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Well, welcome to Vancouver, True
Crime. 

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I'm here. 
If it's very special guest Kim 

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from the hush podcast and you're
out of Tucson. 

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Arizona by day, you are a 911 
operator, which I think is super

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cool and you have your own 
podcast as well and maybe 

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introduce yourself and talk 
about what your podcast is 

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about. 
And you know, if you feel 

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comfortable talk a little bit 
about being a 911, operator and 

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the states and introduce 
yourself. 

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Thank you for coming on the 
Vancouver. 

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True Crime. 
Kim. 

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Thank you for actually inviting 
me. 

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I know that you are a guest on 
mine. 

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So I'm honored to be on your 
podcast, this time and share a 

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little bit about myself. 
Oh, thank you. 

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Thank you, Mark. 
Yes, during the day what I can't

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even say this day. 
Now I do night shift, so I'm 

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whole crazy schedule already. 
So I get all the nighttime 911 

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calls as a 911 dispatcher. 
Wow I'm what's considered like 

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secondary. 
So the fire department, It's 

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here in the police department 
will get the primary calls and 

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if they need medical or further 
fire assistance, it's all 

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divided by like Division and 
jurisdictions crazy. 

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There's a lot of rules to where 
you're going to get your medical

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or fire responses from. 
But basically if it Narrows down

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to the fire station that I work 
with or the paramedics or the 

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EMTs or nurses that I work with,
then I get that call secondary. 

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So I'm basically second person 
to touch a 911 call at that 

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point. 
Sometimes it varies some people 

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are calm, some people are a 
little distraught, it just 

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varies on what they're going 
through and how well they handle

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stress and whatever they're 
going through at the moment. 

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I know some calls definitely 
stick with you some right? 

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Yeah I can imagine you know, and
tell them the city that you're 

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in. 
I am In Tucson Arizona. 

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So, this is the second biggest 
city in Arizona. 

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We're just behind Phoenix. 
I lived in the Phoenix area as 

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well, but I'm back here in my 
hometown. 

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Yeah, I would say the Metropolis
itself is probably about a 

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million people, so we get quite 
a bit quite a busy time of 9/11 

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phone calls, right? 
But it's different all know, it 

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never is each day is different. 
I think that's what I like. 

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Impact. 
Honestly, I love the impact that

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I feel like I'm making. 
I feel like I don't want to go 

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through life not feeling like I 
didn't make an impact of some 

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sort. 
So when you're going through 

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that scary or tragic moment, I 
guess how I see it as like I was

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your voice that guided you at 
the time until help got there. 

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Even if we were too late to 
help, there has been some people

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that have passed away on certain
calls. 

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It's, it's the impact, I guess, 
the fact that some people are 

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that just like, whoa, you're 
just so calm and, and thank you 

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for staying on the line with me,
you know, it's just things like 

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that. 
And honestly, some of it 

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actually stems from when my 
cousin passed away. 

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I'm going to the interstates 
here. 

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Yep, it was like a weird freak 
accident was only 29 and I was 

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26 at the time. 
He was only three years older 

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than me, but he was ejected from
the vehicle and we are getting 

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we We didn't know until I didn't
know till later but my aunt 

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found out like a few hours 
later, but we're grateful 

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because all those 911 calls came
in. 

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Like if people didn't make that 
call and reach a dispatcher, 

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then he would have just been 
laying out out anyway, you know,

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so that really kind of geared me
toward wanting to go further 

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into dispatch and it's not a 
dream job. 

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It does take care of me and my 
daughters, I love the it. 

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Them making, you know. 
So I can't say that I don't love

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the job I do. 
It's not what I have my degree 

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in though. 
I went to score a goal of 

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Buddhism but I mean in a sense 
this is communication, you know,

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they're their life during a 
crisis and, you know, a calming,

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you know, cool head, you know, 
it could really help and he 

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definitely have that demeanor so
I could see being really good at

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your job. 
Thank you. 

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It means a lot that does. 
Like I say it's not what I went 

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to school for, but it's what I 
felt. 

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I I was kind of driven to do 
after my cousin passed it was a 

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little bit more of that sense of
making an impact. 

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I saw many lives he touched and 
we were grateful to get that 

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call. 
Honestly, just even though he 

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didn't make it like at least you
took the time to call 911 and 

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Report what you saw because it's
amazing. 

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A lot of people don't do that, 
you know? 

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Yeah, we should have world where
everybody is quick to go viral 

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instead of calling for help. 
You're quick to record 

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something, you know. 
Yeah, I know that's kind of 

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awful. 
So, how long have you been 

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doing? 
For dispatching itself. 

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I started taking up in 2020, so 
right after the pandemic, well, 

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during the pandemic actually. 
But I decided to do something 

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that was now is actually geared 
from leaving the narcissistic X,

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right rare. 
It's like, at the same time we 

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worked at the same job and he 
was actually a supervisor 

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messing around with somebody 
else at the job. 

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So it's like, well, I don't want
to work here anymore. 

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So I'm going to select Because 
again, you know, I've been doing

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a series called series is called
evil intentions. 

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It's about dark psychology. 
And I've been doing a lot of 

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stuff on narcissistic abuse and 
I have a guest in our sick, 

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Survivor who's the my guest host
on this series. 

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So we've been going in like a 
lot of Deep dive on this 

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behavior and what I said to her 
was like every single woman, I 

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talked to my platform had a 
story, you know, my ex my baby 

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too heady or, you know, so on 
and so on. 

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And what I always find 
interesting, it's like you can 

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see a pattern and all these 
stories, you know, like the 

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love-bombing, the isolation, The
Gaslight, you know what I mean? 

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Like it's they are because every
person's story is unique to them

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and and there's different 
nuances of course. 

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But it does shocked me how 
similar the these stories are. 

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Why you? 
Tell your Xena. 

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Yeah, I could go ahead and do 
that. 

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So I met my ex when I was 19, I 
was at the University and And he

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was 24 going to be 25 at the 
time. 

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So obviously someone in college 
you think you're hot shit 

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because you build such an older 
guy and I get free alcohol. 

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So I was 19. 
So he was five years older and 

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then his birthday happened to 
pass. 

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So he goes up to like, 6 years 
older than me, for a couple 

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months and then my birthday 
hits, and then goes back down to

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like five, so between five to 
six years. 

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So it was just me. 
Going through this phase where I

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didn't really get a lot of 
attention male attention when I 

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was in high school so much. 
As I did in college, all of a 

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sudden, it was like this flower 
that Blossom didn't know what it

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was like. 
That was a late bloomer with a 

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lot of things. 
And here I am hosting a sex 

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podcast, right? 
The World Turns will start 

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going, right? 
Exactly, I didn't get all that 

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attention, you know. 
Like you knew the girls that 

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Developed early. 
I don't want to make it 

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uncomfortable but I'm just I'm 
gonna open filter with anything 

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no filters, honestly. 
So you see the girls that 

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developed early that got the 
male attention. 

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They got all the boyfriends that
wasn't me, not at all. 

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Like, I felt like I was an ugly 
duckling story and then almost 

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at an end. 
And when I was 18, the attention

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kind of peaked. 
So here I was meeting people 

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like off of my space at the 
time, that was probably my 

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classes and I had a, the 
University Self closed meeting 

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people in my classes or online. 
So I felt this real good 

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EcoBoost. 
I never attention and then my ex

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came into the picture during 
that time and he was a lot older

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than me, so I felt like I beg to
somebody. 

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That could give me. 
Cool benefits in college. 

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You know, I was 19 and I was 
under age to drink. 

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So here I was like, okay, that's
one cool thing. 

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That was actually one of the 
first messages that he sent was 

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like he was looking for a beer 
pong partner. 

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It's like, I don't drink Beer. 
Like, I drink liquor but we can.

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Yeah, we can meet at some point 
and it was pretty sweet in the 

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beginning. 
Obviously the love-bombing 

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stage, right? 
He was making time to come meet 

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me between my brakes when I was 
working and that's how it 

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developed he would come and your
case. 

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So what would the love-bombing 
was lot of attention being very 

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attentive? 
Was it also guests and dinners 

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out, It was like, what will they
buy the stuff so I guess the 

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good moments where, or gifts? 
For sure. 

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So he had this thing with rings,
he stood does. 

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So I dropped the whole eight 
years on and off with him, I had

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promised to bring an engagement 
ring a marriage ring, you know? 

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So the first thing that he 
opened up with was a promise 

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ring and I was like, 20, I think
I had just, I was just about to 

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be 20 at the time. 
And so, my family was thinking 

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like your so, So young, you 
know, you should still 

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experience things but he opened 
up at that time he got me a 

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promise ring, he got this 
certificate. 

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That said that he purchased this
star in the sky 

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but I liked the gesture dates 
all the time. 

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We're always going on a date. 
Going out to restaurants, they 

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places like that but I never 
been to really, he would take me

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out to that. 
We would do the movies. 

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It was sweet in the beginning, 
you know. 

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Or else I'm going to stayed with
him. 

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You know, like why would a girl 
stay with somebody that she 

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considers an asshole for so 
long? 

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Always like that, you know, but 
I mean, deep down those are like

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the narcissistic intentions, you
know, but you don't see it 

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because you're so blinded by all
the attention, all the dates, 

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all the gifts, you know, there, 
Was flowers. 

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There was candy, there was all, 
you know, the stereotypical 

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stuff and we're not getting that
attention. 

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And finally like thinking, you 
know, I have something good. 

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I just ran with that billing for
sure. 

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Of course, and lot of cases to 
because guys are either very, 

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you know, they're either good at
dating and being like cording if

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they get it. 
But the guys that are dumb, 

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don't get it that, you know, 
what I mean? 

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So it's a lot of times of 
Florida girls is this, is there.

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Ori is the last guy was just 
such a no attention. 

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Not very attentive. 
Forget birthdays, not really go 

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out of their way and so then 
when a narcissist love bomber 

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comes it just seems like oh this
is what I've been waiting for. 

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This is finally a guy that knows
how to you know impress a woman 

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and stuff like that so 
especially in the drought of it.

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And then sometimes it could also
go to like a childhood neglect. 

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So if your parents weren't very 
like you know what I mean? 

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They weren't very attentive to 
you. 

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Then finally, this guy Guy comes
and he's like showering a gifts 

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and stuff. 
You know, there's different ways

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where someone could get 
definitely caught up and I got 

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caught in it. 
But two different relationships.

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I've been looking for, it's a 
crazy feeling, I mean, yeah. 

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And then you, you know, it does 
have to say, like, honeymoon 

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notion only one stage, and that 
was like, a very big thing and 

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the same thing as well because I
said it was an on and off 

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relationship. 
So eventually I found out about 

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the cheating and And that's what
led infidelity on. 

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His behalf is what led to me 
finally deciding to go through 

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with the divorce or oldest was 
only nine months old and we are 

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still divorced, but I ended up 
taking him back four years after

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I had filed. 
And it was again because he was 

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trying to tell me that he wanted
his family back, and he was 

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crying to me, and he was telling
me he was going to change. 

