1 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,400 Welcome to the new Manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:16,320 I'm your host, Kim Nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,040 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,160 Today's episode is going to help you when you are feeling 5 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,440 overwhelmed, when you feel like you're taking a lot on your 6 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,760 shoulders, and especially because you care a lot. 7 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:35,120 You care about doing well. You care about doing a good job 8 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,000 with your team. You're probably tracking the 9 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,960 people around you and their different levels of emotions and 10 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:46,360 you want to do well. And when you start to feel a bit 11 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,760 overwhelmed or that sense of stress at the end of the day 12 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,360 where you can't quite let your brain have a, a break from the 13 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:58,120 work thinking, then come back to this episode because this will 14 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,240 help a question I want to ask you. 15 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:07,560 What is your role? Not what is your job, not what 16 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,560 is your title? But instead think about it like 17 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:15,400 this. What is your role when you ask 18 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,160 yourself that question in the context of your work 19 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,880 environment, when you're thinking about the different 20 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:28,480 relationships you have with your team, with your colleagues, with 21 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,400 your manager, and even with your skip level and the folks above. 22 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,160 When you ask yourself what is, what is the role? 23 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,840 What is your role here? You might get different answers 24 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:44,760 and it will help you to focus and get a little bit more clear. 25 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,520 And one of the reasons why I think this is so important is 26 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:56,640 because you have had decades of experience trying on different 27 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:03,320 roles in your family, in your friend group, in your community, 28 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,640 and in the job in the workplace as well. 29 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:11,280 And whether you know it or not, you've started to absorb an 30 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:18,560 internal sense of which role you are responsible for and what it 31 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:22,720 takes to be successful in that role. 32 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,960 It's one of those things that I think it's so subtle, you don't 33 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,360 realize it. And then when you see it, you 34 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,560 can't Unsee it. It can really have a powerful 35 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:40,320 effect on how you understand the context of the workplace and the 36 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,560 way that you are experiencing the different challenges and 37 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,760 opportunities and, and all of the different things that are 38 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,200 kind of happening that are hidden in plain sight. 39 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,480 So for example, I, I am the eldest sister. 40 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,480 Well, I'm the only, I'm the only sister, but I'm the eldest 41 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,520 child. And in my family, you know, I, I 42 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:07,200 definitely took on this role, a sense of responsibility, both 43 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,080 for my brother as the eldest child. 44 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,080 I got a lot of, you know, take care of your little brother, 45 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,920 look after him. You know, you're the eldest, so 46 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,520 you have to set a good example and very, very early on really 47 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:26,160 identifying and taking seriously this role of what it meant to be 48 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,000 the big sister, to be the eldest child. 49 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:34,400 And if you also were an eldest child or the big sister or even 50 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:40,440 the Big Brother, then you might also understand what comes along 51 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:46,760 with that role in a family. If you've ever seen the movie 52 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,880 Encanto, but if you've ever seen that movie, there is an 53 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:54,000 incredible song that is sung by the eldest sister. 54 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:58,240 And it's all about the responsibility that she feels as 55 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,280 the eldest child as the big sister. 56 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,760 And when I saw that in the theaters, Oh my gosh, it just, 57 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,320 it hit me right in the heart. I could feel the the tears down 58 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:13,320 my face just because that sense of resonance, because she was 59 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:18,240 singing to a dynamic that really made sense to me. 60 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,560 Even though, you know, in the in the movie, it's, it's quite at 61 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,200 extreme intensity. But there was that understanding 62 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:29,480 of wow, you know, in your own family there is a role that you 63 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,280 have stepped into that you have taken. 64 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:38,880 And it's very possible that that then has continued to be a kind 65 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,640 of foundational way of interacting and relating with 66 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,760 others. Now, if you were the middle 67 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,480 child, different situation, if you were the youngest child, 68 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,920 different situation. And of course, depending on your 69 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:59,280 specific family dynamics, then, you know, that particular role 70 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:03,280 can also look different depending on the personalities 71 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:07,200 and depending on the circumstances that you were, you 72 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:11,560 know, living in as a kid. But this idea of what is your 73 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,560 role, it's something that starts way before we enter the 74 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,960 workforce. And it's one of the ways that we 75 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,480 think about, you know, what is my responsibility here? 76 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,960 What is it that I'm in charge of? 77 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:29,080 What does success look like? And so when