1 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,320 Welcome to the new Manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:16,360 I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,200 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:23,600 Emotions. There are so many, and you might 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:29,080 not realize it, but managing people requires a ton of 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:35,240 emotional labor, both in terms of managing your emotions as 7 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:40,320 well as navigating the emotions of the leaders above you, your 8 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,920 colleagues, and the emotions of your team. 9 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:48,000 Now, this doesn't mean that you need to be kind of invasive or 10 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,960 nosy or sort of assume what people are feeling. 11 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:57,400 It's more about becoming aware that emotions are always in the 12 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,240 room when you have humans involved. 13 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,560 We all experience emotions differently but they influence 14 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:11,040 the way that we make decisions. Emotions also influence our 15 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:17,000 behaviors and also like our our resistance, our non behaviors. 16 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:21,120 This shows up in terms of procrastination when maybe you 17 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,280 know, you need to get something done, but you just, ah, you 18 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:28,880 don't feel like it or you feel resistant to it, or maybe you 19 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,440 are delegating something to somebody and you can sense their 20 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:38,160 resistance or you can sense, you know, I don't know if I can 21 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:43,040 really entrust this to them. I just, I feel like they are not 22 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,520 going to be able to do a great job. 23 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,040 I have some doubt. I feel some doubt about what's 24 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,320 going to happen next. You might sense it if you 25 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,800 receive a direction or some kind of announcement from your 26 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,320 leadership. And you might feel skeptical. 27 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,440 You might say, I don't know where this is coming from. 28 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,640 I don't know why leadership is doing this. 29 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,919 It might start to send a little bit of a ripple effect in the 30 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:15,560 sense of trust, which then turns into, like, hesitation and, you 31 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,920 know, not full commitment. And people start to lean back 32 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,600 and start to disengage a little bit, like, let's just see where 33 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,800 this goes until leadership follows up. 34 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,920 And they say, here's why we're doing this. 35 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,960 Here's the change we're making. Here's what we're responding to. 36 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,320 Here's our goal. Here's the value that's driving 37 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,760 this choice. And then people say, oh, now I 38 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,680 feel so relieved. That makes sense. 39 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,320 Now I can see that bigger picture. 40 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:52,720 And now I can feel like I understand what my place or what 41 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,800 my role is in all of this. And now I feel relieved, and I 42 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,160 feel more engaged, and I feel a renewed sense of commitment and 43 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,680 I feel motivated again. And I feel inspired to make a 44 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,520 difference and to really show up for my team and for the work 45 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,400 that we're doing. It's so interesting when we 46 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:17,600 really start to kind of look through the lens of what are the 47 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:23,040 emotions that are happening here and how are they influencing 48 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,560 what we're experiencing, the way we're working together. 49 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,280 Emotions are very human, and they are part of this relational 50 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,240 skill set around communication and around the way that we make 51 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,600 decisions at work. I think it's also helpful to 52 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,760 know that as a human with respect to emotions, you got the 53 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:47,040 full big box of crayons. So you might have some emotions 54 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,920 that you tend to prefer or the ones that you use most often. 55 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,640 But sometimes you're going to experience lots of emotions that 56 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,800 might not be so familiar or comfortable or pleasant or 57 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,760 enjoyable. So just understanding, you know, 58 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,000 that's, that's part of what it is to be human. 59 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:10,320 And so one of the favorite tools that I like to use is called the 60 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,560 Feelings wheel. And you can Google this and 61 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,280 you'll see lots of different examples. 62 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,760 I like the one on feelingswheel.com and you can 63 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:26,680 refer back to it anytime you need to revisit what are all of 64 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,680 these different emotions? So if you look at the feelings 65 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,360 wheel, you'll see it's this visual representation of 66 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:37,840 emotions and they're sort of categorized by relatedness based 67 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:42,560 on color and also proximity to this center core. 68 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,760 So at the center of the feelings wheel, there are just a handful 69 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:54,320 of emotions like happy, surprised, angry, sad, fearful. 70 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:59,920 And then as you go out to the further edges of the wheel, you 71 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:04,480 get more emotions and they have some subtle nuances, but they 72 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,720 are all kind of related. This can be really helpful 73 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,200 because when you're thinking about, for example, 74 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,400 communication, or you're thinking about how to be 75 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:19,840 influential, ask yourself, how would I like people to feel? 76 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,920 What is the intended feeling you want them to come away with? 77 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,720 Do you want them to feel reassured? 78 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,360 Do you want them to feel motivated? 79 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,600 Do you want them to feel a sense of relief? 80 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:36,280 Maybe you want them to feel a sense of greater trust. 81 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:39,960 Like, OK, I trust you. I might not like the decision, 82 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,080 but I can trust you know where you're coming from, that you've 83 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:47,920 got my best interests in mind. Think about the emotional 84 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:54,000 results or the the emotional outcome as part of what it is 85 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,720 that you want to see happen. It's almost kind of like I'm 86 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,280 just like getting a flashback to being a kid and you know, 87 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,600 someone tells you to do something and you say, oh fine, 88 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,880 OK, I can do that. You know, you can do something 89 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:15,440 begrudgingly with no motivation and you can kind of half ass the 90 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,520 job and just get it done, but not get it done. 91 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,360 Well, because you're feeling, you know, disconnected, 92 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:26,560 resentful, fine, you know, that sort of reluctance. 