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Welcome to the New Manager 
Podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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If you already follow me on 
LinkedIn, then you might have 

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seen the story that I am about 
to share with you. 

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If you don't yet follow me on 
LinkedIn, then I invite you to 

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connect with me over there. 
So last week I had an incredible

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opportunity to meet one of my 
clients in person for the first 

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time and she we took a a photo 
and she posted it along with 

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this short story onto her 
LinkedIn page. 

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And so the photo is of the two 
of us standing in a Blue Bottle 

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coffee shop in San Francisco, 
and she is holding a copy of my 

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book. 
You might not know that I am an 

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author and that I have written 
books because I don't often talk

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about them here. 
But it's it's a it's a true 

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thing that I've done. 
And this book is called Every 

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Day Meeting Life in a Mindful 
Way. 

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And Miriam received this book in
Paris when she went to the award

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ceremony for the Cartier Women's
Initiative. 

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She's one of the fellows in the 
cohort this year, and some of 

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you might know because I 
mentioned this a while back, but

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this year I've been working with
the Cartier Women's Initiative 

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to support the well-being 
programming for the cohort of 

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entrepreneurs. 
And it's a really cool program. 

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I definitely recommend seeing 
what they're up to, learning 

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more about them. 
And so Miriam and I connected 

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through this program. 
She also received a copy of my 

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book. 
And oh, and also, Miriam lives 

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in Armenia. 
She is at Armenian. 

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She lives in Armenia. 
Her company is based there. 

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Her company is called Safe U and
she is working to help people 

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who are experiencing gender 
based violence in the world. 

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She's creating more safety for 
vulnerable populations of 

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people. 
And she had come to San 

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Francisco for a conference. 
And that is why, even though we 

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met online, you know, while 
she's been in Armenia and also 

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traveling for work, when it I 
learned that she was coming to 

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San Francisco for this 
conference, I thought, Oh my 

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gosh, what an opportunity we 
have to meet in person. 

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So we met, we took this great 
photo, we had a coffee, we had a

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great conversation. 
And then this is what Miriam had

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to share on her post, she said. 
This morning in San Francisco, I

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had a truly inspiring meeting 
with Kim Nickel, my incredible 

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coach, a great author, and a 
podcast host. 

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Kim specializes in empowering 
leaders to master the art of 

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nurturing life and fostering 
growth, focusing on the profound

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human aspects of life and work. 
Being in her presence is an 

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immediate source of serenity and
tranquility. 

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It's a powerful reminder that 
women like Kim bring invaluable 

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gifts to our world growth, 
humanity, and peace. 

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I'm thrilled to have her book 
Every Day, Meeting Life in a 

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mindful way, personally signed 
for both me and my daughter. 

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I'm thankful to Kim for her 
support during my leadership 

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journey within the Safe U 
mission. 

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Her wisdom has been important in
our shared pursuit of positive 

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change. 
Grateful to Cartier Women's 

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Initiative for this connection, 
and I loved that so much. 

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I love the way that she 
described this work. 

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And I'm gonna include you in 
this work, too, because you're 

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listening, because you're part 
of the, you know, my, my 

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listening community. 
And because the way I think 

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about leadership and the way I 
think about the opportunity that

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we have when we step into higher
levels of responsibility, higher

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levels of visibility and higher 
levels of power in our 

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organizations, which is what 
happens when we become new 

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managers, is that this is also 
how we nurture life and foster 

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growth. 
When we remember that we are 

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humans first, that we are 
working with humans and we are 

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being very intentional in the 
way that we do that. 

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And this is a perspective that I
hold. 

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It's the way that you know 
everything that informs what I 

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share with you here and the way 
that I coach and work with my 

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clients. 
And I want to tell you that this

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is also, this is, this is not a 
requirement. 

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It is entirely possible to be a 
leader and to be seen, as I'm 

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going to put this in air quotes,
effective. 

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You can be seen as an effective 
leader without holding this 

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perspective. 
And the reason this matters is 

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because so much about leadership
is within and up to your 

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individual discretion, how you 
lead, how you manage. 

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You are the one who is making 
decisions about that. 

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Now. 
I think at at its worst, when we

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see this in ways that have us 
feeling really discouraged or 

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seeing kind of the the way 
things work out in a very 

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disappointing or sad way in the 
workplace is when we see people 

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who are being just simply 
arbitrary, when leaders seem to 

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be making random choices based 
on personal wins. 

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And it's really frustrating, 
right? 

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So arbitrary is when things are 
based on random choice or 

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personal win. 
And I think we've got examples 

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of that both in the real world 
where we see people, people in 

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leadership positions making 
decisions and we think what are 

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they doing Like that is that 
does not seem to be based on 

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anything other than this 
person's individual random, you 

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know, decision, random personal 
win. 

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And then on the other side of 
it, though we have the idea of 

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things being within your 
discretion, discretion is a 

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little bit different. 
Discretion is the freedom to 

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decide what to do in a 
particular situation. 