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And then we went through another
stage of Love bombing again, and

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the day, Dates and that was my 
biggest regret was choosing 

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other woman over you. 
You know, I was just being 

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showered with all of this and in
the beginning I rejected his 

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Advance. 
It wasn't like it took them back

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easily. 
I denied him but he were there, 

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you know, giving yes. 
I think that's how I view it. 

224
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:55,400
Now, you know, taking a step 
back and analyzing everything 

225
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,600
and then for him to do the same 
thing again with multiple women.

226
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,600
In this time, this is baffling 
if that's so it's like an 

227
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,000
addiction like for them in my 
opinion it's almost like they 

228
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,600
want to see how far they get. 
I think for them, the drug is, 

229
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,900
this is just my opinion and then
there's of course there's a lot 

230
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,600
of nuances. 
It's almost like they see 

231
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,600
people's experiments righto, see
if I can get her back. 

232
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,200
Okay, well let's apply this, so 
she likes flowers. 

233
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,600
She likes Rings, she likes her. 
Favorite Italian restaurant or 

234
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,500
whatever, you know, ply ply 
those things say the right. 

235
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,200
Thing and then it's not even 
fall. 

236
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,900
Even stop seeing the other women
the whole time and then see how 

237
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:40,300
long they can stretch it out for
denial gaslighting, it's all in 

238
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:44,400
your head, you're crazy. 
All I would never do that, you 

239
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,400
know, the typical lines and then
they get caught how to wiggle 

240
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,700
out of it. 
It's just a real lack of 

241
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,100
empathy. 
You know this scene is it really

242
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,200
was. 
It's like I still don't get how 

243
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,600
you move on and then now there's
two kids involved and right? 

244
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,600
How that affects them. 
And so I probably played out to 

245
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,400
be honest of you is a key could 
afford the condo that we had at 

246
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,900
the time. 
So I moved back to my parents, 

247
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,900
which is where I'm currently at 
with both of my kids. 

248
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:17,200
And that's always been like a 
solid foundation for me. 

249
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,200
So I help take care of my 
parents. 

250
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,200
My dad's disabled, I'm probably 
doesn't want me to share it, but

251
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,300
I will. 
She's been battling cancer for 

252
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:31,100
the last year or so. 
Yeah, that's the topic of, you 

253
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:35,100
know, but I feel like I'm back 
here, you know, and it's a good 

254
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,100
good spot for me to be in. 
I'm content with my life. 

255
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:43,400
Now family is what's always been
there with these ups and downs 

256
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,100
with this relationship with this
man, which I am done with, you 

257
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:52,000
know, but at the time though, I 
was just in the feeling, you 

258
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,500
know, how everything is going. 
And then when all the lies and 

259
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,900
everything starts, and I start 
to look again and realized, 

260
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,700
We're going through the same 
cycle. 

261
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:05,100
Yeah, really becomes up to me if
I want to break that or just 

262
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,500
live with it, you know? 
Like I realized at that point, 

263
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:12,100
this man's not going to change. 
No, no talk to if the children 

264
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:15,400
involved to write. 
Because again, it could you give

265
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,900
more allowances because there's 
kids involved and then they use,

266
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:22,600
there's kids involved and use 
that at for their advantage. 

267
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,000
See that, you know, because he 
was asking to expand our family 

268
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,600
have another daughter or another
fun. 

269
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,500
So, Finally we had a talk about 
our second child. 

270
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,600
She wasn't like she was not like
an accident, it was intended, 

271
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,700
you know, like when you what 
we're doing and it was because 

272
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:43,300
he said that he wanted to try 
again with me, you know, and 

273
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:47,600
that's what we ended up doing. 
So we ended up having two kids 

274
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,200
after that eight year on and off
relationship. 

275
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:55,100
One of the things too that he 
tried to pull with me in 2020, 

276
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,000
as when I decided finally, that 
we were done. 

277
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,300
This is like about a year 
dealing with lies of different 

278
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,600
women and I still put up with 
it. 

279
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,500
And finally, I just decided I 
was done. 

280
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:12,300
I found these messages, he was 
texting somebody that we worked 

281
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,400
with and that was like the last 
straw for me, you know? 

282
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:20,200
And and so when I was leaving, 
he was trying to say he was 

283
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:26,900
going to commit suicide, okay, I
left him and I I told him like 

284
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,100
if that's the route that you 
feel, you need to With you need 

285
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:32,900
to talk to your friends and 
family but I'm not going to be a

286
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:36,500
part of that, you know. 
I felt like mental manipulation,

287
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,600
you know, it kind of leads me to
something that I brought up to 

288
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,700
you that I was going through 
recently actually. 

289
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:47,300
So that was back in 2020 and of 
course, since then, I've been 

290
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:51,700
dating, I've been having my fun.
I'm not gonna lie, you know, 

291
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:55,500
being a single woman enjoying 
enjoying life after a long 

292
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,900
relationships, the pandemic and,
you know, having to pretty 

293
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,300
Stressful day job, you know, 
part of them. 

294
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:06,500
Honestly, you going back to the 
job, my day, job itself. 

295
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,800
Apart of what I started doing 
was like, road-tripping places 

296
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,300
that my ex said that we were 
going to go together. 

297
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,200
I decided, why am I not taking 
myself to these places? 

298
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,900
Like I don't meet him, you know?
So I started to go out and road 

299
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,599
trip and I found a lot of 
empowerment. 

300
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:28,400
I grew up seeing my dad box so I
decided to take on boxing my own

301
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,600
You know, just trying to get 
better myself on physical, 

302
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,300
mental, and emotional elements 
from. 

303
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:41,100
So, I felt like I've been doing 
pretty, I'm pretty content. 

304
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:46,000
I've been doing pretty well 
since The Break-Up but that's 

305
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,500
part of the decompression. 
You. 

306
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,800
What do I do afterwards? 
I definitely do that music road 

307
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:55,000
trips, boxing. 
Taking my daughter's out because

308
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,700
there's only dumb, they see the 
world in a different light then.

309
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,300
Kids are therapeutic live little
kids to they felt me like, heal 

310
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,900
from a lot of stuff too. 
Yes, it's amazing, right? 

311
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:08,200
They really are as cliche as 
some people say, it sounds like 

312
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,900
they really do change your life 
and you see it there. 

313
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:14,200
Another perspective. 
That's part of the decompression

314
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:18,100
that I do do. 
And so now how I feel is like 

315
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:22,600
since being at the stage, I can 
already point out something that

316
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:27,000
I don't like, you know. 
So with this dating again I was 

317
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:31,900
just in a recent relationship. 
I was dating this person since 

318
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:35,900
October, but it was sorry like 
of 2022. 

319
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,800
Yes, 2022. 
So it's already been about at 

320
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,200
that point, like, about two 
years, I was single. 

321
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:46,100
So I started dating this person 
in October, and I didn't make it

322
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,900
official. 
There was a certain things, you 

323
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:51,000
know, I didn't make it official 
until December. 

324
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:55,300
Right. 
And biggest reason why I decided

325
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:59,900
to choose him was communication.
It was Ali good, you know, like 

326
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:03,900
even with my crazy night 
schedule where I work, 5 p.m. to

327
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:08,500
5:00 a.m. my time followership. 
Night-night time he was still 

328
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:13,000
managing to see me. 
Whether I was at my job or like,

329
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,200
going my breaks, I get breaks, 
but I can't leave the premises 

330
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:20,500
come and visit me making efforts
for communication. 

331
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,400
It was nice but we're no longer 
together. 

332
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:31,100
We only and biggest red flag was
I kind of feel like a change in 

333
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,500
his energy and he wasn't 
communicating with me as much. 

334
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,800
She was like, literally going 
long hours not even texting or 

335
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,700
calling. 
And I started to feel like 

336
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:45,800
something was wrong with him. 
And so I get this message out of

337
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,700
the blue that the past to drink 
the past two days were draining 

338
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:53,600
for him and he was going to tap 
out on life and he had given it 

339
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,600
a good run. 
So I don't know what to think of

340
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,000
that. 
Yes, right. 

341
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:58,700
He's sorry. 
Say that again. 

342
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:03,300
Last two days were draining word
training for him. 

343
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:09,300
Yes, and yes. 
So I'm absolutely vitally. 

344
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:13,300
I'd Elation or some yes, 
definitely suicidal ideation. 

345
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,600
He was going to tap out on life.
He said he did. 

346
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:21,300
He said it, I've given a good 
run, some naturally as a concern

347
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,700
girlfriend. 
I call him especially because 

348
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,900
we're only just approaching like
a month officially being 

349
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:29,200
together, but I was getting to 
know him for, right? 

350
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,300
It's October which is already 
like two months before that 

351
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,800
seems like we're getting to like
a three-month stage. 

352
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,900
Kind of getting to know each 
other better feel for each 

353
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:40,100
other. 
I call him and he answers the 

354
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:44,000
phone nonchalantly. 
Like if I'm overreacting that 

355
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,400
was a red flag for me Mark. 
Yeah. 

356
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,400
Yeah. 
I wouldn't like that either. 

357
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,000
You know, I it's for me, I got 
the manipulation and I say that 

358
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,900
because as you know, my job 
being a dispatcher, I get real 

359
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:59,100
calls of people that are going 
through suicidal ideation. 

360
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,300
Abnormal, psych, behavior 
training. 

361
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:07,600
So you get the people that are 
honestly on the call threatening

362
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:12,000
to kill themselves or you get 
the people that are concerned 

363
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,500
for this person and they're 
calling in because this person 

364
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:19,100
made a threat to to commit 
suicide. 

365
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,000
So to me, I don't play with 
that. 

366
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,800
I feel like mental health, the 
big thing, you know, it is we 

367
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:28,400
don't talk about it enough, but 
I felt like when I call you and 

368
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,800
I I just get the fact that it 
gets pointed back to me. 

369
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,800
Like I'm overreacting. 
Yeah and I felt like it was a 

370
00:21:36,808 --> 00:21:38,600
mental thing. 
Kind of like pay attention to 

371
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,900
me. 
That's how I felt but like I say

372
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,300
I'm not trying to throw him 
under the bus. 

373
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:46,900
I know that interaction is a 
weird interaction, then the 

374
00:21:46,908 --> 00:21:49,800
conversation kind of shifted 
because you know how I explain. 

375
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,500
Like I did move back to my 
parents but that's a some men 

376
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,900
will see before they get to know
me before. 

377
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:59,200
They know that I have a degree, 
I got approved for my business. 

378
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:01,900
This license here in Tucson. 
So now I have a business 

379
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:03,200
license. 
Thank you. 

380
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,000
I have the podcast which I'll 
talk about later, I'll go back 

381
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,500
to that, I just figured get 
right into. 

382
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,800
Yeah, no, I'm talking to you, 
right? 

383
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,700
And then I have the dispatcher 
job, you know, that I do. 

384
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:22,200
And I feel like I got a lot 
going for me. 

385
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,700
The one thing that I like in 
terms of Independence, honestly 

386
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:28,400
would be my own place. 
I let the narcissus keep that 

387
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,300
and he moved the other. 
Women with her kids, you know, 

388
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:35,300
is, of course. 
And yes, that's the story with 

389
00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:37,500
with the house. 
The condo that we used to live 

390
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,000
in. 
He kept it and the new families 

391
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,600
there. 
So, yeah, sad for the, to the 

392
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,600
torture, right? 
Right. 