we remember that the 78 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:34,160 idea of identification around a role is something that has been 79 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:38,920 present in you for years and years and years, long before you 80 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,680 entered the workplace. And realizing that there are 81 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:47,520 some ideas of what it means to be successful based on that 82 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,360 role, based on what you've been rewarded for, what you've 83 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:57,720 received positive attention for, all of that can feed into the 84 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:02,520 workplace because we bring our communication skills, we bring 85 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,960 our background and experience with different interpersonal 86 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,720 dynamics. We bring all of that into the 87 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,680 workplace. So if you are a person, for 88 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,280 example, who feels a pretty significant sense of 89 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:21,560 responsibility to care for the people around you, whether that 90 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:26,320 means your colleagues or your team, or even sometimes we get a 91 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:30,600 little bit oriented around, oh, it's my job to take care of the 92 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,640 people in higher positions of power. 93 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:37,240 Whether we do that because we fear what happens. 94 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,120 And if I don't take care of the people in a position of power, 95 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,760 the fear is something bad will happen sometimes, whether we're 96 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,240 aware of it or not. That might be the dynamic, that 97 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,000 might be the the role that you are taking on. 98 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:56,960 That's one of the reasons why we can feel overwhelmed and feel 99 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,280 that sense of kind of low key ever present stress and anxiety. 100 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,440 So ask yourself, OK, what is your role? 101 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,480 We want to take a step back and we start to ask and explore this 102 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:12,040 question. So is your role to fix things 103 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:16,440 like are you a fixer? Is your role to have the right 104 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:22,920 answers and kind of demonstrate accuracy in giving answers or to 105 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,440 be the best and have the the perfect level of performance? 106 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:31,440 Is your role here to amplify something? 107 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:37,440 Maybe your role is to help give more voice or kind of clear the 108 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:42,160 way for someone else who's trying to accomplish something 109 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,640 or speak something. Is your role to protect or to 110 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:51,080 shield in the situation? Is your role around building 111 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,680 trust? Maybe your role is around being 112 00:07:55,680 --> 00:08:01,440 more of a coach rather than someone who's super good at just 113 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:06,080 executing and operating. Maybe your role here is to give 114 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,640 direction so that other people know what they should be working 115 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,440 on and what they can let go of. Maybe your role is to help 116 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:17,440 connect the dots. When we start thinking in terms 117 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,280 of what is your role here, it can give you a way to be very 118 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:27,760 flexible and adaptive to changing situations, to 119 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,600 different personalities and to different relationships. 120 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,440 You know, let's say that you're managing a team and you have 121 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,520 someone new who gets hired and then they start and they join 122 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,480 the team. What is your role both in 123 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:45,640 respect to the new hire and helping them get on boarded, 124 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:50,480 helping them perhaps feel welcomed or feel reassured that 125 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,280 they made the right choice and choosing to accept the offer? 126 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,680 What is your role with respect to the existing members on the 127 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:02,080 team and helping them understand who this new person is and how 128 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,040 they're going to now fit into the picture? 129 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:08,920 What is your role in helping connect the dots between some of 130 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,800 the other people in the organization or some of the 131 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:16,840 other reasons why things happen and helping the new person see 132 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,440 and understand that? Thinking about what is your role 133 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:25,200 here can help you to identify what is it that needs your 134 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:31,040 attention now and what is it that is actually not required 135 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,560 Because there's always going to be more work, right? 136 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,960 There's there's always more work you can do. 137 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,080 There are always going to be more demands for your time and 138 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:46,120 attention and care. And so part of what your job is 139 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,720 in this leadership role and as the manager is to begin to 140 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:57,320 discern where to put your time, your attention, your energy. 141 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:02,640 Am I asking this question, OK, what is your role today, this 142 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,880 week, this month, in this moment? 143 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:10,720 It will help you find the answer that will be most useful in that 144 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,960 moment. It will also help you to 145 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,560 identify where you've gone off track. 146 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,320 So, for example, if you know that you are the kind of person 147 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,960 who has high empathy, high compassion, and you just want 148 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:29,080 everyone to be happy, you might realize when you ask this 149 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,680 question, what is my role? You might realize, you know 150 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:35,880 what, even though I really like everyone to be happy, that is 151 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:40,960 not my role right now. My role is not about bringing 152 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,760 everyone's emotion into the same room. 153 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:48,640 It might be, you know, my role is to give clear direction and 154 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,880 maybe my role is to be safe for people who are going to be 155 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:57,720 frustrated and unhappy with the direction that we are going. 