Welcome to the New Manager Podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
Today I want to talk with you about managing time by managing
expectations and time management is something I've talked with
you about before. A few months ago in episode 128,
I offered you 5 different lenses through which you could work on
time management. And I talked about managing
energy, managing your attention, managing emotions.
I talked about decision making and how that plays into the way
you manage your time, and I also talked about communication.
But today I have something a little bit different.
And the reason I wanted to take this entire episode to talk
about managing expectations is that I think sometimes you don't
realize how much that goes in to how you feel about your time.
Specifically, there are two directions for this.
One is the way that you manage expectations with others.
So identifying you know what is the expectation exactly about
when something is to be done and what will be required and what
is, you know, what does the timeline look like?
Like setting clarity around what those expectations are.
And there's often what I've noticed a subtle expectation
that you will hold that someone else is supposed to do this for
you. And a lot of times it's very
subconscious. We don't even realize.
But the way you'll know that this is in play for you is if
you start to feel resentful about the work that other people
are giving you. So if you're thinking, can't
they tell that I'm already overloaded or that my team is
already at capacity? If you're thinking, can't they
see that we're already full? Don't they know?
Like why are they coming to me with this now?
Like, don't they know? So if if you are holding an
expectation that somebody else and it might be your manager, it
might be like 2 levels up. It might be a cross functional
partner. So there might be a a work
relationship where you work with somebody and on their team like
their work and your work are connected.
And if you start to feel this sense of resentment coming up,
like they should know that we don't have room or they should
know I'm already busy, that's a sign that you are expecting that
other person to manage your time, to manage what you do and
when you do it and what you say yes to.
Oh, the other time, My clients often see this is around
scheduling meetings. So if you feel like they should
not be asking me to come to more meetings, they should know that
I'm already full. OK, That is about expecting
other people to manage your time.
Because what's in your control is whether you say yes to attend
a meeting. What's in your control is
whether you decide to go or send somebody else or request
instead. Hey, I can't make it.
Send me, you know, an overview of what the key points are or
what's in your hands is to say. I don't think I can make this
because I have some other things I have to get out.
Can you let me know in advance what will the agenda be and what
specifically will you need from me in being a part of this
meeting? And maybe you don't attend for
the whole thing, that maybe you attend for part of it.
So there's actually a lot more in your hands than you realize.
But you'll know if you're starting to feel a sense of
resentment. Like can't they tell I'm busy?
Don't they know we're at capacity or fall?
Then what that really signals is your expectation that they are
supposed to make decisions for you about what you're doing.
And that is going to always be a frustrating place to be because
other people are not thinking about you in that way, even if
it's your manager, right? Like my philosophy when I was
managing was OK, I, you know I will be in an active
conversation with my team and I will trust you to have a
conversation and to be honest with me and let's we'll
negotiate if we need to around what's happening and when.
So don't assume that someone else is keeping a watchful eye
over how much you're doing and what capacity you have and
making really thoughtful decisions about what they
assigned to you. But if you think that's what
should be happening, if you're holding that expectation, then
that's going to lead to a path of feeling overwhelmed and
overworked, rather bent out of shape and resentful, which is
not a fun way to be. And it's really exhausting.
So that's one right being aware of the expectations that you're
holding for others. The other piece of this is being
aware of the expectations that you're holding for yourself, and
if you have any bit of overachiever or perfectionist in
you. There is a high likelihood that
you will have this tendency. And the way that this sounds in
your mind will sound something like I should be able to get
this done. It shouldn't take this much
time. I should be able to do this and
it turns into putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
And it might either be the situation where it's like your
eyes are bigger than your stomach, you simply misjudge and
miscalculate the amount of time and energy a thing will require.
Or it is simply the kind of thing where maybe the individual
task itself is not a big deal, but because you have committed
to 20 of them already, then that additional, you know, one more
is is beyond an incremental addition.
It actually is like, yeah, no, there's there's actually no more
room in this car. Like we can't, we can't, we
cannot squeeze one more thing in.
So if you have a tendency to want to say yes, to kind of
forget, what are the other existing commitments you have,
If you have a reluctance or an aversion to letting people down,
Like if you're thinking, if I say no to this, I'll be letting
someone down, you know, sometimes what we'll do is we'll
say yes to things thinking, I can just suck it up, I'll just
work extra this week, but it can add up.
We actually want to build up the skill of becoming more aware.
Like, what is the actual expectation you're holding for
yourself, and how does that match with what is actually
happening right now? Because sometimes, you know,
like, we're human, so we're smart, but we're human, so we're
forgetful, and sometimes we forget what is required when we
make commitments to other things.
The other reason why it's important to consider the
expectations that you hold for yourself is if you have a
feeling that you're not doing enough, and you'll know that
you're thinking I'm not doing enough because you'll feel
inadequate. You'll feel like you need to
prove yourself. You'll have this sort of vague
sense of unease, like you have to always be doing more.
Because on the inside you have this sense of I'm not doing
enough, I should be doing more. That is an internal expectation
that you have. And when that is activated, what
we want to do is actually slow down and get really curious and
ask well based on what like what would you consider to be enough?
