1
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,280
Welcome to the new Manager 
podcast. 

2
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:15,960
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

3
00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,480
I'm glad you're here, and I hope
you're doing well. 

4
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,880
You know, I've been thinking a 
lot about how much 

5
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,800
responsibility sits on a 
manager's shoulders. 

6
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:31,240
And that's everything from 
expecting to just know how to do

7
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:35,120
the job even though maybe 
there's no guidance or no no 

8
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:41,560
resources or training, as well 
as all of the pressure to take 

9
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,840
care of your team. 
I've been seeing some reports 

10
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:51,800
and articles, you know, floating
across my feed lately about how 

11
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:58,840
much a person's direct manager 
will affect their emotional 

12
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,840
well-being and mental health. 
That if that relationship isn't 

13
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:09,520
good, it can have really adverse
effects on somebody. 

14
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:13,080
Because, you know, your manager 
is someone who has power over 

15
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,800
you. 
You often work closely with them

16
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,640
and the relationship will have a
strong influence on how somebody

17
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,880
is feeling. 
And that can be a lot to to 

18
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,280
carry, you know, especially a 
person who cares deeply about 

19
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,600
how people are doing and you 
want them to be doing well and 

20
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:36,560
you want to be doing a good job.
So I just wanted to name that. 

21
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,640
And, you know, it's kind of 
informing what I wanted to focus

22
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:46,400
on for today, which is to be 
easy on yourself. 

23
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,560
Specifically. 
I'm thinking of this in terms 

24
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:54,600
of, you know, having this 
generosity of spirit, of being 

25
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,760
easy, of being patient with 
yourself as you're learning. 

26
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:03,760
What does it look like to be 
really effective in managing 

27
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:08,520
this particular group of people,
of working with this particular 

28
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,240
set of personalities, even of 
working? 

29
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,760
You know, maybe in this 
particular environment, you 

30
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:21,040
know, sometimes the challenges 
that we encounter in leadership 

31
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,240
are not necessarily directly 
about the individual humans, but

32
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:30,600
it's more taking into account 
the broader environment in which

33
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,440
you're working. 
Maybe your organization is going

34
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:37,160
through some big changes, some 
shake UPS. 

35
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,800
Either you know, different 
leaders coming in or moving out,

36
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,760
or some reorganization 
happening, or there might be 

37
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,200
anxiety around budget challenges
coming. 

38
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:53,040
Or, you know, literally like the
the physical environment in 

39
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:59,040
which you're working might be 
affecting your team's ability to

40
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:03,480
work well together. 
And so, you know, in in light of

41
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:07,640
all of that, realizing that, you
know, sometimes the things that 

42
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,200
are hard, it's like, yeah, they 
are hard. 

43
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,080
We can just kind of rest in the 
acknowledgement. 

44
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:17,840
Like, Oh yes, like I can see 
very clearly what some of these 

45
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:22,440
challenges are are coming from. 
So this idea of being easy on 

46
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:27,480
yourself, and it's important 
because one thing I've noticed, 

47
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,600
you know, both in my own life 
and also in the coaching I do 

48
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,640
and in the teaching I do, is 
that when you're hard on 

49
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,880
yourself, it makes it harder to 
learn. 

50
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,280
When you have that internal 
judgment or that internal 

51
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,880
perfectionist that's saying 
things like, why is this hard 

52
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,680
for you? 
You're a smart person. 

53
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,720
You should have figured this out
by now. 

54
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,200
You know, why is this difficult?
When you have that soundtrack 

55
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,400
running in the background, it 
makes it harder to actually be 

56
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,120
curious. 
It makes it harder to try things

57
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,080
when you're afraid of making a 
mistake or you're afraid of 

58
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,400
getting something wrong. 
And when you're also feeling 

59
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:12,000
that pressure, it's also easy to
then overlook the things that 

60
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,920
are working. 
You know, it's easy to 

61
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:19,440
undervalue the things that you 
are doing well. 

