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Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here. 
And I hope you're doing well. 

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I was talking with a friend, the
other day. 

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We hadn't been in touch. 
In gosh, maybe a year or two. 

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So there was a lot to catch up 
on and he was telling me that 

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he's started a new business. 
It's going really well, and he's

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afraid that it's going to be so 
successful. 

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For that, he will become trapped
in it. 

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And I thought this was such a 
great topic and such a great 

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reminder to bring here to the 
podcast because this fear of 

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success, the thought, oh, no, 
things are going great. 

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What do I do? 
Comes up a lot. 

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I see it. 
When a client gets a new job or 

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gets a promotion and first, it's
the excitement. 

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Yes. 
I got this new job. 

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I got Got this promotion and 
then the feeling of oh, no the 

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anxiety Creeps in. 
It also comes up when you apply 

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for something that you want. 
And then you get it. 

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Maybe it's a grad school. 
You apply to a bunch of 

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programs. 
You get into your favorite top 

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programs. 
Oh, no, what do I do or you 

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apply to speak at a conference? 
And your proposal is accepted? 

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And then you start to freak out.
Oh, no! 

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Things are going great. 
What do I do? 

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Now? 
I'm going to have to show up and

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deliver on this. 
So This overall Dynamic. 

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I wanted to break down and 
hopefully bring some 

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understanding to why is this 
happening? 

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Because you might be thinking, I
got what I wanted. 

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So why do I feel this way? 
And what we're really saying 

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here is, I thought it would feel
It I thought that when I got 

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that promotion, I would feel 
different. 

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When I got the new job. 
I would feel different or I got 

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approval for this request. 
I thought that it would feel 

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different. 
I wasn't expecting to feel this 

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way. 
And the reason why we do is 

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because even when something good
happens, it's still something 

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new. 
There's still a thought of I've 

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never done this before. 
And that sense of the unknown, 

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or the uncertainty can spark 
anxiety. 

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When you're doing something new,
or when you're doing something 

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that you're really excited 
about. 

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You can also have this feeling 
from, you know, what? 

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If I mess up the fear of 
failure, flares up, you might 

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think, am I up? 
To the task. 

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Sometimes we feel totally 
confident on the way there, and 

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then when we get there, all the 
insecurities bubbles up, am I up

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to the task now that I've 
successfully gained this 

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position or this role? 
That's when the Imposter 

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syndrome can flare up. 
Oh, I really fooled them. 

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I made them all believe that. 
I was competent and capable and 

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could totally handle this. 
And now that I'm here, I'm 

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freaking out a little bit. 
Bit because what if I was wrong?

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And now I feel all this pressure
and I'm realizing that this is 

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new and I start to feel scared. 
It also comes up when you start 

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to become very successful 
because it can bring along this 

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thought that being successful 
means giving up something I care

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about. 
So with my friend, for example, 

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who was at the brink of this new
business, and this new success 

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and his Fear that it's going to 
trap him and it's going to take 

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all of his time. 
He won't have as much freedom to

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do other kinds of things. 
I see this to, with some of my 

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clients, the fear of. 
Well, if I get promoted, or if I

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take a higher level role, that 
will mean more work and I'm 

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already working a lot, as it is.
I don't know that I want to do 

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all that work because it will 
mean giving up. 

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My free time, it will mean 
giving up the friendships that I

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have with my colleagues at work.
If now, I become their manager 

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or it will mean giving up time 
with my family or time with my 

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friends. 
There's a feeling of anxiety or 

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fear that flares up. 
When we think being successful 

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means. 
I'll have to give up something I

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care about. 
And if you are like a 

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first-generation immigrant, Door
have an immigrant experience as 

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part of your life experience. 
Sometimes the way that shows up 

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is this fear, or this like this 
feeling of guilt, this feeling 

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of, you know, my parents have it
had it so much harder, and they 

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work so hard. 
And now I'm doing better. 

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And I'm making good, you know, 
quote unquote, good money and a 

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feeling of guilt. 
Like I'm having this nice 

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comfortable life. 
My parents had to work so hard 

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and had to sacrifice so much. 
And there can be this really 

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interesting. 
Guilt kind of feeling almost 

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like a survivor's guilt, like 
you survived. 

