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Welcome to the new Manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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Years ago, when I was a people 
manager, I discovered that there

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were plenty of situations that I
had no plan for. 

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I didn't have a lot of guidance,
and I kind of had to figure 

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things out as I went. 
My manager was fine, but they 

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were not in the same location. 
They were, you know, located 

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across the country in a 
different office, and they were 

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really busy. 
So my direct supervisor was not 

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very helpful in terms of being a
source of support. 

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I also didn't like to bother 
anybody. 

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I didn't want to reach out and 
ask for help because I just felt

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super awkward about that 
conversation. 

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And I thought, you know, my boss
is really busy, I should be able

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to figure this out on my own. 
As a tip, if you are someone who

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is also very self reliant and 
maybe as a little bit of that a 

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student perfectionist tendency, 
if you're really good at 

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figuring things out on your own,
then you are probably going to 

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recognize yourself in some of 
this. 

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And the reason I share all of 
this with you is because what 

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really helped me in that 
situation where I had a team, 

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you know, most of my team was 
older than me and I had a really

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nice manager, really lovely 
person, but not very present or 

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helpful in terms of providing me
with support or guidance as I 

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stepped into this new role. 
What really helped me through 

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those days was my meditation and
mindfulness practice. 

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Now, I had started meditating 
years before, not because 

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honestly, this sounds weird, but
not because I, I wanted to. 

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I, I didn't think, oh, 
meditation, I need to do that. 

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I actually had been invited to a
class by a friend of mine and at

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the time I thought, no, I'm not 
that interested. 

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You know, meditation that seems 
like for stressed out people. 

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I'm not that stressed out. 
I'm fine. 

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And it also seemed just like a 
little bit out there for me. 

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You know, it seemed kind of 
boring and maybe just a little 

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bit weird. 
But I ended up going to this one

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class because she had kept 
inviting me. 

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And finally I said, OK, I'm, I'm
curious enough to go, let's try 

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this out. 
And what I discovered in that 

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experience was that it's 
actually very interesting. 

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I think my fear was that I would
be bored or I would not be good 

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at it because from the outside 
it looks like meditation means 

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you sit quietly with your eyes 
closed and then you just kind 

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of, I don't know, I thought like
you like wait for something to 

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happen or you clear your mind or
you follow your breath or 

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something. 
And it just from the outside, it

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didn't seem very interesting. 
But what I discovered in the 

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course of the experience of it 
myself and in the way that I was

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taught and guided through that 
experience, I actually became 

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very interested in noticing the 
different sensations I was 

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feeling in that moment. 
I became very interested and 

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very curious about the different
thoughts I was having as they 

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were arising, the different 
conversations that were 

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happening inside my own mind. 
And as I became more discerning 

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and more able to be present with
my experience as it was 

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happening, it began to really 
shift my experience of everyday 

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moments. 
I began to feel more calm and 

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grounded. 
I felt like I had a little more 

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space between the, you know, 
stimulus and the response as is 

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described in that famous Viktor 
Frankel quote. 

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Between stimulus and response, 
there is a space. 

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In that space is your freedom to
choose how to respond. 

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And in that choice is your is 
your freedom. 

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And I think I stumbled upon that
quote. 

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I don't think I said it 
correctly, but that's 

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essentially the gist of it, is 
that between stimulus and how 

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you respond, there's a space. 
Within that space, you get to 

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choose, what does that mean for 
you? 

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How do you want to respond? 
And in that choice, there's so 

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much power and autonomy and 
agency. 

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And so coming back to the 
workplace as I was facing all of

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these new situations that I 
hadn't been in before, you know,

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like going from essentially 
being in the passenger seat to 

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being in the driver's seat and 
realizing, oh, there's a lot of 

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stuff that comes with managing a
team that I hadn't really 

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understood until I was actually 
in that role. 

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It helped to have this practice 
and perspective from mindfulness

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of how to be present. 
Mindfulness is a quality of 

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attention. 
And when my attention was 

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present and not spinning in a 
circle or feeling worried or, 

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you know, just activating heavy 
self judgement, it meant that I 

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was able to respond in the 
moment in ways that I believe 

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really served my team better 
than, you know, had I had, I not

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had that. 
And so I'm sharing this with you

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because I was recently posting 
on LinkedIn about how I see your

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workplace as a venue for being 
human. 

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You're a human first, and then 
your workplace, your work, your 

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career. 
That's a place where you 

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experience your humanness, and 
you experience this with other 

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humans too. 
And it's not always easy. 

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It can be hard to be a human, 
and it can be hard to work with 

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other humans because we 
experience things differently. 

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We have different priorities, 
different things that motivate 

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us. 
We sometimes think, you know, 

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oh, I'm going to be a manager 
and I'm going to be so great. 

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I'm going to be the exact kind 
of manager I wish I always had. 

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And we forget that the people 
you're managing, they are 

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different. 
They might not want the kind of 

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manager that you want. 
They may not have the same, you 

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know, priorities that you had in
that role. 

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And so beginning to realize, OK,
this is not just about me being 

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the best kind of manager I want 
to be. 

