1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,300 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome. 3 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:20,800 I'm glad that you're here. I hope you're doing well and I 4 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,100 wanted to start today by sharing a little story. 5 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:28,900 I was talking with one of my clients and she said to me, you 6 00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:33,400 know, as I'm thinking about stepping up into a higher level 7 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,100 leadership role and managing people. 8 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,500 I have this idea that maybe a lot of managing people is about 9 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:44,700 dealing with a lot. The motions and I kind of 10 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:47,800 laughed because I thought, yeah, that's very well. 11 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:52,500 Put a lot of managing. People means that you're dealing 12 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,600 with more emotions, your own emotions. 13 00:00:55,900 --> 00:01:00,100 The emotions of the people that are on your team, the emotions 14 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:04,300 of your managers and the higher-level people that you now 15 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:09,400 have perspective on the emotions of cross-functional teams and 16 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,700 what they want from your Team and when so I thought it was 17 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:17,600 beautifully put and wanted to share it with you and it 18 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,400 reminded me to that, okay? Actually, let me pause, let me 19 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,300 back up a little bit. So this is the new manager 20 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:27,000 podcast. I started this podcast for my 21 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:32,600 students back in 2017 when I first started teaching this new 22 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,900 manager class and I wanted to provide like, an audio library 23 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:41,200 at resources for continuous learning for my students. 24 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,000 And so you might think that because I'm the host of the new 25 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,600 manager podcast, and because I'm a coach, you might think that, I 26 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,400 only coach people around management and Leadership and 27 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,300 that's actually not true. I am a general life coach. 28 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,900 And what that means is, I could to my clients on all the things 29 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,400 and the clients who come to me for leadership coaching, we 30 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:09,500 always get into life stuff because who you are as a person 31 00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:13,400 including your Past your experience. 32 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,100 Now, in the present with your current life, all of that 33 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,200 influences, the decisions you make as a leader. 34 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:25,100 And the way that you think about leadership and the decisions and 35 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:28,200 the choices that you make, when you're faced with problems 36 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:31,700 opportunities, all of the normal stuff at work. 37 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,300 And I will also tell you that the people who come to me for 38 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,400 straight life coaching, you know, they say, I'm at a place 39 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,000 in my life where I want someone To professionally, help me 40 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,500 navigate through all the things, we always end up talking about 41 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:51,700 work because our work is such a big part of our life, not just 42 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:57,100 in terms of how much time in the day or in the week that you 43 00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:02,400 spend in work but also our internal sense of identity. 44 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,600 Oh my gosh, sometimes our sense of who we are and how we are 45 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:13,300 valued is so wrapped up. In our work experience, our 46 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:17,400 sense of confidence, our sense of belief, in what is possible 47 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,100 for us. All of that connects with our 48 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,300 work. And so in the coaching that I 49 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:31,900 do, I'm always welcoming all of the things work personal like, I 50 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,100 don't really see them as that distinct. 51 00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:39,200 I think of work as the venue in your life. 52 00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:42,700 Were you human with other humans? 53 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,800 It's simply a venue. It's simply a place that you 54 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,900 live and, you know, you have thoughts about that and you have 55 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:54,200 dreams about that. And you've got probably some 56 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,800 past pain and scars from bad experiences you've had. 57 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,000 And you know, it like it all is connected. 58 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:06,200 And so I share that because I was thinking today, with all of 59 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:12,300 the clients that I work with, what is The real heart of the 60 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:18,200 work that we do together and honestly, it's about identifying 61 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,899 the real problem. And what I mean by that is I 62 00:04:21,899 --> 00:04:24,700 might have a client come to me and say, okay I'm having some 63 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:29,600 problems with this person on my team and they have a story about 64 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,400 what is going wrong and why it's difficult and why it's a problem 65 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:37,600 and the initial thought might be this person on my team is a 66 00:04:37,608 --> 00:04:40,400 problem. But what Happens, is that we 67 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,000 investigate that let's explore the story. 68 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:48,000 Let's understand more about, you know, what's going on and why 69 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,400 what makes it problematic and what's happening here? 70 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,000 And sometimes what ends up happening is we discover. 