1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,600 Welcome to the new manager podcast. 2 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:16,400 I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,900 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well as we get 4 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:23,000 started. I want to tell you, I am really 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,900 looking forward to January. I have been thinking about what 6 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,300 I want to teach and how I want to teach it. 7 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:34,300 And I am planning to offer some free workshops and webinars 8 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:39,400 specifically for starting the new year and the foundational 9 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:43,200 things that I think. Every manager needs to know 10 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,400 about and be thinking about at the beginning of the year. 11 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:49,800 But if I'm being honest, it's not just if you're a manager, if 12 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,300 you work with humans, it's really valuable to be thinking 13 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:58,700 about this. So get on my email list so that, 14 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:02,700 you know, as soon as I start to send out information about that 15 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,700 and you can either go into the show notes. 16 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:08,800 You'll see a link to my website, or you can go to my website and 17 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,200 go directly to the new manager page. 18 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:19,500 So that is Kim nickel.com /, new managers and get on my email 19 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:25,900 list so that you can find out when I offer these workshops and 20 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:28,400 webinars. One of the things I want to 21 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,600 teach you about more specifically is feedback because 22 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,400 that encompasses so many things. Both in terms of planning for 23 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,600 the year in terms of getting ahead of having difficult 24 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,100 conversations. Oceans and beginning to get your 25 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:47,100 mindset in a place, not just to give feedback but also to 26 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:51,000 request it and to request it in a way that will be helpful to 27 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,500 you specifically and also what to do if you receive unsolicited 28 00:01:55,500 --> 00:02:00,000 feedback and how to measure out, whether it's valuable to listen 29 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,600 to or not because not all feedback deserves the same 30 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:11,200 amount of implementation you really want to be aware of. 31 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,700 What is the feedback that you take on? 32 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,100 And I'm thinking about this in part because I'm right now, 33 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:22,300 reading this book that is just filling my heart and opening my 34 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:25,100 opening. My mind in a whole new way, it 35 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:29,900 is called women who run with the Wolves, it is a classic, but 36 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,400 this is the first time, I'm really reading it and there is a 37 00:02:33,408 --> 00:02:35,700 quote that author says her name is. 38 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:41,100 Clarissa, penkala Estes. And she says, when seeking 39 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:46,700 Guidance don't ever listen to the tiny hearted be kind to 40 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:51,800 them, Heap them with blessing could Jewel them but do not 41 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:56,200 follow their advice and I thought that was so beautifully 42 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:00,900 stated. And so useful in so many ways be 43 00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:04,600 mindful of what advice you follow. 44 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,600 It is not all of service to you. So that's my first invitation to 45 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,900 you. Go to My website, join my email 46 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,700 list and we'll get to hang out more and I'll get to teach you 47 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:20,800 more in January. And the topic for today, I 48 00:03:20,808 --> 00:03:26,600 wanted to get into, is this idea of the question behind the 49 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:31,100 question? Now this is a very specific 50 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:35,000 tactic that I like to use. Anytime. 51 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:40,700 Someone asks me a question that makes me feel weird if I'm not 52 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:44,700 sure of Their intent, or if I just feel like I don't know, 53 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,400 something about the way, they're asking this feel, it doesn't 54 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,500 feel, right? I've also been seeing so a lot, 55 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:54,100 a lot of conversations where right now I see a lot of folks 56 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,400 who are interviewing for new jobs and sometimes the 57 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,300 interviewer will ask a question and your might think I don't 58 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:04,300 even know if they're allowed to ask me that. 59 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:09,800 Like they might be asking you about, you know, your plans to 60 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,700 start a family. They might be asking you 61 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:18,300 questions about your past salary or other questions that they're 62 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:24,400 really not allowed to ask and if you ever feel like you're in a 63 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:28,700 situation where you feel kind of put on the spot because someone 64 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:34,900 is asking you a question and you feels weird or you might feel a 65 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,300 little bit like deer in the headlights. 