Welcome to the new Manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nickel. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
Communication skills are one of my favorite things to coach and
teach on because when you develop these skills, when you
learn how to be more effective in the way that you communicate,
not only are you able to get things done more easily and save
more time and save more energy in your work life, but you will
also start using the skills in your personal relationships as
well and creating better relationships as a result.
If you think about it, so much of the way that we create
relationships and do our work is through the way that we
communicate. It's how people feel
appreciated. It's how we build trust or how
we erode trust. It's how we convey what needs to
be worked on, what is important, where we people should put their
attention. And so communication skills, you
know, as a, as a topic, there's lots of nuance, lots of
different aspects to it. And it's so worthwhile to
understand for yourself, where are your strengths and what
skills do you want to develop and improve upon because it has
such a practical application in life and at work every day, and
especially as you're moving into higher levels of leadership and
management and you know, in your working career life.
So today I want to talk about over explaining why we do that
and what to do instead, how to think of it differently.
And I'll actually start with sort of the what to do instead.
And because it might feel kind of edgy, especially if you're a
person who thinks I don't over explain, I give the exact right
amount of information. Very often when we're the one
communicating, we don't feel like we're over explaining.
We feel like we're doing a very thorough, a very thorough job.
But if the person on the receiving side of that
communication, whether it is an e-mail, a direct message, a
presentation, just a conversation, if that person is
feeling overwhelmed, confused, shut down, lost, it's possible
that what feels like an appropriate amount of
thoroughness for you is actually being experienced as over
explaining, giving too much, and this person isn't quite sure
what to do with it. So rather than giving
information in a chronological way, for example, or giving it
in a completely comprehensive way, I want you to take a step
back and consider what is the goal here?
Are we trying to connect? Am I trying to, you know, make a
request? Am I trying to change someone's
behavior? Maybe I'm wanting to give them a
recommendation so that then they behave in the direction of that
recommendation. Or maybe I am giving them
information or direction that then I want them to follow
exactly. When you have first that that
question answered in your own mind, what am I trying to get
them to do? Or what is it that we're talking
about? You can then start there.
Say the main thing first and then prioritize the information
that follows it. Decide what is important to back
up that topic and realize you don't have to say everything,
but instead you can say you know.
Here's my recommendation. I'll walk you through the
outline of my process. If you need the supporting data
or want to understand more about how we got to that conclusion,
please let me know. I'm happy to answer questions or
offer you that context separately.
When you do that, it helps to Telegraph quickly.
Where are we going? It's almost like giving someone
a chapter title in a book because it gives them just a
little bit of an indicator of like where where are we going
here? And then all of the information
is connecting back to that main topic area.
So they have a a bit of orientation around the
information. They know what to filter, they
know what to give more weight to, and it helps them to be more
prepared and organized to hear you.
And then it makes you appear more organized, more together,
more prepared. And because when you present it
that way, it will also help you to come across as a bit more
assertive and a bit more direct. And you can do all of this with
a lot of warmth, with a lot of rapport and connection and
kindness. Often I think we mistake being
direct with being unkind or being abrupt, and it doesn't
need to be that way. It can simply be from this very,
you know, warm and kind place. All right, so here's our topic
today and I'll walk you through this.
And then if there are questions or we need to get more of the
information, I'm happy to provide that.
So why do people not do that? And when I say people, I mean
myself included. This is also something I had to
learn and discover. It was effective.
There are four reasons that I thought about that I wanted to
share with you because my guess is that they'll either be
something that you have done yourself or something that
you've observed others. And part of being a manager, you
can think of it too as how can you help your team communicate
with you in the most effective way.
So with the episode today in the framework that we're sharing, it
might be something that you both remember for yourself, you know,
to lead with the main topic and then offer supporting context.
You can also share that with your team.
You can say, OK, you know, when we have this meeting, I'd like
you to start with the main topic so I know where we're going, and
then you can give me the relevant information behind it.
So you can also make that request in terms of how you work
together and see what happens, see if it makes things easier
for everyone when they have that approach in mind.
So why don't we not do that? Why do we tend to over explain
if we're not paying attention to it?