93 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,320 Or if someone else asks you differently, you might say, Oh 94 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,880 yeah, I can do that. I'd love to help. 95 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,000 Of course I can help. My pleasure. 96 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,600 And so it's the same thing, You know, it's not just what we get 97 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,120 done, but also how we get it done. 98 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,360 What is the emotion there? And to be clear, we cannot 99 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,960 control the emotions of others. Sometimes it will backfire. 100 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,560 We'll say, oh, I said this to them because I thought it would 101 00:06:55,560 --> 00:07:00,800 help them feel this way, but it they actually felt this other 102 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,800 way, which surprised me. I wasn't expecting that. 103 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,520 So sometimes that will happen. You know, people will not 104 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:12,480 realize that the way they say a thing will not necessarily land 105 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,480 as intended. That happens that the bigger 106 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,840 idea is just to understand, oh, emotions are in play. 107 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,760 And if I learn more about them both, learn more about the 108 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,400 emotions I have and just realize every single person you work 109 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,080 with has emotions, including your manager, including your 110 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,360 leadership, including your colleagues, including your team. 111 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,440 Sometimes people mask emotions. Some people feel them more 112 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:44,520 vividly than others, but they're always a part of the way that we 113 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,000 work. So one of the ways that I like 114 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,640 using the feelings wheel, and especially if you find yourself 115 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:57,120 feeling kind of lost or overwhelmed, is to pull up this 116 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:05,000 visual and then ask yourself, I feel blank because blank. 117 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:10,640 So you might say, well, I'm feeling confused because and 118 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:16,040 then answer it and say that as as many sentences as many times 119 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,800 as you need to in order to kind of get the tangle out of your 120 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,040 mind and get it in front of you and get it a little more 121 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:29,120 organized. Another way you can use this is 122 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,640 you can say this framework instead. 123 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:39,080 Say X happened. And so then I felt Y because Z, 124 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,720 it might sound like this promotion happened. 125 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:48,800 And then I felt excited because I've been wanting to grow and I 126 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,880 finally feel like I'm being recognized. 127 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,720 You might run that same sentence and say I got promoted. 128 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,800 And I'm feeling scared because now everyone is going to expect 129 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,600 me to be able to have answers and do this. 130 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,920 And I'm suddenly realizing I feel all this pressure. 131 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:11,360 That's another one. I feel pressure because everyone 132 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:16,160 seems to be coming to me for answers, and I'm suddenly unsure 133 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,560 of my own judgement because I've never done this before. 134 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,720 So by starting to get a little bit organized to start to 135 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,840 separate out, here's this feeling. 136 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,800 Here's what I'm noticing where it's coming up. 137 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,440 It allows us to sort of hold them a little bit more distantly 138 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,040 so we don't feel so overwhelmed by them. 139 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:42,200 And it can also help us understand, OK, so you know #1 140 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,440 like, is there a knowledge gap I need to fill? 141 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,480 Is this feeling actually really normal and understandable 142 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,880 because of the context? Maybe this emotion is simply a 143 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:57,960 very reasonable response to the reality that I'm facing right 144 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,520 now. And it's not something that we 145 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,360 need to fight or to resist or to hide, but to just acknowledge, 146 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,800 say, Yep, this is part of what's in the room with me right now. 147 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,920 If you're working with someone and you're feeling a little 148 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,760 unsure about what they're doing or why, right, you can also 149 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,080 approach it by asking, you know, hey, how are you feeling about 150 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,720 this project? You know, how you know on a, on 151 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:27,000 a scale of one to 10, you know, 10 being you feeling really 152 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:31,280 confident and assured and one feeling like you're just 153 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,440 confused and uncertain of, of how to best start. 154 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,320 Like where are you on that scale? 155 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:41,360 You can use it to start to understand how people are 156 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:45,080 feeling, how they're approaching things, which then might give 157 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,480 you information, information in order to be able to help them a 158 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,520 little bit better. So, you know, realize not 159 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,600 everyone is comfortable with emotions and talking about it. 160 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,240 So we don't need to pry, but it's just something to know 161 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:03,400 about so that it's in your pocket so that you can use and 162 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,760 make use of them more effectively. 163 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,800 Emotional intelligence is really valuable, I think, especially as 164 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,560 we've gone into a very hybrid work environment and when you 165 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,560 have people working together of different generations, they're 166 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,840 often very different generational norms around 167 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,160 emotions, especially in the workplace. 168 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,760 You know, it's interesting. I was talking with a friend of 169 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,240 my dad's the other day. I was visiting him and his, you 170 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,120 know, neighbor. All the neighbor guys were 171 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,880 hanging out and I was telling them about the work I do around 172 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,240 coaching and supporting managers and new managers. 173 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,760 And, you know, one of his friends said, oh, that's so 174 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,320 weird. You know, when I, when I was a 175 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,920 manager, we never had anything like that. 176 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:55,800 And of course, he's a much older generation and the norm of that 177 00:11:55,800 --> 00:12:00,320 era and of in the industry that he was in was very much like, 178 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,480 don't talk about emotions. Those are not professional. 