1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,600 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,500 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:24,800 You know, it's the end of the year and so I'm feeling really 5 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,800 reflective. I'm also feeling really 6 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:32,400 connected to the people in my life that I really care about. 7 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:37,700 So my family, my dear friends, my partner and for today's 8 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:41,200 episode I wanted to talk with you. 9 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:48,100 You about emotions and connection and to just slow down 10 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:55,200 a little bit to really enjoy this time of year and what often 11 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,000 can happen? Those there can be a little bit 12 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:02,500 of breathing room where even if your workplace is in crunch time 13 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,900 because for a lot of folks, this is actually the busy time of the 14 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:11,200 year, but I think what happens collectively is we all become a 15 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:17,100 Know that more reflective, we all start to look back and ask 16 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:20,100 ourselves. What was this year about? 17 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,900 How did I grow? What did I learn? 18 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,900 What were the highlights and the hard spots? 19 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:33,200 And we then cast our gaze forward into the coming here and 20 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:38,900 take a moment to ask. What do I want this next year to 21 00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:41,800 be about? And we think about out that in 22 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:46,400 terms of our personal lives, our relationships, our health, and 23 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:52,500 also, our work, our finances, you know, whatever is happening 24 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:57,100 for us in that part of our own world and in light of all of 25 00:01:57,100 --> 00:02:02,500 that, I guess there are three things I want to ground us with 26 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:06,400 in this conversation and it really is the foundation of all 27 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,699 of the work that I do with my clients and also with when I am 28 00:02:10,699 --> 00:02:15,700 teaching Oops, and it really starts with presents. 29 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,700 How can we be present to What's Happening? 30 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:24,300 Now, how can we be present with each other? 31 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:30,800 How can we be present for the emotions or the thoughts, or the 32 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,100 things that are happening? Whether we're looking inward 33 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:40,600 being present to our own internal experience or being 34 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:44,000 present. Not with what is unfolding and 35 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:50,600 happening outside of us and in front of us and this matters so 36 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:55,900 much because the opposite of presence you can think of almost 37 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:59,300 like absence. So when our attention isn't 38 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:04,100 present, it's absent from this moment when our attention isn't 39 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:09,900 here, it might be in the future. It might be in the past it might 40 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:13,900 be in an ideal. Fantasy of how we wish things 41 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,900 would be. If only everyone saw things our 42 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:23,700 way or our attention can be in kind of this dystopian, you 43 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:28,000 know, vision of how you know, seeing the worst case scenario 44 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:33,700 play out in really Vivid detail. Our attention can also be on the 45 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:39,100 hamster, wheel of rumination. So spinning around and around 46 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:44,000 and never finding any answers. Sirs and always asking, you 47 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,800 know, how and why, and I don't know, it can kind of spin in 48 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:53,300 this kind of Vortex of confusion and anxiety and I found over and 49 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,000 over again. That simply the practice of, 50 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,600 okay, can I unhook my attention from all those things and can I 51 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:06,100 just gather myself back into this moment and just take a 52 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:10,100 moment here? Can I just be present and notice 53 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,500 what I am? Experiencing and what is 54 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:19,399 unfolding here? Can go a long way to creating a 55 00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:27,000 sense of relief. I'm currently present to the big 56 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:32,100 truck outside my window that is breaking as it comes to a stop 57 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:36,500 at this traffic light that when were able to become present, it 58 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:44,800 can create a lot more ease bring a lot more awareness, a lot more 59 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:49,500 energy. We can exhaust ourselves when we 60 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,700 send our attention someplace. Else. 61 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:54,700 So that's the first thing is presence. 62 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:01,300 The second element is curiosity and by curiosity I don't mean 63 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:07,700 like an interrogation and I don't mean like digging or 64 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,700 prying to try to uncover something. 65 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,500 Instead, I want you to think about curiosity in the same way 66 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:20,300 that when you were a little kid, maybe even as a baby, you 67 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,900 couldn't talk. It, you hadn't learned how to 68 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:29,200 judge yourself. You are just This, brilliant 69 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:35,300 wide-eyed, curious, tiny human, and you were so interested. 