62
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,720
And we want to train your 
attention to look for those 

63
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,800
little glimmers because there's 
often a lot we can learn from 

64
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,880
those. 
And that's also part of what 

65
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,960
will help light the way as you 
continue to learn. 

66
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:40,320
How can I best support these 
specific humans in this specific

67
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,040
time in this specific 
organization? 

68
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,400
You know, there's a a lot of 
levels of relationships 

69
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:52,000
interacting and, you know, 
responding to one another like 

70
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,920
you're, you're a dynamic human. 
You work with dynamic humans in 

71
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,440
a very dynamic world. 
So things can be in motion or 

72
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:04,600
changing a lot. 
So if you have this fear of 

73
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,400
making a mistake, of doing 
things wrong, if you're being 

74
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:13,440
hard on yourself, you'll be less
likely to try new things. 

75
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,720
You'll be less likely to speak 
up. 

76
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,720
You'll be less likely to, you 
know, simply be curious because 

77
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:27,320
curiosity needs the space to not
know and maybe be wrong because 

78
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:32,000
that's how you'll learn things. 
So what I wanted to encourage 

79
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:36,640
you to do this week, and this is
kind of good practice, you know,

80
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,880
no, no matter what else is going
on. 

81
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:43,120
But this week, in that sense of 
being a little easy on yourself,

82
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,400
being a little gentle with your 
learning, I'd invite you to 

83
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,560
reflect on and think about 
what's one thing that's going 

84
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,000
well right now. 
And then when you have that, 

85
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:01,040
think about one thing that is 
vexing you. 

86
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,240
There might be a lot of things 
that are vexing you right now, 

87
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,760
but for the moment, just choose 
one. 

88
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:14,040
When we start to focus in on the
one, that also helps to relieve 

89
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:19,000
that feeling of overwhelm when 
things feel so big and it's like

90
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,960
every challenge is actually 
connected to three other 

91
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,920
challenges, and it can just feel
very unwieldly. 

92
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:30,120
So for now, just choose one 
thing that's vexing you and to 

93
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:35,240
the best of your ability, 
describe it as simply and 

94
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:41,640
precisely as you can. 
So contain it, rather than 

95
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,160
letting the story about 
explaining it, you know, spin 

96
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,880
out into all these different 
threads. 

97
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:52,080
Just describe the thing that's 
vexing you in as simple and 

98
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:58,840
precise language as you can. 
And then ask yourself, what do I

99
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,640
think should be happening right 
now? 

100
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,280
Because often when we're feeling
frustrated, it's because we have

101
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:09,360
an idea of how things should be,
and then the reality is not 

102
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,800
meeting that and it can feel so 
frustrating. 

103
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,920
So let's get clear on that 
picture. 

104
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:19,240
What is it that you think should
be happening right now? 

105
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,280
And then you can ask, OK, so now
what are some of my ideas about 

106
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,040
why that's not happening? 
And we've talked about this in 

107
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,640
some other episodes, right? 
Looking at not just the person, 

108
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,240
right? 
That's the easy thing is to say 

109
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,240
it's just this person, their 
personality, it's their 

110
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,000
attitude. 
OK. 

111
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,720
I mean, that's that's one 
particular direction. 

112
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,480
But let's think more 
generatively. 

113
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,760
So is that a process issue? 
Is it a tools issue? 

114
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:54,480
Is it a maybe a resource issue 
or something happening in the 

115
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,360
environment or in the systems we
use? 

116
00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:05,680
Like what is it that I think is 
in play that is making it not go

117
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,640
the way I want to? 
Like what could that be? 

118
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:13,320
And in the process of exploring 
that, of being curious about, 

119
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,480
OK, I thought it would be like 
this. 

120
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,120
It's actually like this. 
What are the reasons that might 

121
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:23,000
explain that differential? 
What will happen is you'll also 

122
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:30,840
start to uncover assumptions and
hidden beliefs and maybe the 

123
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:36,600
real issue that's underneath. 
So for example, I was actually 

124
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:41,159
riding the bus a little while 
ago and I heard this woman 

125
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,680
talking with some colleagues on 
the bus and she was saying, oh, 

126
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:49,320
I felt so frustrated because my 
manager said that I didn't train

127
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,720
the team to do this thing, so 
they're doing it wrong. 

