1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,500 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:19,700 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:25,100 I wanted to let you know that I am taking new clients. 5 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,100 So if you want to work with me, go into the show notes, you'll 6 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:34,700 find a link to schedule a consult directly on my calendar. 7 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:44,000 We work together for six months and the reason why Is because 8 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,600 the coaching that we do together is about Shifting. 9 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,100 The way, you're thinking, beginning to see things in a new 10 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:58,000 light and then implementing the Insight on a regular basis. 11 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:03,400 You've had years of building up habits and patterns for how you 12 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:08,000 are at work and how you think of yourself and those habits and 13 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,700 patterns are really familiar. Or so you're going to use them 14 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:17,900 all the time in the work that we do as you're growing in becoming 15 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:21,200 a more effective leader and feeling more authentic. 16 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:26,800 And confident in the way that you work with people, it helps 17 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:31,400 to have a regular touch point every week in order to help 18 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:35,700 establish some new patterns deal with some of the fears that come 19 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:40,600 up and just partner with you through the course of, you know, 20 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,100 six months. Life the highs and the lows of 21 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:47,000 work and life as a human. So that's why I work with my 22 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:51,500 clients that way, I love it, it's really fun to see how you 23 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:57,700 can grow and change and really start to thrive in a new way 24 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,400 through the coaching we do. So if that sounds like something 25 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,900 that you want, then book a consult. 26 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,600 Let's talk about it. All right. 27 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,600 Now let's get on to our episode today. 28 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:15,400 I want to talk With you about three things that I've seen my 29 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,100 clients deal with and I'm guessing that you're going to 30 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:21,100 deal with this to in the course of your life. 31 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:26,500 In the course of your career. They are anxiety, perfectionism 32 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:32,100 and problem-solving. And these are each things that 33 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,100 we tend to use. I think, especially early in our 34 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:38,500 life and early in our career and they can help us become 35 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,100 successful and reach a level of achievement. 36 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:45,300 Which means we're very reluctant to let them go. 37 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:51,900 I had a client years ago and we were working on mindfulness for 38 00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:57,200 her life and for her work and she had this moment where she 39 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:02,300 asked me, but we if I let go of my anxiety, will I stop 40 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:06,700 achieving things? Well, I stopped being productive 41 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,700 and it was this really interesting light bulb moment 42 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:14,500 where she Aged even though she had a lot of anxiety, she was 43 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:20,800 relying on it, she was using it to drive her achievement and to 44 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,700 drive her success. And she had this belief to, 45 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:27,400 like, if I'm anxious, that means I'm doing it, right? 46 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,900 Because everyone around me is also anxious. 47 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,900 Everyone around me, who seems successful, who is working at a 48 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:39,000 higher level. They all seem to be anxious all 49 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:44,500 the time. So, Felt weird to question. 50 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:48,700 Do I even need that anxiety in order to achieve and to 51 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:54,100 accomplish thing as she hadn't really seen someone who could 52 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,900 work at this high level and take on this. 53 00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:01,100 This more successful level in her organization and did it 54 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:04,100 without anxiety. And so that was one of the 55 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:07,700 things, the things we had to unwind and perfectionism to. 56 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,200 So I see this a lot where people will come and they'll say I have 57 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,400 this Perfectionism and it stresses me out and I'm always 58 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,800 worried and I'm always feeling not good enough because nothing 59 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,800 is ever quite perfect enough. But I feel like I need that in 60 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:29,700 order to be successful, if I'm not perfect, if I'm not striving 61 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,800 for Perfection then, doesn't that mean? 62 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:37,000 I'll start slacking off if I'm aiming for Perfection. 63 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,300 Won't that make me detail-oriented? 64 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,400 Won't that make me? And so I can make sure that 65 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:47,200 everything is to the correct and and perfect standard. 