70 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,400 You just wanted to learn about everything. 71 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:40,500 You are so interested to find out. 72 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:44,900 And that kind of curiosity, feels really good to be in 73 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:47,800 because we're not in any judgment, we're not in any 74 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:53,500 comparison and it's what allows us to To see our own situation 75 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,900 and our own self more clearly. And when we're able to see 76 00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:01,100 ourselves more clearly, with this, very loving and gentle 77 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:04,800 curiosity, it really does change everything. 78 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:08,700 It starts to open up the way. We see what's possible, it 79 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:12,800 reveals those Hidden Truths, the things that are true for you 80 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:17,500 that you weren't even fully aware of because you were in the 81 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:20,800 comparing, or you were in the self judging. 82 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:25,100 It really does change the way you see things and then it 83 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:29,100 changes the options that you see available to you. 84 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,200 And what's great about that is that, that then brings you back 85 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,700 to a feeling of agency and autonomy. 86 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:41,900 So agency, the sense that you get to decide for yourself, it's 87 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,900 not someone else who decides for you. 88 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:50,000 And autonomy, the sense that you have power over your own life, 89 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,100 over your own Decisions. And there are a lot of 90 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:57,100 situations that shape our life that we really have no control 91 00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,600 over. Like, we have no control over 92 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,700 what other people do, what other people think, we don't have 93 00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:06,400 control over the people at the highest level in the 94 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,000 organization and the decisions that they make, we truly don't 95 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,700 even have control over the people who report to us. 96 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,700 They're still autonomous humans. They get to make their own 97 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:20,800 decisions at best. We get to work cooperatively and 98 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:26,000 Italy and in a way that is of benefit to everyone in that 99 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,700 relationship. But ultimately, there's a lot, 100 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:34,600 we don't have control over, but we do have autonomy in any 101 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:39,500 situation when we begin to get curious about ourselves and our 102 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,200 experience, and how we are seeing things in the way that 103 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:46,500 we're thinking about things, and when we come back to that, it 104 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:51,200 feels really good because it's a way of creating a sense of Of 105 00:07:51,207 --> 00:07:57,500 meaning and purpose and seeing what our active role is in the 106 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:03,000 life that you're in and what's unfolding in front of you, and 107 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,100 the third part that is the foundation for everything. 108 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,700 I do is this deep sense of kindness. 109 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:13,200 And what I've noticed is that I think we often get really hard 110 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,900 on ourselves or put pressure on ourselves because we think 111 00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:21,100 that's required in order to take action or an order to follow. 112 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:26,400 Through and what I found time and time again, is that can work 113 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,600 for a while. But it doesn't work sustainably 114 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:35,000 over time because it takes too much energy becomes heavy. 115 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,200 It becomes a burden and we tend to avoid things that create a 116 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:44,000 feeling of pressure. And so, when we dial up the 117 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:50,200 kindness a little bit, if we just increase, the self-kindness 118 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:54,700 the rug, Guard that we have towards ourselves especially 119 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:58,700 when you are facing growth and a new challenge and a thing that 120 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:02,700 you've never done before and all of your insecurity and 121 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,200 uncertainty is getting activated and you're starting to feel 122 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,600 scared that you might mess up that it's all going to get found 123 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,400 out. And people will learn that. 124 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,100 Maybe you're not actually cut out for this. 125 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,700 Like when all of that gets activated that is where the 126 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:25,000 kindness helps to move forward. Even when you have uncertainty, 127 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,000 or you're dealing with a difficult person or a difficult 128 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,900 situation, when you're able to increase a bit of kindness for 129 00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:38,800 yourself, that's actually what allows you to access bigger, 130 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:44,400 ideas, more specific approaches. Like, it helps to get you out of 131 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,400 the confusion and out of this stress. 