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And for example, last week I had
to bring my car in to be 

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serviced. 
And the person who helped me was

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so helpful, was so wonderful. 
And at the end of the service, 

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when I came back to pick up my 
car, he said, oh, and we've also

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decided to give you a 10% 
loyalty discount today. 

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And I was, I mean, honestly, 
just very delighted and 

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surprised. 
And it was. 

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So I thought, Oh my gosh, that's
so thoughtful. 

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You didn't have to do that. 
My guess is that it was within 

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his discretion. 
He had the freedom to decide 

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what to do in a particular 
situation, and this is true for 

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you as well. 
Throughout your career, whether 

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you are in a formal leadership 
role or not, you are always 

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making decisions. 
You always have different, uh, 

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freedoms to choose what will 
happen and when. 

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You are stepping into this 
leadership role and the 

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decisions that you make will 
have a ripple effect on many, 

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many, many other people. 
Then it really is in your hands 

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to decide how do you want to do 
this, What kind of leader do you

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want to be, What kind of manager
do you want to be? 

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And so I think of this also as a
bit of an art. 

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Like, you know, there's there's 
a little bit of getting to 

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decide how you want to approach 
things, what your underlying 

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philosophy is. 
You know, like the way that you 

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perceive and think about people 
and challenges and the work 

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you're there to do will 
absolutely inform the decisions 

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that you make that will affect 
your team and the work and the 

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way things get done and why. 
And so remembering that that 

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number one will be helpful if 
you find yourself going into 

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comparison mode. 
Like if you're trying to decide,

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oh shit, I is it OK if I manage 
people in a way that, you know, 

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is really kind? 
Is it OK if I have a generosity 

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of spirit? 
Or is that considered being, you

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know, like a pushover? 
Like being able to feel into the

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distinction between how it's 
entirely possible to be kind, to

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have a generosity of spirit with
people, and also be really 

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clear, be really direct, be 
really upfront about what the 

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expectations are, about how 
individuals fit into the bigger 

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picture. 
All of that can be true at the 

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same time. 
And that's one of the reasons, 

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for example, when I teach about 
giving feedback, I make this 

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distinction between we don't 
need to be brutally honest 

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because I believe there is no 
need for brutality in our 

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relationships at work. 
I don't think it solves 

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anything. 
I don't think it helps anything.

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I I just don't think it's 
necessary. 

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So there's no need for for 
brutal honesty and at the same 

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time we don't need to be around 
the Bush or kind of talk about 

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things in a sideways kind of 
way. 

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It actually takes a lot of 
respect and a lot of courage to 

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turn toward someone and to name 
the difficult or the 

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uncomfortable thing to say, OK, 
this is might be an 

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uncomfortable conversation or 
this might be difficult to hear.

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But the reason I'm telling you 
is because if I don't make it 

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clear, if I don't help you 
understand or see this, then 

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it's going to end up just, you 
know, being more protracted and 

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difficult down the road. 
Like, if I don't tell you this 

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thing now, then how can I expect
you to learn or adjust or change

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or grow, right? 
The sense of the reason I'm 

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being direct is because I have 
so much respect for you and I 

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don't want to keep this 
information from you. 

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So we can really approach giving
feedback in a way that 

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understands and really respects 
the human experience part of it.

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And we're doing it not through 
being brutally honest. 

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And we're also not just kind of,
you know, trying to avoid 

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hurting someone's feelings by 
not telling them something that 

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is actually quite important, 
especially if it's about their 

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performance or especially if it 
could potentially affect their 

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career growth. 
So you have so much discretion 

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in how you choose to be a 
leader, in how you choose to 

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manage people. 
And a lot of the time, I see my 

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job as helping you to learn how 
to trust your own voice and 

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judgment, because you are the 
one who is in your position and 

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like needing to make decisions 
on the day, right? 

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And it can be so easy to try to 
look to others and try to 

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understand like, oh, like, 
what's the right answer? 

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What's the right approach? 
But really, I I want to help 

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build in you an internal 
compass, like an internal sense 

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of what is it that guides your 
decision making? 

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Can you understand what your 
decisions are based on? 

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Can you make room for yourself 
to do things in a way that maybe

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hasn't been modeled before, 
meaning other people might 

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question or challenge or say, Oh
well, that's not how we do 

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things here and yet still offer 
you that sense of internal 

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confidence where you say, I know
this is not how we've done 

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things in the past and yet this 
is how I would like to approach 

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things now For these reasons. 
And it might be the reason of I 

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think it's time for us to change
the way that we do things. 

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I think the shape of our 
business or the situation that 

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our clients are experiencing or 
something happening within our 

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organization, I think it's 
signaling it. 

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There's it's time to perhaps 
approach this in a different 

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way. 
And so we can work in a very 

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collaborative and very kind and 
very supportive way, even as we 

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are looking to perhaps do things
differently than they have been 

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done in the past or than they 
have been role modeled for us. 

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And this really is, in my mind, 
one of the essential examples of

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what it is to be a leader. 
Because sometimes being a leader

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means going first. 
Because you see a vision of 

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what's possible but doesn't 
exist yet. 

