1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,960 Hello, my loves, and welcome to another podcast episode of Busy 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,480 Glowing Up. I am your host, Liv Marima, and 3 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,240 today we're going to be talking all about calling back your 4 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,760 energy, putting yourself back up on that pedestal. 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,320 Decentering men. We all have experienced that 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,200 time where we really want something. 7 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:22,600 We really like someone and we're doing everything we possibly can 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:27,520 to get them to like us back, to get their attention and all 9 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,720 these things, and no matter what, it's just it. 10 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,280 They pull back even further and further. 11 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:39,760 The reason why is because that energy dynamic is never going to 12 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,800 allow you to lay back in your feminine and be the receiver 13 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,920 when you are constantly making a man your everything. 14 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:54,200 He mirrors back that energy in a way that he just focuses more on 15 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,320 himself. When you make a man your number 16 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:03,080 one priority, he starts to think, wow, she's so interested 17 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,680 in me. I must be a really great guy. 18 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,800 I really am that guy. And he's putting himself up on 19 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,160 that pedestal in this relationship dynamic. 20 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,160 And it goes nowhere because you don't want a man that just wants 21 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,800 Princess treatment, that wants you to always be the one chasing 22 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,920 after him. So whether you're in a situation 23 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,040 ship, you're dating or even if you're in a relationship and you 24 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:30,400 just feel like this person, this individual is not consuming all 25 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,240 your energy. And you're just constantly 26 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,760 anxious and worried and overthinking things. 27 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,360 And you just want to get to a place where you're like calling 28 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,880 back your energy. You're not worried about them. 29 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,840 You're just like, I'm more focused on myself. 30 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,520 I have better things to worry about. 31 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,000 That's when they're going to completely shift and be the ones 32 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,520 chasing after you, obsessing over you. 33 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:55,320 And it happens time and time again because this is just basic 34 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,680 energetics. In order to call your energy 35 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:05,440 back, you need to 1st work on regulating your emotions, the 36 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:09,120 emotions you have assigned and meaning you have assigned to 37 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:14,040 this person. So what I highly recommend you 38 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,120 do is if you have a certain person that you've been putting 39 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,400 up on this pedestal, you're obsessing over them and you want 40 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,320 to be done obsessing over them for good. 41 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,080 You want to call your energy back. 42 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,200 You are just done with this dynamic. 43 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,280 This is what you're going to do. Stop seeing them as special. 44 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,720 Like genuinely ask yourself, what are they providing for you 45 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:40,800 right now that is just worth all of the bullshit that you are 46 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,320 putting up with right now? What is he giving you? 47 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,280 Is he giving you money? Is he buying you flowers? 48 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,080 Is he at least spoiling you? Or is he doing none of that and 49 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,360 he's just giving you a headache on top of it? 50 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,960 What value is he bringing into your life? 51 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,280 And this is something like you want to sit down and actually 52 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,320 like create like pros and cons of having this person in your 53 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,120 life. You need to be selfish with the 54 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,880 people that you allow in your circle. 55 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,360 You don't want to just be the type of person that is letting 56 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,200 anyone into their circle. Access to you is a privilege. 57 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,280 You need to develop the mindset of I'm not just the type of 58 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,560 woman that entertains any man. You need to reach my standards 59 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:31,000 and the second that you stop reaching those standards, you 60 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,280 stop putting in that effort. You start making me not feel 61 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,680 good or questioning my worth. You're out the door because I 62 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,160 just don't entertain people like that. 63 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,200 That doesn't feel good. I only allow people in my circle 64 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,080 that actually bring value into my life. 65 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,680 Sorry, but I'm selfish. That is how you start to 66 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,440 decenter man in your life because when you go into dating, 67 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,520 you're not going into dating being like, I hope I find 68 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,320 someone. Of course you're going to find 69 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,360 someone. Of course you're going to find 70 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,040 your dream man, but you're coming from the perspective of 71 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,480 I'm going to find the best. I need to find the man that's 72 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,000 going to be a great husband. I need to find a man that's 73 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,400 going to be a great father to my children. 74 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,440 I want a man that's going to support me through everything in 75 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,400 life, be my rock. I'm not just going to settle for 76 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:19,079 a man that is able to plan a few nice dates and we just have a 77 00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:23,520 few things in common and you know, we always just have stuff 78 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,400 to talk about and that's not good enough. 79 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,880 I want you to have high standards and expectations. 