132 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,100 It allows you to sleep better, it allows you. 133 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,100 You to connect with and enjoy spending time with the people 134 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,000 that you care about. Instead of having part of your 135 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,700 mind, always at work and feeling worried about what's going to 136 00:10:02,708 --> 00:10:05,100 happen. And did you make the right call? 137 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,800 And why did you do this? And not that like that, kindness 138 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:13,000 of reminding, you know what? I am a human, sometimes that is 139 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,700 hard, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. 140 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,700 I don't have to be hard on myself. 141 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,600 It's okay. I'm a human, you know like we 142 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,900 can learn as we go that's one of the things I think is great 143 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:32,500 about humans is we're kind of designed for learning, right? 144 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:37,300 Like humans love to learn. It is interesting to keep 145 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:42,000 learning new things. So these three elements being 146 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:49,900 present, being curious being kind, really become a stable and 147 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:54,800 sustainable Foundation for growth and facing Challenge. 148 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,300 And they also are really useful for deepening the enjoyment that 149 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:04,600 you have with people that you care about and that includes 150 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,300 yourself. Imagine if you just enjoyed 151 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:12,200 spending time with yourself and you weren't always having a 152 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,000 little inner critic voice, talking to you about how you 153 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,900 could be doing things better and how things would be better if 154 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,400 only you are different. That's Nobody needs that. 155 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,600 So from this place from this Foundation, one of the other 156 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:32,200 ideas I wanted to share with you is when we become aware of what 157 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:37,300 our emotions are doing and how they are shaping our experience 158 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:42,400 in our decisions, it begins to change things in a really gentle 159 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:46,900 and really powerful way. So, for example, let's say that 160 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:50,900 you've noticed, there's tension at work, it might be with one 161 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:53,400 specific. Pacific person, or it might be 162 00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:57,000 just the vibe happening in the workplace. 163 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,900 Maybe everyone is feeling a little more tense and you're 164 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,500 thinking there's tension at work. 165 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,600 What do I do? So, the first thing we want to 166 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:12,400 do is get present and notice, what do you do by default? 167 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,800 When you notice tension at work, so we get present, right, okay? 168 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,500 There's tension at work. Let's notice what that feels 169 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,500 like. Then let's bring some curiosity. 170 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:26,200 Like, what do you do? When you notice that there's 171 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,500 tension at work? And here are some things that 172 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:32,100 might come up, you might say, well I avoid, I avoid that 173 00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:37,800 person or I avoid certain topics or I avoid certain meetings or, 174 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:42,100 you know, I just I avoid I move away from tension, maybe you try 175 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:47,100 to change it, maybe your inner people-pleaser activates 176 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:51,100 especially if that was your role in your family growing up. 177 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,100 Yup. If you were the one who would 178 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:56,800 step into deescalate things and make people feel better, you 179 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,800 might try to change the tension that you're noticing. 180 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:05,000 You also might try to adjust yourself. 181 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,900 So, instead of trying to improve things to help other people feel 182 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:14,600 better, you might take it in word and you might try to adjust 183 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,700 how you're being like, oh, maybe I'm doing something that is 184 00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:21,600 making this person uncomfortable and then you unilaterally Side. 185 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,600 I'm just going to make some changes for myself, to try to 186 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:29,300 reduce the tension. Maybe I'll not talk to them, or 187 00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,600 maybe I'll talk to them in a certain way you can over adjust 188 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,400 for yourself. You might also withdraw or 189 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:43,800 ghost, just silently step away. Remove yourself from the 190 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:47,400 conversation, and the relationship, maybe nobody will 191 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,700 notice if you just stopped showing up and then Laughing. 