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It requires I also pay attention
to who are these people, who are

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these people that I'm working 
with? 

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And even realizing that your 
manager and the the people that 

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you report up to, they might be 
lovely people and they might not

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be available or they might not 
be great mentors or sources of 

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support for you. 
It doesn't mean there's anything

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bad about them. 
It's just helpful to me. 

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I think very accurate and honest
about what kind of relationship 

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you have. 
And you know how they think 

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about leadership and career and 
management. 

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It might be different than you. 
So all of this, you know, 

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sometimes can feel a little bit 
lonely, like you become a 

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manager and all of a sudden it's
like, oh, there's no one you can

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really talk to in your 
organization about what you're 

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going through and how you want 
to get better or what you're 

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struggling with and the kind of 
help you want. 

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It can sort of feel abrupt like 
that. 

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And you know, if if being human 
is the most important thing. 

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And then the question of what 
does this look like in the venue

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or place of work is the second 
part. 

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Then things start to get 
interesting because we're asking

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these questions about people, 
you know, how do people get 

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along? 
How do they communicate? 

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How do they respond to 
uncertainty or pressure or 

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stress? 
All of this becomes really 

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important now. 
This brings me to the main thing

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I wanted to call your attention 
to you today, which is this 

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additional dimension of emotions
at work. 

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So you are a human, you have 
emotions, you work with humans. 

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They have emotions too. 
We all experience them, but we 

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can have different levels of 
intensity around emotion. 

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And most of us had different, 
you know, kinds of rules about 

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what kinds of emotions are 
allowed or rewarded or like the 

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emotions we would get in trouble
for. 

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And so then we learned to hide 
them or compartmentalize them 

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or, or distance ourselves from 
them. 

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And so I wanted to distinguish 
for you today the difference 

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between feeling and emotion and 
reacting to an emotion. 

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This is important for you as a 
human, and especially in the 

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context and venue of work. 
You want to feel emotions, but 

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not necessarily be reactive 
about them. 

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When you are feeling an emotion,
think of it as what is the 

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sensation of that emotion? 
How would you describe the 

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experience of that emotion? 
So for example, let's say you're

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feeling happy. 
What is the physical sensation 

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of experiencing happiness? 
Where in your body do you feel 

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that? 
And then go to a different 

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emotion, maybe disappointment. 
Where in your body do you feel 

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disappointment? 
When you feel disappointed, like

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what does that like? 
What is the sensation? 

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What does that look like as a 
contrast? 

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Very often with disappointment 
that has sort of a down feeling 

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or a down and kind of like 
curled in a little bit. 

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Even the language we say, oh, I 
feel let down. 

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I feel disappointed, I feel let 
down. 

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There can be this, just like, 
you know, this downward kind of 

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feeling around disappointment. 
On the other hand, happiness or 

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joy, that tends to be something 
that goes a little bit more up 

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and out, right? 
Like I, as I'm describing this, 

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I'm even feeling it like in my 
face, there's like a brightness 

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in the cheek and in the right 
around the eyes and my heart 

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center space like around my 
chest feels a little bit more 

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relaxed, a little bit more, a 
little bit more open. 

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And so feeling and emotion is 
where we get curious about what 

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is the experience, what is that 
physical sensation that I'm 

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noticing when that emotion is 
present. 

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And if identifying emotions are 
kind of tricky, of course, you 

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can always consult a feelings 
wheel that can be really helpful

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for getting more precise with 
the vocabulary of emotions. 

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But fundamentally, feel an 
emotion by being curious and 

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paying attention to the physical
sensation in the body. 

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How do you experience that? 
That's feeling and emotion. 

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Reacting to an emotion is when 
we, for example, take it out on 

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others. 
Like I am feeling angry and so I

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am going to take it out on you 
by lashing out or being 

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impatient or being unkind. 
And it may have nothing at all 

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to do with you. 
I'm just in a really bad mood 

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and I'm feeling angry because of
something that happened on my 

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way to work. 
And so I'm going to react from 

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that emotion and act it out 
towards somebody else. 

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You can also think of it as when
we allow emotions to drive our 

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behaviors. 
The reason I'm behaving this way

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is because I feel, because I 
feel angry, because I feel 

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happy, because I feel deeply 
sad. 

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That's reacting from an emotion.
And so we want to just start to 

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kind of calibrate attention so 
you begin to notice so it 

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doesn't just become kind of this
big tangly blur, right of, oh, 

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I'm, I have an emotion. 
And so, you know, I, I'm feeling

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overwhelmed or there's, you 
know, they don't know what to do

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with it. 
We just want to just start to 

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notice these two different ways 
of having an emotion. 

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One is to simply feel it, notice
the sensations, notice what it 

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is. 
Sometimes this is a hard thing 

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to do because, you know, 
emotions can feel very 

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inconvenient if we're having a 
physical experience and might 

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feel very vulnerable. 
Or you might feel like I don't 

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have time for this right now. 
I have to present a very 

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collected, you know, grounded, 
you know, presentation. 

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We get really good at masking by
the way. 

