1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,100 Welcome to Vancouver, True Crime, my Mark. 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:06,000 I'm the host the show and I'm happy to be back with 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,800 narcissistic Survivor. Today, we're going to talk about 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:13,900 the abuse and the long-term effects that children receive 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,800 from parents that are narcissists and these other 6 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:21,000 types of personality disorders that they really affect their 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,500 children from my observation. It's the children that do suffer 8 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,700 the most. So thank you for coming back on 9 00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,600 the show. I'm really appreciative to have 10 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,100 you back times 3 and And the other shows have done really 11 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,800 great. I've gotten lots of feedback, 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,800 thanks for having me back. Mark x 3, the we'll do a few 13 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:41,000 more of these and just spread some Awareness on narcissists 14 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,500 and narcissistic abuse. And, and today's podcast talking 15 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,600 about the effects on children, you know, children do suffer at 16 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,100 the hands of their parents for a variety of reasons, right? 17 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,200 But with the narcissist abuse, it's a different sort of thing, 18 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,500 right? It's just different Nuance 19 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:59,900 because the parents in my opinion, always want to pretend 20 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:03,400 The most wonderful parents, the most loving the most supportive 21 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,400 and the most out there. But really either behind closed 22 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,100 doors or even sometimes publicly they can be quite awful and then 23 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,300 the children suffer greatly from it. 24 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:16,000 And mostly I see is that they suffer from low self-esteem 25 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:21,600 issues, xiety depression and difficulty, forming appropriate, 26 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,900 relationships, that I mean, realistically, we're probably 27 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:29,600 not going to be able to cover every aspect of it today, but 28 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,900 Having a narcissistic parent sets you up to accept abuse in 29 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:38,100 later adult relationships and I post on this subject, a lot. 30 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:42,900 And most people, they kind of come to understand that their 31 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:48,300 childhood may have been less than ideal after they have found 32 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:52,100 themselves in an adult relationship with a narcissist. 33 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:55,500 Believe it or not, in it, and it's almost like a backwards 34 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:59,900 journey to connect those dots to the Sea. 35 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,800 Molarities between a parent that you just were, you know, you 36 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:09,900 when you grow up, you think your parent is normal or that all 37 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:13,400 parents are like this, you know, kids don't know any different, 38 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,200 right? No, their world view is their 39 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,000 world view, exactly. It's within your four walls and 40 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,900 it's not until you get out of those four walls and experience 41 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,900 other things in life that you find that you have repeated 42 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:33,300 patterns that have That you learned that you observed and 43 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:38,000 experienced in your childhood. And most people are gobsmacked 44 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,400 by that. They, that is, that is the 45 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,800 biggest shocker that I often find. 46 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,200 When, when people discover that, oh my gosh, like my childhood 47 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,800 wasn't as great as I thought it was like, even, like, for mine, 48 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,000 for example, like my mom, I I would put her in more as a hiss 49 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:00,500 atonic a personality like really explosive love to cause Means 50 00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:04,500 family, gatherings, you know, but like I'll tell you, a quick 51 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:08,400 story was pretty embarrassing. I was, I haven't really talked 52 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,500 to my mom. And I, and a couple of year, it 53 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,200 will be about a year and then she just to kind of lean. 54 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,500 Oh, we're gonna have the extend, the Olive Branch with each 55 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,900 other. And there was a big, family 56 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,900 reunions. So, lots of family that I 57 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,200 haven't seen. Since I was a little kid and a 58 00:03:21,208 --> 00:03:23,700 lot of them haven't seen me since I was a little kid. 59 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,300 So, for, for the first time they saw me, was as a man. 60 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:30,600 I was like, 25, 26 years old. And, you know, Spend a lot of 61 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,700 time in the gym and Sport so I can appeared very different than 62 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:36,100 they remember me. So, you know, my aunt's and 63 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,300 people haven't seen her all. My God, Mark, you certainly look 64 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,000 different and growing up and blah blah. 65 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,700 And every person that would come and say something. 66 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:45,400 Give me a call, but my mom would make some kind of snide remark. 67 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,100 He's like one of those Meathead bodybuilders that you always 68 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,500 complain about tomorrow. You're at a be just a crate, 69 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,000 like, some kind of Stir It Up. Oh my God. 70 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,700 Like, you know, you could never ever, you know, use the filter, 71 00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:00,500 right? So, and that's why Part of it, 72 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:04,700 those those loci snide remarks and then come back at you and 73 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:10,100 say, oh, it was just a joke or if thin skin or, you know, stuff 74 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,900 like that. And it's really designed to 75 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,200 like, undermine your self-esteem. 76 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600 And that's rough. When that's your mom, your 77 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,800 parent, your couch, and you can never really feel like you're 78 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,200 could ever be at ease with that person, you know, especially 79 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,300 with your parents when you're out. 80 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,300 You're always going on. What's a big confrontation? 