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Welcome to Vancouver, True 
Crime. 

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I'm Mark. 
I'm the host the show today. 

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Have a very special guest, a 
very honored, have Chantel the 

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divorce coat. 
So wide introduce yourself 

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Chantal and kind of what you 
offer in your services. 

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We've been talking so by trough 
are and I thought oh my God, we 

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better get going if the show so 
we better save it for the 

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podcast. 
Right? 

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Exactly how I'm Chantal up the 
divorce top. 

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And my goal is to help victims 
and survivors of abuse 

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specifically narcissistic and 
sociopathic abuse strategy. 

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Logically and methodically the 
leave their abusers. 

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Hopefully, I'm hired before they
leave, and because that just 

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really lays a good foundation. 
But if not, then anytime after 

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leaving, because as we know, 
typically, with abusers abused 

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as an end because the 
relationship ends, it know, 

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oftentimes and it's like an 
intensified eyes and amplifies 

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after you actually. 
And I helped with everything I 

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help from hiring lawyers to 
knowing what kind of questions 

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to ask to what to expect through
the process to safeguarding 

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yourself and your children. 
Abusers will typically use your 

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children as pawns to hurt you, 
how to create really effective 

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and maintain effective, 
boundaries around your piece, in

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your new life and how to 
parallel parent how to document,

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how to communicate, effectively?
As you're no longer stuck on the

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Merry-Go-Round, right on south 
pole, communication with your 

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abuser. 
So all that sort of stuff under 

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one giant umbrella. 
Well, that's amazing because it 

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like worth. 
I was talking first hand, I've 

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been kind of going in a deeper 
dive into narcissistic abuse and

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What are my thoughts are? 
As because divorce has a massive

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impact on kids and it has a 
massive impact, actually even 

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Honor Society most of the kids 
that become juvenile delinquent 

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homeless drug addiction which is
super prevalent in Vancouver and

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not only that. 
But even dangerous because of 

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the fat and all and opiate 
crisis is caused by parenting, 

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poor parenting and parents that 
can't get along. 

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The have conflict abused, each 
other, and ultimately divorced, 

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every kid that I've ever met 
that, Ben's having a hard time 

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currently or has had a hard time
in the past was because of their

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parents divorce or divorce has a
massive impact on children and 

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Honor Society. 
The narcissistic abuse, it seems

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to take it to another level. 
There's a million reasons why 

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parents don't get along and not 
all people that divorce are bad 

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people. 
There's many reasons that are 

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legitimate to divorce is for, 
for maybe, it's sometimes best 

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for the kids to divorce. 
But in these scenarios were you 

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have someone for luck? 
Of a better word a Monster who 

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maybe they're not classically 
violent, but they're highly 

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manipulative. 
They know how to put people 

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together. 
They know how to destroy 

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people's self-esteem and they 
know how to be use by eroding. 

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Someone's self-esteem by insults
put-downs, pauses, massive 

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mental issues and mental health 
problems and has a massive 

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impact on our society. 
So I think this is an important 

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conversation and I'm really 
happy that you're here to talk 

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about it with me. 
Yes, incredibly important. 

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And what you just preface this 
whole conversation with is 

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something that falls under the 
category of a scores. 

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And I'm not sure if you've heard
of a scores but it actually 

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refers to adverse childhood 
experiences typically children 

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who are exposed to a plethora of
things within their home life. 

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The higher, the score, the worse
off the child will be later on 

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in life and Ace scores fall 
under things like sexual abuse, 

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emotional abuse, Physical abuse 
of the children plus intimate, 

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partner violence, IE to parents 
from incarceration, through to 

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alcoholism or drug addiction. 
And children who are exposed to 

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four or more scores on the ace 
score, typically, suffer 

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long-term mental, emotional and 
physical health issues later on 

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in life, including depression 
anxiety, addiction themselves. 

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All that sort of stuff, really 
interesting. 

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And really important to 
understand that there actually 

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is a whole study, and it's 
called Ace. 

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A scores? 
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to

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definitely look into that 
because it just, you added, uh, 

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literally just from my 
experience. 

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You know, people, I grew up with
people have seen people's kids 

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that I've seen, who are really, 
you know, struggling and doing 

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the regular things for 
themselves. 

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You know, kids with low 
self-esteem. 

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Getting involved in gangs, 
getting involved, terrible 

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things, you ask them. 
What's going on? 

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What happened? 
Home it started when we 

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divorced. 
It was his since we started 

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divorcing. 
My notice my kid is You know, 

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their behaviors has changed, 
right? 

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Maybe talk a bit about, we 
talked about this quite a depth 

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off air, but why, you know, the 
family court doesn't seem very 

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family-friendly, boil it down. 
Well, it really comes down to a 

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lack of Education. 
I'm sure there are people, who 

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simply just don't care, but a 
lot of judges and lawyers and 

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experts child psychologists 
social workers. 

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All the people who are part of 
the process in family court and 

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it's not just a Canadian issue, 
it's not Is an American issue is

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literally a worldwide, Family 
Court crisis. 

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They just don't have the 
understanding. 

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They don't have the education as
though they show up ignorant. 

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I like, they're either, they 
simply don't care or they choose

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to not put in the time to 
educate themselves. 

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So you have judges, who preside 
over domestic violence cases 

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with zero training. 
And unfortunately, the societal 

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belief is that domestic abuse is
just about the parents. 

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And again, remember, it's not 
Not just physical domestic 

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violence, domestic. 
Abuse is any form of abuse, that

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happens between people in any 
kind of relationship. 

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And they believe, unfortunately,
that if you separate the 

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parents, the abuse will stop 
that. 

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It's merely an incompatibility 
issue between the adults and 

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that it doesn't have an impact 
on the children. 

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Like we talked about 
narcissistic abusers, do not 

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stop abusing because the 
relationship ends, they always 

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up the ante post-separation into
what is known as post-separation

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abuse. 
So, Really critical that people 

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who are involved in the family 
court system from judges, all 

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the way through your lawyers and
everybody in between is educated

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so that they're aware of how 
presenters operate how they 

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actually, how abusers present, 
abusers aren't these monsters. 

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They don't look terrible. 
They oftentimes are incredibly 

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charming and charismatic and 
educated and articulate. 

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And they present really well in 
court. 

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They do not present as 
discombobulated and irrational. 

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Their calm, they I love that 
kind of stage. 

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They love to have this kind of 
stress, whereas, the average 

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person especially a victim who's
depleted, who's exhausted who 

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was fighting for the safety of 
their children and themselves. 

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They come across oftentimes as 
unhinged and irrational, 

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emotional. 
And then you have cases where 

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children are sent to live with 
abusers and right. 

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Best case scenario. 
These children experience 

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trauma, just by living with an 
abuser at the worst case. 

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They died at the hands of their 
parents. 

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Yeah, that's all the most awful.
You know, scenario. 

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But even even like Don the 
subtle specs, I do a series with

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the narcissistic Survivor on the
Spectrum. 

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You know, on the lightest is 
walking on eggshells, but 

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walking on eggshells for months 
on end or years on end, it is 

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abuse, it really is. 
But but when you try to explain 

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that to someone all, you don't 
you're not being hit, not being.

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And I think that is the 
pervasive mentality in society 

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is that, if they're not being 
punched or hit and it's not a 

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physical It'll bruise, then it 
is not actually abuse, but you 

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have to understand that any type
of fear or stress. 

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That's prolonged, right? 
Prolong stressed wrecks. 

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Havoc on your body and literally
leads to people's massive health

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issues, long-term cancer, fibro,
anxiety, depression, weight, 

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gain, weight loss, thyroid 
issues. 

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These are all things that are 
impacted by exposure to stress. 

