Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome.
I'm so glad that you're here. And as an initial starting
point, I would like to invite you to take a big stretch to
just read your arms out, take a big stretch, and then maybe
bring your arms in and reach one hand around the back of your
shoulder and give yourself a little pat on the back.
Just a little pat on the back to acknowledge yourself for making
it this far. We are now in July.
And if you are like me and my other listeners, you know, we've
all been learning to adapt very quickly.
We've all been finding new ways to make work work, especially
while we are at home and under all kinds of unexpected, living
situations with kids. and with family and with partners, and I
believe, It is always a valuable choice to just pause, give
yourself a pat on the back, appreciate where you're at, and
how you got here? Because now that it's July, a
lot of us are going to be doing mid-year reviews, whether you're
doing this as part of your formal performance of review
process at work, or if it's just part of your own.
Own personal practice to pause at the middle of the Year.
Notice where you've been think about, where you're going and
what's to come. And I know that for a lot of
you, things might still be very uncertain with respect to your
company, or your industry, during the rest of the year.
I've been hearing from a lot of my other students and colleagues
that they will be working from home for the rest of the year.
I have friends who are starting new jobs and they will be
on-boarded from home. They won't actually meet the
team that they're working with. And so this this entire, you
know, the entire shape of the world right now, especially as
it effects, our work is something that is really
interesting. Let's say and that we're both
adapting to but also worst So learning to figure out.
So give yourself credit for that as an initial starting point and
because we're in that mid-year review cycle, I wanted to share
some thoughts with you about feedback because it's such an
important part of managing humans.
And most of us don't really get a lot of guidance on how to do
that. Well, we often will learn just
by observing In how others have given feedback to us.
And if we're being quite honest, people are not always good at it
and related to that. They can feel very
uncomfortable, especially if you are giving feedback about
something that needs to change or a correction.
Or for example, if somebody wanted a promotion or a salary
increase and you have to give them the feedback about why that
is not not going to happen on the timeline that they are
wanting. So there can be a lot of emotion
and a lot of uncomfortableness that shows up and I want you to
feel more equipped for those conversations, it for two
reasons. Number one, learning how to give
good. Feedback is a skill.
You will use for the rest of your life.
Not just in your career but with other humans in your life to the
ability to give Feedback to let people know what you are
perceiving what you would like to have change what you are
appreciating about them, whether the feedback is positive or
negative the ability to do it, effectively becomes really
useful. And number two I want you to
feel more equipped to give great feedback because this is also
how we build relationships that we Joy with people that we work
with. And if I'm being honest with
people in our personal lives to giving a feedback is a way that
we build trust, it's a way that we build connection and it's
also really easy to just not do it well or to neglect it all
together. So even though feedback is
typically a topic that I explore at length with my students in
one-on-one coaching or in the workshops that I teach, I wanted
to give you one very specific perspective and idea that I
think will help and it's this Be specific.
And what I mean by that is When we give feedback, we tend to get
a little bit sloppy when we go General and general tends, not
to be as helpful because people want to understand specifically
what did they do, well or what did they not do well.
And one example that I want to share with you Is the feedback
that one of my students came to me with.
She said, I'm trying to give this feedback to someone on my
team and then all we do is kind of argue about it.
They push back, like I don't really know what to do with
them. You know, what do you think?
And the feedback that she was getting was this?
You're being unprofessional. And what came out when I was
coaching her, I was really challenging her to get deeper
into. What is that mean?
Like, what is professional mean, because the feedback you're
being unprofessional. I can totally see why somebody
would push back or fight about that because it feels really
vague. It feels really General, like
what is it that they're doing that is unprofessional.
And as we explored it, she identified a few things and I
said, okay, great. So here's what I'd like for you
to try is when you have your next one-on-one and you have
this topic come up instead of saying unprofessional because
that's really a judgment. It's like you've made an
observation of something and then you've called it
unprofessional. Instead, I want you to just get
very specific, very precise about what is the thing you're
observing? So you might say, okay, I've
noticed that you showed up late to our client meeting.
I noticed that That the first five minutes of our meeting, you
are shuffling your notes, trying to get organized.
And what I would like to see is for you to show up, punctually
on time with your notes already in place, so that we can just
begin our conversation right away and the bigger sort of
Distinction here that I, that I want you to see is the
difference between naming the behavior that you observe.
And naming the judgment about what it means.
So in this case, the behavior is showing up late, shuffling notes
unprepared, that's the behavior. What it means is, you can call
it I'm professional or you can call it whatever but it's a lot
easier to work with the specific observed Behavior.
Than it is to speak to the judgement of what it means
because that's something that we can argue about, or have
different opinions on. And it's much more helpful and
there's a lot less to fight about when we pull it into the
behavior. So a couple of things that will
help make this easier for you. Number one, check your own
emotions because typically what happens is will make an
observation and we'll make it mean something.
And then we'll have a really strong feeling about it
immediately and then we are kind of out of our Center and we are
coming in frustrated or uncomfortable.
After bubble trying to confront somebody, but instead when we
stay, you know, we slow down, notice the emotion, you know,
it's fine that it's there, you don't need to change it, but
just, you got to notice it first so that you're not being
unintentional with the way that you're speaking to someone.
And then once you have your emotion settled and you have a
conversation, it can go a lot easier.
And one additional note, I want to offer to you.
Okay. So now you've got name, the
behavior. not the judgment about what it means and then and this
is super helpful if you are wanting to support someone in
correcting or adjusting something that they're doing at
work is you can ask them what's getting in the way So in this
example of someone who is showing up late notes were
unprepared name, the behavior, I noticed that I noticed this and
I want and I'm curious to know like what's getting in the way
especially if this is something that you're seeing as a pattern
or a habit like what's getting in the way and see what they say
they might have never thought about it before, or they might
have something that is happening.
That is Getting in the way of their ability to meet the
expectation or the agreement about how they're supposed to be
working. And I like this question, too,
because getting in the way tends to bring a sense of belief that
this person is a competent person that they're not trying
to mess up or they're not trying to not do something right.
It just opens up a possibility for a new kind of conversation.
Especially if you come to it from a place of genuine
curiosity and kindness. You know some things that we Do
at work and truly in life is we often want to manage how other
people see us. And you might have someone at
work or this might be you or even if you're struggling with
something you don't want anyone to know because you're afraid of
what they'll think if they see you struggling.
And so you might have a person like that, they might not come
to you and they're having a hard time with something because they
just want to. They want you to think that they
can handle it. But if you see like something
isn't working here, then coming to them, you know, being willing
to be direct naming the behavior, not what it means and
not the Judgment asking. You know, what's getting in the
way or even asking, how can I help like?
Let's figure this out. Can really go a long way to
building a relationship of trust where people can grow and be
fully human and things can work better.
Because I will tell you and you already know this, like the
absence of trust. And poor communication.
Really does interfere in our ability to do our best work.
It. Interferes in our ability to
show up as our best self at work with others.
And it's something that we can change.
It's something that we really do have the ability to influence.
So these are some thoughts about feedback.
I hope you start to bring some of it into your own life, either
personal or professional. Mal because the truth is being a
human happens in both places and I want you to enjoy your
experience of being a human and I want you to grow and Thrive at
work at home and everywhere you are on the planet.
Thanks so much for listening. Do you want personal
confidential help with your situation at work?
I offer one-on-one coaching and can help you overcome challenges
reach your goals and become a more effective leader to
schedule a consult. Go to my website, Kim nickel.com
coaching and we'll schedule time to talk about what's going on
with you and how I can help talk to you soon.