80 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:35,960 I want your expectations to be so high that when you tell a man 81 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,160 what you're looking for, he needs to think you're crazy. 82 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,920 You're delusional for thinking that you can get all that 83 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,760 because that's going to filter out the men that are going to be 84 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,560 wasting your time. And that's how you're going to 85 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,360 attract the types of men that are like I'm the man for you. 86 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,360 I want to be that man for you. I will do anything for you 87 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,080 because trust me, the woman that you see that are getting 88 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:02,840 spoiled, that are getting everything they want in life 89 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:08,200 provided for her by a man. It's not just their looks. 90 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,760 You have to have very solid expectations and boundaries, and 91 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,080 you need to know your worth. Men are going to test you on 92 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:21,080 your worth. They don't purposely do it, but 93 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,560 they do it because that's just how they're hardwired. 94 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,960 Men are going to see what they can get away with. 95 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,000 And if you show a man that you're OK with him texting you 96 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,320 here and there or he screws up and you just keep giving him 97 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,000 chances, that's not what's going to make a man step up for you. 98 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:42,560 So if this man in your life, he's not cutting it for you and 99 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,080 right now you know you're settling and you want to detach. 100 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:51,680 You want to stop viewing him as this person that you are just 101 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,520 obsessed with. You want to cut that cord. 102 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,080 Start asking yourself, what is he doing for you? 103 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:05,720 I want you to start looking around and seeing women that are 104 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,760 in their dream relationships that are getting spoiled by men 105 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,120 that have everything that you want. 106 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,960 And I want you to compare the men that they're dating to the 107 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,640 man that you are dating right now. 108 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,000 And if that doesn't give you the ick, like the fact that he's not 109 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:27,400 treating you right, that he's not prioritizing you, that he's 110 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:33,360 making you question your worth, I want you to get turned off by 111 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,800 that. That is a huge part of this is 112 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,080 you need to get turned off by a man that does the bare minimum. 113 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,960 Because if you continue to allow yourself to entertain men that 114 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,720 can just give you the bare minimum, you're never going to 115 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,360 be able to even experience men that can do more for you. 116 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,200 Because you're so focused on entertaining these bare minimum 117 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:02,560 men that you don't even think that getting spoiled and getting 118 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,680 Princess treatment and having men go above and beyond for you 119 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,800 is a possibility for you. It has always been a possibility 120 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,000 for you. But it will not be an actual 121 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,240 experience until you fully believe that. 122 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:18,960 That is only what I settle for. And I want you to look at it 123 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,360 like this. The men that you date, the men 124 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:27,320 that you entertain, the men that you allowed, the men that you 125 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:32,560 allow to come into your circle are a reflection of you and your 126 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,360 current worth. The way that you're being 127 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:39,440 treated right now by men is only happening because you are 128 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,440 allowing it to. And the second that you cut them 129 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:49,000 out and you say I am done, I don't put up with this bullshit, 130 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,120 goodbye is when everything changes. 131 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:56,280 Because now you have shifted your own self worth. 132 00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:00,960 You have now just told yourself, I know I deserve more and I'm 133 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,920 going to do something to change it. 134 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,480 I'm done entertaining this. That's truly how you call back 135 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,000 your energy. The second that you realize I'm 136 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:15,760 settling right now and this person right here is just a 137 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,400 waste of my time. If this person's being 138 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,400 inconsistent with you or whatever it is that they're 139 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,920 doing, stop looking at it from what they are doing to you. 140 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,800 And sometimes this is hard to do because we're so focused to, 141 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,400 well, this is my life and this is everything's about me, right? 142 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:39,679 We are so caught up in our own reality that we don't often take 143 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,039 a step out of it, what we're currently experiencing and look 144 00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:47,600 at the big picture. Let's take the focus off you and 145 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:54,040 let's focus on this person. Why are they doing this in this 146 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,840 dynamic? Like why do they think that they 147 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,360 can just treat you that way? Why are they going on dating 148 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,600 apps for years and years? They cannot get in a stable 149 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,920 relationship. They clearly have a lot of 150 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,560 issues when it comes to love and relationships. 151 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,920 And I want you to start looking at them of like, wow, you know 152 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,240 what, this person, he needs a lot of healing. 153 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,240 He has not done his inner work and he does not have it figured 154 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,160 out. And right now he's doing all 155 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:28,000 these things, whether it's like whatever he's doing, if he's on 156 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,400 social media and he's following like all of these women liking 157 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:36,720 all these other girls posts or he's on dating apps, whatever he 158 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:41,440 is doing, I want you to look at it from the perspective of he's 159 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,920 doing that for the instant gratification. 