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Stress isn't really supposed to 
be a short-term fight-or-flight,

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right? 
Like to get you out of being 

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chased by a tear? 
But if you're living in it, even

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if you're just and I just and 
quotations living and walking on

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eggshells, you're constantly 
under stress. 

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When is my parent going to 
isolate me? 

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Or ignore me or neglect me? 
When is my parent going to give 

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me affection, all that creates, 
massive amounts of stress, which

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then impact the child's ability 
to fully Survive and Thrive and 

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reach their full potential, 
giving your kid a disability. 

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So they can't function in this. 
This world or even world, that's

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even more complex. 
So to me, that, that is pure 

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abuse because you write believe 
a job as a parent is to prepare 

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your kid for society, and be 
able for that kid to adjust and 

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be part of a larger community. 
And when they can't, well, 

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that's the thing. 
As far as they're concerned to 

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the world, they are the perfect 
parent, right? 

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In any bottle off the lutely on 
paper. 

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All perfect parent. 
Oh yeah, and you boil it down as

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they cannot take accountability 
for anything even if they're the

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grandiose form. 
Of narcissist or sociopath or a 

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covert one. 
Right? 

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Who's comes across as more 
humble shy or more vulnerable? 

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At the end of the day, they will
not ever take accountability. 

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They are always a victim of 
circumstance. 

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It's never their fault, which is
why they manipulate everybody 

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into deflecting and projecting 
all that sort of stuff that they

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do behind the scenes. 
We are even two people that 

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think that they're good, people.
It's all because they can never 

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be held accountable. 
They are perfect and it is part 

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of their very curated facade. 
Because underneath all of that 

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is a very, very fragile ego and 
anybody who holds them 

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accountable or presents them 
with the fact has to be 

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destroyed because their entire 
existence is about pretending 

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about facilitating the sly where
they are. 

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In fact, perfect. 
They're always the smartest 

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person in a room. 
Oh yeah. 

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They're always the best like the
best looking. 

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They're always the richest. 
They're always the best parent. 

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They're always the most 
successful business person. 

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They're never at fault. 
They're never. 

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Able to ever be held accountable
and the tragedy is that these 

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children come out of childhood 
with a deficit. 

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They don't experience stability,
they don't know, experience, 

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unconditional love, right? 
You're supposed to feel safe 

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with your parents in your health
Society. 

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Indoctrinates us, all to believe
that all parents love their 

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children. 
Yeah, and that I think is a 

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massive disservice for children 
who are raised by abusers 

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because the cognitive dissonance
understanding societally that 

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your that's love you 
unconditionally. 

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But then experiencing isolation 
triangulation, State, coating, 

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gas, lighting manipulation, all 
that sort of stuff as a child. 

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Really. 
The child isn't stopped loving 

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their parent. 
They stopped loving themselves. 

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Yes, that is the foundation of 
all the other issues that they 

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have emotionally and mentally, 
the people pleaser in the house 

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right there, they're doing that 
to create peace to avoid 

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confrontation. 
Yeah, you said something I'm 

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very interesting and I and I was
saying the stood in another 

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conversation the child stops 
loving themselves. 

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And I said this, another 
conversation about another very 

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narcissistic abuse, a 
relationship that I've been 

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witness to the thought, my 
relationship, and I've been 

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witness to and this is what I 
boiled down to this abuse. 

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What it's dahua, what has done? 
It is stripped, the ability of 

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both the children to love 
themselves. 

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If they can't love themselves, 
and Can't do what's best for 

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themselves. 
You know, whom you love 

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yourself, you do its best for 
yourself. 

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They've lost their ability to 
love themselves. 

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So if they can't love 
themselves, how do you expect 

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these kids to show respect, or 
love for anyone else? 

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So, in my opinion, this parent 
has stolen the ability of this 

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trade of these, two children to 
love themselves. 

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And now both of these children 
are and in terrible mental and 

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in shape and I'm hopefully some 
miracle turn around with these 

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kids. 
Need a lot of Help. 

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And it's all because of a, 
narcissistic abuse of parent 

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that dis a net. 
And the thing is, is that 

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00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,700
oftentimes there are those 
children, just like you 

229
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described to come across as it 
is like in a deficit, right? 

230
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They don't take care of 
themselves and don't shower, 

231
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they don't present. 
But there's also a lot of 

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children who present 
beautifully, right? 

233
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So they're very artists teachers
and caregivers and therapists to

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actually spot these children 
because they're highly 

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perfectionistic re have a lot of
onus on their appearances and 

236
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,800
their athletes, right? 
So they Really well. 

237
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And so they appear to society, 
especially in our society, where

238
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we are really honed into how you
present, right, the awards like 

239
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:39,000
a bit. 
We don't have time - Awards, we 

240
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have Atletico Wars, we have 
academic Awards, right? 

241
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So, these children who are also 
raised in these incredibly 

242
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abusive homes, come out and 
present really well, their hair 

243
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,200
is always immaculately brushed, 
their clothes are always 

244
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impeccable. 
They get the highest grades. 

245
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They, you know, are on all these
teams and they do really well. 

246
00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:00,500
Those children are equally 
deficient at home for sure, 

247
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because he owes kids, easy have 
a bad crash to, I've seen that 

248
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,600
before tuning around holders to 
secret, and yeah, it's 

249
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interesting. 
What abuse does because in a 

250
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household, if there is a miss, a
abusive Dad one kid could 

251
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present himself. 
As you said, another kid could 

252
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present himself very differently
when could become a very 

253
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people-pleaser than the other 
one becomes a very abusive that 

254
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,200
I could. 
Yeah. 

255
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,700
And there's a mic the hierarchy.
So, but The Golden Child, the 

256
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:30,800
faith, For child, is the child, 
who's chosen to represent the 

257
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,100
parents Perfection to society, 
right? 

258
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:36,500
This is the child, and this role
can change at any time, which is

259
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,900
why kids are constantly 
competing to have that rule. 

260
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,600
So it's always stressful. 
So that child tends to get more 

261
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:46,100
accolades gets like the best 
parenting gets the best exposure

262
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:50,700
to, because they are the ones 
who try really hard to show the 

263
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,300
world. 
They tend to be perfectionist. 

264
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They tend to have high anxiety. 
And yes, they tend to be closer 

265
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,100
to their motion. 
Cystic parent because the parent

266
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views them as an extension of 
themselves. 

267
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:04,100
Look how perfect I am based on 
my child and then you have the 

268
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,500
child if there's like three or 
four children, you have unlike 

269
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:10,000
the people pleaser to falling in
between and they tend to be very

270
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,200
accommodating but they also tend
to be children who then grow up 

271
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:18,100
to partner with people just like
this because the Have No 

272
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,500
Boundaries, right? 
And then at the very end of the 

273
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:23,600
spectrum, you have the scapegoat
child and all the ills of the 

274
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,700
family are placed on this one 
child and that child. 

275
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Old is responsible for all the 
wrong stuff. 

276
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,400
And so again, it deflects 
responsibility from the 

277
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,400
narcissistic parent, who then 
projects onto this one, child, 

278
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,200
all the ills that they have, 
right? 

279
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,100
And that child tends to be the 
child who struggles and again, 

280
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:44,000
just like anybody who loses 
control, if you don't have 

281
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,700
control, especially in your 
whole life, especially when 

282
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you're young and vulnerable and 
impressionable. 

283
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,500
You, you create maladaptive 
coping mechanisms, right? 

284
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,800
These are children. 
Who might cut? 

285
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,700
These are children, who have 
fangs night? 

286
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,700
She had depression, these are 
children who turned to 

287
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:03,300
substances to noun themselves. 
These are children who have, you

288
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:06,500
know, anorexia and bulimia, 
because they have no control. 

