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Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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If you are new to the show, my 
name is Kim nickel. 

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I am a coach, I have been a 
manager. 

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I have coached managers, I now 
work with folks, one-on-one and 

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I have a program for managers 
and I have some exciting news. 

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There will be a new cohort 
opening up for my group. 

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Program to know more about that.
Go to my website. 

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Kim nickel.com, go to the 
managers page, make sure you're 

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on the email list because I will
be sending out details for when 

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we start and for, how to join 
very soon. 

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And one of the ways I've been 
thinking about it as I've been 

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teaching my current group. 
And just noticing what happens 

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as I've been coaching folks for 
the last couple of years, is 

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that in the course of your work,
I think there is often so much 

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happening that you're just 
trying to focus on what's right 

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in front of you. 
And something I hear from almost

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every single person I work with 
is it is hard to find the time 

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to step back and take a big 
picture. 

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Look at what's going on, what 
you're doing, what you want and 

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where you're headed? 
And when we are stuck in the 

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weeds and being overwhelmed 
because of everything that's 

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happening in the moment. 
It's so easy to push off and to 

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delay taking that moment to 
pause and reflect. 

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And give yourself that strategic
thinking space. 

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But the value of doing that is 
that's how we start to feel like

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you're more in control of what's
going on and what you're doing. 

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And sometimes I find it helpful 
to remember that, of course, 

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there's a Going on, of course 
the to-do list will never feel 

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like it's completely done. 
There will always be more things

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you could do always competing 
demands for your time and for 

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your attention. 
And so the goal isn't to 

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complete everything. 
The goal is to choose. 

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What are you going to work on 
and why and To trust yourself in

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making that decision. 
And sometimes when we're afraid 

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of that, especially if you're 
afraid of making the wrong 

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choice, then what I see is we 
just avoid making decisions at 

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all and instead try to do 
everything but that, of course, 

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becomes overwhelming. 
It becomes unsustainable creates

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a lot of second guessing a lot 
of self-doubting. 

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That becomes very draining and 
it's really hard to get out. 

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That Loop because there's a lot 
of momentum that gets generated 

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when that's how we are 
responding and reacting to our 

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external environment. 
So learning how to feel more in 

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control by taking a pause and 
taking a step back to look at 

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what's going on to get a 
different perspective, really 

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helps a lot. 
And so with the program that 

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I've designed, that's how I 
started to really think of it is

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It's a time each week for you to
pause, kind of like if you've 

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ever seen race cars, they can't 
just go around and around the 

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track in order to race, 
effectively in to compete in 

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this, you know, racetrack you 
have to pull over, you have to 

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make a pit stop and you have to 
refuel get the tires changed. 

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You have to have a support team 
to help you. 

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Tune up recalibrate. 
Refresh and then you get back on

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the road. 
It really is difficult to keep 

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going and never never stop. 
Those pit stops are critical to 

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the success of the Endeavor. 
So I've been thinking more and 

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more about the work I do and the
way I see my clients make good 

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use of it for a lot of them, 
it's that one time in the week 

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when they know they can pause, 
slow down, catch your breath, 

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get some Support take a 
different look at what you're 

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facing and how you're dealing 
with it so that you can feel 

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confident that the choices 
you're making and how you move 

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forward, you feel good about 
that, I had a conversation very 

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recently with one of my clients 
and was just feeling so happy 

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for because she said, you know, 
when I started being a manager, 

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I was still worried about 
managing everybody that all my 

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attention. 
Whole mind was filled with how 

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do I manage all these people. 
And I was doing it by wanting, 

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by trying to be really 
supportive, wanted to be so 

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supportive of everyone and what 
she realized was that she had 

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not been direct with them, she 
was not being directive. 

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She's like, oh my job is to not 
just be supportive but to give 

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direction to help them. 
See go Go here, do this for 

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these reasons and that awareness
of, so right, when we're 

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completely filled to the brim, 
trying to manage the tasks that 

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to dues that people. 
When we're so full of trying to 

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manage things, then we're not 
really seeing the role for more 

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than that. 
We're not taking time to think 

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about how can I give my team 
Direction, how can I direct 

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them? 
How can I be direct with them in

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a way that actually helps 
everyone to know what to do? 

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And to know why until work well 
together. 

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So, that's what's been top of 
mind for me that I wanted to 

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share with you. 
Is that feeling of being out of 

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control feels overwhelming 
anxious. 

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Like you have to play 
whack-a-mole and just always be 

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aware of what's going on in 
handle. 

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It in the moment, it can create 
a sense of Of self-doubt. 

