People will always respect you more when you have boundaries
set in place that you do not let anybody cross, regardless of who
they are to you, of how long you've known them or what they
mean to you. There just comes a point in life
where you realize you are so sick of putting up with people
that continue to disrespect you, that don't see your value, and
that you are sitting here trying so hard to prove to them who you
are. And you just realize, what have
I been doing that all for? I don't even care to have this
person in my life. And the moment that you start
setting those boundaries in place and you tell them no, or
you tell them I don't want to deal with this anymore, I'm
totally OK with just cutting you out of my life.
Truly believe that at least half of the world struggles with
people pleasing. Where we put other people before
ourselves, where we let people walk all over us, we go out of
our way. We are constantly thinking about
others before ourself, where we don't even care to think about
how we feel. And it's to a point where
eventually you will just get so fed up you will not be happy.
You'll be tired of how people are treating you.
And that's where the boundaries and the change in your identity.
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode.
As you already figured out, we are going to be talking about
setting boundaries and also people pleasing tendencies.
We are going to completely kill off that identity, that version
of you that is always going out of their way for others.
That is putting people before themselves, not putting yourself
first. And we're gonna be stepping into
that. Don't mess with me energy where
we have boundaries set in place. Regardless of who it is in your
life, they're not gonna be able to step those boundaries and
people are gonna respect you more for it.
I want you to think of a time where someone in your life
crossed a boundary and you just let it happen because you were
more worried about the conflict or upsetting them more than
yourself. But then at the back of your
mind, you look back at that time and you realize, wow, I wish I
stood up for myself. That's OK because you learned
from that. You realized I don't want to be
that person anymore. And that's what today's all
about. You can decide to be a
completely different person now. It doesn't matter if a year ago
you were a people pleaser. Those people, they're going to
come into your life and they're going to try to pull the same
stuff on you. But after today, you're going to
be like, no, that's not me. And you can't pull that with me
anymore. That's just not who I am.
And I don't know who you think you are, but you're not going to
get away with that with me anymore, unfortunately.
Like, you want to disrespect me and say all these things to me
that are extremely offensive. Well, I'm not going to sit here
and take it. I'm actually going to put you in
your place. At this point.
I don't care if it upsets you, because I'd rather speak up for
myself, then let you place your weird projections onto me.
Men have a tendency of trying to overstep boundaries in
relationships. Most likely he is.
He probably has some inner work to do, But some men will try to
see how far they can get away with you and how much are you
going to tolerate. You need to realize that if
they're doing something you don't like, you need to cut it
off right off the bat. You cannot just let it slide and
think, oh, maybe he'll be better, like next week.
Or maybe he'll learn from this time.
No, you need to set it in place. Don't do that again.
And that's the thing. Sometimes they just need that
little reminder of, like, no, you're not doing this.
I will not tolerate that. And the second you step into
that version of yourself, that's like, I'm not afraid to confront
you with how I feel. They're going to respect you so
much more for that because they're going to realize, OK, I
can't mess with this person, they're not going to deal with
my bullshit. So it's either I work on it and
change it or they're out the door and that is such an
attractive energy because they will want you even more.
The more that you are just setting your boundaries and
focused on you, the more than be like, wow, I want this woman.
That is the type of energy we want to have.
So if someone is bothering you and you are fed up with it,
don't be afraid to just respectfully, obviously don't
get emotional, don't take your anger out on them.
You want to approach this in a respectful way, like don't do
that again because I'm not willing to put up with that.
You actually over set my boundaries and I just thought
I'd let you know because there won't be a next time
respectfully. And you know what guys like I
get it. I used to be that very nice
girl. I still struggle sometimes.
I really struggle to, like, be that type of girl that says no
or like, don't mess with me. I'm very, I'm very passive.
But I've learned so many times that I need to stand up for
myself when that time comes. Like, I am not just going to be
a pushover like I used to be. And once I started setting my
boundaries and standing up for myself, people don't mess with
me. It's crazy, like, people just
know I'm not going to deal with it anymore.
That version of me is gone, like I had to.
There was like that little time stamp where I made the shift
within myself concept. And I was like, you know, I'm
actually sick of being this type of person, and that's exactly
what I teach in my workshop. You first need to identify who
you no longer want to be in order to make the change.
Because it's hard to think, OK, who do I want to be?
OK, let's start with who do I don't want to be?
What am I sick and tired of with my behaviors, with my reality,
how people are showing up? I don't want to be a pushover.
I don't want people to cross my boundaries.
I don't want people to think of me as a second option.
OK, so you have identified who you no longer want to be and now
you're going to decide how are you going to show up now?
You are going to have to stick to that new story, OK?
