1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,400 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,000 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,700 I wanted to start today by sharing celebration, one of my 5 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:27,200 clients, finished her work with me and she sent me an e-mail to 6 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,500 say the timing of our work together was perfect. 7 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,500 The old stories, don't bind me anymore. 8 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:39,100 They creep back in sometimes, but then I remember, oh yes, I 9 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:42,700 can do what I want. That kind of Permissive feeling 10 00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:46,600 of, I can do, what? And with whom I want for as long 11 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:51,100 or as short, as I want is being reflected in measurable ways in 12 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:54,600 my daily life. And now showing up in ways, I 13 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:59,700 never could have imagined and I just felt so good. 14 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,400 Reading her message because that's often what it's about. 15 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,200 It really is about understanding. 16 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,900 The story is that are driving, our behaviors and our 17 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,500 experiences and learning how to see them clearly. 18 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,300 And then unhook yourself from them. 19 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:18,800 It doesn't necessarily mean that you eliminate them altogether 20 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,700 but they're no longer binding you. 21 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:26,500 They're no longer holding you back or kind of keeping you from 22 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:31,900 other options and choices and this ties in with the main 23 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,400 topic. I wanted to share with you 24 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:38,900 today, which is about working with emotions, and in the course 25 00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:41,200 of your human life, this comes up a lot. 26 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:46,700 But in the context of work and managing people both in terms of 27 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:50,700 managing up, so managing your manager and the folks above you 28 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:56,700 managing your team and being able to work with the emotions 29 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,200 of the people on your team? It will come up a lot. 30 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:05,400 And if you are doing anything, client-facing, if you are 31 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:12,000 working with clients, then you already know how important It is 32 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:18,600 to know how to effectively manage the emotions that are 33 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:23,600 happening with your clients and honestly, what ic2 is the better 34 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:28,500 you get at that, the better, your personal work life becomes 35 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,500 and the more effective you can be. 36 00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:33,600 And this will play into everything from being able to 37 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:39,000 establish, highly functional client relationships, where you 38 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,300 have boundaries and clear Ways of working and then as a 39 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:48,000 manager, you can also start to coach your team on how to work 40 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,300 effectively with the emotions of clients. 41 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:56,500 So, for example, one of my clients has a team and her team 42 00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:01,600 is pretty young and she has this one client that is a little bit 43 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:07,800 volatile, let's just say, and so because she understands that 44 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,900 she's able to do a couple of things. 45 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:14,900 Number one, Has been able to communicate with the client in a 46 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:19,400 way that contains Andy escalates, the volatility in 47 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,300 part. Because she understands when 48 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:26,800 this person feels overwhelmed, they tend to get very urgent and 49 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,400 they kind of stopped reading things clearly. 50 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,400 And so they end up missing a lot of information. 51 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:36,000 And she's learned that when she sees that happening, she can 52 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,900 adjust her communication style and a way that helps to ground 53 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,500 and anchor that Aunt. And then with her team she's 54 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,400 found that she can simply prep them and say, okay, now remember 55 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,600 when we're meeting with this client, there's a likelihood, 56 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,500 they'll be very volatile if they're feeling overwhelmed. 57 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,400 And so, what we're going to do is we're going to approach them 58 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,500 in this way. We're going to organize our 59 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,500 presentation, or we're going to organize our meeting in this way 60 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:05,800 to allow for that, which makes a better experience for everyone. 61 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,600 And it's kind of this high level skill because it's invisible. 62 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:16,600 And Non obvious. But the effect of it is so 63 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:20,500 beneficial because one of the things I want to really 64 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:26,700 highlight and point out for you is that emotion takes energy. 65 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,900 And I mean that in a couple of ways one is that like when we're 66 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:38,100 feeling anxious or worried or angry or resentful or distracted 67 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:43,400 that will drain your energy but but also when you are feeling 68 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:49,400 motivated and purposeful and proud and capable and confident 69 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:53,700 that takes energy in the sense that like it gives and generates 70 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:58,900 energy and relationships, there's always an emotional 71 00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:02,700 element and emotional context, even if it's something as 72 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:05,300 straightforward or simple as trust. 73 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:11,100 So, if you trust the person that you are in a relationship that 74 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:15,900 Ends up having a very different energetic and emotional 75 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,700 component to it. Then if you are in a 76 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:24,000 relationship with someone where the trust has been broken or is 77 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:28,400 not established yet. And so when we start to think 78 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,400 about why it's valuable to understand and work with 79 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:38,500 emotion, I want to shine a light on the energy of it and I think 80 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:45,000 one of the ways that we tend to overlooked and devalue emotion 81 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:50,400 is because it's so often presented as a negative or as 82 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:54,200 something that is valued less than the intellect. 83 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:59,800 So for example, if you say this person is very intellectual that 84 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,700 often is a compliment. If you say this person is very 85 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:09,400 emotional, that often has a very different tone to it and it's 86 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:15,500 often not spoken of In a positive way and so we can 87 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:21,200 Overlook the value of emotion and because we work and live in 88 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,500 a culture that tends to really prize and reward and recognize 89 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:32,900 the intellectual reasoning part of our humanity and tends to 90 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:39,500 cast aside and look down upon the emotional part of our 91 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,300 Humanity. When in fact, Act, the emotion 92 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:47,200 is where all of the energy is so when you think about being 93 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,800 motivated, we hear this a lot in the workplace, we want our team. 94 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,700 We want our people to be highly motivated. 