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Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here, and I hope
you're doing well as we get 

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started, I want to invite you to
take a stretch. 

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I'm going to take one to stretch
my arms out, big look up with my

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chin, take a yawn, you know, 
sometimes we just forget to 

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stretch to reach and especially 
if you are a human who 

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experiences, any A kind of 
anxiety or stress, which I think

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is all of us. 
What tends to happen is in our 

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bodies. 
We contract we pull in, we start

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to slowly get a little rigid 
defied and one of the easiest 

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ways to start to release that 
feeling both in your body, but 

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also the like the emotion of the
anxiety and the stress is to 

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Simply stretch your arms out big
Chin, lift the heart, just make 

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yourself a little bit bigger and
create a little bit of room for 

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any of that stuck emotion and 
the tightness to soften, and to 

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let go. 
And I wanted to share that with 

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you today as we get started, 
because I've been thinking a lot

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about the power of gentleness, 
the power of compassion and 

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especially when you are a high 
achieving person. 

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And you put a lot of pressure on
yourself to achieve and then you

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find yourself in a situation 
that you haven't been in before 

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managing people or managing a 
specific person with a different

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personality style or a different
communication style. 

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There are so many times when 
putting more pressure on 

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ourselves actually gets in the 
way of being able to do good 

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work in a sustainable way by 
Well, I mean, without a lot of 

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exhaustion and stress and 
anxiety because all of that, 

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it's okay. 
In the moment from time to time,

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it's super normal, you're a 
human. 

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We have emotions, we have Stress
and Anxiety sometimes, but when 

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the volume on those is turned up
constantly. 

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And we don't get any relief from
that. 

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Then it is not sustainable. 
And we need to find a new 

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approach A New Perspective. 
Elective and maybe a couple of 

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tools and that can be something 
as simple as taking a moment to 

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back away from the screen to 
stretch your arms out wide to 

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take a deep breath. 
And just feel a little more 

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grounded, a little more calm 
just through that very simple 

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choice. 
And one of the clients that I've

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been working with recently wrote
to me and had this beautiful 

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message that I wanted to share. 
With you as you're thinking 

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about some of the challenges 
that you're facing and the way 

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that you want to experience your
work, your life and the way that

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you move through some of these 
things. 

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So he wrote to me and he said 
that because of the coaching 

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that we had done together, he 
says I am being more, assertive,

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less anxious and much more. 
Gentle in the past, I have been 

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the hero and I prided myself on 
making things work and saving 

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the day. 
These shifts I have made are 

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really subtle but I'm noticing a
huge difference and I love that 

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because it really I think 
highlights what a lot of us miss

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at first which is we think that 
being more assertive is a kind 

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of hardening like I need to 
armor up and prepare for battle 

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in order to be assertive and 
that's a very anxious thing and 

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it takes To energy. 
But what's really cool? 

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And one of the things I love to 
help my clients with is how to 

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find the path to be more 
assertive, but to do that with 

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less anxiety and a lot more 
gentleness both towards yourself

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as well as the whole situation. 
Because once you're able to do 

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that, then it doesn't become as 
scary any time. 

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You find yourself needing to be 
assertive, it doesn't cost as 

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much energy or time. 
Time you spend less time in 

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avoidance and thinking, like, 
oh, what should I say? 

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And instead from this really 
grounded and peaceful place, you

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have the sense of clarity about.
Okay, this is what I want to 

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present or to share, or to ask 
and here's how I can do that in 

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the most useful way. 
So we make things easier as 

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opposed to harder and the It can
be very subtle that they do have

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a really big effect, which I 
really like, you know, like, why

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not make it easy. 
So, that is where I wanted to 

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start today and then on that 
same, like, on a related note. 

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So, if you're a person who tends
to be hard on yourself, right? 

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You hold yourself to a high 
standard, you feel like you 

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can't fail. 
You've got really strong 

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achieve. 
Moment drive that might be 

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driven. 
Also by the thought of, I just 

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need to work harder and my hard 
work will get it done. 

