1
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600
Welcome to the new manager 
podcast. 

2
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:19,100
I'm your host, Kim nickel. 
Hello and welcome. 

3
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:24,000
I'm so glad that you're here. 
And as an initial starting 

4
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,900
point, I would like to invite 
you to take a big stretch to 

5
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:36,800
just read your arms out, take a 
big stretch, and then maybe 

6
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:42,000
bring your arms in and reach one
hand around the back of your 

7
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,600
shoulder and give yourself a 
little pat on the back. 

8
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:52,000
Just a little pat on the back to
acknowledge yourself for making 

9
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,200
it this far. 
We are now in July. 

10
00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:00,500
And if you are like me and my 
other listeners, you know, we've

11
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,700
all been learning to adapt very 
quickly. 

12
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:09,600
We've all been finding new ways 
to make work work, especially 

13
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:14,700
while we are at home and under 
all kinds of unexpected, living 

14
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:20,200
situations with kids. and with 
family and with partners, and I 

15
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:29,500
believe, It is always a valuable
choice to just pause, give 

16
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:34,300
yourself a pat on the back, 
appreciate where you're at, and 

17
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:39,500
how you got here? 
Because now that it's July, a 

18
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,700
lot of us are going to be doing 
mid-year reviews, whether you're

19
00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:48,400
doing this as part of your 
formal performance of review 

20
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,700
process at work, or if it's just
part of your own. 

21
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:56,300
Own personal practice to pause 
at the middle of the Year. 

22
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,700
Notice where you've been think 
about, where you're going and 

23
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,600
what's to come. 
And I know that for a lot of 

24
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,300
you, things might still be very 
uncertain with respect to your 

25
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:12,100
company, or your industry, 
during the rest of the year. 

26
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,900
I've been hearing from a lot of 
my other students and colleagues

27
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,600
that they will be working from 
home for the rest of the year. 

28
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,800
I have friends who are starting 
new jobs and they will be 

29
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,700
on-boarded from home. 
They won't actually meet the 

30
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:37,300
team that they're working with. 
And so this this entire, you 

31
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:40,400
know, the entire shape of the 
world right now, especially as 

32
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:45,200
it effects, our work is 
something that is really 

33
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:49,400
interesting. 
Let's say and that we're both 

34
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,000
adapting to but also worst So 
learning to figure out. 

35
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:58,800
So give yourself credit for that
as an initial starting point and

36
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:04,200
because we're in that mid-year 
review cycle, I wanted to share 

37
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:08,800
some thoughts with you about 
feedback because it's such an 

38
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,500
important part of managing 
humans. 

39
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:15,900
And most of us don't really get 
a lot of guidance on how to do 

40
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:20,800
that. 
Well, we often will learn just 

41
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,900
by observing In how others have 
given feedback to us. 

42
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:30,600
And if we're being quite honest,
people are not always good at it

43
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,500
and related to that. 
They can feel very 

44
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:38,400
uncomfortable, especially if you
are giving feedback about 

45
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,100
something that needs to change 
or a correction. 

46
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:47,200
Or for example, if somebody 
wanted a promotion or a salary 

47
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,100
increase and you have to give 
them the feedback about why that

48
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,800
is not not going to happen on 
the timeline that they are 

49
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,400
wanting. 
So there can be a lot of emotion

50
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,800
and a lot of uncomfortableness 
that shows up and I want you to 

51
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:07,200
feel more equipped for those 
conversations, it for two 

52
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,500
reasons. 
Number one, learning how to give

53
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,200
good. 
Feedback is a skill. 

54
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,300
You will use for the rest of 
your life. 

55
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:20,700
Not just in your career but with
other humans in your life to the

56
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:24,600
ability to give Feedback to let 
people know what you are 

57
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:30,000
perceiving what you would like 
to have change what you are 

58
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:34,700
appreciating about them, whether
the feedback is positive or 

59
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:38,700
negative the ability to do it, 
effectively becomes really 

60
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:42,400
useful. 
And number two I want you to 

61
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:47,700
feel more equipped to give great
feedback because this is also 

62
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:53,800
how we build relationships that 
we Joy with people that we work 

63
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,600
with. 
And if I'm being honest with 

64
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,200
people in our personal lives to 
giving a feedback is a way that 

65
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:05,400
we build trust, it's a way that 
we build connection and it's 

66
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,100
also really easy to just not do 
it well or to neglect it all 

67
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,900
together. 
So even though feedback is 

68
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:18,300
typically a topic that I explore
at length with my students in 

69
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:21,800
one-on-one coaching or in the 
workshops that I teach, I wanted

70
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:28,400
to give you one very specific 
perspective and idea that I 

71
00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:34,600
think will help and it's this Be
specific. 

