Welcome to Vancouver True Crime. I have the very distinct honor
and pleasure to be interviewing, and I'm sorry to interview under
these circumstances, Amber, but we're going to be talking about
Tatiana Docotero. It's a real tragic case if
you've been following me for a little while.
I've been doing a lot of work on narcissistic abuse, domestic
violence and some of the previous guests that I talked
with is we talk a lot about the worst case scenario and what's
the worst case scenario? She passed away at the hands of
her partner in this horrible case of domestic violence that
went down in Sydney, Australia. Thank you for having me.
This is a terrible time. Obviously it's very hard for me
to do. I've never done anything like
this, never want to do it ever again in my life.
But I'm doing it because domestic violence needs to end
the cycles of abuse. Not right.
More can be done that isn't done.
Tanya is and was the most beautiful, loving, carefree,
kind, considerate, human anywhere she went.
Everyone fell in love with her. She made friends near and far,
you know. I've even been in touch with the
most recent tattoo shop that she went to in Thailand and had.
These most random pieces of art done on her and that in itself
shows she was at a point of not even knowing who she was
struggling trying to reach out one of them quotes on her
collarbone. Love yourself and she had
stopped loving herself. I'm not sure exactly when, but
100% last June when her and I when she came to Vancouver and.
And you know, she stayed for almost two months with her
parents on the Island. She came over to Vancouver and
we went to Kelowna together. And she wasn't somebody that I
knew, that sat directly in front of me.
Of course I knew her. I loved her.
I wanted to get her help. I didn't really know how to.
I come from a very abusive past and.
I It brought up a lot of things that I never wanted to.
Feel so I I struggled a bit with really you know understanding
how at her age she could be going through this.
Like I thought it was, you know, I was 17 when I was in that
situation and I I just she's so strong, I I wasn't understanding
how this person could be doing this to her for the audience,
just give a time stamp when the last time you saw her, when you
said you said she came to Vancouver and her whole demeanor
seemed to have changed. June. 9th to be exact.
June 9th, what would June 9th? The last summer 2022?
OK, the impact of trauma and abuse can have a very profound
effect on someone may ask when was the last time you saw her
previous to that time? 2017 we went to Thailand.
Wow. So it's been a little bit of
time then? And then before that was 2016,
she was here for New Year's Okay.
But you guys always stayed in touch like social media,
messaging, phone, FaceTime and that kind of stuff.
For the audience sake, we'll start kind of at the beginning
and unfortunately go through this tragic story.
But this is a good entry point because it's like you're very
close to this person. Then when you see in the first
time, you're kind of have that whoa, that kind of knee jerk
reaction. Did she disclose like what was
going on or which? Yeah, she did.
And she had been sending me previous messages.
But again, she was there. I was here.
You don't quite know exactly how her everyday life is.
I'm not living inside of her house.
I don't have a camera in there. I don't go on the little bits
that she would share. And you know, anyone coming from
a domestic abuse relationship, you become someone that blames
yourself. You always make it like it's not
that bad. I, the my neighbors called the
police one time and he was arrested.
My ex and I went to court and said, Oh my God, he would never
hit me. I hit him and I cheated on him
and I did all these things and. I look back thinking, wow, like,
you know, that could have cost my life.
Like, what was that? Yeah, this is important for the
audience. And again, I stressed this and
when my wife passed away that her last year of her life was
very dramatic, She had a stroke and it changed her behavior
dramatically. However, she didn't tell anyone
she had a stroke. She kept it secret.
So her behavior was like off the charts and you have no idea
what's going on. And just like what you said, I
was trying to please her running circles cuz I think, oh, if I
just do this one thing, we'll go back to where it was for the
audience who's fortunate enough to never been in an abusive
emotional abuse, physical abuse of situation.
You can't judge the ones that are in that situation.
It's easy from the sidelines, have very black and white
thinking. Trauma has a very deep impact on
people and especially in relationships, right?
Because most relationships, they start good, They start right.
It seemed to be over pictures and her messages.
In the beginning it was right. He was younger.
They had a lot of fun. That's just who she was.
Things changed once they had their baby.
