1
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600
Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

2
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,700
I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,900
I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

4
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:28,000
I don't know if there are a lot 
of motorcycles outside today or 

5
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:36,200
if it's like just one motorcycle
Enthusiast who keeps driving by 

6
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,600
my house. 
But I have decided that your you

7
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,600
just might So motorcycle in the 
background today. 

8
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,400
I don't even think I'll be able 
to edit it all out, so I'm just 

9
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,300
going to warn you ahead of time.
That, that is a thing that is 

10
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:54,000
true. 
I am recording this episode a 

11
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,700
bit in advance of when I 
typically do because I am 

12
00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:02,700
planning to go away for the 
weekend with my boyfriend and 

13
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,400
I'm really looking forward to 
it. 

14
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:09,600
I had this experience a couple 
of weeks ago where I realized my

15
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:15,200
calendar is really full. oh, Who
put all this, who put all this 

16
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,800
stuff on my calendar and I 
realized it was me. 

17
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,400
I did that and they're all 
things. 

18
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,200
I like, I have been coaching 
more than ever. 

19
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:32,600
I have also been doing some 
group workshops, but my calendar

20
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:37,500
is getting full and it took me a
while to feel the shift in 

21
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:41,900
energy where all of a sudden, I 
was feeling a little more. 

22
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,900
Pleated, a little bit more 
drained. 

23
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,000
I was talking with my boyfriend 
and saying, yeah, I've been 

24
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,800
feeling really tired. 
I've been feeling really busy 

25
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,500
and he says, yeah, you've been 
working hard and I thought, oh, 

26
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,500
that's right. 
And we can sometimes forget that

27
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:05,100
and especially, you know, I 
wanted to mention this because, 

28
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:10,199
especially if you are a bit of a
caretaker, if there's just a 

29
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:13,700
part of who you are as a person,
In is, you take care of other 

30
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:17,300
people, whether it's in your 
family or whether it is your 

31
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:21,700
clients, or whether it is the 
people that you work with. 

32
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:27,200
If you have an orientation that 
has you paying attention to the 

33
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:32,000
needs of others, sometimes that 
means we forget about our own 

34
00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,300
needs. 
It's like you're driving in a 

35
00:02:34,308 --> 00:02:38,500
car and you forget to check your
dashboard and you don't even 

36
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:45,500
notice that your tank is getting
close to D this happens and it 

37
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,500
doesn't matter how intelligent 
you are. 

38
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:53,200
We sometimes just lose track of 
where our energy is and what we 

39
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,800
need and it is so important. 
I tell this to my students and I

40
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:01,800
tell this to myself and I'm 
telling this to you, it is 

41
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:10,400
important to be aware of what 
you need and to tend to your 

42
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:15,400
well-being before. 
Before it becomes a real problem

43
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:20,900
before you get so depleted that 
you're just feeling like a 

44
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,700
zombie. 
And before you start getting 

45
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:29,800
resentful, it's important to 
pause and take care of you. 

46
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,000
And it doesn't mean that you're 
not a strong person. 

47
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:38,400
It doesn't mean anything other 
than you are a human and taking 

48
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,700
intentional time to restore 
yourself. 

49
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:47,200
Is part of The Human Experience.
So let this be a reminder to us 

50
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:52,500
all that taking time for 
yourself, is also part of what 

51
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:56,100
it means to be a leader. 
And you know the people that you

52
00:03:56,100 --> 00:04:00,800
work with are also paying 
attention to who takes time off 

53
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:07,200
and rests and who works so hard 
and without any breaks that they

54
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,900
just burn out or get grumpy and 
take it out on any. 

55
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,300
On everybody else. 
So it actually sets a good 

56
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,000
example for others. 
When you show. 

57
00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:22,400
Yes, it is normal and it is fine
to take some time away. 

58
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:26,000
The other thing I'm thinking 
about today, I've had several of

59
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,900
my clients this week who are 
getting promoted. 