393
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:50,400
And at this point now is going 
to also be the laughs is more 

394
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,900
like, Gallo humor laughs. 
If that makes sense, it does, it

395
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:55,800
does. 
I know you're not laughing at my

396
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,400
pain now, to me. 
Me. 

397
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,700
I felt like it was a spiteful 
move to try to hurt me but 

398
00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:06,200
because I didn't react like the 
way I did to everything. 

399
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,700
So when everything happened, 
when I was 23 because that's 

400
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:13,300
when I filed for divorce from 
him, remember I met him at 19, I

401
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:16,900
left them at 23. 
When I filed for divorce, I 

402
00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:19,700
still felt like I didn't really 
know how to react to certain 

403
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:24,200
things and he would get the 
satisfaction of me fighting with

404
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,200
the other woman. 
Yeah. 

405
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,700
Me fighting with him. 
Making it like, His Eagle Eagle.

406
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:31,400
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

407
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,700
It's all about their ego. 
The ego gratification. 

408
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:39,000
It's almost like I actually use 
like the kind of metaphor that I

409
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:44,100
think I think where the vampire 
myth those came from was a was 

410
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,000
narcissism because they drain 
you of your life for something 

411
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,300
but they do it in such a 
grandiose and that's what 

412
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:54,600
vampires are pretty grandiose 
and they drain you of your life 

413
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,800
force, right? 
I can see that. 

414
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,100
I like that that's how I feels. 
It does. 

415
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,600
If you get lost in their lies 
and then you forget who you are.

416
00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:04,500
Yeah. 
For sure. 

417
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,900
So the healing was rediscovering
myself. 

418
00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:11,800
Honestly that took a long time. 
That's why it took me probably 

419
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,600
two years before I entered a 
relationship. 

420
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,700
And then I get this weird text, 
you know, about tapping on a 

421
00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:24,700
life and maybe it is, you know. 
So to me, I ended that 

422
00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:27,300
relationship. 
I hope that he's doing good. 

423
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:30,200
I ended it, he was actually 
Ghosting me out. 

424
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,500
Actually, to be honest, that's 
why I ended it. 

425
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,700
So that's what weird phenomena 
that ghosting thing and the 

426
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:39,400
ghosting thing is such a coward,
way of handling, a handling 

427
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,000
things. 
See, I could see. 

428
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,000
Like, when you're first getting 
to know somebody online or 

429
00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:48,800
wherever you need them, most of 
the day's, it's online and they 

430
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,500
ghost you like, okay, you 
already know this person is now 

431
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,100
but yeah, I'm were actually 
dating. 

432
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,400
We're already like in person I 
had been to his place. 

433
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:02,700
He had met My parents you know 
and like about maybe the two 

434
00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:05,800
month marked I was like okay 
this is the person I'm seeing 

435
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,200
and we just made it official and
we're going to see how this goes

436
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:13,200
you know so we were ready at 
this point where we already 

437
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:17,100
established communication. 
We've been intimate with each 

438
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:20,700
other and then all of a sudden 
like you bring up this text 

439
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:24,000
message I call you. 
You think that I'm overreacting 

440
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,600
and then you start during that 
conversation, we're talking. 

441
00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:31,300
I was trying to see like I was 
wrong, you know, and he brought 

442
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:33,000
up this co-worker. 
I don't know. 

443
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,600
She's real or not. 
And the reason why it's sad that

444
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,600
I question that is because of my
ex it's sad. 

445
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,200
But like my narcissistic X makes
me question. 

446
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,200
A lot of things you don't like 
many people and I try not to 

447
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,600
bring in that baggage but at the
same time he brings up this 

448
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,400
co-worker that he starts 
bitching about and I'm like, 

449
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,100
wait we went from talking about 
like are you okay to now you're 

450
00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:56,000
opening up about something at 
work. 

451
00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:57,700
You're bringing up this 
co-worker. 

452
00:25:57,700 --> 00:26:01,800
This co-worker has it Kid lives 
with her mom and she parties 

453
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,900
every weekend. 
So I told him geez, like I'm 32 

454
00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:09,100
if people don't know my 
background, my back story and 

455
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:12,400
they just see me back at home 
with my two kids. 

456
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,200
I wonder what they think. 
You know, if I felt like it was 

457
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:21,400
indirectly like, insulting me, 
you know, it's kind of its kind 

458
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,100
of diverting. 
It's going to changing the 

459
00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,100
subject, right? 
You're trying to talk on fucking

460
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,600
serious and he's and bring it 
up, probably something that 

461
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:33,200
would be a Old bit like a little
bit provocative so to speak. 

462
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,700
You know what I mean? 
Hmm. 

463
00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:36,200
Yeah. 
Like oh I'm going to talk about 

464
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,000
some check instead of what we're
talking about, right? 

465
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:43,000
Yes, it was like that and to me 
was almost like what she to you 

466
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:43,900
though. 
You know what I mean? 

467
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,600
Like why does it bother you so 
much? 

468
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,200
That that's how she's living her
life. 

469
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,800
You know before you to shit on 
her life though. 

470
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,100
Like you know I feel like 
honestly we're all works in 

471
00:26:53,100 --> 00:26:55,300
progress. 
Will you let her be live her 

472
00:26:55,300 --> 00:26:57,100
life? 
What does that have to do with 

473
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:58,800
you? 
And I am me checking in on your 

474
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,500
mental. 
I'll help though, you know, 

475
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:05,300
yeah, everything you feel okay? 
May I ask a question that so do 

476
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:08,900
you feel that your readers have 
been off? 

477
00:27:08,900 --> 00:27:11,800
Because he been through all this
stuff and then sometimes you 

478
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,700
might be by be over-analytical 
to some guys. 

479
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,100
It does. 
It does. 

480
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:18,200
I feel like that's definitely a 
case. 

481
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,000
I definitely was left with a lot
of trust issues. 

482
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:26,100
I might be half. 
I feel like I'm standing by and 

483
00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:29,000
leaving this last relationship. 
Everything was good. 

484
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:35,000
Until that weird communication 
and the the suicidal ideation, I

485
00:27:35,008 --> 00:27:38,400
felt like it was a little bit of
mental instability, but I also 

486
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,900
felt like it was a little bit of
mental manipulation. 

487
00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:43,900
You know how many probably sets 
it to die? 

488
00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:47,700
You're probably sensitive. 
Someone using a game or some 

489
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,900
kind of the if you're probably 
would be okay if someone was 

490
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:54,000
really straight with you, and 
maybe on the blunt side and even

491
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,800
if it's a little blood rudeness 
rather than someone playing 

492
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,200
games and yeah, Yeah, it had a 
story. 

493
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:03,600
Yeah. 
Honestly I would prefer that 

494
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,000
like that. 
I like that too. 

495
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,600
I was researching something 
interesting because I've been 

496
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,200
doing like a lot of deep 
research on narcissism 

497
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,900
psychopath. 
They call it dark Triad right 

498
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,500
when you met him. 
And most of the people that I've

499
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:21,100
talked to, most of the women, 
I've talked to when they talk 

500
00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:25,100
about their narcissistic abuse 
of axes, they all met them 

501
00:28:25,100 --> 00:28:28,000
young. 
They can be taken an easy by 

502
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,700
nurses or a Go past because they
appear very confident. 

503
00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:34,500
They appear very confident in 
their abilities and confident 

504
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,900
their life. 
They even paint a great facade. 

505
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,700
We're older women don't tend to 
be taken by them because they 

506
00:28:39,700 --> 00:28:44,100
look past the the confidence 
that they present to a young 

507
00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:45,600
woman. 
Those things appear as 

508
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,400
confidence, especially if the 
guys, her age are all like dip 

509
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,200
shits playing video games. 
Yeah, getting skateboarding. 

510
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,000
And you know, nothing wrong 
skateboarding. 

511
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,400
But you know guys do mature 
slower than women. 

512
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:59,400
Yeah. 
So as you get older and He's my 

513
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,100
brought her up as you get older 
and dealing with this kind of 

514
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:05,400
next person you're seeing 
through the manipulation 

515
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,400
earlier. 
Because I bet if your ex did 

516
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,700
that a long time ago, early in 
one month relationship you'd be 

517
00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:13,600
freaking oh my God are you okay 
baby? 

518
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,700
What's going on? 
Didn't react like that and 

519
00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:19,100
that's what flea was probably 
expecting. 

520
00:29:19,100 --> 00:29:21,300
Oh, my God. 
Baby, what's going on? 

521
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:32,100
Yeah. 
Lester response. 

522
00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:35,300
And then, is that make sense? 
That it does, that makes perfect

523
00:29:35,300 --> 00:29:36,900
sense. 
Honestly, I feel like I've been 

524
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,700
through a lot of things with my 
ex, you know where if somebody 

525
00:29:40,700 --> 00:29:43,400
tells me that the sky is blue, 
it's sad, but I'm going to go 

526
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,800
check this is, I don't see those
guys blue. 

527
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,800
I'm gonna go see his it really 
blew, you know. 

528
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,800
Okay, then it's sad. 
It's really sad, like, I hate to

529
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,300
admit that I have that much 
trust issues myself. 

530
00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:59,800
I do feel like in this case 
like, Like the way you said. 

531
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:05,000
So, when he and I met, he he 
came off with the fact that he 

532
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,500
had done some tours in 
Afghanistan. 

533
00:30:08,900 --> 00:30:14,900
He had been in the Air Force, he
had gone through long-term 

534
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:17,400
relationship. 
So he knew what a relationship 

535
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,700
consisted of. 
If I was interested in taking 

536
00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:23,300
that path with him. 
Yes, it was a lot of things like

537
00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:25,800
that. 
Well salesman, you know what I 

538
00:30:25,808 --> 00:30:30,400
mean? 
Pretty like, wow. 

539
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:37,000
Sometimes you can relationships 
will, you know, it was, I was in

540
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,800
the beginning. 
Honestly, I was just looking to 

541
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,800
to mess around. 
I'm not gonna lie to you, like I

542
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,000
was 19 like, and then I get free
liquor out of this. 

543
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,000
And then I had moved out. 
I moved out of my place when I 

544
00:30:50,008 --> 00:30:53,900
was like 20. 
Yeah, I think like 19 gonna be 

545
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:55,700
20. 
I moved out. 

546
00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:58,900
So here I was my family. 
Didn't approve that. 

547
00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:02,300
That, but, you know, I'm going 
updating, gotta let go, you 

548
00:31:02,300 --> 00:31:04,500
know. 
So here I was like every 

549
00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:09,200
weekend, having my boyfriend 
over and some ways just like, 

550
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,800
when we were first dating, my 
family had this rule like, you 

551
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:16,000
know, he could come over, but if
he sleeps over, there is no sex 

552
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,400
in the house. 
Yeah. 

553
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,300
In this segment LED, he can 
sleep in the living room, you 

554
00:31:20,300 --> 00:31:22,800
sleep in your room and that's 
how it was. 

