1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,400 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome. 3 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,900 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,400 Today's episode, I want to start with a shout-out to one of my 5 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:28,400 listeners Maureen, because Maureen wrote to me and she 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,500 said, Hey listen to your episode about the support and Authority 7 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,900 map. Do you have some kind of visual 8 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:39,100 that could help me understand and see it. 9 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:42,400 And I thought, oh yes, I am. Absolutely do. 10 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:47,300 And so I emailed her with a link to this article. 11 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:51,900 I wrote back in 2019 and it has a visual of the map. 12 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,200 And so I thought, you know what, this is a great opportunity to 13 00:00:55,200 --> 00:01:00,600 revisit this topic and I will put in the show notes, a link to 14 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,000 the same article that I sent to Maureen. 15 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:08,200 Or you can also see a picture of the map and what I'm going to do 16 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:11,600 today. Also, I'm going to save you Of 17 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,900 the time of having to read the article by actually reading 18 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:19,000 through most of it for you so that you can simply listen to 19 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,100 it, have it available. And then you'll have the article 20 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:29,100 as both a reference tool and you have that visual as well. 21 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:33,800 And the support and Authority map is a tool that I used a lot. 22 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:40,300 When I was teaching back in 2017, 18 19 when I was teaching 23 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,800 my All skills for new managers class in person. 24 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,700 And I found it just became a very helpful way to think about 25 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,900 everything that we described as a soft skill. 26 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:58,000 So all of the inter relational skills of communication and 27 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:03,400 listening and you know, it can feel like there's a lot that 28 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:06,400 goes into that. Once you start digging in it's 29 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,699 like, oh, there's so many things to be aware of and how do I even 30 00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:12,200 begin? And I found That the thinking 31 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:16,100 about it in these terms of support and Authority, just 32 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:21,600 became a very easy way to organize the thinking around, 33 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,300 you know, how, what, how do you do this? 34 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,400 Like, how do you understand it? And then put it into practice 35 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,300 with actual humans in the workplace. 36 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,900 So to get oriented. I want you to think about the 37 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:41,100 support and Authority map as something that describes where 38 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:47,800 Are you are not who you are. So think of it, in terms of I am 39 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:54,300 in this place right now, rather than I'm this type of person. 40 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,200 And we all have a place on the map. 41 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:01,800 That is most familiar to us where we feel most comfortable, 42 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:05,300 especially, when you are under pressure or stressed. 43 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:09,300 Simply because when you are under pressure or stressed, you 44 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:17,600 will be most likely To do the most familiar thing because it 45 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,700 feels known and safe or you can think of it as you've built up 46 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:26,300 the strongest muscle memory in that way of responding. 47 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:30,400 And so, when you're feeling stressed and Under Pressure, you 48 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:35,100 will tend to go back to the place that feels like home on 49 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:42,200 that support and Authority map and we can all visit All of the 50 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:47,600 regions of the map in a single day, depending on the situation. 51 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,300 And depending on the people we're dealing with, for some of 52 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:56,200 us, we are really confident and we feel very steady when we're 53 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,100 communicating with peers or even, you know, leading our 54 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,300 team. But the moment we're in a room 55 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,000 with someone who is in a higher position, we start to feel a 56 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,600 little more insecure, a little more worried about how we are 57 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:14,300 being perceived when Power, differential that can really 58 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:18,000 feel destabilizing. And so, you know, we just want 59 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,000 to be mindful that we can visit all these different places 60 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,700 depending on the situation and context. 61 00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:29,900 Also, these different locations on the map are not bad or good, 62 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,700 each location can be useful sometimes. 63 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:39,300 And so, you're not like a good person or a bad person on this 64 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:43,600 map again. Want to offer this idea of the 65 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:47,500 support and Authority map as a way to help you be more 66 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:53,500 effective by being flexible in how you think and then adapt to 67 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:57,600 the humans that you work with. It can be a way of sometimes, 68 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,500 kind of decoding. Like what is going on here? 69 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,800 Like, why is this either? Why is this not working? 