60
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:33,600
Who have new, exciting job 
situations happening and it 

61
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:38,700
occurred to me to tell you this 
because what's interesting is I 

62
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:43,500
don't coach people on getting 
promoted That's not why my 

63
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:48,100
clients come to me, but it is a 
very common side effect of the 

64
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:51,800
work we do and a lot of my 
clients have never worked with a

65
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,200
coach before. 
And so, that might be you, you 

66
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,700
might not really know what 
happens in coaching. 

67
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,600
It can seem kind of mysterious 
if you've never had it. 

68
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,900
So, I thought today, I would 
share a little bit with you 

69
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:09,600
about what I do in coaching with
my clients, what we work on so 

70
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,800
that you can understand that for
yourself. and with my clients 

71
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:18,800
that I was thinking of just now 
who have gotten promoted, we 

72
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,700
don't coach on how to get 
promoted but what we do cochon 

73
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:29,100
is what is it that you want What
is it that you really want? 

74
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,500
What is it that you want? 
Now that maybe you didn't want a

75
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,000
year ago? 
Or when you started this Courier

76
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:42,900
like what is it that you want? 
And what is it it that is in the

77
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:47,000
way what's holding you back? 
What are you afraid of? 

78
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,300
These are really the core 
questions that we talked about 

79
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:55,000
and explore together. 
And what's cool about it is that

80
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,400
in coaching I'm Great percent on
your side. 

81
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:05,800
I have full belief in you and I 
am unattached to what you choose

82
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,800
and that is not true of the 
other people in your life who 

83
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,300
love you and who work with you. 
They all have opinions about 

84
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,500
what they think you should do 
about. 

85
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,600
What is this smart thing to do, 
or how you should make 

86
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,200
decisions? 
Because it affects them, this is

87
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,300
just a human thing. 
But what's really neat thing is 

88
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:29,100
that in coaching You really get 
this space to explore the 

89
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,300
question. 
What is it that you want? 

90
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,100
And what's holding you back? 
What are you afraid of or what 

91
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,900
is an assumption or a belief 
that you're holding? 

92
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:44,100
That is getting in your way? 
And as your coach I get to 

93
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,900
listen really closely. 
I get to serve as a mirror. 

94
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,100
So I'll tell you what. 
I hear you saying, I will help 

95
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,500
you to find your blind spots the
thing. 

96
00:06:56,700 --> 00:07:01,500
That you just assumed to be true
that maybe are not true anymore 

97
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,800
or maybe they never were true. 
Maybe you just believed 

98
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,100
something about yourself because
somebody had an opinion about 

99
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,900
you and you agreed with them 
because they were an authority 

100
00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:18,500
figure. 
And then you've just been 

101
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:22,200
running your life with that same
belief, and same idea for all 

102
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,600
this time. 
And it's kind of like if you've 

103
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,900
ever heard the saying, what got 
you here? 

104
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,900
Won't get you there. 
That's kind of the work that we 

105
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,900
do together. 
It's all about mindset. 

106
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,500
So what is it that you want? 
How are you thinking about? 

107
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,100
What you want? 
Giving yourself permission to 

108
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:47,800
think generously and expansively
as your Coach. 

109
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:53,200
I don't have the answers for you
but I help you to find the 

110
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:58,300
answers that you're looking for.
And this to me was made. 

111
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,700
So clear in a conversation, I 
had just yesterday. 

112
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,900
With one of my clients who said,
you know, like, this coaching 

113
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:09,800
stuff is very nonlinear, right? 
Like we're exploring thoughts 

114
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,800
desires beliefs or processing? 
Emotion, we're exploring her 

115
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:18,600
mindset, but she said, it's Saul
come together. 

116
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:24,000
I feel like night and day from 
where I was six months ago and 

117
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:28,100
she said the thing that I've 
been really wanting that sense 

118
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,300
of clarity that sense of 
purpose. 

