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Hello, my loves, and welcome to 
another podcast episode of Busy 

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Glowing Up. 
I'm your host Liv Marima, and in

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today's episode we're going to 
be getting brutally honest. 

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We're going to be getting real 
in this episode. 

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And this is something that I 
have felt really called to make.

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And I think that a lot of people
will benefit from this. 

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I have also deeply benefited 
from this myself. 

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And I think that this is just 
something that I know for a fact

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is going to change everything 
for you if you actually like sit

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with this and implement 
everything I'm about to share 

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with you. 
Also want to say that this may 

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trigger some people because not 
everyone is in a phase in a 

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place in their life where 
they're ready to do this type of

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work. 
And that's OK. 

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And that is facing the ego. 
A lot of people in the love and 

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like community are we're are 
always talking about, you know, 

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focus on loving yourself, 
telling yourself how incredible 

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and amazing you are and how much
other people love you. 

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But the reason why that could 
actually be sabotaging you, 

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especially if you're someone 
that's, you know, you've been 

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doing inner work and all the 
healing work for years now and 

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you feel like you're still the 
same person. 

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You feel like you haven't had 
like significant changes. 

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You still feel like you're 
attracting the same types of 

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relationship dynamics that you 
are still spiraling into being 

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triggered and sabotaging. 
And you just, you know, at a 

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core that you fully haven't 
changed and you're not being the

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version of yourself that you 
know you want to be. 

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You know that I talk a lot about
self concept work. 

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That's everything that I teach, 
that's it's revolved around my 

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business and the way that I help
clients. 

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But what I have been noticing is
that what happens with self 

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concept work and the way that 
it's taught, especially just 

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like on social media and 
everywhere, is to just focus on 

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the good and telling yourself 
the new story. 

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Yes, that's a part of it, but 
the reason why you continue to 

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sabotage and overtime the 
results they they just don't 

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last. 
Like let's say for example, I've

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seen this time and time again 
where people start doing self 

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concept work and they get their 
person back or they get into a 

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relationship. 
They find the person of their 

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dreams because they haven't 
actually faced their shadow and 

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understanding like their ego, 
the parts of themselves that 

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they don't like, they haven't 
actually faced that and like 

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transcended it. 
It starts to sabotage them over 

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time in the relationship. 
It's so easy to tell yourself 

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that you are an incredible 
person and that you're amazing 

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and to just like it's so easy to
focus on the parts that are the 

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best about you. 
But what happens is you're 

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actually blindsided by the parts
that are sabotaging you. 

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And the ego has a funny way of 
keeping that blindsided part of 

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you hidden and you're not aware 
of your patterns and behaviors 

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that are behaviors that are 
sabotaging you because it 

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doesn't want you to change. 
It wants to stay the same. 

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The ego doesn't want change. 
So for example, you can do years

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of healing, years of therapy, 
but if you aren't able to 

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actually face your shadow and 
understand the patterns about 

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you that are actually holding 
you back and what's been self 

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sabotaging you, and you're 
unable to actually face those 

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parts of yourself. 
And when I say facing them, it's

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actually admitting it to 
yourself. 

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For example, you're doing all 
the work for years and years, 

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but you're still seeing yourself
as a victim. 

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Keeping yourself in a victim 
mentality is a form of sabotage,

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and I see it time and time again
now, the reason why earlier I 

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was saying that this work isn't 
for everyone. 

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Not everyone's ready to hear it.
If you are in a victim mentality

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and someone brings up something 
that actually like brings to 

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your awareness that you are 
operating from a victim 

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mentality, you're going to get 
so triggered by it. 

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You're going to tell them that 
they are wrong, that they don't 

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know what they're talking about,
and you're going to convince 

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yourself that you are not a 
victim of your reality. 

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And the way the victim mentality
sabotages is that it blames 

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everything outside of them. 
That the reason why your 

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relationships aren't working out
is because that there's no good 

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men out there. 
Or maybe the reason why your 

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relationship didn't work out is 
because that person has a lot of

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trauma. 
They have so many issues. 

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They have all these things 
right? 

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Always looking for external 
factor. 

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If you find yourself going into 
that place where you're 

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constantly blaming things around
you, that's how you know your 

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shadow is actually coming from a
place of victimhood. 

