Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
If you are new to the show, my name is Kim nickel.
I am a coach, I have been a manager.
I have coached managers, I now work with folks, one-on-one and
I have a program for managers and I have some exciting news.
There will be a new cohort opening up for my group.
Program to know more about that. Go to my website.
Kim nickel.com, go to the managers page, make sure you're
on the email list because I will be sending out details for when
we start and for, how to join very soon.
And one of the ways I've been thinking about it as I've been
teaching my current group. And just noticing what happens
as I've been coaching folks for the last couple of years, is
that in the course of your work, I think there is often so much
happening that you're just trying to focus on what's right
in front of you. And something I hear from almost
every single person I work with is it is hard to find the time
to step back and take a big picture.
Look at what's going on, what you're doing, what you want and
where you're headed? And when we are stuck in the
weeds and being overwhelmed because of everything that's
happening in the moment. It's so easy to push off and to
delay taking that moment to pause and reflect.
And give yourself that strategic thinking space.
But the value of doing that is that's how we start to feel like
you're more in control of what's going on and what you're doing.
And sometimes I find it helpful to remember that, of course,
there's a Going on, of course the to-do list will never feel
like it's completely done. There will always be more things
you could do always competing demands for your time and for
your attention. And so the goal isn't to
complete everything. The goal is to choose.
What are you going to work on and why and To trust yourself in
making that decision. And sometimes when we're afraid
of that, especially if you're afraid of making the wrong
choice, then what I see is we just avoid making decisions at
all and instead try to do everything but that, of course,
becomes overwhelming. It becomes unsustainable creates
a lot of second guessing a lot of self-doubting.
That becomes very draining and it's really hard to get out.
That Loop because there's a lot of momentum that gets generated
when that's how we are responding and reacting to our
external environment. So learning how to feel more in
control by taking a pause and taking a step back to look at
what's going on to get a different perspective, really
helps a lot. And so with the program that
I've designed, that's how I started to really think of it is
It's a time each week for you to pause, kind of like if you've
ever seen race cars, they can't just go around and around the
track in order to race, effectively in to compete in
this, you know, racetrack you have to pull over, you have to
make a pit stop and you have to refuel get the tires changed.
You have to have a support team to help you.
Tune up recalibrate. Refresh and then you get back on
the road. It really is difficult to keep
going and never never stop. Those pit stops are critical to
the success of the Endeavor. So I've been thinking more and
more about the work I do and the way I see my clients make good
use of it for a lot of them, it's that one time in the week
when they know they can pause, slow down, catch your breath,
get some Support take a different look at what you're
facing and how you're dealing with it so that you can feel
confident that the choices you're making and how you move
forward, you feel good about that, I had a conversation very
recently with one of my clients and was just feeling so happy
for because she said, you know, when I started being a manager,
I was still worried about managing everybody that all my
attention. Whole mind was filled with how
do I manage all these people. And I was doing it by wanting,
by trying to be really supportive, wanted to be so
supportive of everyone and what she realized was that she had
not been direct with them, she was not being directive.
She's like, oh my job is to not just be supportive but to give
direction to help them. See go Go here, do this for
these reasons and that awareness of, so right, when we're
completely filled to the brim, trying to manage the tasks that
to dues that people. When we're so full of trying to
manage things, then we're not really seeing the role for more
than that. We're not taking time to think
about how can I give my team Direction, how can I direct
them? How can I be direct with them in
a way that actually helps everyone to know what to do?
And to know why until work well together.
So, that's what's been top of mind for me that I wanted to
share with you. Is that feeling of being out of
control feels overwhelming anxious.
Like you have to play whack-a-mole and just always be
aware of what's going on in handle.
It in the moment, it can create a sense of Of self-doubt.
Like, what am I doing? Am I doing this right?
That feeling of being out of control, tends to not feel very
good. And when we are acting from that
place of trying to be super reactive and handle everything
that gets exhausting, and it's honestly not very sustainable
where we start to feel more in control.
Is when we start to think, okay? I know what to do.
Even if that is, I know I need to pause and take a Back and
reevaluate. Sometimes, that's what we know
what that we need to do. We start to feel more calm when
we feel like we're in control, you start to feel more confident
because you're like, okay, like I know what I need to do.
I can find some control here. That's not all completely out of
my hands. You start to have more direction
for yourself. You start to think.
Okay, I know the direction that I'm going with one of My
clients, they also said, I don't know the path but I do know the
direction. I love that so much.
I think that really describes so much of what the mindset shift
is. We sometimes think I need to
know the exact path in order to feel confident about what I'm
doing. Actually.
What if that's not true instead you want to know the direction.
I know the direction, I'm headed, the vision I have, is
this, the goal I have, is that the direction I'm going?
Looks like this the precise path.
I might create that as I go along, I don't need to know what
that is before I get started. When you have that clarity about
the direction, you start to feel more in control a lot more calm
and then you become more decisive because now it's less
scary to make decisions. And when you stop Delaying
making decisions. And when you feel more confident
in the decisions that you make, that also feels like so much
relief. So much of the fear of doing
things wrong, starts to go away. When you have that sense of
internal control that sense of internal certainty that Of
internal calm. So, a couple of things to think
about one is notice when you start to feel like things are
out of control, ask yourself, okay?
So what is within my control and we really want to look at that
and we really want to be honest, sometimes we tell ourselves,
nothing is in my control. I'm supposed to be able to do
all of these things. And really what's going on is
were simply afraid. To appear like we're failing at
something. What might be going on is you're
used to being good at things right away.
