1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,500 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome. 3 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,600 I'm glad you're here. And I hope you're doing well as 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,800 we get started. I need to share that. 5 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,400 I recorded this episode and then I don't know what happened. 6 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,400 Something weird happened. My computer crashed, I had to 7 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:35,300 reboot it and episode was gone. So I'm recording it again. 8 00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:41,600 And I'm telling you this because I know that you have had Had 9 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,700 things like this happen where you have done something, you've 10 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:51,100 done some work and then you went to save it and it didn't save or 11 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:56,000 you the system, something weird happened, and it crashed, and 12 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,100 you lost the work and it happens. 13 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:03,600 It is a thing that happens. But here are my thoughts about 14 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,700 it. Number one, this is a normal 15 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,100 thing. Like, if you're going to make 16 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,700 stuff, sometimes things are going to go weird and it's going 17 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,500 to crash. You're going to lose like Going 18 00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:13,900 to lose the work. So that's normal. 19 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,900 That's part of what happens here. 20 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,300 And number two, I'm also deciding to think of it from the 21 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:24,400 lens of, well, this episode that you're getting now is going to 22 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:30,700 be so much better because that first one that was like my warm 23 00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:32,200 up. That was like my draft. 24 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,400 That was like the dress rehearsal and now I'm going to 25 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,700 be able to deliver this perspective and information to 26 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:43,900 you. In an even better way with more 27 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:48,600 clarity and a whole lot more fun because, hey, I'm a human too. 28 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,700 And sometimes they get a little stuck in wanting to get things. 29 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,800 Right. I have an idea of how I want 30 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,800 them to be. I want to get it done correctly 31 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,900 or in the way that I imagined it and sometimes as a result that 32 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:04,400 can make me a little bit rigid. I don't know if you can relate 33 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,400 but you have this idea of how things need to be and if other 34 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,600 people or the world around you or the system's you're working 35 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,400 with, Are not totally onboard and cooperating with you 36 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,000 sometimes that can be really challenging so I am with you. 37 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:24,100 We are humans and we roll with the world as it rolls with us 38 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,500 and it's not a problem. So the main topic I wanted to 39 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:31,500 share with you today, I wanted to talk about mindfulness and 40 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,900 specifically thinking about mindfulness as a skill of 41 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:41,500 attention and this makes it for me like this is the reason Ian 42 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:46,900 why mindfulness is so valuable as a practice and as a like an 43 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,900 approach to your work and to your life and your inner World, 44 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:54,100 your outer world. What makes mindfulness so useful 45 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,200 because it's a skill of attention. 46 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,600 Where is your attention? What is the quality of your 47 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,500 attention? And the way that I think about 48 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:08,100 mindfulness is in this, this is how I Define it, it is your 49 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:14,200 attention in the present moment. With curiosity and kindness 50 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,600 present moment. Meaning, can I be present and 51 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:23,500 aware of what I am experiencing? What is happening here? 52 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:30,100 Can I simply notice what is in this present moment with me? 53 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:35,500 Sometimes what we become mindful of is how distracted we are. 54 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:41,100 Wow, my mind is everywhere right now except for hear that. 55 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:45,500 It's mindfulness to can I observe and notice the quality 56 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,400 of my attention. Like it's not about, you know, 57 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,300 I'm going to ignore everything to to focus. 58 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:56,900 It really is about being honest and really kind in noticing 59 00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:00,200 where is my attention right now? What is the quality of my 60 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,000 attention? And my perspective also is that 61 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:11,700 as humans, you arrived onto the planet finely tuned to the Of 62 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,600 attention of the people around you. 63 00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:19,800 I think of this as simply a survival mechanism. 64 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:25,700 That when we are born, we can't, we can't talk, we can't move 65 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,300 very well. We're very dependent on the 66 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,300 humans around us. We're very dependent and were 67 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:37,600 very tuned in to the quality of attention that we are receiving. 