192 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,300 No, it does. It's funny but because I have 193 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,100 been there, I am a human. And there were times when that 194 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,700 seems like the best strategy, well, maybe nobody will notice, 195 00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:05,000 if I just silently withdraw. And the other thing that might 196 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000 happen, when you notice tension at work, you might take it 197 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,000 personally, you might think, what does this person have an 198 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,000 issue with me? Are we good? 199 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,400 What's going on? Did I do something which again, 200 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:21,000 is a really normal human thing. I think we're kind of wired. 201 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,000 Just take things personally at the beginning. 202 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,600 So we get curious about that and once you understand your 203 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:33,000 experience, so when you're feeling tension, what do you do? 204 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,100 You know, do you disengage? Do you walk on eggshells? 205 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:39,300 Do you get impatient? Do try to change things. 206 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:45,400 Do you avoid things? Like, how is your personal 207 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,100 strategy once you understand that, then we can get really 208 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:52,400 curious about? Well, Else could be going on 209 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,800 here. So for example, you might ask 210 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:59,200 like, what, what is this about and you'll have some ideas. 211 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,700 You'll have some guesses about why do you think this tension is 212 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:06,100 here? Why is this happening? 213 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:12,000 And then once you get that out in front of you, like in front, 214 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,600 where you can see, okay, this is what I'm experiencing. 215 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,000 This is why I think this is happening. 216 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,500 Then you're in a great position to intentionally choose Choose a 217 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:27,300 strategy to address it, if that is what you want to do and so 218 00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:31,200 you might be intentional about, okay, let's have a conversation 219 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,100 and clear the air about what's going on or you might be 220 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,300 intentional about speaking to your team and, and 221 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,700 acknowledging, you know, I think I know I've noticed there's 222 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,100 people seem a little tense right now and I'm wondering if it's 223 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:48,500 because, you know, the changes that are happening in the 224 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:51,900 organization, you know? What's Going on here. 225 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,500 You might choose to approach it. That way, you might even choose 226 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:59,800 to Simply acknowledge like it is a tense and stressful time and I 227 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:04,500 completely understand why people are feeling tense and in the 228 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:09,500 presence of that. Here's how I want to show up for 229 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:14,100 my team for my colleagues, I want to show up bringing a sense 230 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:19,000 of groundedness and calm and want to connect with them and 231 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,200 invite them to share what? Feeling and what they're 232 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,900 thinking about so that you know, on two levels that you have more 233 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:29,800 of the information, so you know what's going on with them. 234 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:37,000 But also so that you provide a direction-- for some of that 235 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:42,200 tension and worry to go, right? Like it's one of the ways that 236 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:48,300 you can build trust is by listening and slowing down to 237 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:52,500 connect with people to understand more about about what 238 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,600 are they experiencing and what's happening? 239 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,600 And what's interesting to, you know, remember that as humans 240 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,500 were very social creatures. So we're very tuned in to the 241 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,300 emotional tone of the humans around us. 242 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:10,500 So if you go into work one day and you notice, everyone is 243 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:16,400 walking on eggshells and seems very tense, you will probably 244 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,700 notice. And on some level, you will 245 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:23,599 decide oh, Wonder why everyone is tense and walking on 246 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,200 eggshells? Maybe, I need to be doing that 247 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,000 too. I'm suddenly now feeling a 248 00:17:28,008 --> 00:17:31,000 little more nervous and stressed and anxious. 249 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,400 What's happening? I'm not sure but now I am with 250 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,900 them. Now I am in this place of 251 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:41,500 belonging and now like I've kind of matched where they are. 252 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,400 It's super interesting. I remember this for myself 253 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,400 distinctly, like so many years ago when I was taking the bar 254 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:54,900 exam and it was a Three-day exam in this huge hotel conference 255 00:17:54,900 --> 00:18:01,200 room and it was like hundreds of very stressed out, students for 256 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,800 three days. And I knew that going into that 257 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,800 exam. I would be surrounded by people 258 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:11,400 who are had a lot of stress and I thought I don't want to manage 259 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,500 their stress. I can only manage mine and so 260 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,800 I'm going to be very intentional about for myself like imagining 261 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,900 this little bubble of safety around. 