71 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:57,900 Well, the real problem in this situation is that you have a 72 00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:01,900 really hard time setting boundaries or that you have a 73 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:06,400 really hard time, letting go of control because you're afraid 74 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,300 that they'll do it wrong or that you have a really hard. time 75 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:15,600 being clear and direct or that right now, the actual real 76 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,400 problem is that you're struggling with your childcare 77 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:24,500 situation and so you're feeling really distracted, you're 78 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:29,500 feeling guilt about being a bad parent, and as a result, there's 79 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:35,900 just less energy available to manage this person effectively 80 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:42,600 and if we solve for the Guilt and help you find a solution to 81 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,300 the childcare issue and how you're thinking about that. 82 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:53,300 Then you actually show up at work so much more calm so much 83 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:58,600 more clear so much more confident in your ability to be 84 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,700 clear and direct and to communicate effectively with 85 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,500 this other person. And then that changes 86 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:07,900 everything. Sometimes the actual problem is 87 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:12,100 some kind of Issue. So you might be thinking all 88 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,100 this person at work, they're such a problem. 89 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:18,500 They're not they're not doing this correctly and as we explore 90 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:22,100 and start to understand what's happening and why, and like, 91 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,100 where's this coming from and what is it? 92 00:06:24,108 --> 00:06:27,200 That makes this problematic? What you might discover is the 93 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,900 issue is not the person, but actually the process and the 94 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:36,000 systems that are happening around that person. 95 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,500 So maybe there is some kind of Gap in on. 96 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,100 Boarding and they're not getting the information they need when 97 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:46,500 they need it. And so they, you know, do this 98 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:50,100 thing and it turns out badly. But when we understand, what is 99 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:53,600 the real problem, we need to solve for a couple things 100 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,900 happen. Number one, there's usually a 101 00:06:55,900 --> 00:07:00,600 sense of relief like the pressure that you're feeling to 102 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:04,900 solve for this starts to lift because you realize, oh, I 103 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:08,400 hadn't looked at it that way. And now that I'm looking at it 104 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:13,300 in this different way, Can see a path forward so it's that it 105 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:17,700 starts to feel easier. You see that more as possible, 106 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:22,000 you stop blaming either. You stop blaming yourself or you 107 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:27,300 stop blaming somebody else but I found it's fascinating that any 108 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:31,200 kind of blame, whether you're blaming somebody else, or 109 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,500 whether you're blaming yourself either direction, it is 110 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:40,000 exhausting. It takes so much energy, It 111 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:45,200 takes your time. And as a side note, this is why 112 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,800 venting it feels good in the moment. 113 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,400 But then it just feels draining again, because if you're only 114 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:58,400 venting, your simply adding energy to The Story, You're 115 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:03,900 making the problem, feel bigger, and more Vivid and more clear, 116 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,600 but it doesn't provide you with a path forward. 117 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:14,000 And so Can end up just, you know, leaving you more stuck 118 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:19,000 without any idea of what to do differently or how to approach 119 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,800 this differently. So in coaching and I talked 120 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,900 about this a bit last episode, right? 121 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,900 Like part of the work is, let's understand what's really going 122 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,300 on with you and the situation you're facing. 123 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:34,900 How can we look at this in a way that provides more clarity and 124 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:38,500 that path forward. So it's not just venting and 125 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:43,100 adding To the story. Another example of why it's 126 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,200 important to identify the problem. 127 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,700 And when you are in a leadership role, this can also get tricky 128 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:55,200 because there will be plenty of people who agree with you. 129 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,400 When you say, I have this problem on my team and this one 130 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,800 person is just really underperforming. 131 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:07,300 And if you're only looking at it through that one lens, then you 132 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:12,000 are going to miss all. All the other possible solutions 133 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,100 available to you. Another way to say, this is the 134 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:20,200 way you define, the problem will Define the solutions that are 135 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,100 available. And when you start to look at it 136 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:28,900 through a few different angles, when you begin to ask, what else 137 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:33,300 could be going on here? What is this really about that? 138 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:39,400 Opens up possibility, it creates new ideas and new Solutions. 139 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:42,700 Oceans and that changes everything. 140 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:48,000 Because when you learn how to do that, then you know that any 141 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,700 challenge or any problem you face in the outside world, you 142 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:58,700 have the preparation inside of you, you have the tools, the 143 00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:04,400 ideas, the perspectives inside, you have the resources to 144 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:08,600 address anything, even the problems you haven't even 145 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:13,500 thought of yet. When you know to ask, how else 146 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,800 can I look at this? What is the real problem here? 147 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:21,500 I was chatting with a friend and they were telling me how they 148 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,500 had really struggled with their manager, and had felt really 149 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:27,000 bad, like they weren't doing a good enough job. 150 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,100 They were frustrated that their manager didn't recognize their 151 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:33,200 strengths and it just felt stuck. 