156 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:03,320 Now, maybe my role is not to make them feel better, but maybe 157 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,400 the role is, you know what, I get it. 158 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,160 I understand that this is not the direction you would have 159 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,320 chosen, but this is the direction we're going. 160 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,320 And so how can I help you with what we need to do now? 161 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:21,480 And that ability that you have on the inside to be OK when 162 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:27,520 other people are feeling angry, frustrated, disappointed, that 163 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:33,880 is a skill, especially if you have lots of experience 164 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,480 caretaking the emotions of the humans around you. 165 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:43,280 And a lot of us have had to do that in one way or another 166 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,320 throughout the early part of our life. 167 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,400 So ask yourself, what is your role here? 168 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:54,720 Be mindful of your own experience in your own family, 169 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,520 in your own community, in your own career history. 170 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,760 There's a often a change when we move from being an individual 171 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,960 contributor to being the manager, where there is the 172 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,760 mindset shift that happens when you realize, oh, when I was the 173 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:16,520 individual contributor, my role was about being very skillful at 174 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,600 executing on this task or function. 175 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,760 That was my role to be really good at doing this thing. 176 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:28,720 When you shift into a manager role, your role changes and now 177 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:32,280 your job is not to be the best at doing the thing. 178 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,840 Now we start thinking differently about what is the 179 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,920 role and again, this is different from what is the job 180 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,520 and it's different than what is your title. 181 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:48,040 So be mindful, right? The idea of what is the role is 182 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:52,880 something that will change, something that allows you to be 183 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,920 both flexible and adaptive to different situations. 184 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:03,600 A good time to ask this question when you're feeling overwhelmed, 185 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:08,760 when you are overworking. Often times with overworking, 186 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,920 that often is a place where we forget like wait, what is my 187 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,360 role here? Am I overworking intentionally? 188 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,840 Or is this coming from a place of I've let go of my boundaries. 189 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,920 I have put everyone ahead of myself. 190 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:30,360 I have started to, you know, feel like I have to fix things 191 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,400 and I'm afraid to ask for support or ask for change or I'm 192 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,120 trying to avoid the uncomfortable conversation. 193 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:42,000 Sometimes our role is in this moment, I'm going to be the one 194 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,400 who brings that uncomfortable conversation. 195 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:51,080 So add this question to your tool kit because there are lots 196 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,680 of times when you're asking like, what am I supposed to do 197 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,920 right now? Like, what do I do? 198 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,800 This is new. I don't know what to do. 199 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,640 What's the right choice? Take a step back, take a breath 200 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:10,280 and ask yourself, OK, what is my role in this? 201 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:15,800 What would be of greatest service you know, to the team, 202 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,400 to myself, to the organization? What is the role? 203 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:25,280 And see what comes up. And from that, allow yourself to 204 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:32,160 make a choice that feels grounded and responsive to what 205 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:38,520 is happening in the moment. That is what I wanted to share 206 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:43,160 with you today. Thank you so much for listening. 207 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:48,800 If you want to learn how to do more of this work, the, you 208 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,120 know, professional development and the personal growth that 209 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:58,160 comes with growing as a leader and as a manager, then make sure 210 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,400 that we connect. You can join the wait list. 211 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:06,080 There's a link in the show notes to the mailing list and you'll 212 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,320 find that also on my website, kimnickel.com. 213 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,760 Go to the new manager page and you'll see the link to sign up. 214 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,320 If you are feeling like, well, I want to also do one on ones I 215 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,320 want to work with. You know, if you want to work 216 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:27,040 with me individually to get that thought partnership and create a 217 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:32,840 plan for how you're going to lead and learn and grow in the 218 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:38,120 next quarter or the next half year, then go to my website, 219 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:42,400 kimnickel.com and schedule some time to talk with me and we'll 220 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,080 talk about one-on-one coaching and how I can help. 221 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:50,880 Thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a wonderful week 222 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,080 and I will talk to you next time. 223 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,280 When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your 224 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,040 life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective 225 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,880 at work. I can help. 226 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,480 Go to my website Kim nickel com and sign U for a coaching 227 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,880 consult. It can get better.