66 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:50,300 And what's so interesting? These things often go together 67 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:56,100 and they can be useful, they can fuel success and our Drive in 68 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,400 our motivation. But what tends to happen is 69 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:03,300 that, when you rely on those exclusively that turns into 70 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:08,900 burnout, that turns into rumination where your mind won't 71 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:13,000 stop thinking about how Not good enough and all the things that 72 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:17,600 could go wrong and it actually then starts to undermine our 73 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:22,500 ability to think deeply to take a higher level perspective. 74 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:25,700 It makes us extremely risk of verse. 75 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,900 So then we're afraid of, you know, what will people think if 76 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:34,300 I do something and it's not perfect, we really start to hold 77 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:39,300 ourselves back and when you then become a manager, you end up 78 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:43,600 then holding others. To this exacting standard and 79 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,400 that can have a really kind of crushing effect on how people 80 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,600 feel about, you know, not feeling supported feeling 81 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,900 criticized all the time. If you've ever had a manager who 82 00:05:55,900 --> 00:06:00,700 was highly anxious and highly perfectionistic, it might have 83 00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:04,100 been really challenging my clients that have had this 84 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:06,500 experience. Say, I feel like I can't ever do 85 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,700 anything right. And so why even try nothing I 86 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:13,600 ever do is good enough. So you know my manager, no, only 87 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,300 sees the things I don't do. Well, they never tell me what I 88 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,900 do. That they appreciate, they never 89 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,000 tell me what I do do. Well, they just take that for 90 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,000 granted. And so we want to be really 91 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,000 mindful. We want to be aware of, you know 92 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,800 what your own relationship is to anxiety. 93 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:34,100 And perfectionism, and understand why we might actually 94 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:41,000 choose to continue them even when we don't enjoy them. 95 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:45,700 But if If we perceive them as necessary to success 96 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:51,800 achievement, if we identify with being a hard worker means that 97 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:56,900 I'm anxious and have this exacting perfectionism, that 98 00:06:56,900 --> 00:07:01,300 makes it really difficult to let go of them because then it kind 99 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,800 of threatens, our identity of being a hard worker. 100 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,800 And we think, well, I don't want to be lazy, and I don't want to 101 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:12,100 be, you know, uncaring, you know, we can Of wrap up all 102 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:16,000 these stories into this big jumble and so part of what we 103 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,500 want to do is start to see. Well what is the actual effect? 104 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,400 And is it still something that you want? 105 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,300 Just because it was useful at one stage of your career and of 106 00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:30,000 your life doesn't necessarily mean that it's serving you now 107 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:35,600 and I sometimes think of this like you could fuel your engine 108 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,600 with coal and it will work. It actually works very 109 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,700 effectively. Li like anxiety and 110 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:48,200 perfectionism, it's kind of like coal in the engine definitely 111 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:52,700 can work. But over time there is a cost 112 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,400 that becomes more difficult to extract more costly to run it 113 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,700 ends up, you know, polluting your environment. 114 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:04,500 And what we can do is we can shift that energy source to 115 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:08,700 something that is going to be more sustainable and less 116 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:11,200 costly. So we can switch you to solar. 117 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,400 You can switch you to win, we can switch you to some kind of 118 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,600 combination of things. So you're still able to 119 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,600 accomplish and Achieve but now it's being driven from a 120 00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:24,500 different place. This also connects to 121 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:29,400 problem-solving, so often early in career we think oh I have to 122 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,400 be a great Problem Solver and you know, even separate from 123 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:38,100 career in your own life and especially if you grew up where 124 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,200 maybe your household wasn't super stable. 125 00:08:41,299 --> 00:08:45,400 Able or the adults in your life, or not that reliable or not that 126 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,800 trustworthy or, you know, they were just humans and not fully 127 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,900 present and, you know, they didn't receive the handbook of 128 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:57,500 had a perfectly, be an adult for the particular human that you 129 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:01,000 are, you might have decided early in your life that it's up 130 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,600 to you to solve the problems of other people. 131 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,800 Or it's up to you to solve the problems that you encounter and 132 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,200 you went into this kind of hyper. 