81 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,400 And arguments going to happen, she's going to piss someone off, 82 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,000 you know? And so, you know, you as a 83 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,300 child, you know, looking back, I did find myself walking on 84 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,800 eggshells a lot. Probably the number one flat red 85 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,300 flag when you're in a relationship with a narcissist 86 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,200 is walking on eggshells? Yes. 87 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,500 A lot of people are maybe going to tie those two things together 88 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:50,300 to their childhood because growing up and never feeling 89 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,200 safe. Never feeling safe with your 90 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,900 caregiver. That translates into adult 91 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:58,400 relationships, like, nobody's business, for sure. 92 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:02,200 So, in your opinion, this Your observations and your experience 93 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:07,100 and stuff, do you believe that it's a child who grew up in a 94 00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:11,000 nest for lack of a better term? A narcissistic household is more 95 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,600 likely going to form a relationship with a nurse's 96 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,900 later in life. Well, that's a large question. 97 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:23,300 So, let me unpack it this way. So I'll start with saying 98 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:28,200 children who witness abuse were just talking, you know, abuse 99 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,200 now not narcissistic it again. General General. 100 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,400 Okay. One of two things happen, either 101 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:40,300 that child grows up to get into an abusive relationship as an 102 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:45,500 adult, or they become an abuser in there, out of his ships, and 103 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,700 that's the dynamic that you usually see. 104 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:51,100 And I mean, you can usually guess which one, you know, the 105 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,400 boys generally grow into the abusers historically in the 106 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,100 girls end up in an abusive relationships although that, you 107 00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,800 know, that's not always the case. 108 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:05,300 Obviously, but typically that's that's how it works. 109 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,800 Having a parent that's a narcissist, that's that's a 110 00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:13,600 bigger subject because all manner of different things can 111 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:19,100 happen a lot of and and it might be interesting for some people 112 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:22,200 to to read about some of the stuff online that we talked 113 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,800 about or you know, take notes for later whatever I always 114 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,800 recommend but kids can end up with behavioral and emotional. 115 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,800 Shoes when they're suffering from this kind of distress at 116 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,800 home. And and you mentioned a few of 117 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,200 them anxiety and depression or just the tip of the iceberg. 118 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:43,900 A lot of times, there are many many studies now that show ADHD 119 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:49,100 and boys in particular is directly linked back to domestic 120 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,000 violence in the home loan for fun. 121 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,800 Oh yeah. So Google that later for your 122 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,400 reference because the boys are generally like, you know, it's 123 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,800 sort of the old wives tale or whatever. 124 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:03,100 Is develop differently, different rates or whatever. 125 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:08,200 So their behavior stuff comes out more physically, if that 126 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:13,400 makes sense. And girls tend to get the other 127 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,200 way, they internalize more. So they're the ones that end up 128 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,300 with you know, Eating Disorders or getting evil. 129 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:26,900 Being released based out just Sofia dating, that's what and 130 00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:29,700 and this is why ADHD is sort of harder to die. 131 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:34,400 Diagnose and girls because it's it's a, it's a whole different 132 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,000 presentation. But is it ADHD or is it trauma? 133 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:42,100 What it really is, is undiagnosed, childhood, trauma 134 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:45,600 and developmental trauma as well, and then you have other 135 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,900 stuff to like attachment issues attachment disorders. 136 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,200 If you don't have a caregiver in your young years that you can 137 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,000 become safe with their attuned to your needs. 138 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,500 And whatnot, kind of like you were describing That sort of 139 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:04,100 dynamic that wasn't there with your own mom so you can probably 140 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,500 relate to that that you guys didn't have like right. 141 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,500 And if you have like anxious attachment or insecure 142 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,900 attachment, you can look up the different attachment Styles. 143 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:16,400 You know, again online for anybody who wants to read about 144 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,900 attachment Theory, very true. And you end up in relationships 145 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:25,500 with people who are emotionally unavailable like your parent and 146 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,300 and all these other things, right? 147 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,700 Yeah. The reason why I asked the 148 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:31,700 question because I Then I am a big believer in like, where they 149 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,799 called a conditioning, right? Like if you, if you're in a 150 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:38,299 terrible situation, you become used to it if you're in a great. 151 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:39,799 Yes, we can become used to it, right? 152 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:44,000 So a lot of people that weren't really empathetic and, you know, 153 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,500 distance and cold and then we talk about all the nurses, think 154 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,500 abuse of Mind Games and the gas like, you know, you're going to 155 00:08:50,508 --> 00:08:52,600 be used to that and through another person. 156 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,900 So we're not when a partner. Does it your kind of beat your 157 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,900 to be more excited? This is this as a sum. 158 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,100 I'm talking about openly, you probably going to be more Think 159 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,600 of as someone who's never experienced it right? 160 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:05,600 Yeah. Take it to a whole different, 161 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,300 you know, you know, we're splitting hairs here. 162 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:10,000 So you look at the current situation of Vancouver, you 163 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,800 know, like the the how unsafe it's become the, you know, 164 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,700 people on the SkyTrain being stabbed or the buses and you 165 00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:20,200 know, the constant horrible had Granville Street at Lon. 166 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:23,700 Oh my God. And then most of them are young 167 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,000 people. And this is my point. 