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Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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Today we are going to Dive Right
In to the episode which is about

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when you're communicating 
specifically, when you are 

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speaking to somebody, whether 
it's in person or whether it is 

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on a video call, that is the 
communication I want to talk 

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with you about today, and I want
to draw this. 

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Action between what you say and 
how you say it. 

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Because when we are 
communicating, it is not just in

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the words that we speak, but it 
is also the way that we speak 

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them, meaning with your voice, 
it is about the energy and the 

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tone, and the speed, and the 
volume of which you're speaking.

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It's also going to be about what
your face looks like. 

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What your body looks like. 
Because Also conveying 

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information based on what you 
are showing visually and I 

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learned this really fun fact 
recently, which is that the 

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speed of light is faster than 
the speed of sound. 

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And one way to think about this 
is that we see things faster 

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than we can hear and process 
them. 

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And I learned this when I was, 
you know why? 

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Watching this YouTube video 
about music and the video person

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was explaining how that's one of
the reasons why orchestras have 

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a conductor, so that everyone 
can look at what the conductor 

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is doing and use that as a 
visual cue for when they're 

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supposed to play their part of 
music. 

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Because if you only relied on 
what you could hear you, Be off 

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because sound travels more 
slowly. 

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And if you're in a big room and 
depending on the Acoustics, it 

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can be very imprecise to listen 
for when you're supposed to play

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your part. 
And so one of the roles of the 

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conductor is to serve as this 
visual Communicator that 

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everyone in the orchestra can 
look to to be in time with each 

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other and know. 
Know when you're supposed to do 

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your part, I thought that was so
interesting and this is also why

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you know, when you first see 
someone even before they've said

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anything, you're gathering 
information visually based on 

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how that person is moving based 
on their expression and as 

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humans were, so we're so tuned 
into being interested in what is

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the emotional content of the? 
Person that I am about to engage

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with were immediately trying to 
find connection and 

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understanding and this is often 
happening really fast and in the

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background so we're not always 
aware that it's happening. 

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So then when we think about 
communicating and speaking to 

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someone, we have the words that 
we say but that is such a small 

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part of the overall 
communication package that we're

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sending. 
You can also think about this in

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terms of how We use emojis, we 
use emojis to convey that 

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additional emotional content. 
Whether it's a smiley face, or a

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laughing face, or an angry face 
or whatever, is that emoji that 

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you send with that text message,
that's going to convey a lot 

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more information Beyond just the
words. 

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Let me give you one more 
example. 

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So, I used to, when I was a I 
was going to say when I was a 

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kid, but I guess it was. 
I actually kind of like college 

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and right out of college, but I 
was in theater and you know, in 

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theater, you get your script and
the script is the words but the 

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words alone, don't tell the 
story and don't convey what's 

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happening. 
That is the job of the actor, is

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to make the words, come alive to
give him a sense of color and 

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tone and meaning because there's
a lot more that can be conveyed 

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in. 
And how you say it? 

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Not just the what. 
So for example, let's say that 

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there is a scene and a character
says, I didn't steal her money, 

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okay, that's the line. 
I didn't steal her money. 

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Now, let's play with the tone 
and the emphasis and the 

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different meaning that can come 
out of those. 

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Same words, I didn't steal her 
money. 

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I didn't steal her money. 
Oh, I didn't steal her money. 

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I didn't steal her money. 
So you get a sense of how much 

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you can shape the meaning that 
is conveyed even with the same 

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words. 
So once you understand that, 

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what you say is different from 
how you say it and that you have

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a lot of influence in what is 
conveyed based on how you say 

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it? 
The next Question becomes well 

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then what do I do with that 
insight? 

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And here's what I want you to 
think about the way that you say

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a thing, the, how of it is 
driven by two underlying forces,

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the feelings that you have and 
the mindset or the thoughts that

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you're thinking. 
So, for example, if you are 

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feeling worried because you are 
thinking, I don't I think 

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they're gonna like what I have 
to say. 

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Then the way that you speak the 
words are going to be carried 

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with this combination of worried
and I think you're not going to 

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like what I'm going to say and 
it will come out very 

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differently. 
Compared to if you are feeling 

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trusting like I trust them to 
hear what I have to say. 

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And you were thinking, we are 
going to get through this, this 

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may not be the best news, but 
we're going to get Through this 

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I trust them you know we're like
we're on the same side, the way 

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that you're thinking and the way
that you're feeling will shape 

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the way that you convey those 
words and the place to start 

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with this is you want to 
understand, how are you actually

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thinking and feeling about this 
situation, what are the thoughts

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that you have? 
What is the mindset that you're 

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currently in? 
And what are the emotions that 

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you have? 
I'll share another example. 

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If you're thinking this is a 
crisis and you're feeling 

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panicked or anxious. 
Then the way that you 

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communicate your words are going
to be carried by the sense of 

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anxiety and urgency and for you,
it's also not going to feel 

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good, you will be feeling the 
state of this is a crisis. 

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I am anxious and worried and 
maybe a little panicked. 

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And and it's so interesting 
because in Your physical human 

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self. 
You're going to have a reaction 

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to that combination of mindset 
and emotions as well. 