66 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,800 Like your mind goes blank and you think I am. 67 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:46,200 Not sure what I Should even say to this, this is a tactic that 68 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,700 will help. And I also want to give you the 69 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,400 bigger picture strategy behind it. 70 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,700 So one of the things I help teach my coaching clients and my 71 00:04:56,700 --> 00:05:00,400 students is to understand the relationship, between the 72 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:05,600 mindset emotions and actions and mindset. 73 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:10,000 You can think about as how are you thinking about something, 74 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,000 how are you see? Being it, what's your 75 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:16,700 perspective? Your mindset is kind of that 76 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:20,700 higher level look at how are you perceiving this way? 77 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,300 How are you thinking about it and very often? 78 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:27,800 When we transition into a higher levels of leadership and 79 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,800 responsibility and management, there's a huge mindset shift 80 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:36,600 that has to happen in order to do that new job in an effective 81 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,200 way. So for example, when you're an 82 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:44,600 individual contributor off, When our mindset is in one of task 83 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,800 execution, what is might ask? Someone needs to tell me what it 84 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:53,100 is specifically, and then I will do it to the best of my 85 00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:56,000 abilities and that is my mindset. 86 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,600 But when you become a manager, very often, number one, you 87 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:03,200 don't have someone giving you Direction about what you need to 88 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:08,300 do, or how to do it. There's a lot more ambiguity and 89 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,100 a lot more of your discretion comes into play. 90 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,800 Into making that decision. So, if you're feeling like, I 91 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,800 don't know what to do, and no one's telling me that's a good 92 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,700 indicator, that you've got a mindset transition that you're 93 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:25,500 still in the process of making. And the other thing is that, 94 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:29,400 when we're at the manager level, very often, your job is no 95 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,600 longer to be the person who does the direct task. 96 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:37,000 You're now managing the people who are the individual 97 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,800 contributors doing the task and it can be tempting to You want 98 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,500 to stay doing the task because you feel successful and you're 99 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:50,100 good at it and it feels satisfying and now that you're 100 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,600 two steps removed from it. You might feel more frustrated, 101 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,700 or more a drift or like, you're not really sure what your job 102 00:06:57,700 --> 00:07:02,300 is, because the mindset hasn't caught up yet, like you haven't 103 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,300 felt at home in the new mindset of. 104 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,500 It's not my job to do all the things. 105 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,700 That's the fastest way to become the bottleneck, by the way, And 106 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,800 not delegate is when you feel like I'll just do it. 107 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:18,600 I know how it's faster if I do it, then if I teach or train 108 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:23,300 other people, it's a trap, but it's okay. 109 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:27,200 We all feel, like we all go there on the journey to becoming 110 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,600 really effective in the way that we manage people. 111 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,900 That I just want to point this out because it's the mindset 112 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,600 that then is shaping, the behaviors that we do and the 113 00:07:37,608 --> 00:07:41,200 decisions that we make and the emotion comes into play because 114 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,600 As you might have a mindset of how you want to address 115 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:51,200 something, but if your emotion is one of fear and doubt and 116 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,800 uncertainty and your confidence, really like you can't find the 117 00:07:55,800 --> 00:08:01,500 confidence for it then that will prevent you from following 118 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:05,500 through or from following through in the most effective 119 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,800 way. The reason we avoid tough 120 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,200 conversations, it's the emotions either. 121 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,800 We're worried about how the other person will feel and what 122 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,500 emotions they will have. Or we worry about the emotions 123 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,100 that we will feel in having that conversation. 124 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:28,300 And so, it's very important as we grow in our work to have a 125 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,400 greater understanding of, what are the emotions that are 126 00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:34,000 happening? What are is the mindset that's 127 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:39,299 happening because those two combined to drive the actions 128 00:08:39,299 --> 00:08:42,700 that you take or the action. Ins that you avoid. 129 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:47,100 So the question behind the question. 