160 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:49,040 He has not healed that part of himself, a man that is not able 161 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,000 to control himself when it comes to women. 162 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,120 And he's just always like going after the next woman. 163 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,960 Like he just can't get his shit together. 164 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,080 That's his own issue that he needs to figure out. 165 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,640 And I want you to be turned off by that of that's not the type 166 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:14,000 of man I want because a man that respects himself and has done 167 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:19,040 his own inner work, he has no desire to be a manhoe. 168 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,960 You know, there's going to be phases where every man at one 169 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:30,320 point is probably an F boy. But you don't want to be the 170 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:34,200 type of girl that's entertaining a man in this phase of his life. 171 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,120 You want a man that has already experienced that, he's figured 172 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:43,200 it out and he's realized I don't care to go follow all these 173 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:48,400 women and like entertain all of these types of women. 174 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:53,400 You want a man that is looking for something real that is 175 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,760 serious because you just can't take a man seriously that is 176 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,320 doing all these things. And I want you to look at it of 177 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:06,360 it's nothing you're doing wrong. This is his own thing that he's 178 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:11,280 working through right now, and it's not your job to wait for 179 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:16,600 him to change or to teach him how to treat you right or try to 180 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,400 fix him. That's not your responsibility 181 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,840 and you need to make sure that you're not out here doing 182 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:26,200 charity work trying to make this man the ideal version of him 183 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:30,280 that you want or maybe see some potential of, you know, like he 184 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,200 has a lot of issues right now, but I know one day like he's 185 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,640 going to be successful and stuff. 186 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,120 So I want to be that, that woman that stays with him and like is 187 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,320 his ride or die Girl, if he's treating you like shit, don't. 188 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,400 Don't be trying to be his ride or die. 189 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,320 I actually advise you to be the complete opposite. 190 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,960 You need to show this man that you're not afraid to walk away 191 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,840 if he's going to disrespect you or do anything that makes you 192 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,720 feel not good about yourself. You need to show them that 193 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,400 you're not afraid to walk away. Because guess what? 194 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,680 You know that you're a high value woman. 195 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:06,160 You know that there's another man that would instantly in a 196 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,960 heartbeat want to go out with you. 197 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,480 You know that you are highly desirable. 198 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,920 Now, if your situation is a little different and the man 199 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:19,440 that you're with, he's not necessarily a bad man or he's 200 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,880 not disrespecting you or anything, but he's inconsistent 201 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,840 and he's just not showing up in the way that you want. 202 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,680 For you to change this around is to match his energy. 203 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:35,080 But here's the thing, don't go matching his energy and just 204 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,920 trying to prove a point because there is an authentic way to do 205 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,200 this and a way that is really fake. 206 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,600 And people pick up on it right away that you're playing games. 207 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,200 And the second that a man can tell that you're playing games, 208 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:52,480 it's it's game over because he's just, he's not gonna have any 209 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,960 desire to continue playing this game with you. 210 00:12:55,760 --> 00:13:00,960 The authentic way to do this is you are doing this because you 211 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,800 know you're worth and value. So you're going to match his 212 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,040 energy. Meaning if he's inconsistent 213 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:10,400 with you, you're going to stop giving, giving, giving, chasing, 214 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:15,600 chasing, chasing and doing everything to try to get him to 215 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,240 step up for you. You're going to pull your energy 216 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,200 back. Take some time to yourself and 217 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:28,840 put all the focus on you. I don't know why, but no matter 218 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,720 what it is in life, especially in relationships, if you make 219 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:39,640 someone your everything and you try so hard to always get that 220 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:44,480 reassurance and validation from them and you're trying so hard 221 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,520 to always be there for them, but you're not prioritizing 222 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,880 yourself. That's just a disaster waiting 223 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,640 to happen and it never works out because that's just stemming 224 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:59,680 from anxious attachment style and just also not validating 225 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,840 yourself. When you have an anxious 226 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,960 attachment style or you're constantly needing validation 227 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:10,120 from people around you, it pushes people away because you 228 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:16,960 think that you constantly being there and overextending yourself 229 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,080 and doing more for that person than you do for yourself is 230 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,640 going to make them love you more. 231 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,120 It will not. If anything, it's just going to 232 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:30,960 turn out to be a dynamic where they are not respecting you 233 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,320 because they're going to take advantage of you. 234 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:39,240 You may think that overextending yourself in this relationship is 235 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,000 going to make them love you more, but it's not. 236 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,400 Because that's not what true love is. 237 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:51,640 That is you having your own wounds and you are waiting on 238 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,200 someone else to heal those wounds within you. 239 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,760 That's all that is. Any validation. 