555
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:27,400
So, and I'm like, 19, this 
newfound freedom because I just 

556
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:31,300
moved out and into like, An 
apartment, a townhome, a 

557
00:31:31,308 --> 00:31:33,200
two-story townhome with my 
cousin. 

558
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,100
So here I am having the whole 
downstairs to myself. 

559
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,700
Remembering a boyfriend out 
party party. 

560
00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:42,100
Exactly, he could bring the 
alcohol, I don't have to worry 

561
00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:46,900
about getting a fake ID. 
Yeah, I've been, yeah, the 

562
00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:50,000
deadly have benefits, and then 
it was like, you know, the 

563
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,700
intimacy, the sex every weekend,
because I wasn't allowed to have

564
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:55,900
that. 
So here I was like indulged in 

565
00:31:55,900 --> 00:32:00,200
the freedom of that. 
And not Seeing all the signs 

566
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,600
though you know? 
Because I was so caught up in 

567
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:03,800
that feeling. 
Yeah. 

568
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,300
And also young, you haven't you 
haven't been through that yet, 

569
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:08,800
right? 
But he's exactly like, for 

570
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,900
example, like these things are 
going to jump out at you a lot 

571
00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:16,100
harder than they were before 
because you seeing this and oh 

572
00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:19,500
my God, and they also cost you, 
they cost you, you know, 

573
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,200
financially going through 
divorce court which is never fun

574
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,700
and the impact on your children.
So you now understand the 

575
00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:31,000
implications of, you know, 
Certain behaviors and where they

576
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,400
can lead, right? 
It's different if you're just a 

577
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,700
boy and a girl or a man and a 
woman together. 

578
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:41,200
You don't have any other outside
responsibilities but kids and 

579
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,200
you know your career job and 
other things that can have an 

580
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,200
impact. 
Right. 

581
00:32:45,300 --> 00:32:47,000
Exactly. 
Mark, I feel like I grew up a 

582
00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,900
lot with everything I went 
through with the narcissistic X 

583
00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:54,400
and it was just a lot of mental 
manipulation but me having to 

584
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,700
see it for myself, you know, and
starting to realize that. 

585
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,900
So now coming into To this new 
relationship that I was just in 

586
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:06,200
and realizing the communication 
was a lot better than it was 

587
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,500
with certain guys that I was 
meeting online. 

588
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,200
You know? 
So I felt like okay, that's a 

589
00:33:12,208 --> 00:33:15,800
big thing to me for sure. 
I want somebody that has the 

590
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,500
open and clear. 
Intentions. 

591
00:33:17,700 --> 00:33:20,600
That's not. 
Wait, I'm, you know, like, you 

592
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:24,000
know, we're not getting any 
younger per se, but also the 

593
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,600
fact that I also have two 
daughters were above. 

594
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,100
So like, what do you really 
want? 

595
00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:30,700
What are you expecting? 
Is this your physical? 

596
00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:35,200
Do you want a relationship? 
And so for me to choose this 

597
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:40,400
person and then all of a sudden 
get this whole like sense of 

598
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,500
mental instability. 
That was just triggered because 

599
00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:45,800
he was not like that the 
previous week then all of a 

600
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:50,200
sudden he pulled away and 
instead of me chasing after it 

601
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:54,400
was more so making that drastic 
that this is how I see it, 

602
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,700
making the DraStic text. 
And again, I'm not talking bad 

603
00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:01,300
about mental health because Has 
no no transport patients all the

604
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:05,100
time like this, you know, I have
to send units out for people 

605
00:34:05,100 --> 00:34:06,900
that are going to suicidal 
ideation. 

606
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:10,500
So it's not me being insensitive
but I felt like this was just a 

607
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:13,600
ploy to try to get me to react 
in a certain way. 

608
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,300
And it's like the way you said, 
everything that I've gone 

609
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:19,500
through kind of pulls me away 
from giving you that reaction. 

610
00:34:19,699 --> 00:34:22,699
Yeah, for sure. 
That makes complete sense and 

611
00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:26,800
and like, I get it's something 
that you shouldn't play around 

612
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,600
with. 
It's not as much a relationship 

613
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,100
especially The new relationship,
it's, it's unfortunate that I 

614
00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:35,699
believe that lot of men and 
women don't know how to talk to 

615
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:38,100
each other. 
With again, again, I'm a little 

616
00:34:38,100 --> 00:34:41,300
bit on the blunt side and 
sometimes that kind of rubs 

617
00:34:41,300 --> 00:34:44,500
people the wrong way, but at 
least I'm not full of shit, 

618
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:48,300
right? 
Not going to actually brings me 

619
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:52,600
to an episode that I did on my 
podcast where it was about only 

620
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,100
fans and finesse. 
I feel like there's a lot of 

621
00:34:56,100 --> 00:35:00,400
finesse these days. 
I think that some women are 

622
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:05,500
trying to be on this independent
level, but they don't have a 

623
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,600
problem. 
Milking a man for money, so to 

624
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,500
speak. 
So you get women like that, you 

625
00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:12,600
know, that they'd rather spend 
your money then spend theirs for

626
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:13,700
sure. 
Yes, absolutely. 

627
00:35:13,700 --> 00:35:17,900
There's always one that's 
hilarious. 

628
00:35:17,900 --> 00:35:20,600
It's on Tick-Tock and it's this 
poor bastard, right? 

629
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,600
He's like, takes this girl out 
on her birthday and she's like, 

630
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,500
16 friends with her and he's 
like, I gotta pay for everybody.

631
00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:32,100
Like to do that. 
That is a taken advantage. 

632
00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:35,200
I would you mind again from? 
Do you mind if I take a few 

633
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,600
friends, baby? 
The Secreto that 16th girls show

634
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,400
up they're probably all over him
like a porterhouse steak prime 

635
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:47,400
rib and cheesecake and odor you 
know or there's the one where 

636
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:53,000
the check is like she wants him 
to pay for takeout meals to feed

637
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,500
or kid on a date. 
Yes, I've heard of that too. 

638
00:35:56,700 --> 00:35:59,800
Yeah, I feel like I'm mixed 
About certain things. 

639
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,800
See, the way you said, like, if 
you're making money off of it, 

640
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,600
who am I to knock that? 
Like, I wish I had only fans. 

641
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,800
Money would not doing the old 
leaf and stuff. 

642
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:11,800
We're only friends all my family
or friends finding out. 

643
00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:14,200
Yeah, but here's the thing 
though to. 

644
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:20,800
I'm also like on the fence about
women that honestly, it's sad to

645
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,100
say but feed the full as 
fantasies, you know, like they 

646
00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:26,900
know what they're doing. 
There's this thing that I refer 

647
00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:30,100
to where I call it power of the 
pussy, A woman can know how to 

648
00:36:30,100 --> 00:36:35,200
manipulate with her physical, is
she so chooses, you know, and 

649
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,900
makeup filters lighting, they 
can do a lot. 

650
00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:40,600
These days we are no women. 
I've seen it too. 

651
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:45,500
Like movie sets and extra stuff.
And there was this girl, and she

652
00:36:45,508 --> 00:36:48,500
said, oh the model and she was 
very plain and she had her book.

653
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:51,400
Her pictures were amazing, 
right? 

654
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:55,600
Isn't it with makeup and they 
can really transform, but we can

655
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,800
see her sitting there. 
She does look like the mouse. 

656
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,200
He is Guru average. 
Girl you did, you know, stole? 

657
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,400
Yeah. 
You know, it's amazing. 

658
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,700
What makeup and you know, and 
outfits, and hair extensions. 

659
00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:08,700
And he'll I say that about 
myself, too. 

660
00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:12,300
I feel like there are some like,
pictures that I've had up on my 

661
00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:15,800
Instagram or Snapchat and it's 
what this generation will call 

662
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,300
their strap. 
Like, you know, you look good in

663
00:37:18,300 --> 00:37:21,100
that photo because you got the 
right angle, you got the right 

664
00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:23,500
one, that's the makeup hair, all
that stuff. 

665
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,500
You did all that, but then in 
real life, when you look at me 

666
00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:28,800
like on an average day like that
can't be the right game. 

667
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,900
So I don't even judge those 
event on that. 

668
00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:35,600
It's the first like, now trying 
to pull this men for money. 

669
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,200
Like what can I get out of this 
man? 

670
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,400
Can I get a car? 
Can I get a hell? 

671
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,900
Yeah, there are some women like 
that. 

672
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,800
So that's, that's my take on it.
I'm kind of torn. 

673
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:49,000
Like if you're well, you know, I
look at it, right? 

674
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,100
It comes down to if the guy 
knows what's all about. 

675
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:55,300
Like, for example, let's say I'm
80 years old and I'm a 

676
00:37:55,300 --> 00:37:58,000
billionaire. 
I hit it big in the oil industry

677
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,100
or whatever, right? 
Right? 

678
00:37:59,100 --> 00:38:01,900
And the oil features on the 
stock market and now I'm a 

679
00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:04,300
billionaire. 
I'm 80 years old, and I marry 

680
00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:05,700
someone who's 20 that looks 
like. 

681
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:10,600
Anna Nicole Smith, but do I 
really think that she's in love 

682
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,400
with me really? 
You know what I mean? 

683
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,200
Of course. 
Not buying her shit and you 

684
00:38:14,207 --> 00:38:16,100
know, buying her. 
You know, that's again a Nicole 

685
00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:19,300
Smith remarried that Howard 
Marshall, he was 80 years old in

686
00:38:19,308 --> 00:38:21,700
a wheelchair. 
You know there's certain words 

687
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:25,100
this completes plainly obvious, 
what the relationships are all 

688
00:38:25,100 --> 00:38:26,800
about. 
He's getting arm. 

689
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,500
Candy is 80 years old probably 
Every day above ground for him. 

690
00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:32,800
He's happy, he's probably cool 
with video. 

691
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,500
You know what I mean? 
But when I see someone's like 

692
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:38,500
young and dumb guys, her, I'll 
tell you a funny story. 

693
00:38:38,700 --> 00:38:40,900
So, there was this guy when I 
went to, when I was taking my 

694
00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:46,100
team and most of the guys I took
it with her pretty nerdy and 

695
00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:52,500
this guy, he was amazing graphic
designer but very nerdy and 

696
00:38:52,700 --> 00:38:55,600
probably, I would even guess, 
probably a virgin Soul even in 

697
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:56,800
his twenties. 
Right? 

698
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,400
Late twenties boat 25. 
Fish 25-ish, right? 

699
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,500
I'm guessing, right? 
So he meets a woman online and 

700
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:08,300
she asked him to come over 
because she's if she depart 

701
00:39:08,300 --> 00:39:10,200
because they're partying and 
stuff. 

702
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,900
And it's a very straight-laced 
kid. 

703
00:39:12,900 --> 00:39:15,400
He smoked weed, but I didn't do 
Coke or anything. 

704
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,300
And she said, oh if you bring 
Coke while we're going to have 

705
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:20,600
such a crazy party, blah, blah 
blah. 