152 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,700 Like the manager wasn't changing and my friend couldn't figure 153 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,400 out what to do to change and then then my friend talk to a 154 00:10:40,408 --> 00:10:43,200 coach and the coach said you need to get a new manager. 155 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:48,200 Let's solve this. The problem is not, you know, 156 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,200 what the manager is doing. The problem is, why are you 157 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:56,100 staying with a manager that doesn't recognize your strengths 158 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:01,400 and isn't able to support you? And it was so amazing seeing my 159 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,300 friends expression change and she just lit up and she said, of 160 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,600 course, that's what I need to do. 161 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,200 I need to find a new manager. And she ended up staying in the 162 00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:13,900 same company, but finding a different position in a 163 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:17,700 different manager and that little mindset change. 164 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,600 I thought that is exactly it and I'm so glad she had someone to 165 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:27,700 help her to see that clearly because often we're so convinced 166 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:33,300 of what we know and what we see that we stop looking, we stopped 167 00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:37,700 looking for other possibilities. We stopped looking at other 168 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:41,100 angles different way. Is it looking at our problem? 169 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:46,600 Because we become so attached to our story, about what the 170 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,700 problem is. And when you realize, okay, I 171 00:11:50,708 --> 00:11:55,500 can look at this differently, then maybe the real issue is 172 00:11:55,900 --> 00:12:00,100 your sense of confidence, your idea about what's possible. 173 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:04,000 Maybe it's about a fear of asking for something and feeling 174 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,600 like, you can't. And I like to think about this 175 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,400 sometimes as like, every Problem has an outside part and an 176 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,200 inside part. So if you're driving and there's 177 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,200 traffic and you're going to be late. 178 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:22,900 The outside part of this problem is that there is traffic and so 179 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:26,600 you're not able to drive as fast as you thought you could, and 180 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,800 you're looking at the clock and you're realizing I'm going to be 181 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,600 late for this appointment, that's the outside problem. 182 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:37,600 The inside part of the problem is what you decide to do about 183 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:42,800 it and how it makes you feel. ER, so if you start thinking 184 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:47,000 really angry thoughts about everybody else, that is an 185 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,200 inside problem. That is like the inside part of 186 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,800 that, you losing your temper and feeling angry. 187 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:57,800 That is about what you're thinking about yourself and 188 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,800 about these other people that's an inside problem, because you 189 00:13:00,808 --> 00:13:04,300 could also be in that same situation. 190 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,100 And on the inside, you could think of, oh, all right, so 191 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:11,300 maybe there's an accident. Or something, you know there's 192 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,800 just a lot of people on the road right now and I hadn't accounted 193 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,900 for that. So here's what I'm going to do. 194 00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:20,700 Instead I'll simply you know call and let them know that I'm 195 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:26,100 running late or I will simply enjoy listening to the rest of 196 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:30,100 this podcast instead of knowing they'll have to cut it off the 197 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,600 way that you decide to think about it and feel about it. 198 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:38,300 That is the part that you get to have so much more control over 199 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,800 if That you think, oh, what's wrong with me? 200 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,100 Why didn't I check the traffic before I left? 201 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,900 I always do this. Why can't I figure this out? 202 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:55,300 If you go to beat up on yourself and turn a very unkind, look to 203 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,200 yourself. Number one, realize that is 204 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:03,500 optional, that is not a required perspective and number to 205 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,800 realize you can change that if you want to. 206 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,900 And this is what I love great because If you can learn to 207 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,200 distinguish between the outside part of the problem and the 208 00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:19,300 inside part of the problem, you always know how to work with 209 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:26,000 your internal resources, how to look to your own thinking, your 210 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,300 own emotions, your own perspective. 211 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,000 When you start to identify, what's the real problem? 212 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:39,400 Here, things change in the most incredible way. 213 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:45,100 Is so that is what I wanted to leave you with and maybe 214 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,400 actually this final note to you, here's a way to apply this in 215 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,100 your own life. Be really honest with yourself 216 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,800 whenever you're facing a problem, give yourself 217 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,900 permission like, if you like to journal, write it all down, but 218 00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:05,100 right out the story of what the problem is, and be as honest and 219 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:08,200 judgmental and unkind as you want. 220 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,300 You just Want to be truthful about how you're seeing things 221 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:16,300 in this moment. Then once you get that story out 222 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:20,700 of you, where you can see it on paper, then take a step back and 223 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:25,100 ask yourself. What's the real problem here? 224 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,500 I'll give you a short example. Last year. 225 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:32,900 I was working on a project and I had to request from somebody 226 00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:38,000 else, in the organization, their approval for this, you know, 227 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,300 thing that I wanted to do in the project. 