119
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:35,100
She says, all of a sudden, I saw
this opportunity that I didn't 

120
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:39,100
even know was out there and I 
knew that's exactly what I 

121
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:44,000
wanted. 
And I loved that because like 

122
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,300
what happens when we get to 
eager to create a N is, you 

123
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:53,300
eliminate all of the positive 
unknowns. 

124
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,300
I think of it as the Serendipity
engine. 

125
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,300
You want to have room for the 
Serendipity engine to work. 

126
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:05,600
And if you over plan in your 
life, then you eliminate 

127
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:10,900
opportunities to come into your 
life that you could not have 

128
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,100
planned for. 
Because you didn't know about 

129
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:16,500
them. 
We look to plans because they 

130
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:21,900
make us feel Feel secure and 
safe but they can also work 

131
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:26,200
against us if we get too 
narrowly focused. 

132
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:31,100
And so having coaching space, 
where you can think expansively,

133
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,600
where you can ask, what is it 
that you want? 

134
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:40,900
And not edit your answer or you 
can really be truthful with 

135
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:45,700
yourself about what you think, 
and how you feel. 

136
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:50,300
And then we can I'm in that and 
explore it and question it 

137
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:56,000
because it might be time to 
shift your mindset to think 

138
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,000
differently. 
And I sometimes think about this

139
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:04,100
kind of like making a switch 
from one source of energy to 

140
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,200
another. 
Like, if your whole life and 

141
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,600
career has really been driven by
a lot of perfectionism and 

142
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:17,200
people-pleasing and feeling 
attached to achievement and 

143
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:21,800
recognition that can turn like 
that can be very effective for a

144
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,900
period of time until it stops 
being effective and gets in the 

145
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,400
way. 
And it's kind of like how you 

146
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:33,800
can run an engine on coal and it
will work. 

147
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,600
It will work well for a really 
long time, but there also is a 

148
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:43,500
cost to that and it's not a 
great long-term solution at some

149
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,100
point you might want to switch 
to solar you. 

150
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:52,200
Want to switch to a new form of 
energy to get you to the next 

151
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,900
level, or to the next stage of 
your life and learning, how to 

152
00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:03,300
make that switch, can feel 
awkward, it can feel clumsy and 

153
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,300
it can feel scary because it 
might feel like, you don't know 

154
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,600
what you're doing. 
Feels different. 

155
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,600
One of the reasons we stay in 
our patterns, even when they 

156
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,600
stop working, is because they 
are familiar. 

157
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:23,300
And the part of you that wants 
to feel safe, feels safe with 

158
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:28,000
familiar things. 
Familiar ideas, familiar 

159
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:34,900
behaviors, they're comfortable. 
So it's very common to stay in a

160
00:11:34,908 --> 00:11:39,000
place where you know, that 
something isn't quite working 

161
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,300
but you keep doing it. 
And the reason we get stuck is 

162
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:46,600
not about intelligence. 
It has nothing to do with how 

163
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,600
smart. 
You are but it's about where we 

164
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:57,800
feel safe and it's really hard 
to talk yourself out of 

165
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,000
something that feels safe. 
And instead in coaching, we 

166
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,300
really get to explore. 
Where is your feeling of safety 

167
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:09,100
coming from and let's locate 
that inside you. 

168
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,500
I don't know if that makes sense
to you. 

169
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,600
It's something I talk a lot 
about with my clients just How 

170
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:23,600
are you seeing things? 
And what else is possible is so 

171
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,500
much of our work. 
So having someone to help you to

172
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:34,400
see your blind spots to listen 
without judgment to think in a 

173
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:38,300
really generous, and 
compassionate way about who you 

174
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:44,300
are about what's next and about 
why things feel scary is, what 

175
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:47,000
coaching is all about. 
Because when you have that 

176
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,900
space, This then you're not 
ruminating in your own mind. 

