1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,600 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome. 3 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,100 I'm glad you're here. And I hope you're doing well, 4 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,600 there is so much to celebrate today. 5 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:27,400 And it's a good reminder of how important it is to celebrate. 6 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,700 Because there will always be things to do that, haven't 7 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,500 gotten done. And there will be always things 8 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:37,300 to improve or things that you think. 9 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:41,600 I wish I could do this better. That's just true about Being a 10 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:48,100 human and growing and learning new things and facing new 11 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:52,900 challenges. There will always be that and 12 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:58,000 that's not a good reason to skip over the celebrations, 13 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,600 especially the small ones because the little celebrations 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:08,300 are part of what keep us going and give that inside part that 15 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:13,100 sometimes feels discouraged or simply just Tired gives us the 16 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:18,300 energy to keep going and to feel like, you know what we're 17 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:21,500 actually doing, okay. There's actually a lot we can 18 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,300 celebrate. So today a couple celebrations I 19 00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:28,100 wanted to start with one is I wanted to celebrate one of my 20 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,400 clients. She actually is working in an 21 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:37,300 organization that hired me to teach a series of communication 22 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,500 workshops and do some communication coaching with 23 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,900 them. And one of the things I told the 24 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:47,700 group and our very first session was that when you're learning 25 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:52,800 about communication and you're going to improve the way that 26 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,600 you communicate out, work to be more effective in the workplace 27 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,300 realize that everything you learn. 28 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,300 You also can use elsewhere in your life. 29 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,600 One of the things I love about communication skills is because 30 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:13,100 you use them every day all the time in, Every relationship in 31 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:17,000 all kinds of situations. So don't think of this just as 32 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:23,200 skills for your work life. Think of this as skills for your 33 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:29,400 life, like all of it. And so they took one of the 34 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:33,600 concepts from class are very first group class together and 35 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:38,400 they thought about their home life and their roommate and 36 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,200 realize there was a conversation, That they had been 37 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:47,100 avoiding and because of what they learned in class and 38 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:50,200 started thinking differently about their relationship and 39 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:54,500 their living situation, and their roommate decided to have a 40 00:02:54,508 --> 00:03:00,200 conversation and it turns out they both had been feeling a 41 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,400 little resentful, not a big deal, nothing serious. 42 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:12,500 But this growing underlying unease and because they Able to 43 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:17,500 open this conversation and address it before it became a 44 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:21,200 really big deal. It just made everything better 45 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:25,100 sooner and it was so wonderful because as they were relaying, 46 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:28,200 the story to me, I mean they just have so much more 47 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:33,100 confidence and in themselves but also in this feeling of oh I 48 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,400 know how to take care of my relationships and keep them 49 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,400 healthy and good and loving and respectful. 50 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,400 And if there's something that feels He's a little off, I know 51 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,100 what to do. Now, I have some tools, some 52 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:51,500 skills, and I have the mindset and the confidence to be able to 53 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:55,100 use them. So that is a huge celebration 54 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,000 for me. I love it. 55 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:02,100 When my students and my clients are able to take something small 56 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,700 and turn it into something big and especially around things 57 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:10,700 that seem like not a big deal because that's where we tend to 58 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:14,000 overlook. Look the opportunity to make a 59 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,399 change. So I love that celebrating them. 60 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,200 Celebrating me celebrating. All of us for being able to do 61 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,800 that. The other thing I wanted to 62 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:29,400 celebrate is, I got a new computer after 10 years. 