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Welcome to the New Manager 
Podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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Today I want to talk with you 
about managing time by managing 

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expectations and time management
is something I've talked with 

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you about before. 
A few months ago in episode 128,

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I offered you 5 different lenses
through which you could work on 

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time management. 
And I talked about managing 

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energy, managing your attention,
managing emotions. 

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I talked about decision making 
and how that plays into the way 

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you manage your time, and I also
talked about communication. 

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But today I have something a 
little bit different. 

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And the reason I wanted to take 
this entire episode to talk 

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about managing expectations is 
that I think sometimes you don't

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realize how much that goes in to
how you feel about your time. 

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Specifically, there are two 
directions for this. 

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One is the way that you manage 
expectations with others. 

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So identifying you know what is 
the expectation exactly about 

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when something is to be done and
what will be required and what 

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is, you know, what does the 
timeline look like? 

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Like setting clarity around what
those expectations are. 

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And there's often what I've 
noticed a subtle expectation 

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that you will hold that someone 
else is supposed to do this for 

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you. 
And a lot of times it's very 

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subconscious. 
We don't even realize. 

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But the way you'll know that 
this is in play for you is if 

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you start to feel resentful 
about the work that other people

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are giving you. 
So if you're thinking, can't 

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they tell that I'm already 
overloaded or that my team is 

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already at capacity? 
If you're thinking, can't they 

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see that we're already full? 
Don't they know? 

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Like why are they coming to me 
with this now? 

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Like, don't they know? 
So if if you are holding an 

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expectation that somebody else 
and it might be your manager, it

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might be like 2 levels up. 
It might be a cross functional 

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partner. 
So there might be a a work 

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relationship where you work with
somebody and on their team like 

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their work and your work are 
connected. 

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And if you start to feel this 
sense of resentment coming up, 

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like they should know that we 
don't have room or they should 

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know I'm already busy, that's a 
sign that you are expecting that

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other person to manage your 
time, to manage what you do and 

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when you do it and what you say 
yes to. 

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Oh, the other time, My clients 
often see this is around 

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scheduling meetings. 
So if you feel like they should 

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not be asking me to come to more
meetings, they should know that 

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I'm already full. 
OK, That is about expecting 

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other people to manage your 
time. 

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Because what's in your control 
is whether you say yes to attend

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a meeting. 
What's in your control is 

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whether you decide to go or send
somebody else or request 

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instead. 
Hey, I can't make it. 

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Send me, you know, an overview 
of what the key points are or 

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what's in your hands is to say. 
I don't think I can make this 

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because I have some other things
I have to get out. 

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Can you let me know in advance 
what will the agenda be and what

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specifically will you need from 
me in being a part of this 

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meeting? 
And maybe you don't attend for 

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the whole thing, that maybe you 
attend for part of it. 

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So there's actually a lot more 
in your hands than you realize. 

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But you'll know if you're 
starting to feel a sense of 

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resentment. 
Like can't they tell I'm busy? 

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Don't they know we're at 
capacity or fall? 

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Then what that really signals is
your expectation that they are 

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supposed to make decisions for 
you about what you're doing. 

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And that is going to always be a
frustrating place to be because 

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other people are not thinking 
about you in that way, even if 

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it's your manager, right? 
Like my philosophy when I was 

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managing was OK, I, you know I 
will be in an active 

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conversation with my team and I 
will trust you to have a 

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conversation and to be honest 
with me and let's we'll 

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negotiate if we need to around 
what's happening and when. 

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So don't assume that someone 
else is keeping a watchful eye 

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over how much you're doing and 
what capacity you have and 

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making really thoughtful 
decisions about what they 

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assigned to you. 
But if you think that's what 

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should be happening, if you're 
holding that expectation, then 

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that's going to lead to a path 
of feeling overwhelmed and 

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overworked, rather bent out of 
shape and resentful, which is 

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not a fun way to be. 
And it's really exhausting. 

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So that's one right being aware 
of the expectations that you're 

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holding for others. 
The other piece of this is being

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aware of the expectations that 
you're holding for yourself, and

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if you have any bit of 
overachiever or perfectionist in

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you. 
There is a high likelihood that 

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you will have this tendency. 
And the way that this sounds in 

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your mind will sound something 
like I should be able to get 

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this done. 
It shouldn't take this much 

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time. 
I should be able to do this and 

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it turns into putting a lot of 
pressure on yourself. 