262 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,000 Myself. So that the stress around me 263 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:28,000 doesn't land in me and it's just going to kind of bounce off. 264 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,900 And that way I'm going to be surrounded by people who are 265 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,700 really stressed, but I'm not going to let that affect me. 266 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:38,400 I'm going to really manage my side. 267 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:43,000 I'm going to really manage myself and I'm there to focus on 268 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,700 how I can bring more calm and groundedness into that room 269 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:51,600 because I certainly need that. And I want One else who comes 270 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,900 into contact with me, I want them to get a little bit of that 271 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,000 calm. And that groundedness to so, 272 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,500 when you're thinking on the Strategic level of, if I walk 273 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:07,900 into a room with people who are feeling tense, I am going to 274 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:12,100 make an intentional choice for how I want to show up in the 275 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,900 presence of that, and that becomes really powerful. 276 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:19,700 If the room you're walking into is one where people look to you 277 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,700 for leadership. And guidance and that has 278 00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:28,000 nothing to do with your title. By the way, I mean, we've 279 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,500 probably all worked with someone who was not officially a manager 280 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:38,000 but they really could influence the emotional tone of how people 281 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:45,200 felt just their presence alone. Could either tip people into 282 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:50,500 being more anxious or more cynical or could tip people into 283 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,800 Feeling more hopeful, more optimistic, more calm, more 284 00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:00,900 focused and it's helpful, you know, speaking of autonomy, 285 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:07,700 speaking of agency, you are always in the best position to 286 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:13,600 influence when you are aware of what's happening for you and the 287 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:18,700 intention that you choose to bring into a situation. 288 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:24,100 So whether that is acknowledging that there's tension at work and 289 00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:29,500 how you want to address it. Whether it is acknowledging that 290 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:36,400 the emotion of discomfort, like a fear of someone's anger or a 291 00:20:36,408 --> 00:20:42,400 fear of someone's volatility is activating for you, the behavior 292 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,400 of avoidance. Like you want to be really clear 293 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,200 about what are you choosing and why? 294 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,800 And the way we get there is through this Foundation of 295 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:58,800 presence and curiosity and kindness and I'm sharing all of 296 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,800 this with you. Now, as we come into the end of 297 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:05,900 the year because this is such a reflective time and it's a time 298 00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:10,200 to also connect with the people that matter most to you and it's 299 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,800 hard to do that. If part of your brain is worried 300 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,800 about work or thinking about stressful, work things, the more 301 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:21,700 that you learn how to direct your Or attention, the more you 302 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:26,900 learn how to bring that quality of curiosity, that can gently 303 00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:31,700 untangle, the not and slow the wheel of anxiety and the more 304 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:35,400 that you are able to bring a little more kindness and a 305 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,500 little more compassion, to yourself as a human, the better. 306 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:45,200 It makes everything like it pays off in your immediate experience 307 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,300 as a human, as a colleague, as a manager. 308 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:52,900 And in all The relationships with the people in your life so 309 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:55,100 my hope for you and my wish for you. 310 00:21:55,100 --> 00:22:00,000 As you come into the end of this year is that you feel more calm 311 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,300 and grounded, you feel more kindness and compassion for 312 00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:08,500 yourself and you feel a real sense of autonomy and a sense of 313 00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:12,300 possibility for what's next? So that is what I wanted to 314 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:15,300 share with you today. Thank you so much for listening 315 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:24,100 and I'll talk to you next time. Hey, before you go if you like 316 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:29,500 this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what 317 00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:31,700 has helped you? Thanks so much. 318 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:24,100 I'll see you next time. Hey, before you go if you like 319 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:29,500 this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what 320 00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:31,700 has helped you? Thanks so much. 321 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:32,900 I'll see you next time.