And when you're not, you feel like you're not in control of
anything and you take it really hard.
And then you start to retreat that self-judgment starts to
activate. So, take the time to slow down
and ask, like, what's in my control, and really be honest
here. So sometimes what's in your
control is you can have a little more compassion for Yourself.
You can have a little more grace for yourself.
Sometimes, what's in your control is the willingness to
feel uncomfortable. Being direct giving your team
direction or having a direct conversation with somebody.
Sometimes, that's the thing in your control.
Sometimes it's being okay, feeling uncomfortable because
you know that's where your growth is and you know you would
rather have the conversation. On and move on.
Instead of ruminating about it for hours or days or dreading it
or wondering. Oh if I say this what if they
say that we can burn a whole lot of energy and a whole lot of
time in that mindset. So bringing yourself back to
you, what is in my control being honest about what that is and
that single shift in perspective. - can bring you so
much relief. It's so much easier and so much
peace of mind. The other thing I've been
talking a lot with my clients about is the reminder that the
goal is process. Not Perfection.
So, when you are a high achieving person, when you're a
very hard-working, sometimes we think I can get it perfect the
first time and we hold back and we actually don't have a
conversation unless we I feel like we can do it perfectly or
we put a lot of judgment on ourselves because we think all I
need to do it perfectly. And what I want to remind you is
that Perfection is not the goal. I would love for you to be more
interested in process. What is the process that I'm
going through? I'd love for you to be more
curious about progress. What is the progress?
I am making and sometimes we don't even realize where we need
to Learn until we encounter something difficult that then
illuminates. Okay?
This is something I don't feel good at yet.
So this is now showing me. I'm going to have to learn to do
this. And when we're managing people
that can be anything from having a difficult conversation, to
delegating to managing up, managing up, is such an
important skill. And we Sometimes just don't even
think about it because we have this assumption.
I shouldn't have to manage up. My manager should know how to
manage me in the way that I want to be managed.
And we forget that your manager is also a human.
They probably also did not get a lot of guidance or training or
they might have received guidance and training but in one
specific way and maybe they didn't receive the kind of guy.
Sir, training to manage who you are as a person, or how the
organization is working. Now, I certainly know that over
the last couple of years with more and more organizations,
going remote, or hybrid or dealing with the pandemic and
all of the ways that that has affected the workplace.
There are so many new things that managers are learning how
to to do. How do we stay connected as a
team when we are hybrid or when we are not all in the same place
and maybe we used to be before. So, many of the things that your
manager might have learned, they might be needing to relearn.
And when you assume that, it's their job to know, how to manage
you. You give up that feeling of
control. Again, it's like I have no
control over my manager. Rather than thinking, okay, if
I'm going to become better at managing up, what do I want to
be paying attention to in my relationship with my manager?
I can assume best intent. Let's assume that they're trying
to do a good job. But what is the thing that I can
be doing? Or thinking about, in this
relationship that will make it easier for us to work together
and that will make it easier for my manager to support me?
In the way that I need because I'm not going to assume that
they know automatically how that looks or what or what that even
looks like. So there's this whole
perspective shift that starts to happen when we begin to ask
ourselves. This question about, where do
you feel in control? Where do you not feel in
control? And it's really hard to get that
perspective. Unless you pause take a step
back, Back and get a moment to look at the big picture and not
simply be overwhelmed by all of the different things that are
coming at you all of the time. So, that is what I wanted to
share with you today, as you go into this week, notice where you
start to feel out of control identify why, what's going on?
That's creating that feeling in you and start to get curious,
where can you find a little hole?
Of control control, not like micromanaging, either, trying to
micromanage other people, or micro manage yourself.
But instead, remembering. Okay, you are a person who has
agency, you are a person who is intelligent and well-intentioned
and you are good at figuring things out.
So where can you find a measure of control to hold on to even if
it's the the simple thought? out of I know that I don't know
what I'm doing because I haven't done this before, but that's not
a problem because, you know, here are the resources, I have,
here's what I am doing to learn here, the things that are going,
well, you don't need to know everything in order to steal
feel confident and like, you have a measure of control and
agency and autonomy in your life, you know, I'll share one
parting, thought on this sometimes, the thought that
creates the greatest Sense of ease and control.
Is, I know that this is temporary, this is simply one
chapter in my life. What do I want this chapter to
be about? And sometimes that perspective
shift is enough to let us relax. Take a breath and say oh right
this isn't everything. This is one moment of my My
Life, One Moment In the Journey of my career.
What is this going to be about? That alone can shift you from
overwhelmed and whack a mole and, you know, don't know what
to do is we just got to keep trying to do all the things into
taking a moment to pause and reframe and reset your
perspective. So, that is what I wanted to
share with you today. I do want to invite you to come
work with me. You can either work with me
one-on-one, that's a very kind of luxurious experience.
You get all the attention. You get all of the time to talk
about and we work together on what's going on or get ready for
my group program. That's coming up.
Go to my website to get on the email list, you'll hear all the
details about that. That one is more luxurious in
the sense of being in community with people who do not Not know
you and being able to learn together with others.
So if that's the kind of connection or if that's what
feels like it's missing, you know, being a manager can
sometimes be a very isolating experience but that's more of
what you want. Then the group program can be a
really excellent choice for you. But either way, I am here to
support you. You do not have to do this alone
and come connect with me. We'll figure out what the best
approach and best path is for you.
Links are in the show notes. Thanks for listening and I will
see you next time. Hey before you go if you like
this podcast please leave a review.
Tell me why you listen and what has helped you?
Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.