70 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,400 Or why is this person behaving this way? 71 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:13,800 I don't understand. And when you have a sense of 72 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:18,200 which location on the map is home base for the people, you 73 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,100 work with it. Can help you be a better manager 74 00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:25,500 for them, which then benefits everyone. 75 00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:31,500 So, I see this as a very human centered perspective, and I do 76 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:36,300 believe that humans who work well together create great work 77 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,800 together. We just don't always know how to 78 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,100 do that. So, Support and Authority. 79 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:46,600 Let's start by diving into a bit more about what I mean by 80 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,900 support. So, when I talk about support 81 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,200 essentially, this is the idea, the power to uplift or assist 82 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,400 the power, to stabilize in a foundational way. 83 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,700 And this can show up as caring about the well-being of others. 84 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:09,600 Noticing, if people get a long being able to tune into or just 85 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,900 Percy, leave the emotional, you know, the emotional state of 86 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:17,200 other people. And I found that people who 87 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:22,900 identify as highly sensitive, highly empathic folks, who 88 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:27,300 experienced a compassion. Fatigue tend to be at home in 89 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:31,700 this element. Also, if you're a person who has 90 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:37,900 felt like you're very aware of sort of who has and who doesn't 91 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:41,400 have power in a room and you have a Of wanting to be 92 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:45,300 supportive of those who are either on the margins, or who 93 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:49,300 may need a bit more support a bit more allyship. 94 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,500 This also might be relevant to you in that way. 95 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:58,300 So then dialing up the amount of support means considering 96 00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:03,900 questions, like what does this human need to feel supported? 97 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,900 And we do want to hold that as a question. 98 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:09,300 We don't necessarily want to assume because sometimes we are 99 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,000 inaccurate. In our guests because humans are 100 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,200 different. And so the kind of support that 101 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,000 we want can also vary from person to person. 102 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,500 That means you can ask them questions. 103 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,400 Like, what do you need to feel supported right now? 104 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:27,000 Or how are you doing as a human? And also to be clear being 105 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:31,100 supportive, doesn't mean you have to talk about emotions or 106 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,500 pry into people's personal lives. 107 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:38,900 Some people prefer to keep their inner World Private So, being 108 00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:42,300 supportive, can mean asking about their career goals, 109 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,600 talking about professional development and growth being 110 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,900 interested in what's their big picture and how can you help? 111 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:53,300 So showing that you see and respect someone as a whole 112 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:57,900 person, is one of the most supportive things you can do, 113 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:03,300 and on the map, this is the kind of bottom line, the horizontal 114 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,900 line, and it goes from low to high solo support to high 115 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,500 support. Now Authority, what do I mean by 116 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,400 Authority? Essentially? 117 00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:18,400 I think of it as the power to create by declaration. 118 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:24,700 So for instance, look for the word author in Authority, 119 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:31,400 similar to how an author creates by declaration, by setting words 120 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,400 to paper, they create something into being, they create a world, 121 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,900 they create characters, they create a story. 122 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,799 By an author creates by declaration. 123 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:46,600 And you can also think of it. Like sometimes in movies, there 124 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,200 will be people getting married and there's a person who is 125 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:55,400 officiating the wedding and they will say by the authority vested 126 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:59,800 in Me by the state of whatever. I Now Pronounce You, you know, 127 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,100 married. It's this idea of I am creating 128 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:07,900 by declaration, I have the authority to now. 129 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:12,600 Say that this is true. The other place you can think of 130 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,700 it as like the authorizing signature. 131 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,800 Are you authorized, do you have the power to create by 132 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:26,000 declaration and agreement by signing something like some of 133 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,100 us, you know, especially in organizations there are 134 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:32,900 different levels of authority that you have to authorize 135 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:37,000 certain expenses for example, and you might be totally 136 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:42,600 authorized. To okay, you know like having 137 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,900 lunch brought in for your team and that expense you can totally 138 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,000 authorized you don't have to check with anybody. 