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Welcome to the New Manager 
Podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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Today, I want to talk with you 
about the distinction of being 

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and doing. 
And we live in a world that 

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becomes very obsessed with the 
doing part, with all of the 

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actions. 
We have this real bias for being

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active and taking action and we 
measure productivity and 

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outcomes. 
And you know, like that's all 

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okay, but it's also limiting 
because if all we do is obsess 

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about the actions and the 
productivity, if those are the 

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only things that we see as 
valuable, then it means that we 

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are disregarding a very vast and
rich source of value. 

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And it can be easy to then focus
on trying to solve for the wrong

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things. 
And one of the ways I see this 

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come up a lot is when we feel 
overwhelmed by the To Do List. 

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There are so many things on my 
To Do List. 

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How can I do them all? 
Or when you're facing a new 

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situation and the question in 
your mind is what do I do? 

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What should I do? 
Like, what do we need to do 

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about this? 
We can jump right into the 

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question of doing an action when
what might be more useful is to 

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slow down and shift our 
perspective to the being side of

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that equation. 
How am I being right now? 

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So in the instance where you 
feel overwhelmed by the To Do 

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List, if we take a step back and
instead of trying to understand 

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how do I take action on all of 
these things, the question might

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be who am I being but I am 
saying yes to every request? 

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How is it that my To Do List has
become so big? 

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Why am I not delegating? 
Why am I not saying no to 

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things? 
Why am I prioritizing being 

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agreeable and simply going along
with things rather than choosing

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instead to really assess my 
capacity, the capacity of my 

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team? 
You know, why is it that I'm, 

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I'm not challenging or 
advocating and you know, making 

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some other decisions about what 
happens on my To Do List so we 

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can look at the being side of 
the equation? 

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How am I being right now? 
And that can illuminate so much 

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and help us then to solve for 
the right issue. 

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I'm remembering many years ago I
was also teaching meditation in 

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companies and there was one 
client I had and I led a, you 

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know, half hour meditation class
for their team. 

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And at the end of the session I 
asked folks, you know, what did 

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you notice what happened in your
meditation? 

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And one of the guys raised his 
hand and he said, you know, I'm 

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an engineer and I've been 
working on this one problem. 

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And when I paused and meditated 
and I was able to actually kind 

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of hold the problem in mind but 
from a different perspective. 

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And he said I realized I was 
approaching it not in the best 

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way and I could actually 
approach it from a different 

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angle. 
And I think I just saved myself 

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like 5 hours of work because now
I'm not going to work on the 

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wrong thing. 
Now I can actually shift my 

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approach and work on something 
else. 

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And I thought, that's such a 
great example of how taking that

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moment to pause your doing, to 
realize that the doing is not 

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the most important thing and 
it's not always the first thing 

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we need to do, that there's so 
much that is gained when we 

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pause to reflect on how am I 
being and how am I being in this

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context, which may have changed.
So a couple of ways we can 

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approach this. 
One is to think of three 

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different aspects of yourself as
a human. 

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There is the thinking part of 
you, your mind, your thoughts, 

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all of your ideas. 
This the internal narrator, the 

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story that you are telling 
yourself inside your own mind. 

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Sometimes it's very loud, 
sometimes it's a little bit 

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quieter in the background. 
But most of us have an internal 

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voice that is narrating or 
giving us ideas or you know, the

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the thoughts that are in your 
mind. 

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That's one aspect. 
We also have the emotions part 

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of being a human. 
You have feelings. 

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You have emotions, and whether 
or not you're able to identify 

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exactly what they are is a 
separate question. 

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But we have a sense of, you 
know, do I feel, you know, 

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contracted and small? 
Do I have a feeling of actually 

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feeling really relaxed and open 
and uplifted? 

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If I have an emotion, is it kind
of a restless, uneasy kind of 

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feeling, right? 
That might be how you experience

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anxiety. 
Maybe it's a feeling of like the

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emotion of feeling so grounded, 
right? 

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Like you feel really self 
assured. 

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You have a great sense of what 
you are here to do. 

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You have this real feeling of 
confidence or of clarity that 

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leaves you feeling very 
grounded. 

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We have the emotional aspect of 
being a human and then we have 

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the action part of being a 
human, the doing the choices, 

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the, you know, engagement in the
world, all of the things that 

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you do. 
And as I mentioned before, we 

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tend to focus on and get 
measured and rewarded by the 

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action part. 
So for example, in your 

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performance review, we're often 
looking at what are the actions 

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you have taken and what are the 
results of those actions. 

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Very rarely in a performance 
review do we ask the question, 

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oh, tell us about the thinking 
that you had, you know, or tell 

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us about the emotions that you 
had those. 

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Those are usually not what we 
capture, at least not directly, 

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because you can identify those, 
not necessarily in an obvious 

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way, but in your performance 
review, in the work context, the

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way that you make decisions. 
That's a combination of how 

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you're thinking and then the 
actions that you take. 

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Okay, I was looking at the 
challenge in this way. 