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This really difficult situation.
And so you've been able to live 

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a life that maybe wasn't 
available to people that you 

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love. like to your family to 
your parents, so there can be a 

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feeling of guilt, even when 
things go well, and sometimes 

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that fear of doing well or that,
you know, unexpected sense of 

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oh, no, things are going great 
when we think about family or 

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the community that we came from,
it can feel like when you 

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succeed it can feel like you are
distancing yourself from your 

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family from your roots from your
The it might feel like 

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disloyalty. 
Am I abandoning them? 

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Am I leaving them? 
Because I am growing in a new 

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way and in a way that they 
didn't, so I just want to share 

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all of this because it makes a 
lot of sense when we slow down 

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and really investigate. 
Where are these feelings coming 

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from the feeling of anxiety, or 
worry, or guilt or fear or the 

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Security that flares up when you
step into a new stage of your 

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life and your career, and things
are actually going great. 

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All of that is normal. 
So be gentle with yourself. 

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Don't judge yourself too harshly
for that to really normal thing.

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So, the solution to this is 
twofold, one is you want to 

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recognize that you're going to 
need an identity update. 

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You want to update your 
internal. 

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And so who you are, we can over 
identify with the stage of life 

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and career that you're in or 
over identify with a particular 

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problem or the the difficult 
characteristic that you're 

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facing. 
So for example, at the beginning

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of your career, you're a 
beginner and when you over 

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identify with being a beginner, 
you say, yes to everything. 

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You diminish, your own knowledge
and perspective because you 

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think I'm just a beginner. 
So I have to say yes to 

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everything. 
I'm just a beginner. 

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So other people know more than I
do. 

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You bring a lot of uncertainty 
and insecurity into how you 

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think of yourself. 
Well, 10 years later. 

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You're not a beginner anymore. 
Even if you have changed careers

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or have made a big pivot in your
Channel path, you're not a 

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beginner at life at being a 
human at being a professional 

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adult person in the world. 
You do have perspective and 

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worldview and knowledge. 
That is valuable. 

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Even if you are new to a company
or new to an industry, you're 

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not the same kind of beginner 
that you were, you know, 10 

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years ago. 
And that means that you might be

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saying, yes to everything and 
Overwhelming and overburdening 

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yourself. 
When you don't need to, you 

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might be at the stage where it's
time to start saying no to 

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things and letting go of things 
and realizing you don't have to 

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say yes to everything. 
So you've over identified with 

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your stage in your life and 
career and you forgotten to 

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update that. 
So that's what we work on. 

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The other thing that can happen 
is we over identify with the 

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problem or the problematic 
circumstance that Facing with 

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and for a lot of us early in our
career. 

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It's around money, you know, 
first career may not make a lot 

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of money but no problem. 
You're Scrappy, you're 

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resourceful. 
You work hard. 

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You can figure it out and all of
those qualities are great. 

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But when you don't update your 
internal sense of identity, then

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you live with more money as 
though you had very A little of 

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it. 
And so, what that means is, we 

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can either go into hoarding or 
we can go into continuous fear. 

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Like it'll all go away or it's 
not enough. 

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And you don't learn this skill 
of thinking strategically in 

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weighs about money that you you 
couldn't before because you 

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didn't have to. 
And when we're in the work 

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context, this becomes really 
important because you can over 

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index on being Rappy. 
And that can turn into taking on

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too much both for yourself and 
for your team because it never 

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occurs to you. 
That you could ask for 

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additional resources, whether 
that's budget or head count or 

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time. 
You're not used to asking for 

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things because you're so 
identified with there isn't 

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enough and I can't ask for 
things. 

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So I'll just make do So, what we
want to do is we want to 

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decouple these great qualities 
of being Scrappy and resourceful

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and capable, but we want to 
bring that to this new awareness

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of your you're not solving for 
the same problem anymore. 