133 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:17,200 Problem-solving mode and you might have been rewarded for 134 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,000 being a problem. Solver, whether that meant you 135 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:25,000 were being the Diplomat in your family that D escalated the 136 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:29,800 stress and the tension or in your career being rewarded for 137 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,500 solving problems and doing that quickly now this can sound 138 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,400 really weird but what I want to tell you is that there can be a 139 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:43,500 time when focusing on problem solving Is not actually what is 140 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,300 needed. Now, let me give you a couple of 141 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:49,200 examples. When you become a manager, 142 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,800 sometimes part of your job is to help other people solve. 143 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,500 The problem, you might be able to solve it exactly quickly 144 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,800 easily on your own. But as the manager, your job is 145 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:06,200 actually to coach and manage and train other people so that they 146 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,100 can learn how to do that themselves. 147 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:12,900 When you don't, then you become the bottleneck and you actually 148 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,300 start spending more time in the role of individual contributor 149 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,800 rather than in the role of strategic thinker and decision 150 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:27,400 maker and coach and the one who helps expand the capacity of 151 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,400 other people. Also, when we jump into 152 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:36,000 problem-solving, were often doing that based on our past 153 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,300 experience. And sometimes what is more 154 00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:45,300 valuable is to slow down. On get really curious, do higher 155 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:52,300 level thinking, so strategic thinking rather than reactive in 156 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:55,400 the moment. Let me jump in to solve the 157 00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:00,300 problem and part of the challenge as you go in your 158 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:04,900 career is learning how to discern between when is a 159 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:11,200 problem-solving mindset needed and actually, when is your 160 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:14,700 Isince and your curiosity and slowing down. 161 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:19,000 When is that needed? When is a different skill 162 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,800 needed. So, anxiety, perfectionism, 163 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,100 problem solving. All of these can be very useful 164 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:32,000 but we want to be mindful of when are they not? 165 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,900 When are they getting in the way? 166 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:38,300 And when you start to notice that you're going to want to 167 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:42,800 know how to think differently and you're going to After shift 168 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:47,000 your pattern into something new and this can be uncomfortable. 169 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,000 And this is often where a lot of the coaching happens, which is 170 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,200 let's start to think about what else is possible. 171 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,700 So, here's what I want to offer, three specific qualities or 172 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,900 three specific things you can reach for. 173 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:03,800 Instead, if you notice that your tendency towards anxiety, 174 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,400 perfectionism, and problem-solving tend to be the 175 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:11,000 first or most present things for you. 176 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:17,500 So number one, curiosity curiosity will help you with all 177 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,400 three of these. Actually anxiety comes up when 178 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,800 we're thinking about the future and we have a fear about what 179 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,500 will happen and we have uncertainty and there's you know 180 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:32,400 all the energy and things ayat e starts to go really fast and 181 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:40,400 curiosity will help to slow the Mind down which is helpful 182 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,300 because it Brings you back into the present moment. 183 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:46,300 Like what is it? That we know what is it that we 184 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,200 have tended to? What is the thing? 185 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,900 We actually need to be worried about right now. 186 00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:56,600 Sometimes, our anxiety gets us to solving problems way too 187 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,700 soon. Like you don't need to be 188 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:04,300 worried about that until you reach, you know, so much revenue 189 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:09,100 or until you hire. So many people like, don't don't 190 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,800 be worried about that. Yet. 191 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,700 It's kind of like if you have a kid and you're worried about 192 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:20,700 their college essay or their SAT scores and it's like you don't 193 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,800 need to worry about that. On the day, you bring them home 194 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,900 from the hospital like it's too soon to worry about that. 195 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:29,600 There's a lot of other stuff that we need to focus on First 196 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,700 and actually if we tend to the things in the present, then they 197 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:38,700 can roll into at to reducing Social Challenges about had, but 198 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:43,700 the way we do that is by staying Us by being present because that 199 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:48,900 lets us actually draw in information rather than the 200 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:53,000 speculation that your creative mind will do when we're curious. 