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I made the decision to 
prioritize these things and then

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I was able to communicate them 
and then the team could act upon

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them. 
So that is an example of how 

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your actions, the way that you 
communicated, the priorities you

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set that came from the way that 
you were thinking, the way you 

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were seeing things, the emotion 
comes in, in terms of how you 

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are working with other humans, 
how you communicate effectively.

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If you're a very high empathy 
person, it can show up in terms 

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of performance through this 
sense of, oh, because I could 

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really understand the challenges
that this new hire was going 

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through. 
Being able to empathize with 

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them helped me to then design an
improvement to our onboarding 

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program. 
Or I was able to deescalate this

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client situation because I was 
able to really understand and 

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feel where they were coming from
and so I was not reactive. 

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I did not become defensive when 
the client called us and they 

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were so angry and threatened to 
to leave and I was able to save 

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that client relationship and 
rebuild trust because of my 

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awareness and ability to work 
with emotions. 

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So the emotional space and the 
thinking space are always in 

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play and in fact are often what 
will drive the actions that we 

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take and the outcomes that play 
out as a result of that. 

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But if we think about the 
actions as the doing part, we 

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can consider your thinking and 
your feelings as your being 

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part. 
How are you being? 

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Meaning, How are you seeing 
things? 

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What is the perspective or your 
thought process? 

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Or, you know, are you being 
creative? 

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That is a being thing. 
And the emotions, how are you 

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being? 
Are you being, you know, like 

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reactive? 
Are you being kind? 

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Are you being patient? 
Are you being, you know, 

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curious? 
And when we combine how you are 

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thinking with the emotion that 
you're experiencing, that being 

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a combination, is what will then
shape the way that you act in 

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the way that you're doing 
things. 

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And one of the reasons I wanted 
to, you know, point this out 

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today especially is because when
you are faced with a situation 

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where you feel really stuck or 
completely unsure of what you 

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should do. 
If you're thinking, Oh my gosh, 

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I do not know what to do here, 
then I want to remind you of the

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value of being, of taking that 
time to slow down, to reflect, 

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to remember that action is not 
the only or even the most 

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important part. 
That who you are being the way 

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that you are thinking and seeing
things, the way that you are 

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feeling and the way that you're 
able to influence because of 

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that. 
That all happens 1st and it's of

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so much importance. 
You know, sometimes we think our

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job is to solve all the 
problems, and that feels like a 

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very doing, active kind of 
thing. 

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But there will be times when the
most powerful and appropriate 

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thing you can do in the moment 
is to slow down and simply take 

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some time to be with a person, a
challenge, a problem, to simply 

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be present with it, to hold the 
space for it, to acknowledge it 

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and take that time to kind of, 
you know, reflect and notice. 

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One of the reasons I'm thinking 
about this too, and I'll, I'll 

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put a link in the show notes to 
this resource because it was 

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really good. 
I attended A webinar a month or 

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so ago and it was hosted by the 
Center for Care Innovations and 

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they are an organization in 
Oakland. 

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They do amazing work in the 
healthcare space and and 

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especially working with 
underserved communities and they

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had this what they call a 
knowledge share webinar and it 

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was around breaking the cycles 
of trauma through recognition 

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and healing. 
And it was such there were so 

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many great Nuggets in it. 
So I I can't put them all in 

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here for you right now. 
But one of the things that one 

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of the speakers shared was he 
said, you know, the main 

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ingredient of change is the 
opportunity to have reflection 

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and space to think about how we 
can do our work better. 

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And that really landed for me 
because if we are in a reactive,

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ever doing place, like if all 
we're doing is trying to react 

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to every situation and we are 
doing, doing, doing, doing all 

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day long, then we eliminate, we 
reduce the amount of time to 

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reflect and have space to think 
about, how can we do this 

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better? 
Are we solving for the right 

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thing? 
Has anything changed since we 

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started on this? 
Right has, is there anything 

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that we're learning as we are 
experiencing this and going 

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through this together? 
So there were so many really 

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great ideas and concepts. 
And you know, one of the things 

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I want to remind you of too is 
that the skill of being an 

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effective manager and working 
well with others. 

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There are so many lessons and 
insights that transcend 

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industries, meaning you can 
learn a lot from other leaders 

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and other people who really care
about, you know, how to how do 

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we work together who are in 
other industries than yours. 

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And so for me, I always am 
interested in what are the 

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conversations people are having 
about how do we work Better 

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Together, especially under 
really challenging circumstances

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because there will always be 
different kinds of challenging 

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circumstances. 
And so this one around, you know

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breaking the cycles of trauma 
through recognition and healing 

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and all of the insights that 
they shared about the healthcare

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space and what that looks like. 
That one note the main 

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ingredient of change is the 
opportunity to have reflection 

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and space to think about how we 
can do our work better was so 

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resonant and I knew I wanted to 
share that with you. 

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And it's it's so interesting 
because we have our internal 

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experience as humans, our own 
internal environment of our 

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thoughts and our emotions and 
your lived experience and your 

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perspective as a human person in
the world. 

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And we're always engaging within
an environmental context, which 

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is both, you know, the 
professional culture that you're

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working in, the kind of other 
cultural norms, the other 

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social, cultural norms that 
you're working within. 