Sometimes when you're with like a narcissistic partner, I feel
jaded that they're not getting the same amount of the attention
before I hear that. Oh, and and I totally believe
that with her I was on the opposite spectrum where I
suffered very badly. I have a 3 1/2 year old and I
went through postpartum for the last three years.
It was it was horrible and I finally reached out for help
just recently. And good for you.
People look at you like, oh, what's wrong with her?
And like, how can you not be happy?
You have this beautiful child and you're so lucky.
It's a chemical imbalance. It's it's not our fault.
And too many women suffer alone, and they're embarrassed and
they're afraid. And it's with any type of, you
know, chemical imbalance or abuse or anything, there's so
many different avenues that lead to.
The end result? And it's it's unfortunate if
you're not going through it you don't relate to and understand.
It's easy to judge, right? It's easy.
Oh well, you should just be grateful.
Some people have amazing pregnancies and amazing after
they have their children, they're perfectly fine.
They bounce back and they've gained £5 throughout their
pregnancy. And then there's other they get
100 and they struggle to lose it.
They don't feel beautiful anymore.
And it's. Yeah.
And then if you have a shitty partner on top of, it compounds,
right? It has more of a compounding
effect. Let's start at the beginning.
We've been talking a little bit when you reached out to me phone
conversation before, but we've been going back and forth and
stuff, so you've kind of given the chronological timeline of
the events for the audience sake.
When you first met her, it was in Surrey in the early 2000s.
The Infinity Towers. Everyone knew about that town,
you know? It was the biggest, best place.
Everyone wanted to live in Surrey.
I actually met her in the lobby and we instantly hit it off.
Back then we were both very different human beings.
She was this young, blonde, chunky little Tanya, and I was
this longhaired, very quiet. Person and she completely took
me out of my shell that I had been living in for so long.
I chopped my hair off because she had these beautiful
extensions and I wanted extensions and I just, she got
me my first Ed Hardy, had my first Ed Hardy gym bag.
We the 1st gym I ever went to was in that building.
She took me to the gym and we just started doing all these
things, traveling, going to the States together and you know,
just being silly. Young teenagers, you guys are
hit it off. You had a close relationship
like a sister from another month.
Well, what time again, let's say early teeth out.
That's right. Generally, what was her demeanor
like? And maybe even just touch on the
type of relationship she's had because one of the questions I
asked you was did she have a pattern of abusive relationship?
No, she did not. I think it's because no one
could ever break that wall of her happiness and her silly self
and. You know, she didn't allow
anyone any toxicity in her life at all.
She was silly. She would wrap toilet paper
around each other. We would jump in fountains, we
would flood the fountains in Surrey with bubble.
We just, you know, there was nothing that was harmful about
her or and she would never let that negativity around her.
She then went on want bigger and better, wanted to start
traveling and move to Vancouver. To a condo.
I guess that wasn't enough anymore.
And then she decided to travel overseas and she ended up in
Australia ultimately. When did she first go to
Australia, if you can? I wanna say it was I bought my
first place in 2012, so 2011. Maybe.
She wasn't here when I bought my place, so so let's say 2011.
And she had her here. You were saying she had another
relationship? There, yes.
Not right away, but she eventually met somebody and she
got married and he was a lovely, still is a lovely man.
They ultimately they came here for New Year's 2016 and he went
home 1st. And when she had some time
alone, I think she had realized or thought that he was a little
bit older and he was ready to have kids and she wasn't.
And you know, the most beautiful wedding and the happiest post.
And she had never disclosed to me any type of abuse or things
like that. Again, I don't know if she was
hiding it. We're in close contact with him
throughout the situation and he's been very helpful.
He does have a family and stuff of his own now, and two weeks
prior to her passing she had actually Facetimed him and
showed him. You know a previous right around
her birthday, May 5th, what he had done to her.
Well, she meets the new guy. Maybe just talk a little about
the circumstances, like from what you know what was a good
thing? What attracted her to the the
man that she married the 2nd? He was younger than her, so her
being full of life, he was full of life.
And you know she loves festivals.
She goes to a lot of like. Medium concerts and stuff like
that. Just a really, really like a
free spirited soul. He would attend those with her
and I think she felt like this was great.
