1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,600 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome. 3 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:21,200 I'm glad you're here, and I hope you're doing well as we get 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,600 started. I want you to know. 5 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,400 I am taking new clients, so if you want to work with me 6 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,600 one-on-one, go to my website, or go into the show notes and 7 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,500 schedule time to talk with me. So we can get a sense of where 8 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:36,300 you're at, where you want to be and how I can help you to get 9 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,600 there. Now, I want to start today. 10 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:43,300 Also, with a celebration One of my clients has been making 11 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,300 incredible progress and specifically. 12 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,600 There were three things that she wanted to work on when she 13 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,500 reached out to me. Number one, she wanted to become 14 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:56,800 a more confident leader. Number two, she wanted to know 15 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,200 how to set boundaries and communicate them clearly. 16 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:05,099 And number three, she wanted to learn how to have a healthy 17 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:09,400 work-life balance and I'm really proud of her for all the work 18 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,700 that she's been doing on these. And she recently shared with me 19 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:17,700 that coaching she said, has already changed my life for the 20 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:21,700 better because of it. I had the tools and confidence 21 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:26,300 to stand up for myself and my co-workers and improve a very 22 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,800 toxic and abusive work environment. 23 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,000 This change has now allowed me to work on improving my work, 24 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,800 life balance and spend time doing things that I loved that. 25 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,600 I had stopped because of work, and I love this because I think 26 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:45,300 it also, Oh, really illustrates how connected, all the parts of 27 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:49,200 our life are, you know, for dealing with a work environment 28 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,600 that is really not good for us. Of course, work-life balance is 29 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,200 going to suffer. Of course, that might challenge 30 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,500 our confidence that might challenge our boundaries. 31 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:05,700 Like, there's so many ways that all of The Elements of Life, all 32 00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:09,800 connect, whether that's in your personal life or your work life. 33 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,900 So, I find that If you're wanting to develop your 34 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:17,800 abilities and your skills as a manager, it starts first with 35 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,000 recognizing that you are a human. 36 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,400 And being a human means, there's going to be some human stuff, 37 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:29,900 like emotions, and beliefs, and fears, and desires, and the 38 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,500 stories that you tell yourself about who you are and about how 39 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,200 the world works and how all that fits together. 40 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,800 The more you start to understand that and raise your awareness 41 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,300 around It the more effectively you can address all of the 42 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:49,600 changes with work and so, you know, whether you are a brand 43 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,000 new manager or if you've been managing people for a decade but 44 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:57,300 you've just never paused to reflect on some of these other 45 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:00,800 questions. Like that's why we're all here. 46 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,900 Like that's what this podcast is about. 47 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,300 And it's interesting to like the client. 48 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:10,300 I was telling you about just a moment ago, she's fairly new in 49 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,800 her career. And has just started managing 50 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:18,000 people like had a big project and just had her first official 51 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,700 team that she had to onboard and manage and guide. 52 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:26,700 But I also have clients who are in more senior positions and are 53 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:32,100 simply now, you know, all of the things that they were able to 54 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,700 kind of avoid working on it was like, I don't have to work on 55 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,200 the communications part or the confidence part because I can 56 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,400 just be a really powerful Powerful work horse and let the 57 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,400 work speak for itself, like, at some point. 58 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,400 I think we all realize, oh, being a really powerful 59 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:58,000 Workhorse that is not a path to a sustainable enjoyable career, 60 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,200 right? Like, yes, I value being a hard 61 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,800 worker, but I am also a strategic thinker and I don't 62 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:08,800 want to spend all of my work life doing one kind of hard 63 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,800 work. I actually want to do something 64 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,200 different. I want to do more strategic 65 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:17,600 level thinking and planning, and so that then requires that we 66 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,700 start to understand. Well, let's talk about 67 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:23,100 confidence. Let's talk about communication 68 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,600 skills. Let's talk about how to speak up 69 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,700 for yourself and that actually brings us to the main topic I 70 00:04:29,707 --> 00:04:35,200 wanted to address today. Which is speaking up, we talked 71 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,000 about this a little bit in the past, in the episode, about 72 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:42,000 advocacy feedback and boundaries because those Those are all 73 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:47,400 different situations or skills that require speaking up. 74 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:51,000 But more recently, I've really been appreciating it. 75 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:56,400 As I've seen my clients begin to find their own authentic 76 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,100 confidence, and their own kind of sense of courage. 77 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:05,200 And purpose, if you're a person who grew up with the thought of 78 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,100 speaking up, only causes trouble like the best. 79 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:14,000 To get through. This is to just like, keep your 80 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,100 head down. Work hard, don't say anything. 