168 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,100 Most of them are young people. Teen violence has gone up. 169 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,600 So I'm sure I've been thinking a lot about Who know what's going 170 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:35,100 on in these households, right? Um, teens what went wrong where 171 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,600 they think that they can leave their house and do that type of 172 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,800 behavior? I'm sure if their mom got bear 173 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,900 sprayed or stabbed randomly, they'd be quite upset, but it's 174 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,300 okay to do it to someone else randomly, right? 175 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,900 So something's going on. So there's some kind of 176 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:52,100 Detachment someone during May because of the pandemic and then 177 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,200 some of these households are a little bit on the toxic side and 178 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,200 everyone's Trapped Under One Roof and kind of make everyone 179 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:02,700 crazy, you see where I'm going. It's I've noticed that myself 180 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:06,900 and it's not just Vancouver, it's almost everywhere that 181 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,500 people being locked down like that. 182 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:13,000 It you can look this up to the rates of domestic violence 183 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:18,700 during the were actually insane. And seeing and it was like, 184 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,700 literally, like you said, like a pressure cooker, just everybody 185 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:26,600 just just locked down in their house if you can imagine. 186 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,100 Like just thinking about it gives me chills. 187 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,400 I'm sure like You know, again, you know, people before the 188 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,500 pandemic had, you know, they had their jobs, they had their 189 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,700 routines. And then let's say, they're two 190 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,400 people under the house that are maybe having some difficulty in 191 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,700 the relationship, but they can manage because they spend 10 192 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,700 hours apart from each other. Yeah. 193 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,600 Now they're spending each and every moment with each other 194 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,400 plus, maybe their jobs been affected because of the, you 195 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,700 know, the pandemic or maybe you know, there's a little there 196 00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:56,500 were there was a lot of reasons why this affected households you 197 00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:59,600 said something about what's going on in these peoples. 198 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,100 Households. Yeah. 199 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:04,100 And you know what? That's the question that nobody 200 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:07,400 asks. And and quite frankly even if 201 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:14,900 they did ask, there are no real resources or supports for people 202 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:19,800 who are struggling, single mom struggling under, you know, 203 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,300 leaving an abuser and then you end up in poverty. 204 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,300 So you've literally jumped from the frying pan into the fire. 205 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:29,300 So now your kid is going out and shoplifting and you know, 206 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:32,700 selling Oh, we'd buy himself a pair of shoes, right? 207 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:37,600 It's all these things are so, so related. 208 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:43,300 It's, it's not rocket science, but but yet there's no, there's 209 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:47,700 no real solution government intervention, it's brutal. 210 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,400 And as you probably know as clearly as I do the mental 211 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,800 health, and we're talking about Metro Vancouver, you know, 212 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,200 Vancouver, Burnaby SRI, newest, right? 213 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:59,100 The main, you know, the main area, the mental health services 214 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:02,500 are completely Broken-down, overrun with the also 215 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:06,500 combination, with mental health, issues that drug addiction 216 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,600 issues. Yeah. 217 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,400 And just depend emic there. It's almost like the system is 218 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,300 broken down to get to these other things that are important. 219 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,800 Right? There are the wooden households 220 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:21,700 breakdown and then kids, become juvenile delinquents and just or 221 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:25,900 out the hell bent to destroy, and cause destruction and harm 222 00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:29,700 and hurt to the community. Everyone pays a price for that. 223 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:30,700 That right? Yeah. 224 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,100 Because they've been hurt, right? 225 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:38,900 They they've been hurt at home 99 out of 100 times. 226 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,000 They had some shit going on at home. 227 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:46,700 That was, that would curl your hair and I had kids, you know, 228 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,600 once you get to know these kids, they're they're good kids. 229 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,000 They're not, they're not bad kids, they need help, they need 230 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,300 support. They need someone to listen to 231 00:12:56,300 --> 00:13:01,600 them to believe in them Cortana you some Those stories are so 232 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,800 sad to be honest and I know from it would just break your heart 233 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,200 and I had a lot of kids, you know, I take him to the gym and 234 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,400 stuff and I had great relationship. 235 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,800 And yeah, even the bad kids, once you get to know them, they 236 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,600 break their own. You know, they break their shell 237 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,300 and they come out of her shell and stuff. 238 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:19,100 My only until my only time where I'll be kind of nasty with them 239 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,100 or when I feel bad intentions from them. 240 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,100 Yep. For sure them. 241 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,100 And then they're saying something like a, for example is 242 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,300 walking across the store walking to the store like a few blocks 243 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,600 from my house. And it was like three of them 244 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,600 and they're Ninja outfits. And they're all saying something 245 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,000 across the street and I guess because you know I don't have 246 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,400 any hair. There were screaming at me 247 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,200 saying I look like Angie Tate, right? 