1 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,320 Welcome to the new Manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:16,320 I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,160 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:24,040 Today's episode is about what I am calling the dishwasher 5 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,920 dilemma. Before we get to that, I want to 6 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:33,200 tell you that the next cohort of communication strategies for 7 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,440 managers, the six week course that I teach to help you become 8 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,560 more confident and feel more calm in everyday situations. 9 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,520 Enrollment is open now, so you'll find a link in the show 10 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:49,800 notes or go to my website, kimnickel.com to find 11 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,840 information about registering for that. 12 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:59,800 Also, your work might be delighted to cover the cost, so 13 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,320 they can't say yes unless you ask. 14 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,840 And if you have trouble asking, or if you're not sure what to 15 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,960 ask, reach out to me directly through my website and I can 16 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:14,440 walk you through a framework to help you advocate for yourself. 17 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,280 So check that out. Now let's get back to the 18 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,560 dishwasher dilemma. Imagine that you have a kitchen 19 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:29,080 filled with dirty dishes, and the job is to get those dishes 20 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,120 clean. You've got a dishwasher. 21 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,720 You have the way that you like to load the dishwasher. 22 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,360 But you notice, you know, I'm the one always doing the dishes 23 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,960 in this household, and I am not the only person who lives in 24 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,960 this household. It might be time to delegate 25 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:50,280 this task to somebody else. And that person might be your 26 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,320 partner, your spouse, your child. 27 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,680 It might be a roommate. But let's just say, you know, 28 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,560 you've decided it's time to delegate this task, let somebody 29 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,720 else do it. And so you tell them exactly 30 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,000 what to do. Hey, you know, your job for this 31 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,360 week is to do the dishes. You're going to load the 32 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,560 dishwasher, run the dishwasher so that the dishes are clean and 33 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:18,120 not just piled up in the sink. Now let's imagine that they say, 34 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,600 great, got it? They go ahead and they do it. 35 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,400 And you open the dishwasher after seeing what they've done, 36 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,800 and you feel this knot in your stomach. 37 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:35,360 Your heart sinks and you think, what on earth were they 38 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,120 thinking? The way the dishwasher is loaded 39 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,560 is not the way you like to do it. 40 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:45,680 You've got very precise way of approaching this and you've got 41 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,960 very sound reasons for why you do it in this way. 42 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,160 Now, at this point, you've got some options. 43 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,880 You can find that person and sell them. 44 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,720 You've done a terrible job. I have no idea what you were 45 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,640 thinking. You need to do it again. 46 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:07,000 You could give them a point by point instruction about here's 47 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,720 every single thing that you did wrong in the way that you did 48 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,040 that task. You can say, you know what, 49 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,280 maybe dishes is just not for you. 50 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,640 We're going to put you on a different task instead. 51 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,680 Never mind. I will do it the way that I like 52 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,880 it to be done. You have a few different ways to 53 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,680 think about how you want to approach the situation. 54 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,480 And the reason I'm telling you this right now is because I 55 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,800 think sometimes what I see with my students and with my clients 56 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:42,560 is they sometimes, like you, don't realize you already know 57 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:46,000 how to think strategically. You do it all the time. 58 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:51,160 You make decisions all the time about how you want to 59 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,760 communicate something in order to get it done. 60 00:03:54,200 --> 00:04:00,120 You probably delegate tasks more than you realize, more than you 61 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,640 give yourself credit for. And so part of my job as the 62 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:08,920 coach is to help turn on that light switch so you realize, oh, 63 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,240 I'm not starting from scratch. I'm actually starting with a 64 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,480 great foundation of skills and thinking and practice. 65 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,480 I just need to apply it into this new situation, into this 66 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,120 work relationship, into this work situation. 67 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:28,120 And so with dishwasher dilemma, it's that moment where you 68 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:32,440 realize delegating a task, telling someone, you know, 69 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,080 here's the outcome I want, here's the thing I need you to 70 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,880 do, right? The outcome is we need these 71 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,280 dishes clean the way I want you to do it. 72 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,280 You're going to use the dishwasher, put the dishes in 73 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,120 the dishwasher. The person you give that 74 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:49,200 instruction to might have their own ideas of how to do that. 75 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:53,120 They might have their own strategy. 76 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,520 Their strategy might be I need to get this done as quickly as 77 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,960 possible, so I'm going to optimize for speed and I'm just 78 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:03,120 going to dump everything in there all helter Skelter. 