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And this is actually a beautiful
thing. self-awareness, 

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self-awareness and actually 
knowing how to implement 

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changing and integrating those 
shadow parts to yourself. 

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Your life is going to change. 
If you feel like you're someone 

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that has been stuck and no 
matter what they do, nothing 

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changes, it's most likely 
because you're focused on the 

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wrong things that you need to 
actually integrate. 

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You know, if you're focused on 
the good, that's really great, 

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but the things that are weighing
you down, you're not addressing 

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and it's dragging you down and 
you're not aware of it because 

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the ego keeps it hidden. 
When instead you can actually 

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look and ask yourself, let's say
you're in a situation of dynamic

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and you want to change. 
You want to show up and do 

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things differently. 
Ask yourself, am I being a 

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victim right now in my reality 
or am I taking accountability? 

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Am I actually looking at how I 
played a part in this and how 

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this was actually created by me?
What parts of me have actually 

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made this my reality? 
How is this my fault? 

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It's beautiful to like take the 
time to actually admit things to

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yourself you like the most 
realist person. 

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If you can be real with 
yourself, not only are you going

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to attract experiences where 
people feel really safe, but it 

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also builds that emotional 
intelligence. 

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It is so so attractive to be 
someone who is self aware and 

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owns their shit. 
Now I am making this podcast 

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episode because this is what I 
struggled with for the longest 

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time. 
I was so blindsided by my own 

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patterns and I fully, I thought 
that I was owning my stuff. 

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But the the more I dug deeper, I
realized actually, no, the parts

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that were weighing me down, I 
couldn't actually see. 

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I only saw fragments of it. 
And that's why there are certain

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parts of my journey that I felt 
like I couldn't fully transcend.

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And now a practice that I do on 
a day-to-day basis is reflecting

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within myself of like, OK, how 
did I play a role in this? 

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How is this my doing? 
How could I have showed up 

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better? 
What would I have done 

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differently? 
Am I operating from a victim 

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mentality? 
Am I shaming myself for shit I 

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shouldn't be shaming myself for?
Because another thing that you 

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don't realize is it's not just 
victim mentality that's a part 

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of the ego. 
People pleasing shaming yourself

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even if you think that you, you 
should feel bad. 

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Like, let's say you make a 
mistake and you should feel bad 

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about it. 
If you can't actually like let 

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go of that shame and you 
continue to hold on to that, 

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it's actually coming from the 
ego. 

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And it's because you want to 
focus more on the emotion than 

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what's actually happening and 
seeing the big picture. 

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It keeps you blindsided. 
The part that most people have 

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been missing when it comes to 
actual personal development and 

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changing their habits and 
patterns and behaviors for good 

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is facing those parts of 
themselves that are hard to 

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face, that are hard to admit, 
that are hard to take 

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accountability for and say, you 
know what? 

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This is my mistake, this is my 
fault, this is my wrongdoing. 

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And also admitting, like, you 
know what, the way I showed up, 

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the way that I handled it, I 
would have done things 

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completely different. 
And I see how I was sabotaging, 

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how I was projecting onto 
others, how I was also a 

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contributor to this problem, to 
this experience. 

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And what the ego loves to do is 
to use labels. 

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Using labels is, in a way 
excusing yourself, where then 

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you don't have to really face 
that part of yourself because 

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you could say, oh, well, you 
know, the reason why I'm acting 

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like this is because of my 
childhood trauma and what I 

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experienced. 
Or the reason I'm acting like 

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this was because of that toxic 
relationship I was in in high 

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school. 
And the reason I'm like this is 

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because I have anxiety or I have
ADHD or I had a really hard year

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and I'm going through a lot, 
right? 

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This is something that is just 
built in our human nature. 

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It's something that we all do. 
I'll admit 100%. 

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The amount of times looking 
back, I realized that I have 

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used excuses to excuse my 
behaviors, my patterns for 

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things that happen to to me so 
long ago that have built around 

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my identity, myself concept. 
And the part of doing this work 

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is to be able to admit to 
yourself, even though this is 

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what I encountered in my past, 
even though I have been through 

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a lot, it's actually my 
responsibility to work on those 

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patterns, to work on those 
behaviors. 