72
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:42,900
And what I mean by that is When 
we give feedback, we tend to get

73
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:51,700
a little bit sloppy when we go 
General and general tends, not 

74
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:56,000
to be as helpful because people 
want to understand specifically 

75
00:05:56,700 --> 00:06:02,200
what did they do, well or what 
did they not do well. 

76
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:10,800
And one example that I want to 
share with you Is the feedback 

77
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,600
that one of my students came to 
me with. 

78
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,800
She said, I'm trying to give 
this feedback to someone on my 

79
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,600
team and then all we do is kind 
of argue about it. 

80
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,900
They push back, like I don't 
really know what to do with 

81
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,400
them. 
You know, what do you think? 

82
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:29,400
And the feedback that she was 
getting was this? 

83
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:36,200
You're being unprofessional. 
And what came out when I was 

84
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,800
coaching her, I was really 
challenging her to get deeper 

85
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,200
into. 
What is that mean? 

86
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:44,400
Like, what is professional mean,
because the feedback you're 

87
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,800
being unprofessional. 
I can totally see why somebody 

88
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,500
would push back or fight about 
that because it feels really 

89
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,500
vague. 
It feels really General, like 

90
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:56,000
what is it that they're doing 
that is unprofessional. 

91
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,400
And as we explored it, she 
identified a few things and I 

92
00:06:59,407 --> 00:07:02,000
said, okay, great. 
So here's what I'd like for you 

93
00:07:02,008 --> 00:07:07,500
to try is when you have your 
next one-on-one and you have 

94
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:11,700
this topic come up instead of 
saying unprofessional because 

95
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,100
that's really a judgment. 
It's like you've made an 

96
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,200
observation of something and 
then you've called it 

97
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,100
unprofessional. 
Instead, I want you to just get 

98
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:23,500
very specific, very precise 
about what is the thing you're 

99
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:26,700
observing? 
So you might say, okay, I've 

100
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:32,100
noticed that you showed up late 
to our client meeting. 

101
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:35,900
I noticed that That the first 
five minutes of our meeting, you

102
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,400
are shuffling your notes, trying
to get organized. 

103
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,300
And what I would like to see is 
for you to show up, punctually 

104
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:46,400
on time with your notes already 
in place, so that we can just 

105
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:51,100
begin our conversation right 
away and the bigger sort of 

106
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,300
Distinction here that I, that I 
want you to see is the 

107
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:59,800
difference between naming the 
behavior that you observe. 

108
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:04,600
And naming the judgment about 
what it means. 

109
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:11,100
So in this case, the behavior is
showing up late, shuffling notes

110
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:17,600
unprepared, that's the behavior.
What it means is, you can call 

111
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,500
it I'm professional or you can 
call it whatever but it's a lot 

112
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:26,900
easier to work with the specific
observed Behavior. 

113
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:32,900
Than it is to speak to the 
judgement of what it means 

114
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:35,100
because that's something that we
can argue about, or have 

115
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:41,100
different opinions on. 
And it's much more helpful and 

116
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:46,600
there's a lot less to fight 
about when we pull it into the 

117
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,400
behavior. 
So a couple of things that will 

118
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,900
help make this easier for you. 
Number one, check your own 

119
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,800
emotions because typically what 
happens is will make an 

120
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,100
observation and we'll make it 
mean something. 

121
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:00,100
And then we'll have a really 
strong feeling about it 

122
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:05,900
immediately and then we are kind
of out of our Center and we are 

123
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,000
coming in frustrated or 
uncomfortable. 