68 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:43,400 And so for a lot of us and also So I will share if you have kids 69 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,700 or if you've spent time around kids you know that they're 70 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:49,800 really tuned into the quality of attention that they're getting 71 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:54,100 from the adults. My favorite example is if you've 72 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,700 ever spent time with the little kid and they want you to come, 73 00:04:56,700 --> 00:05:00,400 look at something like, hey, pay attention to me, come look at 74 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,200 this. I want to show you something. 75 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:06,200 If you are faking it, if you are pretending. 76 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,800 Yes sweetie. I see you. 77 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:14,300 They know when you are lying, they Until they can tell when 78 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:18,100 you are faking when you are pretending to pay attention, but 79 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,600 really you're distracted and part of you is thinking about 80 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:26,500 something else, as humans were so perceptive to the quality of 81 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,300 attention of the people around us. 82 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,900 And as you grow into an adult, you learn all these new skills, 83 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:39,000 all these new things that you learn to do and you never lose 84 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:44,700 that ability to feel All into and become aware of the quality 85 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:48,500 of attention that you are receiving from people around 86 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:51,100 you. I think this is also why we tend 87 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,400 to take things. So personally, if we're in a 88 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,400 meeting with someone, and they seem impatient or 89 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,600 short-tempered, so often, the first thought is, are they mad 90 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,000 at me? Did I do something? 91 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,800 Is this about that thing over there? 92 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,000 I wonder if they're upset about this. 93 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,500 Did I do something wrong? We tend to Miss attribute, other 94 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:17,900 people's behaviors to ourselves, so much of the time. 95 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:20,900 When really, we don't know what else is happening for them. 96 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,200 And then we are the human in front of them. 97 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,900 And so they're sort of, you know, having their experience, 98 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,000 in our Direction. And we take things really. 99 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,900 Personally, the way that I've explained this in relationship 100 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:35,800 context, it works in the workplace, but sometimes it 101 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,600 really makes sense. When we think about our, our 102 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,600 relationship with family, friends, and loved ones, Ones. 103 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:46,100 Is this idea of having emotions near somebody. 104 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,100 So for example, I might be having an emotion near you. 105 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:54,800 It's not necessarily about you, like I might be feeling really 106 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,800 frustrated and so I'm talking and I'm feeling so frustrated, 107 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:03,500 but it's not about you. I'm not frustrated because of 108 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:09,600 you, but you are in the presence of a human who is frustrated, 109 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,100 and you might have some feelings about That and you might have 110 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:17,000 some thoughts about that and you might then try to change that. 111 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,400 How can I fix it? What can I do is this about me? 112 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:26,100 Like it's so interesting when we start to look at each other like 113 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:30,100 a relationships in ourselves. Do this perspective of being 114 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,700 Mindful and present to is there an emotion here? 115 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,400 Let's just hold that, you know like is there an emotion here 116 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:43,000 before going into the store Three, or the misattribution or 117 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,600 wondering, is it me or is it, you know, something completely 118 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,800 some could something completely different. 119 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,200 So mindfulness is a skill of attention, you're already wired 120 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,400 for it, you probably don't realize it and the more you 121 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:03,400 become aware of how you can use your attention and how valuable 122 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,500 it is. It really begins to change the 123 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:09,300 way that you work. The way you communicate. 124 00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,900 And the way that you experience Your work and your life to be 125 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,900 quite honest because you know, as well as I that if you are not 126 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,100 enjoying what is happening in your work and professional life, 127 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:26,500 then that unease or dissatisfaction will have a 128 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:30,400 ripple effect throughout the rest of your life. 129 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:34,299 And you know this because if you are not happy at work, you 130 00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:37,799 probably are talking about it to somebody else or if you're not 131 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:41,000 talking about it and you're just holding it silently inside. 