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And I think what happens with a 
lot of us is that we become so 

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good at adapting to the 
challenging circumstances that 

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way face, especially Early in 
life and early in our career 

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that it becomes second nature 
and we approach everything with 

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that same problem, solving skill
set. 

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Even when the problems are the 
challenges change. 

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So that is one of the things 
that you want to pay attention 

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to. 
As are you over identifying with

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a problem set. 
Are you over identifying with a 

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stage? 
And is it time to update your 

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internal? 
It's and perspective because 

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that will shift how you think 
about things. 

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And then instead of feeling the 
anxiety and the worry and the 

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guilt and the insecurity. 
You can Orient yourself more 

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accurately to where you are. 
So if we take a step back and 

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look at the collection of 
emotions that come up around. 

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Oh no, things are going great. 
What do I do? 

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Anxiety? 
Worry guilt. 

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Fear insecurity, we can kind of 
sum all of that up as feeling 

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unsafe. 
I feel unsafe, even though 

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things are going great because 
my mind keeps thinking about how

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things could go wrong, how I 
could mess up, how I could be a 

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disappointment, how? 
Maybe I'm actually not, you 

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know. 
Cut out for this. 

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Maybe they were right. 
Whoever they are. 

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The people that give you these 
thoughts inside your head. 

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So the core of it is this sense 
of unsafety. 

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And so, what we want to do then 
is to create a feeling of safety

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inside yourself. 
We want to create this awareness

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that it is safe to be 
successful. 

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We want to explore. 
Why is it so Eve for you to be 

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successful and it helps a lot 
when we slow down and really 

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articulate. 
What is the underlying thought 

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and the underlying worry and 
fear because that's what is 

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creating, that sense of unease. 
And that feeling of unsafety. 

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We really want to get some 
clarity around that whether it's

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the feeling that I feel like I 
will lose connection to my 

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family. 
If I am successful because they 

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have not been, they have 
struggled or they have been 

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successful but it took so much 
work and they worked so hard for

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so long just to get you know, to
a level that I've already 

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surpassed and I feel like I 
don't fit in with them. 

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They won't really understand me 
and I feel like I'm somehow 

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being disloyal. 
How can we honor that 

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perspective? 
And then question it and find 

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how is it true that you are 
safe? 

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And you are still a part of this
family. 

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You are still connected deeply 
to your roots for me. 

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You know, when I did my big 
career change my big here, 

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career shift like 10 years ago. 
I really had to face that and on

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one level it seemed kind of 
silly, right? 

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Like I was thinking about my 
ancestors and how hard they 

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worked and how hard their lives 
were. 

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Were and it really changed when 
I realized if I think about my 

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ancestors and actually have both
sides. 

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So my ancestors in the 
Philippines and also my 

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ancestors in the Midwest and all
of the harsh conditions that 

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they've dealt with as farmers. 
And this sense of the, for me, 

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it was this kind of guilt of I 
have this kind of cushy 

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corporate job and I, my kind of 
being wasteful and throwing it 

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all. 
Way by taking a very different 

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career pivot and that was so 
heavy on me. 

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It felt so heavy and it felt it 
felt so like anxiety and guilty,

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and shaming and self judging 
like the ancestors in. 

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Both. 
My family lines are hard working

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people and they worked hard and 
had difficult lives. 

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And who am I now to kind of 
throw away this cushy life. 

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That you know, that they think 
that they couldn't have like 

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they worked so hard to give me 
this and I'm going to throw it 

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away. 
That's how I was thinking about 

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it and even talking to you about
it. 

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Now, I can feel the emotion. 
I can feel myself start to 

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shrink and I can even feel, you 
know, that little tingling 

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feeling and in that in my eyes, 
as I think about that and what 

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really changed things for me. 
Was one. 

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I really sat with that question.
And I kind of felt into it and I

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thought about it and I thought, 
you know what? 

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I think, if my ancestors if all 
of my ancestors, have the 

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ability to watch me here in this
job that I don't want anymore. 

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They are watching me in a career
that I don't want anymore. 

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I don't think they're cheering 
for me to stay like I think the 

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role of every Elder is to look 
upon the incoming generation 

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with so much love and so much 
encouragement. 