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And being able to spot when I am
showing up in a way that is 

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actually not benefiting me. 
That's not benefiting others 

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around and not excusing myself 
for it and choosing to be the 

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change and make the change 
because you don't have to 

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change, but you can if you want 
to, right? 

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It really comes down to this is 
when most people change, they 

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have they hit rock bottom in 
their life where at one point 

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just everything feels upside 
down and they completely lost 

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themselves. 
That's usually when people have 

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their breakthrough moment of 
like, that's it. 

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I'm done. 
I have to change. 

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I can't do this anymore. 
And you often also get to a 

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place where you're just like, I 
can't stand myself. 

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I can't stand who I'm being. 
I don't like myself. 

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I don't like the way that I'm 
acting and the way I'm showing 

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up in my reality. 
And you don't. 

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AB absolutely. 
You don't have to wait to hit 

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rock bottom to change. 
You can simply just decide today

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you want to change because you 
want to be the best version of 

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yourself and you want to master 
emotional intelligence and 

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personal development and develop
a sense of self-awareness that 

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most people don't ever reach 
throughout their entire life, 

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right? 
This is an ongoing process, but 

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true change comes with calling 
yourself out and being able to 

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call yourself out on your own BS
sometimes. 

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And I'm sure that throughout 
your life you've had people call

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you out on your BS and they've 
probably like said, hey, like I 

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don't like the way you're doing 
this or you know what? 

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When you do this, it makes me 
feel XYZ, right? 

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But if you're in your ego, when 
someone tells you that, you're 

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going to get defensive, you're 
not going to like that, you're 

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not going to take that and 
you're going to somehow project 

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it onto them. 
You're going to come up with 

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either excuses. 
You're going to go straight into

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victimhood. 
And you know, you can even like 

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try to like, you know, portray 
the story of like, oh, well, I 

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didn't mean to. 
And it's just because of this 

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and I I had no idea, right. 
It's acting like unaware of what

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you did. 
That's something that also I 

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struggled with. 
That's why I know this episode 

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can be really triggering. 
And I know sometimes the way I 

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say stuff is just very blunt. 
But trust me, everything that I 

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talk about and all of my content
is stuff that I have personally,

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like overcome within myself. 
Like I didn't get to where I am 

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by not making a bunch of 
mistakes and by not having to 

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have like a lot of moments where
I'm just like, admitting to 

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myself of like, wow, like, you 
got to change this. 

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I believe I shared a bit about 
my story, my childhood in one of

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my earlier episodes. 
And the reason why I don't talk 

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too much about it is because, 
you know, I really do believe 

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that whatever you came or 
experienced in your childhood 

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does not define who you are 
unless you allow it to. 

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I came from a very abusive 
household, alcoholic father. 

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And for me, what I had to 
consciously change within myself

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was my beliefs around love, 
around relationships, around men

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specifically. 
Just because what I grew up 

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seeing, I could have either 
taken the route of allowing that

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to make my mindset set in stone 
of this is how all men are, this

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is how love and relationships 
go. 

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This is what marriage is like 
and I had to consciously rewire 

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my mind and my beliefs around 
what I grew up experiencing and 

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no longer placing that into my 
current experiences and 

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projecting that onto others. 
Because what happens here is 

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what we grow up seeing is 
consciously what we are going to

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look for in our adult life 
because it's familiar. 

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Even if it's not serving us at 
some level, it's still it's 

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familiar. 
So and that brings us comfort, 

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even if it is sabotaging us. 
That's why it's so important for

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you to break that pattern and 
break what it is that you 

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believe is familiar. 
What you believe is possible for

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you, what you believe you're 
deserving and worthy of, and 

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your beliefs around love and 
relationships, marriage, all of 

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those things because if you 
don't address those beliefs, 

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they are going to play out in 
your reality. 

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Another example of this is let's
say you are someone that is you 

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always are in a dynamic where 
the guy you want doesn't want 

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you. 
He's avoidant, he's nonchalant, 

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you're always the one chasing 
after him. 

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You're going to keep attracting 
those types of men because at 

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some core level, like it is 
serving you because it's 

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familiar, it's there. 
There's that comfort in that. 