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And it might either be the 
situation where it's like your 

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eyes are bigger than your 
stomach, you simply misjudge and

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miscalculate the amount of time 
and energy a thing will require.

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Or it is simply the kind of 
thing where maybe the individual

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task itself is not a big deal, 
but because you have committed 

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to 20 of them already, then that
additional, you know, one more 

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is is beyond an incremental 
addition. 

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It actually is like, yeah, no, 
there's there's actually no more

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room in this car. 
Like we can't, we can't, we 

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cannot squeeze one more thing 
in. 

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So if you have a tendency to 
want to say yes, to kind of 

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forget, what are the other 
existing commitments you have, 

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If you have a reluctance or an 
aversion to letting people down,

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Like if you're thinking, if I 
say no to this, I'll be letting 

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someone down, you know, 
sometimes what we'll do is we'll

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say yes to things thinking, I 
can just suck it up, I'll just 

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work extra this week, but it can
add up. 

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We actually want to build up the
skill of becoming more aware. 

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Like, what is the actual 
expectation you're holding for 

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yourself, and how does that 
match with what is actually 

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happening right now? 
Because sometimes, you know, 

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like, we're human, so we're 
smart, but we're human, so we're

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forgetful, and sometimes we 
forget what is required when we 

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make commitments to other 
things. 

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The other reason why it's 
important to consider the 

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expectations that you hold for 
yourself is if you have a 

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feeling that you're not doing 
enough, and you'll know that 

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you're thinking I'm not doing 
enough because you'll feel 

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inadequate. 
You'll feel like you need to 

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prove yourself. 
You'll have this sort of vague 

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sense of unease, like you have 
to always be doing more. 

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Because on the inside you have 
this sense of I'm not doing 

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enough, I should be doing more. 
That is an internal expectation 

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that you have. 
And when that is activated, what

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we want to do is actually slow 
down and get really curious and 

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ask well based on what like what
would you consider to be enough?

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How do we define and identify 
what that sufficiency is? 

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Because it might be that you 
simply have this untested and 

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unquestioned feeling of always 
being behind or never never 

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doing enough, but you never have
defined it. 

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So it always feels like you know
you're you're never there, 

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you're you're always, you're 
always lagging. 

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When actually, if we identify, 
OK, what do you define as 

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enough? 
You might realize I've actually 

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hit that and it still feels bad 
because I want to do more. 

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But we can recalibrate and get a
better perspective on where 

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you're actually AT. 
And then we can adjust the 

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expectations and realize, OK, 
what do we do with the 

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additional work or the 
additional, you know, 

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aspiration, right? 
Like you might have an 

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aspiration to accomplish, you 
know, something very vast. 

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But if you consider your actual 
energy and your other 

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commitments and the quality of 
your attention, you know, and 

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the other priorities going on, 
there may be some decisions that

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we need to make around timing or
around resources or around 

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asking for external support or 
help or delegating. 

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So I think the question around 
time management is so 

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fascinating because it's rarely 
about simply making decisions 

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about time and not having 
enough. 

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There are so many different 
angles that we can look at 

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depending on what your specific 
situation is, right? 

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But looking at what are the 
expectations and how are you 

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managing those both in terms of 
the expectations you have for 

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others that you work with and 
the expectations that you have 

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with yourself. 
I think this is really 

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important. 
Typically when I see you know 

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teaching about setting 
expectations and managing 

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expectations, it's usually 
around how we communicate in our

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agreements with others. 
Like the expectation is we can 

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do this by this time and if that
changes then I will let you know

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or sometimes it's presented as 
you want to over deliver and 

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under promise. 
So you might say, Oh yeah, we 

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can get that done in about 10 
days knowing internally that 

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you'll be able to probably hit 
that in about 5, but you want to

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build in a little bit of buffer 
just in case something goes a 

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little bit sideways. 
So that's one version of 

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managing expectations, which is 
kind of what are what are we in 

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agreement around and what can we
agree upon with respect to 

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timeline and deliverables and 
you know like how, how and when 

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things will work. 
But I think this other angle is 

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so important as well, because 
it's one that will activate the 

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emotions that will either drain 
you and create a lot of 

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exhaustion and worry and anxiety
and that persistent kind of self

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doubt. 
Or once you gain some awareness 

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around them and start to 
question them and look at them 

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in a slightly different way. 
It's the kind of perspective 

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that when you shift can bring 
you so much more ease, so much 

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more Peace of Mind and a great 
deal more feeling of confidence.