132 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,000 I'd then you're not going to show up into your other 133 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:49,500 relationships in the same way if you're holding something kind of 134 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:54,400 difficult and secret on the inside and you might also know 135 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,100 this because perhaps you have been the person who lived with 136 00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:02,100 somebody who is having a really hard time at work and when they 137 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,900 came home and they wanted to talk about it or they came home 138 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,000 and they didn't want to talk about it, but you could still 139 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,400 tell that they weren't Will you present that? 140 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:16,100 Something was weighing on their mind or heavy on their heart. 141 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,900 You could still sense that it was there because as humans were 142 00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:24,300 really good at sensing and perceiving the quality of 143 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:27,500 attention of the people around us. 144 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,100 So here are some thoughts and some ideas I wanted to share 145 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:37,200 with you around being mindful in the workplace and how to use it, 146 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:43,300 both for yourself and for the People that you work with. 147 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,600 And as context to, I have just found mindfulness to be 148 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:53,400 incredibly useful as a human who works with other humans. 149 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:57,100 It's something that has really informed my career and the work 150 00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:01,600 that I did as a manager and then now not just in my work as a 151 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:07,300 coach and like as a teacher and instructor that just has a human 152 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:12,000 who is navigating the world mindfulness is the Datian of 153 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,100 just about everything that I do now. 154 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:20,200 So here are some things one, is that when you are being mindful, 155 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,500 when you are practicing noticing, where's my attention? 156 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:28,400 Is it in the present moment with curiosity and kindness and 157 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,300 curiosity, is what allows us to learn new things. 158 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:37,600 It allows us to wonder, huh? I wonder what else is going on 159 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,700 here, or? Oh, that's really interesting. 160 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,600 Huh. Okay, and then kindness is what 161 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,200 keeps the Curiosity warm and friendly. 162 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:49,000 Instead of feeling like an interrogation. 163 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,100 So it's the quality of curiosity that you had when you were a 164 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:56,300 little kid or you're just interested in things, but 165 00:10:56,300 --> 00:11:00,600 there's no agenda and there's no self-judgment. 166 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,700 It's just this friendly warm curiosity of like, oh, this is 167 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,300 so interesting. I wonder. 168 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,200 Hmm. Okay, that's the quality of 169 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,500 curiosity that we're going for. So when you have this in mind 170 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:18,200 then it allows you to notice when something is a little bit 171 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,300 off. You start to notice it sooner 172 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,900 rather than later which means you can address challenges and 173 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:28,600 problems when they're smaller rather than until they get so 174 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,200 big. So for example, here are some 175 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,500 signs that something might be a little off. 176 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:40,100 Over consuming over-consuming can be over consuming advice. 177 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,100 Like when you ask 10 different people for their advice on a 178 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,300 thing and then you feel overwhelmed because you don't 179 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:50,800 know what to do with all the, their opinions over consuming 180 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:55,500 can also look like like, literally over eating food, 181 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,100 which we do when we can feel stressed or when were angry, but 182 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,900 don't want to admit it or when we're worried, and are having a 183 00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:07,400 hard time facing that. Zooming of food can happen over 184 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:11,000 consuming of alcohol. I'm going to say that because I 185 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,800 used to be in the legal profession and that is a really 186 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:18,100 big issue in that profession in part because there are a lot of 187 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:22,400 cultural norms around. Drinking it starts in law 188 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,700 school, that was how we would often socialize and then it 189 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:30,700 turns into social events at work and then it turns into all this 190 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:34,600 is just how I bond with people and it takes the edge off. 191 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:40,400 And the drinking culture has been so prevalent and so 192 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:45,900 normalized. It is really easy to Simply over 193 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:49,200 consume. So that's a practice that often 194 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:54,900 happens and we can also over consumed with knowledge. 195 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:59,500 Like we sometimes think we need more knowledge in order to solve 196 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,900 problems or in order to address challenges and that can turn 197 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:08,500 into Down a rabbit hole of research that can turn into 198 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:12,300 never trusting yourself to make the right decision. 