They could travel and you know, he would always be able to keep
up to her because he was younger and she was a high energy girl
and and she wanted someone like that.
She wasn't ready. Just kind of have this as a
quiet married life. Yeah, and she was a gym freak.
This guy's a gym freak. You know, she was going to do
competitions and she wasn't amazing.
I keep forgetting to tell everyone this, but the most
amazing cook, you would think that she literally was a 5 star
chef or whatever you call them. Yeah, she was insane.
And she would cook him the craziest dinners and she would
send me pictures and I'm like, Oh my gosh, Tanya.
Like that literally looks like it came out of a magazine like,
babe, that's amazing, you know? And he loved pleasing him that
way. And you know, I guess he was
younger and probably had never had that.
And in the beginning he he didn't really take advantage of
it, but in the end he he for sure did.
And he made it like it was her job, You know, like, bitch, make
me my food. It was sick.
Wow. So when was the first like
indications that this relationship was not a good
relationship? He had messaged me just saying
hey, babe. I had probably messaged on a
picture and I was like, oh, you look so amazing, so proud of
you, so happy for you. And she was like, hey, you know,
it's actually just a photo. I'm falling apart.
You know, my partner's so mean to me, You know, he's constantly
bashing me in the, like, verbally saying, you know,
you're fat, you're ugly and you're never going to be
anything. And I think, you know, she had
told me that. He said she ruined his life by
having the baby. She got pretty quick after they
met. And so, you know, being a new
mom, she thought it would end and she would get over it and he
would get over it. And you know, it was just like
emotions were high, but I don't think it stopped it.
It definitely got worse. And I think at the point of when
we lost her, she was scared to tell a lot of people the truth.
Because she knew that everyone had finally, it had come to
light what was going on, and she was scared that they would go to
the police and that he would be taken away from his son.
When you're in a narcissistic relationship, when you're in
abusive relationships, when you are trapped, you're alone in
another country, your mom's going through health issues.
You don't want to stress anyone else, take everything on and you
just bury it. And and and that's that's that's
what happened from what I well, totally And from what you're
saying. You know she seemed like a very
proud woman. She very beautiful.
Really joyful happy go lucky. That would be very kind of
shameful to have to tell people now.
Now things are the opposite right.
With trauma you can't underestimate what it does to
your trauma bonding. It has a profound effect.
That's why it works in cults. They first they love the hell
out of you and then threaten you and it literally does break a
person down. And these types of
relationships, the glue is the children.
Obviously, she loves her, loved her son.
For sure, because like I said, she didn't allow this type of
stuff in her life. And I know the abuse didn't
start until after she had her son.
But she couldn't understand why She just like she was so in love
with her kid and it made her whole, entire world complete.
And she didn't get why it didn't make his complete.
But, you know, teach their own, We can't speak on somebody
else's behalf. I know that I didn't even have a
child and I was with that man for seven years, being beat
until the very last time when the police got involved and they
actually removed all my belongings out of his house, put
a restraining order on me, and I was to go to jail next, if you
know, this had continued and it it was finally what?
Tourists away from each other and I'm thankful today, but back
then I hated every second of it. I, you know, I would message him
from different phones and I would try and get him to come
meet up with me. And I was just so sick and so in
love what I thought I was. Yeah, it's trauma, but.
Yeah, exactly. A lot of people have their
opinions on this stuff and and and that's fine, right?
Everyone, It affects differently.
I just know that. I can't say I know what she was
going through. Because again, my situation was
different and it will always be different and it just as she had
a child, I have a child now who's 3 1/2.
And if his father did the stuff to me, it would probably still
take me a long time to leave because I'm used to that abuse
in my past. You always just want to give
that person the benefit of the doubt, and they're going to
change. And they're sorry of myself.
I found myself, you know, in situations where I can
rationalize the last year of my wife for the decline of her
mental health, I would make excuses for her.
Now looking back, it's like, wow, for the audience that you
cannot underestimate what trauma does to you.
And and when you're attached to someone, you're loved and you're
intimate with them and you share your life with them and you have
good experiences, bad experiences, it has a profound
effect on you. It really does.