81 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,200 Okay. Number one, please have zero 82 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:24,500 guilt or anxiety about that. That is a very legitimate coping 83 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,300 strategy. And depending on the environment 84 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,500 that you are in, whether that was your home, or your school, 85 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:35,400 or your town, or whatever, whatever you define that as that 86 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:40,500 skill of being able to decide, I am not going to speak up. 87 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,800 That would not be a good choice for me right now. 88 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,800 That is legitimate like that is a coping strategy. 89 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,500 That is a survival strategy that has served you. 90 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:53,100 Well, but we come to a place where we realize, I want some 91 00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:56,600 more options. What if I do want to speak up? 92 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:02,300 How can I get out of my own way? How can I overcome the fear? 93 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,400 The worry? And the things that my clients 94 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,900 tell me, it's the fear of, well, how can I speak up? 95 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,100 What if I'm wrong? I don't know. 96 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:15,100 That I have perfect information and I don't know if it's worth 97 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:18,000 it to say something until I have all my ducks in a row. 98 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:21,200 So, that's one. The other is, what will people 99 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,600 think we'll this somehow reflect badly. 100 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:31,400 Will people retaliate either, officially or subtly, you know, 101 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,900 will there be some kind of bad consequence? 102 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,700 Well, something bad happen if I speak up. 103 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,800 Sometimes it's simply the fear of Confrontation, if I I speak 104 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,100 up, they will be uncomfortable. I will be uncomfortable, it will 105 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,500 be awkward. It will be difficult. 106 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:52,500 I just want to avoid that because it feels so terrible. 107 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,300 So it becomes really interesting when we start to question, okay? 108 00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:02,100 Like, why are you not speaking up, and what specific situations 109 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:06,300 are, you noticing? This is happening and what is 110 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:12,600 the alternative if you were to speak up and say, Thing, what 111 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:18,000 would be the reason why, what would be the purpose behind it? 112 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,900 And one of the ways we can get over, our fear is, when we 113 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:28,100 connect to our sense of purpose, to our sense of why this 114 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:32,200 matters, even though I feel nervous, even though I'm scared, 115 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,400 I might do a wrong. Even though I am worried that 116 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,400 they might think something bad about me if I speak up. 117 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:45,500 If we know why it matters this matters so much. 118 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:51,000 It matters more that I speak up. Then I keep my silence in this 119 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,800 situation and part of what you develop to through the course of 120 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,600 your career, is you begin to develop the skill of 121 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,200 discernment. And this goes into both, you 122 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:08,300 know how your judgment comes into play, which is directly 123 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,900 related to the way that you're thinking too. 124 00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:15,900 Strategic thinking, how can I best address this? 125 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:20,800 What would be the purpose of speaking up and sometimes 126 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,600 actually let me give you a specific example. 127 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:28,200 So a year or two ago, I was working with a company and we 128 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:33,400 had a meeting set up with a vendor, a potential vendor, and 129 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:37,500 the vendor was in education company and they had were 130 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,500 affiliated with a big well-known University. 131 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,400 And we were considering partnering with them to bring in 132 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,600 some of their content to some of the employees. 133 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:52,900 And one of the things I noticed was there was very little 134 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:57,400 diversity in their teaching faculty and staff that the 135 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,900 people who are teaching and in this expert position, they kind 136 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:05,500 of all looked the same and I know that for the company that I 137 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,900 was in. We have a very diverse and a 138 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:13,900 very Global employee base. So one of my concerns was, you 139 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:20,100 know, I don't know how resonant, how effective it will be to have 140 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:26,100 such a, to have a teaching staff and faculty that really doesn't 141 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:30,000 appear to reflect kind of who we are, as a company and the 142 00:09:30,008 --> 00:09:35,400 diversity of experience. And, you know, like just the 143 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,400 global presence that we had within our employee base. 144 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:44,600 And when we add this meeting with a vendor, I felt a little 145 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,600 uncomfortable as I was thinking in my mind. 146 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,600 I kind of want to say something about this. 147 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,800 I know that the vendor probably can't change anything because, 148 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,900 you know, they're teaching staff is whoever they are they 149 00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:01,900 probably won't change it just because I say something about it 150 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,700 but what I decided in that moment was I thought, you know, 151 00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:10,900 I think this is worth it. It's worth the discomfort even 152 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,800 They probably can't change anything. 153 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,600 Because what I want to do is I number one, I want to give a 154 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:24,300 voice to a gap that I see if we're considering hiring them to 155 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,500 be of service to our employees. And yet, I'm sensing, there 156 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:33,300 could be a gap between, you know, who our employees are and 157 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,800 who the teaching staff is. I want a name that and I also 158 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,800 want to be willing to stand as a row. 159 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:45,100 Role model for the other people that were in that meeting to 160 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:49,900 Simply name, the issue raised, the concern, give voice to it. 161 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:55,500 And not from a place of, you know, feeling like the, the 162 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:59,500 service provider was, you know, not good enough. 