63 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,800 And it was so funny because my so my boyfriend works in the 64 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:39,200 tech industry and he is very Tech forward and always very 65 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,700 curious and very interested about All of the new technology, 66 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:46,300 I'm a little bit the opposite. When I find something that works 67 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,400 I just like to keep it. Like my phone is very old and 68 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:54,700 cracked but it works and my laptop was 10 years old and you 69 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:58,200 know I didn't update the operating system all the times 70 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,700 they're supposed to. He was a little shocked by that 71 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,400 but you know we just have different styles, it still 72 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,400 worked, right? Why would I change it? 73 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,500 But I finally decided that it was it was time to upgrade My 74 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:16,400 machine and my tools, and it was fascinating to observe in myself 75 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:23,000 my own resistance, even though by all measures of performance, 76 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:27,900 the new machine is going to perform better, and it will help 77 00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:33,800 me do things faster and easier and, you know it like it is it 78 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,300 is literally if you look at all the specifications, it is better 79 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:41,800 in every way. However, it is still different 80 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,200 and my mind. My brain is a human brain and so 81 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:54,600 we tend to resist change and we tend to stay with what is 82 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:59,400 familiar and comfortable and the things that we know how to do 83 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,800 because, you know, we've done the same way. 84 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:05,400 So it was really interesting to notice my own internal 85 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:10,800 negotiation, maybe I can keep my Current computer another year to 86 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:13,200 you know it still works. It still works. 87 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,700 Why should I get it? You would, it was really 88 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:20,600 interesting to notice that and I feel like it's something that 89 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,600 you know we get we get sometimes caught in this self-judgment 90 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,400 thing where we think, okay, there's something I need that is 91 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:34,400 going to improve my life in some way whether it's I need to 92 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:39,500 initiate an uncomfortable conversation or I need to Change 93 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:46,300 my job, or I need to apply for this promotion or, you know, or 94 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:49,600 I need to take time off, sometimes, it's that. 95 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,500 So, I really need to clear my plate. 96 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,500 Take time off to recharge. There are so many different 97 00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,400 things where we think, oh, I know, I need to, I should it 98 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,400 would be really in my best interest to and I don't even 99 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,900 mean the social pressure kind of thing where Society tells You, 100 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,900 you know, you really should do X Y and Z. 101 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,500 I'm talking about you yourself. Genuinely believe that it would 102 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:19,600 benefit you in a meaningful way to do something different. 103 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,500 And even though you are an intelligent person, and you are 104 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:27,300 in touch with yourself, and you see how this makes perfect 105 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:32,400 sense, do not be surprised that there is a part of you that is 106 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:39,400 highly resistant to change. I think we're just Built that 107 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:44,300 way, we tend to be resistant to change. 108 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:50,400 Now the thing is you want to be aware of that resistance so that 109 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:55,200 you can decide is this resistance a good reason to not 110 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,700 actually change or is this just the resistance that always shows 111 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:06,500 up anytime I'm on the threshold of something new, because, if 112 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:10,900 we're not aware of that dynamic, That's when we can feel stuck in 113 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:14,600 a really uncomfortable place where you feel like I know I 114 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,800 should, but I just can't get myself to do it. 115 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:22,600 And I don't know why and I know I should but I just can't and 116 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:27,300 that push-pull feels exhausting and then if you put on a layer 117 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:32,799 of self judgement and start trying to like beat yourself up 118 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:37,500 as a way of motivating you to move forward that actually just 119 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,600 makes it worse. Because now you're associating 120 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,800 this new thing with something not just uncomfortable because 121 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,400 it's new but you're associating it with this internal voice 122 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,800 that's really mean to yourself and it's really hard to learn 123 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,900 and take risks because if you doing something new it feels 124 00:08:56,900 --> 00:09:00,000 like a risk. Even if you have a great safety 125 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,900 net, like in my case, I had a boyfriend who had helped me get 126 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:08,200 my new machine started. But even then if you have this 127 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:13,900 Harsh internal voice that says, mean things about you, when 128 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:19,100 you're feeling resistant, that makes the resistance stay 129 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,600 longer. And what I found is when you 130 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:26,900 have this awareness, from the most compassionate, most loving 131 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,400 friendly Part of Yourself, the inner voice that says, oh 132 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,300 sweetie, I know that you don't want to do this because it feels 