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Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Welcome back. 

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I want to talk today about 
taking things personally because

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you're a human, you will take 
things personally because the 

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people that you manage and that 
you work with are humans, they 

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will take things. 
Personally, it is something that

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is so obvious. 
And yet, we forget this all of 

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the time and it creates So much 
trouble, so many problems, we 

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assume that if someone is being 
impatient or short-tempered with

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us, we take it personally. 
We think, why are they being 

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this way to me? 
Did I do something to make them 

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angry? 
Why are they not giving me the 

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attention or the guidance or the
mentoring, or the support, that 

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that I need what's going on? 
And it can be really helpful as 

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a skill. 
Bill to practice not taking 

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things personally. 
Now at work, you want to 

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practice this with yourself and 
also practice it with other 

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people and by that, I mean, 
remember that when something is 

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happening you want to be able to
take a breath step back for a 

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moment and named what is going 
on in the most objective. 

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And observant language that you 
can. 

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So for example if you're in a 
meeting and somebody interrupts 

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you instead of saying or 
thinking, why is this person 

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being disrespectful? 
They keep interrupting me and it

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really bothers me. 
Do they not value? 

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What I think, are they too 
focused on their own ideas? 

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To hear what I have to say 
instead of going down that whole

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path instead just notice? 
Oh this person interrupted me, 

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This person cut me off and then 
pause there. 

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I want you to practice, 
unhooking the emotional part 

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from it and the reason why is 
because, as humans, of course, 

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we have emotion. 
But as we develop more skill and

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being self-aware, as well as 
communicating, when we slow 

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things down and unhook, some of 
the emotion from what the 

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behavior or what the situation 
is, it gives us a lot more room.

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To choose how we want to respond
and how you want to communicate.

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So, for example, in that 
situation, where somebody 

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interrupts or Cuts you off, you 
could say, hey I noticed you 

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keep cutting me off and 
interrupting me, why do you do 

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that? 
And you can ask it from a place 

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of genuine curiosity, not 
necessarily in a way that's 

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putting them on the spot or 
calling them. 

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I'm out of putting them down and
of course, be aware and be 

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Discerning with the environment 
that you're in. 

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If that's with a whole group of 
people, maybe that's not the 

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best place to ask that question 
to that person but being willing

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to have an uncomfortable 
conversation and not taking it 

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personally from this genuine 
place of I'd like us to have a 

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more productive meeting. 
I'd like to be able to know my 

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ideas are being heard. 
I'm concerned and confused if 

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you're Take me and cutting me 
off and I've seen you done that.

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Have I've seen you do that with 
other people. 

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That's also going to be a 
problem for you down the road to

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You have different kinds of 
conversations that you can have 

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when you stop taking things. 
Personally. 

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Now, the other nice thing about 
it is remember that everyone you

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work with, also take things 
personally, we're humans were in

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the center of our own universe. 
And so, one of the ways this 

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plays out sometimes is when you 
are context, switching, when you

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are going from one conversation,
one kind of work one. 

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Send that you're engaged with 
and then switching to something 

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else. 
Sometimes, our mind is still on 

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the thing that we were doing and
we're not fully present with 

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this person who's right in front
of us, we're not fully present. 

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We're not fully engaged. 
We're not fully listening. 

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And the other thing that happens
is, if you have were having a 

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very frustrating conversation, 
you show up to your new 

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conversation, still, with that 
emotion of frustration, if you 

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are feeling angry because 
something was not going, 

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according to the way you wanted 
it to go, you show up to your 

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next meeting or conversation. 
Still feeling that anger still 

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feeling that residual emotion 
and because people take things 

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personally, whoever you're 
speaking with now Will think, 

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why is this person mad at me? 
Why are they frustrated with me?

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Why are they not fully present 
and listening to me? 

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Do they not value me? 
Did I do something wrong? 

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So you get to start to notice 
this in your own life and start 

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to practice, not taking things 
personally. 

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And also understanding, of 
course, it will happen. 

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You're a human, it's okay, it's 
not a problem. 

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But we want to be aware of when 
we're doing that. 

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And then we want to be able to 
shift. 

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Things by taking a breath by 
slowing things down a little 

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bit. 
And it's so interesting because 

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we often think that the way that
I move quickly is by doing 

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things fast, but when it comes 
to communication and especially 

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how we relate with and build 
trust with others, the fastest 

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way to slow things down is 
through, poor communication. 

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It's when we don't have 
self-awareness. 

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It's when we communicate in ways
that create more confusion or 

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create more resistance or create
more uncertainty when we're not 

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communicating, in an effective 
way, that really gets in the way

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of everything and it's 
fascinating because I have a lot

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of students who come through my 
class and they say, oh, you 

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know, I feel like I have to 
respond immediately. 

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To every message to every 
request that comes in but what 

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happens is that they sacrifice 
being thoughtful and and they 

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sacrifice providing a useful 
response in exchange for simply 

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being very quick and it's almost
like the the the poor 

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communication just proliferates 
and then everyone has too many 

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messages and feels overwhelmed 
and nothing gets done. 

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And there's so much that is 
gained by In place lying down in

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a moment. 
So notice for yourself, as you 

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continue to go through your day.
Where are you taking things 

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personally? 
And how can you shift it? 

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Where might somebody else? 
Be taking things personally. 

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And as a manager, or as the 
person coming into the room with

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that self-awareness, you can 
say, hey, just so you know, I'm 

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coming from a really, you know, 
frustrating phone call. 

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So if I still seem kind of 
frustrated or upset, it has 

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nothing to do with you. 
It's just And this other thing, 

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but I'm here, and I'm present. 
And let's have a great 

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conversation. 
A lot of times Simply Having the

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awareness and the communication 
to Simply named what's going on,

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it lifts the uncertainty and it 
creates more connection and more

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trust. 
And it's a way of taking a lead 

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and really setting the tone of 
what kind of conversation are we

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going to have here? 
So that's what I wanted to share

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with you today. 
Continue to be amazing at work. 

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Joy, not taking things 
personally and I'll see you next

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time if you know it's time to 
level up but you feel your 

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perfectionism Self Doubt and 
uncertainty getting in the way 

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then come work with me. 
We'll have six months of 

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one-on-one coaching and it all 
starts by going to my website. 

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Kim nickel.com, / coaching and 
joining my waitlist talk to you 

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soon. 
Soon.