163 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,700 But just saying, hey, you know, one thing I'm noticing is this, 164 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:07,200 and I simply have some concerns because of X, Y, and Z, and 165 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,700 sometimes, when we speak up, especially when we're doing it 166 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,900 on. Half of others, when we 167 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:17,100 understand, you know, the ultimate picture here is I 168 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:22,100 really simply want to stand by the values that we say that, we 169 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:26,700 hold as an organization and I see something, I don't know if 170 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,200 other people see it. So I will give a voice to it. 171 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,400 That's an example of speaking up, not because you need other 172 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,200 people to change things, but because you simply want to 173 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,500 direct some attention, Ian to something of value. 174 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:47,300 And I think this is one of the reasons why, like, it's actually 175 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:52,600 very interesting and it can also sometimes very feel scary. 176 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,700 If you are a bit like an underrepresented person along, 177 00:11:56,700 --> 00:12:01,500 any identity, access in your organization and that includes, 178 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:05,100 you know, whether you're a parent or not working with 179 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,800 people who are parents, that includes your gender, your race, 180 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,700 your ethnic background, Around you know, where if you grew up 181 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:18,500 in the country or in the city if you are multilingual like 182 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:23,800 there's so many different dimensions across which we 183 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:28,600 experience a sense of identity and either connection or sense 184 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,600 of disconnection belonging or questioning if we belong. 185 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,900 And what that means though, is that the lens that you look 186 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,700 through that is informed by your lived. 187 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:48,900 Perience as a human just because of who you are, you bring value? 188 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:54,700 By the way, you see things, you might see things that somebody 189 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:59,600 else doesn't see at all because that just hasn't been their 190 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,700 experience so they don't they don't see it. 191 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,700 I'm also just remembering there was this happens, a lot in 192 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,600 advertising. I feel like we hear these 193 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:11,200 stories or an ad comes out and everyone says, they really Put 194 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,800 that out there like did they not know that that was like the 195 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,600 terrible or not? Realistic. 196 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,900 And I'm thinking specifically there, I guess there was an ad 197 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,700 in the last. I don't know, maybe the last six 198 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,200 months or so I don't even remember what the company was. 199 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,800 But it was for some kind of audio equipment like earbuds. 200 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,000 And they had this ad where there was a woman who put on her head 201 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,900 set and went running at night in the like in the place where she 202 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,800 lived and everyone was saying You must not have Have any women 203 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,300 on your campaign team? Because, you know, a woman 204 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:49,800 running alone at night with headphones on like, no way way 205 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,100 too dangerous. You need to be aware of your 206 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:56,300 surroundings all the time and it just really highlighted like, 207 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,300 oh, right. If they haven't had that 208 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,900 experience, it might not have occurred to them. 209 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,900 That that was a thing. So, coming back to this topic of 210 00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:09,000 speaking up, remembering that you bring value because of who 211 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,100 you are the lived. Once you've had in the world 212 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,700 means that you will see things that other people might not see. 213 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:22,900 And, So speaking up can be important simply to give voice 214 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:27,000 to something, you see that other people may not see, and when you 215 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,700 give voice to it, then they can see it too. 216 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:33,600 And then we can decide what we want to do with that. 217 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,700 Now, the other thing of course, when you speak up, it actually 218 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,400 makes it possible for amazing things to happen to you. 219 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,500 Like, When you speak up and you say, well, I really want to get 220 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,200 promoted. What is the path towards getting 221 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,700 there, or who I really am interested in what's happening 222 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:54,000 on that side of the business. How can I learn more about that 223 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,000 side of the business as you speak up? 224 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,100 It makes it easier for other people to know what you're 225 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,200 interested in, what your ambition is, what your 226 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:09,400 trajectory is, what you want to be growing towards like what 227 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,100 your growth Edge is. It lets people know what you're 228 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:16,000 interested in, which makes it easier for them to line you up 229 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,900 with some of those opportunities that you might not know about. 230 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,300 So speaking up, you know, makes it easier for wonderful things 231 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,500 to happen for you. Now sometimes you will speak up 232 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,100 and nothing will happen and it will feel very frustrating, 233 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,800 you'll think, but hey, I spoke up. 234 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,300 I said the thing, why is nothing changing? 235 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,400 But you know what? You just learned is you learned 236 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,100 something. Being more about where you work, 237 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:46,100 you might have had this idea that well you know I don't speak 238 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:51,000 up so you know I guess nothing can change and then when you do 239 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,600 speak up, if nothing continues to change. 240 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:59,100 I think you follow me. Nothing happens, you think? 241 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,400 But I spoke up. Why is nothing happening? 242 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:05,600 Well, what has happened is you have gained more courage. 