Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Welcome back.
I want to talk today about taking things personally because
you're a human, you will take things personally because the
people that you manage and that you work with are humans, they
will take things. Personally, it is something that
is so obvious. And yet, we forget this all of
the time and it creates So much trouble, so many problems, we
assume that if someone is being impatient or short-tempered with
us, we take it personally. We think, why are they being
this way to me? Did I do something to make them
angry? Why are they not giving me the
attention or the guidance or the mentoring, or the support, that
that I need what's going on? And it can be really helpful as
a skill. Bill to practice not taking
things personally. Now at work, you want to
practice this with yourself and also practice it with other
people and by that, I mean, remember that when something is
happening you want to be able to take a breath step back for a
moment and named what is going on in the most objective.
And observant language that you can.
So for example if you're in a meeting and somebody interrupts
you instead of saying or thinking, why is this person
being disrespectful? They keep interrupting me and it
really bothers me. Do they not value?
What I think, are they too focused on their own ideas?
To hear what I have to say instead of going down that whole
path instead just notice? Oh this person interrupted me,
This person cut me off and then pause there.
I want you to practice, unhooking the emotional part
from it and the reason why is because, as humans, of course,
we have emotion. But as we develop more skill and
being self-aware, as well as communicating, when we slow
things down and unhook, some of the emotion from what the
behavior or what the situation is, it gives us a lot more room.
To choose how we want to respond and how you want to communicate.
So, for example, in that situation, where somebody
interrupts or Cuts you off, you could say, hey I noticed you
keep cutting me off and interrupting me, why do you do
that? And you can ask it from a place
of genuine curiosity, not necessarily in a way that's
putting them on the spot or calling them.
I'm out of putting them down and of course, be aware and be
Discerning with the environment that you're in.
If that's with a whole group of people, maybe that's not the
best place to ask that question to that person but being willing
to have an uncomfortable conversation and not taking it
personally from this genuine place of I'd like us to have a
more productive meeting. I'd like to be able to know my
ideas are being heard. I'm concerned and confused if
you're Take me and cutting me off and I've seen you done that.
Have I've seen you do that with other people.
That's also going to be a problem for you down the road to
You have different kinds of conversations that you can have
when you stop taking things. Personally.
Now, the other nice thing about it is remember that everyone you
work with, also take things personally, we're humans were in
the center of our own universe. And so, one of the ways this
plays out sometimes is when you are context, switching, when you
are going from one conversation, one kind of work one.
Send that you're engaged with and then switching to something
else. Sometimes, our mind is still on
the thing that we were doing and we're not fully present with
this person who's right in front of us, we're not fully present.
We're not fully engaged. We're not fully listening.
And the other thing that happens is, if you have were having a
very frustrating conversation, you show up to your new
conversation, still, with that emotion of frustration, if you
are feeling angry because something was not going,
according to the way you wanted it to go, you show up to your
next meeting or conversation. Still feeling that anger still
feeling that residual emotion and because people take things
personally, whoever you're speaking with now Will think,
why is this person mad at me? Why are they frustrated with me?
Why are they not fully present and listening to me?
Do they not value me? Did I do something wrong?
So you get to start to notice this in your own life and start
to practice, not taking things personally.
And also understanding, of course, it will happen.
You're a human, it's okay, it's not a problem.
But we want to be aware of when we're doing that.
And then we want to be able to shift.
Things by taking a breath by slowing things down a little
bit. And it's so interesting because
we often think that the way that I move quickly is by doing
things fast, but when it comes to communication and especially
how we relate with and build trust with others, the fastest
way to slow things down is through, poor communication.
It's when we don't have self-awareness.
It's when we communicate in ways that create more confusion or
create more resistance or create more uncertainty when we're not
communicating, in an effective way, that really gets in the way
of everything and it's fascinating because I have a lot
of students who come through my class and they say, oh, you
know, I feel like I have to respond immediately.
To every message to every request that comes in but what
happens is that they sacrifice being thoughtful and and they
sacrifice providing a useful response in exchange for simply
being very quick and it's almost like the the the poor
communication just proliferates and then everyone has too many
messages and feels overwhelmed and nothing gets done.
And there's so much that is gained by In place lying down in
a moment. So notice for yourself, as you
continue to go through your day. Where are you taking things
personally? And how can you shift it?
Where might somebody else? Be taking things personally.
And as a manager, or as the person coming into the room with
that self-awareness, you can say, hey, just so you know, I'm
coming from a really, you know, frustrating phone call.
So if I still seem kind of frustrated or upset, it has
nothing to do with you. It's just And this other thing,
but I'm here, and I'm present. And let's have a great
conversation. A lot of times Simply Having the
awareness and the communication to Simply named what's going on,
it lifts the uncertainty and it creates more connection and more
trust. And it's a way of taking a lead
and really setting the tone of what kind of conversation are we
going to have here? So that's what I wanted to share
with you today. Continue to be amazing at work.
Joy, not taking things personally and I'll see you next
time if you know it's time to level up but you feel your
perfectionism Self Doubt and uncertainty getting in the way
then come work with me. We'll have six months of
one-on-one coaching and it all starts by going to my website.
Kim nickel.com, / coaching and joining my waitlist talk to you
soon. Soon.