248 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,500 And you know but they I could tell they were trying to work 249 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,200 themselves up to something right? 250 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,900 Yeah. You know I just let them know 251 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,600 like hey it's not going to work out in your favor and I don't 252 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,600 want you. Kids awake up in the hospital so 253 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,200 just just walk away just off. You do not look like a hundred 254 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:53,800 feet. Hurry do. 255 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,200 But they're just trying to cause beefy return and Route 8. 256 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:02,500 Yeah, much cooler to But like yeah, you know, sure they just 257 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:06,000 want to be cough or start shit sometimes or whatever, but it's 258 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,500 funny because you will always if you just observe for a minute 259 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:14,500 and you've probably done this if you just watch them for a 260 00:14:14,508 --> 00:14:17,100 minute, you'll see the leader of the pack. 261 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,200 Oh, totally about to pick them now. 262 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:23,400 Look like, and the other kids, the disenfranchised kids, the 263 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,800 kids that have no. This is how gangs sort of get 264 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,800 started. Literally what I'm saying? 265 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:29,700 One of them were being. Yeah. 266 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,000 Yeah, routed to like even locally like the situation. 267 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,900 I was talking books, I got it got to know some of them and 268 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,600 sure enough they they had, you know, gangsters in the 269 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,300 background, trying to get them to sell these tobacco Vapes. 270 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:44,000 It's kind of like their introductory product and I just 271 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,800 said to him straight up, do you know that 90% of people that get 272 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,500 busted is because they get ratted on? 273 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,600 So, no matter how good of a drug dealer? 274 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,700 You think are going to be 90% of the time when you go down, it 275 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:57,100 will because someone ratted on you. 276 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,100 So, think about that. Think about, you know, all the, 277 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,000 when you do that Alright. So I've had some pretty tough 278 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,400 conversations with them. You know that type of 279 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,400 conversation when your kids brings home the bad kid. 280 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,800 You know, I'm using air quotes, they bring home the bad kid and 281 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,500 you know after they go home you're like I don't want you 282 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,500 hanging out with someone so they're this and that and the 283 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:20,100 other thing and blah blah blah blah blah you know what you 284 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:24,700 could change that kid's life just by being a decent person, 285 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:29,700 being sort of a mentor or a parental figure so think twice 286 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,800 About the kind of stuff that you're putting out into into the 287 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,300 world. You know how help somebody out, 288 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,600 it doesn't cost you anything. Yeah. 289 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,000 And like you said, a lot of times these kids are just simply 290 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,800 lost. They have no parenting figures 291 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,500 of, that's right. Knocking about in the beginning 292 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,600 of the show. This is what I wanted to talk on 293 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,200 the subject. Because again, so at home it 294 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,300 really does right now as. Yeah. 295 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,400 And then these kids, you know, they become lost. 296 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,600 They become violent or stupid, or get involved in crime or 297 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,400 whatever, right. Yep. 298 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,800 And all because, apparently, Neglectful and and too wrapped 299 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:07,300 up in their own self at that or often they are. 300 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,600 So overwhelmed, they're experiencing abuse domestic 301 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,300 violence at home. Being a two-parent household. 302 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:18,400 But when you are when your partner is abusing you, it 303 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,700 really takes away from your ability to be a good parent and 304 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,600 that's something that people don't talk about and then and 305 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,300 then, you know, people are like, well why don't you leave while 306 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,500 we're just of all, were you gonna go? 307 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,100 Are you You going to go to a shelter. 308 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,700 There's a pretty good finances person. 309 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,400 It's on an easy. I'm gonna pack up and go and 310 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,100 your whole life, right? And then what and then you get 311 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,200 no child support. What do you supposed to live on? 312 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,900 Were you going to rent? How are you going to live feed 313 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,100 your kids, blah, blah, blah, right? 314 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,200 Then Grossman and then you enter the cycle of poverty. 315 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,000 So what what are your choices really at that point? 316 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,100 You're just kind of in survival mode. 317 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,100 Really, everybody is welcome. It'll give an example. 318 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:05,300 Like I remember when I was this is a canoe A early mid 20s 2425. 319 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,400 I was like 24 and I was living with my girlfriend. 320 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,400 We lived in and the owners. The house lived above us. 321 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,200 Right? And we my mom, my girlfriend got 322 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,300 along with, with the, the wife, the mother and her. 323 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,700 They had three beautiful daughters that were like, 324 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:21,400 particularly teens and stuff and they were so happy during the 325 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,800 day, you know, doing stuff together. 326 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,900 And and my girlfriend be up there all the time, you know, 327 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,000 baking with them, cooking doing stuff. 