243 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,800 You are exercising a new skill and you are learning something 244 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,800 about where you work. And then you To ask yourself, 245 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:15,200 how do I feel about that? Do I want to continue to stay or 246 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,500 working at this place? Where when I speak up and I, you 247 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:22,400 know, talk about getting a promotion or I talked about, we 248 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,100 say, our values are this. And yet our business practices 249 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,600 are that how do those things go together? 250 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,400 I really want to understand like if nothing changes. 251 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,900 You've now learned something about the environment that you 252 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:37,600 work in that maybe you didn't see clearly before. 253 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:42,200 And what's amazing is that you start to also, Bring the sense 254 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,900 of confidence and the sense of you know, people talk about 255 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:50,200 executive presence, it's kind of a weird topic but the way I've 256 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,600 best found to understand it and to explain and teach it. 257 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:58,300 It's what happens when you feel on the inside of yourself like 258 00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,800 you're a worthy person with important perspectives and 259 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,099 valuable contributions and you're here to take up space, 260 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,400 you don't have to take a, you know, like an aggressive amount 261 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,800 of space but just you want to show up Your full-size, you're 262 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:17,700 not making yourself smaller because you're feeling small, 263 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,300 like, you're just showing up full-sized and you're feeling 264 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,500 really comfortable with that and then people say, oh, executive 265 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:27,400 presence. So that's gonna be a whole other 266 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,100 episode, a whole other topic. So here's what I want to start 267 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:34,800 to leave you with when you think about speaking up, there are 268 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,200 three things to consider number one. 269 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:41,200 What do you want to say that? Can be literally the Words, what 270 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,800 are the words I want to say? How do I, what do I want to say? 271 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,100 Like what are the words? What do I want to say? 272 00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:50,600 And then number two, it's how you say it, how will I say this? 273 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:55,400 That means both the emotion that energy, the body language. 274 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,400 How do you feel on the inside of yourself? 275 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,000 When you say it, do you want to say it just to one person or? 276 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,600 Is this something that you want to say that, the All Hands are 277 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,400 in a group setting? The, how, how are you going to 278 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,900 say it? And then, the third part is, All 279 00:18:10,908 --> 00:18:14,300 of your thoughts and feelings about what's going to happen. 280 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,900 So, before you say anything, you already have a very active story 281 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,900 in your mind about what will happen. 282 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:28,900 If you say something and very often, we go into a catastrophe. 283 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,300 We imagine all of the terrible things that will happen or we go 284 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,700 into. Well, nothing will happen. 285 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:39,200 So, we go into Despair. And when we think about the 286 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,600 despair, we think about the context. ' we tend to just back 287 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,800 away and hold ourselves in silence. 288 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,300 So we want to get some clarity about. 289 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,500 Well what are all your thoughts about the reaction about what 290 00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:57,800 might happen and then we can start to untangle what of those 291 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,500 fears can we plan to address? One of those? 292 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:05,300 Fears are actually not that important and we can also look 293 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:10,100 at what's the benefit or the payoff, what will this enable to 294 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,900 happen? Right? 295 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,500 Like we just want to explore it a little bit more fully. 296 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:19,000 So when you start speaking up on my gosh, I'll just share to like 297 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,400 so many things can happen. You can heal relationships. 298 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,900 One of my clients says, you know, now that I am speaking up, 299 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,100 she says I am healing intergenerational trauma in my 300 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,400 family line, because I come from a family where the women don't 301 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,800 speak up. We just suck it up, we bear it. 302 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,800 And, you know, we carry this burden and she said, recently, 303 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,500 she just realized I like when I speak up about my boundaries, 304 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:46,900 when I speak up about what I want, when I speak up when 305 00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:50,200 things just don't feel right? She said I am healing 306 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,300 intergenerational trauma in my family, it stops with me and it 307 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:57,200 just it was like oh my God. Yes. 308 00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:01,200 Like that's what we do when we speak up regardless of what 309 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:06,600 happens on the other side, it also allows you to invite people 310 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,700 to connect with you. It invites a greater 311 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:13,200 collaboration. It in Great invites more trust, 312 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:18,000 it invites more transparency, it really is like opening a door to 313 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,100 so much possibility because you're now giving yourself 314 00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,800 permission to get out of your own way. 315 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:29,100 Take up a bit more space, say something. 316 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,900 And then like step into that world. 317 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:36,600 The world were, you are the person who speaks up. 318 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,000 So, thank you so much for listening. 319 00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,200 I am so glad that you're here. Here. 320 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,700 I hope you take something from this podcast, use it in a 321 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:51,100 powerful and compassionate way in your own life and I will talk 322 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:59,700 to you next time. Hey before you go if you like 323 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:02,100 this podcast, please leave a review. 324 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:06,000 Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? 325 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,500 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.