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Because if let's say you're 
someone that you always want the

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bad boys, right? 
You finally attract a man that 

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is really sweet. 
He's loving. 

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He gives you like the most like 
tender affection, Princess 

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treatment. 
You're going to actually 

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probably be turned off by it. 
And I see this happen a lot with

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women, right? 
You don't want the bad boy 

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because he's a bad boy. 
You want that because at some 

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core level that's like playing 
out some sort of experience that

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you had with your father or in 
your childhood with one parent 

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or the other, because your 
perception of love is trying to 

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earn it, that you don't just 
receive love. 

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People don't just give you love.
You have to work for it. 

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And so that's where you get 
mixed up with love and like this

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passionate, like sparks flying. 
Love is actually supposed to be 

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something that's chaotic in in 
your mind. 

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It has to be this really hard 
struggle and roller coaster of 

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emotions and tears and you know,
trying so hard to make it work 

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because that's the type of love 
that is the type of love you see

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in movies. 
Every single person you're 

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attracted to speaks with how 
what you believe you're worthy 

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and deserving of the man you 
choose to entertain the man you 

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choose and pick speaks volumes 
of how you see yourself. 

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Essentially, when you see a 
woman with a man that treats her

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poorly, that walks all over her,
that speaks poorly about her, 

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makes fun of her, secretly 
envies her, right? 

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It's, it's one thing like that 
speaks volumes about his 

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character, but it also speaks 
even louder about the type of 

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woman that she is, what she 
believes she's worthy and 

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deserving of. 
And it's like everyone can pick 

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up on it. 
Same with when you see a woman 

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that is with a man that is just 
completely in love with her, 

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that is so gentle and loving and
affectionate with her, where he 

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always speaks very highly of 
her. 

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He's her biggest supporter and 
fan. 

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Now back to what I was talking 
about with the ego and stuff, 

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you know, I don't ever have any 
notes or anything for my 

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podcast. 
I just like, you know, just 

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whatever comes from the top of 
my head, I just go straight into

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it. 
But that's where you got to take

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the accountability and look 
within of like, you know, I am 

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choosing this, you know, like 
even though it's so unfortunate 

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and sad to see that there is 
some women that are in like 

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really toxic relationships, 
right? 

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Like my mom, she wanted to leave
my dad for so long, but she kept

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telling herself the story of I'm
staying for the kids and I can't

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leave because I have to stay. 
When in reality, it was because 

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she was choosing that. 
Even though it was hurting her, 

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it was hurting us, it was 
hurting everybody. 

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She was choosing that because it
was. 

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It felt safer for her to stay 
than to go off and be a single 

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mom and have to figure it out on
her own. 

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Or it's easier to stay in this 
toxic relationship because 

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you're afraid that you won't 
find a connection as strong and 

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you're afraid to go out and be 
alone and even face the 

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potential of being single for a 
long time or even choosing to be

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hung up on someone for such a 
long time. 

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Because on some core level, it 
brings you comfort. 

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And it brings you that comfort 
from the victimhood of I'm not 

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being chosen. 
I'm not getting what I want. 

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I'm living in struggle and it's 
really hard for me and I'm not 

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being chosen, I'm not being 
prioritized, I'm not being seen.

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That's the part that it's just 
like a, oh, I don't want to 

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admit that to myself. 
There's a lot of people in my 

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world that are asking me how do 
I manifest a specific person 

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back? 
How do I get my ex back? 

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And they've been trying for 
months or even years. 

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And the way that it's taught in 
the love and Light community is 

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just just tell yourself that 
you're obsessed with yourself, 

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that he's obsessed with you. 
You're magnetic, all these 

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things. 
But in reality, what is this 

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doing still keeping you 
blindsided? 

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You're not seeing the full 
picture over here. 

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You're focused on like the 
little things that actually 

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don't matter. 
Yes, you can tell yourself that 

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you're obsessed. 
Yes, You can say that he's 

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obsessed with you. 
Do affirmations work? 

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Yes, but does that mean that 
even if you get your ex back by 

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00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,280
saying all these affirmations, 
are you going to be able to 

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sustain that long term? 
No, not if you haven't done the 

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00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,600
proper work, which is actually 
like facing those parts of 

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yourself that sabotage the 
relationship to begin with. 