328 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:33,800 And One time she's up there and it's around like Sable 5:00 and 329 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,700 she looks o'clock because I guess they were having a good 330 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:39,300 time and chit-chatting and you know I just having a fun 331 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,000 afternoon. Oh no. 332 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,100 Yeah and looked at the clock. Oh no. 333 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,300 He's gonna be home since she started getting like my way. 334 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,400 She described it. She started having like, almost 335 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,900 like an anxiety attacks or grab potatoes really fast and she's 336 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,500 like, what's going on? They want me to help you? 337 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,500 No, no, it's okay. I just, I just have to have just 338 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,700 dinner ready when he comes home and it's like, yeah. 339 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,000 And then and then, you know why I ever since that guy So, I 340 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,300 always thought he was a loser, he was like this guy had like 341 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,100 long hair and you die it. Like he tried to be like some 342 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:09,400 kind of cool surfer, dude, but he wasn't like he dyes his hair 343 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,700 like a dye, his hair blond, but he had all these like dark roots 344 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,200 and stuff. So you look kind of this like, 345 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,300 like kind of like a sketchy kind of methods. 346 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,900 And and and so ever since that I was so rude to him and I'm just 347 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,600 like I would barely talk to him like I just want him to feel me 348 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,400 like you know, I mean I never heard them argue and stuff, but 349 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:30,400 the way she described, it's the look on her face and The fear. 350 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,900 All that would have his potatoes. 351 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:35,500 Ready when he gets home, it's like, oh my God, like it's like, 352 00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:38,700 oh that's awful. That's course of control. 353 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:43,300 And that's how you control somebody without laying a finger 354 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:46,200 on them. See what when people think about 355 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,200 domestic violence, they think, I mean, people often are getting 356 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:55,100 physically beaten daily and that's the, that's the physical 357 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,400 manifestation of that. But you and I were talking 358 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,200 before he hit the record button. And, and narcissistic abuse is 359 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:07,400 often way more subtle, like, I've had so many people write 360 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,700 its mental abuse, psychological warfare. 361 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,700 Like the movie, anybody who's interested, watch that movie. 362 00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:16,100 That's where the thing comes from somebody. 363 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:19,400 That is literally fucking with your head. 364 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,700 Well, totally. And the thing is, like, like we 365 00:19:21,708 --> 00:19:24,200 were talking another one. I feel that a lot of these 366 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,800 people, they have so much practice at it, like they've 367 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,600 been doing it since they're probably like 15 or even Iran. 368 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:32,800 In their teens rights right thirties or forties you know 369 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,500 this is the craft. This is the earth affected it by 370 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:40,400 then absolutely you're good at yeah deal with because generally 371 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,300 speaking when you deal with I mean I'm usage and let people 372 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,500 let's go there a problem. Okay. 373 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:47,400 Yeah you did this or did that and kind of discuss it then 374 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,400 maybe it's not the most Pleasant conversation but you're you're 375 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,700 getting through it together. You're trying to solve some with 376 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,300 them. It's our of like it's it's like 377 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:57,500 you don't even know really what the problem is but there is a 378 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,600 problem and they're they're making you pay for it. 379 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,600 Eight, you know, and it's often a manufactured and inventive 380 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:09,100 process invented problem or just another way to mess with your 381 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:14,700 mind, right, period? So in the extreme like we're 382 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:17,200 talking like you know this maybe this is a hard thing to 383 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,300 speculate on maybe this is another conversation for another 384 00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,200 time. Like let's say like in the 385 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,400 states for example where we were talking about the most extreme 386 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,600 thing, a kid can do is like a school shooting, I'm intrigued. 387 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:33,400 I'm interested in and wondering like are the are those 388 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,000 narcissistic households like, what would take a kid to do 389 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,500 something of that Excel? And I remember there was this 390 00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:43,000 one in the UCLA and he was like some in cell and he wrote some 391 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,300 Manifesto detailed. And then the and this kid was 392 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,000 the definitely on the nurses scale because he just felt that 393 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,900 he was entitled to so much and because he didn't get what he 394 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:55,200 was entitled to including girls and be girls being attracted to 395 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,000 him because he was a rich kid and he had a BMW and didn't 396 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,700 understand why girls weren't just, you know, Themselves item. 397 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,500 Yeah, well, I wasn't getting laid. 398 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,500 Yes, we decided to shoot up the campus, right? 399 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:09,900 Yeah, but but the the it's and then I'm thankful, I'm grateful 400 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:12,100 that we don't have the same phenomenon can enact. 401 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:15,300 Plus, we know we have our gun laws or don't make it as 402 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,900 accessible. But still though, right? 403 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:22,600 This is like a pretty horrific action that is beyond, you know, 404 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,400 monstrous and then you wondering what was the route that chain of 405 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,100 events? So, to speak that started at, 406 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,500 did it start in early childhood? Good with the parent, you know? 407 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,400 I mean like it and I bet it would. 