How do we define and identify what that sufficiency is?
Because it might be that you simply have this untested and
unquestioned feeling of always being behind or never never
doing enough, but you never have defined it.
So it always feels like you know you're you're never there,
you're you're always, you're always lagging.
When actually, if we identify, OK, what do you define as
enough? You might realize I've actually
hit that and it still feels bad because I want to do more.
But we can recalibrate and get a better perspective on where
you're actually AT. And then we can adjust the
expectations and realize, OK, what do we do with the
additional work or the additional, you know,
aspiration, right? Like you might have an
aspiration to accomplish, you know, something very vast.
But if you consider your actual energy and your other
commitments and the quality of your attention, you know, and
the other priorities going on, there may be some decisions that
we need to make around timing or around resources or around
asking for external support or help or delegating.
So I think the question around time management is so
fascinating because it's rarely about simply making decisions
about time and not having enough.
There are so many different angles that we can look at
depending on what your specific situation is, right?
But looking at what are the expectations and how are you
managing those both in terms of the expectations you have for
others that you work with and the expectations that you have
with yourself. I think this is really
important. Typically when I see you know
teaching about setting expectations and managing
expectations, it's usually around how we communicate in our
agreements with others. Like the expectation is we can
do this by this time and if that changes then I will let you know
or sometimes it's presented as you want to over deliver and
under promise. So you might say, Oh yeah, we
can get that done in about 10 days knowing internally that
you'll be able to probably hit that in about 5, but you want to
build in a little bit of buffer just in case something goes a
little bit sideways. So that's one version of
managing expectations, which is kind of what are what are we in
agreement around and what can we agree upon with respect to
timeline and deliverables and you know like how, how and when
things will work. But I think this other angle is
so important as well, because it's one that will activate the
emotions that will either drain you and create a lot of
exhaustion and worry and anxiety and that persistent kind of self
doubt. Or once you gain some awareness
around them and start to question them and look at them
in a slightly different way. It's the kind of perspective
that when you shift can bring you so much more ease, so much
more Peace of Mind and a great deal more feeling of confidence.
A sense of, yeah, of course they're not supposed to know
what my capacity is. You know, Of course there will
always be more requests than I can individually handle.
You know, like that's that's fine because I know that it's my
job to manage my time and not somebody else's.
Like that feels so much better when we stop expecting somebody
else to see us and understand and then adjust.
It's so much easier when we know we can just say, oh, let me
update you on what my current capacity and availability is.
We need to adjust some of that external expectation between the
two of us when you know that of course they may not do that
unless you speak up about it, right?
Like, don't expect someone else to know how to do that for you
and for yourself to realize, is there some place where you are
holding such a standard of yourself that it's creating
unnecessary pressure and overwhelm and stress?
Is it the kind of thing where, because of the expectation that
you have for yourself, are you not delegating?
Are you not making decisions about boundaries around your
time because you're afraid of not doing enough or you're
worried about letting people down?
Like, is that this kind of internal standard or expectation
that you're holding? Because once you see it and can
understand like, oh, that's what's going on, then it becomes
much easier to address it. And again, this is the kind of
shift where once you see it in this new light, it makes so many
things so much easier because then you're actually solving for
the real problem, which is, you know, what we're saying yes to
how we're feeling about ourselves.
You know, is there clarity about what enough is supposed to look
like? Like, it just makes things a lot
easier. And then the vague sense of
dread starts to dissipate because we can kind of get more
of a clear handle on what it is that we're working on.
So you really want to watch out for that internal conversation?
That sounds like I should I should be able to do this.
This shouldn't be such a big deal, right?
Like, why am I having such a hard time?
I should be further along. Those are the kinds of questions
we want to get curious about and it's a lot of the work I do with
my clients because it can be really subtle sometimes.
It's hard to see it when you're in it, but by talking it through
and you know, putting words around it, getting it out of
your head, it becomes a lot easier to see.
So as we're moving into the end of the year, schedules might get
a little bit hectic both because of holiday things and travel
things and weather things and you know end of year business
things. So it will be important that you
are managing your time effectively like managing your
time in a way that really works for you.
And one way you can do that is by managing these expectations,
becoming aware of what are the expectations that you're holding
for others in terms of thinking whether they should or should
not be asking for your contribution or for your
support. And then what are the
expectations that you are holding for yourself.
Be really mindful if that perfectionism starts to take
control, because that is a really tough way to be and it
doesn't have to be that hard. There are other ways to approach
work that don't require creating all this extra pressure for
yourself. That's a lot of the work that I
do also with my clients, so that is what I wanted to share with
you today. Thank you so much for listening
and I will invite you to book a consult with me, learn more
about how I can help you one-on-one in becoming more
confident and feeling more calm and at ease in the work that
you're doing and in the direction that your career is
going. And if you want to know about my
upcoming group program, be sure you get on my e-mail list.
You'll find the link to both of those in the notes below, a link
to book a consultation, and also a link to make sure that you get
on to my e-mail list. Thank you so much for listening.
Have a great week and I will talk to you next time.
When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your
life. And when you're happier in your
life, more effective at work. I can help.
Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching
consult. It can get better.