199 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:16,800 And instead over consuming information thinking that more 200 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,600 information. Another class another book, 201 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:23,400 another degree, another certification thinking those are 202 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,600 the things that will help you address the challenge. 203 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:30,300 Avoidance is another sign. That things are a little bit 204 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,100 off. Is there something? 205 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:38,000 You are avoiding a In a decision, decision, avoidance is 206 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,600 huge because the thing we tend to Art, but we're tending to 207 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:45,600 want to protect from, is either a fear of being wrong or a fear 208 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,700 of making a mistake. And so there's can be a 209 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:52,300 reluctance to make a decision for fear that. 210 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:55,400 What if I make the wrong one? What if I make the wrong 211 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,900 decision and I make a mistake or it's not it doesn't go the way I 212 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:02,600 want it to go. So instead of making the 213 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:07,200 decision, we avoid the Decision. Which in a way, is another 214 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,700 decision of itself. It's like you're deciding to not 215 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,300 decide but you're still choosing an outcome, you're choosing the 216 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,900 outcome that comes from not deciding. 217 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:22,700 So watch out for avoidance. Ruminating the non-stop 218 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:27,000 wondering what if and it's the kind of what if that makes 219 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:32,400 things feel closed and crowded intense as opposed to that 220 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:37,100 expansive? What if That feels inviting and 221 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:42,100 spacious and filled with possibility, it's really 222 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,800 interesting. You want to feel into is this 223 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:50,400 what if making me feel better more open or making feel more 224 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,300 closed and worried the closed worried often looks like 225 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,800 replaying conversations in your head. 226 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:01,200 Like, oh maybe if I had said this differently they would have 227 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:06,500 done that differently or it can think of Imagining the 228 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,300 conversation. So if I say this, then they'll 229 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,000 say that. And then I'll say this or the 230 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,900 fear of, if I say this, I bet they'll say that and then I'll 231 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:22,100 have to do this and there's a difference between kind of being 232 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:28,500 strategic and intentional and the feeling of anxiety that kind 233 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:32,400 of spins up and never actually goes anywhere. 234 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:35,000 So you want to be able to feel into Difference. 235 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,500 And then the last thing, the sign that something is a little 236 00:15:38,508 --> 00:15:41,700 bit off is there's like a complaining happening. 237 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,900 And you know this if you've ever been the person who live with 238 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:48,000 somebody who came home and complained about work, or who, 239 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,700 you know, kept it really silent inside, but you could tell 240 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:55,000 something was wrong or if you are feeling this urge to 241 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,500 complain about what's going on with others. 242 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:03,500 And a lot of times, what I see is that the feeling of complaint 243 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:08,900 is often Being driven by a desire to connect and to feel 244 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:11,900 understood. It's this thing of like what is 245 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:13,900 happening, something doesn't feel right? 246 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:18,200 And I don't know how to address that, but I have clarity about 247 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,700 the pain or the discomfort or the problem. 248 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,200 And so I put my attention on that part and then I look for 249 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:31,700 connection with others through that difficulty. 250 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:36,500 So when we are being mindful we are simply Hang attention to any 251 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:40,700 of these behaviors, not from a place of judgment. 252 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,600 But just from this place of noticing, ah, this is 253 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,800 interesting. I'm noticing this tendency and 254 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,800 the thing that can be tricky as that very often, it's a 255 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:57,100 cumulative pattern. So it's something that happens 256 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,700 over time. And this is also why it's so 257 00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:04,400 much about the context. So, you know, it's not 258 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:08,800 Necessarily like are you thinking over and over about how 259 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,900 you're going to have this conversation? 