1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:19,200 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hi, I'm glad you're here right 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,500 now. Things are a little bit hectic 4 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,200 in every part of the world. And probably in just about every 5 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,100 part of your life as well as for all of the people that you work 6 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:33,300 with both those that you manage but really throughout every 7 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,900 organization. Right now we're all being 8 00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:39,900 challenged in ways that were very often unanticipated and 9 00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:45,600 might feel really new. So let's just take a breath to 10 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,400 Arrive. First of all. 11 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:56,200 And today I wanted to talk to you about the to be list. 12 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,200 One of the things that as a human. 13 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,500 We really like is predictability. 14 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:08,200 We like certainty. It creates a feeling of 15 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,500 security, a kind of steadiness in our life. 16 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,900 So one thing that's happening right now in the big world but 17 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:18,500 probably also in your immediate World, especially around work, 18 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:25,500 is a lot of things that Had been stable and predictable for you 19 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:31,000 might be changing really fast and so that creates more stress 20 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:34,300 in our mind and in our body. And in the way that we relate 21 00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:38,100 with others, and one of the things as a manager is, there's 22 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:41,300 always these two parts that we talked about earlier. 23 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:45,100 There's the part of self-awareness, which asks, how 24 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:50,400 do I deal with uncertainty? What do I do? 25 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:54,900 I do when I feel stressed and we all have different answers to 26 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,500 that. So the first part is that you 27 00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:01,300 want to bring a lot of care towards yourself as well as this 28 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:04,400 curiosity of. What do you tend to do? 29 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,199 What's your pattern, and how you tend to deal with that? 30 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:12,700 And that will help you in a moment, which I'll explain the 31 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,700 other part. That every manager needs is the 32 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:20,300 communication aspect. And right now, one big part of 33 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:23,700 Indicating with the people that we work with is really 34 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,700 understanding that. You know what we are human. 35 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:32,400 This is challenging and the people you work with each have 36 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:38,700 their own ways of dealing with the stress that comes from an 37 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:43,200 uncertainty from things not being stable from that sense of 38 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,400 predictability going away, everyone deals with that 39 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,500 differently. One thing that you can do as A 40 00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:55,000 manager when you check in with your team, whether you're doing 41 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:00,400 this formally or just informally is when you check in with that 42 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,400 person and especially in one-on-one opportunities. 43 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:09,400 Simply ask the question. How are you as a human right 44 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,800 now? And then wait and see how they 45 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,200 respond some of the folks you work with might really want that 46 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,100 space to get and share more of what's going on with them 47 00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:26,000 personally. Others won't some people might 48 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,200 be a little bit more reserved in what's happening in their 49 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,900 private life. But part of what you can do. 50 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:37,000 As a manager is to Simply communicate this sense of I know 51 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,500 that you are a human with a lot of things going on. 52 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,300 How are you? If you want to share with me, 53 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,000 here's a little space. One of the ways you do that 54 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,000 effectively is to make sure that your attention is fully in the 55 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:55,900 moment because if you bring this attitude of you know you're 56 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,200 trying to rush through things, you're very busy. 57 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,900 People can sense that you know, you've had experiences where 58 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:06,300 someone asked how you were and you could tell they were in a 59 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,200 rush and it didn't really want to hear it. 60 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,900 They were just trying to be polite. 61 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,600 So one way of building that trust is to really genuinely 62 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,200 slow yourself down. Check And how are you right now 63 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:22,300 as a human? Once you've done that, remember 64 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:25,200 to you don't need to solve all the problems. 65 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:29,500 Sometimes, simply creating a space for someone to be human 66 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:37,600 can be so encouraging can build trust can help people more than 67 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:42,400 you realize in the moment. Now, going back to the, to be 68 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,100 list. This is a practice that actually 69 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,800 started in my one-on-one coaching practice and I began to 70 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,800 share it in my Mindfulness classes and a very easily led 71 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,000 into my managing humans classes because it works like this. 72 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:01,600 Number one, your to-do list has plenty of things on it, and 73 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,600 especially right now, it might be changing all of the time. 74 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:09,800 So I don't want to put one more thing on your to-do list. 75 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,800 So we're going to leave your to-do list to the side, your to 76 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:20,200 be list. Only ever has one thing on it 77 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,400 and it has to be something simple. 78 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,600 Usually if you can say it in half a sentence or even one or 79 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,500 two words, then you're on the right track, if it requires a 80 00:05:31,508 --> 00:05:36,700 lot of words to express it, you might be overcomplicating things 81 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,300 for your to be list. It is only one thing. 82 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:46,100 You can change it every day, but on any given day, it is only one 83 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:51,200 thing and the question you want to ask yourself is how do I want 84 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:57,300 to be today? How do I want to be today? 85 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,700 And you might choose, I want to be present. 86 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:08,000 Or I want to be patient. You might choose. 87 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:14,100 I want to be creative or I want to be resourceful or I want to 88 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:20,600 be calm. But choose one quality that you 89 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,700 would like to be and then as your day unfolds, you check in 90 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:30,400 with yourself and you ask how am I being right now and if you are 91 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:35,200 being in accordance with your stated intention, then 92 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,800 fantastic. Good job if you're like me and a 93 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,800 lot of my students over the course of the day you'll ask 94 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,600 yourself how am I being and you'll say wow I have really 95 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,900 drifted off the Mark, I am not being paid. 96 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,900 Shouldn't I am not present, I'm actually very distracted. 97 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:57,000 And when you notice okay I've drifted then you adjust in the 98 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:04,500 moment and what makes this so lovely and so effective is that 99 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:12,600 your state of being will inform your doing and your state of 100 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:19,100 being can adapt depending on what is happening in the moment. 