79 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:08,120 Whereas for you, because you've got perspective or knowledge or 80 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:13,520 different priorities, you might think to yourself, OK, in order 81 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,520 to have the best outcome, to make sure the dishes really get 82 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,920 clean, we need to rinse them so that they're not covered in 83 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,600 stuck on baked on dried, on leftover foods and sauces. 84 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,600 You might say, OK, the forks and the spoons and the knives, all 85 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,280 those utensils, they need to go in this direction. 86 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,520 I don't know, in your house, maybe it's handles down, maybe 87 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,680 it's handles up. Most people have a preference 88 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:46,320 and they have reasons why. Maybe One Direction of those 89 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,600 utensils, it works better to get them clean. 90 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,480 There's probably a reason why you like it a certain way. 91 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:59,480 You might have an internal rule of when we put dishes in the 92 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,320 dishwasher, we need to make sure that these kinds of dishes are 93 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:08,400 not knocking against each other. Because maybe certain kinds of 94 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,560 dishes or bowls or plates are more fragile, are more prone to 95 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:18,080 break, and you want to reduce the risk of breakage. 96 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,800 There might even be some things that are not to go into the 97 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,520 dishwasher, and you might understand that very clearly. 98 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:32,000 But the person to whom you delegate that task, they may not 99 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,720 know. So when you're thinking about 100 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,640 delegating, when you're thinking about communicating 101 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,600 instructions, there's going to be a few different things in 102 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:47,680 play #1 realize you probably have a more specific idea of 103 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,080 what you want then you've even articulated. 104 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,960 If you have never had to specifically lay out these 105 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,320 nuanced decisions about how something is supposed to happen 106 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:06,680 and why there's a good chance that this other person doesn't 107 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,560 know. You might have more 108 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,440 organizational knowledge or background. 109 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:17,640 You might have experience about why things work a certain way a 110 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,320 little bit better than another way. 111 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:25,400 And so you're going to find out pretty quickly what assumptions 112 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,760 were you holding that this other person did not hold. 113 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:35,400 You'll also start to learn what is it that you are prioritizing 114 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:41,560 for that the other person may not have had that same priority. 115 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,760 Sometimes we get to the same end result, but we get there in 116 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,000 different ways and it can be very interesting to understand 117 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:53,280 what was the thinking, what was the strategy or the reasoning 118 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:58,200 behind the choices that this person made and how they were 119 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:03,240 different from your own. You're also going to be managing 120 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:09,960 relationships and emotions, not just giving a task, but also 121 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,560 thinking about what's the relationship I want to create 122 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,440 with this person. Often with people in our 123 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,040 personal lives, we actually want to manage that relationship in a 124 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:27,360 way that builds more trust, that builds more sense of team. 125 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:33,280 We don't want to be feeling at odds or against the people that 126 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,159 we care about, the people that we live with, the people in our 127 00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:39,640 families. So even if you look at that 128 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:44,159 dishwasher load and you think, Oh my gosh, what were they 129 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,640 thinking? This is terrible. 130 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:52,360 You might not go to them yelling and telling, you know, just like 131 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,400 tearing them apart and telling them, you know, why they were so 132 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:59,280 careless and terrible. Instead, you might say, OK, I 133 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:03,440 want this person to feel successful at this job so that 134 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,320 they do it again and I don't have to do it. 135 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,000 And how can I manage this relationship in a way that helps 136 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,880 us feel connected so that they are receptive to what I have to 137 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,760 share with them? And maybe even I can communicate 138 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:23,320 with them in a way that sparks their creative thinking or helps 139 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,840 them to open up and share with me, you know, what their process 140 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,840 is. That maybe we can develop a way 141 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,880 forward together so that we have more trust because we're going 142 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:37,200 to be working together for a long time and we want that to be 143 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,360 good. So thinking about how do I 144 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,960 manage that relationship and how do I manage the emotions, your 145 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:48,000 own emotions as well as the other persons. 146 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,920 I think this is one of the reasons why stepping into a 147 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:57,400 manager role can feel so draining because there's a lot 148 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,600 of emotional labor that goes with that job. 149 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:06,720 Because you are not just managing tasks and budgets and 150 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:11,720 numbers and priorities, but there's now a lot of work that 151 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:16,680 you will have to do that is about managing relationships, 152 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:23,520 managing emotions, building trust, influencing people. 