130 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:52,200 This way that this works is if someone asks you a question and 131 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,500 it feels weird or uncomfortable. My favorite way to respond to 132 00:08:56,500 --> 00:09:00,000 that. Question is to say why do you 133 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:04,700 ask it? Seems so simple and it works for 134 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,400 any question. Any question someone can ask 135 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,700 you. You can pause and look at them. 136 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,200 And simply reply with. Hmm. 137 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,800 Why do you ask? What is the question behind 138 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,000 their question? And this does a couple of things 139 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,800 it puts the spotlight off of you and back to them. 140 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:30,300 So if you're feeling like pressure to answer it gives you 141 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,600 a little bit of space. You don't have to answer, you 142 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,800 can ask them for more information that also buys you a 143 00:09:36,808 --> 00:09:41,100 little bit of time so you can gather your thoughts. 144 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:45,000 You can, you know, understand what is it that they're really 145 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:51,600 asking for and it's helpful also because so if you're the person 146 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,200 who is being asked the question, a lot of us have learned just do 147 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,600 our formal education. We've kind of internalize this 148 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:03,400 idea that your job is to answer the question that someone asks 149 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:08,100 you and your job is to answer it quickly and it's to be correct. 150 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:13,200 Now, if someone asks you a question, You feel pressured to 151 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,600 answer right away. If you feel pressured to have a 152 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,800 right answer, that just creates a really difficult situation 153 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:24,800 because I want to tell you as an adult working in the world. 154 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:28,800 Your job is not to answer questions quickly and correctly, 155 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:34,000 that might sound really weird and counterintuitive but instead 156 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,600 our job is really to have an understanding of what are we 157 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,800 trying to accomplish here? And what's the best way to do 158 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,100 that? And the the best way can be a 159 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:47,000 lot of different ways, right? We can look through the lens of 160 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,100 equity. We can look the little ones of 161 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:53,400 inclusion, we can look through the lens of, you know, time we 162 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,000 can look through the lens of like Regulatory Compliance. 163 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,600 We can look through so many different lenses to answer that 164 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,400 question. Is this the best way to approach 165 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,900 this? And so it's not about having the 166 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,500 right answer. Sometimes, there is no Writing 167 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,900 on Sir. There's only this is the current 168 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:17,800 available answer. It's not about being able to 169 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:23,100 respond right away to the question as asked, but you know, 170 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:28,000 that reflex might be really, really, you know, conditioned in 171 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000 you. And so you might feel this 172 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,400 immediate feeling of like, oh, I have to perform and give the 173 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,300 right answer right away. So if you feel that start to 174 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:39,800 flare up, I just want you to remember someone asks a 175 00:11:39,808 --> 00:11:45,600 question, you can always Always respond by pausing and asking. 176 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:49,400 Why do you ask? And I want to give you a kind of 177 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,900 a sweet example of this. Because when I was thinking 178 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:57,200 about this one of the first moments, I think I understood 179 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:02,300 this concept in kind of an unexpected way I was I was maybe 180 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:06,900 seven years old seven or eight years old and it was just after 181 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:11,100 the Christmas holiday and for the Christmas holiday I had 182 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:15,600 You've got a gift. It was this giant like chocolate 183 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,900 candy. If you're familiar with 184 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:21,100 Hershey's, kiss? Kisses, it was like a giant 185 00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:23,700 Hershey's kiss. And I was a little kid. 186 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,100 So this thing like I had to hold it with two hands, it was that 187 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:32,900 big and of course you know my parents were very they're like 188 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,100 you're not going to eat all that at. 189 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,400 Once we're gonna put that in the refrigerator, you can have some 190 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:41,000 of it sometimes and so I had this giant Hershey's. 191 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:45,900 Kiss, it was wrapped in tinfoil. It was in the refrigerator and I 192 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:49,500 wanted it, and I knew I wasn't supposed to have it, but my mom 193 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,400 was outside working in the garden. 