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A sense of, yeah, of course 
they're not supposed to know 

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what my capacity is. 
You know, Of course there will 

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always be more requests than I 
can individually handle. 

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You know, like that's that's 
fine because I know that it's my

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job to manage my time and not 
somebody else's. 

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Like that feels so much better 
when we stop expecting somebody 

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else to see us and understand 
and then adjust. 

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It's so much easier when we know
we can just say, oh, let me 

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update you on what my current 
capacity and availability is. 

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We need to adjust some of that 
external expectation between the

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two of us when you know that of 
course they may not do that 

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unless you speak up about it, 
right? 

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Like, don't expect someone else 
to know how to do that for you 

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and for yourself to realize, is 
there some place where you are 

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holding such a standard of 
yourself that it's creating 

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unnecessary pressure and 
overwhelm and stress? 

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Is it the kind of thing where, 
because of the expectation that 

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you have for yourself, are you 
not delegating? 

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Are you not making decisions 
about boundaries around your 

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time because you're afraid of 
not doing enough or you're 

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worried about letting people 
down? 

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Like, is that this kind of 
internal standard or expectation

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that you're holding? 
Because once you see it and can 

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understand like, oh, that's 
what's going on, then it becomes

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much easier to address it. 
And again, this is the kind of 

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shift where once you see it in 
this new light, it makes so many

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things so much easier because 
then you're actually solving for

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the real problem, which is, you 
know, what we're saying yes to 

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how we're feeling about 
ourselves. 

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You know, is there clarity about
what enough is supposed to look 

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like? 
Like, it just makes things a lot

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easier. 
And then the vague sense of 

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dread starts to dissipate 
because we can kind of get more 

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of a clear handle on what it is 
that we're working on. 

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So you really want to watch out 
for that internal conversation? 

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That sounds like I should I 
should be able to do this. 

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This shouldn't be such a big 
deal, right? 

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Like, why am I having such a 
hard time? 

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I should be further along. 
Those are the kinds of questions

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we want to get curious about and
it's a lot of the work I do with

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my clients because it can be 
really subtle sometimes. 

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It's hard to see it when you're 
in it, but by talking it through

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and you know, putting words 
around it, getting it out of 

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your head, it becomes a lot 
easier to see. 

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So as we're moving into the end 
of the year, schedules might get

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a little bit hectic both because
of holiday things and travel 

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things and weather things and 
you know end of year business 

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things. 
So it will be important that you

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are managing your time 
effectively like managing your 

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time in a way that really works 
for you. 

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And one way you can do that is 
by managing these expectations, 

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becoming aware of what are the 
expectations that you're holding

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for others in terms of thinking 
whether they should or should 

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not be asking for your 
contribution or for your 

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support. 
And then what are the 

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expectations that you are 
holding for yourself. 

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Be really mindful if that 
perfectionism starts to take 

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control, because that is a 
really tough way to be and it 

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doesn't have to be that hard. 
There are other ways to approach

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work that don't require creating
all this extra pressure for 

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yourself. 
That's a lot of the work that I 

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do also with my clients, so that
is what I wanted to share with 

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you today. 
Thank you so much for listening 

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and I will invite you to book a 
consult with me, learn more 

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about how I can help you 
one-on-one in becoming more 

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confident and feeling more calm 
and at ease in the work that 

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you're doing and in the 
direction that your career is 

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going. 
And if you want to know about my

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upcoming group program, be sure 
you get on my e-mail list. 

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You'll find the link to both of 
those in the notes below, a link

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to book a consultation, and also
a link to make sure that you get

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on to my e-mail list. 
Thank you so much for listening.

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Have a great week and I will 
talk to you next time. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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life. 
And when you're happier in your 

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life, more effective at work. 
I can help. 

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Go to my website, kimnickel.com 
and sign up for a coaching 

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consult. 
It can get better.