You are not going to let people cross your boundaries.
So someone's going to try to cross your boundaries, but this
time you're going to not tolerate it.
You're going to show up with a different energy.
You're going to do something that you have never done before.
You're going to say no, You're going to actually tell them I'm
not dealing with this or actually I don't want you in my
life anymore. I'm just, I'm done with this and
it feels so good. Like it's one thing to like
think, OK, I want to be this person, but once you are that
person and you see how other people reflect it and that you
get that confirmation, like damn okay people now see me as this
new version, you are going to feel so powerful.
And this is exactly what I teach, right?
Like, obviously boundaries are super important, but this works
too. Like if you want to change the
way other people are showing up, you need to change the way that
you're feeling and thinking about yourself within yourself.
Concept. Even if you're trying to attract
a man into your life, let's say you want to attract a wealthy
man you're so used to dating like these bare minimum guys,
you want the top notch ones, even if you're trying to attract
like a high value man into your life.
Let's say that you realize that you're always going for these
guys that you always knew deep down you can do better.
OK, so you want to start attracting high value man.
OK, you need to change the way that you're feeling about
yourself. I no longer identify as someone
that's attracted to these fuck boys.
Like if you were holding that old self concept, the old
identity of I I'm attracted to fuck boys.
I'm attracted to people that are inconsistent with me.
You will. You can be in a room of like 100
people, 100 men and have rich ones like very great men and
fuck boys. If you are in the self concept
where you are attracted to those fuck boys, you are not even
going to look at the high value men, the one that you want.
You're going to still go for what you're attracted to, which
is the fuck boy. So you need to make sure that
you are changing your beliefs. OK?
I am no longer wanting to pursue fuck boys.
Actually that turns me off. I just don't want to deal with
that. Those are not the type of men
that I want to surround myself with anymore.
I'm just done with that era. That chapter is closed and
you're going to change the way that you are viewing yourself.
I view myself as someone that attracts high value men.
Amazing men approach me. They always want to pursue me.
They always want to Take Me Out on amazing dates.
They're giving me amazing treatment.
I don't have to ask for it. I don't have to do anything.
I just get to exist and look pretty and they are just going
out of their way for me because that's just the way it is.
I'm done with that chasing energy.
I'm not sitting here waiting for a good morning text.
Like I checked my phone in the morning from my new man and he
is going out of his way for me planning dates and it's amazing.
See, that's like the type of self talk that you need to start
telling yourself throughout the day if you are looking to
attract a high value man. Like even if this man is not
insight, you don't have to go on dating apps and stuff and you
don't have to go into these like hotels.
Like how some people say like you have to go to these fancy
hotels. No, like you can just manifest
them out of thin air. Like, leave that to the
universe. Just plant the seed of what you
want, create that identity of yourself.
Start acting as that girl, OK, maybe even switch up your look
like start dressing like a high value woman where you are just
like I look expensive, I look great, I feel like the best
version of myself. I feel hot.
Naturally you will just attract that man.
Trust me, I totally got sidetracked there.
But we're going to go back to the people pleasing and setting
boundaries. So if you are currently in a
situation with let's say a man specifically, and he is not
showing up the way that you want him to, maybe he's making you
feel, like disrespected. He's crossing your boundaries.
You are done putting up with it. Like maybe he's even
inconsistent with his text. Like he doesn't have to do
something huge for you to set that boundary and be like no,
I'm not dealing with this or completely cut him off.
Like it is completely up to you with what you are willing to put
up with because this is different for everyone.
Like some people are willing to persist through a lot more than
others. Like some people, they will
simply leave a relationship just because they feel something
slightly is off with someone where there's other people that
will stay like through thick and thin when deep down they know
they should have left. So that's also something that
maybe you should look into within yourself and address
within yourself. How are you operating when it
comes to relationships, when someone is disrespecting you or
you don't feel honored or valued?
How are you responding to this? Are you just letting it happen?
Are you firm with your boundaries?
Are you communicating to them what you are not willing to put
up with? How are you operating?
If before you used to tend to just let things slide, you
wouldn't really say what's on your mind.
You would just kind of push it away and just be like, oh, you
know what? Like they didn't mean to blah,
blah, blah, it's OK Well, now you're going to step into the
version of yourself that's like, I'm not dealing with that.
I didn't like that. And you know what?
Like I'm just not going to accept that anymore.
I'm not someones pushover. And you know what?
I'm going to make it clear because I deserve to stand up
for myself. If he's just being inconsistent
or even stressing you out, like I want you guys to understand
that relationships are supposed to make your life easier, not
harder. So if you find yourself like
always struggling in your relationship and it's making you
feel triggered all the time, like you have this pit in your
stomach, it's not supposed to be like that.