289
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,300
So they really struggle to find 
control in another way so that 

290
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,000
they actually have control over 
their own lives, some way? 

291
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:16,000
Yeah, that makes sense to like, 
you brought up some stuff that 

292
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,500
got me thinking as well. 
We're so let's talk about this 

293
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,800
for people that are listening, 
moving men or women, probably 

294
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,800
more so women, unfortunately, 
who could be thinking about 

295
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:31,100
Divorcing their partner that's 
narcissistic, abuse of Social 

296
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:34,700
Power affect, maybe all these 
things, and maybe what are the 

297
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,100
some of the things I should 
start thinking about especially 

298
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,000
if they're in one of these types
of relationships. 

299
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,800
Because divorcing what I've seen
you know personally divorcing 

300
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,200
it's on it's on a boat. 
It's like you got to win your 

301
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,300
freedom. 
It's not just divorcing. 

302
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,900
You know, you're eating. 
Yeah, exactly. 

303
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,300
Because again I've said I've 
known a lot of people in my life

304
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,900
and not a lot of people got 
divorce and even people that 

305
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,600
were both kind of cry. 
Copy, who had tough divorces, 

306
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,000
but they weren't narcissistic 
they were just kind of crappy 

307
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,200
people, right? 
Maybe they had alcohol issues or

308
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,300
whatever these people are on a 
whole different level. 

309
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,900
When you divorce am, it's 
scorched-earth. 

310
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:12,500
It's getting ready for the earth
to be salted and trench warfare.

311
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:16,200
So, the more I attend a and I 
can't stress this and I'm pretty

312
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,300
sure you can. 
The more you can understand this

313
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,700
up front of what you're going to
go into better, right? 

314
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,000
Well, and here's the thing, and 
that's why I created my page and

315
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,400
that's why I do the work that I 
do. 

316
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,900
Because I I really can't stress.
This enough education is key, 

317
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,000
knowledge is power and so many 
victims. 

318
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,900
For whatever reason simply, 
don't understand that leaving is

319
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,700
not going to be the hardest 
part. 

320
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,800
It's staying gone. 
That's going to be the hardest 

321
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,800
part leaving even though it's 
scary and there's so many 

322
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,500
obstacles. 
It's the easiest part of you 

323
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,800
leaving a narcissistic or 
sociopathic abuse or once you 

324
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,200
would leave its game on gloves 
are off and it is absolute 

325
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,300
Warfare and you are a Public 
Enemy Number One because you 

326
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,800
have Aired, leave them, 
abandonment is their greatest 

327
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,600
concern, right? 
Even if they cheated on you and 

328
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,900
discarded, you you moving on, 
you filing for Bears. 

329
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,200
Yeah. 
You doing anything that's not 

330
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:11,900
continuously Tethered to them 
and not at the cost of back in 

331
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,500
and call, if you become the 
enemy because you've abandoned 

332
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,200
them and then their other fear 
is exposure, right? 

333
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,400
So, if you've left them, and 
you're educated about and you 

334
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:24,200
start to put the pieces together
and confront them on their 

335
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,400
behavior, their other fears 
exposure because They've worked 

336
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,400
their entire lives to create 
this public Persona, right? 

337
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,600
Yeah. 
So people need to be methodical.

338
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,700
I rarely get clients, who hire 
me before they leave and while I

339
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:38,600
can be very effective after you 
leave. 

340
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,600
If you've hired the wrong 
lawyer, and there's been motions

341
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,800
and orders in place. 
It's really hard for me to 

342
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,700
effectively help you because 
there's already been issues and 

343
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,000
obstacles. 
Put in place by the court system

344
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,100
by the bye everybody. 
The bath time to hire me or any 

345
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:56,100
other kind of high conflict. 
Divorce coach is before you even

346
00:17:56,100 --> 00:18:00,200
have the Russian or Escape so 
that you can be strategic so 

347
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,600
that you could be methodical and
how you extricate yourself from 

348
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,100
the abuse financially, ensuring 
that you have funds. 

349
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:11,200
I mean, the easiest way to keep 
a person submissive and 

350
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,900
acquiescent is to restrict their
access to money. 

351
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,400
And guess what is the first 
thing that most abusers do is 

352
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,700
they cut you off from credit 
cards bank accounts? 

353
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,300
They put you into debt so you 
can't even get a credit card. 

354
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,400
Good luck trying to rent a car 
or get an apartment if you have 

355
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,500
no credit or very core credit, 
right? 

356
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,400
So, it's really important that 
if people are thinking of 

357
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,700
leaving that, they do the work 
before they even allow their 

358
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,900
partner to understand that 
they're leaving now, these 

359
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:42,200
people are hyper tomb to Spidey 
senses, they can pick up when 

360
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,100
things are changing when they 
feel you pulling away. 

361
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,900
And so if you're planning on 
leaving, you need to be very 

362
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:50,700
careful that you do not allow 
them to see that you're leaving,

363
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:53,600
but they have no idea. 
And that means that you need to 

364
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,400
safeguard yourself 
electronically, right? 

365
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,500
Change your passwords. 
Clear your search histories 

366
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:01,700
ensure that you have a nest egg 
that they don't know about that.

367
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:06,000
You also journal and or document
all the infractions everything 

368
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,200
and be specific time and place. 
Who was there? 

369
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,800
What happened in a place that 
they can't access? 

370
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:14,400
They will go through your stuff,
they will access your phone's. 

371
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,800
They will access your emails. 
They'll go through your purse, 

372
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,500
your wallet, your car. 
So it's earlier of our many 

373
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,500
boundaries at all. 
Like they really don't and they 

374
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:26,500
do not think it's off the cable.
Can you you as a real human 

375
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,100
being? 
They see. 

376
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,700
UFO, or they just see you as 
like, a construct that they've 

377
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:35,200
created their head what and 
leaving and leaving is the 

378
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,800
scariest point. 
So even if your partner has 

379
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,900
never been physical in your 
actual relationship, prepare for

380
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:45,200
them to become physical again. 
Yeah, you have literally 

381
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,700
triggered their worst fear of 
Abandonment and they're losing 

382
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,400
control and losing power over 
you. 

383
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,800
So they must increase their 
tactics to get you to submit 

384
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,400
back into the fold. 
Yeah. 

385
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:59,200
So they will Literally do 
everything in their power and 

386
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,300
they have no, no morals, there's
no ethics, right? 

387
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:06,900
So it truly is Warfare at all 
costs, they don't care. 

388
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:10,500
Who gets killed in the cross 
fires, they said scorched Earth.

389
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,100
Yeah, which is why they often 
times use their children. 

390
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:16,300
They literally view their 
children as pawns, right? 

391
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,000
And they know if you're at the 
protective loving healthy 

392
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,000
parent. 
Yeah. 

393
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,800
Worst way to hurt you, is to 
hurt your children or restrict 

394
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:28,600
her access to your children. 
Yeah, no, they absolutely can be

395
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,400
awful. 
And then we talked a little bit 

396
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,400
about, you know, before we 
started about the family court 

397
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,100
system because people here 
Family Court, they think, oh, 

398
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,700
they're going to care or when or
when I tell them about the of 

399
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:41,900
all the Affairs at they had. 
And they're going to care about 

400
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,900
all the verbal abuse and they're
going to care about, you know, 

401
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:48,100
all the of isolation in the 
financial abuse and this and 

402
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:50,600
that. 
And and then to most people's 

403
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,700
astonishment, those are not even
really kind of the shoulder 

404
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:58,500
shrug and and family court did. 
Count again, you have Cobalt, he

405
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:04,100
he he paid the mortgage, right? 
And again, the premise is that 

406
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,800
it's an incompatibility issues, 
so that you guys are just having

407
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,400
a called operate, the 256k 
adults. 

