Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
Today we are going to Dive Right In to the episode which is about
when you're communicating specifically, when you are
speaking to somebody, whether it's in person or whether it is
on a video call, that is the communication I want to talk
with you about today, and I want to draw this.
Action between what you say and how you say it.
Because when we are communicating, it is not just in
the words that we speak, but it is also the way that we speak
them, meaning with your voice, it is about the energy and the
tone, and the speed, and the volume of which you're speaking.
It's also going to be about what your face looks like.
What your body looks like. Because Also conveying
information based on what you are showing visually and I
learned this really fun fact recently, which is that the
speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.
And one way to think about this is that we see things faster
than we can hear and process them.
And I learned this when I was, you know why?
Watching this YouTube video about music and the video person
was explaining how that's one of the reasons why orchestras have
a conductor, so that everyone can look at what the conductor
is doing and use that as a visual cue for when they're
supposed to play their part of music.
Because if you only relied on what you could hear you, Be off
because sound travels more slowly.
And if you're in a big room and depending on the Acoustics, it
can be very imprecise to listen for when you're supposed to play
your part. And so one of the roles of the
conductor is to serve as this visual Communicator that
everyone in the orchestra can look to to be in time with each
other and know. Know when you're supposed to do
your part, I thought that was so interesting and this is also why
you know, when you first see someone even before they've said
anything, you're gathering information visually based on
how that person is moving based on their expression and as
humans were, so we're so tuned into being interested in what is
the emotional content of the? Person that I am about to engage
with were immediately trying to find connection and
understanding and this is often happening really fast and in the
background so we're not always aware that it's happening.
So then when we think about communicating and speaking to
someone, we have the words that we say but that is such a small
part of the overall communication package that we're
sending. You can also think about this in
terms of how We use emojis, we use emojis to convey that
additional emotional content. Whether it's a smiley face, or a
laughing face, or an angry face or whatever, is that emoji that
you send with that text message, that's going to convey a lot
more information Beyond just the words.
Let me give you one more example.
So, I used to, when I was a I was going to say when I was a
kid, but I guess it was. I actually kind of like college
and right out of college, but I was in theater and you know, in
theater, you get your script and the script is the words but the
words alone, don't tell the story and don't convey what's
happening. That is the job of the actor, is
to make the words, come alive to give him a sense of color and
tone and meaning because there's a lot more that can be conveyed
in. And how you say it?
Not just the what. So for example, let's say that
there is a scene and a character says, I didn't steal her money,
okay, that's the line. I didn't steal her money.
Now, let's play with the tone and the emphasis and the
different meaning that can come out of those.
Same words, I didn't steal her money.
I didn't steal her money. Oh, I didn't steal her money.
I didn't steal her money. So you get a sense of how much
you can shape the meaning that is conveyed even with the same
words. So once you understand that,
what you say is different from how you say it and that you have
a lot of influence in what is conveyed based on how you say
it? The next Question becomes well
then what do I do with that insight?
And here's what I want you to think about the way that you say
a thing, the, how of it is driven by two underlying forces,
the feelings that you have and the mindset or the thoughts that
you're thinking. So, for example, if you are
feeling worried because you are thinking, I don't I think
they're gonna like what I have to say.
Then the way that you speak the words are going to be carried
with this combination of worried and I think you're not going to
like what I'm going to say and it will come out very
differently. Compared to if you are feeling
trusting like I trust them to hear what I have to say.
And you were thinking, we are going to get through this, this
may not be the best news, but we're going to get Through this
I trust them you know we're like we're on the same side, the way
that you're thinking and the way that you're feeling will shape
the way that you convey those words and the place to start
with this is you want to understand, how are you actually
thinking and feeling about this situation, what are the thoughts
that you have? What is the mindset that you're
currently in? And what are the emotions that
you have? I'll share another example.
If you're thinking this is a crisis and you're feeling
panicked or anxious. Then the way that you
communicate your words are going to be carried by the sense of
anxiety and urgency and for you, it's also not going to feel
good, you will be feeling the state of this is a crisis.
I am anxious and worried and maybe a little panicked.
And and it's so interesting because in Your physical human
self. You're going to have a reaction
to that combination of mindset and emotions as well.