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Like, what am I doing? 
Am I doing this right? 

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That feeling of being out of 
control, tends to not feel very 

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good. 
And when we are acting from that

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place of trying to be super 
reactive and handle everything 

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that gets exhausting, and it's 
honestly not very sustainable 

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where we start to feel more in 
control. 

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Is when we start to think, okay?
I know what to do. 

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Even if that is, I know I need 
to pause and take a Back and 

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reevaluate. 
Sometimes, that's what we know 

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what that we need to do. 
We start to feel more calm when 

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we feel like we're in control, 
you start to feel more confident

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because you're like, okay, like 
I know what I need to do. 

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I can find some control here. 
That's not all completely out of

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my hands. 
You start to have more direction

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for yourself. 
You start to think. 

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Okay, I know the direction that 
I'm going with one of My 

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clients, they also said, I don't
know the path but I do know the 

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direction. 
I love that so much. 

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I think that really describes so
much of what the mindset shift 

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is. 
We sometimes think I need to 

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know the exact path in order to 
feel confident about what I'm 

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doing. 
Actually. 

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What if that's not true instead 
you want to know the direction. 

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I know the direction, I'm 
headed, the vision I have, is 

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this, the goal I have, is that 
the direction I'm going? 

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Looks like this the precise 
path. 

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I might create that as I go 
along, I don't need to know what

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that is before I get started. 
When you have that clarity about

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the direction, you start to feel
more in control a lot more calm 

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and then you become more 
decisive because now it's less 

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scary to make decisions. 
And when you stop Delaying 

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making decisions. 
And when you feel more confident

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in the decisions that you make, 
that also feels like so much 

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relief. 
So much of the fear of doing 

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things wrong, starts to go away.
When you have that sense of 

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internal control that sense of 
internal certainty that Of 

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internal calm. 
So, a couple of things to think 

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about one is notice when you 
start to feel like things are 

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out of control, ask yourself, 
okay? 

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So what is within my control and
we really want to look at that 

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and we really want to be honest,
sometimes we tell ourselves, 

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nothing is in my control. 
I'm supposed to be able to do 

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all of these things. 
And really what's going on is 

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were simply afraid. 
To appear like we're failing at 

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something. 
What might be going on is you're

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used to being good at things 
right away. 

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And when you're not, you feel 
like you're not in control of 

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anything and you take it really 
hard. 

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And then you start to retreat 
that self-judgment starts to 

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activate. 
So, take the time to slow down 

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and ask, like, what's in my 
control, and really be honest 

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here. 
So sometimes what's in your 

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control is you can have a little
more compassion for Yourself. 

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You can have a little more grace
for yourself. 

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Sometimes, what's in your 
control is the willingness to 

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feel uncomfortable. 
Being direct giving your team 

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direction or having a direct 
conversation with somebody. 

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Sometimes, that's the thing in 
your control. 

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Sometimes it's being okay, 
feeling uncomfortable because 

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you know that's where your 
growth is and you know you would

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rather have the conversation. 
On and move on. 

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Instead of ruminating about it 
for hours or days or dreading it

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or wondering. 
Oh if I say this what if they 

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say that we can burn a whole lot
of energy and a whole lot of 

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time in that mindset. 
So bringing yourself back to 

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you, what is in my control being
honest about what that is and 

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that single shift in 
perspective. - can bring you so 

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much relief. 
It's so much easier and so much 

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peace of mind. 
The other thing I've been 

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talking a lot with my clients 
about is the reminder that the 

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goal is process. 
Not Perfection. 

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So, when you are a high 
achieving person, when you're a 

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very hard-working, sometimes we 
think I can get it perfect the 

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first time and we hold back and 
we actually don't have a 

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conversation unless we I feel 
like we can do it perfectly or 

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we put a lot of judgment on 
ourselves because we think all I

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need to do it perfectly. 
And what I want to remind you is

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that Perfection is not the goal.
I would love for you to be more 

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interested in process. 
What is the process that I'm 

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going through? 
I'd love for you to be more 

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curious about progress. 
What is the progress? 

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I am making and sometimes we 
don't even realize where we need

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to Learn until we encounter 
something difficult that then 

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illuminates. 
Okay? 

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This is something I don't feel 
good at yet. 

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So this is now showing me. 
I'm going to have to learn to do

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this. 
And when we're managing people 

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that can be anything from having
a difficult conversation, to 

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delegating to managing up, 
managing up, is such an 

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important skill. 
And we Sometimes just don't even

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think about it because we have 
this assumption. 