228 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:46,100 Act and I requested it and they said, no, I was so angry, I was 229 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:51,400 so frustrated. And I had to slow down for a 230 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,600 moment and I wrote down. Okay, what do I really think 231 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,500 about this person? And I wrote down their being 232 00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:00,200 difficult, they're short-sighted, they don't 233 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:04,100 understand, you know, they don't value me. 234 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:08,000 They don't value this project. I wrote down all of the things 235 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,400 about them. I was projecting onto them and 236 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,000 it felt really good at the in the moment that was kind of the 237 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,600 venting part. I'm going to be really honest 238 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:20,100 about all the thoughts. I have about this person and you 239 00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:23,800 know, they are the problem they should have said, yes to my 240 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,600 request. I was very thoughtful in my 241 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,400 request. I told them exactly what they 242 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,600 needed and they still declined to approve it. 243 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:36,400 You know how dare they like there's there. 244 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,300 I was really, I just want to be honest with you. 245 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,900 Like it was not my best moment, but I wrote that all down and 246 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:48,000 then I took a step back and I asked myself, okay, so Kim, 247 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:54,300 what's the real problem here? And when I asked myself, that 248 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,400 question, and I looked at everything, I wrote what I 249 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:05,800 realized was the problem was I thought they should have said, 250 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:11,300 yes, if I go to this trouble, To prepare a very thoughtful 251 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:16,700 proposal and I put it forward to them in what I thought was the 252 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:23,900 right way, then they should approve of my request and I 253 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,700 should get my way like that was it. 254 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,900 My inner thought was the problem is I should get my way because I 255 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:35,200 did it, right? And once I saw that all the 256 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:41,000 anger dissipated all the frustration Like in my body, it 257 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,000 felt like there was a tight Fist. 258 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,900 And I was just feeling so angry about this person and all of a 259 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:52,900 sudden, I felt this relief and just a softening through my 260 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:57,800 shoulders and my neck. And I thought, oh, that's why 261 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:03,600 I'm mad is because I want to get my way like it's very simple, 262 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:08,000 and I feel very Justified that I should get my way. 263 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:12,700 Because in my mind I did everything right and I think 264 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:17,200 this is a real blind spot for a lot of us. 265 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:23,500 Who are good at school, who are good at, you know, like 266 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,800 following the rules in order to get the outcome that we want 267 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:31,200 because we have such an attachment to an idea about how 268 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:35,200 things are supposed to go. And then when someone else does 269 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,400 something that we're not expecting that feels like a 270 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,800 Personal attack or like, we've been personally, let down. 271 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,700 And that things are all all of a sudden. 272 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:47,500 Now, everything is wrong and this other person is messing up. 273 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:52,300 I wouldn't have been able to see that at the outset it really 274 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:57,400 required me slowing down, writing out all the real reasons 275 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,900 why I thought this was a problem and why was angry so that I 276 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:07,100 could then see oh this is what's happening and I realized oh yeah 277 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,400 that's actually not how Things happen. 278 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,200 That's not the way the world works. 279 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:15,400 There could be so many reasons that this person denied. 280 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:19,600 My request that actually has nothing to do with me and I'm 281 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,300 taking it really personally and I share this because we do this 282 00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:27,800 all the time and often we don't even realize it because it seems 283 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,000 so true. It's really hard to see that for 284 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,200 ourselves in the moment. And that's also why when my 285 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:40,000 client initially mentioned to me Well, I think managing people is 286 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,000 a lot about dealing with emotions. 287 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,700 I kind of smiled and laughed because the answer is. 288 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:49,600 Yes. Humans are emotional creatures 289 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,600 and the more that you can work with and understand what's 290 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:58,800 behind your emotions and the thinking that is driving those 291 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,500 emotions, and those actions, and those choices, the better 292 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:08,100 prepared, you are to deal with, whatever comes your way. 293 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,700 So that's what I wanted to share with you today. 294 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,700 Thank you so much for listening and I will see you next time. 295 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,900 When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your 296 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,100 life. And when you're happier in your 297 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:25,300 life you're more effective at work. 298 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:30,600 I can help go to my website. Kim nickel.com and sign up for a 299 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,500 coaching consult, it can get better.