1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,800 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,900 I'm glad you're here. And I hope you're doing well as 4 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:24,700 we get started today. I wanted to invite you to come 5 00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:28,400 and work with me. I am taking new clients in my 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,900 coaching practice and we'll have six months together to help you 7 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,400 be a human who works with humans. 8 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,700 And that means that we get to address communication skills. 9 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:46,400 Shipbuilding skills, how to give feedback all of the Imposter 10 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,900 syndrome that will flare up all of the things and challenges 11 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,700 that come up along the way, in your career as you work with 12 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,300 other humans. So if that is something that you 13 00:00:56,300 --> 00:01:00,500 want to talk with me about go to my website, I'll put a link in 14 00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:04,599 the show notes and you'll find out how to set up a consult with 15 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:06,100 me. So we can have a conversation 16 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,200 about what we can do together, what you can expect from 17 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:14,400 coaching and start to To create a road map of how to get you 18 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,800 from where you are to where you want to be. 19 00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:22,900 Now, today for our topic, I wanted to talk about friends at 20 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:28,100 work and I am thinking of this because I just spent the weekend 21 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:32,000 with some very dear friends, we met when we were working 22 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,500 together. A few years ago, we've continued 23 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,800 to stay in touch to maintain this really beautiful friendship 24 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,200 and I was really just appreciating. 25 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:47,900 How wonderful it is to have these friendships at work, 26 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:53,900 because work is such a big part of our lives and I think it's 27 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:58,700 easy to sometimes get over focused on the work part. 28 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,000 And by that, I mean, you know, you are more than the work that 29 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,300 you do. There will be times when you are 30 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:09,800 not working. You're in transition or you are 31 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,100 choosing to. Be a full-time caregiver or 32 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:17,800 you've been laid off or, you know, you quit or there will be 33 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,900 something that is happening in your life when you're not 34 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:22,500 working. And that can be such a difficult 35 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:26,800 time because so much of our identity and our sense of value 36 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:31,700 can get wrapped up in our work. But you are so much more than 37 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:35,500 that as a human. And when we develop these 38 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:41,100 friendships through our work, that nourish us as humans. 39 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,700 I think it both reminds us that we are more than the job that we 40 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:53,100 do and also it becomes part of what makes our work experience 41 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:58,500 satisfying that when we have these friendships in the 42 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,600 workplace it's part of what makes the whole experience 43 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:08,500 something that we actually, you know, want want to do. 44 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,400 So I've been reflecting on friends at work. 45 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,600 Work and in the manager context, you know, sometimes this will 46 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,900 come up because there might be a question of well, do what should 47 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,200 I be friends with the people that I manage? 48 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,700 How does that work? The most simple way I want you 49 00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:29,100 to think about that. Is that when you are in a 50 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:36,200 professional managerial role, meaning you have real power over 51 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:41,300 someone in terms of their performance review, perhaps? 52 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,500 Repay. You might be the one who 53 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,900 recommends them for promotions or who makes decisions about 54 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:51,600 raises or salaries. That is a relationship that 55 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,800 deserves a lot of respect, understanding that there is a 56 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,200 real power dynamic. In addition to the Friendship, 57 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:05,100 when you see and understand that, it makes it easier to both 58 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,600 be a great friend and also be a great manager. 59 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:12,600 So, thinking in terms of, you know what, My role and what is 60 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,500 my responsibility to this other person and I want to share one 61 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:19,000 example of that. I was coaching someone a few 62 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:23,800 years ago, she had been friends with a co-worker and then she 63 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,700 had been promoted to their manager, and she was really 64 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:31,300 struggling because she didn't ever want to have a direct 65 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,400 conversation about work. She was really afraid of 66 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,500 Confrontation, she was afraid of hurting her friend's feelings. 67 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:44,400 She, you know, avoided Added giving feedback that would help 68 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,400 improve this person's performance. 69 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,900 And so then when it came to the performance review, she said, 70 00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:53,000 yeah, you know, here, all these things that you didn't meet the 71 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,200 expectations on you didn't do as well. 72 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:59,800 And her friend was really upset because she thought, you know, 73 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,700 you're my friend and you're my manager. 74 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,600 It's your job to tell me when I'm not on track. 