408
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,900
Yeah, and everything will stop, 
right? 

409
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:16,000
That's why I said I would think 
about doing mediation or couples

410
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,500
therapy or, you know, therapies,
and it's always weird how to 

411
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,300
communicate with each other, 
right co-parenting? 

412
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:27,200
I mean co-parenting, see the 
problem is that it's Possible to

413
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,800
a victim to extricate themselves
and to live a really beautiful 

414
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,300
life. 
But if you're constantly 

415
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,400
Tethered to your abuser, through
your children, right? 

416
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,500
Children. 
Are the ultimate constraint, 

417
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:39,800
right? 
They literally shackle you to 

418
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,700
your abuser for 18 years until 
your child ages out of the 

419
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:46,700
system, right? 
And you can't fully heal and 

420
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,800
Thrive while constantly having 
to be in contact with the person

421
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,800
who created all of your stress 
and anxiety and like an issues, 

422
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:59,400
and that's why it's so Parrot of
that all of society from top 

423
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,600
down from judges, all the way, 
through the society, understand 

424
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,900
the real, underlying, premise of
abuse that it's all about power 

425
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,700
and control. 
And that it does not stop, 

426
00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:11,300
simply because two, people part 
ways that it, oftentimes 

427
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:16,000
intensifies, and they need to 
understand that nothing is off 

428
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,900
the table with this type of 
abuse, or they will literally do

429
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:22,500
everything at all costs to 
break. 

430
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,300
You, you being the victim and 
they will use her children all 

431
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:26,700
the time. 
Time. 

432
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,800
This is why children get killed 
by parents right? 

433
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,100
It is also gets injury to the 
healthy protective parent. 

434
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,500
Yeah. 
And the pets to they'll Target 

435
00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:37,300
the pets as well. 
The other thing, too, and in 

436
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:40,500
cases, you know, unfortunately, 
invite platform, I, you know, 

437
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:45,000
over the years, I've had DM's 
from women mostly from every 

438
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,300
horrible scenario from very 
brutal domestic abuse to, you 

439
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,500
know, narcissistic abuse 
gaslighting. 

440
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,100
You name it the whole thing, 
right? 

441
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:57,800
Sexual assaults everything. 
And, and what Comes down to like

442
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,000
what you said. 
It gets the most dangerous when 

443
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,900
they're trying to leave because 
that's when they're trying to 

444
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,600
observe even more control. 
You know? 

445
00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:09,600
Like yeah kind of a size out to.
So we talked a little bit also 

446
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:14,300
about hiring a lawyer that's 
trauma-based informed when why 

447
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,600
is that? 
Well because you need a lawyer 

448
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:20,500
who actually truly understands 
this type of Personality. 

449
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:25,900
A lot of them spout and they wax
lyrical about being, you know, I

450
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:29,100
They are knowledgeable about 
narcissus, they understand 

451
00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:31,900
abuse, but they truly don't 
understand. 

452
00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:34,400
It's important for them to 
understand because then they can

453
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,700
be strategic in how they tackle 
this. 

454
00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:40,400
Your lawyer's job is to advocate
for you, right to right? 

455
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,400
Get you and your children, what 
you need to be able to leave 

456
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,700
safely and continue to have a 
life post-separation and after 

457
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:49,900
divorce. 
And if they don't truly 

458
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:54,400
understand this then a they 
won't be able to help you as a 

459
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,400
as a human who has experienced 
on. 

460
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,700
Owen trauma and is easily 
triggered and if easily reactive

461
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:02,800
right, and they also won't be 
able to advocate for you, 

462
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,100
effectively, in court and do 
what needs to be done to get 

463
00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:12,400
you, your freedom, and they will
prolong things they will do the 

464
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,300
wrong things, not truly 
understanding that it's life and

465
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:19,300
death. 
Even if you survive your quality

466
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:22,400
of life, if not dealt with 
properly, is going to be greatly

467
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,900
diminished for you. 
And your children. 

468
00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:29,100
I've witnessed to is like how So
creative that they can be with 

469
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:31,200
abuse. 
And I know, like I said Isis 

470
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:35,200
against a, they can weaponize 
everyday objects as a beast. 

471
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,200
Like things that more if you try
to repeat as an abusive system, 

472
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,800
they can take any scenario that 
maybe you have to cooperate with

473
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,600
them. 
Part of what I also offer my 

474
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,500
clients is help with their 
parenting plans or their orders 

475
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:51,400
around parenting because I have 
seen so many poorly written 

476
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,800
parenting plans, which for 
average people as fine, right? 

477
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,200
We even if egos are As in people
have been cheated on and 

478
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,100
laughed, the average person at 
some point, be able to dust 

479
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,700
themselves off and do what's 
actually best for their 

480
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:04,600
children. 
Yeah. 

481
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,700
But this type of person is not 
your average bear and if 

482
00:25:08,700 --> 00:25:12,000
parenting plans are an airtight,
the language is so ambiguous and

483
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,500
so many parenting plans which 
allows all these loopholes and 

484
00:25:15,508 --> 00:25:18,500
all these gray areas which is a 
playground for this type of. 

485
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,000
So the parenting plan needs to 
be airtight language needs to be

486
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,800
Rock Solid. 
There cannot be any gray as 

487
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,400
black or white. 
It has to be so specific. 

488
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:29,500
Bill, which is what I do with a 
lot of my clients has helped 

489
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:31,600
them either. 
Hopefully, if they hire me soon 

490
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,700
enough, because they know then 
knowledge is power. 

491
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,400
I'm able to, at least create 
some sort of awareness as to 

492
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,700
what to include in your language
so that you're not stuck with a 

493
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,400
guity that then creates 
engagement, which then 

494
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,000
insecticon his worm, its way in 
through the something, you would

495
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,900
just some completely overlooked 
the, you know, their land. 

496
00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:52,400
Zelda misinterpret things that 
are so very clear. 

497
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,600
Yes, specifically just to get 
you engaged. 

498
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,200
We remember their worst fear is 
not Being relevant. 

499
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,400
So they need you to engage with 
them to feel relevant which then

500
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,100
makes them feel powerful. 
So if you just ignore them, like

501
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,700
this is why you have to pick 
your battles. 

502
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,100
Yes, you could die on Every 
Mountain. 

503
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,600
But do you really want to, you 
need to pick and choose and 

504
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,200
sometimes it just need to turn 
the other cheek and let them how

505
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,200
whatever it is, because that 
safeguards your piece in your 

506
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,900
sanity and also by not becoming 
a supply for the becoming really

507
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,800
boring to them. 
So whoring that it's no longer 

508
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,500
worth their while. 
Yeah. 

509
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,200
What you can't gray rock? 
When you're going through a 

510
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:31,600
courses Dole, but you can 
certainly diminish, your appeal 

511
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,500
to them because you're no longer
reacting. 

512
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:36,200
That's another thing that I do 
people is help them learn to 

513
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,900
communicate effectively so that 
they come across as just 

514
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:44,100
business. 
It is just business experiences.

515
00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,400
I had to go through the whole 
Gauntlet myself because, you 

516
00:26:46,408 --> 00:26:50,300
know, again, I can be pretty 
blond to may be argumentative. 

517
00:26:50,300 --> 00:26:53,700
I'm passionate about something 
I've learned with those types of

518
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:55,400
person. 
Has a worse thing you can do, 

519
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,900
but in blunt and This is how I 
feel about that. 

520
00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,900
Oh, my God. 
And then course, they turn it 

521
00:26:59,908 --> 00:27:02,300
around on them. 
Like, you know, my, how can you 

522
00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:04,000
say this to me and this and 
that? 

523
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,000
So yeah, they the communication 
style has to be very adjusted. 