139 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,200 But if you wanted to like do some big event and do this 140 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,000 really big fun team building activity and bring your team, 141 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:02,800 you know, off-site to this full-day event you might require 142 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:09,000 getting authorization going to someone who has the power To 143 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,500 create by declaration. Yes, this is an authorized, you 144 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,900 know, expense. You can go ahead and do that. 145 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:21,000 So again, in this context, I'm not talking about Authority like 146 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:25,800 authoritarian to bully or exert power over someone. 147 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:30,100 But as a side note, this is also why the word Authority 148 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:35,600 authoritarian really carries this sense of because I said so 149 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,400 it can feel like this unyielding Demand, they can feel very 150 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,500 arbitrary like authoritarian, I said, so, this is why it has to 151 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,700 be this way because you're creating by declaration but just 152 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,700 that's not, that's not what we're going for here. 153 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:55,800 But I mention this because I know the word Authority can also 154 00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,300 be quite charged and have a negative meaning for some folks. 155 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:05,500 And so, if you have experienced the word Authority, only in a 156 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:09,600 context where it was used as like power, Were you or if it's 157 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:14,000 been used along with, for example, a threat of violence, 158 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:19,800 or a punishment or it's been used as kind of a reason or a 159 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,400 way of diminishing or disrespecting. 160 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:26,000 You and if that word just like doesn't feel good for you, then 161 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,100 you can find another word like you don't. 162 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,000 It's not required that you use this. 163 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,200 And I just want to acknowledge that here because, you know, we 164 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,300 have different relationships to language. 165 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:41,200 So the authority is Section on the map is the vertical line 166 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,100 that goes from the bottom up to the top and it's from low to 167 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:50,900 high. So in this light a sense of 168 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:57,900 authority like author in the workplace, can speak to your 169 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:03,700 creative power, to clarify things to be direct and give 170 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:07,800 direction to decide to make decisions. 171 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:11,600 Or simply to determine by declaration. 172 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,800 I have determined that, we will do this. 173 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,200 That's what I mean by Authority here. 174 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:20,700 And so in this light, if you are thinking about, how do I dial up 175 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,400 the amount of authority that I'm bringing? 176 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:27,700 That would mean asking a question, like how can I be more 177 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:32,600 clear and direct with people? It can also mean protecting your 178 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:37,300 team from other demands standing up for them advocating for them 179 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:43,700 or committing to and communicating a clear course of 180 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,700 action. So people know what to focus on 181 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:52,700 and they know what's expected. So there are four locations on 182 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:56,300 the map. And again, remember these are, 183 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,100 you know, available to all of us. 184 00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,700 We tend to go to all these different places depending on 185 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,200 the situation. None of them are bad. 186 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,300 We want to be familiar with them all. 187 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,100 So, first we have Hi, support low Authority. 188 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,800 This will look like having a high priority on keeping the 189 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,800 peace and being friends with everyone avoiding confrontation 190 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:23,600 and hard decisions difficulty and standing up for the team or 191 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:29,300 advocating for yourself. So, for example, if you have had 192 00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,500 a manager who in your one-on-ones, always says, you're 193 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:36,700 doing a great job, but then in your performance review, they 194 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,800 say there are all these Things that you've been falling short 195 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,800 of that would be really frustrating because like, why 196 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,700 didn't they say something earlier? 