124
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:13,300
After bubble trying to confront 
somebody, but instead when we 

125
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:17,100
stay, you know, we slow down, 
notice the emotion, you know, 

126
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,700
it's fine that it's there, you 
don't need to change it, but 

127
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:22,300
just, you got to notice it first
so that you're not being 

128
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,100
unintentional with the way that 
you're speaking to someone. 

129
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:30,600
And then once you have your 
emotion settled and you have a 

130
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,200
conversation, it can go a lot 
easier. 

131
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,900
And one additional note, I want 
to offer to you. 

132
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,800
Okay. 
So now you've got name, the 

133
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:47,200
behavior. not the judgment about
what it means and then and this 

134
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:52,200
is super helpful if you are 
wanting to support someone in 

135
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,200
correcting or adjusting 
something that they're doing at 

136
00:09:55,200 --> 00:10:02,100
work is you can ask them what's 
getting in the way So in this 

137
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:05,900
example of someone who is 
showing up late notes were 

138
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:11,600
unprepared name, the behavior, I
noticed that I noticed this and 

139
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,100
I want and I'm curious to know 
like what's getting in the way 

140
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,500
especially if this is something 
that you're seeing as a pattern 

141
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:22,600
or a habit like what's getting 
in the way and see what they say

142
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:27,300
they might have never thought 
about it before, or they might 

143
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,700
have something that is 
happening. 

144
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:36,600
That is Getting in the way of 
their ability to meet the 

145
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,400
expectation or the agreement 
about how they're supposed to be

146
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,800
working. 
And I like this question, too, 

147
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:49,600
because getting in the way tends
to bring a sense of belief that 

148
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,600
this person is a competent 
person that they're not trying 

149
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:58,900
to mess up or they're not trying
to not do something right. 

150
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:04,300
It just opens up a possibility 
for a new kind of conversation. 

151
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,500
Especially if you come to it 
from a place of genuine 

152
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:12,400
curiosity and kindness. 
You know some things that we Do 

153
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:17,600
at work and truly in life is we 
often want to manage how other 

154
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,800
people see us. 
And you might have someone at 

155
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,700
work or this might be you or 
even if you're struggling with 

156
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:27,000
something you don't want anyone 
to know because you're afraid of

157
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,300
what they'll think if they see 
you struggling. 

158
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,300
And so you might have a person 
like that, they might not come 

159
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,600
to you and they're having a hard
time with something because they

160
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,500
just want to. 
They want you to think that they

161
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:41,000
can handle it. 
But if you see like something 

162
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:45,300
isn't working here, then coming 
to them, you know, being willing

163
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:48,900
to be direct naming the 
behavior, not what it means and 

164
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,800
not the Judgment asking. 
You know, what's getting in the 

165
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,100
way or even asking, how can I 
help like? 

166
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:59,400
Let's figure this out. 
Can really go a long way to 

167
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:05,200
building a relationship of trust
where people can grow and be 

168
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,200
fully human and things can work 
better. 

169
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:17,100
Because I will tell you and you 
already know this, like the 

170
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:22,500
absence of trust. 
And poor communication. 

171
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,800
Really does interfere in our 
ability to do our best work. 

172
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,100
It. 
Interferes in our ability to 

173
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,500
show up as our best self at work
with others. 

174
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,900
And it's something that we can 
change. 

175
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,000
It's something that we really do
have the ability to influence. 

176
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,800
So these are some thoughts about
feedback. 

177
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,900
I hope you start to bring some 
of it into your own life, either

178
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,500
personal or professional. 
Mal because the truth is being a

179
00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:56,100
human happens in both places and
I want you to enjoy your 

180
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,900
experience of being a human and 
I want you to grow and Thrive at

181
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:03,100
work at home and everywhere you 
are on the planet. 

182
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:11,700
Thanks so much for listening. 
Do you want personal 

183
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,600
confidential help with your 
situation at work? 

184
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:18,800
I offer one-on-one coaching and 
can help you overcome challenges

185
00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:23,400
reach your goals and become a 
more effective leader to 

186
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:27,800
schedule a consult. 
Go to my website, Kim nickel.com

187
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,300
coaching and we'll schedule time
to talk about what's going on 

188
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:35,400
with you and how I can help talk
to you soon.