706
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:23,900
So he's phoning around everyone 
to finally, find someone who can

707
00:39:23,900 --> 00:39:27,700
get him, some all thinking, he's
going to have this great hook up

708
00:39:27,700 --> 00:39:31,300
with this check. 
Yes, to the woman's house. 

709
00:39:31,300 --> 00:39:33,100
She says nothing can just come 
on. 

710
00:39:33,100 --> 00:39:37,900
In first thing she asked, you 
got the drugs, he pulls him out.

711
00:39:37,900 --> 00:39:40,700
Pulls him out. 
Two dudes, come over. 

712
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,800
They ignore him. 
They all do the drugs and ignore

713
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:47,100
him until he feels so 
uncomfortable and leaves. 

714
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,700
You know, so there's like, 
that's an outrageous are. 

715
00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:53,600
All right, so that's just a 
pure, you know, sake. 

716
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,600
Say he thinks he's getting 
pussy, he's just getting ripped 

717
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,600
off, right? 
And he's lucky that I got beaten

718
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,100
up. 
If he could have gotten together

719
00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:02,800
worse or robbed or, you know, 
search for stories like that. 

720
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,000
So when it's like this, like 
criminality, you know, it's 

721
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,700
pretty pretty like, obviously 
blatant. 

722
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:13,500
It goes both ways on both sexes.
He say, you know, women and men 

723
00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:17,300
car eat both be equally as 
scandalous, of course, right? 

724
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:20,500
When I drink better married and 
even though they know that 

725
00:40:20,500 --> 00:40:22,900
there's a wife at home, they're 
they're out for dinner with 

726
00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:26,100
them, they're having drinks or 
hooking up at hotel rooms, you 

727
00:40:26,107 --> 00:40:28,000
know, when they know that the 
guys married, right? 

728
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,600
So, When someone cheats on you, 
they they probably know about 

729
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,900
you, right? 
You know, but actually for my 

730
00:40:34,900 --> 00:40:41,300
understanding I did get to meet 
the other woman from the first 

731
00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:43,600
time. 
So you know, when when I 

732
00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:48,500
divorced we went I think it was 
like nine years. 

733
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:49,500
Finally. 
Yeah. 

734
00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:51,100
After nine years. 
Yeah, her. 

735
00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:55,700
And I decided to actually talk 
about things, which is crazy 

736
00:40:55,700 --> 00:40:58,700
because like, for the longest 
time, my family was under the 

737
00:40:58,700 --> 00:41:01,800
impression Martian. 
And I was to like, you know, I 

738
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,700
didn't like this, go like I was 
gonna fight her if I ever met 

739
00:41:04,700 --> 00:41:08,000
her and it was just all those 
negative feelings, but it was 

740
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,600
finally us just talking about 
things, we're not friends, we're

741
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,300
not acquaintances. 
But we actually just sat and 

742
00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:17,800
talked about a lot of the 
similar experiences that we went

743
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:21,000
through with him. 
And it was just, you could see 

744
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,100
it, you know, the narcissistic 
cycle that you went through with

745
00:41:24,100 --> 00:41:29,300
the same, obviously the interest
will change now with her He was 

746
00:41:29,300 --> 00:41:32,900
into his these certain things 
that he was an into a me Harry 

747
00:41:32,900 --> 00:41:35,100
Potter. 
For instance, he thought Harry 

748
00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:37,900
Potter was nerdy when I said I 
was into it but now all of a 

749
00:41:37,900 --> 00:41:40,700
sudden this girl that he cheated
on me with was into Harry 

750
00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:42,300
Potter. 
So now he's the biggest Harry 

751
00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:47,700
Potter fan would like to change 
his change his spots for whoever

752
00:41:47,700 --> 00:41:49,600
he is with, you know, that's 
quite common. 

753
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,400
I heard because it's like the 
person you fall in love with his

754
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:56,800
actually, a composite built on 
you, you know what I mean, they 

755
00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:00,000
take pieces that things that you
Like and you're finding 

756
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,100
important to them and then and 
it's like they create this, it's

757
00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:06,600
almost like call it like a 
Frankenstein character. 

758
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,100
You know, it feels like that. 
It does. 

759
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,500
What did he get closure talking 
to her? 

760
00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:14,100
Or did to hide? 
I did actually it was weird 

761
00:42:14,100 --> 00:42:17,700
because a lot of people I got 
some criticism from family, 

762
00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:19,700
calling it a weak moment of 
mine. 

763
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,400
I don't think so either. 
Honestly, I think I'm brave, you

764
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,800
know. 
Yeah. 

765
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:30,300
Considering the fact that I was 
gonna like me and this girl Hey 

766
00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:35,600
give my lips so I don't blame 
you though but yeah it's a lot 

767
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,100
of emotions right? 
It's a lot of like this is the 

768
00:42:38,100 --> 00:42:41,000
person that helped fuck me over 
so to speak scuse me. 

769
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,100
Yes that's how I felt like. 
But then I wanted her to see now

770
00:42:44,100 --> 00:42:48,700
like I've become so much of a 
stronger version of myself 

771
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:54,100
because of the stuff that I went
through with her and my ex and I

772
00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:58,300
think she totally got, you know,
that I am not even trying to 

773
00:42:58,300 --> 00:43:02,500
fight about Him, you know, he's 
not even, you know, that's kind 

774
00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:04,700
of some of the vibe that I stuck
with but also the sense of 

775
00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:09,700
closure in the sense that it she
was a thorn in my side and he 

776
00:43:09,700 --> 00:43:12,800
always me that, you know, that 
one that always got to me where 

777
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,200
he knew that. 
If anything, he could always use

778
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,800
her as like, a mental 
manipulation to make me feel 

779
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,200
less about myself. 
So, when I finally have the 

780
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:25,600
courage to speak to her and say,
that I'm not mad about the past 

781
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,800
anymore, I forgiven it, I 
haven't forgotten it, but 

782
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,500
Forgiving and it's for myself. 
So I don't hold this resentment 

783
00:43:32,500 --> 00:43:37,800
because resentments a poison you
know, you let that sit stay in 

784
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,000
you that poison will just take 
you down. 

785
00:43:40,100 --> 00:43:43,200
You know it was absolutely it 
could eat away at you then it 

786
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:47,600
could make you in a moment of 
you know High emotionality. 

787
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,100
It can make you snap to right? 
Nick Cannon, you know so I 

788
00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:53,900
wanted to let her know I wasn't 
on that type of energy, wasn't 

789
00:43:53,900 --> 00:43:57,600
on that type of vibe anymore. 
That did those not make me and 

790
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,100
her friends or Acquaintances 
even. 

791
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:04,200
And that was laid out clearly as
well, but it let her know like, 

792
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,700
I, you know, you guys don't 
bother me anymore to that extent

793
00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:12,300
were like, I'm putting so much 
time and energy into hating you 

794
00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:14,800
and him. 
Like, I felt like I could 

795
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:19,300
reinvest that energy into 
progressing myself into being a 

796
00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:23,000
better version of myself, 
honestly, you know, like, you 

797
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:26,400
know, just say they create a 
wake of destruction of people 

798
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,800
that they met theft over 
sometimes it's business. 

799
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:32,300
Partners and it's their own 
family, and course 

800
00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:34,100
relationships. 
And usually, they're in there 

801
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:37,800
and ultimately their kids, their
can eventually, we'll see 

802
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,800
through them and then they'll 
have, they won't have that 

803
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,200
relationship. 
One of the things I always say 

804
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,800
to some of them it's like, Well,
in 30 years have fun at the old 

805
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,300
age home, you know, we can see 
you could think about all your 

806
00:44:48,300 --> 00:44:51,300
victories and all your choices. 
You can sit there and the old 

807
00:44:51,300 --> 00:44:54,800
age home and no one visits you. 
And you can thump your chest of 

808
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,600
how you're the winner, right? 
And everyone else in the Luther 

809
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,600
because that's why ultimately 
Lee they end for them there, 

810
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,900
you're going to be isolated that
Coach Lee. 

811
00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:05,800
One of the tactics they use and 
no one's going to give a shit 

812
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,500
about them anymore, you know, 
because they burnt all those 

813
00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:11,200
bridges and and you don't 
actually really have to do 

814
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,000
anything to them because they'll
do it to themselves because 

815
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,300
that's what they do, right? 
They burn Bridges and they hurt 

816
00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:19,800
people. 
I really feel that I feel that 

817
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,900
that's true. 
That's not even my like you know

818
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,100
the way you said like I don't 
even to do it this time in my 

819
00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:28,400
aspiration for him but it's how 
I foresee things playing out for

820
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:32,300
sure. 
You know, I feel like the best 

821
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,600
we could talk about Karma or 
Revenge the best Karma revenge 

822
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:40,800
for me was making myself more 
successful you know and putting 

823
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:42,600
all that energy into bringing 
him down. 

824
00:45:42,900 --> 00:45:46,300
It's almost like if I put all 
that energy into bringing him 

825
00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:49,500
down then in a sense he still 
wins you know. 

826
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:54,500
So I mean they love to play the 
victim so abuse do. 

827
00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:57,000
If they tend to do things 
publicly? 

828
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:01,800
I had an ex that was she was the
Queen of the public, you know. 

829
00:46:01,900 --> 00:46:05,400
Embarrassing. 
Oh my God, like he's in a 

830
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,800
crowded restaurant to be 
freaking out of the table. 

831
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,700
She would drive you. 
So not so finally, when you 

832
00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:14,600
snapped, then people are looking
at you like, are you crazy? 

833
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,900
So then you realize playing 
their game. 

834
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:19,400
You then then then what happens?
I do them both great. 

835
00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:22,200
No, no no, I'm not. 
I'm not the crazy one and the 

836
00:46:22,207 --> 00:46:25,500
more you try to convince people,
you're not the crazy one, guess 

837
00:46:25,500 --> 00:46:28,100
what you? 
If you're crazy, right? 

838
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:31,200
That's what I'm saying. 
The best thing to do is be the 

839
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,900
best version of yourself, they 
can't take that away from you 

840
00:46:33,900 --> 00:46:37,200
and they try to that's the thing
they try to when they can they 

841
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,500
see you succeeding. 
You know ultimately living a 

842
00:46:40,508 --> 00:46:43,900
better life than them in your 
especially with the kids, you 

843
00:46:43,908 --> 00:46:44,600
know? 
Nice. 

844
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,800
Yeah. 
Touching on what you said. 

845
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,500
I feel like that's the 
satisfaction that they get the 

846
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:52,000
satisfaction of seeing your 
reaction you know. 

847
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:56,900
And and for me to go through 
this second time with no 

848
00:46:56,900 --> 00:46:59,700
reaction, you know, I'm not 
going to Fight with this other 

849
00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:04,100
woman, you can live your life 
with her and I live my own life.

850
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:08,500
I think honestly, so to speak 
that hurt his ego more than 

851
00:47:08,500 --> 00:47:10,300
anything. 
Just the fact that I'm not out 

852
00:47:10,300 --> 00:47:13,300
here with the other woman, the 
first woman, the one that I went

853
00:47:13,300 --> 00:47:17,700
to go actually meet after nine 
years and tried to just lay out 

854
00:47:17,700 --> 00:47:20,000
my closure to me. 
She could take it and process it

855
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,400
how she wants but I processed it
my way and I know the good about

856
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:28,700
how I closed that chapter but 
with her it was like this. 