197 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:49,600 If they didn't tell you, you couldn't know to change it, but 198 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,800 they were so uncomfortable with giving the feedback because it 199 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,400 felt confrontational to them. They avoided it, they just tried 200 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,300 to be no supportive, good job, way to go, but they didn't 201 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,800 actually give you that clear information and feedback that 202 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,900 you needed. This also can look like someone 203 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:11,300 who sugarcoats Everything the kind of cover-up feedback with 204 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,500 so much other language. It's hard to hear the message of 205 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:20,400 what needs to change. Then we have low support, and 206 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,400 low Authority. And in this part of the map, it 207 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:29,700 can look like someone who is distant distracted dis engaged 208 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,900 avoidant. They might simply be over 209 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:36,800 extended or unavailable. They're not providing guidance 210 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,800 or mentoring. And it can be offered as a form 211 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,500 of trust or like tossing you in the deep end and it might sound 212 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:50,500 like, hey I trust you to figure this out and you think okay 213 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,200 could I have some guidance here and they say nope way too busy. 214 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,900 You've got this I'll see you later and I think sometimes that 215 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:02,500 happens more than we realize, you know, somebody is either 216 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:07,700 super busy, they just are not, they don't have the bandwidth to 217 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,700 be. Able to slow down and say, okay 218 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,400 let's let's kind of give you a little more support. 219 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:16,100 They instead just sort of toss you in and they're like you'll 220 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,100 figure it out and it can be very frustrating because while it's 221 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:24,900 nice to be trusted it's also nice to have the support you 222 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:29,300 need in order to do well in the situation that you're in. 223 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:35,100 Okay, third quadrant we've got low support High Authority and 224 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,000 this is where it looks like there's a high priority. 225 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:43,200 Authority on the work that the person forgets about the humans 226 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,700 doing the work. It can show up as being 227 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:51,300 controlling or inflexible, it can look like micromanaging. 228 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:57,000 And I know that so many people do not like being micromanaged 229 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:03,100 and yet it is incredibly common. It is also very, I want to say 230 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,000 it's very subjective. So for one person, what? 231 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,900 What feels like being Edged. The other person might be so 232 00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:17,600 glad that you are giving very clear directions and guidance. 233 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:21,100 Like the way, it's perceived might landed differently on the 234 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:26,500 person but we do know that micromanaging is very common and 235 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:31,400 nobody team sends tends to like it and yet, you know it, I think 236 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:35,300 it shows up in every Workforce every workplace to some extent, 237 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,800 so we want to be aware of that. So sometimes this This idea of 238 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,700 being kind of, you know, very controlling and inflexible can 239 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:46,900 be very useful and I'm thinking of situations, like I'm 240 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:49,600 envisioning, you know, Emergency Medical Aid. 241 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,900 There's a very specific order of things that need to happen here, 242 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,700 or I'm thinking about legal compliance. 243 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,600 There are certain things that must be adhered to, or must be 244 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,400 done in a certain way or even, I don't know, like, decorating a 245 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,200 cake. There might be a very specific 246 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,800 order in. To do things in order for it to 247 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,099 all work out. So, sometimes things do have to 248 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:18,500 happen in a very specific way. But, you know, for some of us 249 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,599 when we're in that work situation, what I've heard some 250 00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:25,500 of my students say is, they'll say, you know, I don't really 251 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,500 care about people's personal lives. 252 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,400 I don't care about their feelings, I just want them to do 253 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,600 their work and that's totally fine. 254 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:41,400 But if that approach is not Not helping you to get the work done 255 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,700 through your team that's when we want to question. 256 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,200 What else can we try? There might be a more effective 257 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,600 way to manage people so that they work better together and 258 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,600 you can sleep better at night. Knowing that the work is getting 259 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,800 done and it's getting done well and then we have high support, 260 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,000 High Authority and this is, you know, it kind of looks like 261 00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:10,600 clear kind Direct And with others being skillful and giving 262 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,700 direction and corrective feedback, effectively advocating 263 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:18,900 for the team, and for yourself. And this tends to build trust. 264 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:24,900 And most of us have to learn how to operate in this space. 