And then the words that you say, come from that compared to, this
is actually something I could, I could teach my clients on a fair
amount is, can we look at the situation from?
It's slightly different mindset, can we look at it from a bit of
a more neutral perspective and look at it from the lens of,
okay, this is happening now We're just turning and we're
facing it and we're just saying okay this is happening now and
from that mindset, feeling a bit more grounded, feeling a bit
more calm feeling a bit more capable of addressing the
situation rather than kind of being in this reactive Panic
State. Just turn it face it, this is
happening now and from that place, the communication and
Ends up carrying more of that energy, less of the anxiety, and
less of the panic and more of that grounded capable like.
Okay, this is what's happening. Let's address it, let's move
forward and what's neat about that is that you as a human will
have a different experience of communicating that message from
being a person who is experiencing a lot of Panic or
stress. So, Communication is never just
one dimension. It's a very multi-dimensional
thing that we do and I also just want to tell you you're already
really good at this. You didn't have to go to school
to learn about this. You learned how to do it
intuitively as a human growing up in a world with other humans.
And all we're doing now is, we're shining a little bit more
light on what's going on, kind of behind the scenes because Cuz
if you understand it, and can sort of see how it's working in
your own life and in your own situation, then it gives you a
little more control and influence over how you want to
deal with that. And it's the thing that can also
get you out of, kind of the anxiety Loop or the worry Loop
is to Simply slow down to notice.
Okay, what is the mindset that I'm in right now?
What are the feelings I have right now?
Sometimes two, if you're a, if you're like a very, I want to
say, if you're a person who has big fast emotions, then we can
always start with the emotions. Like, what are the emotions that
you've got right now? Just doing a little inventory.
And from there, we can start to investigate, okay?
So then, what is the mindset? That is coming along for the
ride with that? And when you see that, then we
get to discover and make choices about.
How would you like? To take this action going
forward, because often times when you're asking yourself,
what do I do? Or you're asking yourself.
I know I need to do this but I'm really uncomfortable or I feel
really worried about it. The place we can examine is the
mindset and the emotions behind it because it may be that the
words that you say, and the actions that you take, those
might actually be the same that might not change.
But the place that you're coming from, is the place that changes
when the mindset shifts, when the thoughts shift, when the
emotions and the feelings shift a little bit, you can have a
significant effect on how you are communicating.
And I think sometimes we forget that completely and we just
really dial in to the how, how do I say this?
How do I say this? Try to fine tune the words and
we imagine the conversation in our heads over and over again,
and we try to imagine better outcomes and different outcomes
are like, how do I say this? How do I say this?
You know, what do I need to say? And we get so caught up in the
words that we forget, kind of the invisible stuff, the
mindset, and the emotions that are behind the words and
influencing that entire communication package.
So, that is what I wanted to share with you is just this
little insight. And my hope is that during the
course of the week you'll begin to notice a little bit of this
distinction. What are the words and then what
is the kind of invisible? You know the invisible rest of
the package what is that? Not just the what they're saying
but how they're saying it begin to notice that around you so you
can start to hone your skills of observation and then in your own
situation, if there is a conversation that Are feeling
worried about or you're not sure how to say a thing.
You're not sure what you words to use.
You want to start to separate like what are the words and then
what is the, you know, the mindset and the emotion and the
tone with which you want to share those.
So that is what I had to share with you today.
We're going to actually take some of these teachings in a
very specific Direction on On Tuesday I'm teaching a free
class on the gentle. Know a lot of folks I work with
have a hard time saying no for so many reasons so we'll talk
about that. I want you to feel more
confident and more relaxed in saying no so that you know, you
have better boundaries and you can say no when you need to and
not make it feel so dire and so difficult.
So sign up for that in the show notes would love to have you
join that class live It is free and we're going to dive into
that topic on Tuesday. And of course, if you want to
work with me one-on-one, let's talk about it.
Go into the show notes, find my calendar link and book a
consult, and let's discuss. Alright, that's it for me today.
Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your
week. Hey, before you go, if you like
this podcast, Cast, leave a review.
Tell me why you listen and what has helped you?
Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.