857
00:47:28,900 --> 00:47:31,400
Post. 
So that was a crazy thing to 

858
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:35,500
like, she went up on this 
website which is like a bashing 

859
00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:39,300
website and so the way that the 
narrative was written for the 

860
00:47:39,300 --> 00:47:42,600
Post where they were talking 
about her made it seem like if I

861
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:48,100
wrote it like definitely a 
scorned woman with the guy that 

862
00:47:48,100 --> 00:47:51,900
she's with now you get what I 
mean so I don't know I never put

863
00:47:51,900 --> 00:47:56,200
that post up I wouldn't be 
surprised if even he did it, you

864
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,400
know what I mean? 
Like it's questionable like if 

865
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,000
he Actually, well they can be 
quite slippery. 

866
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,300
You know, it's funny. 
They could be quite yeah, slimy 

867
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:08,200
and they're there, nothing would
surprise me, that's how I feel. 

868
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:11,500
And so now this post goes viral 
while they're dating and me and 

869
00:48:11,500 --> 00:48:13,400
him. 
I just filed for divorce 

870
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:17,000
actually and so this post goes 
viral about her being a 

871
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,800
homewrecker. 
And so a lot of people in our 

872
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:23,600
town of Tucson - there's like a 
million of us in the city, so 

873
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:27,000
it's like a little big town. 
Somebody can do somebody here. 

874
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,500
Yeah. 
And so, This post goes viral of 

875
00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:33,900
her and people start talking 
shit about me. 

876
00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:37,900
I'm like, wait a minute like 
they were probably like oh, the 

877
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,200
bitter baby. 
Mama that was an image. 

878
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:43,800
That I was given that our baby 
mama, the sport ex-wife. 

879
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,100
She did this. 
You know. 

880
00:48:45,700 --> 00:48:50,300
So silly me was only like twenty
three but I went on to defend 

881
00:48:50,300 --> 00:48:54,300
myself from this and that just 
fell into it more. 

882
00:48:54,900 --> 00:48:58,700
I did take the bait, you know, 
and so now coming around this 

883
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:03,000
This second time with this same 
person and going through 

884
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,200
experiences like that it's like 
I don't even want to give you a 

885
00:49:05,207 --> 00:49:08,100
reaction because that's the 
satisfaction you're looking for 

886
00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:14,300
you know you know make you crazy
then point the finger like this 

887
00:49:14,300 --> 00:49:18,900
grandiose of that they are just 
so deserving and entitled to 

888
00:49:18,900 --> 00:49:23,800
more of your feelings and the 
inconvenience you felt so not a 

889
00:49:23,808 --> 00:49:26,000
big deal like what are you going
on about? 

890
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:31,000
So seriously You know, mother, 
we talk about that. 

891
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:35,100
My exes to call himself an onyx 
God and I was like, stop. 

892
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:39,600
Yes, that's like the love of 
narcissistic. 

893
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,700
Yeah, the grandiose always gets 
to me. 

894
00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:45,000
Like they're trying to 
self-importance away. 

895
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,000
Then when you analyze, it's 
okay. 

896
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,000
What have you really done? 
That's besides talk about the 

897
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,600
great and I've been posting some
interviews, like either, you 

898
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,800
probably don't know this person 
but in Canada, this is was Paul.

899
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,900
Bernardo was a serial killer in 
Canada, who, Ooh, dated a girl. 

900
00:49:59,900 --> 00:50:01,900
He was 25. 
She was 17. 

901
00:50:02,300 --> 00:50:07,000
He convinced her with her help 
together to murder her own 

902
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,500
sister. 
Like it's one of the worst 

903
00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:12,800
serial killers in Canada. 
Like he's the he's the some 

904
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,500
monster and he was a serial 
rapist and stuff. 

905
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,800
He's a psychopath obviously but 
he's very on the narcissistic 

906
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,500
scale and there's a interview I 
posted on my podcast and it's 

907
00:50:23,500 --> 00:50:27,700
important to see because he is 
like the the textbook 

908
00:50:27,700 --> 00:50:30,600
narcissist. 
He's Well put together he's very

909
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,300
sitting there. 
He's very cool. 

910
00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:34,800
He's very Collective. 
He's with seasoned homicide 

911
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:39,200
detectives and he's so 
compelling and so convincing 

912
00:50:39,300 --> 00:50:43,000
he's telling the cops on you 
guys are the lies, he he control

913
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:47,200
of the conversation and it's 
just talking circles around. 

914
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:51,500
These coffees are like seasoned 
homicide cops, but my point is 

915
00:50:51,500 --> 00:50:54,700
it's like can you imagine being 
in a relationship with him 

916
00:50:55,100 --> 00:50:58,900
anything you say he'll just you 
know, you'd this talk such Rolls

917
00:50:58,900 --> 00:51:01,100
around you. 
And and then that's the 

918
00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:03,600
Monstrous is that they, they can
almost out. 

919
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:07,000
Talk anyone, they could talk 
their way out anything, like, I 

920
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,900
had a friend Kevin, why 
Mitchell, my podcast, he got 

921
00:51:10,900 --> 00:51:14,100
caught breaking into a 
restaurant when it was closed 

922
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,400
and he did this. 
Sobbing cry, baby story to the 

923
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,200
cops that he was a starving and 
sorry for doing. 

924
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,700
And he only wanted a break even 
though he was looking for Booze,

925
00:51:23,700 --> 00:51:26,800
but he told the cops that, oh, I
just wanted something to eat. 

926
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,700
They felt sorry for him and 
drove him home. 

927
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,600
And then the next day they catch
them again. 

928
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:34,100
Breaking then somewhere else but
there's my point, right? 

929
00:51:34,100 --> 00:51:38,000
Like the ability to manipulate 
his, you can underestimate them,

930
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,400
so it takes you a while to get 
through. 

931
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:44,200
So, when you're at 19, you know,
you almost you can't be hard on 

932
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,300
yourself for how you reacted to 
them and all the buttons they 

933
00:51:47,300 --> 00:51:50,000
got pushed because again, you 
know, these people are, you 

934
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,700
know, if you probably went back 
to all his girlfriend's, all the

935
00:51:52,700 --> 00:51:55,800
going back to his 15, they 
probably all have the same 

936
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,400
story. 
They probably do, you know what 

937
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,300
I saw? 
Need to realize too, is like 

938
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:04,900
there was as girlfriend right 
before me, I won't drop her 

939
00:52:04,900 --> 00:52:10,900
name, but she was like about two
years older than me like a year 

940
00:52:10,900 --> 00:52:15,200
or two older than me. 
And she was the girlfriend prior

941
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,600
to me, so right before I got 
with him. 

942
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:22,400
So here I was like 19 and she's 
like 20 and she saw these 

943
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:25,800
pictures go up of the promise 
ring that he had given me. 

944
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,700
This is on MySpace and she 
comments And says that looks 

945
00:52:29,700 --> 00:52:33,100
like the ring that you gave me 
can't be giving girls Downs. 

946
00:52:33,300 --> 00:52:36,100
So obviously liked young. 
Me is going to get flared up and

947
00:52:36,100 --> 00:52:37,600
I'm going to fight with him, you
know. 

948
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:41,000
And yeah, the story to talk 
himself out of that, you know. 

949
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:41,900
Right. 
Right. 

950
00:52:41,900 --> 00:52:44,400
Yeah always. 
He was always like that he could

951
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:48,400
get caught cheating and there 
was still some way that it got 

952
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:53,900
flipped around to me and reading
it and how dare you? 

953
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,700
Yes, it was like that. 
How dare you look through my 

954
00:52:56,700 --> 00:53:00,700
stuff like and I'm like, excuse 
See, like how do you do this 

955
00:53:00,700 --> 00:53:05,000
with somebody, you know, and the
thing that people ask I guess or

956
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:09,400
don't understand is like, how do
you allow yourself to go through

957
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:13,700
all that, you know? 
And I think that they don't went

958
00:53:13,700 --> 00:53:15,800
until you're in that situation. 
You don't understand the 

959
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:19,600
complexity of how drawn in you 
are tall and I use it. 

960
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:23,000
I use the analogy of salami 
slicing like two little tiny 

961
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:26,100
thin slices but eventually the 
whole salami sliced up, right. 

962
00:53:26,100 --> 00:53:28,400
You know what I mean? 
Yeah, it's little pushes. 

963
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:32,000
Little Just the right direction,
pushing your boundaries, a 

964
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,600
getting you to greet a little 
things. 

965
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:35,900
And now that's the standard gate
agree to something. 

966
00:53:35,900 --> 00:53:38,100
A little more than that's, you 
know, they made the good 

967
00:53:38,100 --> 00:53:40,400
atmosphere. 
Yeah. 

968
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,600
Yeah. 
And it's not like overnight. 

969
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:44,900
It's not like, you know, of 
course, if you meet someone 

970
00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:47,600
who's a psycho and then all 
known all sudden, you know, the 

971
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:51,400
third day you get you they I'm 
mask and you realize, oh my God,

972
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:54,300
this person crazy thing. 
That's the difference again 

973
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:58,500
typically with Psychopaths, they
can't hold it together. 

974
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:02,700
As As long as a nurse's nurses 
can play long games and stuff. 

975
00:54:02,700 --> 00:54:06,300
And what's even more interesting
to i-it's fine with the 

976
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:07,700
narcissist. 
And this is the difference 

977
00:54:07,700 --> 00:54:11,500
between psychopaths psychopaths,
usually their whole life is a 

978
00:54:11,508 --> 00:54:15,200
disaster, you know, jobs they 
can't keep jobs or to get fired 

979
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,400
a lot or they can't keep 
relationships because their 

980
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:22,300
knots right there, explosive and
and word, narcissist can hold it

981
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:24,300
together. 
And they usually have one thing 

982
00:54:24,300 --> 00:54:26,200
in their life. 
That that is going well. 

983
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,600
They might have a career job 
that they had for 20 years. 

984
00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:32,300
That they're excellent at it and
but that is their pillar that 

985
00:54:32,300 --> 00:54:34,900
they hide behind, but the rest 
of their life is complete 

986
00:54:34,900 --> 00:54:38,900
disaster and gives you that 
doubt like, oh well, they seem 

987
00:54:38,900 --> 00:54:41,300
to have it together. 
They seem to work at a good job.

988
00:54:41,300 --> 00:54:44,900
They can't be so bad, maybe he's
going through a rough time. 

989
00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:49,100
Maybe he is actually sorry, 
myself included I would make 

990
00:54:49,100 --> 00:54:52,500
allowances I would make the 
excuses for them. 

991
00:54:53,100 --> 00:54:57,300
Yes I would I'm doing a lot of 
times you know, there would be 

992
00:54:57,300 --> 00:55:01,500
parts of The relationship or I 
knew that if I open up to my 

993
00:55:01,500 --> 00:55:03,400
family, it would create this 
image. 

994
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,000
And once your family, or even 
friends, get a negative image of

995
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:10,000
the person you're seeing that 
stays of them, you know, just 

996
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000
like do I really want to open up
about what I'm going through? 