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And to cheer you on to really 
believe that, like, we are at 

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your back. 
We are cheering for you. 

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We didn't work so hard so that 
you could like throw your life 

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away into a career that doesn't 
fit anymore. 

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It That one time it doesn't 
anymore. 

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We didn't work so hard so that 
you would kind of sit in misery 

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and cultivate resentment and 
regret like, that is not what 

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it's about. 
And so when I was able to see 

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things from a different 
perspective and really feel like

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I'm not defying my past. 
I'm not disregarding or 

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disrespecting my family line. 
I'm actually doing what they 

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did, which was Make courageous 
choices from Love from 

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determination because we are 
like, hard-working people and 

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that can be true even in a 
contemporary and modern, you 

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know, living situation. 
And it's such an incredible 

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feeling that feeling of relief 
that feeling where it's not a 

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burden. 
But instead it's this, beautiful

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stable, Rich ground that you are
springing up. 

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From. 
So when you create a sense of 

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safety inside yourself, when you
start to understand, why do I 

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feel afraid that things are 
going? 

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Well. 
Am I afraid, it'll all go away. 

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Am I afraid that they can't 
last? 

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Am I afraid that I'll be cast 
out? 

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Like am I afraid that I'll mess 
up in a way that you know, will 

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not be recoverable? 
And I know my identity. 

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She is one who is, who is one 
who doesn't make mistakes? 

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And so I'm afraid of making a 
mistake. 

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Like we want to really 
understand kind of what are the 

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layers to the the unease fulness
and one additional thought it 

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doesn't happen. 
You know, it doesn't have to be 

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about your ancestors and this 
kind of Deep thing. 

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It might be, but it also can be 
something as simple as I'm. 

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So used to feeling in Hustle 
mode and anxiety that I never 

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practiced. 
Feeling content like it can be 

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that simple. 
It's kind of like you have this 

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emotional momentum. 
And when you drive your 

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achievement with anxiety, Then 
when you get achievement, you 

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still have the anxiety. 
Like it doesn't magically go 

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away because you got that thing 
you had been going after. 

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You have to intentionally and 
purposefully practice feeling 

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content. 10th feeling safe, 
feeling proud, feeling really 

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satisfied, feeling excited for 
what's next. 

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You have to practice that. 
At least, as much as you 

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practice the anxiety, the 
insecure, the worry the guilt 

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and the fear. 
It's kind of like, you know, if 

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you think about training your 
body, you can't just train the 

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front muscles of your body. 
You have to train the back ones 

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to, you know, the extensors and 
the hamstrings. 

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And the glutes, like you can't 
just train your quads. 

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You have to also train your 
calves. 

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That's how we create a sense of 
balance. 

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Otherwise, the strongest muscle 
will always want to do the work 

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and we'll pull you into using it
and it works, really? 

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Similarly with emotions, the 
emotions you practice the most, 

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the thoughts, you practice the 
most. 

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Those are the ones who are most 
available and ready, and you'll 

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tend to use them more. 
So, it might simply be a 

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question of balance and what are
you? 

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Practicing? 
And what is it time to kind of 

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00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:17,100
cross train and practice you up?
And so, that is what I wanted to

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share with you today. 
If things are going great. 

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And you're thinking, oh no, what
now things are going great. 

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You are in good company. 
That is normal. 

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If you are not there yet. 
I can almost assure you that 

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that will happen because you are
a human and humans. 

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Uncomfortable around change, we 
fall into patterns. 

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We have all kinds of, you know, 
layers of feelings, and beliefs,

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and emotions that are active 
under the surface, that we don't

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always realize. 
So I wanted to share this with 

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you. 
I know you are going to do great

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00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:59,200
things with it, and thank you so
much for listening. 

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I'll see you next time. 
Bye. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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life. 
And when you're happier in your 

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00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:12,300
life, you're more effective at 
work. 

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00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:17,600
I can help go to my website. 
Kim nickel.com and sign up for a

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00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,500
coaching consult. 
It can get better.