128
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,560
But I did train them. 
I spent 4 hours explaining to 

129
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,120
them exactly how to do it and 
they're not doing it. 

130
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,720
And I listened to her and I just
thought, Oh my gosh, I totally 

131
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,920
get it right. 
Like what she thought would 

132
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,720
happen was I will train you for 
four hours and then they will 

133
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,880
simply execute the training. 
They will simply, you know, go 

134
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,840
right ahead and do it. 
And it wasn't happening. 

135
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,880
And I thought, Oh my gosh. 
She's probably holding some 

136
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,480
assumptions that in order to 
create the behavior change in 

137
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:26,480
the team, all that's required is
1/4 hour live training, when 

138
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,360
actually maybe there's more to 
it. 

139
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,360
Maybe it's about creating 
documentation. 

140
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,600
Maybe it's about talking through
what is the new process. 

141
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:41,640
Maybe it's about designing the 
next steps after the training to

142
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:48,560
help build in the muscle memory 
so that you're able to make that

143
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:53,280
clear transition from I, you 
know, I'm, I'm a passive 

144
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:58,640
recipient of the training to an 
active practitioner of doing 

145
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,400
things in this new way, right? 
And it was, you know, so those 

146
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,200
are the kinds of situations it's
hard to hear because when you're

147
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,760
in it, you know, you're so in it
and it seems so obvious. 

148
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,000
And yet the blind spots can be 
really significant, and it can 

149
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,600
be hard to see until you 
actually ask the question. 

150
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,560
What am I assuming would happen 
and why? 

151
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:25,200
And if I'm not seeing the 
outcome I wanted, maybe I'm 

152
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,560
holding some hidden assumptions,
or I've got a certain belief of 

153
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,640
how people are supposed to be. 
Maybe we're making assumptions 

154
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:37,920
based on how I would do it, you 
know, like I designed the 

155
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:42,960
training for them, you know, in 
the way that I would learn and 

156
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,840
practice. 
And I'm just, I'm astonished 

157
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,120
that people haven't simply taken
the initiative and, you know, 

158
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,120
they're not owning it. 
Like, there are all these 

159
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,520
different ways we can think 
about it. 

160
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,440
But when we start to then 
uncover some of those 

161
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,320
assumptions and we start to see,
oh, maybe I have a hidden belief

162
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,720
here. 
Maybe the real issue is actually

163
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,800
something else. 
Then we can start to identify 

164
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,600
different options to move 
forward. 

165
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:12,040
And when you have different 
options to move forward, then 

166
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:17,080
choose one. 
Don't imagine all of them and 

167
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,680
try to do them all, but say, oh,
you know what? 

168
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:24,160
I wonder if it could be this. 
And then take a small step with 

169
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,040
that choice, addressing that one
thing. 

170
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,680
And what I like about this 
approach, number one, is it 

171
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,920
allows you to be really easy on 
yourself because it's not about 

172
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,160
being right or being wrong. 
It's just like, OK, I thought 

173
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,920
this would go this way and it's 
not. 

174
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:43,200
Let's try to understand, like, 
what am I not seeing or what 

175
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,760
else might be happening here 
that I'm not understanding? 

176
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:50,120
OK, cool. 
So now what might I do to create

177
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,760
the change or create the outcome
I want? 

178
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:59,120
It allows us to stay more 
actively engaged without feeling

179
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,720
beat up or feeling like it's a 
heavy, heavy lift. 

180
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:08,040
And it allows us to address 
something in a bite sized way, 

181
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:13,200
which gets us moving faster, 
which gets us learning more 

182
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:17,320
quickly. 
And all of that becomes more 

183
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:22,040
useful than feeling, you know, 
overwhelmed or feeling like, you

184
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,360
know, I don't know where to 
start. 