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You have something in mind. 
You have a vision of how we can 

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work together to accomplish 
these goals or to achieve these 

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results. 
And maybe nobody else can see it

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yet. 
But from who you are and where 

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you are and the way you see 
things, that's that leadership 

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place and then the discretion to
decide based on that vision. 

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Here's how I will manage this 
situation. 

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Here's how I will manage this 
person, this relationship, 

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right. 
This is how I will manage this 

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moment. 
All of that is something that 

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you can initiate, that sits 
within you, and that is 

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definitely a mindset shift. 
You know, often for us, early in

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our career, the job is about 
learning the job. 

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What am I supposed to do? 
And someone will say, here's the

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thing I need you to do and you 
need to do it in this way, 

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Great. 
But that changes the longer 

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you're in your career and the 
more that you grow into higher 

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levels of leadership. 
Because often what happens is 

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you'll find yourself in 
situations you've never been in 

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before, and you might find 
yourself in situations that no 

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one has been in before. 
So there's no pre written guide 

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to how you are supposed to do 
things. 

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It is a lot of making decisions 
in the moment based on your 

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discretion, your perspective, 
your underlying reasons, the 

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vision that you see of what's 
possible. 

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And then part of that job is to 
communicate to others what they 

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need to know in order to be on 
board and in order to know what 

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they are supposed to do now. 
I think we all want to have an 

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understanding of how we fit into
the big picture. 

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And we want to have clarity 
about what is expected of us and

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what we need to be doing now so 
that we can feel successful that

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we're doing the thing we're 
supposed to be doing and that we

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are not going to, you know, be 
scolded or, you know, have 

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someone say, like, that was not 
what you were supposed to be 

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doing or you did it all wrong. 
It's like if you want me to do a

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certain thing in a certain way, 
please tell me clearly so that I

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can get to it right. 
And this is a lot of what that 

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job is now as you move from that
individual worker contributor 

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role into this new mindset. 
So these are kind of the main 

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concepts I wanted to share with 
you today. 

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The awareness of the way that 
being a leader can be very 

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arbitrary. 
But when we come back to this 

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idea of it's in your discretion,
every decision, if you have the 

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freedom to decide how things 
will be done, then that's 

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something we want to understand 
and to identify and feel 

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comfortable with the basis for 
your decisions because they 

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might look different than 
someone else's. 

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And the perspective that I hold,
that I'm guessing is also true 

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of you. 
Otherwise you'd probably be 

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listening to some other show 
that being a leader is about 

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nurturing life. 
It is about nurturing growth. 

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It is about helping not just, 
you know, the people on our 

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teams to grow in their careers, 
but it's also about how do we 

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contribute to, like, life and 
growth in the organizations and 

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the people that we are connected
to. 

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One of the things I've written 
in one of my books is this idea 

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that as a human, you were born 
and you were gifted with a life 

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and you do not get to keep it. 
You only get to choose how 

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you're going to give it away. 
Every day and in every day, 

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we're making decisions about how
we're directing and giving our 

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attention, our energy, our 
talent, our skills, our time. 

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That's some of the most 
important decisions that we make

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as people. 
And then also in our career and 

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in our profession, you're gifted
with a life. 

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You do not get to keep it. 
You only get to choose how you 

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want to give it away. 
So seeing yourself as a leader 

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and as someone who is here to 
help make things better. 

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And and and this is my, perhaps 
my last note for today. 

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Realizing that sometimes it is 
the smallest decisions, the 

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smallest choices that can have 
the biggest ripple effects and 

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in ways that you may not even 
fully appreciate, You know, I 

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mean simply by taking a few 
moments to really be present 

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with someone at work can make 
such a big difference. 

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So that is what I wanted to 
share with you today and I want 

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to invite you to work with me. 
There are a couple ways to do 

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that. 
I am taking one-on-one clients 

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so you can go into the show 
notes, book a time on my 

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calendar for a consultation, 
gives us time to meet to talk 

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about what is going on with you 
and what would be the plan for 

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us to support you and help get 
you where you want to go and to 

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have the leadership experience 
you want to have. 

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So that is in the show notes 
Book time on my calendar and 

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let's talk about one-on-one 
coaching. 

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Or if you want to know about my 
group program, make sure you get

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on my mailing list. 
I will be talking more about 

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that and when you can sign up 
and that is also in the show 

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notes or you can go to my 
website kimnickel.com, you'll 

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learn all about that. 
Lastly, if you are curious about

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my books, if you're still 
thinking, wait, she wrote books 

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about mindfulness and life. 
If you want to know more about 

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that, I am on Amazon, but I will
also put a link to my books in 

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the show notes. 
All right, Thank you so much for

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listening. 
I will talk to you next time. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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life. 
And when you're happier in your 

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life, you're more effective at 
work. 

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I can help. 
Go to my website, kimnickel.com 

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and sign up for a coaching 
consult. 

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It can get better.