Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Welcome.
Today. I want to talk with you about
the best manager you ever had. This is one of my favorite
things to ask when I'm teaching or working with someone around
this topic of how to become a manager is to ask them.
Think about the best manager you ever had.
What made them great. Now, when I think about my own
life and my own career, there are actually two people who
really stand out one of them was someone I worked with.
Oh my goodness 20 years ago. I still remember this person
very clearly and this person was not my direct manager.
He was the manager above my manager.
So he was like two levels at and I remember one day.
I was working on a project. Act and he came by and just
wanted to say hi, guys. Like I know, how's it going?
And I said, oh, yeah, I'm working on this thing.
We've got to get it out and he's like, okay, cool.
What can I do to help? And I remember that it
completely caught me by surprise because I was not expecting him
to be available to help or even to want to help because up until
that point. I think I'd really experienced
managers as people who give direction or give work or give
tasks but didn't actually show up as I'm here for you and I
want to Help you. It was really new to me and 20
years later. I still remember it clearly and
sometimes it takes something just that small to really make a
difference. Just to say, what's going on.
What can I do to help more recently?
I've had the pleasure of working with a manager who?
Kind of blew my mind with how much appreciation and respect he
showed. And it was one of those
situations where I didn't realize that I had not been
experiencing that until we started working together and I
started to wonder, wow, like I feel great.
What is it about working with this person?
That makes me feel so good. And I realized this is a person
who is really comfortable sharing, what they are.
She ate about what I'm doing. Well, and when they offer me
feedback on what I need to do differently, they do it in a way
that feels like we are partnering together to develop
my own skill and potential. There was never any shame or
never any guilt or never any sense of you know, you're
falling short, they did feedback so well and with so much
kindness that I I really felt both respected.
Like this person could see the potential and could understand
what at you know what I was doing and they really valued my
style and my Approach and when they gave me the feedback of,
okay, so here are some things that I see that you could be
doing differently and it will help you.
It came from such a helpful place.
And that was astonishing to me in how new it was all of which
is just to say, Also for perspective that you will
encounter people in the course of your work life and they might
be wonderful people but not necessarily great managers.
And so, when you begin to have experiences with those who
really stand out for you, really take a moment to notice.
What is it about this person? The way they are managing me the
way they are showing up as a leader to me.
What is it about? Then?
That's making this really? Work.
Well, because the insights that you gather can then provide a
kind of guidance for you and how you want to show up and to
manage the people that you have within your scope of care.
And it's also a really great reminder that the way you
manage, others is a choice. And very often.
We do not bring intentional choice to the way that we
manage. We are reactive, or we say, oh,
that's just my personality. Or we have all of these other
thoughts that get in the way of really being intentional with
how you'd like to show up. And as a point of contrast.
Let me share another short story.
Many years ago. I worked for a company and Was a
person who I worked with who was also a manager.
We were both in a like a director level role.
We both had teams that we managed and so I never reported
to this person, but we talked about our teams and just how we
were you know, how we were managing and leading them.
And I remember one day it was around annual reviews.
And in that company, there were three levels that you Could give
you could say someone was exceeding expectations.
They were meeting expectations or they were below expectations.
So for each one of our people on our team, we had to evaluate
them and give them a designation.
And so this woman and I were speaking about our experience of
going through this process with our teams.
Remember she kind of side and rolled her eyes and said the
expectation is that people should always.
Exceed expectations when they don't my job is to tell them
where they're falling short people shouldn't need praise.
They should just do their job. I remember thinking.
Oh, oh my goodness. I am glad that I do not report
to you because that would not work for me.
I mean, I really want to believe that there is a little bit more
sense of partnership and a little bit more.
Appreciation for the work I do. And it's not just taken for
granted. But that was the choice that
this person made. So you get to choose for
yourself. When you are a manager, you get
to choose. How do you show it for your
team? Okay.
So when I asked my students tell me about the best manager you
ever had here are the kinds of things they say.
Open and communicative great at communication.
Direct caring finds common ground to build a relationship.
Their kind respectful. They gave praise.
They were structured but hands off.
So no micromanagement. They provide proper training.
Valued work life balance. Create a positive environment.
There's Trust. And when I asked my students,
you know, how did it feel to have a manager like that?
They say things like I was excited to come to work.
I felt heard I felt like there was open communication.