75 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,300 And the, you know, this person, I was coaching who was the 76 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:12,100 manager, just felt so bad. And she felt so, Fused and she 77 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:18,000 didn't know how to distinguish her friendship role and her 78 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,900 manager role. And she just kept saying, you 79 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,300 know, this, this person she should know. 80 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,500 She should know what she's supposed to do. 81 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,500 She's been at this job a long time. 82 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,400 I shouldn't have to tell her, like she just felt so bad and 83 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:36,400 so, so uncomfortable about it. And I think a lot of us find can 84 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,800 find ourselves in that position without totally realizing what's 85 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,900 happening. But we can Feel this resistance 86 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:46,800 to having a direct conversation because it can feel like we're 87 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:51,100 criticizing or being unkind when we do that. 88 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:55,700 And so first, I just want to offer the perspective that when 89 00:05:55,700 --> 00:06:01,600 we are direct we can do that with so much kindness and the 90 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,200 mindset is, the reason I'm being direct is because I want to be 91 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,800 transparent with you because I want to give you the information 92 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,900 that you're going to need. In order to reach the goals that 93 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,900 you have or, you know, it's my job. 94 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:21,700 And also as someone who cares about you, I want to make sure 95 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,800 that we're on the same page and that, you know, if there's 96 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:30,900 anything that we need to clear the air about or to, you know, 97 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:35,000 untangle in our understanding. Let's do that now. 98 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:40,000 So we have time to get connected on the right path together, 99 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,700 rather than Then have it come up as a surprise during a 100 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:48,000 performance review. So having that clarity about, 101 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:52,900 yes, there can be at this friendship element but we really 102 00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:58,900 want to respect the position that we're in when we are, you 103 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:02,600 know, officially managing or officially in a like a position 104 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,600 of higher power and especially related to their compensation, 105 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,700 into their advancement and development. 106 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,700 So, a couple of things that I wanted to You share with you 107 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:17,100 related to this, like to the idea of friends at work and 108 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:21,300 especially if you are managing someone and you feel a 109 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:26,200 friendship towards them. Or if you were peers, and then 110 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,700 you get promoted and now you're no longer their peer, you're 111 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:32,800 actually their manager. So here are some things to think 112 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,200 about one is with friendships at work? 113 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:42,200 What makes them enjoyable is that we enjoy like we Boy this 114 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,700 person we enjoy working with them. 115 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:50,800 We enjoy you know like like being in this work experience 116 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,000 together. There's something enjoyable 117 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,900 about this person that is part of that. 118 00:07:55,900 --> 00:08:00,400 Friendship, there's often always an admiration. 119 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,600 So, when I think about the friends that I spent time with 120 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,800 and even the ones who I've known, you know, for many years 121 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,200 that I worked with when I think about them, there's Element of 122 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,500 gosh. I so admire them I admire who 123 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:20,000 they are as people. I admired the work that they do, 124 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:24,200 I admire the way that they show up there's an element of 125 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,300 admiration. What's also present is a lot of 126 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,600 respect. I have so much respect for their 127 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:36,400 perspective, for their worldview, for their experience 128 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:41,100 for their contributions. Like I just have so much respect 129 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:45,300 for For who they are and for what they bring and number four, 130 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:51,400 there's a lot of trust and trust is that sense of I believe that 131 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:57,100 this person has my back. If I make a mistake, I trust 132 00:08:57,100 --> 00:09:00,600 that they will point it out to me in a kind way. 133 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:05,100 They won't hide it. I believe that they will help me 134 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,500 whether that means help me to correct it. 135 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:12,700 Or, you know, if I need an extra set of hands, In a project like 136 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:16,600 they'll be right by me and they'll be with it or what I'm 137 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:21,900 thinking, specifically, when I was doing the team coaching few 138 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,800 years ago and all these different companies, sometimes 139 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:29,400 we would be staffed together. We go into an organization and 140 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,700 some, some kind something would go wrong. 141 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:37,100 Like we didn't have the right number of rooms for the, you 142 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,100 know, training. We were going to do or some 143 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:44,600 there would be some Technology issue where our technology was 144 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,300 not working with their technology and so we'd have to 145 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:51,800 Pivot very quickly and make a decision about what we were 146 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:56,200 going to do that day. If the plan that we had wasn't 147 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,600 going to work. And so that element of trust, 148 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,200 you know, if I was the lead coach and I made a decision, 149 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,700 we're going to go in this direction. 150 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:09,500 I could trust that they would pivot right with me, be right on 151 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,800 board and we just make it work. If they were the one who is lead 152 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:18,300 coach for the day, I would trust their judgment call and whatever 153 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:22,300 they decided to do. It was like, yes, we'll make 154 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,100 this work. I, you know, I trust you to 155 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:31,600 decide we're in this together and we have our genuine. 156 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:34,600 Like we have this genuine desire for everyone to do. 157 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,300 Well, here and the other thing with like this combination of 158 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,100 trust and respect and Admiration and enjoyment. 159 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:47,000 Another big part of that for me was understanding. 160 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:50,600 We can all have really different personalities and kind of 161 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:57,100 different ways of working but it's seen as something of value. 162 00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:04,500 So, for example, you know, I'm a very introverted person and so, 163 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,700 you know, one of the energies that I tend to bring into the 164 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:10,700 room is one, that is going to be really safe for introverts. 165 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:14,400 Really calming, really grounding? 