194 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:57,100 And I decided that what I would do was, I would go outside and 195 00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:01,900 super casual. I said, hey Mom, how long are 196 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:06,000 you going to be out here? You gonna be out here a while 197 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,000 and I don't remember what she said. 198 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,600 I think she's kind of looked at me like You know, I'm gardening, 199 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,700 you know, I'm sure she was thinking like, why did why did 200 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:18,700 my child ask me this? But she know, she's gardening 201 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:22,800 and then I just I walk casually back in the house and they went 202 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,700 to the refrigerator. I opened it. 203 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:30,600 I took out the chocolate candy and I think I brought it into 204 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,300 like a blanket fort or something like this is me trying really 205 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:40,400 hard to be sneaky but I remember hearing the front door open and 206 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,800 she walks Sin and she finds me and she sees me, and I've got 207 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,900 this chocolate in both hands, and I'm trying to scrape the 208 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:50,500 chocolate off with my two front teeth because it was so big. 209 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,100 You couldn't really bite it. I could just scrape the 210 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:57,500 chocolate off and she looked at me like really, you know, you're 211 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,300 not supposed to be doing that. And so I thought. 212 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:05,200 Oh right, of course, even if you are a parent, you've probably 213 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:10,000 had moments like this where your child asks you a question and 214 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:16,200 you pause And you think where's this question coming from what 215 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:20,600 is behind this question? Like what is this really about? 216 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:26,200 And so you can use this technique in the workplace in 217 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,600 someone asks you a question you can always pause and ask huh? 218 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:35,000 Like why do you ask, you can ask, where is this question 219 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:39,200 coming from, right? You want to understand what is 220 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:43,300 the mindset of the person? Who is asking, how are they 221 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,300 thinking? What is it that they are trying 222 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:53,200 to solve by asking this question and if you are working with 223 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:58,900 people who have area expertise in different areas, this 224 00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,500 actually becomes really important in terms of 225 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,200 communicating effectively, because we don't always 226 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:10,100 understand each other's domain and the language and the nuances 227 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,100 of how things. Happen. 228 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,900 Right? So I sometimes see conflict 229 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:21,300 between like the sales team and the product team sales says like 230 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,300 hey we need the product to do this and the product team is 231 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:27,400 like you clearly have no idea what we do. 232 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,200 Otherwise you would not be asking for it in that way 233 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,700 because you would know that that is not a possible thing or as 234 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:38,500 another example so many many years ago in another lifetime, I 235 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:45,100 worked for a beer company. And beer is a regulated product. 236 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,800 Here, in the United States, there are certain rules about 237 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,400 how you can advertise it and sell it. 238 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,100 And they are different in every state in the US. 239 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:59,000 And I worked in marketing and we would go to our legal team and 240 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000 say, hey, we want to do this. We want to do that and legal 241 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,600 would say. Okay, we're glad that you came 242 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:08,700 to us that is illegal in these states, you cannot do that. 243 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,100 It has to be this other way, right? 244 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,400 So, I might come asking a question about, you know, what 245 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,700 are the, how do we want to do a sweepstakes? 246 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,900 We want to do a giveaway? It's going to have all this cool 247 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:23,300 stuff and the legal team would say, wait, wait, we need to back 248 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:26,500 up because the way you're asking this question, clearly, you do 249 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:30,200 not have like a functional understanding of some really 250 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,200 important things that will affect the way that you do this. 251 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,600 So, if you're ever in a conversation at work with 252 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,500 someone who has different functional expertise, Peace. 253 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,500 You might find that they're either struggling to ask a 254 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,800 question or they're asking you for something. 255 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,700 But in a way that you think, this doesn't really make sense, 256 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,400 what are they really trying to accomplish? 257 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:58,600 Because the way they are asking, the question is their attempt to 258 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:03,900 try to accomplish something? I think more casually. 