Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome, I'm glad
you're here. I hope you're doing well.
I am feeling really great right now because I spent all of last
week with my mentor and a community of other coaches, it
really reminded me of two things.
I want to tell you about one is how valuable it is to have.
Someone you can talk to who 100% believes in you and 100% is
unattached to your life and to the decisions that you make, you
know, most of us, we work with people, we have family, we have
friends, they might really support you, but they are not
unattached. They have opinions about you and
what you should do and how you are doing it and even when it's
coming from a good place. It's still can feel heavy and it
can get in the way. And I just need to tell you
that. If you have never been coached
before, you must experience, it especially around work where so
much of what happens there is either like very private.
So you can't talk to other people about what's happening on
your team because of confidentiality or it just turns
into complaining and commiserate.
Dating which feels worse because nothing changes.
Like, you can feel the connection of comfort when we
say, oh, this person at work is driving me crazy.
I don't know what to do about them but after that initial, you
know, feeling of, oh I see, I understand, I've been in that
situation to maybe try this. Like once that wears off it's
just you alone with your work and the People that you might
not have chosen to work with but there you are.
And it is liberating beyond what I can say to have a place to
talk about. Okay, here's what's going on.
Here's what I'm struggling with, here's what I'm trying to make a
decision about, here's where I feel undermined.
Here's where I feel frustrated to be able to talk about that
separate from your relationships with either other.
Colleagues or your friends and family and I'll tell you, when I
was in a work situation where I was feeling very frustrated
about the organization or about a relationship.
I was having. If there was some friction, I
wasn't sure how to handle it, it would completely show up in my
relationship with my partner because I'd either be talking to
him about it which then just, you know, brought the work issue
home or it would In the back of my mind draining my energy and
this low level constant distraction.
So if that is something that is happening for you, you have to
come on a consult with me and let's talk about what is going
on and get it started. Okay, so that was one thing, but
the second thing and this is what I loved when I was teaching
my live classes in person, you know, starting in 2017 was when
you You get together with other people who are managers who do
not work in your organization. You have a level of anonymity
where nobody knows you, nobody knows the people you're talking
about, it helps to kind of undo the emotional charge.
We feel when there's that sense of anonymity and it is.
So inviting you have so much more freedom to be really
honest. Because you're not trying to
Marriage anyone's image or perception of you.
Like I have done trainings in companies where everybody knows
each other, it is a different vibe.
When I am teaching people who are thinking, I will never see
you again. So I can be extremely open and
very honest, that Community is. So valuable both for, you know,
getting actually what you want to learn, but also for Getting
some relief from the pressure, and the stress.
And the other thing that's really interesting, when you're
talking with other people, is that an, especially, like when
you're talking with other people who don't know, you or who,
don't know, the work environment that you work in is you will
realize that, you know, more than you thought you did.
This happens all the time both when I work with folks
one-on-one. And also when I was teaching
group classes and group workshops is people from
different Industries, different companies, getting together and
sharing. What have they discovered, what
have they tried? What did they learn?
And it starts to build your confidence.
When you realize, you know what, I do know, some things.
I am not completely lost. I am not, I am not completely.
No, struggling here. There's actually a lot that you
do know, but you might have forgotten if you have been in a
state of frustration or if your confidence has been undermined
or you're just tired, it's so easy to forget the things you
all ready? Know and the things you do well.
So having conversations, super Valuable.
So I'm telling you that up front.
Okay, what I really wanted to talk with you today is that
managing is a separate job. It is a separate skill set.
And it's interesting to me that we overlook this, we Overlook
that managing people is a, it's an entirely separate job, it's a
different set of skills than whatever you have been doing
before. And the way I like to think
about it is imagine that you're in a car, you have never driven
a car before, but you think to yourself, well, I've written in
a lot of cars. I'll for many, many years.
I have been in the backseat of a lot of cars, a lot of different
cars. I've watched drivers drive and
in fact, I've given feedback about how poorly they drive.
And in fact I can look out of the car I'm in and into other
cars and I can see other drivers and I always spot who's driving
very poorly. So I know all of the things that
bad drivers do and let me tell you I have had so many bad
drivers of the cars that I've been in.
And then from the back seat, I got promoted.
I got to sit up front in the passenger seat.
Gave me a whole new perspective. I could see a lot more of the
road. I understood a lot more about
what the driver was doing. I even had access to the radio
and to the air conditioning. So I began to influence the
environment I was in and I was making decisions that affected
everybody else in the car. And then someone says alright
great you've got all these years of experience of being in cars.
And you understand what bad driving is?
Congratulations. Here are the keys you now?
Get to drive and you think yes, I have been wanting to do this.
I am ready to do this and you open the door.
You get in the seat, you close the door.
And you think what is all this? How wait what?
Like I've seen this. Done.