201 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:58,500 It opens us up to receive more information more perspective, it 202 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:04,800 lets us kind of slow down so we can get better thinking, more 203 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:10,100 perspective, more information and I found two that when we've 204 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,600 been driving our success with anxiety, and we think my gosh, 205 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,800 but if I don't have the anxiety, Then, won't I start slacking 206 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,100 off. The answer is no, because you 207 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,500 are a curious, humid, and you are just interested. 208 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,500 You are really interested. And I wonder what would happen 209 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,700 if I got to make those kinds of decisions? 210 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:33,100 I wonder what would happen if we did it this way? 211 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:37,600 I wonder if there's an easier and more effective and efficient 212 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,000 way to accomplish this, the Curiosity. 213 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:46,400 Is a powerful engine. It's a powerful driver but it 214 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:52,600 requires us to step out of the anxiety so that we can kind of 215 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,100 sink into and Savor that Curiosity that doesn't feel 216 00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:05,200 tightly wound but instead just feels interested and open and 217 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:09,500 creative. So with perfectionism, what will 218 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:16,900 help there Is also the Curiosity of this time, asking, I wonder 219 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:20,400 what's really required here? If you've ever heard some, you 220 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,500 know that phrase done is better than perfect. 221 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:29,200 When perfectionism gets to kind of controlling and the way that 222 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,200 we're thinking about it, we it can end up causing delay, delay, 223 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,300 delay delay because nothing is ever perfect. 224 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,600 And what also happens is, you prevent yourself from learning 225 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,100 So if we say OK, Perfection might not be the goal. 226 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:47,800 What if learning was the goal? What if the way we improve? 227 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,700 Is actually, by discovering where the gaps are? 228 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,700 And the only way we're going to do that is by letting things 229 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:58,500 move forward imperfectly. So, bringing the Curiosity into 230 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:03,300 the room, asking yourself, what is truly required here? 231 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,600 What is really the level we need to solve for here? 232 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,000 What are the specific requirements? 233 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,500 It's that are needed here and tending to those letting go of 234 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:21,300 the perfectionism because you can let detail-oriented be 235 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:27,100 driven by that Clarity. The Curiosity of what actually 236 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:31,200 needs to be addressed here. And when you realize, Well when 237 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,600 things don't go quite right, that's actually the most 238 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:39,100 valuable information, you can get because it it gives you real 239 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:46,100 feedback, gives you real A not simply speculative data, right? 240 00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,800 So getting out of the hyper-vigilance because 241 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,400 hyper-vigilance is often from this place of, I need to make 242 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:58,000 sure that nothing goes wrong when we have Clarity with some 243 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,800 curiosity, we think well there's probably going to be something 244 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,300 that goes wrong that I'm not actually thinking about or 245 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:08,000 something that goes wrong in a way that I, you know, I was 246 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:12,200 expecting but not in this exact way or Just understanding. 247 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,300 Okay, this part might not go exactly to plan or kind of 248 00:17:16,308 --> 00:17:18,700 expecting that there's a likelihood, that could happen. 249 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:23,200 So, here's how we'll address that if that comes up that 250 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:29,400 Clarity and that Curiosity can be a lot more effective than 251 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,500 kind of the straitjacket perfectionism. 252 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,700 Where nothing feels good enough and everything feels like, you 253 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:39,500 know, just feels heavy rather than understanding. 254 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,400 Okay. We're going Do it in this way. 255 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,600 I'm not going to be perfect about it and that's actually 256 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,400 great because that's the only way I'll get the learning and 257 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,300 the information. And this also, when you're in a 258 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:56,400 leadership role, the way that you model this for others 259 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,900 becomes really valuable. Because what can happen is that 260 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,900 when your team thinks, oh my gosh, my boss needs everything 261 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,700 to be perfect, one of the downsides to that is that people 262 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:11,000 start to hide. They stop asking for support. 263 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:14,500 Port, they start to hide problems, which means they don't 264 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,800 surface, until they've really escalated and become bigger. 