260 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:16,500 It's more like are you not sleeping because you're not able 261 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:20,200 to think through and then move forward on this conversation or 262 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,400 as one of my early clients told me? 263 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,800 She's like I love what I do. I'm really good at it but I 264 00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:29,100 can't stop thinking about it and I want to have some times when 265 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:32,700 I'm not thinking about work. If I'm taking my dog for a walk, 266 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:36,400 I just want to enjoy being With my dog, if I'm having dinner 267 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,200 with my husband, I don't want to be thinking about work. 268 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:43,900 I just want to be present in the moment with my partner. 269 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:48,400 So those are some of the distinctions that were looking 270 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,400 for. We want to be mindful and aware 271 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:57,100 and feel into these differences of so that we start to know so 272 00:17:57,108 --> 00:18:02,400 that you start to know, are you in a place where you want to 273 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,500 change something? Because Otherwise it's easier 274 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:10,600 for the momentum to just continue in a direction that 275 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,700 doesn't actually help. And then what's interesting is 276 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:17,500 when you turn the lens in a slightly different angle and 277 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,500 then you are the manager and you're looking at your manager. 278 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,300 So how you manage up you're looking at your team, how you 279 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:28,100 manage down and you're looking at your colleagues like how you 280 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:33,500 manage a cross, you can start to look for a couple of things and 281 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,800 I'll just give a few examples. Examples that my clients have 282 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,000 come with. And what's really fun to is 283 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,900 because I work with people from every industry. 284 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:47,200 I've really been able to see how much of these situations. 285 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,900 They're really not specific to the industry. 286 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,300 It's more like any time two or more people are working 287 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,800 together. This can happen because this is 288 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,800 a human thing. So the good news to for you is 289 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:04,300 that the more you learn how to work with this from a human. 290 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,400 Perspective. Then you can bring it into any 291 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,800 situation that you are working with humans and you can use like 292 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:16,300 the tools and Frameworks in those different settings because 293 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:20,900 the industry is not the most prevailing thing, it really is 294 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:24,400 the human part of it. So a number of my clients have 295 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:28,600 made observations and it's this essentially this, oh, this 296 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,900 person I'm working with is not very good at managing their 297 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:34,300 stress and so they're taking it out on me. 298 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,600 Me or they might phrase it as oh, my manager is under a lot of 299 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:42,200 stress and anxiety. And so now that's flowing out of 300 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,800 her. And as a result, she's putting 301 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,100 lots of pressure on us trying to get some kind of outcome. 302 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:53,100 Or it might be this other manager that I'm working with is 303 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,800 really stressed out and they're not managing that. 304 00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:00,200 Well, and as a result, its kind of leaking out. 305 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,000 And now everybody is feeling the sense of urgency and stress 306 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:10,600 because that one person is radiating, this urgency and 307 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,200 stress. I think it's so interesting when 308 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:18,800 we, when we look at humans working together as participants 309 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:23,100 In this ecosystem. And if one person is chronically 310 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:28,700 and consistently radiating, urgency and anxiety, and stress, 311 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:33,900 it becomes very, very valuable for the other folks in that 312 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,400 system, to be able to identify and manage for themselves. 313 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:43,200 What do you do in the presence of a stressed out person? 314 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:48,000 Because we want to be really mindful of not taking that on 315 00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,500 and then. Become stressed too. 316 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:54,700 And then we put pressure and anxiety and urgency on those 317 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:58,200 around us. Like, sometimes being the 318 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:03,400 manager, one of the most valuable roles you can do is act 319 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,000 as a little bit of a buffer. So that the stress of the folks 320 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,900 above you is not going to bleed down into your team. 321 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,500 And the thing is we don't want you to absorb it, right? 322 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:22,400 But we want you to feel The capable and prepared to redirect 323 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:26,800 or neutralize it and at the very least, that means not taking it 324 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,200 personally so that you're not absorbing it and then having 325 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,100 that as an adverse cumulative effect and one of the things 326 00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:39,300 that helps is that mindfulness because it gives you perspective 327 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,500 and that perspective gives you options. 