177
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:56,100
You actually have another brain 
listening to you questioning 

178
00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:01,100
some of those assumptions and 
Shining some of your own wisdom 

179
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:05,400
back to you. 
Often when we're asking 

180
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:10,500
ourselves, what should I do? 
We're imagining that there is 

181
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:14,900
some right answer, that is 
outside of us that someone else 

182
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:20,000
holds. 
That's why we ask other people. 

183
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:24,200
What do you think I should do? 
What should I do, right? 

184
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,400
We're looking outside. 
Because we think the answer is 

185
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:31,500
there rather than when we get 
quiet and ask, what is it that I

186
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,400
want? 
What is it? 

187
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,200
That I'm afraid of. 
What do I think? 

188
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,800
I will lose or have to give up. 
Is that really true? 

189
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:45,400
Maybe it isn't What would I have
to give up? 

190
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:51,900
If I let go of perfection, if I 
let go of Self Doubt, Who would 

191
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,200
I be? 
Then that can actually be a 

192
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:58,700
scary question because maybe you
don't know, perfectionism can be

193
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:05,200
a really long term partner. 
And it might feel weird when you

194
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,600
get rid of it, kind of like old 
shoes that you have worn a long,

195
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:15,000
long time and even though I've 
got a hole in them, they're not 

196
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,400
really working anymore, there's 
still something comfortable and 

197
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,100
familiar about it. 
So, I've been thinking a lot 

198
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:26,900
lately and what I've been 
sharing with my clients is this 

199
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:33,200
reminder take your dreams 
seriously And face your fears 

200
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:38,400
compassionately. 
Those two things. 

201
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:44,100
If you remember to do that, take
your dream seriously and face 

202
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:50,000
your fears compassionately. 
That's starts to open things up 

203
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:53,500
where you begin to see new 
possibilities. 

204
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:58,900
One other thought I want to 
share about coaching and 

205
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,800
especially the way that I tend 
to work. 

206
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,900
So this is the new manager 
podcast. 

207
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:07,400
I talk a lot about work, I talk 
a lot about what it means to be 

208
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,400
a human who works with other 
humans. 

209
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:16,000
Everyone who comes to me, we 
talked about all of it so the 

210
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,100
challenges that you're having at
work, probably didn't start 

211
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:22,200
there. 
Often it's about patterns, we 

212
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,800
picked up early on in life and 
then work is just where we see 

213
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:32,000
them show up. 
And a lot of times the questions

214
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:38,500
we have about our work and our 
career, really we've in to the 

215
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:43,700
life we want the life, we have 
what's next for us. 

216
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:49,900
So life coaching leadership 
coaching career conversations. 

217
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:57,300
They're all connected. 
Who you are as a person, how you

218
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:01,200
deal with stress, how you deal 
with pressure? 

219
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,700
How you think about who you are 
and what your gifts are, and 

220
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:09,600
what you want to contribute in 
this world through the work that

221
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:15,800
you do. 
All of that shows up in the way 

222
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,100
that you work with others in the
way that you lead in the way 

223
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:24,900
that you manage. 
So I find it to be very valuable

224
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:30,600
to have a space every week. 
Where you have someone whose 

225
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:38,400
professional job is simply to be
there for you to listen to ask 

226
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:44,000
questions and to help you focus 
your attention on what it is 

227
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,600
that you want and what's holding
you back. 

228
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:55,300
Take your dreams seriously and 
face your fears compassionately.

229
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,300
You might be surprised at what 
becomes possible for you when 

230
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,500
you do. 
Thanks so much for listening. 

231
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:11,200
I'll see you next time when 
you're more effective at work, 

232
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:14,500
you're happier in your life. 
And when you're happier in your 

233
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,700
life you're more effective at 
work. 

234
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:21,900
I can help go to my website. 
Kim nickel.com and sign up for a

235
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,900
coaching consult, it can get 
better.