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Welcome to the new Manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here, and I hope
you're doing well. 

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I wanted to start today's 
episode by reading a little bit 

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from this book I mentioned a 
while back. 

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The book is called Dignity, the 
Essential role It Plays in 

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Resolving Conflict. 
It's written by Donna Hicks, who

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has had a very fascinating 
career in international conflict

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resolution. 
She wrote this book some years 

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ago. 
I stumbled upon it. 

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I found some incredible passages
that are really useful for 

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thinking about a lot of the 
situations we face in the 

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workplace every day. 
She also has a book that's been 

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published more recently about 
dignity and leadership, but I 

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haven't read that book yet, so I
believe it's really good. 

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It is on my to read list, but 
we're doing one thing at a time 

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here, and I had posted about 
this book on LinkedIn not too 

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long ago, and I received so many
comments about it. 

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There are so many fans of Doctor
Hicks and of her work and so 

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many people from so many parts, 
you know, of the world and so 

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many different industries. 
And it really seemed to strike a

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chord. 
It really felt like, oh, this is

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something really powerful and 
really useful that many people 

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are already putting into 
practice. 

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And I feel like I just arrived 
at this party and I'm still kind

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of new looking around and 
realizing, oh, this is really 

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great. 
And because I had such a an 

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incredible response on even just
like my simple post about it, I 

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wanted to come back today with a
little bit more from that book. 

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And also, you know, to welcome 
you, if this is how you found my

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show was was from that post on 
LinkedIn. 

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Is there something else that I 
found I wanted to share? 

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And what's interesting is that 
this comes from the very 

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beginning, like from the 
introduction of this book, just 

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to give you a sense of how much 
it has to offer. 

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This comes like before you get 
even even into Chapter 1. 

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It's a few words from the 
preface and then from the 

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introduction. 
So here is what Doctor Hicks 

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writes. 
She asks a couple of questions. 

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What would it look like if our 
inherent dignity were recognized

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on a daily basis? 
What about the way we treat one 

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another in everyday 
interactions? 

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What about the psychological 
ways in which people experience 

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wounds to their dignity? 
What about being excluded, 

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misunderstood, treated unfairly 
dismissed, or judged as inferior

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on the basis of an aspect of 
their identity that they could 

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do nothing about? 
And then she goes on to say, 

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what is the dignity model? 
It's an approach I developed to 

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help people understand the role 
that dignity plays in their 

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lives and relationships. 
And in the end, the message of 

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the model is quite simple. 
Demonstrate the care and 

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attention for yourself and 
others that anything of value 

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deserves. 
That is the first and only 

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imperative. 
Don't miss an opportunity to 

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exert the power you have to 
remind others of who they are. 

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Invaluable, priceless, and 
irreplaceable. 

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Remind yourself to dignity is a 
birthright. 

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And then she goes on to talk 
about how how she's seen it in 

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her work. 
Like what it means the sense 

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that we must treat others as if 
they matters, as if they are 

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worthy of attention and care. 
And what I really appreciate is 

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that I feel she really speaks to
something that feels so core to 

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the human experience, something 
that is resonant and relatable 

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no matter what industry you're 
in, no matter where you grew up.

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It's something that I think is 
very recognizable for all 

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humans. 
And so when I think about what 

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it means to be a manager, what 
it means to step into a 

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leadership role, this lens of 
dignity, both how do you treat 

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others, how do you treat 
yourself? 

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I think remembering that piece 
of it can become very important,

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especially if you are either 
facing some kind of active 

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conflict or friction in the 
workplace, in relationships, or 

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if you fear it. 
And with a lot of the people 

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that I work with, there's often 
a fear of, it's almost like 

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ending up being over cautious. 
I'm afraid to have this 

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conversation because I'm afraid 
of how this other person will 

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react. 
I'm afraid to address this 

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directly because of how it will 
seem. 

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Will it reflect badly on me? 
And this shows up whether you're

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thinking about managing up and 
how you communicate to your 

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manager or whether you're 
thinking about your colleagues. 

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Maybe there's another director 
and the two of you are having 

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some conflict and it's affecting
your teams. 

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And even though you're trying to
protect them from it, maybe some

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of that conflict starts to 
radiate outward anyways. 

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Or maybe the fear around the 
conflict is about how you will 

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need to communicate to someone 
on your team, either telling 

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them something that they will be
disappointed by. 

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Like maybe they think they are 
ready for a promotion and you 

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don't see it that way. 
Or maybe it's something that 

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you're expecting pushback or 
resistance or anger about. 

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Maybe they think they've been 
performing at a really high 

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level that you see things 
differently and are 

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uncomfortable about how to 
approach that conversation. 

