Welcome. To the New Manager Podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
As we begin today, I want to ask you what does self-care look
like for you? Think about.
That just for a moment, and you can even think about it in a
very short. Term timeline.
So just for today, what does self-care look like?
Where does that show up? In the course of the week, what
does self-care look like? Where does it show up?
And if you are asking yourself why are we even talking about
this right now, I want to first be glad that you're here.
Because this is. Actually a very important topic
when it comes to being a manager and being a leader and if you
are someone who is really committed to doing a great job
at work. And you put people first.
Like you're often more worried about how other.
People are doing than yourself especially.
If you are in any kind of purpose driven organization, or
you are. Working to make things.
Somehow better in the bigger world, in your community, in
your industry and the collective, it is so easy to
overlook how you are. Doing yourself also if you.
Have any kind of background that required you to?
TuneIn to others. And manage their emotions and
put, you know, kind of prioritize the the people.
Around you. In order to create a feeling of
safety for yourself such that you either have this past.
Experience of either dissociating or simply kind of
numbing out or overlooking your own needs and preferences and
desires. Then this can also feel like a
weird. Question when we ask about
yourself care but it. Becomes really important and so
I wanted to take some time today to talk with you about.
This and bring this into the active conversation around what
it means to be a new manager, what it means to be a leader and
especially. A human centered leader.
I don't always talk about that here.
But it's underlying everything that I teach and share, which is
the perspective that. Human centered leadership is
about remembering the humanity and the humanness through which
you're making decisions about how you lead.
Your team about how you manage the challenges that come up and
that includes you your own humanness, which.
Also expands beyond your specific functional work role.
And it even extends beyond your career and your professional
life. I often think of our career.
And our work life as one venue or one place that you are.
Experiencing and expressing yourself in your life and in the
world and the workplace is an important place.
It's a place that can be, at its best, collaborative.
And generative and creative and there is a lot that we can do
together that we. Don't get to experience when
we're isolated or. Solo or completely separate from
There's actually a lot. That can be gained when we work
together. At its best, that's what I see
career and workplace. As being at its worst.
Of course, things can be very toxic.
And draining and extractive and exploitive And not fun at all
but this. Is why I think it's important to
look through this lens of what does.
Human centered leadership Mean and then looking today at this
question of self-care. And bringing that into how you
think about your experience at work and the way that you lead
people. So one thing I've been doing
this year is I have been the coach creating and supporting a
self-care program within the Cartier Women's Initiative.
And if you don't know about the Cartier?
Women's Initiative. I encourage you to check them
out. They are an incredible program
that supports women impact entrepreneurs all around the
world. And they run a, you know, a
program, a fellowship for this cohort of.
You know, women impact entrepreneurs every year and
they're doing a lot of great work to support.
You know, people who are. Doing meaningful and important
work in the world, right? Just like you.
Like I I. Always assume that if.
You are listening to this podcast.
It's because. Number one, you care about
people. You care about doing a great job
as a manager for the people that you work with.
And you're also aware. Of and thinking about how the
work that you do in the world ripples out in a positive way.
And makes a difference. And so one of the things that
I've observed, you know, and just really.
Have been spending a lot of my time and my work around is in
noticing what happens when we take time to include self-care
as part of. Being an effective leader and
being an effective manager. So here are some things I wanted
to share. One is that simply connection.
Connection in your life is a powerful.
Form of self-care. In that one it starts to reduce
anxiety. Anxiety tends to go up as.
We start to feel more isolated or disconnected.
What's really interesting is when we connect with others, we.
Don't even need to have solved. Or found a solution to whatever
challenges we're. Facing there will always.
Be different kinds of challenges that are happening in your work
life. And in the workplace and with
your team and and even in the bigger world.
And sometimes we think I can't feel better until I solve for
all of that. And that's a lot.
And some of those things are not things that have necessarily.
Solutions per se, like we can solve for this once and it's
done forever. It's more like we need to think
about how do we live. With and manage and be in
relationship with the with these kinds of challenges.
O for example in the workplace. Think about hiring.
When you hire someone, there's the challenge of thinking
through how do we write? This job description How do we?
Attract and get this job description in front of a
diverse and powerful. Set of candidates How do we
phrase the job? Description in a way that
people. Will not self select out.
And hold themselves back from even applying.
How do we then? Interview people.
How do we make decisions about who?
We will bring into the team and then how do we on board them.
So we create an experience that makes it easy for them to join
and activate and connect and become, you know, very engaged
and active participants and contributors as quickly as
possible. That's the kind of business
challenge that you will never solve in that it will never be
done. You will always be learning how
to do it better and you know what isn't working and part of
the the. Continuous learning is because
of the humanity. Because of the human part, you
might have a really clear process.
That works for one kind of human.
One of the things I've been seeing in my work lately that
really gives me a great feeling in my own heart is how many
people are now asking themselves questions like.
How can we be more, you know, inclusive in our hiring
processes? Like how?