240 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,200 The inconsistency, the needing to get that text back, the the 241 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,280 needing them to commit to you because if they don't commit 242 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,200 then you just don't feel worthy. And whatever it is, it all 243 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:15,480 always stems down to worthiness. Someone who knows that they're 244 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,720 worthy. Do not get caught up whether or 245 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:23,720 not someone is replying back to them or not, or whether or not 246 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:28,480 this person is serious about them or they're not worried 247 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:33,320 about those types of things. What you need to do is to be 248 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:38,120 comfortable with yourself. Become your own best friend. 249 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,120 Have fun with yourself, like make yourself laugh. 250 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,520 Provide yourself that love that you are looking for in a 251 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:50,000 partner. Get to a place where you feel 252 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,000 like if everything in your life was taken away from you and you 253 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:58,880 just had yourself, you would still find a way to enjoy life 254 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:04,240 if it was just you because you have to have your back 100% no 255 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,880 matter what. That's what's going to heal that 256 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:12,720 needing validation and feeling so anxious if someone starts 257 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:16,640 pulling in the other direction or they're doing something to 258 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:21,000 make you question your worth. Get to a place where you are OK. 259 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,400 I'm OK with or without this person. 260 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,320 Get into a place where you are trusting. 261 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,960 If this person's meant for me, then it's gonna work out 262 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,920 perfectly where it's not gonna be a hard difficult process. 263 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,400 I'm not gonna be confused how they feel about me. 264 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:43,960 I don't have to overextend myself for love and start doing 265 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,760 the mindset work, but then also start being comfortable with 266 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,840 pulling your energy back. So being OK with not speaking to 267 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,960 this person and genuinely doing it from a place of I'm not too 268 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,480 worried about what they're doing. 269 00:16:55,800 --> 00:17:01,480 And here's a here's an example. I want to tell you, you need to 270 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:06,160 make sure that you have a healthy attachment with any 271 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,800 person in your life, any relationship. 272 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:15,200 Here's the problem that I notice a lot of people have, you know, 273 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,880 in a friendship, you guys get together, you hang out, you have 274 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,200 a great time. But then when you guys are done 275 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:27,000 hanging out, you go off back home and you just do your own 276 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,760 thing, right? You had a great time with your 277 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,000 friend. You're not checking your phone 278 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,200 wondering if your friend's gonna text you and say, hey, I had a 279 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,760 really great time. Or you're not questioning if 280 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,520 your friend now secretly hates you or your friends just gonna 281 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,920 leave you or tell you, yeah, I don't want to be your friend 282 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,800 anymore after hanging out with them. 283 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,520 Like, I hope not. If you have that experience with 284 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,400 friends too, then that's another sign that you know, there's a 285 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,280 lot of self reflection that needs to go on. 286 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,560 Like there's some sort of abandonment, feelings of 287 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,640 abandonment happening. But you know, if you have like a 288 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,680 really secure, great relationship with your friend, 289 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,480 you're going to go home and just do whatever. 290 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,200 You're going to focus on you. You're just going to get back to 291 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,560 your regular life after having a great time with your friend. 292 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,520 You're not going to be stressing about how they feel about you or 293 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,240 if they're going to leave you or tell you they don't want to be 294 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,560 friends with you anymore. That's not even something that 295 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,960 crosses your mind. But when it comes to the person 296 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,080 that you're interested in, romantic interest or the person 297 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,920 that you're dating, after the date, you go home and then you 298 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,920 start to think, oh, I wonder how they feel about me. 299 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,920 I wonder if they had a good time with me. 300 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,720 I wonder what they're thinking right now. 301 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,880 I wonder if they're going to want to see me again. 302 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,400 Don't even entertain those types of thoughts. 