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So you might just realize like I
don't have a lot of practice 

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actually feeling emotions. 
And the fun thing is you 

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actually can't practice. 
Like you can say, I just want to

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practice getting acquainted with
what is, what does this emotion 

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feel like for me when I'm 
feeling this, you know, angry. 

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What does anger feel like for 
me? 

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Just to like an experiment, like
a little scientific inquiry. 

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Can I get comfortable 
experiencing this emotion 

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without spiraling out and 
turning it into a big story and 

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kind of reactivating? 
Can I just experience the 

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sensation of having this 
emotion, of letting it be 

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present here and then noticing, 
OK, now when I reacting to an 

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emotion when I'm making 
decisions or when I'm behaving 

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because of a certain emotion 
that's driving those choices, 

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can I become more mindful and 
just notice when and where am I 

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doing that? 
It's even interesting to 

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consider the people that you 
work with and to just notice, 

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huh. 
I wonder, is this person acting,

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you know, from an emotion? 
Are they being reactive right 

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now? 
Is that what you're seeing? 

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Sometimes we see that in passive
aggressive behaviors. 

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It's like, oh, this person is 
acting and behaving from a 

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feeling of frustration or 
aggression, but they're trying 

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to kind of hide it or just do it
sideways. 

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But you can still sense. 
I think there's some emotion in 

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there that is not being fully 
realized, but OK. 

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And what happens as you begin to
get more comfortable working 

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with emotions your own, as well 
as being in the presence of 

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others? 
It becomes a little easier when 

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you become more familiar with 
your own emotional range. 

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It becomes easier to be present 
to the emotional range of 

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others. 
That means that you won't feel 

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as reactive to someone else's 
disappointment, anger, 

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happiness. 
You won't feel as sort of pulled

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into their emotional field. 
You'll still be able to perceive

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it. 
You can still have plenty of 

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compassion. 
You can still have plenty of 

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empathy, but it's more like 
you're able to stay grounded in 

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your own body and your 
experience and you don't over 

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identify and then are not moved 
to react by what you are 

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perceiving of this other 
person's emotion. 

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So I think emotions are very 
interesting and kind of 

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underlooked dimension of being 
human and working with other 

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humans. 
I think generally as you know, 

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as people, we don't get a lot of
guidance on how to be an 

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emotionally alive person. 
We focus so much on the 

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intellect and we tend to 
overlook the emotion, you know, 

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the emotional range or the 
emotional aspect of being a 

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person, but ignore it at your 
peril. 

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Because if we are ignoring or 
disregarding emotions, we're 

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missing out on not just a full 
richness in your own life, but 

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emotions are very useful to 
understand when you're working 

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with people. 
It's helpful to know how to 

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respond if someone is 
disappointed, angry, or 

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frustrated. 
It's really helpful to 

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understand and know how to work 
with someone and what are the 

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things that motivate them or 
inspire them or what are the 

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things that make them feel happy
to be doing this work even when 

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things are hard. 
So understanding emotions is 

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really valuable. 
It's really important both in 

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your personal life and your 
professional life. 

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And so that's what I wanted to 
put on your radar today. 

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As you go through the week, I 
would invite you to simply 

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notice what are the different 
emotions that come up for you 

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and can you practice feeling 
them? 

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Can you practice being curious 
and noticing, oh, this emotion, 

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it feels like this in my body. 
This part feels tense or this 

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part feels open or this part 
feels contracted or this part 

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feels, I don't know, kind of 
cloudy. 

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But start to notice and develop 
your own language and your own 

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that your own way of identifying
when you are in an emotional 

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state. 
And if it also feels interesting

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to you, start noticing, you 
know, how would you describe or 

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how would you notice the 
different emotional tones of the

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people around you? 
Sometimes an organization will 

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have a general kind of emotional
tone, and then different groups 

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00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:38,480
or teams or departments will 
have their own distinct kind of 

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emotional tone. 
That can be really interesting 

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to start paying attention to as 
well. 

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But you know, just put this on 
your radar. 

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Emotions are part of being 
human. 

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They are not a problem to be 
solved. 

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They are something to learn 
about and to become more 

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skillful with because you know, 
it's part of embracing being a 

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human and you know, working and 
being and living with other 

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humans here on the planet. 
So I hope you enjoy having fun 

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with that this week. 
And if you want to do more of 

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this kind of work, then join me 
in one of my upcoming courses, 

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00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,480
link in the show notes or reach 
out to work with me privately 

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with one-on-one coaching. 
It gives us this. 

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Space and the time to focus more
specifically on you, on your 

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goals and your situation. 
And that's what we do in 

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one-on-one coaching. 
So you'll find more information 

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00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,280
about that in the show notes or 
of course, go to my website, 

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00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,680
kimnickel.com. 
For all of that, please leave a 

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00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,840
review and follow this podcast. 
If this has been helpful to you,

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00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,760
share it with a friend and thank
you so much for listening. 

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00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,120
I hope you have a great week and
I will talk to you next time. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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life, and when you're happier in
your life, you're more effective

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00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,960
at work. 
I can help. 

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00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:16,520
Go to my website, kimnickel.com 
and sign up for a coaching 

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00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,960
consult. 
It can get better.