166 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:19,100 That's one of my superpowers. And one of my friends has really 167 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,200 different energy. Really big energy really 168 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:28,200 sparkling really outgoing and one of the reasons we work so 169 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,100 well together is that our Styles complement each other 170 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:38,000 brilliantly and so there was never any feeling of competition 171 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,300 or feeling not appreciated. Because we had different styles 172 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:47,600 like the element of enjoyment and admiration and respect and 173 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:54,600 Trust included our different styles and our unique energies 174 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,700 and the qualities that we brought to our team and to the 175 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:02,300 work that we did together. And so when I think about 176 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:08,100 friendships at work, I really think it's like gold when you 177 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:14,000 can find and create a nurturing. Your relationships that feel 178 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,800 good like that. Where you feel? 179 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:20,400 You know, every time I go to work, I am working with people 180 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:27,100 that I enjoy, who I admire, who I respect, who I trust and with 181 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:29,600 whom. I feel all of that in return. 182 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,500 It's wonderful when we have that, we don't always, but my 183 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:40,200 hope is that you have someone or a few folks like that in your 184 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,700 work. And that you can actually create 185 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,000 and cultivate that intentionally. 186 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,800 So that is what I really wanted to share with you today. 187 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,900 The sense that friends at work is part of what makes our work 188 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,200 life. So rewarding that when you're a 189 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:03,800 manager, one of the important perspectives to hold is to 190 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:09,800 understand your role and responsibilities to your team as 191 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,400 that manager. Even while you hold a friendship 192 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,300 towards them, we still want to have that Clarity. 193 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,600 Like, what is my role as your manager? 194 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,900 What are my responsibilities to you, like specifically as a 195 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,800 manager, separate from being a friend, and actually, the other 196 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,600 thing I wanted to share with respect to friendships at work, 197 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,600 and this might seem really obvious to you, but I'm going to 198 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,400 say it anyways, because I remember early in my career with 199 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:44,700 such a new thing, which is You know, throughout our early life. 200 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:49,900 So you know, from age zero till like age, 21, 22. 201 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:57,100 If we are growing up in a, you know, in a school system where 202 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,800 you move through different grades, based on age, when you 203 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:05,600 think about that, so many of our friendships are based around 204 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,300 being the same age as other people and one of the 205 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:14,100 interesting things that happens when Move into an adult work. 206 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,300 Environment is. For now, meeting people of so 207 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:22,100 many different ages and in terms of our professional life and our 208 00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:32,000 work life, this is so great to have friendships with people who 209 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,200 are different ages than you, who are at different stages of their 210 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:41,200 career than you because there's so much to learn about your your 211 00:14:41,208 --> 00:14:44,700 industry, your organization about yourself. 212 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:50,800 You can learn so much when you have friendships with people who 213 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,000 are different ages than you. And what I found is that that 214 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,400 can be kind of a weird thing to do at first because I think 215 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:01,700 we're so conditioned. As you know, younger people to 216 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:05,000 be very deferential to our elders or at least, that's kind 217 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,300 of how it was for me. So maybe you can relate to that 218 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:11,400 too and it can sometimes feel a little bit weird when we And 219 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:17,100 ourselves as peers with people who are much older or much 220 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,600 younger. And so the element of 221 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,500 self-awareness that we want to bring is that, you know, knowing 222 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,900 for ourselves, am I comfortable with this? 223 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,300 And if not, why that's something we can start to investigate. 224 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:35,800 But there's so much value when we cultivate friendships with 225 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,100 people of different ages of different generations. 226 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:43,400 And I found To as a coach and facilitator with some of the 227 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,900 groups that I have worked with. It can be really interesting 228 00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:51,900 when we have folks who are of different ages in an industry 229 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,600 talking about and sharing stories of their experience in 230 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,800 that industry. There's so much that you can 231 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,300 learn from that. So I wanted to just give a 232 00:16:03,308 --> 00:16:05,800 little specific note around that too. 233 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:09,300 Is that as you think about your friends at work and the 234 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:15,800 friendships that you cultivate Pay attention to, and value the 235 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:21,200 friendships that you build with people who are of different ages 236 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,200 than you as well. Because they're all going to 237 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:28,700 have such unique perspectives, stories, information, and 238 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:33,400 understanding to share. And remember that also goes both 239 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:37,900 ways, which means that you no matter what your age is and no 240 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:41,800 matter what you're, you know, how much You've spent in that 241 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,800 organization. You also have a valuable 242 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:49,000 perspective and worldview to share as well with people who 243 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,500 are both younger and older than you are. 244 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,200 So that is what I wanted to share with you today. 245 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,900 I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week and I'll talk to 246 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:09,700 you next time if you know it's time to level up but you feel 247 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:13,800 your perfectionism Self Doubt and uncertainty getting in the 248 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,200 way then come work with me. We'll have six months of 249 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,300 one-on-one coaching and it all starts by going to my website, 250 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:29,500 chemicalguys.com coaching and joining my waitlist talk to you 251 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,100 soon.