Welcome to the New Manager Podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
I have been noticing that in my world, a lot of my clients are
starting to make some moves. There is a lot of reflection and
a lot of opportunities happening in the career area of life.
And it's been really exciting to see what happens when you start
to feel more confident and you have better communication
skills. And you have the mindset that
allows you to evaluate opportunities in a way that you
trust your own judgment and don't have hesitation or the
rumination of all. Is this the right choice?
What will people think? There's something that begins to
happen when you develop the mindset and the communication
skills and the sense of inner confidence in yourself at work
and in your career. It's something I've been
noticing with my clients, especially those that have been
working with me for a while. And so I wanted to share with
you one of the important and key qualities that I've noticed.
So here's how I want to explain it.
I'm just going to tell it to you very directly.
The thing that every great manager and leader does is look
for agency. What I mean is, you will look
for what is within your control, what it is within your sphere of
influence. You will look for where is your
choice in this situation and throughout your career.
There will be times when it seems like you have no choice.
For example, you might be notified that you need to lay
off people on your team, and you might think I don't have a
choice in that. I've been told by a higher up
leader that I simply have to do this and I don't want to, but I
have to. I feel like I have no choice.
What a great manager will do in that situation is ask What
options do I have for how I want to do this?
Can I make this most supportive? Most compassionate?
Can I communicate this in a really humane way and help my
team? Both the folks that I have to
give this news to that will have to leave.
Is there a way I can convey this to them in a way that is so
respectful and can help position them for whatever comes next?
And you'll also think, is there a way I can communicate and
support the team Who will stay? Who might start feeling a little
insecure or who might need to now absorb additional work and
maybe they'll feel discouraged about it?
You will look for what is it that you do have choice over
where is your agency? How can you make decisions even
in a situation that has features that you yourself did not
choose? Now, why it's important to
understand this is because when you are giving more of your
attention to the things outside of your control, that can create
a lot of worry, a lot of anxiety.
It can create a feeling of being powerless and not being able to
have any effect on what's happening, which tends to not
feel very good. And there is this moment where
you start to train your awareness.
You begin to notice where is my attention drifting to?
Do I tend to spend more time ruminating about the things that
are outside of my control, Like, oh, what will people think and
what will they do? And well, you know, if I say
this, what if that person says that we can spin and spend so
much time in the wondering and feeling like things are outside
of control? And it doesn't help.
It just creates a lot, a lot of stress and is very, very
draining. So two places with respect to
bringing agency, a sense of what's in your control,
especially around the idea of stress or anxiety.
And first of all, stress in and of itself is not a bad thing.
It's actually important and very useful and it can be energizing
and it can call you to grow and expand and rise to the
challenge. We want the right amount of
stress that actually keeps things interesting and helps us
grow. Where we can lose sight of it is
when we feel like we have no control over the things that are
creating a feeling of stress. So two different perspectives I
want to share with you. One is when it comes to stress,
I want you to consider your environment and 1st I want you
to think about your external environment.
So because you are a human, you have a physical body and you
will respond on a physiological level to your environment.
And if your environment is not, you know, designed with you
specifically in mind, then you might be working in an
environment that tends to evoke a stress response in you.
This can be everything from the lighting that you have or you
know in your workspace. It can include the noise or the
sounds around you, whether that creates a feeling of stress.
It also includes the emotional tone of the humans around you.
So as a human you are, whether you're aware of it consciously
or not, you are very perceptive and you are always kind of
sensing the emotional tone of the people around you.
This is a quality that all humans are born with.
You might be very attuned to it, or it might be a little bit more
in the background, but it's always there.
And so, for example, if you are working in an environment with a
lot of people who are very stressed out and very urgent and
very anxious, then there is a high likelihood that you also
will mirror that and also be feeling highly stressed, highly
urgent and very anxious because we tend to vibe with the
emotional tone of the people around us.
You know what that feels like. If you walk into a room and you
can just feel the tension, you can tell that people are tense.
You might not know why, but you can sense it.
And in the same like a sense, if you walk into a room and people
are really relaxed and connecting and having a nice
time, you can sense that too. And you also start to feel a
little bit more relaxed, not because of any specific thing
that people have communicated in an overt way, but simply because
you can perceive the emotional tone of the of the people, the
humans that you are around. So the external environment can
have an effect on the stress that you experience in yourself.
The other part of environment that I want you to think about
is your internal environment, and that is the thoughts and the
stories and the inner narrator that you have.
It's also the emotions that you have.
So for example, if you are doing something new that you haven't
really done for the first time, like maybe you're leading your
first, you know, big team meeting, you might have a voice
in your head that is telling you don't mess this up.
Everybody's going to be looking at you.
Everybody's going to be expecting you to know what
you're doing, and you've never done this before.
And so you might have an internal voice that starts to
create a little bit more stress, a little more worry about
messing things up or what people will think because of that
internal voice. That's all the internal
environment, the story you're telling, the thoughts that
you're having, the internal narrator.
And we all have an internal narrator.
So we're not trying to eliminate it, but we want to illuminate
and bring more awareness to what is actually happening.