303 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,320 And this will change everything. After you see them, after that 304 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,360 date, or after speaking to them on the phone, whatever it is 305 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:58,480 you're doing, own that you had a great time with them. 306 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,800 If you feel deep down that you enjoyed yourself and you had a 307 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,880 great time, assume that they did too. 308 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,880 Why wouldn't they, right? It's just because there is so 309 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:15,640 much gaslighting that happens in the dating world now that so 310 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,520 many people are so hardwired to think that this person's going 311 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,360 to ghost them or do something or just change their mind about 312 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,240 them out of nowhere. Because this has been happening 313 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:32,040 a lot in the dating world lately, so I understand where 314 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,760 those fears are coming from. But this is where detachment 315 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,800 comes into. If someone screws you over or 316 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:45,520 ghosts you or does some fake ass shit, that just speaks volumes 317 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,120 about what type of person they are. 318 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,960 That's just a terrible thing to do and you don't even want to be 319 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,720 associated with that person. You don't want to date that 320 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,760 person. You don't want to be friends 321 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,720 with that person. So don't even go into dating 322 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,920 worrying if this person is going to do something. 323 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,520 I always tell this to my clients. 324 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,920 When you go into dating, always go into it assuming that this 325 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:10,960 person has the best intentions with you that this person. 326 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,440 Is coming into dating wanting something serious? 327 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:19,600 That this person is someone that respects women, that is an 328 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:24,480 honorable man, that doesn't just say things to impress you? 329 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:29,640 He's a very humble and up type of man that you can respect. 330 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:34,760 And you go into dating choosing to believe that until or unless 331 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:40,120 they prove you otherwise. And if that day comes, that's 332 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:44,720 when you deal with it. But we are all so used to being 333 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,560 in this fight or flight mode, especially someone with anxious 334 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,920 attachment, that you're going to be thinking so far out ahead. 335 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,360 And that's a completely other thing that is also can self 336 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,800 sabotage you. If you're going into dating and 337 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:03,320 you're thinking like years ahead, there's no need for that 338 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,320 because honestly, it's, it's a red flag. 339 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,120 You know, it's a red flag when a man just meets you and he's 340 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,920 saying that he wants to marry you and have kids with you and 341 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,760 that he sees a future with you like on the first or second 342 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,160 date. Red flag, right? 343 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:25,680 So same for you, you don't want to be like thinking way too far 344 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,720 out and stressing yourself out of like how this is going to 345 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,240 work and how it's going to unfold. 346 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,760 Don't go too far into it because that's when you sometimes might 347 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,280 have all of these expectations. And then when this person 348 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,840 doesn't meet, meet those expectations, you are so 349 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,120 devastated. That's why you got to go into 350 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,320 dating just being detached, knowing what it is that you 351 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,000 want, but not being so attached to a specific outcome. 352 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,720 Because when you are overly be attached to anyone or anything, 353 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,760 it just pushes everything away. It just sabotages everything. 354 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:06,960 Another great way to detach from this person and put yourself 355 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:11,040 back up on that pedestal is to view them from the point of view 356 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,520 of someone in your life, like a close friend. 357 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:21,120 How would your best friend view this man or your mom? 358 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,440 What would their perspective of this man be? 359 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,040 Would they see him as an honorable man just based on the 360 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,400 way that he treats you and the way that you are feeling in this 361 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,280 relationship dynamic? Because here's the thing, you 362 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,200 can always tell when a woman is being treated right by a man and 363 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,120 when she's happy in her relationship because she has a 364 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:44,440 glow to her, a woman that's happy and being treated right, 365 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,840 she's going to be looking flawless. 366 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,720 She's going to have a smile on her face or just something about 367 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:54,360 her aura that she just feels really good that she has a good 368 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,280 man by her side. It's really easy to tell. 369 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:02,760 I can see it always in public when you see a happy couple and 370 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,640 a couple that's like that. This man is just bringing out 371 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,600 the worst in her. A woman that has a man that 372 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,680 drains her, that sucks her energy, that just treats her 373 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,160 terribly. You can. 374 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:18,960 You can just see just based on her facial expressions and the 375 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:23,520 way that she carries herself and her aura that she's just not 376 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,720 happy. Because a woman who's being 377 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,040 treated poorly by a man who's not happy in her relationship, 378 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,280 she is stripped from her feminine energy. 379 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:38,080 Divine feminine energy is being able to receive, being able to 380 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:43,760 just be your authentic self, to be the goddess that you are. 381 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,400 But it's so easy to forget who you are and get lost in a 382 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,320 relationship with the wrong person. 383 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,440 And it can happen for years and years on end where you just 384 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,920 completely lose yourself in this relationship. 385 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,720 You don't know who you are. You don't prioritize yourself. 386 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,440 You've made this man your everything. 387 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,560 You stop prioritizing your goals. 388 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,440 And that's really how it manifests to be in this dynamic 389 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,240 where you don't feel happy, you don't feel supported, and you 390 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,680 don't feel loved by your partner. 