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I shouldn't have to manage up. 
My manager should know how to 

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manage me in the way that I want
to be managed. 

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And we forget that your manager 
is also a human. 

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They probably also did not get a
lot of guidance or training or 

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they might have received 
guidance and training but in one

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specific way and maybe they 
didn't receive the kind of guy. 

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Sir, training to manage who you 
are as a person, or how the 

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organization is working. 
Now, I certainly know that over 

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the last couple of years with 
more and more organizations, 

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going remote, or hybrid or 
dealing with the pandemic and 

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all of the ways that that has 
affected the workplace. 

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There are so many new things 
that managers are learning how 

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to to do. 
How do we stay connected as a 

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team when we are hybrid or when 
we are not all in the same place

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and maybe we used to be before. 
So, many of the things that your

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manager might have learned, they
might be needing to relearn. 

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And when you assume that, it's 
their job to know, how to manage

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you. 
You give up that feeling of 

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control. 
Again, it's like I have no 

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control over my manager. 
Rather than thinking, okay, if 

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I'm going to become better at 
managing up, what do I want to 

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be paying attention to in my 
relationship with my manager? 

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I can assume best intent. 
Let's assume that they're trying

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to do a good job. 
But what is the thing that I can

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be doing? 
Or thinking about, in this 

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relationship that will make it 
easier for us to work together 

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and that will make it easier for
my manager to support me? 

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In the way that I need because 
I'm not going to assume that 

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they know automatically how that
looks or what or what that even 

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looks like. 
So there's this whole 

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perspective shift that starts to
happen when we begin to ask 

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ourselves. 
This question about, where do 

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you feel in control? 
Where do you not feel in 

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control? 
And it's really hard to get that

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perspective. 
Unless you pause take a step 

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back, Back and get a moment to 
look at the big picture and not 

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simply be overwhelmed by all of 
the different things that are 

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coming at you all of the time. 
So, that is what I wanted to 

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share with you today, as you go 
into this week, notice where you

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start to feel out of control 
identify why, what's going on? 

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That's creating that feeling in 
you and start to get curious, 

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where can you find a little 
hole? 

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Of control control, not like 
micromanaging, either, trying to

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micromanage other people, or 
micro manage yourself. 

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But instead, remembering. 
Okay, you are a person who has 

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agency, you are a person who is 
intelligent and well-intentioned

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and you are good at figuring 
things out. 

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So where can you find a measure 
of control to hold on to even if

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it's the the simple thought? 
out of I know that I don't know 

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what I'm doing because I haven't
done this before, but that's not

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a problem because, you know, 
here are the resources, I have, 

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here's what I am doing to learn 
here, the things that are going,

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well, you don't need to know 
everything in order to steal 

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feel confident and like, you 
have a measure of control and 

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agency and autonomy in your 
life, you know, I'll share one 

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parting, thought on this 
sometimes, the thought that 

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creates the greatest Sense of 
ease and control. 

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Is, I know that this is 
temporary, this is simply one 

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chapter in my life. 
What do I want this chapter to 

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be about? 
And sometimes that perspective 

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shift is enough to let us relax.
Take a breath and say oh right 

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this isn't everything. 
This is one moment of my My 

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Life, One Moment In the Journey 
of my career. 

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What is this going to be about? 
That alone can shift you from 

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overwhelmed and whack a mole 
and, you know, don't know what 

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to do is we just got to keep 
trying to do all the things into

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taking a moment to pause and 
reframe and reset your 

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perspective. 
So, that is what I wanted to 

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share with you today. 
I do want to invite you to come 

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work with me. 
You can either work with me 

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one-on-one, that's a very kind 
of luxurious experience. 

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You get all the attention. 
You get all of the time to talk 

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about and we work together on 
what's going on or get ready for

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my group program. 
That's coming up. 

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Go to my website to get on the 
email list, you'll hear all the 

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details about that. 
That one is more luxurious in 

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the sense of being in community 
with people who do not Not know 

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you and being able to learn 
together with others. 

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So if that's the kind of 
connection or if that's what 

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feels like it's missing, you 
know, being a manager can 

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sometimes be a very isolating 
experience but that's more of 

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what you want. 
Then the group program can be a 

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really excellent choice for you.
But either way, I am here to 

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support you. 
You do not have to do this alone

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and come connect with me. 
We'll figure out what the best 

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approach and best path is for 
you. 

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Links are in the show notes. 
Thanks for listening and I will 

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see you next time. 
Hey before you go if you like 

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this podcast please leave a 
review. 

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Tell me why you listen and what 
has helped you? 

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Thanks so much. 
I'll see you next time.