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And then the words that you say,
come from that compared to, this

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is actually something I could, I
could teach my clients on a fair

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amount is, can we look at the 
situation from? 

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It's slightly different mindset,
can we look at it from a bit of 

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a more neutral perspective and 
look at it from the lens of, 

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okay, this is happening now 
We're just turning and we're 

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facing it and we're just saying 
okay this is happening now and 

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from that mindset, feeling a bit
more grounded, feeling a bit 

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more calm feeling a bit more 
capable of addressing the 

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situation rather than kind of 
being in this reactive Panic 

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State. 
Just turn it face it, this is 

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happening now and from that 
place, the communication and 

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Ends up carrying more of that 
energy, less of the anxiety, and

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less of the panic and more of 
that grounded capable like. 

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Okay, this is what's happening. 
Let's address it, let's move 

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forward and what's neat about 
that is that you as a human will

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have a different experience of 
communicating that message from 

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being a person who is 
experiencing a lot of Panic or 

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stress. 
So, Communication is never just 

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one dimension. 
It's a very multi-dimensional 

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thing that we do and I also just
want to tell you you're already 

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really good at this. 
You didn't have to go to school 

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to learn about this. 
You learned how to do it 

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intuitively as a human growing 
up in a world with other humans.

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And all we're doing now is, 
we're shining a little bit more 

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light on what's going on, kind 
of behind the scenes because Cuz

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if you understand it, and can 
sort of see how it's working in 

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your own life and in your own 
situation, then it gives you a 

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little more control and 
influence over how you want to 

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deal with that. 
And it's the thing that can also

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get you out of, kind of the 
anxiety Loop or the worry Loop 

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is to Simply slow down to 
notice. 

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Okay, what is the mindset that 
I'm in right now? 

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What are the feelings I have 
right now? 

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Sometimes two, if you're a, if 
you're like a very, I want to 

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say, if you're a person who has 
big fast emotions, then we can 

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always start with the emotions. 
Like, what are the emotions that

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you've got right now? 
Just doing a little inventory. 

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And from there, we can start to 
investigate, okay? 

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So then, what is the mindset? 
That is coming along for the 

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ride with that? 
And when you see that, then we 

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get to discover and make choices
about. 

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How would you like? 
To take this action going 

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forward, because often times 
when you're asking yourself, 

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what do I do? 
Or you're asking yourself. 

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I know I need to do this but I'm
really uncomfortable or I feel 

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really worried about it. 
The place we can examine is the 

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mindset and the emotions behind 
it because it may be that the 

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words that you say, and the 
actions that you take, those 

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might actually be the same that 
might not change. 

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But the place that you're coming
from, is the place that changes 

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when the mindset shifts, when 
the thoughts shift, when the 

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emotions and the feelings shift 
a little bit, you can have a 

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significant effect on how you 
are communicating. 

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And I think sometimes we forget 
that completely and we just 

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really dial in to the how, how 
do I say this? 

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How do I say this? 
Try to fine tune the words and 

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we imagine the conversation in 
our heads over and over again, 

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and we try to imagine better 
outcomes and different outcomes 

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are like, how do I say this? 
How do I say this? 

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You know, what do I need to say?
And we get so caught up in the 

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words that we forget, kind of 
the invisible stuff, the 

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mindset, and the emotions that 
are behind the words and 

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influencing that entire 
communication package. 

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So, that is what I wanted to 
share with you is just this 

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little insight. 
And my hope is that during the 

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course of the week you'll begin 
to notice a little bit of this 

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distinction. 
What are the words and then what

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is the kind of invisible? 
You know the invisible rest of 

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the package what is that? 
Not just the what they're saying

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but how they're saying it begin 
to notice that around you so you

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can start to hone your skills of
observation and then in your own

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situation, if there is a 
conversation that Are feeling 

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worried about or you're not sure
how to say a thing. 

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You're not sure what you words 
to use. 

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You want to start to separate 
like what are the words and then

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what is the, you know, the 
mindset and the emotion and the 

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tone with which you want to 
share those. 

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So that is what I had to share 
with you today. 

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We're going to actually take 
some of these teachings in a 

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very specific Direction on On 
Tuesday I'm teaching a free 

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class on the gentle. 
Know a lot of folks I work with 

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have a hard time saying no for 
so many reasons so we'll talk 

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about that. 
I want you to feel more 

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confident and more relaxed in 
saying no so that you know, you 

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have better boundaries and you 
can say no when you need to and 

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not make it feel so dire and so 
difficult. 

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So sign up for that in the show 
notes would love to have you 

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join that class live It is free 
and we're going to dive into 

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that topic on Tuesday. 
And of course, if you want to 

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work with me one-on-one, let's 
talk about it. 

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Go into the show notes, find my 
calendar link and book a 

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consult, and let's discuss. 
Alright, that's it for me today.

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Thanks for listening. 
Have a wonderful rest of your 

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week. 
Hey, before you go, if you like 

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this podcast, Cast, leave a 
review. 

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Tell me why you listen and what 
has helped you? 

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Thanks so much. 
I'll see you next time.