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You're also working within 
different constraints that might

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affect your specific industry or
your business or your particular

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organization. 
And so we're always wanting to 

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be aware of both what's 
happening on your internal 

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environmental space, your 
external environmental space and

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how those two interact with one 
another. 

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Because this is also where we, 
you know, think about influence.

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How can the way that you are 
being on the inside influence 

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and affect those around you and 
those that are in the external 

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space. 
And when we have this awareness 

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too, it helps us to solve for 
the most useful thing. 

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So, for example, if you have a 
lot of selfdoubt or if your 

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confidence has really been 
shaken because of, you know, the

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way people are treating you at 
work, this is something I, you 

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know, hear from some of my 
clients. 

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If you are and only in the 
workplace, you might think, oh, 

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I have to try harder because, 
you know, I must not be very 

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good because of the way that 
that they're treating me. 

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And sometimes that's actually 
not the right thing to solve for

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because you're actually amazing,
but you're just working with 

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people who are not able to see 
it or acknowledge it or 

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recognize it because of their 
own shortcomings or biases or 

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whatever. 
And sometimes what we need to do

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is both. 
Remember that so we don't 

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internalize that and make 
ourselves feel smaller. 

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And sometimes the answer is to 
find a place that feels better 

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suited for you. 
And so we want to know what are 

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we trying to solve for so that 
we're not kind of internalizing 

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this heavy, heavy doubt. 
We're not undermining ourselves 

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unnecessarily sometimes. 
Just being able to see that, to 

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realize, oh, actually no, I'm 
very competent and I'm very 

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skilled. 
And here are all the reasons why

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I understand that. 
And it really is a mystery to me

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that it's not recognized. 
Like, it's really unfortunate 

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because we could do incredible 
work together. 

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But for the fact that there's 
some kind of, you know, 

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limitation in your ability to 
recognize and work with this, 

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I'm thinking too of someone who 
had a very similar experience, 

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recently, started a new job and 
was telling me she's like, wow, 

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Like, they are so kind and they 
really appreciate what I'm 

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bringing into their 
organization. 

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And you know, The funny thing is
it's like, she's like, I'm the 

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same person I was a month ago, 
but the way that they treated me

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in my last company, that was not
very good and now I'm in this 

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new company and I'm the same 
person, but I'm being perceived 

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and welcomed with so much more 
appreciation and respect, she 

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said. 
It's kind of weird, I'm not used

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to that, but it's really nice. 
So we are always, you know, an 

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internal environment of our own 
experience and we are also 

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existing and working in a 
dynamic external environment as 

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well. 
So my hope for you today and 

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what I want to leave you with is
as you go through your week, see

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what happens. 
If you tend to your being a 

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little bit more, even if you 
only increased it by like 5%. 

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So just for this week, let 
yourself feel a little bit okay 

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with, you know, don't worry so 
much about the doing, what do I 

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need to do? 
There's so much to do. 

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OK, set the doing part aside for
a moment and instead let's take 

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a little bit more time, 
attention and energy to reflect 

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on. 
How are you being? 

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How are you being? 
Let's take a look at how you're 

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thinking, how you're seeing 
things. 

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Let's really care for and 
Createspace for your emotions. 

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How are you feeling? 
And if that's something that is 

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uncomfortable or difficult, then
that's a thing I can help. 

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And help teach you and help you 
learn to become better with. 

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That's one of the best things 
with coaching is actually having

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a space to be a real human or 
you're not having to be so 

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measured or controlled in the 
emotions you express or the 

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thoughts you express. 
You actually have a space to 

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process and get it out so that 
you can then make some decisions

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around what What does it mean. 
Now that you can see this more 

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clearly and feel this more 
clearly, what do you want to do?

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We get to the doing part only 
after we spend some time with 

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the being part of who you are. 
So take a little bit of that 

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with you. 
Remember, there's so much value 

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in your presence in the way that
you're being. 

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There's so much value in taking 
time to reflect and giving 

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yourself space. 
And you know, it doesn't have to

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be like you take off a week to 
go away into the mountains and 

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meditate and go into, you know, 
a retreat setting. 

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You really can learn how to find
these moments, like these little

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pockets where you can rest and 
reflect and find a little bit of

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00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:17,860
a little bit of something, a 
little bit of insight, a little 

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00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:24,860
bit of awareness, a little bit 
of relief as you navigate all of

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the things that are coming your 
way. 

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All right. 
So thank you so much for 

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listening. 
Thank you for being a human who 

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00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:36,540
cares about the way that you 
work with other humans. 

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It's not always easy, but it is 
so important. 

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And I for one, want to say good 
job you. 

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Thank you so much. 
All right. 

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Have a great week and I will 
talk to you next time. 

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When you're more effective at 
work, you're happier in your 

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00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,320
life, and when you're happier in
your life, you're more effective

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00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,160
at work. 
I can help. 

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00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:05,720
Go to my website, kimnicol.com 
and sign up for a coaching 

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00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,160
consult. 
It can get better.