997
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,700
Like they're going to tell me to
leave him and I don't want to 

998
00:55:15,707 --> 00:55:20,700
leave him, you know, it was 
things like that and I went 

999
00:55:20,700 --> 00:55:24,200
through a lot of questioning and
making up excuses for his 

1000
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:28,100
behavior. 
And so finally I ask myself why,

1001
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,800
you know And then, that's when 
it all comes to an end, 

1002
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:35,200
honestly, and some people never 
find the end. 

1003
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:39,100
So I'm glad that I at least was 
able to to just take it for Gary

1004
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:42,700
because think about this were 
lot of times they tend to 

1005
00:55:42,700 --> 00:55:47,300
indulge in substances, right? 
So, so imagine this you came out

1006
00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:51,200
of it with like a heavy opiate 
addiction or alcohol addiction 

1007
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,800
or something like that because 
they tend to like they tend to 

1008
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:59,200
have some other Vice involved, 
usually it's sex or Drugs, 

1009
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:02,400
alcohol, maybe. 
All of them may be gambling and 

1010
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,000
then they usually try to get 
their partner involved in 

1011
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,400
Antiques and they're not so bad,
we're doing it together. 

1012
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,900
And that could really cloud 
things with and now you think oh

1013
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:12,800
well everything is shitty 
because we're both drinking. 

1014
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:16,000
But no, it's not because you're 
being highly, manipulated and 

1015
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,600
you're being poured, alcohol 
down your throat. 

1016
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:19,100
Every chance you get, you know 
what I mean? 

1017
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,500
Yeah, they're can do layers of 
it as well too. 

1018
00:56:23,100 --> 00:56:26,400
And I think that that's what's 
kind of like muddies, the water,

1019
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,500
so to speak. 
So yeah, I know it. 

1020
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:32,500
It's an-24 person has never been
with a narcissist or a 

1021
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:36,700
psychopath or, you know, Count 
Their blessing really risen. 

1022
00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,600
I was going to say consider 
yourself blessed. 

1023
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,800
We know there's a long list of 
other relationships can go toxic

1024
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:45,100
right for variety of reasons. 
And sometimes when people are 

1025
00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:47,900
just like, oh that goes saying 
in the beginning, this podcast, 

1026
00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:49,800
some guys are too shitty at 
relationships. 

1027
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:53,800
This is that it's not that 
they're mentally ill or they 

1028
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:56,400
have a personality disorder. 
They was, they just don't have 

1029
00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:58,500
the skills and they never 
applied themselves. 

1030
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,300
Elves or they're not good 
listeners or you know what I 

1031
00:57:01,308 --> 00:57:03,500
mean. 
Like it's there's there's can be

1032
00:57:03,500 --> 00:57:06,200
that and there's reasons why 
that were those relationships 

1033
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,500
break down the person's, 
probably on the other side, just

1034
00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:11,900
bored to death and not getting 
an attention, and they move on. 

1035
00:57:12,100 --> 00:57:14,700
And usually those types of 
breakups are not, they're not 

1036
00:57:14,700 --> 00:57:18,500
brutally drawn out, but a 
narcissist, on the other hand, 

1037
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,900
there's no breaking up. 
There's there's, there's war 

1038
00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:24,200
after you. 
You have to wage a war of 

1039
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,100
Freedom after and that's the 
difference. 

1040
00:57:27,100 --> 00:57:31,700
That's the difference and Your 
freedom is sometimes comes at a 

1041
00:57:31,707 --> 00:57:34,900
very high cost and cuz of these 
people, right? 

1042
00:57:34,900 --> 00:57:38,400
So that's the difference that I 
think that what leads the scars 

1043
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,800
on lot of people, right? 
Why don't we talk about your 

1044
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,400
podcast? 
Yeah, we can go to do that. 

1045
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:48,900
So I went to the University of 
Arizona, I graduated there in 

1046
00:57:48,900 --> 00:57:53,800
2013 with my degree. 
Bachelor's degree in journalism 

1047
00:57:54,300 --> 00:57:58,000
and I was able to have an 
internship or they will to get a

1048
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,800
few articles. 
Has published for our local 

1049
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:03,200
newspaper here in Tucson. 
Thank you. 

1050
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:07,700
But they weren't hiring they 
kept their senior writers and it

1051
00:58:07,700 --> 00:58:12,000
was basically like your work 
shows a lot of promise but, you 

1052
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,400
know, there's always the big 
guy. 

1053
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:19,100
Yeah. 
I love those a and so I was just

1054
00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:22,700
getting a lot of closed doors 
with journalism at one point. 

1055
00:58:22,700 --> 00:58:26,600
I ended up flying out to Seattle
to go meet the editor of the 

1056
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:31,200
Seattle Times and he I had a 
conversation and he basically 

1057
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,600
told me like we're not looking 
so much for written work as we 

1058
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:38,100
are in your digital story. 
Telling you told me digitized 

1059
00:58:38,100 --> 00:58:41,400
yourself like unfortunately we 
don't have any internships, I 

1060
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,100
don't feel comfortable putting 
myself down as a reference since

1061
00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:47,400
we just met my word of advice to
you. 

1062
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,200
Is to go out and digitize 
yourself. 

1063
00:58:49,900 --> 00:58:53,300
So I flew back to Tucson kind of
a little distraught. 

1064
00:58:53,300 --> 00:58:56,400
Like I was kind of hoping for 
something to open up, you know I

1065
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,500
replied to a lot of different 
places and it was usually shut 

1066
00:58:59,500 --> 00:59:02,300
down. 
So I came back to Tucson and was

1067
00:59:02,300 --> 00:59:05,200
like, you know what, I'm going 
to talk about, what I want to 

1068
00:59:05,207 --> 00:59:09,200
talk about and I want to talk 
about stuff that I couldn't 

1069
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,200
easily talk about growing up 
with anybody. 

1070
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:15,200
But my mother she was a teen mom
so she had the sex talk with me 

1071
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:19,300
early and instead of writing 
things that editors wanted me to

1072
00:59:19,300 --> 00:59:21,700
write because that's the 
articles that I've published for

1073
00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:24,900
Honor editor, editorial 
Direction and review. 

1074
00:59:24,900 --> 00:59:29,600
So it was it's my voice in the 
in the article in But that's 

1075
00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,500
crazy that they gave me, you 
know? 

1076
00:59:31,900 --> 00:59:36,200
Yeah and they threw the pitch is
basically and I just I went with

1077
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:41,100
whatever pitches they threw. 
So I wanted to basically take 

1078
00:59:41,100 --> 00:59:46,300
control and talk about 
storytelling in my way and focus

1079
00:59:46,300 --> 00:59:49,300
on the people that we tend to 
stereotype a lot. 

1080
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,000
There's a lot of stigma and 
stereotypes about people that 

1081
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:55,400
are sexual promiscuous. 
I grew up in a Catholic 

1082
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:57,500
background. 
So I went through like 

1083
00:59:57,700 --> 01:00:02,700
baptismal, communion catechism, 
all these things and all these 

1084
01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:06,500
Notions. 
I also grew up, I'm Mexican 

1085
01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:09,400
Americans. 
So we grew up with this sense of

1086
01:00:09,900 --> 01:00:15,000
like machismo like a macho man, 
then you get the one that's the 

1087
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:18,700
Gated you know to get this 
domesticated woman, you get the 

1088
01:00:18,700 --> 01:00:23,700
Macho Man you get like this 
whole sense of patriarchy, you 

1089
01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:27,700
get people that are loose and 
those like in Mexican terms are 

1090
01:00:27,700 --> 01:00:30,500
called like boots. 
Witcher's, you get those you 

1091
01:00:30,500 --> 01:00:35,200
know you didn't want to be this 
immoral woman for any reason, so

1092
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,900
that kind of Drew me into more 
interest in telling their 

1093
01:00:37,900 --> 01:00:41,700
stories. 
So I came back in 2017 a month 

1094
01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:45,300
after I talk to the editor in 
Seattle and I launched the 

1095
01:00:45,300 --> 01:00:48,900
podcast, I had done a little bit
of podcasting, I had done like a

1096
01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:51,900
few episodes in high school, 
where I learned initially, it 

1097
01:00:51,900 --> 01:00:55,200
was introduced it and I started 
to talk about sex dating and 

1098
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:58,900
relationships, anything taboo, 
anything that we keep On the 

1099
01:00:58,900 --> 01:01:01,900
hush and that kind of played 
into the name, right? 

1100
01:01:01,900 --> 01:01:05,700
And it started off with me my 
ex. 

1101
01:01:05,700 --> 01:01:08,900
And then in next co-worker and a
friend of mine. 

1102
01:01:08,900 --> 01:01:12,300
So I wanted a different 
Spectrum, me and my ex run the 

1103
01:01:12,308 --> 01:01:16,700
relationship together. 
The other co-host was in an open

1104
01:01:16,700 --> 01:01:19,400
marriage and then I had my 
friend on the show who is gay, 

1105
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,700
so I wanted to. 
So that's how that started off. 

1106
01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:25,800
It started off with discussions 
right up in my mom's kitchen. 

1107
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,000
Just okay. 
You know, like family, I'm going

1108
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,800
to record So, if you don't feel 
comfortable or whatever, like 

1109
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:33,100
I'm gonna need some silence, 
here's take off. 

1110
01:01:33,500 --> 01:01:35,700
So I started recording right in 
my Mom's Kitchen. 

1111
01:01:35,700 --> 01:01:39,200
The first few episodes of the 
podcast it was kind of wild from

1112
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:41,800
there because we were getting 
some pretty good reception from 

1113
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,800
friends, you know, that had 
heard about it and we're like oh

1114
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:47,500
my God like I want to hear you 
know because it's one of those 

1115
01:01:47,500 --> 01:01:50,200
things where it's like you 
talked about it behind closed 

1116
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,700
doors but now this is out in the
open, you know. 

1117
01:01:52,700 --> 01:01:55,000
Like now you're talking about 
stuff that people don't always 

1118
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,000
have the balls to say out loud, 
you know. 

1119
01:01:58,500 --> 01:02:00,900
Criticizing those that don't 
want to come onto my pack 

1120
01:02:00,900 --> 01:02:04,000
podcast or don't speak openly. 
It's not that I'm just saying 

1121
01:02:04,300 --> 01:02:06,400
right now. 
If they wanted to be on the 

1122
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:09,900
podcast, you know. 
So I have family honestly that 

1123
01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:12,200
supports it. 
But from a distance, they tell 

1124
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:15,200
me they won't listen to the 
episodes because they know that 

1125
01:02:15,500 --> 01:02:17,400
it includes some of my sex life 
on there. 

1126
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:20,000
But that was the thing to in 
order for me to build rapport 

1127
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,700
with you. 
How am I going to have? 

1128
01:02:21,700 --> 01:02:24,500
You talk about sex dating 
relationships, if I'm not even 

1129
01:02:24,500 --> 01:02:27,100
talking about what's going on in
my own world right now? 