And and sometimes it's hard to cut those ties because you don't
know anything different. Yeah, isolated a different
country and. Your son holding an Australian
passport and you having a Canadian one, it's just, it's
for no one to judge. And you know, if we had more
support and people that understood, I think we would be
a lot further in the domestic violence factor of life.
And the most important thing. Yeah.
And the most important thing, I mean for myself was education,
understanding when I started researching this and even before
I started the platform. But again with one of my other
my guest hosts that I do shows with this Narcisse survivor and
that was the first thing she said.
She first thing she Googled was am I crazy?
Let's get into the horrible day of the event if you can share
kind of what the leading up to it.
And I know that the police in Australia are under scrutiny
because she made it for the people, because I had comments.
Why would she call 00, not 911? So for the audience 000 in
Australia's equivalent to our 911.
So and where she lived at the time it was 000 for emergency
call. She made a 00 call.
And then what happened? So from what I know, she made
that call at around 11:42 PM on a Friday night, so that would
have been the 26th of May. Yes, she was frantically
screaming. My ex partner is bashing me and
he's trying to steal all my money, so were they already as
strained at this point because he said the X?
Part, yes. So this is the thing.
Tanya actually, last year, last June 2022, had gained the
strength while visiting her friends and family here in
Vancouver, her belongings while he was out one day and move out,
she had gone to her own apartment.
This was her home, this was her safe place.
And that's another thing. You know, he should have never
been able to get in there. Oh, wow.
See that she has a whole different light on things.
Yeah, no, he was. That's why they're stalking
charges and stuff. She had put an AVO, which in our
terms is a restraining order, last year when she was in
Vancouver, he had received it and that's when I was reading
messages in her phone saying you dumb bitch, I'm going to effing
kill you. You're ruining my life.
You put an AVO on me? And so she was just, she was
sick. She was crying.
Oh, my God, why does he hate me so much?
He needs to stop. You know, I'll never take his
son from him. And I said, it's OK, Tanya.
Things are going to get better. And that's when she went home
and she left. And we were shocked, like, I I
didn't because truly, I I wouldn't have been able to do
it. You know, kids change things.
I'm stuck. I still have tons of trauma that
I I live with every day. And I I think, like, you know,
it takes, it takes a superwoman to do that.
And she did it. Wow.
With her own place. With her son.
OK, well, that's important. That's great.
You know, full. Custody with him.
Her son actually had. She had always taken care of
him. She who was never in daycare or
anything like that. It was her seven days a week,
24/7. Wow.
OK, let's break down the call because there's confusion that
the police could not find the the yes, so.
She made the call. The call went dead.
I don't know yet if they they tried to call back the number.
I'm not sure but. I do know she stated the
address, not her unit. They arrived 3 hours and 15
minutes later roughly and listed it as a Level 3 priority, which
is very low. I think that's another, you
know, the police are under investigation for that as to why
a woman would be calling saying she's getting beat and they
would put it as a Level 3. They arrived at the apartment,
she called it just before midnight.
They arrived there just after 3:00 AM and so that would have
been the Saturday, no? From what I'm understanding, a
10 minute walk around the exterior ground level of the
building, not being able to get into the foyer.
They then left. The next day, a neighbor at
around 2 heard. Her son streaming for dear life.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
That neighbor then still hadn't called to check, I guess.
I don't know if it was the same neighbor or another neighbor,
but a neighbor called around 7:00 PM.
I'm not sure if it was the same one had called the police.
Just saying, hey, I want to do a Wellness check.
You know, there's a single mom that lives on my floor, and
there was some screaming last night, and that's when he had
given the unit number and they had arrived at around 8:15 PM on
the 27th, a Saturday to find her son, her ex partner and
unfortunately, her deceased body.
Oh my. God, wow, that that is
absolutely awful. Wow.
So there was a report I read and one of the articles he sent me
where the parents got a call from her.
That she was undergoing abuse and they were really upset to
get that call day before or leading up to it, No.
So leading up to it, I mean while she was here she had you
know disclosed some of this information.
Again, I don't think anyone. I I still haven't sent her
mother the the text messages I have between her and I I've sent
them to the detectives because no mother should endure this
pain, let alone see what her daughter was feeling.