259 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:08,900 We see this a lot when people are having conversations about 260 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:13,200 career paths. So, More asked me, for example, 261 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:19,200 can like, tell me how you transitioned from, you know, 262 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,000 being a lawyer to teaching meditation and now you're a 263 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,500 coach for new managers and often what they're really asking is, 264 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:31,500 not for my story, but they are trying to understand their 265 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,300 Story. And there's something that 266 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:37,600 they're struggling with that, they are hoping to understand 267 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,000 better by me, telling them what I did. 268 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,200 And sometimes it's actually easier to say, we'll just tell 269 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,000 me. Where are you at in your career 270 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,600 journey and what are you really struggling with? 271 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:54,000 And let's look at that and then I can offer you, maybe something 272 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,500 from my experience that will be helpful. 273 00:17:56,900 --> 00:18:00,300 So sometimes just remembering the reason they're asking this 274 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,200 question, is there something they're trying to accomplish? 275 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:07,300 And you can pause and say, like, how many understand what are you 276 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:11,400 trying to accomplish it before? I answer that, let me ask You 277 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:16,200 this it's also a lovely sort of technique. 278 00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:20,200 When someone asks a question to Simply say, oh that's a great 279 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,200 question. And part of what that does is it 280 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:28,100 can help to build two things, it can build in a little bit of 281 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,600 time, but it also helps to build Goodwill. 282 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,000 And especially if you are a manager and you have one of your 283 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,300 direct reports coming to you with a question, you want to 284 00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:42,000 encourage them, generally, you want to Courage, open 285 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,800 communication, you want to encourage them, coming to you 286 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,600 with questions sooner rather than later. 287 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:52,500 And so just by saying, oh, good question, I'm glad you asked. 288 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,500 You know, why do you ask? What's going on that? 289 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,100 Can be a way of taking that bigger picture to understand 290 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,700 what is their mindset, how are they thinking? 291 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,900 And seeing, what are they trying to accomplish through this 292 00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:08,700 question? And it can help to get a little 293 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,500 bit more clarity about what is this? 294 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,800 Shin really about. So that's what I wanted to share 295 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:19,100 with you this concept of the question behind the question, 296 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,200 use it. If you are ever in a situation 297 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,700 where you feel put on the spot, if someone is asking you 298 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,900 something that doesn't feel right, or that feels a little 299 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:34,500 bit weird or off, but you can also use it and it's a way of 300 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,200 building trust in a way of understanding. 301 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:40,700 What is it that this person is trying to accomplish whether 302 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:44,700 it's a Direct report or a cross-functional partner or even 303 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:48,900 a customer or client? I would say actually a lot of 304 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:52,900 times clients may ask may ask questions, they may ask for 305 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,600 things and you might think what the heck are they doing? 306 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,300 This is like, what, what where is this coming from? 307 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,300 You can simply ask them. Oh, great question, why do you 308 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,000 ask, what are you thinking? Tell me where is this coming 309 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:07,900 from? What's driving? 310 00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,500 This, what is it that you're trying to accomplish? 311 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:17,400 With this and that can bring more information into the shared 312 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,700 conversation and that can make it easier to be collaborative 313 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,500 and finding a path forward that works for everybody. 314 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:27,900 So that is what I wanted to share with you today. 315 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:31,200 Thank you so much for listening. If you want to work with me 316 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,500 one-on-one you can go into the show notes book, a consultation 317 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,100 with me and we will talk about it. 318 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:41,000 You can also go directly to my website canonical.com, then you 319 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,600 Can find the link for consults there. 320 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:49,800 And again, be sure you get on my email list so that you can join 321 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,300 me in January for some of these workshops that I will be 322 00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:55,500 offering. All right, I hope you have a 323 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:58,400 wonderful rest of your week and I'll talk to you later. 324 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:05,900 Bye. Hey, before you go, if you like 325 00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:08,400 this podcast, please leave a review. 326 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,400 Tell me why you listen and What has helped you. 327 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,800 Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.