133 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:37,000 scary and I know that any time you do something new, you feel 134 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,300 kind of sad because you have Give up the thing that you've 135 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,100 been using that you really liked and you've got all this 136 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:47,300 emotional attachment to it. I completely understand this is 137 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:50,000 going to be uncomfortable for you and you know what, we're 138 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,300 still going to do it anyways because you've decided that this 139 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,200 is what you want and so we're going to go for it and we're 140 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,400 going to do this with all the kindness, all the gentleness, 141 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:05,100 all of the compassion, for what you are experiencing in the 142 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,000 moment. When you are able to tap into 143 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:13,500 that, That internal perspective and voice, it changes things. 144 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:17,800 It makes the hard things so much easier, which means that you 145 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:22,400 learn faster. And just like, with my student, 146 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:27,300 who is able to take a small idea to a small moment and apply it 147 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:31,500 with gentleness and curiosity and then have a really big win. 148 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:35,900 I mean, that's the best. That's honestly one of the 149 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,900 fastest and best ways is to Get unstuck this to bring so much 150 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:46,600 compassion, and understanding to yourself about how you are when 151 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:52,500 you are faced with change. And communication, is one of the 152 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:58,800 kinds of change that can feel so resistant, because it feels so 153 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,200 personal. It's not just communication. 154 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,700 Its this is who I am. I am, just this kind of person. 155 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,600 So, when you are updating The skill set of how you 156 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,400 communicate. Your also updating your sense of 157 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,400 identity. You're also updating yourself 158 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:21,700 concept about who you are as a person and if you feel like 159 00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:27,700 you're going against your own feeling of self, then of course, 160 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,900 it's going to be hard. So a lot of my work, as a coach 161 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:36,700 is helping you to see, not just the skill that you will need in 162 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,300 order to accomplish. What you want to accomplish but 163 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:44,800 also to help you develop a mindset, a self concept and 164 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:49,100 identity that matches with that and that matches with your 165 00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:52,500 values and, you know, is compatible with your sense of 166 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:56,100 self so that you're not fighting yourself along the way. 167 00:11:56,500 --> 00:12:01,200 And this is really cool because then you really become a person 168 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:05,200 and a leader and your personal life and your professional life. 169 00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:10,700 Start to feel really coherent, really a Aligned like it all 170 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:14,200 fits and it's not like performative and it's not 171 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,300 masking and it's not like you have to put toward yourself into 172 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,600 a certain shape. It really starts to feel more 173 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:26,400 like you just a new growth new version of you. 174 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:31,500 So having said all that, both the celebrations, awareness of 175 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:37,900 resistance, tapping into that compassion voice becoming aware 176 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:41,000 of the relationship. Nation ship between a skill set 177 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:45,500 and the mindset and self concept that you need in order to move 178 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:48,900 forward. I want to talk about push back. 179 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,200 This is something a lot of my clients struggle with at some 180 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,700 point because it feels very uncomfortable and it also feels 181 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,900 like it goes against their values and who they are as a 182 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,000 person. What I mean by that is if you 183 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,400 think of yourself as somebody, who likes to get along with, 184 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:14,000 People who is not like a conflict oriented person, you 185 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,700 know, you're just, that's, that's kind of not where you 186 00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:19,100 tend to live. You tend to live in a place of, 187 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:22,700 I want to have collaboration. I like cooperation, I like 188 00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:25,800 people getting along when there's High friction and high 189 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,000 conflict. That's very uncomfortable for 190 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,900 me. And so I tend to move away from 191 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:32,400 that. If you see yourself as that way, 192 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,500 if you see yourself as a person. Also, if you know that you have 193 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:39,400 a tendency to people, please, and both The positive and the 194 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,700 negative. So, the positive as I've talked 195 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:46,000 about before, is this really heartfelt sense of kind of 196 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,900 generosity of spirit where, of course, I want you to be 197 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,200 pleased. Of course, I want you to be 198 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,700 happy and to feel good and to feel valued. 