524
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,300
Maya, my Approach is more of a, 
for overtime, is almost being 

525
00:27:12,300 --> 00:27:15,400
very clinical with them. 
This being very clinical, very 

526
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,200
almost. 
And last, if more any emotion is

527
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,600
fodder for them, any emotions. 
So Joel more fun. 

528
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:24,600
And and also to the easiest way,
if they say something, 

529
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,300
absolutely ridiculous for 
repeat. 

530
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:29,100
Eat it back to him like this. 
Repeat the sentence and say 

531
00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,500
nothing like really well. 
And what I always tell my 

532
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,700
clients is never ever talk to 
them. 

533
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,500
Like you're not actually, having
like a dialogue, is everything 

534
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,300
in writing a that also protects 
use it. 

535
00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:42,200
You can actually go back and 
say, well, actually, we did have

536
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,800
this conversation and you 
actually get laid at Ilyich. 

537
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:48,700
Another thing I notice is like, 
massive pathological liars and 

538
00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:52,500
then they can only create live 
in this kind of fantasy world 

539
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,900
and the fantasy world, as 
whatever they utter or speak 

540
00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:59,100
becomes, Already in their head. 
Maybe if they repeat it ten 

541
00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:02,100
times, they have met, then 
you're wondering. 

542
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,400
Okay. 
Am I dealing with a pathological

543
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,800
liar who's psychotic? 
Or am I dealing with the 

544
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,100
delusional person? 
Who believes her lies? 

545
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,100
You know, maybe you're dealing 
with both. 

546
00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:17,300
Yeah, because you have to 
remember their entire life is a 

547
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:20,000
lie. 
Everything about them is a lie, 

548
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,600
right? 
What they present to the world. 

549
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,500
That's a lie, how they wax? 
Poetical? 

550
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,300
About being amazing. 
That's all a lie. 

551
00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:29,300
But they have to believe their 
lies because if they don't 

552
00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:32,600
believe their lies of their 
Force to actually deal with who 

553
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,600
they are as people and that 
becomes, it's too vulnerable 

554
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:39,900
that they literally create this 
whole Persona, this you armor to

555
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:43,300
avoid having to look at 
themselves a ticket or member, 

556
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:43,900
Anna. 
See. 

557
00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:46,400
It's kind of funny. 
Yeah, it's a shame based. 

558
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,000
There's a while you my word with
the color, fugazi their whole 

559
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,400
life for the games. 
Yeah, that's why people have to 

560
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,800
learn to just be unemotional 
with them and you never Like I 

561
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,600
always tell my clients, just 
because they text you or email 

562
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,000
or call. 
You doesn't mean you have to 

563
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,200
engage your job. 
Like, really the foundation of 

564
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,700
everything is creating 
boundaries and if you're a 

565
00:29:06,700 --> 00:29:08,400
people pleaser, that's really 
hard. 

566
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,500
If you're a woman that's even 
harder, right? 

567
00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:12,900
Yeah. 
And if you have been abused in 

568
00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:15,700
any capacity, you have zero 
boundaries by the end of it, 

569
00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:17,000
right? 
Because you figure your shins 

570
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,800
over time to always, acquiesce 
to their ever-changing wills and

571
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,600
wants and needs. 
So your first job truly is to 

572
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,300
create boundaries and then 
really maintain them just like 

573
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,500
the toddler. 
If a toddler says mommy, can I 

574
00:29:28,508 --> 00:29:31,000
have a candy and they asked you 
three hundred times and you keep

575
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,200
saying no but I got it working 
first tight you give them a 

576
00:29:34,208 --> 00:29:34,900
candy. 
What had? 

577
00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:37,400
They just lurk right? 
They aren't asking for enough 

578
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,800
time, right? 
So you really have to ensure 

579
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,600
that your boundaries are things 
that you're going to actually be

580
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:46,600
able to consistently enforce. 
If you give in just once after 

581
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,900
you've created a boundary, 
you've taught them that they can

582
00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:51,100
keep comfy. 
That's a new goal post for the, 

583
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:52,700
that's another thing I noticed 
too. 

584
00:29:52,700 --> 00:29:56,000
It's like, yeah, they can berate
you, they can this pick out, you

585
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,400
better. 
And then soon as you agree, 

586
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,300
okay? 
It's like written in stone by 

587
00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:02,000
The, Who ask him something, a 
hundred times. 

588
00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:05,400
Why I never agreed to know, and 
the thing is, you have to 

589
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,300
remember, right? 
The standards are so different. 

590
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,900
Yeah, and these conversations 
for average healthy people are 

591
00:30:11,900 --> 00:30:15,000
exhausting. 
Yeah, you leave a pleated but 

592
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,600
have to remember the more you 
engage with them, they love 

593
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,500
this. 
They are currently are empty and

594
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:22,900
they need to feel alive. 
So you engaging with them you 

595
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,000
going back and forth that 
back-and-forth conversation? 

596
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,700
That is actually not stressful 
for them that actually creates 

597
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,300
know what taught that used to be
used a lot. 

598
00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:34,700
Like this is kind of like in the
90s people, you see use this 

599
00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:37,100
term and I think it really 
applies only see the psychic 

600
00:30:37,100 --> 00:30:40,300
vampire, you don't really hear 
it as much in term anymore, but 

601
00:30:40,300 --> 00:30:43,200
that's what it's kind of like 
what it is because it's like, 

602
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,500
you know, someone's like a 
physical creep and stuff like 

603
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,700
that. 
You know, they cross most 

604
00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:52,400
people's boundaries and they 
can't really go too far, if that

605
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,300
behavior, if I slap, someone 
cops get called right away, you 

606
00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:59,800
It's someone that added rate 
your child saw because it's 

607
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:03,000
clear cut, but a psychic 
vampirism, you first, you 

608
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,400
weaken, the person isolate, the 
person drain the person, 

609
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,800
everything the person says, is 
stupid. 

610
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,200
You know, you're so dumb. 
Good thing you have me in your 

611
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,900
life. 
You have me to build you up and 

612
00:31:12,900 --> 00:31:18,100
then this is false kind of like 
pretense that you're so 

613
00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:20,700
fortunate to have mean the not 
have easily earned as a 

614
00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:24,400
brainwashing and then it just 
slowly picking at that person 

615
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,800
until they're lifeless. 
Right? 

616
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,000
And then the Discard and then 
and then if that person decides 

617
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:33,000
to leave in the discard think of
the mindset, they are in right 

618
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,700
there another completely like, 
you know, they're almost like I 

619
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,200
would compare them to someone 
that's trying to escape a cult. 

620
00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:41,600
Yeah. 
Well that's exactly what it is. 

621
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,500
Like a cult is just dis but on 
steroids. 

622
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:46,200
Right. 
The state promise you people 

623
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,100
involved more neighbor. 
Absolutely. 

624
00:31:48,300 --> 00:31:52,000
And you can see this type of 
relationship throughout Society.

625
00:31:52,100 --> 00:31:56,200
Yeah, people in power often 
times this type of personality 

626
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,000
is And they literally are energy
vampires. 

627
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,300
They literally suck you dry. 
And then discard you, and any 

628
00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:05,800
movement past them is considered
abandonment, Ergo a big threat. 

629
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:09,100
Ergo they need to pulverize you 
like truthfully. 

630
00:32:09,100 --> 00:32:11,700
If you committed suicide, that 
would be ideal for them because 

631
00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:14,200
there are yeah, totally. 
You do their dirty work for 

632
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,700
them. 
Yeah, that out there, get a 

633
00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:18,700
bullet to bite you. 
Yeah, that's disgusting, right. 