Number one, I found is that there's a desire to be
comprehensive, especially when you're a very hard worker, when
you have a lot of care in the work you do, you might
understandably want to be very thorough.
And from the idea of being thorough and comprehensive, you
end up providing an overwhelming amount of information, back
story, context. And the person who's receiving
that gets a little bit lost. They're not sure what they need
to focus on. They're not sure how all the
things will fit together and what is most relevant.
So watch out for that, especially if you're giving
feedback. This is something I've ever
spoken to in prior episodes, but sometimes when people become
managers and now they're giving feedback, they think I'm going
to do a really good job. I'm going to give, you know, 25
different things that I've noticed that they can change and
they're trying to be helpful, right?
I want to be really comprehensive and really
transparent. I'm going to find all the things
that I think you could do better.
But on the other side, the person receiving that might feel
overwhelmed. They don't know which one to
focus on 1st. They feel discouraged, like, oh,
I can't do anything right. They're always nitpicking and
finding things that I'm doing wrong.
Even if you're approaching it with the best of intentions, the
effect on the person receiving it might not match up with what
you think the effect or the impact is going to be.
So be mindful if your default setting is the value of being
thorough and comprehensive, be mindful that that may not be the
thing you want to lead with or the driving force by which you
organize. The way that you communicate #2
building your case. So we can get over explaining if
we feel that we need to build our case before we get to the
point. It's like we give all of the
reasons, all of the back story we're trying to create and like
a watertight ironclad basis for the thing we're going to say
next. And this I found really shows up
if you are someone who is not used to getting the benefit of
the doubt. If you are someone who has
experienced getting lots of challenges, especially if they
seem kind of petty or unevenly distributed, you know, if you're
a person and you say, you know, my colleagues offer this kind of
half baked idea and everyone is like, oh, that's a great idea.
We love it, let's go with that. But when I present an idea, I
feel like I'm being scrutinized at a higher level.
I feel like the standard is different for me.
I feel like I really need to build my case and be much more
upfront about expecting a challenge.
That also can be why we can end up over explaining is if you've
had that experience. And so again, you want to be
mindful, you want to be aware of what is the habit or the
practice that you have learned that you've developed.
And if it's this feeling of I never get the benefit of the
doubts I'm going to have to build my case.
You want to be cautious about over using that and you want to
know when you have that tendency because there will be times when
that is not the most effective strategy where you don't want to
bury or lose that main point. You want to draw people's
attention to that headline 1st and then decide how much you
know, case building do you need to do.
And that might vary depending on the context, depending on the
audience, depending on the other circumstances around that
situation. Now, kind of related to this a
little bit is if you are someone who feels very uncomfortable
with any kind of confrontation or a sense of being assertive,
this is where we kind of like warm up to the topic.
And so, you know, in contrast to building your case where you're
like, I need to make this really, really strong before I
ask or, you know, make my request or may or share my
perspective or recommendation before I, you know, before I get
there, I'm good. I just need to warm everything
up so I don't come across as being too pushy.
And this, too, is really an interesting thing because
different people get different kinds of feedback about their
communication. And this includes both across,
you know, the gender spectrum, different cultural contexts.
One person's style might be applauded as being very bold.
And then the other person's style might be, you know, they
might receive the feedback of, oh, you know, you're just,
you're too hard. You need to kind of soften it.
And so we're always trying to understand and triangulate, like
where are we based on the feedback that we get from
others? We're always trying to find how
we can be effective in different communication contexts.
And so if you are a person who has become very uncomfortable
around being perceived as confrontational or assertive, if
that feels uncomfortable being direct, then you might put all
of the information up front and then at the very end, make your
request or provide the main point or the main thing that you
want the person to do. And it's from this sense of
being deferential, a sense of needing to kind of warm up to a
thing before you name the thing. And again, you know, we want to
be mindful of what is the bigger picture context because there
are situations, especially in when we're thinking about a
multicultural workplace, we're being direct.
Depending on how and when we do that, it can register
differently. It can be interpreted
differently. So we want to remember, you
know, big picture, what is the environment and the professional
cultural context in which you're working And know for yourself,
there will be times when you might think, gosh, this feels
like I'm being too bold or too direct.
But remember, we're doing this in service of the listener.