265 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,800 Most of us did not learn how to do this. 266 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,800 Organically, we had to either increase our comfort with 267 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,900 authority or increase our comfort and skill with being 268 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:40,200 more supportive. So what I like is it's this idea 269 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,900 that you don't need to be brutally honest, you don't need 270 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,000 to sugarcoat things. We can actually think in terms 271 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,400 of I'm going to be direct and clear and kind it might take 272 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,900 some practice but it has so many benefits. 273 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,800 So one story about using this map. 274 00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:02,300 So my home base where I am, why I tend to go especially when I'm 275 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:06,800 very stressed or under pressure is high support low Authority. 276 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,600 I care a lot about Harmony. I want to make sure people feel 277 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:15,100 welcomed and cared for. And I used to work with someone 278 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:20,600 whose home base was low support, High authority, meaning he 279 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,600 didn't really care about how people felt or if people were 280 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:29,200 getting along, he valued Clarity doing the work in the way he 281 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:34,400 thought was best. So, can you imagine how easy it 282 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:40,600 was for the two of us to create some Interpersonal friction, it 283 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,600 was so easy. There was a little Mutual 284 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:48,800 irritation, just this feeling of unease, not a lot of trust and 285 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:54,400 then one day I realized, oh wait a minute, he just doesn't value 286 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,700 interpersonal harmony with others. 287 00:19:56,900 --> 00:20:00,300 The way that I do and that is totally. 288 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:05,500 Okay, so instead of then trying to offer him more support, 289 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:09,300 instead I responded with a little more uh Authority being a 290 00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:13,900 bit more direct a bit more clear and I could do it from this 291 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:18,200 really kind place so you know, I didn't I didn't need to be harsh 292 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,900 about it. I also didn't need to ask them, 293 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,000 you know, how are you feeling? He actually didn't want to talk 294 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,500 about feelings for him. I think that was, this is my 295 00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,500 guess. It was just like a very private 296 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,700 kind of part of his life. He was, he was not going to 297 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,900 connect by sharing how he was feeling. 298 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,400 And so what happened was, I was able to then stop taking it 299 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,200 personally. Lee that he didn't seem 300 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,300 interested in connecting with me in what I thought was a 301 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,600 harmonious very human centered way. 302 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:49,300 Instead I could adjust my focus and my communication on being 303 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,600 more clear. I could focus on specific 304 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:56,200 behaviors on timelines on commitments and agreements and 305 00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:01,800 it made it so much easier. And so, as I changed my mindset 306 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,400 about how I communicated with him and then kind of readjusted 307 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,900 my skills, the way was communicated. 308 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:15,400 He changed how he responded to and this is one of the things 309 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:20,000 that is so cool is when we are stepping into that role of 310 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:25,100 management and of leadership we can't control what other people 311 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:28,200 will do. We can't control how they will 312 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:32,600 feel, but we can influence the environment. 313 00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:36,800 We can influence the relationship, by the way, that 314 00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:41,300 we show up. Because when you show up with 315 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:44,400 this perspective, with a slightly different mindset in a 316 00:21:44,408 --> 00:21:48,300 slightly different skill set, you're now giving the other 317 00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:54,300 person, something different to respond to, and to be in 318 00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:58,400 relationship with. And that is wonderful to know. 319 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:02,900 So in my situation, kind of created this ease of tension, we 320 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,700 worked better together and it was like, he didn't need to 321 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:09,100 change. I didn't need To change. 322 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:10,600 I mean, like not who I am as a person. 323 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:15,300 I just needed to adjust the way I was looking at the situation, 324 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:19,200 I just had to adjust the mindset and then I had to tap into my 325 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,900 skill set in a slightly different way so that is the 326 00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:29,500 support and Authority map. They can be a very elegant way 327 00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:34,200 to understand kind of where you feel most at home. 328 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,100 And what I found to is very often where we feel most at 329 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:41,700 home. Home is in the place that we 330 00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:47,600 found to be helpful when we were in a situation that felt 331 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,100 stressful for. So for some of us we found 332 00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:54,000 especially growing up because that's such our first experience 333 