391 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,600 Especially if, like at the beginning they were great, but 392 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,640 then down the line they started to shift and you didn't stand up 393 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,680 for yourself when this man started pulling stuff that was 394 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:28,440 disrespectful. You have to always show a man 395 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:33,840 what he cannot get away with, what you are not willing to put 396 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,400 up with because that's the only way he's going to respect your 397 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,960 wishes. And a man that knows your 398 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,360 boundaries and he still crosses them, he's not for you. 399 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,720 You'll never be happy with a man like that because if he doesn't 400 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:52,040 respect you, if if he can't even give you respect, then there is 401 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:56,680 no reason to fight for this person because love isn't enough 402 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,520 for a long term successful relationship. 403 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,680 You need to have that respect, underlying respect for one 404 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,200 another. You have to have that friendship 405 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,600 and you have to have that drive that you want to work for this 406 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,440 relationship. To have a happy, successful 407 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:19,440 relationship, there needs to be effort on both ends from each 408 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,480 person and they have to show up every day wanting to work on 409 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,920 this relationship, grow and nurture it. 410 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,960 And if it's always just one sided, then it's always going to 411 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:34,560 create a dynamic where for the one person that's always 412 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,160 nurturing, it builds resentment. So not only you see these women 413 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:42,040 really unhappy, but they deep down they resent this man 414 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,640 because they cannot be their authentic self. 415 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,560 They're not happy. They feel like they wasted their 416 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:53,800 time and they feel stuck. That's why always focusing on 417 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:59,720 yourself and continuing to work on yourself no matter what, 418 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,760 whether you're in a relationship or whatever it is you're going 419 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,920 through in life, you need to make yourself the center of your 420 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,400 world. Always make yourself everything. 421 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,880 Even if you are in a relationship and you found a 422 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:16,520 great person, you need to continue loving yourself because 423 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:20,240 it's so easy for us to go from being single. 424 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,400 And you know, we build that relationship, that connection 425 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,320 with ourselves. We love spending time with 426 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,480 ourselves. And then we get into a 427 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,160 relationship and we find someone that we love so much. 428 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,040 But then we stop prioritizing ourself because we're like, Oh 429 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,600 my God, I just love this person so much. 430 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:36,960 I just want to do everything for them. 431 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,360 I want to make them happy. Like that's what matters so much 432 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:41,760 to me. But then guess what? 433 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,840 You stop focusing yourself. You stop prioritizing yourself. 434 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:49,680 You stop going after your goals and you know this, this sucks, 435 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,880 but the second that you stop prioritizing yourself and you 436 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,400 start just only focusing on making that other person happy 437 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,800 is when they start to take advantage of you. 438 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,120 They start to walk all over you and their energy towards you 439 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:05,640 shifts because someone that loves you, they want to see you 440 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,280 thriving. Like nobody wants to be in a 441 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,480 relationship with a person that just is like obsessing over them 442 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,160 and being put on a pedestal. It's unattractive. 443 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:21,120 You know a lot of women, they, they love a man so much that 444 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:26,000 they like, smother him with her energy, her focus and attention 445 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,760 to the point that it's too much. Focus on yourself. 446 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,360 Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, doing 447 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,360 things for you, doing things that you love. 448 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,280 Make yourself the center of your world and he will too. 449 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:43,040 That's the secret. Always prioritize yourself, no 450 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,680 matter how long you've been with that person, still make time for 451 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,960 you. Otherwise over time, you're 452 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,760 going to be even even more needy. 453 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,360 You're going to be needing more validation, more reassurance, 454 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,440 whatever everything is, it's going to be needed from them. 455 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,840 And that gets really draining on the other person. 456 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,720 And that's why it can like lead to them losing that attraction 457 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,840 for you. And also it's a really selfish 458 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,240 thing to do because it should not be anyone's responsibility 459 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:18,120 to make you feel validated and having that reassurance. 460 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:23,120 There has to be some level of response, self responsibility or 461 00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:27,560 an accountability to take care of filling that void yourself. 