634
00:32:18,700 --> 00:32:22,000
Think about that when you 
understand that, that if you 

635
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,800
died, that would probably be a 
victory for them so that's what 

636
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,400
we gotta go. 
Be clear on a question. 

637
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,100
I want to ask you, just maybe in
your experience because like, 

638
00:32:31,100 --> 00:32:33,800
you probably seen like, the 
whole, you know, got LED of 

639
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,300
spectrums of these people. 
Have you ever seen anyone that 

640
00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:39,900
had any success? 
Like, for example, when I mean, 

641
00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:43,100
by success, is like, holding 
them accountable to say, for 

642
00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:46,100
example, you're dating sore 
married to someone and they were

643
00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:48,800
having multiple Affairs, but 
they always denied and then 

644
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,900
finally got a private 
investigator, prevented above 

645
00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:55,200
all the evidence, and things 
like that. 

646
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,300
And I know they would always Try
to worm their way out of it. 

647
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,800
But if you ever seen it where 
it's just like the evidence, is 

648
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:05,000
so stacked against them where 
they actually would be held 

649
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,900
accountable. 
Now the see the here is the 

650
00:33:06,900 --> 00:33:11,800
thing is they they could 
literally not admit that they 

651
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:16,400
are wrong thing wrong because 
that would be scratching at 

652
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,200
their facade, that would be 
exposing themselves. 

653
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,900
Because remember there, it's a 
very Shang base disorder. 

654
00:33:23,100 --> 00:33:25,200
Yeah, they are very, very 
delicate. 

655
00:33:25,300 --> 00:33:29,700
Egos, they have very You're a 
child egos, anything but smacks 

656
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:33,800
of dysfunction or abuse or 
imperfection is intolerable, 

657
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,500
right? 
So, they always come up with a 

658
00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:39,700
story that to them. 
They asked believe. 

659
00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:42,600
So he even if you have mountains
of evidence, like literally, you

660
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:46,000
have photographic evidence 
video, evidence of penetration, 

661
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,000
Right? 
Light fog, actually cheated. 

662
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,800
Like, this is actually, I like 
the clear-cut Fidelity, like 

663
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,800
there is not like you might have
got into her hotel room and 

664
00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:55,500
Maps. 
You guys just playing. 

665
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:57,200
No. 
Right. 

666
00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:01,100
They will say, well actually you
have not validated me as a 

667
00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:02,600
human. 
You have not given me and left 

668
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,700
love, right? 
So they always have to deflect, 

669
00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:10,400
because to admit fault, is 
unacceptable to them, right? 

670
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,100
Always the victim, you'll see 
this pattern repeated. 

671
00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:14,800
They're always the victim and 
their office. 

672
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,100
They're always the victim and 
their family. 

673
00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:17,400
They're always the victim with 
their friends. 

674
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,199
Well, I don't know why my 
friends all turned on me. 

675
00:34:19,199 --> 00:34:21,000
I don't know why my boss fired 
me. 

676
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,699
I don't know why my co-workers 
hate me. 

677
00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:25,900
I don't know why the Barista at 
Starbucks, you know, through. 

678
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,600
Latte at me. 
I never at fault. 

679
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,500
Everybody else for the world is 
going through life in this. 

680
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:34,400
Everyone hating on them and 
they're just misunderstood right

681
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:35,000
there. 
Miss under. 

682
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,600
Yes. 
And the common denominator is 

683
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:43,300
that a lot of times they're only
successful because somehow 

684
00:34:43,699 --> 00:34:48,400
either because of their parents 
or other enablers to clean, 

685
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,500
these come flying monkeys right 
that that that they can do no 

686
00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:55,900
wrong and I've been in 
situations that are so toxic. 

687
00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,400
And the only reason why this 
person's is able to do what they

688
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,600
can do is because they bear 
their propped up, either by 

689
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:08,500
other enablers, sometimes parent
or someone it is. 

690
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:11,800
Absolutely disgusting and gross 
because it's like, you can see 

691
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,900
what a monster. 
This person isn't. 

692
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,400
Oh no. 
They're wonderful. 

693
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,000
It's you, it's you, you know, 
that Gary. 

694
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:22,800
And here's the thing is that 
these individuals tend to come 

695
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,500
from the type of familial 
Dysfunction right? 

696
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:30,400
Where there are a brand this 
way, not all, but a lot, even if

697
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,900
in these, these families are not
happy families though. 

698
00:35:33,900 --> 00:35:37,700
Even if they present the, when 
they're under threat, the family

699
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:41,200
will bond together will come to 
the aid of whoever's being 

700
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:45,400
threatened of exposure of being 
held accountable of also, 

701
00:35:45,500 --> 00:35:48,200
showing the world and exposing 
their dysfunction, right? 

702
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,800
Because in these families 
appearances are everything, 

703
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,100
right? 
So if you have any, they Always 

704
00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:57,200
have a night was right with. 
This is why I think that it's so

705
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,300
important that people understand
what abuse looks like, so that 

706
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:03,700
they stop enabling people. 
If you're an intro in this type 

707
00:36:03,700 --> 00:36:07,000
of thing, if you don't actually 
put a stake in the sand and say 

708
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,200
I cannot be friends with the 
person, I cannot support a 

709
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,800
person financially, right? 
Stop giving people your 

710
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:13,600
business. 
Yeah. 

711
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,300
If you know that their abusers 
right cut ties with toxic 

712
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:20,000
friends who may not be abusing 
you, but have abused their 

713
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,000
spouse. 
This is why people need to fold 

714
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,600
these people, accountable by not
reporting. 

715
00:36:24,900 --> 00:36:28,100
All to, you know, their kids are
being downloaded or I haven't 

716
00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:29,100
seen anything. 
Yeah. 

717
00:36:29,100 --> 00:36:32,100
It's at the in any thicker while
the times, these people are only

718
00:36:32,100 --> 00:36:36,100
effective because somehow they 
figured out to create a little 

719
00:36:36,100 --> 00:36:38,200
cheering squad for them or 
something. 

720
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,300
And that's the thing I find the 
most bizarre. 

721
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,300
Oh, and it's disgusting. 
And there's these people are 

722
00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:47,100
propped up by their families by.
They're not even friends that I 

723
00:36:47,107 --> 00:36:48,800
really have front have 
acquaintances. 

724
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,700
They don't have. 
And they tend to be people who 

725
00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:53,400
benefit from the relationship, 
right? 

726
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,300
So if you have them, the plate, 
the five, all the booze at the 

727
00:36:56,300 --> 00:37:00,600
party up or has great party or 
might invest in your company 

728
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,200
down the road. 
But here's the beautiful thing 

729
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:08,200
about these people is that these
abusers are not happy, no age 

730
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,400
and time is their worst enemy. 
Yeah, it is a victim and a 

731
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,100
survivor's best friend. 
It is their worst enemy. 

732
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,300
Yeah, they never die. 
Surrounded by loved ones. 

733
00:37:17,300 --> 00:37:21,900
He died alone, and lonely bitter
day and I'd lost. 

734
00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:24,700
They travel a lot and like move 
from location. 

735
00:37:24,900 --> 00:37:28,500
Into location. 
They burn so many bridges, you 

736
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:31,500
as a victim. 
So many people want like 

737
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,000
Revenge. 
Your best revenge is moving on 

738
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:39,500
is creating of life that you can
feel secure again and peaceful 

739
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:42,300
and happy and just give them 
time, they will expose 

740
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:45,300
themselves over time and it 
might not be two years, it might

741
00:37:45,300 --> 00:37:49,000
be 15, 20 years but over time, 
they will burn the bridges 

742
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:53,000
because they treat people like 
this in all the relationships, 

743
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,600
right? 
I've noticed Nothing too and 

744
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,900
it's a sign or no, maybe it's on
nice thing to say. 