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,900 with relationships or when we're is when we're kids. 334 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,000 And for some of us, we learned, you know it, if I can just make 335 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,300 everyone get along, then we'll be okay. 336 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,700 And that eases the tension for some of us we learned, you know, 337 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,800 when things are kind of intense, I just need to give everyone 338 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,200 some space and back off. I just need to like keep a low 339 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,900 profile and let everything blow over and then I'll come back and 340 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:20,800 things will be fine. Some of us learned when things 341 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,400 are a little intense, I need to exert as much control as I can, 342 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,500 over the situation in order to help navigate us to safety. 343 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:33,600 And so we each grew up in different environments and we 344 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,500 each developed different strategies for being successful 345 00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:41,100 with the Situation, and the humans that we were with and 346 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,400 then we just bring all of that mindset. 347 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:47,300 And those habits into the workplace and we forget, oh, no, 348 00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:51,200 not everybody is going to pull from the same perspective and 349 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,700 skills that I have used. So the more awareness you have 350 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,800 for yourself about where you tend to go, what your habit is 351 00:23:58,300 --> 00:24:02,400 and then the more kind of awareness you bring around. 352 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,800 What are your options? What might you try differently? 353 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,300 The more you become aware. Of other people have different 354 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:16,200 ways that they do things to it. Starts to show you the path 355 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,000 forward where people can start to work better together even in 356 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,600 the midst of all of these different variables. 357 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,400 And I find that to be really delightful because throughout 358 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,900 the course of your career, you're going to work with 359 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,900 different humans. You're going to face different 360 00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:33,900 situations. Some of them will be 361 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:38,200 unanticipated and unexpected and sometimes you won't know. 362 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,600 What to do and there won't be a guidebook. 363 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:46,300 So what you want instead is kind of a grounded sense of you know, 364 00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:49,500 like what is the perspective or the tool that I can bring into 365 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:53,200 this situation and then I don't have to be afraid of the 366 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,000 unknown. I really can feel a sense of 367 00:24:56,300 --> 00:25:01,000 internal centeredness and groundedness and calm and 368 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:05,600 confidence and my goodness. We want that in our colleagues. 369 00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:08,100 We want that feeling of internal. 370 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:12,500 Security and groundedness and confidence in our managers. 371 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:15,800 And in our leaders, we don't need you to know everything. 372 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,400 We don't need you to be the know-it-all or the, you know, 373 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,000 the person of perfect information and guaranteed, you 374 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,200 know, predictability. But when things get intense, are 375 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:33,700 you someone that folks can look to and feel a sense of ease 376 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:39,700 because you feel re sourced and centered and Ain't about how you 377 00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:45,500 will navigate this new situation so that is the support and 378 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:49,600 Authority map in a nutshell. Go into the show notes, I will 379 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,500 put a link to the article so you can read it more fully and also 380 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:59,700 look at my very simple but very useful illustration that will be 381 00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,800 available to you. And hey as you're listening to 382 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,700 this podcast, if you have questions, you can email me, you 383 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:09,600 can message me on LinkedIn. You can go to my website, 384 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,900 chemical.com, you can send me a message through there if you 385 00:26:13,900 --> 00:26:16,000 want to work with me, one-on-one. 386 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,500 I am taking new clients and I would love to talk with you 387 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,900 about what's going on where you want to get to and how I can 388 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:27,100 help. So, there is a link in the show 389 00:26:27,100 --> 00:26:32,100 notes to my calendar and I invite you to schedule a free 390 00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:34,200 consult with me and let's talk about it. 391 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,500 Alright, thank you so much for listening. 392 00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:44,900 I will talk to you next time. Oh hey, before you go if you 393 00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:47,700 like this podcast, leave a review. 394 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,600 Tell me why you listen and what has helped you. 395 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,100 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time. 396 00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:46,900 Oh hey, before you go if you like this podcast, leave a 397 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:50,600 review. Tell me why you listen and what 398 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,900 has helped you. Thanks so much. 399 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:54,100 I'll see you next time.