328 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,100 So here are a couple of things to think about one is you want 329 00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,900 to turn to Or is it you want to face it? 330 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,900 Whatever the it is the thing that's causing you to be in 331 00:21:55,900 --> 00:22:00,000 stress or anxiety or the thing that you see someone else is 332 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,300 really struggling with. You want to be able to turn 333 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:09,000 towards it and face it from this place of staying really grounded 334 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,800 and really present. Then you want to name it. 335 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,400 How are you seeing this? How would you describe it? 336 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:22,100 The way that you name and describe a thing. 337 00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:29,100 Well, then inform the path. You choose to address it or 338 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:33,000 correct it or support it or fix it, right? 339 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:36,000 And this is where then once you're able to name it, this is 340 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,800 what I'm seeing. This is how I would describe it. 341 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,200 When you do that, from a place of being very Mindful and 342 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,100 grounded present with curiosity and kindness. 343 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,800 You're able to start to get a sense. 344 00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:53,000 And so what is it that we're really dealing with here and 345 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,900 once you can first described it, then you're in the position for 346 00:22:56,900 --> 00:23:02,000 this next piece which is to then be curious that Curiosity that 347 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:06,200 gives you perspective which gives you options which lets you 348 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,500 take things less personally. So it doesn't cost as much 349 00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:13,300 energetically. It's less draining and it's less 350 00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:15,900 distracting. It simply becomes 0. 351 00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:18,800 This is really interesting. It's so interesting. 352 00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:22,800 Resting that this person is choosing to say this in this 353 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,500 way. So it's really interesting that 354 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:29,000 this person seems to be struggling with this, what is it 355 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,700 that they're trying to achieve? What is the problem? 356 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:36,500 They're trying to solve for? What do I think is really going 357 00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:40,200 on here? Who should I ask about this? 358 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:45,500 Who might, I get another opinion or perspective on right? 359 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:49,200 Like once you're able to get into this place of Founded 360 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,500 curiosity. It allows you to tap into the 361 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:56,800 part of you that is really capable highly competent 362 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:02,400 flexible resilient resourceful and what's so great about that. 363 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,800 Those are the exact mindset and skills that you want to have 364 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,800 when you're dealing with a situation. 365 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:12,700 You've never dealt with before. A lot of times, I think we look 366 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:16,000 for a specific recipe, I just need the exact steps. 367 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,600 I need the recipe for how to deal with this person. 368 00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:24,300 But so much of what we addressed in the workplace with humans is 369 00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:28,200 nuanced, there are cultural considerations, there are all 370 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:33,200 kinds of contexts around the relationship, what's going on. 371 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,600 But if we can simply remember, can I be present? 372 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,300 Can I turn towards this thing that I'm noticing is a little 373 00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:42,500 bit off? Can I name it? 374 00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:44,500 How would I describe what this is? 375 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:48,700 How would I, you know, name what what is happening? 376 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,100 And then being really curious and really kind, okay? 377 00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:56,100 This is interesting. Let's take a look like what else 378 00:24:56,100 --> 00:24:59,100 could be going on here? What else could this mean? 379 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:03,700 What other options do I have? Now all of a sudden you're 380 00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:06,800 getting a little bit more Direction, a little bit more 381 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:12,700 grounded just because of the way that you're meeting the moment. 382 00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:18,000 So that is what I wanted to offer to you today and if you 383 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:23,900 want to To do this work with me, then you just go into the show 384 00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:28,400 notes, go to the calendar link, you can schedule a consult with 385 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,900 me so we can talk about it. I also have a group coming up in 386 00:25:31,900 --> 00:25:35,800 May, so go into the show notes. You'll find a link to learn more 387 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,600 about that and that is what I've got for you this week. 388 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,700 Thank you so much for listening and I will see you next time. 389 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,200 Hey, before you go. Go. 390 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,200 If you like this podcast, leave a review. 391 00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:56,100 Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? 392 00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:58,600 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.