Can we design this hiring process to work with?
Neurodiverse people so for. Example I'm seeing that people
you know hiring like I want to say hiring hiring people that
you know the when you're in the position to influence and make
decisions about how do we. Hire One specific thing I'm
seeing more of in the space is giving.
The candidates, the questions ahead of time and the thinking
is, you know, we don't want to kind of ambush or surprise
people with the. We want to do what we can to
reduce the anxiety. So that we can have a more, you
know, like a more effective conversation about who they are
and what is the work they've done and what, you know, who are
we and what is the work that we're doing so we can actually
find a good fit because we realized.
Oh, not everyone is good in that kind of situation and that kind
of pressure. And you know, especially if the
job is not about hey. Answer answer these questions
under pressure immediately, like, you know, we we start to
get really curious about what are we.
Actually trying to accomplish here, what are the?
Ways we're doing that and is there a way to do it better?
So there's this. Continuous learning that is
always happening. And that is why.
You know, we want to have this awareness of self-care.
In the picture, because some things will not be, you know,
like solve to completion, never have to look at that again.
Most things actually are more about this iterative
relationship, where you're learning and implementing and
adjusting continuously, and if that starts to feel at all.
Overwhelming or you start to feel disappointed.
Just realize that walking is the same way, right?
Like when you take a step, you're.
Continuously, you know, sensing the changing environment around
you. You're taking an account of what
kind of shoes you're wearing, what kind of terrain you're on,
and you're making these little adjustments all the time.
It doesn't have to feel laborious or difficult.
It just becomes a way that you do things.
I mean, even breathing is kind of like that.
Every breath the. Inhale and the exhale might be
different volumes. You know, sometimes we breathe
really shallow. Sometimes we take really big
luxurious breaths. But we're not, you know, we're
not trying to solve it in our mind first of, OK, I'm going to
breathe in for exactly this much and then out for exactly this
much. I mean, we do that sometimes as
an intentional practice to calm and ground and shift how we're.
Feeling, but it is always happening in the moment this
very. Organic adjustment and you know,
changing as you go. So coming back to, you know this
thought, the conversation of self-care and leadership and
connection. So when we find connection that
can serve to reduce. The anxiety without having
solved for the. Things that you look at as.
Creating your anxiety. Let me see if I can say this
another way, because I think this is really important if
you're feeling anxious or worried or stressed or.
Overwhelmed about things that are happening at work?
You don't need to solve for all of.
Those challenges in order to start feeling grounded, capable
and competent and confident, you can actually start to feel
better through. Connection 1st and this is also
really good. To know about yourself if you
are highly self. Reliant if you have.
Like a can do, I can do it. I don't need anybody.
Attitude. You know there are times when
that spirit and ability to be self.
Reliant is really an asset and then there are times when it
will get in your way, so you want to be able to discern and
be clear about how you. Are in relationship to that.
So connection can help reduce anxiety it also.
Becomes a way to normalize the challenges that you face.
So one thing that's really interesting Every time I I teach
a group, whether it was. This, this one that I was doing
with the women impact entrepreneurs or whether.
It's when I'm teaching my group for new managers.
What's so cool is that. When people gather and
especially. When you're in different
industries and when you're in different companies or different
organizations and you start talking and sharing about the
challenges that you're facing. It begins to normalize them
because you realize, oh, it's not just me, it's not just me.
It might just be oh, this is. Really common as a human.
This is really common at this stage in my career journey.
Oh, this is really common in this kind of organization, like
in the size of this. Organization and so when we
start to normalize the the challenges that also.
Creates a feeling of connection. And it eases anxiety.
It also has this effect of. Helping you to feel.
Seen, accepted and heard there are.
So many ways that we. Like Micro Mask in the
workplace, you know, especially if you're very concerned about
how people are. Perceiving you if you are
wanting to come across and be seen in a certain way.
And there's a lot of. Kind of guardedness and a lot of
micro masking that you'll do. And you may be so good at it.
That you don't even realize how often you do this, right?
Sometimes you actually are very aware of it, because it starts
to. Feel tiring and exhausting and
heavy that. When you're able to step out of
that environment and then connect with others and begin to
feel. Like, oh, it's not just me.
Some of these things are very normal, are very common, and you
have this space where you can feel seen and accepted and
uplifted in that. That's often a very natural
consequence. And what's so incredible is it?
Happened so fast and I've seen this over and over again.
So as the group gathers and people start to see each other,
it's like, oh hi, Oh my gosh, it was so good to see you.
How are? You doing there is a.
Real connection to the humanity and the humanness of a person as
opposed to their title or role or.
Relationship to you. I think This is why when you
know like like what I. Have seen as you're going
through your career. Journey and you're looking for
guidance and learning how to get better at.
At managing people and what does it mean and you know how do you
measure success and and all of these these.
Questions that I see come into play when we hit these different
stages of career. And life.