Because it is having an effect on you and it may create more
stress or it may create more confidence.
It may create the right amount of stress where you feel
anticipation and you feel ready and you feel prepared and just
like, yes, let's go, let's do this.
I cannot wait. This is going to be fantastic.
Or it might be overwhelming and you might start to feel yourself
kind of shut down and withdraw, and the mind goes blank in
response to what that internal narrator is saying.
So we want to be aware of that. The other part of internal
environment is also your emotions.
A lot of my clients come to me to help them dial into their
confidence in a way that's not performative or inauthentic or
faking, but in a way that actually connects them with and
then amplifies something that feels genuine, something that
they can really kind of, like, sink their roots into.
The sense of the the confidence of, like, one of my clients
describes it as elephant energy, right?
Like she's she feels the energy of this really big powerful
elephant and it's grounded and it is strong and it can move
really in a relaxed way because the strength and confidence is
unquestionable. She doesn't even need to explain
it, She just exudes it. And so she likes to tap into
that visualization of that elephant energy.
So the internal environment, the emotions and confidence is a way
that we feel. This is why someone else can
give you information, can say you know what you should, you
should be confident because of all these reasons.
But your internal emotional experience might still feel
insecure, might still feel unsteady.
Confidence is an emotion. It's something that you generate
and something that you carry and bring with you into the room.
That's also why it sometimes might be really frustrating if
you're trying to generate it based on other people's
feedback, your external accomplishment.
And you think, wow, like I achieved that external goal,
like I got that promotion, but why do I actually not feel
confident? Why do I feel more uncertain?
I thought that when I got that title or when I got that
promotion or they got that job, I thought I would feel better,
but I feel the same, like what is going on with that?
Or sometimes if somebody gives you feedback and you think I
should feel more confident based on that feedback, but why am I
not able to take that in? Why am I in my mind saying,
well, yeah, but, you know, it could have been better or yeah,
but, you know, you don't really know how, how challenging it was
to get there. And I'm not sure if we could do
that. Again, that it's because the
confidence doesn't come from something outside, it's comes
from something that's on the inside.
And while external environmental factors can influence it,
ultimately it's something that can only exist through you and
the internal experience that you have.
So when we're talking about looking for agency, you can
think of this in terms of both your external environment and
your internal environment. With your external environment,
it's questions like what is within my control, what choices
do I have that can influence the environment outside of me to
create a more welcoming and to facilitate just like a better, a
better way of being and of working.
Sometimes external environment is kind of like, I also think
about it as your calendar like when you open up your calendar
and you look at it, how do you feel and if you feel bad or
overwhelmed or discouraged then your agency there is going to be
the question of what's on that calendar and why and what can
you do to adjust it even if it's just a little bit.
So for example, I've coached a number of clients on their
decision making around their calendar and also creating some
rules for their themselves that they never had thought was
possible but turns out to actually be fine.
So you might choose like a no meeting Friday or a no meeting
Wednesday and just let people know, hey, this is when we're
going to do more focused work. So let's not schedule any
meetings on this particular day. You might also block a chunk of
time. You might say okay, you know on
Mondays, you know do not schedule anything for me before
11 because that's we're going to do focused strategic thinking
for the week. And so I will not be available
for meetings at that time. You can look at your schedule
and your calendar and start to make decisions and block chunks
of time off for different kinds of work.
Look for the agency and this is often something that comes from
a mindset shift, from going from a place of of.
So I need to say yes to everything in order to be a
great team player or in order to be available and instead we
start thinking what is the best and highest use of your time.
And as you rise in your career, you are going to need to make
more intentional and deliberate decisions about that rather than
feel like you have no choice. So that's just one one example
of what it looks like when you look for agency in the external
environment, for internal environment.
We can look for agency there too.
And that's where we start to listen to and illuminate and
then question some of the stories or the assumptions or
the fears that are lurking inside your own mind.
The stories and the thoughts that you tell yourself that seem
really true, but maybe they are not.
Maybe it's just something that you've believed for a long time,
and maybe it's time to update or change that belief.
Maybe it's a story that has served you well, and maybe it's
time to either release or expand the story.
So, for example, I was chatting with one of my clients and she
said that she's always felt like an underdog.
She's always felt like she had to really prove herself, that
things didn't come easy for her. She's always felt at a
disadvantage and has just had to be really scrappy and tough in
order to do as well as the folks around her.
Another thing I hear a lot is the is the the story of I will
always have to work twice as hard to get the same
recognition. And when the story ends there,
it can start to feel pretty heavy and pretty like
disempowering. Like I have no choice.
That's just how it is. That's my lot in life.
But one of the ways we can look for more agency around that is
we can number one, start to expand that story.
So for example, maybe the story is really like, you know what,
Because my background or because of who I am, it's it's a little
bit different than the people that I work with.
Which means that I have advantages and I have skills and
resources that they are not going to identify.
Like I actually bring something pretty extraordinary to the
table. And of course they may not
recognize it, but I know exactly how to use it to my best
advantage. And that's a good thing.
