Welcome to the new Manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
I was out sick for the last week and then I was traveling.
And so all of a sudden now it's March and the time has just gone
by so quickly. So today we're going to dive
right into our topic, and today we're talking about imposter
syndrome. I was thinking about this for a
few reasons. I had a really great e-mail from
one of my former students who took my course on communication
strategies for managers. And if you're listening, shout
out to you, you know who you are.
And she sent me this really great message and about her
experience in class and what's happened since then.
And one of the things she said that stood out to me was when
she signed up, she had been feeling a lot of imposter
syndrome and a lot of frustration.
And now, several months after the class, she said that she's
really loving her position, that her team is in a good place and
that the entire organization has benefited from what she learned.
And I was thinking about imposter syndrome.
And, you know, it's so often the case that people become managers
and they've never done it before.
You're really good at something and so people say great, like
the next step for you is to now manage people who are also doing
that thing. Maybe you're a great designer,
but now you're going to manage designers and the managing is a
new job. It's a different job.
Maybe you're really great at sales, managing a sales team
that's different. It takes a different mindset,
some different skills. You might be a really good
software developer and you're really good at grinding and
getting that code out and just, you know, really doing great at
building through code. But if you become a manager of
software developers, that's a different job.
And so it can #1 feel very abrupt, this change from feeling
very competent, like, you know, this thing that you do whatever
is that core functional domain of expertise that you have that
you've developed over the years, There's this thing that you're
good at. And now you're being asked to do
something of a higher responsibility because you're
now responsible for more people and for bigger outcomes.
And it's something you've never done before.
And so I want to #1 normalize that.
If you have that thought, I don't know what I'm doing,
that's OK. Most people don't know what
they're doing. And in fact, by admitting that
to oneself, that can be the easiest way to start to learn
the things you're going to need to learn.
The more that we deny or sort of pretend, the harder it is to
update our thinking and really focus on the things that matter
most, Especially if you are wearing multiple hats sometimes
you're going to be working as an individual contributor part of
the time and you will be serving as a manager part of the time.
And the temptation can be, well, I'm just going to do more of the
individual, individual contributor work.
And especially if you're a hard worker, it's easy to try to
solve everything by just working harder.
And then what happens is, you know, it's like you, you stop
delegating, you stop trying to train up others, and you end up
taking on so much of yourself and then just feeling frustrated
and maybe even resentful and maybe starting to question
whether or not managing people is even for you.
So we want to take a breath. We want to take a step back and
realize when you don't know what you're doing.
That's a very common experience when you are stepping into this
higher level of responsibility and this new role.
The other part can be the thought, am I supposed to know
what I'm doing? If I've been hired into this
role? Is it because they think I
already know how to manage people if I got promoted into
this role? Is it because I'm supposed to
already know things that I feel like I suddenly don't know?
But I didn't realize it until I was in this role?
And those twin thoughts, you know, the fear of I don't know
what I'm doing and Oh my gosh, am I supposed to know already
what I'm doing? Those two can spin and spin and
create a lot of fear, some feelings of inadequacy, and can
undermine and erode your sense of confidence and shut down your
curiosity. Like, it's really hard to be
curious and open to learning and trying new things when we're so
afraid. Because when we're afraid, we
tend to pull in. We tend to become guarded.
We tend to seek comfort and security, and we want to
eliminate any vulnerabilities. Anything that feels like, what
if people find out? So you sometimes call this
imposter syndrome. And I think sometimes it's more
accurate to think of it as, oh, yeah, these are the feelings
that happen when I'm stepping into this new level and this new
role. This is a sign of growth and
it's OK. It's not a problem.
You might even think of it if you are a parent or if you have
ever been the primary caregiver for children.
And you know, before you were in that position, you might have
some very strong opinions about how other people parent and
raise their children. You might have a lot of
opinions. You might have done a lot of
reading, but until you are in that role with that specific kid
and that specific personality and the specific challenges that
you're facing, you know, books are helpful, but they are never
going to fully prepare you for the actual experience of this
dynamic living moment. I think it's really similar when
you think about stepping into a manager role or a new level of
leadership. Books are helpful, yes, but at
the end of the day, you're working with individuals with
different personalities, different communication styles,
different working styles and different priorities.
That means that people will be motivated differently, that
people will not respond necessarily the way you would
respond because, you know, people are different.
And one of the skills and one of the mindsets I like to offer to
you and, you know, to everyone who works with me is this idea
of how can I become effective even when I'm working with
different kinds of people. And the idea is as a manager, as
a leader, how can I bring out the best of who these people
are? How can I enable them to work
Better Together towards whatever goal is, you know, the goal that
we're working on and that goal might change over time.
And when it does, how do I communicate that?
And how can I work in such a way that I feel like I'm really
doing right by my team, by our, you know, our goal.
And also for yourself, there's something where you want to
carry. I think of it as like, the right
level of responsibility. You don't want to feel overly
responsible because that becomes burdensome.
And it's also just not accurate. You know, if you feel like you
are singularly responsible for the happiness and well-being of
each person, that's kind of overreaching because there's a
lot happening in their lives that is, you know, none of your
business and certainly outside of your control.
But this idea, instead of while we are here working together for
this period of time, how can I work with them?
And how can we work together in a way that will be good?
So that when we are all looking back on this time in a year or
in a couple of years, we look back and we feel proud about
what we did while we were together.