I think that's why. That begins to happen, like as
those questions come in. Then there's this connection
that happens outside of the. Organization that you're in.
That creates more of that feeling of connection and ease
and feeling uplifted and feeling accepted and feeling seen.
It's amazing how quickly that happens because we're so.
Often influenced by the environment that's around us,
our working environment for sure, but also that internal
mindset environment, the voice inside your head that is
narrating to you all the time, whether you know are you doing a
good job or not. That is an internal voice that
the more you get aware of it. And a handle on it, the more you
can not be kind of at the mercy of it, which is something that
comes up a lot when I'm working with my clients one-on-one and
and in Group 2 to some extent. So what then happens when you
have that connection, especially in a group of peers where
you're? Starting to ease that anxiety?
Normalize some of the challenges.
You start to feel more seen and accepted.
You start to feel a little. Bit more uplifted a little.
Bit more aware of your. Own strengths and qualities as
you begin to really cultivate. And anchor into a feeling of
internal safety. Now, I've seen a lot of
conversations in, you know, the workplace space.
About creating psychological safety, right?
With your team and within your culture, I really care about.
Creating more safety inside of you as an individual person,
because the more that you do that number one, the better.
For you. And again, we're talking about
human centered leadership. So it starts with.
You and let's create more safety for you.
And then from that place you'll be able.
To lead in a way that creates more safety for others.
So it becomes this very internally generated and then
it's like this force of influence that you bring into
the world through you, through the way.
That you're being and the way that you handle things, and that
I think is one of the most valuable perspectives that you.
Can have because you. You know, if you only depend on
the external conditions and circumstances for that.
Internal feeling of safety. That's a really hard place to
be. Because then you're kind of at
the mercy of all these things outside of you.
But instead we work to create. More of that feeling of safety
that you. Already have on the inside, and
sometimes it's a lot easier to get that outside.
Of your organization. You know, for so many reasons,
but like, that's part of what? Connection can do, and that's
part of self-care. I was.
Chatting with one of the students in this group and you
know when I asked her So what does self-care look?
For you, right now, you know what?
What have you been practicing for your self-care?
And what she said was, I've been being more patient with myself.
That was it. She's like.
I have been being more patient. You know, I used to be really
self. Judgy and would kind of guilt
myself, but how? I wasn't doing enough and I've
just decided I'm going to be more patient with myself.
And I asked her. You know, OK.
So how's that? Going what is the effect of
that? And she said, well, it.
Actually it's really nice. Like I just.
I feel more relaxed and being more patient with myself and as
a result I'm also being more patient with my team.
I feel. I'm also being more patient with
my family and you know, and as a result of.
That things are happening faster and more easily.
It's so interesting and I love. It like I love it every time I
see. This shift, this awareness of
oh. It actually is is good on so
many. There is actually a very
positive ripple effect from one small shift from 1:00.
Perspective shift and I often. Teach this as the to be list
right like you're being drives, you're doing and we can get so
overwhelmed by all of the things to.
Do that we forget to to look at like who are you being as you
are doing those things and so you can choose one word.
One thing I I want to be patient.
Start with myself and then let. That ripple out and.
This is also where you learn to discern the difference between
patients and, for example, not having boundaries or being a.
Pushover or letting people walk all over you?
Those are not the same thing. At all, and often when we get
more, you know of the. Of the patients first.
It then makes it so much. Easier to have the hard
conversations. To set the boundaries.
To do all of these things without beating up on yourself
or without coming from a. Highly reactive place, so you
know for. Today I just wanted to share
with you the idea that self-care is very much a part of the
conversation around. How do you be an effective
manager and what does it mean to practice human centered
leadership? I'll be talking about that more
because I've been thinking about it, you know, in many other ways
quite recently and I want you to.
Have access to more of this as well.
It makes such a difference in the way that you work and the
way that you experience your work.
Your life, yourself and your career.
So that is what I wanted to share with you today.
I also want to invite you. If this is something that you're
like, that sounds awesome, but. Like how do I do that?
That's what I work on with my clients, number one, and we can
do that together in two. I have a group program that is
opening in September. Application window is currently
open, so you can. Register or sign up for that.
You can do that now and we'll start in September.
And the other way that you can work with me is one-on-one and
if you're not sure, like. How does it work with?
Which one do I do Then talk to me, get some time on my
calendar. It's in the show notes and we
can walk through the options and come to which one is best.
For you based on. What your goals are?
How you like to learn and just you know what what else is
happening in your life right now?
But I want to. Help you with this.
You do not have to do this alone.
You can actually do it better and faster and have a lot more
fun with it. When you get some support, if
you like, there's enough you have to figure out on your own.
And why not? Come into this program and you
can. Get support that's already
provided and designed. To to like help you get to where
you want to be. So that is what I wanted to
share with you today. Thank you so much for listening.
I'm so glad you're. Here and I will talk to you next
time. Hey, before you go, if you like
this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what
has. Helped you.
Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.