Being able to recognize what you do have as opposed to feeling
what you don't, that becomes really like a very different way
of experiencing the your internal environment.
As another example, I was talking with a friend of mine
who in the last year or so was recently diagnosed with a
different neurodiversity diagnosis and he said, Oh my
gosh, it's just it made things a lot easier because I understand
more now about how my own brain and nervous system works.
And he recently started a new job.
And he said that when he was in the interview process, we just
told them up front. He's like, so just so, you know,
like, I'm neurodiverse in these ways.
And here's how it's awesome, how I have these really unique
strengths in the way that my brain works, and here's how it's
not awesome. Here are the ways it can really
get in my way. So you can expect that I will
take mental healthcare days and I will not do these kinds of
things. And yeah, like, I don't do that
kind of thing. And you should just know, like,
that's how it works with me. And he had so much confidence
and so much ease and this attitude and internal story of,
of course they're going to want to hire me.
I'm amazing at what I do and I'm amazing in ways that they
probably don't have on their team because I have this
particular quality about myself. It wasn't a deficiency.
It wasn't a problem. It's just, yeah, like, so this
is how it works. This is how I work.
So because he was so capable and so comfortable managing that
internal environment, his thoughts and his emotions about
how he was seeing himself as he kind of had this, this new
awareness, it then affected the way that he communicated and
presented. And I loved it.
I feel like that's such a great, such a great example.
And sometimes we don't see people doing that because we
just don't have visibility to it, so we don't even know it's
possible. So that's what I wanted to
really offer today as something to think about is you want to
look for agency, what's in your control, what's in your sphere
of influence, Where is your choice, you know?
And sometimes the place where your choices is simply realizing
I'm the one who's choosing to be here.
So if it's not good or if there's something I want to
change, that's on me because I'm choosing to be here.
I'm choosing to be here for now. I'm choosing to be here for now.
Because, right. That starts to bring us back to
a strategic perspective so that you know why you're choosing
something, even if it's difficult or not ideal.
Also. Then look to your environment,
Look to the external environment, the things outside
of yourself and the internal environment, the things inside
the stories, the thoughts that narrative, the emotions.
And I will tell you, sometimes it can be tricky to learn how to
do this, especially when you are simply moving at the speed of
life. Because a lot can happen in a
day, a lot can happen in a week and it can sometimes feel
difficult to pause and reflect and take a high level view to
develop that self-awareness and then to create some intentional
choices. It can be tricky to do so.
That's what I like to do with my clients, whether we're working
one-on-one or especially in Group.
And I want to invite you to come work with me.
The three things that you'll get Will, you'll get mindset and
strategic thinking, coaching so that you become more intentional
and strategic that gets you out of being reactive and feeling
like what's going on. There's a lot going on.
I just need to react and respond and be a good workhorse.
No, no, no. We're going to, we're going to
shift that. We need to work on mindset.
We need to get you to a place of strategic thinking.
So you're being intentional and bringing a little more
self-awareness. That will give you more agency.
We're also going to work on your communication skills, both in
terms of specific tactical things like feedback, strategy
and when and how you do that. But also bigger picture, what
are you afraid to say? Who are you afraid to say it to?
We need to look at what are your communication patterns, the ones
that are serving you and the ones that are not, and what does
it mean and how to begin to level up to become more
effective in the way that you communicate with folks.
And 3rd confidence, confidence, especially in your decision
making, so that when you make a decision, you trust yourself.
You understand the basis upon which you are making a choice.
That will mean that you're not second guessing yourself.
It gets you out of rumination. It gets you out of replaying
scenarios over and over again, or deferring to other people and
looking for their approval on your decisions.
We want to really connect your sense of selfconfidence.
Even when you're doing something that you've never done before,
even when you're feeling a lot of pressure, we still want to
access and connect to your internal sense of confidence.
And as a manager and leader, you are going to make a lot of
decisions. So we want to really understand
how are you making decisions and do that in a way that you feel
confident about. It will make a huge difference
in your daytoday work experience, in your longterm
career path, and also just for yourself personally to have the
more time and energy where you're not kind of spinning in
your mind and wondering like, ah, what should I do?
Is it this is it that we can get you to a place where you feel
more grounded, where you have a plan and a process that lets you
connect to agency and feel a little bit more control so that
you can have a better experience and be more effective at work?
So that is what I wanted to share with you.
Come work with me by either booking a consult in the show
notes. That's where we talk about
one-on-one coaching or sign up for my group program.
We kick off in September and it'll be a place where you
really get focused time with other managers.
And we're all talking about and working on mindset,
communication skills and growing confidence and decision making,
being a bit more strategic, getting out of that reactive
mode and just giving a a more clear sense of what you're doing
and how and why so that you show up better at work and you have a
better experience. It's also a great opportunity to
bring the challenges that you're facing date like day-to-day,
because we want to address those as quickly as possible so that
you are equipped for whatever else comes up.
The better that we can identify the issue and then find a path
to resolution, the more energy and time you'll save and the
more effective you become. So that's what we're here for.
Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you next
time. Hey, before you go, if you like
this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what
has helped you. Thanks so much.
I'll see you next time.