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So if you have any kind of 
discomfort around conflict, 

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which is so normal, by the way, 
like I think that's, you know, a

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very common thing to feel, then 
I want you to to realize that 

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there are ways to think about 
relationships, ways to think 

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about conflict and ways to think
about this lens of dignity, this

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model of dignity. 
And how when you connect with 

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that, when you ask yourself the 
question, what does it look like

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to treat others with dignity? 
What does that mean? 

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What does that look like in the 
workplace when you think about 

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treating yourself with dignity? 
What does that look like? 

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It starts to open up a different
way of thinking and a different 

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way of finding a path forward 
that can still really, you know,

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kind of honor the variety that 
you'll find in the workforce. 

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Like one of the things that can 
sometimes come as a shock is to 

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realize, oh, not everyone is 
like me. 

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You know, if I only managed 
people who were like me, it 

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would be so easy because I 
wouldn't have to explain things.

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They would just understand. 
And we'd just get along and I'd 

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know how to motivate them. 
And realizing, you know what, 

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all of these people that I work 
with, we're all a little bit 

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different. 
There are some, you know, 

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perhaps core values that might 
be the same. 

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But you know what? 
The way that we like to work 

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might vary the way that we are 
motivated. 

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That might change quite a lot 
from person to person depending 

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on where they are in their life 
stage and what's happening in 

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their life outside of work. 
And so realizing that when you 

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are a manager, you're now 
working with a variety of 

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people, a variety of 
personalities and priorities and

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learning how to be effective at 
getting people to work together 

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and helping the ones who are 
perhaps, you know, kind of 

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drifting off and the performance
is not where it needs to be. 

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Working with the ones who are 
really high performers and maybe

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they're itchy for the next 
opportunity. 

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Learning how to work with all of
this variety, all of these 

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different people, becomes 
something like that. 

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It becomes very prominent in 
your field of view. 

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This is also why so much of the 
work that you Start learning to 

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do and so many of the skills 
that you start to very 

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specifically develop and hone 
fall under that umbrella 

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category of soft skills, of 
relational skills, of things 

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like communication and executive
presence and influence. 

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All of these qualities and 
skills that are necessary when 

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we are creating effective 
working relationships with lots 

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of other people and I will add, 
under often less than ideal 

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conditions. 
So that means that there will be

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things that happen that are not 
how you'd like things to be. 

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Maybe it's about the available 
budget, the available timeline 

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or other things that are 
happening in the world, in 

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people's individual worlds, in 
their personal lives, but also 

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in the bigger, wider world. 
There will always be things 

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happening that you know you 
hadn't planned for, and yet you 

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still have to figure out how to 
find a way to effectively manage

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and lead these people. 
It's not always easy, so don't 

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be too hard on yourself. 
You know, like nobody just wakes

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up knowing how to do this. 
Everyone is learning as they're 

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going and with a few different 
tools. 

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And I think, you know, some 
support and that mindset of 

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being ready to learn and 
implement some of these new 

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ideas, that is exactly what will
help you along the way. 

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So be gentle with yourself and 
maybe take some of these 

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questions with you as you go 
through the week. 

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What would it look like to 
acknowledge or to have in mind 

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the dignity of others, even the 
dignity of yourself? 

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How would you treat others? 
How would you treat yourself if 

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you were recognizing and 
honoring that inherent dignity? 

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What are the situations that 
make it feel difficult to do so?

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Or what are the situations or 
circumstances where you feel 

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like, oof, that hurts. 
That feels like a violation of 

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my dignity as a person. 
Get curious about what some of 

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those things are. 
It may help you as you're making

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decisions as new things start to
unfold and you have to navigate 

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through the next stages of 
uncertainty. 

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So those are the thoughts I 
wanted to leave you with today. 

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If you want to learn more than 
make sure that you sign up to my

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next cohort. 
My next class will be coming in 

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I think March, but to find out 
for sure what the dates of that 

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will be, then make sure that you
sign up to get updates on that. 

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You'll find a link to that in 
the show notes or go to my 

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website, kimnickel.com, and in 
the new managers section you'll 

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see a link to all of the course 
information there. 

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If you want one-on-one coaching,
you just want to work with me 

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privately on your specific goals
and challenges, then we can talk

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about that too. 
You can find a link in the show 

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notes to book a discovery call, 
or just go to my website and 

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you'll find a link to schedule 
time for us to talk there. 

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All right, it's not easy being a
human, so give yourself good 

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credit for the good work that 
you've done and have a little 

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bit of grace for the things that
feel hard. 

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I hope you have a really great 
week. 

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Thank you for listening and I 
will talk to you next time. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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life, and when you're happier in
your life, you're more effective

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at work. 
I can help. 

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Go to my website, kimnickel.com 
and sign up for a coaching 

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consult. 
It can get better.