How can I make it easy for them? How can I organize this
information so that they know where we're going and it will
help us to get there faster if I name that main topic right at
the start. So look for opportunities to
practice that. And if you feel like warming up
is your comfort zone, then we also want to practice expanding
your skills beyond that. And then lastly, if you are a
person who tends to be a very lateral thinker, a very
associative thinker, if you're a verbal person and you actually
organize your thinking on the fly by talking it through or by
writing it through, then you may have a tendency to over explain
things because the you know, the the way that you are
communicating is actually for you because that's how you are
organizing your thoughts. And the tricky thing too, with
being a lateral thinker, an associative thinker, is that it
can be easy to get lost in the forest of all of the things that
are connected. If you're like a very systems
level thinker, a very relational thinker, if you understand how
all these things connect, it can be easy to drift into a place
where you're now over explaining and, and because it's not in
service of what is that desired outcome?
What is the goal? What is it that you want the
person receiving this communication to do with this
communication? What are you creating or wanting
to be different as a result of this presentation, conversation,
e-mail? You know, when we lose sight of
that which can happen, Ask me how I know.
This is one of the things that for me too, I've struggled with.
I've had to learn when I'm communicating, it helps to have
a specific process where I'm able to organize my thoughts in
a draft or talk it through some place or with someone.
And that will then help me to be more organized when I'm then
presenting or giving that information to whoever the
intended audience is. So the more that you also
understand about yourself is what this last one is also
really about. If you have a mind that just
works in a really expansive way where you can connect all the
dots and you might assume that other people are able to follow
you and they see the same thing. Remember that we all see things
differently and our brains all process and work and are
organized a little bit differently.
So coming back to, you know, if our objective is to have this
effective and efficient communication, it's worth it to
take some time to think about it, reflect on it, organize it
before you, then send it out to that other person.
All of this means that it will be helpful to consider who is
your audience? What is the goal that you have
with this communication? What is it that you're trying to
do in this conversation or presentation or or messaging?
Because when you choose to be very intentional in this way,
when you choose to say that main point up front and then offer
whatever is the prioritization of information beneath that you
are helping your listener to focus and manage their
attention. And that is actually a very
valuable skill to be able to help manage where someone's
attention is going. It's almost like you're kind of
designing this experience so that when they receive the
information, it will enable them to do something with it, or
it'll enable something to happen in this relationship in a way
that makes things easier. So think about it in terms of
how are you managing their attention?
What is it that you would like them to focus on?
What is it that you would like them to do, or what is it that
you want to have happen next? Consider that first because it
will help you to organize your thoughts, organize what you want
to say, and then help you to say it in the most effective way.
I truly believe that the communication conundrums that we
encounter in the workplace, especially when they arise from
being fast, I often feel like we have this illusion that fast
communication is good communication.
Like if I respond quickly, things will happen faster.
But what I often see is that we can escalate and entangle
problems through that fast communication.
It's not just it's not just that things happen faster and better.
It's like things can get more confusing and we can waste more
time faster when our communication isn't being when
we're when we're not being thoughtful and deliberate in the
way that we communicate. And you know, like with all
skills, the more you practice it, the better it you become at
it and the easier it is. So with today's episode, I want
you to take a moment to notice which of these different aspects
that we talked about really stands out to you and where do
you want to apply that in the coming week?
Is there a meeting coming up that you can plan in this way?
Is there a specific relationship you have with someone at work?
And you think, Oh my gosh, every time we meet, they go on and on
and on and I never know what the point is.
Is there an opportunity for you to get ahead of that and say,
hey, before we start, I'm just curious to know what, what will
be the main point that you want me to focus on today?
OK, great. Now go right.
Like how can you influence the shape of the communication and
the conversation in the presentation using some of these
concepts to make things better, not just for you, but also for
your team and all the folks you work with?
So that's what I wanted to share with you today.
Thank you so much for listening. If you like this episode, leave
a review, please leave a comment.
It would mean the world. I always love hearing how people
are taking this information and using it.
And you can always find me also on a LinkedIn and let me know
there. All right, thanks for listening.
Have a great week and I will talk to you later.
When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your
life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective
at work. I can help.
Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching
consult. It can get better.