408 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,900 It always does like, 99.9% of the time and I mean, that would 409 00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:40,700 be interesting to dig into a few of these cases because some of 410 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:45,400 them are a bit different. And I have not particularly 411 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:49,800 studied any of them. In great detail enough to 412 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,700 comment on, you know, specific ones column by and sticks out 413 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:55,900 too. But I mean, there's just been so 414 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:59,500 many on the hook one that one's a strange because yeah, mom did. 415 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,300 I'm like an enabler, the kid I want? 416 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:05,800 Yes, yes, bought her kid, the AR-15 she. 417 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,800 What could go wrong? You have an autistic kid. 418 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,600 He's not very well adjusted. Its by right, you know, a 419 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,800 semi-automatic weapon and 100 rounds of ammunition. 420 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,500 What could go wrong, right? And it's interesting because I 421 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,700 mean human behavior does follow certain patterns. 422 00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:24,900 It's not this mysterious entity that that people can't figure 423 00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:26,700 out. I mean, if you go online and you 424 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:30,500 read about some of these cases you're going, Going to be able 425 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:34,900 to see the patterns yourself, you know, single mom or poverty 426 00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:40,300 or, you know, any number of things, domestic violence. 427 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:44,600 But when you mentioned about in cells, they are particularly 428 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,300 violent, that's known. They have a sense of 429 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:51,000 entitlement, like, all abusive men do. 430 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,200 And I'm going to use a term men here because men often feel like 431 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,200 you mentioned within cells, it's the same as abusers. 432 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:02,000 They feel entitled to Their wives and children they feel 433 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:06,500 entitled to women's labor, Etc. So, when those things are taken 434 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:11,100 away suddenly they get angry, that's just a pattern that that 435 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,600 plays out all over the place all the time. 436 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,700 The other, the other thing about shootings and I'm not talking 437 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:20,400 necessarily about school shootings here, but most of the 438 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:25,800 mass shootings, most of the mass shootings in the United States 439 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,500 of America have been perpetrated by men. 440 00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:33,400 Men who have a history of domestic violence. 441 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,100 Oh wow, you didn't know that. Yes, sir. 442 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,500 Well, I'm not surprised to learn that are affected in these 443 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,200 homes, right? Like I look, I'll tell you 444 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,700 another quick story about my mom. 445 00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:45,400 My mom would crate like it. Is that saying she would crate 446 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,500 like these. The stupid like better work 447 00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:53,200 shitstorms over nothing. So my mom had a prize lilac 448 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,100 bush. That was her whole, you know, 449 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,200 the most beautiful, lilac, bush and the in history of lilac 450 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,400 bushes, right? Was a Japanese lady that lived 451 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,500 next door. And she was walking by and she 452 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:06,400 looked at them. I didn't see her pick it and she 453 00:24:06,408 --> 00:24:11,600 was just looking at it. And my mom made world war three 454 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,000 with her and all of the neighbors, accusing, her of 455 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,100 stealing the lilacs, and not only to stealing the lilacs, but 456 00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:23,100 the, the nicest Bloom on the whole thing and Japanese people. 457 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,000 There's a thing called Saving Face. 458 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,700 When you accuse a Japanese person of doing something, they 459 00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,800 didn't do their just as ashamed of They did it because they look 460 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,500 at it as like if you think that I'm such a low person to do 461 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:37,400 something like that, you know? I mean that that that is a huge 462 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,500 thing in their culture and all the neighbors are coming to my 463 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:42,900 mom and say, oh, she would never do that. 464 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:45,600 And, you know, all shed at the head, the entire neighborhood 465 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,100 groveling to her for and I'm thinking what a Power Trip even. 466 00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:51,900 I was like a light and look what a Power Trip sitting there on 467 00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:53,800 her throne and on the Neighbors coming. 468 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,700 Oh Mako, would never do that. We do our part in the Japanese 469 00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:01,900 culture or no. For being like, so polite and 470 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:05,400 stuff, you know, and oh my God, in the cloud. 471 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,400 I was there. She just looked at it. 472 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,000 And then she just walked away. And then and then it was like, 473 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,500 oh, and then my mom's crazy head. 474 00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:16,200 She was just there with the with like cheers and his conspirators 475 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,800 ranchers, and, you know, make up my God. 476 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,800 I was insane. It was totally found that you do 477 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,500 that kind of stuff. All the time. 478 00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:25,300 You're in crate. Just conflict over a, you know, 479 00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:28,400 over nothing they do. And that's where the come, the 480 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,300 walking on eggshells. It's literally comes from 481 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:37,100 because you you don't know what is going to set this person off. 482 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:39,300 At the end of the day it'll literally could be anything. 483 00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:43,700 It could be some a thought that they've had, yes, yeah, right 484 00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:47,700 it's just whatever, whatever whim possesses them at the time 485 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:51,300 and they feel like you know causing a stir and and that's 486 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:55,500 what they do and everyone boughs to them and cower and will be 487 00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:58,600 not facing every yeah, you know, like catering whole, she would 488 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,000 never do that. Ha ha ha right. 489 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,800 Just trying to keep the peace. Do you do anything and 490 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,800 everything you just throw everything out. 491 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,800 This person just to get them to calm down and to stop their rage 492 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,300 attack. Yeah, really. 