462 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:33,200 You don't ever go into a relationship and finding an epic 463 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,840 love. When you are feeling your worst 464 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:40,560 and you don't love yourself, you will only attract someone that 465 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,360 makes you feel even more lonely. It's always when you're 466 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:49,680 vibrating high and you love yourself and you're so happy 467 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,080 with your life and you don't you're not even looking for 468 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:58,840 anything else to make it better. That's when an epic love comes 469 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,680 into your life. But you have to continue 470 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,520 maintaining that relationship with yourself over time as well 471 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,880 because if you lose yourself in it, it's not going to be good. 472 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,240 It can never be anyone's responsibility to make you 473 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:14,560 happy. You have to create that 474 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,840 happiness from within. It's OK to have someone that can 475 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,960 give you reassurance and still make you feel loved. 476 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:26,240 But I mean, if someone tells you they love you and you know, 477 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,800 after a few days, you because you haven't heard them say I 478 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,360 love you in a few days, you're like, oh, do they still love me? 479 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,560 You know, you know those posts on Instagram where it's just 480 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,720 like, would you still love me if I was a worm or, or just out of 481 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,000 nowhere asking your man, do you still love me? 482 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,320 Women and men are programmed very different, right? 483 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,360 All women probably relate to this because we are very in our 484 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,040 head. We are very analytical. 485 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:02,240 We overthink everything where men don't. 486 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:06,360 If there's stability and consistency, that's enough to 487 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,640 tell a man that everything's good, all is well. 488 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,840 He's not thinking. Does she still love me? 489 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,400 Is she going to leave me? Most men, they don't think like 490 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:17,120 that. It's just women do because we 491 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:21,680 are overthinkers and it's your responsibility to understand 492 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,960 that. Don't let your mind sabotage 493 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:29,080 your stuff. Sometimes, especially women, 494 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,080 have so many hormones compared to men. 495 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,840 Like our hormones are constantly shifting and the different 496 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:40,200 cycles that we go through throughout the month, there's a 497 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,680 lot going on. So it's really important to 498 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:47,200 understand that sometimes you're just going to feel a little more 499 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,480 like intrusive thoughts and stuff, but to never let that 500 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,960 affect you. And you give yourself that 501 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:57,600 validation by telling yourself again who you are. 502 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,720 I am a goddess. I am an incredible woman. 503 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:05,120 I have so much to offer. I bring so many blessings into 504 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,600 people's lives. I change lives for the better. 505 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,880 I am the best thing that's ever happened to my man. 506 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:14,680 He is so happy to have me. I am in the most loving 507 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:18,120 relationship ever. And also focus on gratitude, 508 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,760 right when you're in a weird headspace where you're just 509 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:27,320 overthinking, gratitude can be really powerful because it just 510 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:32,000 helps you realize that there's a lot of good in your life. 511 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,720 And what I find is gratitude will always overpower those 512 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,440 negative thoughts and intrusive thoughts when you can really 513 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:42,240 focus on something that you are truly grateful for. 514 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,640 Going back to what I was saying, you guys, I don't follow a 515 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:51,240 script or anything like that. I just say whatever comes to 516 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,320 mind at the top of my head. If you are dealing with 517 00:31:55,360 --> 00:32:01,080 inconsistency and you are always just feeling triggered by them, 518 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:06,400 their absence or what they are aren't doing, number one, get 519 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,960 turned off by it. You know, this is something that 520 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,400 I have inside my Irresistible Woman formula. 521 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,040 That's one of my newest programs that I just launched recently, 522 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,320 but it's called my husband would never. 523 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,440 And that is pretty much just describing OK. 524 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:30,040 Like my husband would never ghost me or leave me on red for 525 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,600 a few days. My husband would never make me 526 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,520 question my worth. My husband would never be 527 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,120 following all these girls on social media and talking to all 528 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,720 these girls. My husband would never leave me 529 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:49,680 feeling like a second option. My husband would never let me go 530 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,320 to sleep crying about how poorly he treats me. 531 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:58,080 My husband would never be the type of man that doesn't spoil 532 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,320 me or do nice things for me. No, because when someone's 533 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:06,400 ghosting you, it's a very like right in the moment type of 534 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,800 worry and fear and anxiety. It's not a long term thing that 535 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,000 you're worried about, but it should be. 536 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,640 You should be worried about. How is this going to play out 537 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:19,280 long term? So I'm going to have to deal 538 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:23,280 with someone being in and out of my life, being in a situation 539 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:27,120 ship, having this man choose when he wants to see me. 540 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,800 Everything's on his terms. I'm going to be with the man 541 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,000 that makes everything about himself and doesn't even 542 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,840 consider what I want or what I need. 543 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,440 Is that just going to be my life? 544 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,720 Is that what I'm going to put up with for years and years on end 545 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,880 when my husband is out there waiting for me? 546 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:50,480 Is my soul mate someone that makes me second guess myself and 547 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,120 treats me poorly? No, that's not your soul mate. 548 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:58,920 So I want you to like look at the big picture of why is this 549 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,920 person in your circle? Is he deserving to be in your 550 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,160 circle right now? I don't think so. 551 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,960 I want you to get so turned off by this behavior that you 552 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,760 actually look forward to not talking to him goodbye. 