199 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,500 Why wouldn't I want that? Like, of course, I want that, 200 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:02,400 you know, and on the extreme side that can get to the 201 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:07,200 negative side where you prioritize, the emotional state 202 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:13,400 of others, And then deprioritize and neglect and overlook your 203 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,900 own needs values. Our priorities, that's when it 204 00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:20,700 gets into not such a great place, then the idea of push 205 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:25,200 back feels very uncomfortable and at work. 206 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,900 What often happens is, you're in a meeting with a group of people 207 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:33,800 or with your manager and someone either gives you a deadline or a 208 00:14:33,808 --> 00:14:38,400 task or an assignment and you say yes and you commit yourself 209 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,700 Are you commit your team or you commit? 210 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,500 You make some commitment some agreement. 211 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,500 But there's a part of you inside that saying, I don't know if 212 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:49,000 this is the right choice. I don't really want to. 213 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,200 That's not really my responsibility. 214 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:57,000 I want to push back. I want to push back and that can 215 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:01,900 feel so uncomfortable. When you are a person that's 216 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:06,500 like that is, that feels so against just my natural wiring 217 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,700 and how I am in the world. I don't like feeling opposed to 218 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,400 others. I really like Harmony and 219 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,000 feeling, like we're part of a team. 220 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,300 So, I want to offer you a perspective. 221 00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:21,200 It's a very small shift, but it can make a very big difference. 222 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,600 And instead of pushing back, which feels like we're now 223 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,900 against each other. You're like, you're trying to go 224 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,700 in One Direction and I'm trying to push against you. 225 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,500 And now, it feels like conflict and maybe there are even some 226 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:41,800 power dynamics where the person Is of a higher position and has 227 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,200 real power over. You kind of in the hierarchy of 228 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,500 the organization, it can feel highly risky and even it might 229 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:53,900 feel kind of rude to push back. So you're just like, okay and 230 00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:56,900 then it just feels terrible and then you're not having a 231 00:15:56,900 --> 00:16:01,300 conversation about it. So, instead of pushing back, I 232 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:05,800 want to invite you to think of it as slowing down. 233 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,700 So instead of saying I'm going to push back against this, want 234 00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:13,500 you to think about it more like can we slow down a moment? 235 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,300 And take a look at this, can we slow down? 236 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:18,900 Let me understand what you're really trying to accomplish 237 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,500 here. Can we slow this down and take a 238 00:16:21,508 --> 00:16:25,300 look at the big picture, because I think there are some other 239 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:30,200 things like, in play that were overlooking, because sometimes 240 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,400 when people are making decisions in the workplace, they're doing 241 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:37,600 it from a place of urgency, from a desire for For Speed. 242 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,500 But as we've talked about before urgent, doesn't always mean 243 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:46,700 things happen quickly. Sometimes when we're very fast 244 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:51,400 and reactive, it actually makes everything take longer because 245 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,300 we're not being strategic and thoughtful. 246 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:58,000 And we're just, you know, in a state of anxiety like chronic 247 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:03,200 anxiety, is not the same as efficient and effective work. 248 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:07,500 There are quite different. So instead Pushing back, you can 249 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:11,700 think of it as can we slow down and take a look at this, or can 250 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:15,700 we slow down and like have this this conversation? 251 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:18,000 So I really understand what you're trying to accomplish 252 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:22,400 first and what's nice about that is when you're slowing down, you 253 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,099 can think of it. Almost like you're riding a 254 00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:29,000 horse and the horse is running full charge in One Direction. 255 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:33,200 You're not going to try to jump off that horse and stand in 256 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,100 front of it and say, hey, I'm going to push back. 257 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:41,100 You would get run over, it would not be a good scene for you or 258 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,500 the horse. You'd both feel pretty bad about 259 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,700 it, you could both get injured. But if you're riding this horse, 260 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,100 and you're going in the same direction and you just want to 261 00:17:51,108 --> 00:17:55,200 slow things down a bit. You can do that with the most 262 00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:00,300 subtle and gentle of signals just a shift in your weight. 