1130
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:30,100
Of course, yes. 
Is a level privacy, especially 

1131
01:02:30,100 --> 01:02:32,400
if I'm dating somebody. 
I'm not going to go sure every 

1132
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:36,400
little thing, but I want you to 
get a real genuine sense that 

1133
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:39,900
these are unscripted, 
conversations topic ideas that 

1134
01:02:39,900 --> 01:02:42,700
we would throw out and just run 
with it as we recorded, you 

1135
01:02:42,700 --> 01:02:45,400
know. 
So that's how it started off. 

1136
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:49,500
Honestly. 
And then, as we started to grow 

1137
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:53,200
beyond our little circle, other 
people in Tucson started finding

1138
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,600
out about the podcast. 
One of the co-hosts is reaching 

1139
01:02:56,600 --> 01:03:00,100
out to like musician, so we are 
bringing Ringing on musicians. 

1140
01:03:00,300 --> 01:03:04,400
And then I went even further 
myself and I would get music 

1141
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:08,300
from different different 
artists, including some from 

1142
01:03:08,300 --> 01:03:10,900
like the UK, some here that 
we're local. 

1143
01:03:11,300 --> 01:03:14,100
So we would put in the 
beginning, like music breaks, 

1144
01:03:14,100 --> 01:03:16,100
the we're branching out in 
different directions, we put 

1145
01:03:16,100 --> 01:03:19,100
like, musical and turn into 
missions and just making 

1146
01:03:19,100 --> 01:03:24,100
connections, right? 
And as we were doing that, my ex

1147
01:03:24,100 --> 01:03:27,200
had brought up the idea of why 
not actually reach out to a porn

1148
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:30,500
star. 
He wouldn't I can get there, get

1149
01:03:30,500 --> 01:03:36,500
there their reactions to things.
So I started dming a lot of 

1150
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:39,800
them, the dming them, and you're
going to get some that don't 

1151
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:44,200
even read it. 
Some it but don't reply and all 

1152
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:47,400
these like, yes. 
And I finally got this one. 

1153
01:03:47,900 --> 01:03:51,500
And she's the one, that was like
my shoe. 

1154
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:53,900
She owned a PR Company. 
Actually, she started off as a 

1155
01:03:53,900 --> 01:03:58,300
porn star, that shouldn't even 
entrepreneur owns a PR, right? 

1156
01:03:58,500 --> 01:04:01,200
You see, that's the thing too. 
You know, it was like we think 

1157
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:04,500
of them just like, oh, she was 
in this hot scene but you don't 

1158
01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:06,700
see like some other human 
beings. 

1159
01:04:06,700 --> 01:04:09,700
Rightly. 
Yes, human being, some of them 

1160
01:04:09,700 --> 01:04:13,100
have Ambitions that go beyond 
that in the sense of like 

1161
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:16,800
entrepreneurships, these Stars 
own their own companies, you 

1162
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:20,900
know, one of them owns, she was 
part of a coffee coffee 

1163
01:04:20,900 --> 01:04:23,300
companies. 
She has a copywriter. 

1164
01:04:24,700 --> 01:04:30,400
So it was just all these women 
that I grew up with And was told

1165
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,100
like you can't be like that. 
You shouldn't be like that but 

1166
01:04:33,100 --> 01:04:34,600
some more. 
Oh that's not God's way. 

1167
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,300
It's not the Catholic way. 
It's not the Mexican-American 

1168
01:04:37,300 --> 01:04:41,000
traitor and you're bad for 
talking about it but it's okay 

1169
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:43,200
for them to sneak around and 
watch it, right? 

1170
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:44,500
Yes. 
Right. 

1171
01:04:44,700 --> 01:04:46,400
It was a lot of things like 
that. 

1172
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:50,200
And then there was a whole 
Catholicism itself, which is 

1173
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:52,500
honestly where I play off of 
some of the themes. 

1174
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:55,800
Like I have some episodes called
kinky confessional while 

1175
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:58,300
confessionals where you go into 
the confessional booth. 

1176
01:04:58,500 --> 01:05:02,600
And you like you admit your sins
to the priest but now you're 

1177
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:07,000
admitting your sins to me. 
I had to break away from a lot 

1178
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,300
of what I knew in order to have 
these conversations. 

1179
01:05:10,300 --> 01:05:15,800
So I always tease myself as 
being like the Heathen of my 

1180
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:21,100
family because you know there's 
some people that are there was 

1181
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,000
all these conversations where I 
was like why are we not having 

1182
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:25,900
this though? 
Like you obviously had kids? 

1183
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:28,300
My grandmother had like six 
kids. 

1184
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:30,400
Thank you, don't mean big 
families. 

1185
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:33,100
So it's like, you know, they had
to make something takes a lot of

1186
01:05:33,100 --> 01:05:35,900
work to make six kids. 
So I branched into talking to 

1187
01:05:35,900 --> 01:05:42,400
porn stars, sex workers, 
strippers people from people, 

1188
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:45,800
from my town that made music if 
you wanted to talk sex and I 

1189
01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:49,300
promote your music, we did like 
a cross promotional thing for 

1190
01:05:49,300 --> 01:05:52,600
for a while. 
I talked to some comedians, I 

1191
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:56,500
talked to people that created 
dating apps, I talked to 

1192
01:05:56,500 --> 01:05:59,300
different entrepreneurs, that 
word, Doing like sex 

1193
01:05:59,300 --> 01:06:03,400
subscription boxes, you know, 
and different things like that. 

1194
01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:06,700
So I branched out and decided to
have these conversations. 

1195
01:06:06,700 --> 01:06:10,300
And in a sense, I felt like I 
was applying my journalistic 

1196
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:12,600
skills to it, you know. 
So, in a way, I kind of see it 

1197
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,900
as journalism. 
It's not hard news, but 

1198
01:06:15,500 --> 01:06:26,900
somebody's heart out, they're 
not so bad, sexual innuendos and

1199
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:31,500
puns and Those are the things 
that I couldn't say openly 

1200
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:33,000
though. 
I couldn't like, I would joke, I

1201
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:36,500
still can't have a joke like 
that to lose day was certain 

1202
01:06:36,500 --> 01:06:39,800
family members, you know, some 
some don't know about the 

1203
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:42,800
podcast and even if they were I 
would not hide it but it was 

1204
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:45,000
these conversations. 
That why are we hiding from it? 

1205
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:47,700
Anyway. 
Yeah, you know like and that's 

1206
01:06:47,700 --> 01:06:51,200
where all of that stem from and 
honestly started off as just a 

1207
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:54,500
passion project like I want to 
go open the doors to journalism.

1208
01:06:54,500 --> 01:06:57,400
Do some digital storytelling. 
Tell the stories of these people

1209
01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:01,600
that always We get stigmatized 
and stereotype and let's break 

1210
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:03,400
that. 
And let's analyze what their 

1211
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:07,200
life is really like. 
It's cool and that's amazing. 

1212
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:10,200
It is funny. 
Because again, I don't really 

1213
01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:12,500
touch on anything sexual and my 
podcast. 

1214
01:07:12,500 --> 01:07:16,800
But, however, being true crime, 
I get, I get a report on serial 

1215
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:20,300
killers and different monsters 
and people look at me weird. 

1216
01:07:20,300 --> 01:07:23,700
Why would you want to waste your
time or energy on that stuff? 

1217
01:07:23,900 --> 01:07:27,900
The looks in their eyes. 
Whoa, like you don't even like 

1218
01:07:27,900 --> 01:07:29,800
it. 
So yeah, I get it too. 

1219
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:39,000
Spectrum of reactions, right? 
And we got us. 

1220
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:41,100
Yes. 
I feel like you're gonna get 

1221
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:43,300
that in both of our genres on 
it. 

1222
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:48,100
Yeah, I was watching the Netflix
special with the Jeffrey Dahmer.

1223
01:07:48,300 --> 01:07:50,700
Yes Dahmer. 
Did he what was it? 

1224
01:07:50,700 --> 01:07:52,600
That did not flip. 
So yeah, that was actually 

1225
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:56,500
really good. 
It was really a lot of research 

1226
01:07:56,500 --> 01:07:58,800
on Dahmer. 
I've done a lot of like and I 

1227
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:01,900
found they did the writing. 
They did a pretty good job and 

1228
01:08:01,900 --> 01:08:05,900
one thing I liked about that 
show was or Isn't a lot of 

1229
01:08:05,900 --> 01:08:09,300
dialogue, but you felt every 
scene if that makes sense. 

1230
01:08:09,300 --> 01:08:11,200
Yes, very quiet. 
Moving this. 

1231
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:14,700
His whole demeanor and yeah, he 
was creepy. 

1232
01:08:14,700 --> 01:08:16,300
He was definitely not a 
narcissist. 

1233
01:08:16,300 --> 01:08:20,700
He had no charm but yeah, 
definitely on the site on the 

1234
01:08:20,700 --> 01:08:25,700
psychopath. 
You know, this for me, the draw 

1235
01:08:25,700 --> 01:08:28,700
was the storytelling us-backed 
of it, you know. 

1236
01:08:28,700 --> 01:08:32,000
And and I'm always I've always 
been interested in like how 

1237
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:36,500
people think late or their their
intentions or Because I go again

1238
01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:39,300
at the end of the day, if it's 
even the most complex thing in 

1239
01:08:39,300 --> 01:08:42,100
the universe, in my opinion, I 
agree, you know, I think 

1240
01:08:42,100 --> 01:08:46,899
psychology just in general 
intrigues, me, and to hear the 

1241
01:08:46,899 --> 01:08:50,100
psychological aspects, whether 
it be a True Crime Story or 

1242
01:08:50,100 --> 01:08:53,300
whether it be a porn star, 
sharing what she's going 

1243
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:57,100
through, you know, or anything 
along those lines. 

1244
01:08:57,100 --> 01:09:01,000
I love like, exploring the 
mindset. 

1245
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,100
But yeah, if you want to do this
again I'd love to like we could 

1246
01:09:06,100 --> 01:09:08,500
like once a month or something 
if you want. 

1247
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:11,700
Yeah, I'd be open to doing that.
I'm usually free on Sundays and 

1248
01:09:11,700 --> 01:09:14,300
my schedule so I'm sure we could
work something out again. 

1249
01:09:14,300 --> 01:09:17,700
Sorry if I talk to are off but I
don't know what you're talking 

1250
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:22,200
about. 
So much stuff, right? 

1251
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:25,000
There's a lot of crossover. 
Well, you have a good night to 

1252
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:04,300
take care of it. 
But yeah, if you want to do this

1253
01:09:04,300 --> 01:09:07,600
again I'd love to like we could 
like once a month or something 

1254
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:10,300
if you want. 
Yeah, I'd be open to doing that.

1255
01:09:10,300 --> 01:09:13,000
I'm usually free on Sundays and 
my schedule so I'm sure we could

1256
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,700
work something out again. 
Sorry if I talk to are off but I

1257
01:09:15,707 --> 01:09:21,200
don't know what you're talking 
about. 

1258
01:09:21,200 --> 01:09:23,399
So much stuff, right? 
There's a lot of crossover. 

1259
01:09:23,700 --> 01:09:25,600
Well, you have a good night to 
take care of it.