Countless times. I've seen people drive, I've had
very strong opinions about the ability of other drivers and now
I'm in the driver's seat and I know we got some Petals on the
floor. I know we've got this, you know,
gear shift here. I know I've got like, you know,
a wiper, you know device and I've got lights that go on and
there's some other kind of buttons and a display and a A
steering wheel, okay? Like no problem, like I've got
this, but the truth is that the experience of driving, the car
requires skills that you have not fully developed.
And it doesn't matter how many hours or for how many years
you've seen other people do it. Yes.
You have ideas about how to do it.
Well but there is The very specific skill of actually
driving that you only really learn when you are in the
driver's seat. So I wanted to share that story
with you because only think about driving, it seems obvious,
right? But it's a different skill and
yeah, like you might not be good at it at first, or you might
feel really confident until you get in the driver's seat and
then you think, oh, I'm not exactly.
Really sure how this all works. And that's not a reason to give
up or to say well I guess I just can't do it.
It's only for certain people, not for me.
It just means that when you drive the car, you will have a
period of learning how to do that.
Same with managing and in fact, with managing can be even a
little weird because you might end up managing people because
your organization is growing really fast, and you've been
there the longest or, you know, That function the best.
And so they're like, great. We're going to have you manage
these people. Ready go?
And you have like, no driver's, ed, no training.
And you know, no one to kind of show you what all the things
are. You just suddenly find yourself
in this position where you have a responsibility and it can be
really hard when you are not used to doing things poorly.
So I'm looking at you, my very strong.
It's like if you were a good student in school and you feel
very competitive and you do not like the feeling of knowing that
you're not doing a good job, this is going to be extra hard
for you because one of the skills that you need to develop
is the skill of feeling uncomfortable.
The skill of acknowledging, okay?
I don't know how to do this. I don't like this feeling, but
it's fine. I am going to learn how to do
this. This is a normal part of the
process. SS.
Here's what I do know. Here's what I can you know, the
resources that are available to me.
Here's what I need to find out, you can get started.
But what happens a lot of times is when you start putting all
this pressure on yourself to do a good job when you haven't had
any guidance or training or mentoring or anyone to help you
think through what do you need to be thinking about?
Now, in this new role of being in the driver's seat, what tends
to happen? Ian is we keep all of that
uncertainty, super, super private?
We don't tell anyone because you know, you're afraid of what will
they think? If they find out, I feel
insecure. And I don't know what I'm doing.
You'll think, oh my gosh, they're paying me way too much.
I don't know what I'm doing. You'll keep it private.
You'll start to doubt yourself and then what I've seen happen
from that is either that's when micromanaging can come out.
Because then the thought is I have to prove I'm doing a good
job so I'm going to control as much as I can in order to ensure
the result, the outcome that I'm responsible for and that can
turn into micromanaging so fast or you do a little bit.
Like I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I'm not
exactly sure of what I'm doing. So I want everyone to feel happy
with me because that's how I will measure.
ER, success. If my people are happy, that's
what I will use to feel successful.
And then you avoid the hard conversations.
You are have a really hard time, giving a corrective feedback or
telling people, hey, look like this here.
We need to change. This isn't working.
You'll have a hard time standing up for yourself for your team,
for being an advocate. It ends up backfiring and that
way too. So and we'll gosh and especially
and now with so much still of work from home and so much
remote work, it's really easy to hide to only present the face on
Zoom of hey everything's great. I've got it under control and
then get off that call and feel terrible.
And feel the pressure and feel like I can't let people know.
So you know, I want to frame this in this way because I want
to normalize it. I want to normalize that this is
a really common experience and that there's nothing wrong with
you. If you are experiencing this, it
just means, oh, you're now in the driver's seat but you know,
you're expecting yourself too. Know how to do something right
away that you've never done before and it is so interesting.
Isn't it that in the workplace? You know, we often think oh, the
reason why this person is in a leadership role.
The reason why this person isn't a manager role is because they
must be good at what they do. It is not always true that can
be shocking. It was surprising to me when
when I had that realization and when I I was first managing
people at a team of 18 and it was like, oh, all of a sudden
it's like, oh, I have to make decisions about team meeting and
about one-on-ones and about pay increases and about performance
reviews and here's another thing.
So when you become a manager, you also get access to new
information and two more information, and some of this
will be very, very specific and clear like, now that you're
managing You may have access to see the salary history of the
people on your team. We're normally that information
would have been considered really private.
You wouldn't have been able to know that but now you might have
access to that and it might feel weird.
Might feel very personal. You will also get more access
more perspective to what else is happening in the organization.
You'll be in meetings with higher level people having
different kinds of conversations and you'll be expected to
understand what's going on. Even if people are not telling
you what's going on, you'll be expected to understand what you
need to tell your people in order to get them to do.
You know, whatever it is that they need to do and to figure
that out on your own and again, the two extremes I see is either
being Over heavy-handed, right? Being too controlling or being a
bit to it deferential. A bit too, you know prioritizing
do people like me are people having a good time?