Knowing that the time that we have working together is
temporary. We really don't know how long
this particular team is going to be intact for lots of different
reasons. And that awareness of the, you
know, kind of the right sizing, that sense of responsibility and
having that perspective of time can sometimes really help in
feeling more grounded, more clear about the scope of your
role and more able to really connect with a specific
intention that you want to bring as a leader and as a manager.
So if you feel that imposter syndrome, you know, feeling that
uncertainty or that self doubt or that am I even cut out for
this? If you just feel really
frustrated and you think, oh, managing people, it's
exhausting, you know, what's the point?
Maybe maybe I'm not really, you know, cut out for this.
If you're there, I want to offer something that might give you a
little bit of breathing room and help you find your footing.
So three questions you can ask yourself.
One is, what's my role here? As a manager, you're going to
wear different hats. Sometimes your role is to bring
clarity to what people need to focus on.
Sometimes your role is to, you know, like roll up your sleeves,
get shoulder to shoulder, get your hands into the dirt and do
the work alongside the team. Sometimes your role as the
manager is to protect your team from the distractions or from
the demands of others in your organization.
So in any given moment, you can ask yourself like what's my
role? So asking yourself what's my
role in this situation or what's my role in this relationship or
in this project, in this dynamic?
Because the way you answer that may change.
And it will help you to focus on what's most important in that
moment. Question #2 ask yourself what's
my goal? Especially when it comes to
communication? And this is something that we
spend a lot of time on in my 6 week course on communication
strategies for managers is whenever you're in a situation,
whether it's a tough conversation or you're trying to
figure out, like I keep, you know, saying this in this way,
but it doesn't seem to land. It's, it's not having the effect
I thought it would have. I'm not sure why, you know, this
person keeps coming to me with these questions when I've
already given them the answer and they're not implementing it.
We want to ask the question, what's your goal when you are
making decisions about what you want to communicate, how you
want to communicate it, and what you want to happen as a result?
In order to look at that and get clear about that piece, we want
to ask this question, what is your goal when you have a brand
new hire? Your goal in communicating with
them, especially in that first week or that first 30 days,
might be around helping them feel like they belong, making
sure that it's clear what they should be focusing on.
Maybe it's about helping them build their confidence using new
tools or facilitating introductions to different key
people that they'll need to work with on the team.
Think about what's your goal. It might be different with a
long time tenured person that you work with.
Maybe your goal with them is like, wow, they have so much
organizational knowledge. Part of my goal is to help them
to document or to somehow capture all of this great
information and history that they have in their own mind.
And maybe part of it is about helping them to feel really
appreciated for the work that they do, helping them feel
respected and seen and valued. Maybe that's what your goal is.
When you ask yourself, what is my goal?
It will help to simplify the path forward.
And the third question is, what is my intention?
This is a good one to revisit, honestly.
You could revisit it every day. You could choose a different
intention each day, or you could set one for the, you know, for
the week or for the month. But the intention is this idea
of how do you want to be with the people you're working with?
What is that internal mindset, that attitude?
What is the intention that you want to bring into the way that
you work? You might say, you know what?
My intention is to be really patient with people because I
know I tend to get impatient. My brain moves really fast.
My intention for today is just to be more patient.
Or maybe your intention is something like, my intention is
to be more trusting. I tend to hold pretty tightly
and I am really worried to let other people do things because
I'm worried they won't do it the way I would do it.
And so maybe for a moment, the intention is I need to trust
them a little bit more, see what they actually do so that we can
get that information and then talk about it.
Maybe they even have a better way of doing things.
I won't know unless I give them a little bit more trust and a
little bit more space. And then we can find out.
And then we can compare notes and have a conversation about
it. So thinking about your intention
will also help simplify things so that you feel less like less
overextended and you can feel a bit more gathered and a bit more
grounded. It can help you to feel a bit
more calm even when there's a lot of change or a lot of
uncertainty swirling around you. Just revisit these three
questions. What's my role, what's my goal,
and what's my intention? There are a lot of things in the
course of your work and in the course of the world that are not
in your hands that you don't have in any influence over.
But there is quite a bit that you do hold in your hands and
that you can access when you ask these questions.
What's my role? What's my goal?
What's my intention? Choose simple answers to those
questions and then see what happens when you use them to
help guide you through your work day, through your work week, and
through different conversations that you're going to be having
with people that you work with. So that is what I wanted to
offer you today. If you'd like to deepen your
learning, then sign up for my course, Communication Strategies
for Managers. Enrollment is open now.
The next cohort starts in April, so we're coming up.
I definitely recommend that you ask if your work will cover the
cost. Your work might be delighted
that you're taking the initiative to get the
professional development that will help you be more effective
at work. O consider asking.
You'll find all of the information in the links below
in the show notes. Or you can go to my website,
kimnickel.com and on the new managers page you'll learn about
the course, everything that's included, and how to sign up.
If you sign up with a friend, then you even get a little extra
savings, so consider that as well.
And lastly, if this podcast has been helpful to you, would you
do me a favor and leave a rating or a review?
You know, this show's not for everyone and I really like
listeners to know if they should be listening.
So when you leave a rating or a review, it helps others to know,
hey, is this a show I should be listening to?
I want to reach as many people as I can and help as many people
as I can because I know it makes a difference not just for you
and your life, but also for your team, for your organization, and
for the entire collective that we are all a part of.
So thank you so much for listening.
I hope you have a great day and I will talk to you next time.
When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your
life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective
at work. I can help.
Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching
consult. It can get better.