So I don't know, you know, her mom does know quite a bit and
she's told me Tanya probably downplayed it a lot to her mom
because she didn't want her to worry right here in Vancouver.
Well on the island, she's in Australia.
No, no parent. She's an only child.
No one wants to put that their mother through that.
So her mom had gotten quite a few messages from her.
I meant, yeah. She has that proof as well in
some videos. And the last time, however,
Tanya, there's there's some text messages I have of her stating
my mom's been calling me for a week and I can that.
That's probably. OK, so that's my face is so bad.
Oh. My God, she had.
She had told her mom that she had fallen in her apartment and
had broken her ribs. Right.
She had told some other friends that she was in a car accident.
Oh my God. And then she told another group
of friends who I believe she thought we couldn't help her, We
wouldn't go to the police because, you know, I live here
and stuff like that, that he had beaten her, right?
She's scared, right? So there there's a bunch of
different stuff. And again, someone in this
situation, she's, she's not thinking, She's scared.
Yeah, you're in. I can't judge her actions
because, like, again, until you're in that situation, how
you're going to react in that situation?
So the partner in question, his name is Danny.
His last name is Zayat, spelled Z.
A YAT. He's accused of violating his
restraining order in Australia. It's called an AVO and he's
charged with assault, stalking and causing damage to a
television. I can't believe that's a charge
in Australia. Damaging.
ATV does not charge for murder, yet there's no homicide charges.
There's a homicide investigation.
They did release on his Friday court appearance that the judge
believes the charges will be upgraded, that they are waiting
for an autopsy report to determine a few more things.
Again, I'm speculating here in Vancouver.
I wasn't in the apartment. I've never seen any photos.
I've only spoken to her parents very closely.
There's a lot of things that we can't speak about yet.
And from from what the the report first said is that there
was a lot of head trauma. His alibi is this, that he went
there around 11:30 on the Friday night because he had heard Tanya
was on drugs. So her kid was there, his kid
and he wanted to make sure his child was okay.
He shows up there, they get in a fight.
The part everyone's forgetting is she called 000 which is the
911 for help saying he's bashing me.
He's saying he broke the TV. Yes.
And he left. Wow.
You know, there is CCTV footage
of him. So that's another, you know,
piece of evidence that will be used.
He left and the police won't disclose to us how many times he
left and went back into the building.
Do you know that he had followed somebody in that?
Oh, okay, that's how he gained entry.
Like you know, yeah she he didn't have her keys or
something like that. Again, I that I'm sure is going
to be used as a huge piece of evidence.
And he stated that the Saturday, the following day, the 27th
after their fight at around 11:30 on the Friday night, he
couldn't get a hold of her. It was her son's 4th birthday
unfortunately when this occurred.
So. Poor child.
Yeah, he can claim that he went there to, you know, see his
child on his birthday. This, that.
The other. I don't care what excuses he
has. So I guess he went there to find
out what, Why she wasn't answering her phone.
But there's a restraining order. It doesn't matter why she's not
answering her phone. You're not supposed to be
confident, of course. And he says he arrives and she's
deceased at the point and he starts CPR.
Well I can't confirm when he got back to the apartment on the
Saturday the 27th. The police do know that I can't
confirm if he left with belongings as the news said her
cell phone and all her money is missing and he states that he
gave her CPR and then the police arrived.
So, you know, did he get there at 6:00 PM and do CPR for two
hours? Did he get there at 8:30 PM and
the got there at 8:15 PM? Like we don't know.
They do. And and hopefully, you know,
that brings some justice with that information for sure.
Oh my God, how did you get the news?
So I was actually on a cruise for eight days.
So the last time her and I spoke was May 20th.
Over Instagram, she had posted a very sad post.
And I I wish I had screenshotted it, but I I can't quote what the
quote said. And I basically messaged her and
I said, babe, you're so strong. You're stronger than I've ever
been. You're an amazing mother.
You're the best of friend. I love you.
I'm, I'm praying for you. You're doing great, you know?
And she opened it, and this wasn't like her.
She opened it and she never replied.