179 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,920 But the reality was that emotions were there and they 180 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,920 were still happening because people were there and people 181 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,160 were still happening. But it's more like the emotions 182 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,720 that could happen were stoicism, you know, or, or this sort of 183 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,720 more of like a command and control style of work, which was 184 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:28,280 a bit more typical in that person's time in that person's 185 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,240 industry. And so for for them, it was a 186 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,880 little bit mind boggling to think like, oh, emotions. 187 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:40,200 That's something that you talk about at work as a leader. 188 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:45,200 No, like as a leader you're supposed to be impermeable and 189 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,480 absolutely unassailable. And there was a sense of kind of 190 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,800 rigidity. And I just thought, wow, yeah, 191 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,200 no, things are a little different now, you know, But I 192 00:12:55,200 --> 00:13:01,000 mention it because when you are at work, having in mind what are 193 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,800 the people that you're working with, realizing they might have 194 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:11,000 a different feeling about emotions and they may not be as 195 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:16,320 comfortable or as aware of how their emotions are influencing 196 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,960 their decisions and influencing their behaviors. 197 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,920 You know, this also makes me think like I, I this outdoor 198 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,880 workout thing the other day and it was the first time I had done 199 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,440 this and it was a class and there was this instructor. 200 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,360 And, you know, it's so interesting because a big part 201 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:40,600 of being a fitness instructor is not just giving people the 202 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:45,200 information about what they need to do and how they need to do 203 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,840 it. A huge part of it is motivating 204 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,560 people and helping them feel like they want to be there and 205 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,440 helping them feel successful, especially when they're 206 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,240 struggling. Because part of working out is 207 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,720 you want want to find that edge where you're working enough 208 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,840 where it's kind of hard. And it's interesting, you know, 209 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:07,360 to watch the different, the different techniques that this 210 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,560 person was using. They're different than the ones 211 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,960 that I used when I was a fitness instructor. 212 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,000 But you know, there are lots of different ways. 213 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:19,160 So it's not just about what to do, you know, it is about how we 214 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:24,160 do it and the different ways that we tap into emotion in 215 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:28,960 order to facilitate the outcomes and the experience that we want 216 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960 to have. So you might have a situation 217 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,760 where you're trying to motivate someone or you're trying to see 218 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,120 a behavior change, or you're trying to get people more 219 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:42,320 engaged or, or better working together and understanding. 220 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:47,040 OK, how can I emotionally, you know, bring this emotional 221 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,840 intelligence and awareness of emotion? 222 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:55,280 How can I use that in order to facilitate the outcomes that I 223 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,440 would like to see for this person, for our team, for the 224 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,960 result? So emotions, I think it's 225 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,920 interesting too, you know, where there's so much conversation 226 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,960 around artificial intelligence and it's like, yes, but we also 227 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,680 still need to just deal with the human emotion part because that 228 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:16,160 often gets overlooked. So let us not lose sight of that 229 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,680 while we are trying to learn new things. 230 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,280 So that's what I would like to share with you today. 231 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,320 My challenge to you would be to check out that feelings wheel 232 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,560 and also just do a little gut check for yourself. 233 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,880 What are the, you know, top three emotions that are present 234 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,800 for you as you look to the week ahead? 235 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,280 And then at the end of the week, ask yourself, what were the, the 236 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:47,600 predominant emotions that you experienced in your own life, in 237 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,960 your own work life, and if you had to, you know, sense or 238 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:56,880 perceive or name, what are the predominant emotions that you 239 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:01,000 notice with your team or maybe even with your leadership or 240 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,000 your organization? Just start being curious about 241 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,120 the language you would use to describe that. 242 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,680 And then you can get curious about, huh, I wonder what's 243 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,360 driving that. I wonder if that's intentional 244 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,000 or if that's more kind of reactive. 245 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,640 Just be curious, see what you notice. 246 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,000 All right, thank you so much for listening. 247 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:27,120 If you want my help to develop your own goals and to get more 248 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,560 skillful with emotions and work and all of that, there are two 249 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:34,240 ways to do it. 1, you can work with me one-on-one Ioffer 250 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,200 private coaching focused on your goals and your situation. 251 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:43,520 Go to my website, kimnickel.com or message me on LinkedIn and we 252 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,920 can talk about it there. The other way you can work with 253 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:50,200 me is through one of my courses. Go to the link below and sign up 254 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,200 to find out the next time my course will be offered. 255 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,200 All right, thank you so much for listening. 256 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,880 Oh, and before you go, if you would please leave a rating or a 257 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,160 review. It means a lot and it really 258 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,720 matters. OK, thank you so much. 259 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:10,560 Have a great day and I will talk to you next time. 260 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,599 When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your 261 00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:21,359 life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective 262 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,160 at work. I can help. 263 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,760 Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching 264 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,160 consult. It can get better.