101 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,900 And what this means is that you don't have to create a really 102 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:30,700 Sophisticated or detailed plan of action and very often 103 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,800 especially right now. We're really needing every 104 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:39,200 moment as its unfolding, and we're needing to respond and let 105 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,200 plans go because we're facing things that we hadn't planned 106 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,400 for perhaps. So the to be list is really nice 107 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,500 because you ask yourself what would it look like for me in 108 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:56,500 this new moment to be? Whatever it is that you would 109 00:07:56,500 --> 00:08:04,600 like to be when we think about who are the leaders that we most 110 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,500 appreciate the ones whose style, we really look to with 111 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:14,900 admiration the ones that we look to as Role Models, very often. 112 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:18,000 When I'm coaching people or talking in my class. 113 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,100 One thing people say is, I want a leader. 114 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,600 I can look to in times of uncertainty. 115 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:27,600 I want someone who has this study hand. 116 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:31,600 If I look to my leader and they are freaking out and having a 117 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,600 meltdown and biting people's heads off, it does not Inspire 118 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,900 confidence and often what we need when we look to a leader in 119 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:43,400 our lives. As we want, someone who can 120 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:50,000 bring a sense of steadiness, a sense of resolve, a sense of we 121 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,500 are in this together and maybe we don't know exactly how Is 122 00:08:54,500 --> 00:09:01,600 going to go but we will figure this out as best we can right 123 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,500 now. I'm seeing in my newsfeed a lot 124 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:11,000 of messages from CEOs or from other leaders and it really does 125 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,700 speak to the ones that you see. And you think wow. 126 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,400 I wish they were leading my organization or oh, my goodness. 127 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,500 I wish this person was my manager because they're speaking 128 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:25,800 in a way that lets me feel we can get Through this together or 129 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:31,900 also sometimes things are really hard and even though things are 130 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:39,100 hard, they say it directly with so much kindness with so much 131 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:43,600 good spirit in them that you realize yet, you know what, we 132 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,200 don't have answers for this. We will have to make hard 133 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,200 choices but you see and you understand, they're still a deep 134 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,800 measure of caring for the humans. 135 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,300 And at the end of the day, that's what we all want. 136 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,100 We want to feel that we are appreciated that, our 137 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:06,600 contribution matters that who we are, as humans is seen and 138 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:13,500 respected that were part of a team and you get to be that 139 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,300 person for those in your own life. 140 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,800 Now, one of the things that's true is that when you are facing 141 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,700 a lot of change, and a lot of challenge all at once, It's also 142 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:30,400 when that self awareness and self care, really matters 143 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,500 because it will give you more energy. 144 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,700 More resilience. It'll give you more creativity. 145 00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:40,400 And if you are completely depleting yourself, if you're 146 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,200 neglecting to care for yourself, then it makes it really hard to 147 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:49,400 show up in the most supportive way for all of those around you. 148 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:53,400 So, part of what I hope for you, as you listen to, this is, I do 149 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,400 want you to You to choose. How do you want to be just 150 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,700 choose it for today just for the moment you're listening to this 151 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:04,300 episode. How would you like to be today? 152 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,800 Just choose that one thing let that help guide you through your 153 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:13,300 day as it unfolds and also look for ways to support and care for 154 00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:15,900 yourself. And one of the things I like 155 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,200 especially that there's been we've been so much working from 156 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,400 home. A lot of screen time now that so 157 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,200 much of our communication happens. 158 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,800 Screen is one idea for self-care, put your screens 159 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,400 away, put your spine on the floor. 160 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:37,400 So just lay down on the ground, turn your palms up and then your 161 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,700 arms at the elbows so that you make like a cactus pose and then 162 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:47,000 put your feet up because we want to get the feet elevated above 163 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,000 the heart. It can be really calming for 164 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,800 your nervous system and for your heart. 165 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,400 And when we turn our palms up and we bring our elbows out to 166 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,600 the sides like that. Cactus kind of pose. 167 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,800 It also helps to open across the front of the chest and the 168 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:09,400 heart. And when we get scared or 169 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,700 anxious or when we're on our screens, a lot, we tend to 170 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:17,200 collapse in and forward and we really close and contract the 171 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,300 muscles across the front of the chest. 172 00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,800 So from a physiological perspective, it's really nice to 173 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,800 help open the front of the Art and that'll also create a little 174 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:32,200 bit of ease and relief along the along, the sides of your neck 175 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,600 along your trapezius. It'll let the shoulders relax 176 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:40,600 and just as a little fun fact in case you didn't know this about 177 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,600 me, I'm also a yoga teacher and a meditation teacher. 178 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:48,800 So, I really get to draw from my full Bank of experience when I'm 179 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,800 speaking to you today about this particular lesson, because 180 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:57,100 remember, you are a human Woman, you are a whole person, the body 181 00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:01,000 of you, The Heart Of You, the mind of you, the spirit of you, 182 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:05,600 being a manager means that you want to bring all of your best 183 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:11,600 self and you want to as a human care for all of your best self 184 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:16,600 so that you can show up in the most effective and supportive 185 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,600 way that you can because you have that power care for 186 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,400 yourself. First, let that caring radiates 187 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,900 out towards those. Around you and take a deep 188 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:30,800 breath, one day at a time. Thanks for listening. 189 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:38,700 Do you want personal confidential help with your 190 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,100 situation at work? I offer one-on-one coaching and 191 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:46,300 can help you overcome challenges reach your goals and become a 192 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:50,100 more effective leader to schedule a consult. 193 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:56,300 Go to my website, Kim nickel.com coaching and we'll schedule time 194 00:13:56,300 --> 00:14:00,100 to talk about what's going on with you and how I can help talk 195 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:00,800 to you soon.