493 00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:12,100 Yeah, I know. Yeah. 494 00:26:12,100 --> 00:26:15,500 That's what I'm saying. And then for me anytime, like 495 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:19,400 there was parent-teacher night or anything that involved other 496 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,500 parents and kids, I always, you know, I was always like, fingers 497 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,100 croquet. She's not gonna say or do 498 00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:24,800 anything. Crazy. 499 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,700 Please don't hate, you know what I mean? 500 00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:37,300 So yeah, it's all right. Well, and that's up to every 501 00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:41,600 person to kind of backtrack. And, you know, you once you 502 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:46,700 start understanding narcissism, and, and kind of what it looks 503 00:26:46,708 --> 00:26:50,800 like that the patterns of abuse, you do, and how you grew up, you 504 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,200 can kind of backtrack your own life and make those connections 505 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,500 yourself, right? Right. 506 00:26:57,500 --> 00:26:59,900 And you can look back and you say, oh my God, that's Kind of 507 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:02,300 how my first girlfriend was like, or whatever. 508 00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:05,500 Oh, my God, I acted like that, you know, at a certain period in 509 00:27:05,508 --> 00:27:07,000 my life, or you know what I mean. 510 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,200 You can kind of be your own, write your own therapist for 511 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,700 sure. So then what I want to ask you, 512 00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:17,000 that is what did you feel? Is a biggest impact that nurses 513 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,900 have on their kids? I mean which end of the scale 514 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:27,000 lowest will generate maybe like the most common like known 515 00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:29,400 things like doctors like you know that click for me. 516 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,400 Me, I feel that the biggest thing that narcissist do their 517 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,200 kids and you destroy their self-esteem. 518 00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:40,100 They do they do and the things that came to mind, right away 519 00:27:40,100 --> 00:27:43,600 were the attachment issues. You know, you're going to 520 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:49,300 struggle with attachment in your later relationships, when kids 521 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:52,600 are younger like we talked about in the, in the beginning, the 522 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:57,000 the behavioral and emotional issues like things like, oh, 523 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,500 Didi Oppositional, Defiant Disorder. 524 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,500 Things like that, this Association, you know, these 525 00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:07,200 type of mental health disorders, and then you can go up the 526 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:13,200 Spectrum to having complex, PTSD, or PTSD diagnosis. 527 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,300 You know, the thing I hear a lot about, so basically, this is 528 00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:19,400 this is a scenario. I hear a lot about that. 529 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,300 Gets repeated a lot and different scenarios where the 530 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:24,400 dad's a narcissist. Right everyone. 531 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:28,200 Yeah, that's the most common, most more narcissists are male 532 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:33,000 than female like At least that are four to one at last count. 533 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,800 So the dad's a narcissist and then it's a like, the the oldest 534 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,100 daughter. Let's say there's a bunch of 535 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:40,100 kids, the oldest daughter. I heard a lot of times. 536 00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:43,800 He the dad and not necessarily he's doing anything sexual or 537 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,700 grooming, but it's almost like the oldest daughter becomes a 538 00:28:46,708 --> 00:28:50,000 second wife. The Golden Child, we cater to 539 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,600 me. You make my lunch break through 540 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,000 this. I need your help for getting an 541 00:28:53,008 --> 00:28:55,200 appointment. You got to, you know, yeah, like 542 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,200 that. I've seen that a lot that's very 543 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,000 common. Actually, I can see that in my 544 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,500 own Situation with my kids. The oldest daughter is is 545 00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:06,300 favored and it's The Golden Child Dynamic at that point. 546 00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:11,100 Then it's the same with sons to. If you have a son or a daughter, 547 00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:14,600 the sun is often heavily heavily favored. 548 00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:18,000 The girl child is the subservient one, you know, 549 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,700 cooking and cleaning and whatnot. 550 00:29:19,700 --> 00:29:26,600 And yeah, yeah, absolutely. Again, with my situation, my 551 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,400 brother was a golden child, he drew couldn't do anything wrong. 552 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,100 Wrong. Even though he was the Hellion. 553 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,200 Yeah. Note that because my mom didn't 554 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,600 have as much had more control or over me and had zero control 555 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,000 over him. So he she took her, took it out 556 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,600 on me because she's all over me. Right. 557 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:43,500 Seven years younger, right? Yeah. 558 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,300 That caused a lot of resentment seeing someone literally get 559 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:48,900 away with murder and then you can't do anything without the 560 00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:52,500 most severest of punishments. Well, and that's usually if 561 00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:55,300 there's more than if there's only two kids that usually all 562 00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:59,000 the Golden Child usually holds that position for forever unless 563 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,100 they do. Things they have to like just 564 00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:04,800 about murder, someone to come home to that role and sometimes 565 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,600 not even then, but the the second child is goes between the 566 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,700 scapegoat or the Forgotten child. 567 00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:14,300 They're just like, they're just kind of there in the house. 568 00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:18,400 If there's more than one child, it's The Golden Child. 569 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:22,500 Forgotten, child, scapegoat Dynamics, so the scapegoat gets 570 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:26,700 all the gets all the Heat and the shit for the family just 571 00:30:26,700 --> 00:30:28,200 like you did, right? Yeah. 572 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:33,000 Uh-huh. No, I totally agree with you and 573 00:30:33,100 --> 00:30:38,000 it's definitely Scary World out there, it really is. 574 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,800 And it's literally as if you if they know again back to these 575 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:45,000 kids, it's like one are they? They're kind of perpetuating a 576 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,200 scary world but they don't understand the full consequences 577 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,800 of it and how can they they can't? 578 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,500 Yeah, and it's very not until eventually there yet they 579 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:58,300 cannot, they cannot understand know and what it comes down to 580 00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:01,100 is the responsibility. Adults, the parents and our 581 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:03,800 society, like, for example, a comedy bear Springs. 