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You know, I can't slack, I have 
to really be on it. 

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Anything in that category of 
internal dialogue. 

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If that's the attitude that you 
take towards yourself, number 

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one, there's nothing wrong with 
that. 

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It's a very human thing and it 
can be successful in a lot of 

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ways. 
But like, any purse, Active in 

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any tool, it has its limits and 
so this next part is 

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specifically for you when being 
hard on yourself stops working 

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at some point, the harder you 
are on yourself. 

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The harder, it is to get 
anything done because the weight

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of the pressure and the 
self-judgment and the self-doubt

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that Starts to come up. 
Like it just makes everything 

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seem harder rather than actually
moving things forward. 

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So, when you're in that 
situation, where you find that 

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being hard on yourself is no 
longer working to get you to 

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where you want to be go to 
compassion. 

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Instead. 
And compassion, is that 

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perspective of? 
I see that you are suffering and

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I desire to relieve and Is that 
suffering? 

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It's the really gentle witness 
that says, I see you and I can 

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see that this is hurting. 
I can see that this is hard. 

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I can see that you're in 
struggle and my deepest desire 

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is that you be free from that 
pain. 

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That struggle that challenge. 
It's such a loving way to regard

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yourself. 
And so don't be surprised if it 

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feels weird. 
If you're not used to that, It 

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might sound weird. 
You might think. 

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No, I need to toughen up. 
I just need to try harder. 

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I need to do more research. 
If only I was smart enough, good

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enough had this kind of 
background, like, it's so easy 

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for the mind to go into this 
kind of deficiency apology 

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anxiety, Spin. 
And it might feel weird when you

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are very intentionally choosing 
to slow down that conversation 

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and simply Look at yourself and 
say, oh, I see, this is the hard

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part of whatever it is that 
you're dealing with. 

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And I really want you to be free
of this pain and struggle and 

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challenge. 
I completely understand, it 

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might feel weird if you're not 
used to directing that kind of 

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attention and care towards 
yourself. 

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But the reason it works and it 
becomes so effective is because 

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when you Point The Compassion to
yourself instead of being really

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hard. 
What happens is it stops you 

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from fighting with yourself, it 
gets you out of this cycle of 

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anxiety of self judgement and 
when we have a lot of anxiety 

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and self-judgment we tend to 
then resist, we move away. 

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We Retreat into a source of 
comfort. 

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It to feel better after we've 
just been like drinking out of 

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the anxiety Fountain and then 
taking a self-judgment chaser, 

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it just doesn't feel good. 
And then we think I need some 

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comfort. 
I'm going to do something else. 

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I'm going to scroll the 
internet. 

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I'm going to watch a show. 
I'm going to eat something nice.

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Like, we look for ways to 
comfort ourselves from the 

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anxiety and solve judgment that 
we've just been piling onto 

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ourselves. 
And that then creates avoidance 

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we move away from the source of 
discomfort because we're you 

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know, creating it in such a big 
way. 

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So, you know, to say this again 
and make it even more simple, 

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instead of being hard on 
yourself, go to compassion 

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instead this gets you out of 
fighting yourself, it gets you 

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out of that cycle of anxiety, of
self judgement, I've retreating 

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into Comfort or avoidance from 
the anxiety and self-judgment. 

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So compassion is the voice in 
you that internal voice. 

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That says look I see you. 
I love you and here's what we're

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going to do now. 
So it's not a giving up. 

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It's like this really sweet 
acceptance and there's a you can

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find a sense of gentle direction
from that place of compassion. 

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So what happens then when you 
choose compassion Fashion is 

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that instead of trying to push 
yourself or drag yourself which 

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creates more resistance instead,
it's like you take yourself by 

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the hand with so much love with 
kindness and the deepest 

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understanding, and you move 
forward. 

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It's like, you take yourself by 
the hand, and you say, I see 

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you. 
I know this is hard. 

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I am with you. 
Let's do this together, and when

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you're Colonel voice sounds like
that. 

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It starts to soften the 
resistance. 