153 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:28,120 There's so many other things that will come onto your plate 154 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,920 now that maybe we're not there when you were an individual 155 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,800 contributor. And of course, at work, every 156 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:41,000 team is a little different. Maybe you are the outside person 157 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,800 who is joining an intact team that has been working really 158 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,680 well together. Maybe they loved their last 159 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:51,040 manager and they're not really excited to have somebody new. 160 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,880 Or maybe you're the person on the internal, you know, on the 161 00:10:55,880 --> 00:11:00,600 internal team who got promoted and now instead of being peers, 162 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:06,840 now you've been elevated to a decision making position above 163 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,320 your friends. And so now maybe there's a 164 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,720 question of what does this friendship look like? 165 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,240 How do I, you know, still do trust here? 166 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:23,920 If we used to be peers, but now I'm their manager, Maybe there's 167 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,400 a big age gap. Maybe you're managing people 168 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,360 that are a lot younger than you, or maybe you're managing people 169 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,560 in a generation or two older than you. 170 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,280 That can create some really interesting dynamics as well. 171 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:42,400 And so this idea of thinking strategically, what are the 172 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:48,320 reasons behind the decisions you're going to make about how 173 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,400 you communicate, how you're going to work with people, 174 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,280 that's so important. And it's a muscle that you're 175 00:11:55,280 --> 00:12:00,200 going to use every single day. So the more that you have 176 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:04,520 awareness of this and you feel like, OK, yes, this is exactly 177 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,440 what I'm doing. I'm simply making decisions and 178 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:13,080 I'm communicating and I want to do that from a place that has me 179 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:18,880 feeling calm and grounded, very intentional, as opposed to being 180 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:23,680 reactive or exhausted or just, you know, making decisions from 181 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,720 feeling overwhelmed and insecure. 182 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,120 We want to reduce that kind of decision making as much as 183 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:34,400 possible because it tends to be less useful and less effective 184 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,760 in the long term. So that's what I wanted to share 185 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,480 with you today. You know, when you think about 186 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,600 the dishwasher dilemma and your own experience in your own life, 187 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:50,320 have you ever delegated the dishwashing task to someone and 188 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,720 then felt disappointed or frustrated by how they carried 189 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,680 out that task? Or maybe you are the one who 190 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,880 said, hey, don't worry, I'll do the dishes. 191 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,560 And you stepped up. You did the dishes and then 192 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:09,200 someone was disappointed or frustrated at you and they 193 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:13,240 didn't like the way you did it. And you felt micromanaged or 194 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:17,680 unappreciated, even though you had gone ahead and completed 195 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,720 this thing and the way that you thought was right. 196 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,960 That's the same kind of dilemma that happens in the workplace. 197 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:30,280 And it's so important to feel like you've got a pathway or a 198 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:34,040 road map for how to address those kinds of situations 199 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,920 because they will only happen more and more. 200 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:44,320 The good news is what I've found is once you understand that once 201 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:50,800 you see that dynamic and have a way of approaching it, it will 202 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:55,640 start to reduce that feeling of overwhelm and frustration and 203 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,720 you'll start to feel more trust in your own judgment. 204 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,040 You'll start to realize you really are capable, you really 205 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,840 can do this. And you'll start to like blossom 206 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:10,960 in your own leadership style and your own communication style. 207 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,360 So that is what I hope for you. That is what I want for you and 208 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,080 for all the people that work with you. 209 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:22,760 If that's something that you want my help with, then join the 210 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,360 next cohort of communication strategies for managers. 211 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:31,280 Or if you really want to dive into individual goal setting and 212 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,720 strategies for reaching those goals, then you and I can talk 213 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:39,760 about one-on-one coaching. I do have room for new clients 214 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:46,520 starting in April, so go to my website, chemical.com, and 215 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,880 schedule time for us to talk about that if that's something 216 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,400 that's on your mind. All right, that's what I got for 217 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,040 you today. Thank you so much for listening. 218 00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:00,280 I hope you have a great week and I will talk to you next time. 219 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,280 When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your 220 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,080 life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective 221 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,880 at work. I can help. 222 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,440 Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching 223 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,880 consult. It can get better.