Welcome to the new Manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here, and I hope you're doing well.
I wanted to start today's episode by reading a little bit
from this book I mentioned a while back.
The book is called Dignity, the Essential role It Plays in
Resolving Conflict. It's written by Donna Hicks, who
has had a very fascinating career in international conflict
resolution. She wrote this book some years
ago. I stumbled upon it.
I found some incredible passages that are really useful for
thinking about a lot of the situations we face in the
workplace every day. She also has a book that's been
published more recently about dignity and leadership, but I
haven't read that book yet, so I believe it's really good.
It is on my to read list, but we're doing one thing at a time
here, and I had posted about this book on LinkedIn not too
long ago, and I received so many comments about it.
There are so many fans of Doctor Hicks and of her work and so
many people from so many parts, you know, of the world and so
many different industries. And it really seemed to strike a
chord. It really felt like, oh, this is
something really powerful and really useful that many people
are already putting into practice.
And I feel like I just arrived at this party and I'm still kind
of new looking around and realizing, oh, this is really
great. And because I had such a an
incredible response on even just like my simple post about it, I
wanted to come back today with a little bit more from that book.
And also, you know, to welcome you, if this is how you found my
show was was from that post on LinkedIn.
Is there something else that I found I wanted to share?
And what's interesting is that this comes from the very
beginning, like from the introduction of this book, just
to give you a sense of how much it has to offer.
This comes like before you get even even into Chapter 1.
It's a few words from the preface and then from the
introduction. So here is what Doctor Hicks
writes. She asks a couple of questions.
What would it look like if our inherent dignity were recognized
on a daily basis? What about the way we treat one
another in everyday interactions?
What about the psychological ways in which people experience
wounds to their dignity? What about being excluded,
misunderstood, treated unfairly dismissed, or judged as inferior
on the basis of an aspect of their identity that they could
do nothing about? And then she goes on to say,
what is the dignity model? It's an approach I developed to
help people understand the role that dignity plays in their
lives and relationships. And in the end, the message of
the model is quite simple. Demonstrate the care and
attention for yourself and others that anything of value
deserves. That is the first and only
imperative. Don't miss an opportunity to
exert the power you have to remind others of who they are.
Invaluable, priceless, and irreplaceable.
Remind yourself to dignity is a birthright.
And then she goes on to talk about how how she's seen it in
her work. Like what it means the sense
that we must treat others as if they matters, as if they are
worthy of attention and care. And what I really appreciate is
that I feel she really speaks to something that feels so core to
the human experience, something that is resonant and relatable
no matter what industry you're in, no matter where you grew up.
It's something that I think is very recognizable for all
humans. And so when I think about what
it means to be a manager, what it means to step into a
leadership role, this lens of dignity, both how do you treat
others, how do you treat yourself?
I think remembering that piece of it can become very important,
especially if you are either facing some kind of active
conflict or friction in the workplace, in relationships, or
if you fear it. And with a lot of the people
that I work with, there's often a fear of, it's almost like
ending up being over cautious. I'm afraid to have this
conversation because I'm afraid of how this other person will
react. I'm afraid to address this
directly because of how it will seem.
Will it reflect badly on me? And this shows up whether you're
thinking about managing up and how you communicate to your
manager or whether you're thinking about your colleagues.
Maybe there's another director and the two of you are having
some conflict and it's affecting your teams.
And even though you're trying to protect them from it, maybe some
of that conflict starts to radiate outward anyways.
Or maybe the fear around the conflict is about how you will
need to communicate to someone on your team, either telling
them something that they will be disappointed by.
Like maybe they think they are ready for a promotion and you
don't see it that way. Or maybe it's something that
you're expecting pushback or resistance or anger about.
Maybe they think they've been performing at a really high
level that you see things differently and are
uncomfortable about how to approach that conversation.
So if you have any kind of discomfort around conflict,
which is so normal, by the way, like I think that's, you know, a
very common thing to feel, then I want you to to realize that
there are ways to think about relationships, ways to think
about conflict and ways to think about this lens of dignity, this
model of dignity. And how when you connect with
that, when you ask yourself the question, what does it look like
to treat others with dignity? What does that mean?
What does that look like in the workplace when you think about
treating yourself with dignity? What does that look like?
It starts to open up a different way of thinking and a different
way of finding a path forward that can still really, you know,
kind of honor the variety that you'll find in the workforce.
Like one of the things that can sometimes come as a shock is to
realize, oh, not everyone is like me.
You know, if I only managed people who were like me, it
would be so easy because I wouldn't have to explain things.
They would just understand. And we'd just get along and I'd
know how to motivate them. And realizing, you know what,
all of these people that I work with, we're all a little bit
different. There are some, you know,
perhaps core values that might be the same.
But you know what? The way that we like to work
might vary the way that we are motivated.
That might change quite a lot from person to person depending
on where they are in their life stage and what's happening in
their life outside of work. And so realizing that when you
are a manager, you're now working with a variety of
people, a variety of personalities and priorities and
learning how to be effective at getting people to work together
and helping the ones who are perhaps, you know, kind of
drifting off and the performance is not where it needs to be.
Working with the ones who are really high performers and maybe
they're itchy for the next opportunity.
Learning how to work with all of this variety, all of these
different people, becomes something like that.
It becomes very prominent in your field of view.
This is also why so much of the work that you Start learning to
do and so many of the skills that you start to very
specifically develop and hone fall under that umbrella
category of soft skills, of relational skills, of things
like communication and executive presence and influence.
All of these qualities and skills that are necessary when
we are creating effective working relationships with lots
of other people and I will add, under often less than ideal
conditions. So that means that there will be
things that happen that are not how you'd like things to be.
Maybe it's about the available budget, the available timeline
or other things that are happening in the world, in
people's individual worlds, in their personal lives, but also
in the bigger, wider world. There will always be things
happening that you know you hadn't planned for, and yet you
still have to figure out how to find a way to effectively manage
and lead these people. It's not always easy, so don't
be too hard on yourself. You know, like nobody just wakes
up knowing how to do this. Everyone is learning as they're
going and with a few different tools.
And I think, you know, some support and that mindset of
being ready to learn and implement some of these new
ideas, that is exactly what will help you along the way.
So be gentle with yourself and maybe take some of these
questions with you as you go through the week.
What would it look like to acknowledge or to have in mind
the dignity of others, even the dignity of yourself?
How would you treat others? How would you treat yourself if
you were recognizing and honoring that inherent dignity?
What are the situations that make it feel difficult to do so?
Or what are the situations or circumstances where you feel
like, oof, that hurts. That feels like a violation of
my dignity as a person. Get curious about what some of
those things are. It may help you as you're making
decisions as new things start to unfold and you have to navigate
through the next stages of uncertainty.
So those are the thoughts I wanted to leave you with today.
If you want to learn more than make sure that you sign up to my
next cohort. My next class will be coming in
I think March, but to find out for sure what the dates of that
will be, then make sure that you sign up to get updates on that.
You'll find a link to that in the show notes or go to my
website, kimnickel.com, and in the new managers section you'll
see a link to all of the course information there.
If you want one-on-one coaching, you just want to work with me
privately on your specific goals and challenges, then we can talk
about that too. You can find a link in the show
notes to book a discovery call, or just go to my website and
you'll find a link to schedule time for us to talk there.
All right, it's not easy being a human, so give yourself good
credit for the good work that you've done and have a little
bit of grace for the things that feel hard.
I hope you have a really great week.
Thank you for listening and I will talk to you next time.
When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your
life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective
at work. I can help.
Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching
consult. It can get better.