265 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,900 So when you have the mentality, not so much. 266 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,000 We're going for a perfect but let's get clear about what the 267 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,000 standard is, what we need to do to reach it. 268 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:33,000 And then what happens, if something goes a bit sideways or 269 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,900 something, isn't quite there, what do we do about that? 270 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:40,600 Then it can actually create more open lines of communication and 271 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:45,100 it can Create a mindset of learning and a culture of 272 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,200 learning. And when you have people that 273 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:52,500 are really self-driven, and that know that it's safe to learn. 274 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,300 That's amazing, like, that's great. 275 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:59,700 That also gets you better information because you have all 276 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:03,800 of these mines that are working towards learning and Improvement 277 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,200 and that aren't feeling like it's a penalty. 278 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,700 Like absence of perfection becomes a penalty. 279 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:17,200 So Clarity, curiosity can help as kind of an antidote or kind 280 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:22,400 of help you to to, you know, adjust the perfectionism dial 281 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:26,700 and then with problem solving remembering that sometimes 282 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:30,600 presence and that Curiosity, and that Clarity that actually 283 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,800 becomes more valuable, that helps you to slow down. 284 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,600 It helps you to think better. It helps you to get out of the 285 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,800 rushing reactive. Like need to be right? 286 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:47,400 It's all on me mentality, and it gets you more into. 287 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:53,800 Let me bring a higher quality of attention into the situation. 288 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,900 Let me understand on a deeper level, what's going on? 289 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:02,200 Let me bring my presence here rather than my problem solving 290 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,300 and I'll just add that in your personal life as well presents 291 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:13,800 over problem-solving can be an Terribly effective way to 292 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:19,800 deepen, trust help people, and create a better relationship 293 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,200 with others. So, that's a, should be like, a 294 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,800 whole different conversation. But all I just want to leave you 295 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:32,600 with is just the note that in your relationships with others, 296 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,300 even outside of work. Remember sometimes presence over 297 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:40,400 problem. Solving is what helps it's like 298 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,400 when you go into Problem solving mode with someone part of your 299 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,900 attention, leaves, the room. And sometimes the most helpful 300 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:51,100 thing you can do with someone is simply remain with them, stay 301 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:54,500 present with them. You might be surprised that they 302 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:59,100 can solve their own problem or it might simply be something 303 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:03,800 that is like an unsolvable conundrum, the situation that 304 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,600 they simply need to be with and deal with that doesn't have like 305 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,600 a solution. It's just and here it is, but 306 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:17,400 I'm going to be with you through this challenge so that is what I 307 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,100 wanted to share with you today. Watch out for anxiety. 308 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:26,300 Perfectionism and problem solving, they are things that we 309 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:29,800 sometimes learn and that we over rely on. 310 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,900 We think our success is dependent upon them, which then 311 00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:36,300 makes us reluctant to give them up. 312 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:40,900 So I want to offer to you that you can experience success. 313 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:46,500 And achievement without being driven by those qualities. 314 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,600 Instead, you want to cultivate your presence. 315 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:54,600 You want to cultivate your curiosity, you want to ask for 316 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,300 clarity. And when you do all of these, 317 00:21:57,300 --> 00:22:01,000 what happens is, you start to feel more calm in your life 318 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:05,100 because you feel more equipped. And when you feel more calm, and 319 00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:08,700 when you feel more equipped, then you have this kind of 320 00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:14,500 authentic. Since that simply emerges, it's 321 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,700 not performative, it's just like who you are, it's who you're 322 00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:21,600 being. When you're present, curious, 323 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,600 clear, and calm. So fascinating. 324 00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:28,100 So that's what I wanted to share with you today. 325 00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:31,600 Thank you so much for listening. I hope you have an amazing week 326 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:39,800 and I'll talk to you next time if you know, it's time to level 327 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:44,100 up, but you feel Really your perfectionism Self Doubt and 328 00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:47,700 uncertainty getting in the way then come work with me. 329 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,600 We'll have six months of one-on-one coaching and it all 330 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:57,900 starts by going to my website, chemicalguys.com coaching and 331 00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:01,700 joining my waitlist talk to you soon.