263 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:06,600 Just a gentle change in like how you're holding yourself, can To 264 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:13,700 bring a little more slowness into the moment so that everyone 265 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,700 has a little more room to breathe. 266 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,100 It can take time to look at the situation from a few different 267 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:25,900 angles, but you're still going in the same direction and that 268 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,800 feels good. This feeling of we're going in 269 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,500 the same direction. I am with you. 270 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,700 We are on the same team. I just want to slow things down 271 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:40,300 because I'm I'm curious and that Curiosity can be very 272 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:43,900 non-threatening. It is, it doesn't have to be a 273 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,900 high conflict thing. It really changes the dynamic 274 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:52,200 and that energy, and can keep things feeling good, while still 275 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:57,700 raising some questions and pausing, the momentum to make 276 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,700 sure are we going in the right direction? 277 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,600 Is this really the best way forward? 278 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,200 With one of my clients? There was this dynamic. 279 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,700 At the higher level people. So, like the director of EP 280 00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:12,600 levels would say, oh, it needs to happen in this way. 281 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:18,100 Go do this and it can feel like oh if my upper person is telling 282 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:19,900 me to do it in this way, I guess. 283 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:21,300 I'm supposed to do it in that way. 284 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:26,200 But what happens when you slow down as you can ask, what's 285 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,100 behind that requests are they simply in a panic? 286 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:34,000 And they think this is the one clear and only way to get things 287 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,900 done or are they saying? That it has to be done this way 288 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:42,000 because of some legal compliance thing. 289 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,700 Like is there a labor law that requires things be done in this 290 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:49,600 very specific way. Let's get clear and understand 291 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:55,100 because you might have another way to accomplish the goal in a 292 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:59,200 way that actually works better for your team because, you know, 293 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,100 your team better than the folks above you. 294 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,000 They don't have the same perspective that You do. 295 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,100 And when you are in that middle position and you can say to the 296 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,100 person above you, hey let's slow down. 297 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:16,000 Let me understand where this is coming from. 298 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,300 Okay, I hear that. Here's how I'm approaching it. 299 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:24,500 And here's why it allows you to bring a little more ease into 300 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:29,600 the system, a little more perspective, a little more like 301 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,900 a little more relaxed you know, like a little less anxiety or 302 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,000 just going to turn the anxiety down like five. %. 303 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:42,000 We're going to turn the ease up telling 0, 5, 5 to 10%, create a 304 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:46,300 little more Breathing Room, a little more space and that is so 305 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:51,700 helpful both for you for your team, for the leadership that 306 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,300 is, you know, trying to figure out how we going to get all of 307 00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:57,400 this done and it doesn't require pushing back. 308 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:04,400 It just requires a willingness to slow down just a bit to be 309 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,700 curious. So, That is what I wanted to 310 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,200 offer to you today. See if you can find different 311 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,100 places in your own life and in your work to practice that see 312 00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:20,700 what happens is those really small moments that create really 313 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:24,400 big results and outcomes and also start to build that 314 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,600 confidence in yourself. No matter what situation what 315 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,200 conversation, what relationship you are in. 316 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,900 And I will tell you that is an awesome thing to know about 317 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,700 yourself that you can do. That. 318 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,900 All right, thank you so much for listening. 319 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,800 If you want to work with me, there are two ways to do that. 320 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:47,100 You can work with me one-on-one or you can get on my mailing 321 00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:49,200 list. So that you note, the next time 322 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,700 I open up my group, my group is Amazing. 323 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:56,900 By the way, I'm really enjoying this group, I've got kicked off. 324 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,400 So, all of that, is in the show notes, or just go to my website, 325 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:04,200 Kim nickel.com to learn more, have a great week. 326 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:12,300 I'll talk to you next time. Hey, before you go, if you like 327 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,700 this podcast, please leave a review. 328 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,600 Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? 329 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,200 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.