582 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,100 Have you heard? And then they make a report that 583 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,100 oh we're considering not allowing kids to buy pepper 584 00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:12,500 spray anymore. Are you really that slow to kind 585 00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:15,700 of get ahead of stuff? Like I went on your podcast 586 00:31:15,700 --> 00:31:17,900 yesterday and I hadn't been there. 587 00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:21,500 The person's co-host was from Toronto and this guy is from New 588 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:23,800 York and his brothers and NYPD cop. 589 00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:26,400 Wow, and I'm willing to pour story. 590 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,700 I'm telling horror story after horror Vancouver and they're 591 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:33,300 just like What? But really, it's like the the 592 00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:37,000 violence, the stabbings, and I'm saying, and most of the time 593 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,800 that it's kids, too. And there are like, what their 594 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,900 bare spraying around. Like, yeah, and they're thinking 595 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:44,000 of, maybe not letting them buy it anymore. 596 00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:45,300 Thank you. Yeah. 597 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:47,200 Wild. Right wild. 598 00:31:47,300 --> 00:31:50,500 And I mean, I knew kids like that, I kids like that were in 599 00:31:50,500 --> 00:31:54,400 my house with their bear spray fucking canisters, you know. 600 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,000 I'm so glad to see some to and I told them I go, if I see the 601 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,100 shit, I'm throwing it out of the house and I, yeah. 602 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:04,700 Why you can set the one kid I go just to let you know if you 603 00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:06,600 didn't know me and you bear sprayed me. 604 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:10,700 Wow. You know this so come on and do 605 00:32:10,700 --> 00:32:12,200 you think you can carry it with you? 606 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,100 Everywhere you go and they did a lot of times and you know what, 607 00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:20,200 some of the kids that were most afraid were most afraid of the 608 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:25,100 other kids and they carried it for younger, you know, and the 609 00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:29,000 kids suffer and now nowadays before we like hang up here, 610 00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:32,100 Like you were out who asked something that you say things 611 00:32:32,100 --> 00:32:34,500 that are just trigger me like, trigger my thoughts. 612 00:32:34,500 --> 00:32:37,300 But like, you were asking what's going on? 613 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:41,500 What's the dynamic these days? Well, tender, how about that? 614 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,900 I've heard of people going on Tinder, you know, meeting up for 615 00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:48,500 like a fuck and then they're having a kid and they don't even 616 00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:51,400 know who the have you not heard this? 617 00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:53,700 Well, you know, just go tender hook up. 618 00:32:53,700 --> 00:32:56,200 Are you running a pilot like think it's called stealthing or 619 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,000 something where they slip and that too? 620 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,300 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 621 00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:01,500 Great. Like that is great. 622 00:33:02,100 --> 00:33:05,200 That is not that is non consensual sex. 623 00:33:05,700 --> 00:33:07,600 Yeah. And that's become very common, 624 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,800 you know? And that's one thing I want to 625 00:33:10,808 --> 00:33:13,300 get into two down. The road is like owning online 626 00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:14,600 predators of up because I think. Yeah. 627 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,200 I think I, in my opinion. I think even for men, too. 628 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,500 But no more, so for women. Yeah. 629 00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:23,100 Is, it's probably the most dangerous time to do online 630 00:33:23,100 --> 00:33:24,600 dating. No, thanks. 631 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:25,700 Yeah. I'm good. 632 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,700 You know, after what has being an experienced in my life in the 633 00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:31,300 stories that Die here every single day. 634 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,800 No, thank you. No, fucking thank you. 635 00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:37,500 Yeah, it's a tough world out there and this is what's sad 636 00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:41,000 about it too because again there don't seem to be any 637 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,800 accountability and no there's no. 638 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,500 And then on the system talking about the BC system, the BC 639 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,700 systems Beyond broken like beetles. 640 00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:52,000 And when I was a teenager, right? 641 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,800 And maybe we were a little bit smarter but we didn't want to do 642 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,300 stuff that was going to get us caught we'd call it being a key 643 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,500 or right? And then more Yeah, yeah, want 644 00:34:00,500 --> 00:34:02,400 to do something. If we want to do something for 645 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,300 the spectacle, we got the dumb kids to do and then played in a 646 00:34:05,308 --> 00:34:08,800 said, oh I didn't know anything. You know, I mean but these kids, 647 00:34:09,100 --> 00:34:11,400 you know, they do violent options, they film it and then 648 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,000 they post it and they bust themselves. 649 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,600 They want to use in the, like, the admiration from doing the 650 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,400 action is more important than them getting caught. 651 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,300 Right? It is, and it's, and it's for 652 00:34:23,300 --> 00:34:25,800 the likes. It's for the social media and 653 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,300 with another social phenomena, that is new. 654 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:34,000 And wasn't around when you and I my God like can you imagine the 655 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:39,400 stuff that we grew up doing and and and it was on filmed Jesus? 656 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,400 Yeah, I'm right. Glad when I was growing up, 657 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:49,000 there was no record of all the haha stupid hundred percent. 658 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:54,600 But anyway, like I have to run now are the time with me. 659 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,100 Yeah. No, I love it. 660 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:58,900 I love it. I love, you know. 661 00:34:58,900 --> 00:35:00,800 I love shooting. In the shit with you, and we end 662 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,400 up in really good conversation. So, absolutely will do it again. 663 00:35:05,700 --> 00:35:08,300 All right, we'll have a good night and thank you for spending 664 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:10,200 time with me. We'll do it again shortly. 665 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,800 Hey, I love talking to you. Thanks, Mark for having me 666 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,800 again. Okay, bye.