553 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,040 I don't want to talk to you because the the the thought of 554 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,920 you irritates me. I get the most biggest ick even 555 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,199 thinking like the fact that I gave you a chance or I gave you 556 00:34:22,199 --> 00:34:25,080 my time. I don't care who you are. 557 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,840 I don't care how successful you are. 558 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,239 I don't care how much money you have. 559 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,760 If you can't do the bare minimum and treat me right, then I don't 560 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,360 want it because guess what? I have an abundance mindset when 561 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,199 it comes to men. I don't think you're the first 562 00:34:40,199 --> 00:34:44,880 successful man that I'm going to interact with and have in my 563 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:48,159 life, No. There's plenty of wealthy men 564 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,199 that are looking for a genuine loving connection. 565 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:56,360 And I know that I'm not just going to continue settling 566 00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:01,200 because that's what I noticed. Why people hold on to these 567 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,680 people that are just draining their time and energy, It's 568 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:11,520 either because they're attracted to him physically there, there's 569 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:15,720 a great romantic connection, like when it comes to intimacy 570 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:21,360 or whatever, or he has money. But I mean, Bessie, like if he's 571 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,600 not even giving you that money, what good is he? 572 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,240 You know, even if he's successful, you're thinking like 573 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:31,880 down the line, like if I continue to be with this man, 574 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,720 like maybe one day like he's going to be able to provide for 575 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:38,440 me and take care of me. But is he providing for you now? 576 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,400 Is he taking care of you now? If he isn't, then he shouldn't 577 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:47,440 be your priority. And if you are on the other side 578 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,080 where you are entertaining this man because he's really 579 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:55,560 attractive or he's good and bad or whatever it is, I want you to 580 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,520 look at the big picture of that's just not enough. 581 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:05,000 Like intimacy fades at the end of the day, you're winning when 582 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,320 you have someone that you share a really great physical 583 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,600 connection with, but a great soul connection. 584 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,800 Because guess what? The emotional intimacy is going 585 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,280 to be more important down the line. 586 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,440 That's what matters. You want your man to still love 587 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:24,120 you and be attracted to you like he was from day one because you 588 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,680 guys have that emotional intimacy always. 589 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,520 Look from the big picture. Is this man even husband 590 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,480 material? If I married this man, what 591 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:39,480 would my marriage look like? Would I always be anxious and 592 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,120 stressed out and worrying about him in my marriage? 593 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:46,280 Because trust me, you do not want to be in a situation like 594 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:47,760 that. So you save yourself so much 595 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,760 time when you just like take yourself out of like what's 596 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,120 currently going on. OK, He's not, he's not getting 597 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,440 back to you. But like, what's the big 598 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:56,840 picture? Like, what's the outcome 'cause 599 00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,560 if you're looking for like someone to start a life with, 600 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,600 you're looking for something long term, then this is just not 601 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,120 going to cut it. If you're looking for someone to 602 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:09,600 just like talk to and someone to just constantly like feed your 603 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:15,280 ego, then I mean, you might as well find someone that like is 604 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,960 obsessed with you, not making you constantly question your 605 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,840 worth too, right? The goal is to only be attracted 606 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,280 to men who are obsessed with you in a healthy way, of course, 607 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,880 right? Because it's like we get the ick 608 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,000 with a man that's like overly obsessed, like he needs to still 609 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,560 be like that provider masculine man, but he also knows how to be 610 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:41,400 gentle and make you feel really safe and provided and taken care 611 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,080 of. Go into dating thinking like, 612 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:51,120 what is this man able to provide for me and offer me that I, how 613 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,640 can this man make my life better than it already is? 614 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:58,120 You're not looking for a man to come in and save the day and 615 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,320 complete you. You're already complete within 616 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,480 yourself. I feel like we're going to leave 617 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,600 it at that for today. I hope that you guys received a 618 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:12,480 lot of Nuggets of wisdom and if this podcast episode was able to 619 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,800 help, feel free to leave a comment of what you thought 620 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:20,680 about this episode. And if you haven't already, feel 621 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:24,120 free to leave a five star rating on the podcast. 622 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,680 It would mean so much. Thank you so much for listening 623 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,080 you guys, and I will see you in the next episode.