I felt respect that. They respected me and I
respected them, too. And I'll tell you, when I ask
this question, people light up. people light up because when we
have a work relationship with someone who we feel, respects us
appreciates us, is there to support us as we grow when they
are kind, when they notice the things we do well and makes a
tremendous difference, not just in our work and this, you know,
the sense of ourselves as a professional person, but just as
a human, I really believe that as a human, we all want to feel
appreciated and respected, we all I feel like we matter and it
can be easy to not know how to create that for people that
work, or it can be easy for others to overlook that part
because it's an invisible quality.
It's really hard to put that into a spreadsheet and measure
it but it's absolutely. Valuable and people remember, I
mean you remember don't you the best manager you ever had?
I bet you do. And the reason I wanted to share
this topic with you today and talk about it is because there
are three ways that you can use this question to really help
yourself grow. So first is to ask yourself, ask
yourself the question when you think of the best manager you
ever had. What were they like and as you
answer this question from your own experience just notice what
comes up. What kinds of things do you
list? Was it their communication
style? Was it?
Their trust was it the way they gave you autonomy to they would
say what to You but they are. They Sorry autonomy.
They would tell you like what needed to happen, but they let
you figure out the way you wanted to do it.
What was it about them? That made them great.
And as you generate your own personal list, you can use that
as kind of a guide and it will help you to get clear on your
own experience of what having a great manager is like.
So that's number one, ask yourself.
Second, ask your team. And see what people say.
Because if you ask your team, hey, tell me about the best
manager you ever had. What were they?
Like, it will help you to learn? What do they value?
What do they like in a manager relationship?
And remember that different people might have different
answers or you might also see a pattern in what people like.
And this is a nice question because even if you don't have a
direct report, if you're managing B, Once it can still be
really Illuminating and create a really nice conversation.
So you can present it in a very informal kind of away.
Like, it doesn't have to be this big serious question, but really
from this perspective of, you know, I have been doing a lot of
thinking about what it like, what does it mean to be a good
manager? And I'm curious to know from
you. What's the best manager you ever
had? What were they like?
And you might be surprised by what you learn or by what people
share. Be aware.
Sometimes people have an easier time talking about the negative
things, so they might, they might flip it on you.
You might say, well, let me tell you about the worst manager I
have ever had. And if they do, see if you can
gently redirect them. So, you know what?
We can get to that, but right now, I just feel super curious.
Like have you had an amazing manager?
And if so, what made them, great?
What was it like, Especially right now is so many people are
working from home or trying to figure out.
How do I manage in a pandemic or who, how do I manage in the
midst of all of these conversations around race and
equity and diversity and inclusion.
It can be a really useful question for creating
conversation around. How do people like to be
treated? What is it?
That matters to them? And third is you could ask your
manager. You could ask this in your
one-on-ones when you want to shift the conversation from
being down in the weeds, to a bigger perspective.
And this one is kind of fun because you can ask your
manager. Tell me about the best manager
you ever had. From this perspective of being
curious and wanting to expand your own thinking about what
does it create manager? Do, what is it?
That makes them good. What is it?
That lets them stand out and be memorable as someone who has
really done a great job. What does that mean?
And the nice thing too, is that when you have this conversation
with your manager, sometimes you can get a little bit of insight
about what they You and how they like to work with people and it
lets you connect also, just as humans as humans who work with
other humans and some of those experiences have been really
treasured, the more clarity, you get around those invisible
qualities as you can begin to articulate them and understand
them for yourself, then you get to ask yourself.
Okay, how can I be a great manager in this?
Ants for this person or these people, how can I be open?
And communicative? How can I be direct?
But also caring? How can I show respect?
How can I offer? Praise and appreciation?
Where do I need to provide more structure, but also be hands-off
and not micromanage people. What kind of training might?
My people need? How do I feel about work-life
balance? And I'll tell you that right
now? That's one of the really
challenging items with a lot of people as so many people are
working from home and have lost that.
Spatial distinction between workspace and home space.
So for a lot of people were asking these new questions about
what does it mean to be a great manager today?
Now, given whatever unexpected circumstances you're faced with,
as we create this new sense of how do we work together in our
current and emerging reality? So, as you continue to ask these
questions and To have conversations with others.
Just notice what begins to happen?
See where it takes you. I believe that it will help to
create relationships that are not just more effective and
productive at work, but are also really nourishing and really
connected in a way that feels really good as humans.
So thanks so much for listening. That is our episode for today.
I'll be back again later with more ideas about how to be A new
manager. Do you want personal
confidential help with your situation at work?
I offer one-on-one coaching and can help you overcome challenges
reach your goals and become a more effective leader to
schedule a consult. Go to my website, Kim nickel.com
coaching and we'll schedule time to talk about what's going on
with you and how I can help. Talk to you soon.