745
00:37:57,900 --> 00:37:59,800
But see when I was younger, 
right? 

746
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,700
And I am feel say the weasel 
word narcissist, right? 

747
00:38:02,700 --> 00:38:05,300
Before we. 
So she ate that with someone 

748
00:38:05,300 --> 00:38:08,200
being arrogant or eight, you 
know, narcissistic maybe they 

749
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,100
were overly concerned with their
appearance or they're actually 

750
00:38:12,100 --> 00:38:15,000
usually the opposite of that, 
they're usually actually quite 

751
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,600
hideous. 
I'm not even joking. 

752
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:20,600
Like, as far as time, they're 
quite unattractive people but 

753
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,700
somehow they, they know how to 
manipulate really well present. 

754
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,700
Very differently than what, what
you think, classically? 

755
00:38:27,700 --> 00:38:30,300
What a narcissism and that's 
sometimes why people let their 

756
00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:33,100
guard down around them too, 
because it can be quite subtle 

757
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:36,100
at first or not like all an 
event themselves more as a 

758
00:38:36,100 --> 00:38:38,400
victim to you at first whole 
poor me. 

759
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,000
I've been through all so much 
stuff and they try to get your 

760
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,200
guard down by making you feel 
sorry for them and then agree 

761
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,200
shaving themselves out way. 
They're just misunderstood, it's

762
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,100
like Seidel. 
I think I find in the very 

763
00:38:49,100 --> 00:38:53,500
beginning, with most of them 
Again, Society has ideas, right?

764
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,700
And we stand firm on those 
ideas. 

765
00:38:55,700 --> 00:39:01,200
So we typically think of a 
narcissist as a grandiose overt,

766
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,000
narcissus, right? 
Who tends to be charismatic and 

767
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,600
charming and the life of every 
party and knows exactly what to 

768
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:11,500
say and does not present as 
humble or vulnerable. 

769
00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:13,900
Yeah. 
But there are, those are easier 

770
00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:18,700
to spot because we typically 
associate of abuser of that 

771
00:39:18,700 --> 00:39:21,900
variety with that kind of force.
Format, but there's a whole 

772
00:39:21,900 --> 00:39:24,000
Spectrum, right? 
And they're at the very end of 

773
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,400
it. 
You have the vulnerable covert 

774
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:30,100
narcissist who oftentimes comes 
across a shy, you know, kind of 

775
00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:33,800
our leak insecure and those ones
are hard to spot. 

776
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,700
And they tend to easily and 
openly play the victim card, 

777
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:42,900
whereas over ones, don't present
as a victim, they represent us 

778
00:39:42,900 --> 00:39:45,600
in charge right there large and 
in charge, think Donald Trump. 

779
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,700
And that's what we're looking at
there, right? 

780
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,200
And substance abuse seems to 
always seem to go Hand has 

781
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,100
sometimes, it's secretively, 
sometimes it's quiet, but I find

782
00:39:55,100 --> 00:39:58,000
them more secure cases. 
They seem to have some other by 

783
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,100
Seaver, drug booze, maybe all 
them right there. 

784
00:40:02,100 --> 00:40:04,900
They're addicts because they 
have to remember, the constantly

785
00:40:04,900 --> 00:40:08,400
chasing a hi-yah daisy clappy by
themselves. 

786
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,700
That's why they always overlap 
with Partners, right? 

787
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:13,500
They constantly need to to be 
doing stuff. 

788
00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:16,800
Be surrounded by people. 
They can't be quiet because if 

789
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,200
you're quiet and your 
introspective us, why they don't

790
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,300
meditate for instance, because 
Cuz these are people if you 

791
00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:25,400
confront who you are in the 
quiet and the Solitude, if 

792
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,000
you're not surrounded by people 
who are profiting you up, who 

793
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,700
are doing whatever it is that 
you want to do, then you might 

794
00:40:30,700 --> 00:40:34,000
actually be vulnerable and they 
can't be vulnerable, right? 

795
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,900
So, these are people who 
constantly have to be doing 

796
00:40:36,900 --> 00:40:39,700
stuff, cause only have a 
partner, they literally can't be

797
00:40:39,700 --> 00:40:43,300
alone, and you can typically see
unlike an abuser versus a victim

798
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,400
as they exit the relationship 
victims. 

799
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,900
Tend to again, it's not always, 
there's always exceptions to 

800
00:40:48,900 --> 00:40:52,000
every rule they tend to be more 
Introspective when they leave a 

801
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,500
relationship right there working
on themselves or trying to 

802
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:57,000
protect their family. 
They're not jumping into the 

803
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,500
next relationship. 
Yeah. 

804
00:40:58,900 --> 00:41:02,300
Whereas the abuser has already 
overlapped right now, they're 

805
00:41:02,300 --> 00:41:04,000
tip awesome about it. 
There is on. 

806
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,300
Yep. 
And they've moved on. 

807
00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:08,800
They have a new partner, they've
moved in right again, anything 

808
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,300
that presents to the world as 
being normal is what they want 

809
00:41:12,300 --> 00:41:15,200
to do. 
Plus it also shows that they're 

810
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,600
actually not the problem that 
it's the victim. 

811
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,400
Who's the problem? 
Look how unhinged that first. 

812
00:41:20,500 --> 00:41:22,700
And as they can't find a 
partner, I've already been 

813
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:25,200
happily married. 
Now by just Stars, the personal 

814
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,300
never drink wine, and when, as 
good as me, it's people who get 

815
00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:30,500
into relation, they didn't see 
it in the beginning. 

816
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:36,400
Talk to narcissus of Iver. 
She talks a lot about their job.

817
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:40,000
There are their main 
manipulative job is make you go 

818
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:44,700
past your red red eye exam, 
making blast past somebody 

819
00:41:44,900 --> 00:41:47,200
dizzying, distracting 
love-bombing. 

820
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,800
Maybe in the beginning, there's 
lots of trips and On stuff and 

821
00:41:52,100 --> 00:41:56,000
outings and, you know, that kind
of fun stuff and they love you 

822
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,000
right away, right? 
You're the love of their life, 

823
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:02,600
they don't you in a second and 
another life and your, their 

824
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,700
twin flame, their soulmate, they
did weighty. 

825
00:42:04,700 --> 00:42:07,500
They're tying wise for you, this
is why I always tell people take

826
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:11,900
your time and do nothing that 
permanently tethers you to them.

827
00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:15,200
So what they love to do is to 
move very fast, typically they 

828
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,400
move very fast, right? 
So they've just met you on a 

829
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,900
Monday and on Sunday, You're now
living together, right? 

830
00:42:21,900 --> 00:42:25,200
So things that keep you attached
to them opening a business 

831
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,500
together. 
Getting merrier and it's are 

832
00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:31,200
popping a child, right? 
And children are the ultimate 

833
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,800
form of heathery. 
Yeah, anxiety or bondage to them

834
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:34,800
forever. 
If you have kids. 

835
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:37,200
And now, now, now you're part of
them, right? 

836
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,900
Your they then have the ultimate
tool to continuously manipulate 

837
00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:43,300
and control you, right? 
It's through her children by 

838
00:42:43,300 --> 00:42:45,600
forgetting your children, by 
using your children's. 

839
00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:49,300
You then become abuse by proxy 
through your children. 

840
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,900
That's why You need to take time
space, right? 

841
00:42:52,900 --> 00:42:56,400
Don't constantly talk to people 
don't be texting all day because

842
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,500
you need space to be able to see
clearly to be able to sit with 

843
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:02,800
yourself and say my gut feels 
low. 

844
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,700
But off it's not distinctly, 
like I am have met my soulmate 

845
00:43:06,700 --> 00:43:09,100
but it's my gut telling me. 
Hey, something is off here? 