95 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:59,200 Motivated is an emotion. I feel motivated and the reason 96 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,100 you know this is because, you know, we are at the beginning of 97 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:06,100 the year, a lot of a lot of us set intentions for the year. 98 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:10,000 But if you are only setting that intention from an intellectual 99 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:17,100 place, And there is no emotional energy behind it, then the 100 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:21,200 intellect it's just words it's just the words of the intention. 101 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:26,300 We want to have some emotion, to make it feel alive and 102 00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:31,200 meaningful and purposeful. So that we feel motivated. 103 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:36,400 Even if it's not like, I'm super excited to do this intention or 104 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,500 this goal every day, but we can still move towards it. 105 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:46,800 If we have activated that emotional part of ourselves and 106 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:51,200 myself, one of the things I realized many years ago was that 107 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:56,000 when I had big emotions, I would think of myself as oh, I'm being 108 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,900 so emotional. That's not good. 109 00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:01,700 I need to get a handle on that. And what I realized, I made this 110 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:05,100 small shift and instead, I thought, you know, emotions are 111 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:09,000 very powerful. So whenever I felt a strong 112 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,400 emotion, especially ones that To be looked at as - like feeling 113 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:19,500 frustrated or angry or sad. Instead of saying I feel 114 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:23,300 emotional, I'd say, you know, I feel so powerful right now. 115 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:30,100 My anger is so activated, it is so powerful and it allowed me to 116 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:35,500 be in the presence of my own emotion experience, without 117 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:40,600 putting on a layer of judgment and if you only take this away, 118 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:45,100 just this A simple frame of emotions are powerful and we can 119 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:50,400 experience them without the weight of judgment. 120 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:56,100 It will help you so much in dealing with your own emotional 121 00:08:56,100 --> 00:09:00,300 experience. As well as the emotions of 122 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:03,200 others. Because here's what I know. 123 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,600 From so much of the work that I do is that we are making 124 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:14,200 decisions based on how we think the other People will feel we 125 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,200 get avoidant and we hold back from having difficult 126 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:23,500 conversations because we feel uncomfortable about that or we 127 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,400 worry. How will this other person feel? 128 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,500 Will they blow up? Will they shut down? 129 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:36,000 Will they attack me in some way? Will they talk to someone else 130 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,700 about this? Instead of me? 131 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:43,600 We get really wrapped up. In how we imagine other people 132 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:49,500 will feel the emotional outcome of whatever we're imagining is 133 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,500 going to happen. And so, when we're not aware of 134 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:59,500 how much emotion is, affecting us in the decisions that we 135 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:04,600 make, it becomes really difficult to make strategic 136 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,600 choices. It becomes difficult to 137 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,500 sometimes. Do the hard thing that we have 138 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:13,300 to do, which might simply be to give Feedback to someone on our 139 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:18,000 team about something that we feel, they might have, you know, 140 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,500 a reaction to. So, we want to understand and 141 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,500 work with emotions. Here are some other ways that 142 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:28,400 emotions, show up that I see a lot with my clients when they 143 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,900 come to work with me, they don't feel confident or they are in 144 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,900 avoidance, they know they're not being direct or they are no. 145 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,600 They are avoiding difficult conversations. 146 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,000 They'll often say, I feel So uncertain. 147 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,100 So I'm not sure what to do. I feel anxious and then some 148 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:50,000 other ones that often come up in the life coaching work that I 149 00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:52,000 do. People will say that they feel 150 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,900 misunderstood, they feel disrespected, they feel worried, 151 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:59,200 they feel pressured and so emotions. 152 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:05,500 Play a very important role in your life, both at work and in 153 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,700 your personal life as well. The more you learn how to 154 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:14,100 understand and work with your own Emotions and the emotions of 155 00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:16,600 others. The easier it is for you to 156 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:22,000 create satisfying relationships, create great outcomes, at work 157 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:27,800 and deal with other humans which you know, they have emotions to 158 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:34,800 and often the most rewarding part is when we feel safe and 159 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:39,400 connected and confident and capable in how we are in 160 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:44,600 relationship with Those humans both at work and you know, 161 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,400 everywhere else. So the cool thing is that when 162 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,600 you learn to work with emotions in one area of your life, you 163 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,600 learn how to work with them in every other area of life. 164 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,600 So there's a whole lot of benefit that you get from 165 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,600 learning more about how you work with them and how to be 166 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,300 intentional with them in the workplace and as a manager. 167 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,600 So, that is what I wanted to share with you today. 168 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:13,000 Some ideas and inspiration, and ways to Think about emotion, 169 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:18,700 especially with respect to the energetic component, notice 170 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:22,900 where your energy feels drained, where it feels activated. 171 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:28,900 Just begin to get curious about how emotion functions in your 172 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:34,400 own life and if you want to do more of this work with me and 173 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:39,400 get a real handle on this aspect of your leadership and work this 174 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:44,300 year, then go into the show notes book, a consult and let's 175 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,700 talk. The other thing I want to invite 176 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:52,400 you to is to get onto my mailing list just for managers and 177 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,500 Leadership. Go to my website. 178 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:58,300 Kim nickel.com and then go to the new manager page. 179 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:02,300 You'll see the link to join that specific list because there is a 180 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,100 lot that I want to offer to you, especially at the beginning of 181 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:09,000 this year, got plans for some classes and webinars coming up, 182 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,600 and I want to make sure that you know about them, As soon as they 183 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,900 are available to you, all right thanks so much for listening and 184 00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:25,000 I'll talk to you next time. Hey before you go if you like 185 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,500 this podcast please leave a review. 186 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,400 Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? 187 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,900 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.