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It starts to lighten the 
heaviness, which then allows you

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the space and the freedom to 
move forward. 

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And this is something I've just 
noticed. 

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A lot of us are good at some 
times but we all have a place 

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where we tend to push ourselves 
and be really hard thinking that

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that That is what we need in 
order to quote, unquote motivate

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us. 
But actually, what moves us 

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forward is when we stop trying 
to push and drag and berate 

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ourselves. 
And instead, we hold ourselves 

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with so much kindness, so much 
compassion, so much love for who

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we are, as a whole person as a 
human. 

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And then from there, like, take 
yourself by the hand, I am with 

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you, we can figure this out. 
Want to have that voice inside 

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you to have as much air time as 
the very strict Stern. 

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Taskmaster. 
I know, you have that voice in 

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there. 
I think all of us do it comes 

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pre-loaded when we arrive on the
planet. 

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So for so many reasons, it often
can be shouted over by that. 

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You know you just got to toughen
up and you've got to be strong 

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and got to figure this out on 
your own you. 

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No, I talked in the last episode
about this, the hero Persona, 

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and in our culture, especially 
here in the US, there's such a 

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celebration of one idea of 
strength. 

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Like, one idea of toughness, and
what happens then is, we forget 

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this whole other domain. 
That is so powerful, and it is 

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the power of gentleness, of 
compassion of kind. 

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This right? 
Like you want to be able to 

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access that just as easily as 
you're able to access the other 

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stuff too. 
And that just means that it 

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might take a little bit of 
practice and a willingness to 

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feel a little discomfort, you 
know, because once you start to 

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offer yourself that level of 
kindness and consideration, then

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you might find. 
You've got some other emotions 

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that you've been pushing away or
dragging along. 

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Yeah. 
And then we've got to make some 

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room to feel some of those 
because, you know, it's like, 

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locked up energy. 
If we don't feel it, it just 

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stays kind of locked up in the 
suitcase in the basement. 

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And that's not a great place for
them. 

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We want to bring it into the 
open, open it up. 

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Give it some breathing room so 
that we can kind of relax and 

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soften and it just makes our 
quality of life better. 

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It's kind of the bonus like yes,
everything at work starts to 

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feel easier. 
Also, in your life, you start to

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feel better, which I mean, it's 
pretty great, right? 

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I get to see this stuff every 
day so I get the front row seat.

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But my desire for you is that as
you listen to this episode and 

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you think about your own 
landscape like your own inner 

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landscape of where you kind to 
yourself and where do you tend 

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to Reach for the harsh tone. 
I want you to get curious and 

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just notice where are you being 
hard? 

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On yourself. 
Is there something going on? 

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Is there a challenge or is 
there, you know a conversation 

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you've been avoiding, or is 
there something going on in your

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work world? 
Where inside in your own self? 

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You are berating yourself and 
trying to push yourself along 

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faster and just taking a 
generally harsh tone, Because 

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that will be a good sign to ask.
Okay. 

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So what would it be like to 
bring a little more compassion? 

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What would it be like to bring a
little bit more kindness into 

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this picture and see what 
happens as you start to shine. 

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That gentle light of attention 
towards yourself in this way. 

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And of course, if you want to do
this, work with me, one-on-one, 

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it's amazing. 
I love seeing the way my 

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clients. 
Take the concept, really get it 

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on a deep level. 
When you show up to learn and to

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slow down, and to really address
the things that are keeping you 

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up at night, and kind of just 
moving in your head all the 

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time, we can address that we can
work it together and you'll 

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learn how to do it on your own. 
Reliably sustainably with a lot 

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of kindness. 
That's what I am here for. 

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So if that's you today, then go 
ahead to the show, notes to find

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the link to my calendar and 
let's talk soon. 

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Alright. 
I hope you have a wonderful 

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wonderful week. 
I will talk to you next time. 

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Hey, before you go, if you like 
this podcast, leave A review, 

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tell me why you listen and what 
has helped you? 

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Thanks so much. 
I'll see you next time.