185
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:27,600
So, you know, this idea of of 
being easy on oneself is not 

186
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,520
about gosh, like being 
complacent or not caring. 

187
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,040
It's more about, you know, I 
think if I approach it in this 

188
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,840
way with a little more 
gentleness to myself and if I 

189
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,240
kind of just acknowledge, you 
know, being human is hard 

190
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,160
sometimes. 
Working with humans definitely 

191
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:48,640
challenging sometimes and it's a
puzzle and I can, you know, 

192
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,400
figure this out and let's just 
take some small bites and some 

193
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:57,280
small steps here that can often 
do so much more for our feeling 

194
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:02,040
of making progress and of 
learning and a really developing

195
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,280
your own leadership skills and 
abilities. 

196
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,360
And remember, you know, the 
first thing that we did before 

197
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:13,480
going into that path of inquiry 
was looking at what's going 

198
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,280
well. 
We want to practice noticing and

199
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,960
looking for those glimmers and 
those signals. 

200
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,400
We don't want to become so 
focused on the the vexing part 

201
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,760
that we lose sight of the things
that are going well. 

202
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,560
So that is what I wanted to 
offer to you today. 

203
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,960
I have to say, I'm also, I think
we're just about halfway through

204
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,960
the group class that I'm 
teaching right now on 

205
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:45,120
communication strategies and I'm
really enjoying it. 

206
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:51,680
It's so cool to have a longer 
format, a more space to teach 

207
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:57,160
and to connect with my students 
and to see them connect with 

208
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:02,160
each other and to see how many 
people are facing really common 

209
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:06,800
situations, even if they're in 
very different industries, You 

210
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,040
know? 
I mean, managing humans has some

211
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,720
common threads no matter what 
industry you're in, no matter 

212
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,000
what kind of organization you 
work in. 

213
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,320
I mean, humans are human and the
ways that we can step on each 

214
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,640
other's toes or just get 
confused about how to do it well

215
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:28,160
are are very similar. 
So I'm really enjoying that. 

216
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:32,720
And the next class, the, the 
next time that class will be 

217
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,040
offered will be in the new year.
So be sure that you get on the 

218
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,520
list to receive the announcement
for that. 

219
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:45,320
And also in the meantime, on 
November 1st, I'm teaching a 

220
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,960
class. 
It's a lightning lesson. 

221
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:51,600
So it's just a 45 minute class 
and it's on essential skills for

222
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,920
new managers. 
And in that one we're going to 

223
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,400
talk about like where to start. 
You know, there's a lot to learn

224
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,840
when you're a new manager. 
It can be very overwhelming. 

225
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,280
So to reduce the overwhelm, we 
need to focus on the essentials.

226
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,200
So I'll talk to you about that. 
We're also going to just 

227
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,200
acknowledge what is it that no 
one told you about being a 

228
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,160
manager. 
A lot of things are assumed and 

229
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,680
sometimes it's more helpful to 
be very clear. 

230
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,080
So we'll talk about that. 
And I'm also going to talk about

231
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,160
how to add the K for yourself, 
especially around professional 

232
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,040
development. 
So that lightning lesson is 

233
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,160
happening on Friday, November 
1st. 

234
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,320
I will put the link to sign up 
in the show notes and I would 

235
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,760
love to see you there. 
It's going to be a lot of fun 

236
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,720
and it's just another way to 
connect with me in a class live 

237
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:47,160
before the the bigger class 
happens in the new year. 

238
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,000
So that is what I have for you 
today. 

239
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,320
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for being here, and I 

240
00:15:53,320 --> 00:16:00,960
hope you have a great week. 
When you're more effective at 

241
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,520
work, you're happier in your 
life, and when you're happier in

242
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,760
your life, you're more effective
at work. 

243
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,920
I can help. 
Go to my website, kimnickel.com 

244
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,280
and sign up for a coaching 
consult. 

245
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,040
It can get better.