She whether she liked it, whether she said I know babe or
thanks or I'm trying or she would always say something, she
didn't reply to me on the 20th. I left at very early in the
morning on the 21st, which would have been the 22nd for her
because they're a day ahead of us.
And I returned to Vancouver on the Sunday.
I believe it was the 27th. I'm not sure it was the 27th or
28th, but I returned on the Sunday and she I had gotten a
call saying that I that they had very bad information for me.
And I I said what? And I was told that Tanya had
passed away and that her ex had killed her.
And I said you're wrong. And then they sent me a
screenshot of somebody's Instagram post and I said, Oh my
God. So I immediately messaged her,
and of course the message never got opened.
Oh, no. So I'm sorry.
I then reached out to her ex, her first husband, and he
confirmed it. He still lives in Australia and
so then I reached out to her mom.
And we This is what we've been dealing with since, right?
I'm again my deepest condolences for the loss of your beautiful
friend. Well and then maybe tell the
audience what happened to all her social media.
So the month of May, her 34th birthday was actually May 5th
and her son's is May 27th. We go to Mayo.
I had messaged her on her birthday on Instagram.
That morning she sent me a video of her chest and neck.
Very beaten up. And she said, babe, what he's
done to me. And I wrote back and I said
please tell me my first words were please tell me that your
son wasn't there. You're strong.
You're beautiful. I love you.
I don't know why this is happening to you.
I said, you know it doesn't make sense.
You're so amazing. And I quoted something like you
know storms happen but they can't last forever and just keep
going babe, because you got this.
And then I sent her the her birthday message and she never
replied. On May 7th, I had this new
Instagram account add me with her name.
And I said hi babe, She says, hey, my social was deleted.
And I said, oh, that's weird. And I will tell you that she'd
had that, that one Instagram for years and years and years and
years. So her whole life was on there.
Every picture of her and her son, every picture of her, all
her travels, thousands of friends, everyone's seen her.
She was so popular, you know, and she had multiple businesses.
So she shared a lot of her businesses on that page as well.
And so she had tons of followers.
And I said, Oh no, why did they delete you?
And she said, I'm not sure that was the so with this first new
Instagram and then we we chatted a little bit and I said, did you
get my birthday message? And she said, no babe, my social
got deleted and I said, okay here, I'll go into it and I'll
screenshot it and I'll send it to you.
So that's what I did. And in that message was, hey,
did he do it in front of your son?
And she didn't reply to that. She just replied, aw, I love you
so much. Thanks.
Thank you my Angel. And we'd had it a little bit and
then a couple days had gone by and again this new P0V 0X0
account was adding me and I said what the heck is going on here.
And so I messaged her and I said I'm not I don't feel comfortable
what is going on. They wouldn't keep.
Just this is not random. Somebody is is doing this to you
that knows you and she says no babe, you know it, it's just
I've I've broken the laws on Instagram And here she sends me
a screenshot of the deactivation from Instagram saying, hey,
we've deactivated your account for this reason and it basically
says I still have it. It says for not following the
the rule community guidelines. Yes.
And so I I still said I I'm not buying it.
But it did say that the e-mail was from the day before and I
don't know what, maybe someone had been reporting it.
I don't know how Instagram works.
I'm not good with social media at all, do you think?
Someone was who was making these fake accounts.
Do you think they weren't making fake accounts?
She was really making the new accounts?
Okay. Okay, someone was having her
accounts deleted. Okay, that's strange.
And she truly, I don't know if she truly thought it was
Instagram saying that she did something wrong.
And so she said to me, it's my IP address.
What? What?
So did this to back up for a SEC.
She said she had it when Instagram started, so she had it
for years, yes. And did she ever post anything
that would be over the top that would get her in trouble?
The community guidelines in your memory?
No, no. God no.
If you posted anything, it was crying out for help writing sad
messages, little quotes about how just like this can't go on
forever and you just keep being strong and stuff like that.
Never so generally. She's Instagram recorder life.
Yes, what she was. Doing her trips, her family, her
friends, the places that she went to.
She wasn't posting like crazy content that would put her in
the crosshairs of Instagram and your memory.
OK, so that's strange. That's strange.
But her main account, though her main account that she had for
the longest time, is deleted, deleted and every picture of her
being abused is now black it.