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Because the reason why 
relationships end to begin with 

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is projections projecting onto 
others of Oh my God, he doesn't 

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want to be with me, or oh he's 
he's out talking to someone else

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or he's going to leave me. 
He's annoyed with me, he doesn't

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want to open up with me and 
communicate with me or just like

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a bunch of other things, right? 
Like and vice versa. 

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Projections is what ends the 
relationship. 

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So even if you're hung up on an 
X and you want them back, you 

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00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,760
got to really ask yourself, 
like, do I want them back? 

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00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,400
Or is there some level of 
comfort for me not being able to

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00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,080
move on with my life? 
For me to sit here and reminisce

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00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,640
on the moments I shared with 
this person? 

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00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,640
Because it feels a lot more 
comfortable for me to like live 

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00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,800
in the past and to like really 
sit with myself and focus on the

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00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:55,920
now that one, that one is 
definitely something that may 

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00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,400
call out a few people. 
But again, I, I, I gave you guys

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00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,640
a warning like this is going to 
be a little bit triggering, 

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00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,280
right? 
This is not for everyone. 

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00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,920
So if you are listening to this 
right now and you're triggered 

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00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,080
good. 
I always tell this to people, 

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if, if this type of work is 
triggering you, that means that 

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00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,280
it's that work for you. 
Because if you weren't triggered

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00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,600
by it, you'd be like, no, that's
not me. 

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00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,160
No, I'm not experiencing that. 
Then you'd just be like 

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00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,000
unbothered by it. 
You'd be neutral. 

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00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,520
So if you're triggered, that's 
good. 

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00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,520
That's how you know this is 
something for you to actually 

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00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,800
like sit down and self reflect. 
The way that you self reflect is

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00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,200
like journaling it out, like 
asking yourself these questions,

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00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,200
asking yourself and talking to 
yourself, like telling the 

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00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,560
things that you don't even want 
to admit to yourself. 

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00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,640
You would be so shocked by just 
journaling things, asking 

360
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,440
yourself, why am I doing this? 
Why do I keep repeating this 

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00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,040
pattern? 
Where is it coming from? 

362
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,600
And actually calling yourself 
out, You're going to experience 

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00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,160
that. 
You might not even want to write

364
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,200
it out. 
You probably don't even want to 

365
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,240
admit it to yourself. 
That's how you know your ego's 

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00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,960
been keeping you blindsided. 
And if you're listening to this 

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00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,680
and you're like, you know what? 
I'm ready to get started with 

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00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,680
this work. 
I'm ready to get brutally honest

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00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,400
with myself. 
I actually created a 50 page 

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00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,040
workbook. 
It's called Stop Chasing and 

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00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:17,080
Start Being Chased in 12 days. 
Each day you take 10 minutes to 

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00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,440
really reflect with yourself 
answering the journal prompts. 

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00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,120
And oh, it's going to bring a 
lot of stuff to surface, but 

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00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,520
you're going to be taking the 
process of actually integrating 

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00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,720
all of these shadow parts to 
yourself and breaking these 

376
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,520
patterns so that you don't keep 
going into the spiral over and 

377
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,520
over again. 
If you want to get started right

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00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,440
now, you can download it in the 
description below. 

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00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,280
And that is it for today. 
You guys, for those of you who 

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00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,280
stayed to the very end, I love 
you. 

381
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,920
You guys are the real ones. 
Because this episode wasn't the 

382
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,480
easiest to hear. 
There could have been times 

383
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,960
where you may have been 
triggered. 

384
00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:00,960
You may have been as always, 
please be sure to leave the 

385
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,520
podcast 5 star review if you 
haven't already. 

386
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,240
It helps so much. 
It helps push the podcast to 

387
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,840
other people who also might be 
interested and learning about 

388
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,440
this work. 
And also feel free to send me 

389
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,400
Adm on Instagram at live Marima.
Let me know what you think. 

390
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,080
I love hearing your guys's 
feedback and your guys's 

391
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,040
reviews. 
I absolutely love my podcast 

392
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,840
community so much. 
You guys are the best. 

393
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,120
Thank you so much for listening 
again. 

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00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,680
I will see you in the next 
episode.