A good experience and that and but and what's interesting is
that both of those over corrections, I see it coming
from a good place, like nobody wakes up in the morning.
And says, I want to be a terrible manager today, and I'm
going to be the manager that my team goes home to their family
and complains about Nobody says that.
Nobody but what happens because you care and you're simply
uncertain you haven't developed the skills or the mindset yet.
So we get over controlling to try to get the good outcome or
overly deferential and avoidant. In order to try and get the
outcome. It's really interesting.
When you start to notice and then question what, like, notice
what you do, and then question, why you do it, or notice, what
you don't do, what you're avoiding and question, why
you're avoiding it. There's so much Insight that
comes from all of that. So that is what I wanted to
share with. You is just this awareness that
managing people is a Great job. It's a separate skill set and
it's fascinating how we can, you know, you can get into a
position of managing people even though you haven't done that job
before you also might find and what I might offer to you is
there's a lot of Hope and optimism in that if you are not
yet managing like if you don't yet have direct reports or if
you're managing a really small team and the next level up for
you'll be a much larger team. It's also a reminder Kinder.
Don't wait to be ready before. You're ready.
Don't think, well before, I can manage a team of that size I
have to, you know, manage a team of a similar size because that
will keep you out of the game. Like, that'll keep you from
promoting, like, promoting yourself.
It'll keep you from inviting yourself into that higher level.
It'll keep you from applying for jobs because you will disqualify
yourself because you'll say, oh, I don't have, I don't have
everything. But what I want to remind Mind,
you, is that any time you see a job posting or any time that
there's an opening internally for and, you know, a higher
level roll? It's because somebody really
wants someone to raise their hand and say, I'm ready for
that. Give it to me.
I'm going to do it. And here's why I can do it.
Like you don't have to have everything.
Perfect. Somebody really wants you to
raise your hand and say, yep, let me go.
I want to take it. And then your work is to
understand for yourself. Why will I be successful at that
thing? Even if I haven't done that
exact thing before, And that's part of them.
What you talk about, whether it's in your cover letter
interview, or just having conversations, you know, one of
the greatest ways to move your career forward is to let other
people know what you have an appetite for.
Oh, I think I'd be really great at that.
Here's why I feel so eager feels so ready to do this when you
start with that sense of self assurance, redness that sense of
confidence people want to say yes to that because they want
that Ashura Dennis and that confidence in that role they
want to say yes, make it easy for them to say yes to you the
other way, I think about this, sometimes the idea that managing
is a separate skill, even if you've been around it, if you've
been managed, you've had Opinions about how people
manage. Then you get in the driver's
seat feels kind of different. I think about this too, around
sales. Like you can be really good at
buying things. I'm so good at buying things.
I buy things all the time. If I groceries I buy coffee, you
know, I pay my cell, phone bill. I'm, you know, I buy things like
it's my job. I'm so good at buying things
really good at consuming super good.
But then if you're asked to sell something, people either love
sales or They tend to freak out about it.
Like oh my gosh, I don't know. I'm terrible at sales.
I don't know how to sell really, because you've been a part of a
sales relationship for years. You've been on the buyer side,
you've encountered salespeople people have sold things to you,
you have you know, enjoyed buying things but of course
selling is a separate skill set. Ling is a thing.
You can learn to do just like managing people and then, you
know, if you're great at sales and then you need to learn to
manage people. That's also a different skill
set but I want to give a little warm.
Shout out to my sales team managers because I feel like you
know there's there's something kind of magical that happens
around sales and especially people who feel called into
leadership in sales because it's so much about About
relationships so much about energy so much about the
invisible qualities, that make sales happen.
So I'm just through this sound. I am seeing you and giving you a
little bit of high five. So managing people is a separate
skill, don't freak out. If you don't know that you'd
like, if you realize, I don't know what I'm doing or freak
out. It's fine, but don't live in the
freak out that's exhausting and it doesn't help you or anybody.
You'll just get really, really tired.
You have options like you're listening to this podcast for 14
to reach out to me. Schedule a consult.
Let's talk and get this sorted out for you.
Oh, and extra bonus tip because it is the beginning of the year.
There are so many organizations that are sponsoring their
employees to get coaching to get training with me.
So that is something we in talk about to on your consult is the
Strategic approach for how to do that.
How to advocate for yourself to get that and realizing that
might be available to you. Mmm.
And someone might be really, really glad that you are taking
a leadership role in your own Career Development and saying,
hey, I want to get better at this thing.
I found someone to work with. Let's make that happen.
So many options. All right, that is what I have
for you today. I am glad that you are here,
listening and learning and I will talk to you next time.
Hey before you go if you like this podcast, please leave a
review. Tell me why you listen and what
has helped you? Thanks so much.
I'll see you next time.