846
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,700
Yeah, so if they constantly 
bombard you with stuff, right? 

847
00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:14,300
If you're constantly engaging 
with them, even if it's positive

848
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:16,400
stuff, right? 
Like trips and dinners and 

849
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,300
outings and seeing them all the 
time and cause Italy 

850
00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:21,300
communicating with them. 
Day and night. 

851
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,600
You don't have the time to sit 
with yourself and say, hey this,

852
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,800
there are some giant red flags 
here. 

853
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,300
I'm going to slow the breaks 
down and I'm not going to commit

854
00:43:29,300 --> 00:43:32,300
to them. 
I'm going, you know, and they 

855
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:35,500
can't maintain this generated 
for sod for long. 

856
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,500
So, if you give them enough time
cracks appear, Ergo, the red 

857
00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:43,200
flags and then hopefully you 
avoid this all together, right? 

858
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,700
The worst thing people can do is
to get into this kind of 

859
00:43:45,700 --> 00:43:47,300
relationship and then trying to 
leave. 

860
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:52,000
You can avoid it altogether. 
Doc Yes, you're never the same 

861
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,800
person. 
You can have a wonderful life 

862
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,700
but you are now a new version of
yourself with the right 

863
00:43:57,700 --> 00:43:59,400
strategies. 
The right experts, in the right 

864
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,100
tools, you can have a really 
beautiful life but it's never 

865
00:44:02,100 --> 00:44:04,000
going to be the life. 
It could have been. 

866
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,700
Had you not met this partner? 
Yeah, it's unfortunate because 

867
00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,300
Fighters sa use dating out. 
Some of them are you know, 

868
00:44:10,300 --> 00:44:13,000
they're rapists or sexual 
predators. 

869
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,700
Other ones are Financial there. 
You know, there were 1 over 10 

870
00:44:15,700 --> 00:44:18,300
to be your boyfriend but all you
need a regna, Chuck Toronto. 

871
00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,000
I bought a little bit short then
You Don. 

872
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,200
T. 
Ya little girl scumbags, right? 

873
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:25,400
So they can a variety of form 
where they are kind of like a 

874
00:44:25,408 --> 00:44:27,300
romance scam or in a different 
way. 

875
00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:30,900
But there are there like the 
ultimate monster that's like the

876
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:35,500
the time bomb ossorio perfect 
boyfriend, in the beginning and 

877
00:44:35,500 --> 00:44:38,200
then once they have in your 
knocked up and then I'll sudden 

878
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,400
your mirror, you're either 
living in another country or 

879
00:44:40,408 --> 00:44:45,400
another city or sore with their 
family and and your whole life 

880
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:49,100
had looks like nothing that you 
and managing it would be Yeah 

881
00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,200
and isolating a victim is very, 
very common in you isolate them 

882
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,800
from their support isolate from 
people who might be able to look

883
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,500
at and say, hey something is 
very dysfunctional here. 

884
00:44:57,500 --> 00:44:59,800
You isolate them financially, 
right? 

885
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:03,300
They now have control over your 
access to money even if it's a 

886
00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:07,500
very lavish budget like a, I 
have clients who, you know, get 

887
00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:10,100
ten thousand dollars a week for 
their health. 

888
00:45:10,100 --> 00:45:13,400
But if you have to ask your 
partner for access to take an 

889
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:18,500
eel that cage Sawyer saying, 
yeah it it's still not free. 

890
00:45:19,100 --> 00:45:20,000
No. 
Yes. 

891
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,700
Like you might be able to go to 
the spa and might be able to go 

892
00:45:22,700 --> 00:45:27,400
to run through and by Gucci and 
Chanel, but somebody controls 

893
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,000
your access to get permission. 
You can't just say, hey I'm 

894
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,000
going to go buy myself some 
shoes, right? 

895
00:45:32,100 --> 00:45:34,500
We're not even talking about 
people who are stay-at-home 

896
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:36,000
parents. 
For instance, there are people 

897
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:40,700
who they're both working but he 
controls among condos into the 

898
00:45:40,700 --> 00:45:44,300
other person's account and that 
person then controls you have no

899
00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:45,600
access. 
You don't have credit cards in 

900
00:45:45,607 --> 00:45:49,300
your name, your, you know, this 
you know, like, You have their 

901
00:45:49,300 --> 00:45:51,500
credit cards with under their 
name, right? 

902
00:45:52,100 --> 00:45:55,300
How do you hurt a person? 
You hurt a person by taking away

903
00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:57,400
their access it. 
So you got Ian power? 

904
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:01,200
Yeah, and then good luck trying 
to extricate yourself, right? 

905
00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:04,100
All the stuff costs, money 
hiring a lawyer costs money. 

906
00:46:04,300 --> 00:46:06,200
Taking time. 
Off of work costs money. 

907
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,300
Putting a deposit down on a like
an apartment or townhome costs 

908
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:13,300
money, a retainer for a lawyer 
costs money while firing 

909
00:46:13,300 --> 00:46:15,800
psychologists. 
All this stuff costs money and 

910
00:46:15,900 --> 00:46:19,500
it's impossible to get access to
my It's been hidden by the 

911
00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:22,300
person who controls it and the 
courts enable this, right? 

912
00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:25,700
They make it really difficult 
for victims to have access to. 

913
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:28,500
It takes time and it's sometimes
it can take years. 

914
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,500
Yeah. 
And even then you might not 

915
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:33,200
actually have full disclosure. 
Well, some tell, I really 

916
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:35,800
appreciate you coming and 
talking to me about this. 

917
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,400
Hopefully we can talk about it 
again. 

918
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,000
I'd love to have you on again 
and button your other subjects 

919
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:41,900
and things like that. 
We could talk for hours, 

920
00:46:41,900 --> 00:46:45,000
literally about the subject. 
If my friends, thank you. 

921
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,500
If people want to get ahold of 
you and they want your services,

922
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:51,200
how do they get a hold of you? 
It's the best way. 

923
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:56,100
Well they can follow me on 
Instagram at the divorce at the 

924
00:46:56,100 --> 00:46:59,600
underscore divorce underscore 
have where they can check out my

925
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:05,100
website at www.24hrcares.com AA 
or they can email me at Chantal 

926
00:47:05,100 --> 00:47:08,000
at the divorce have dossier but 
I'll put your contact 

927
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,300
information as well for people 
awesome. 

928
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,100
I think you're doing a really 
great thing because again, from 

929
00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:17,100
the stuff I've seen, if we knew 
about you three years ago, wow, 

930
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:19,900
who would probably made a 
massive Difference and in my 

931
00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:23,100
personal situation to. 
So because again, you know, I 

932
00:47:23,100 --> 00:47:27,900
can't stress enough, you know, 
for a person that doesn't really

933
00:47:27,900 --> 00:47:31,500
understand the court system, the
legal system, you know, we have 

934
00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:35,500
a teen violent problem of teens 
doing really violent actions, 

935
00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:38,600
you know, stabbings and bear, 
spraying and swarming. 

936
00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:42,700
So this has an impact to all our
society and course, our children

937
00:47:42,700 --> 00:47:45,800
are our future and as we go in 
the future we want to have a 

938
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,400
bright future for them. 
It's and children are completely

939
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,100
A dependent on their caregivers,
the completely vulnerable. 

940
00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:54,200
Yes. 
And the impact that their that 

941
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,000
these people have on them can be
hopefully positive. 

942
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,700
But oftentimes, it's completed 
completely opposite. 

943
00:47:59,900 --> 00:48:01,600
Yeah. 
No, it's awful. 

944
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,400
So thank you so much for talking
to me and awesome. 

945
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,300
Thanks so much Mark, you care? 
Bye, bye.