I used to experience this on a day-to-day basis for so long in
my relationship and it didn't click until after the
relationship. I was like, why do I feel so
much better? I feel free and it's because my
body was emotionally telling me like this is not for you.
So if they're constantly stressing you out and making you
overthink and second guess your own value and self worth, that
is your sign to take a step away from them.
Because that is a huge sign from your body telling you like this
person is digging up something or triggering something within
you. You need to take a step away
from them because they are clearly not in their most
authentic version of themselves. They clearly are probably
mirroring something deep down within yourself concept, but
they probably most likely are needing to work on themselves
too because I'm not the type to say.
Like a lot of people in the Law of Assumption community, they
say like everything that has happened to you, you created for
yourself. But like, I don't necessarily
agree with that. Like for example, people that
are like cheated on repeatedly, it's not necessarily just your
fault because that person has an option, a decision like if they
are willing to cheat or not. I don't want you to fully take
the blame for it. Okay back to what I was saying.
Don't be afraid to take a step away from someone that you know.
Deep down right now you guys are not on the same page.
A lot of people will stay in relationships because they would
rather deal with that then be alone or fear that they're going
to lose them forever if they choose to not talk for a little
bit. Like the whole break situation.
A lot of people, when they go on breaks and that's again where
you need to make sure that you address yourself concept where
you are not going to get jealous or worried that if you take a
break from this person like you tell them, look, I need time
away from you. I need to focus on myself.
You need to make sure that you are not going to make this even
worse by becoming jealous or thinking that they're going to
talk to other people or even being triggered that they're
talking to other people. Because like for me example,
like in myself concept, if I let's say we're to do that, I
tell someone, OK, I don't want to be with you right now.
Like let's just take a break. I will not get jealous.
I'll actually be like, yeah, you can talk to whoever you want.
Like, I don't care. Nobody's a threat to me because
I really do see how valuable I am.
Like, I'm not going to sit here and cry.
And even if you do talk to someone, I just know that, like,
you're not going to have the same connection that you had
with them with me. Like I'm choosing to manifest
that. Like our connection will always
be stronger and you will always feel that connection no matter
where you are. That's why I love manifestation.
Because you know, like you do have the ability to create your
reality and tweak things. If you want someone to love you.
Obviously it's not like I don't want you to think like it's a
forcing thing. It's more of like I'm addressing
the way I feel about myself. If I'm feeling really amazing
about myself, I'm feeling magnetic as fuck.
Naturally, that person is just going to view me that same way
they're going to put me on a pedestal.
So like anyone else that comes into their life, they're still
going to be thinking about me. Because again, I am creating
that experience for myself by just embodying the most
authentic, magnetic version of myself.
Now, creating boundaries means that when you say something, you
mean it, OK? Because you cannot commit to
being like, OK, I want to have boundaries.
I want to be someone that speaks up for myself, but then you
don't do anything about it because that is not going to
work out. Because then you're going to
show people like, OK, you're tough, but then they're going to
see that you actually don't mean it.
So you creating those boundaries will mean nothing to those
people because they're like, Oh yeah, like they'll change their
mind. It's fine.
Like, for example, if you create a boundary with someone, like if
you lied to me about something serious and I find out that you
lied about it, I'm out. And then let's say down the
road, they lie to you and you find out about it, but you stick
around and you are like, oh, that's OK.
They're not going to respect you.
And I get it. Like, sometimes we will.
For example, if you set a boundary where you're like, OK,
obviously you believe in, like, a second chance depending on
what they do. But let's say, like, lying's a
really big thing for you. Like, for me, that's a really
big thing. So you set the boundary with
them. If you lie to me and I catch you
for the second time, I'm out, this is completely over.
Obviously, we're probably saying, like, OK, let's say they
lied in the past, but then you forgave them and you told them,
like, if you ever do this again, this is done, I'm out.
And then it happens again. And what do you do?
You forgive them again? You're actually screwing
yourself over at this point. And trust me, like I've been
there, I've done that. And you know what?
Don't give them a second chance. You know, like I believe in
giving them like one chance. OK, maybe it was an accident.
Maybe you are meant for me. Maybe this will work out.
But a second time they do it, OK, now they're just playing you
and now you're making yourself look like you don't hold any
value or respect towards yourself.
And you don't want that. You don't want that for your own
self-image, and you don't deserve that.
Like, you don't deserve that, regardless of who it is.
And that's why I wanted to talk about this.
I don't care even if it's like your family member, if you're
obviously like, it's harder to cut out your family member.
I get it. But if your family member is
disrespecting you and they're putting you down, you do not
have to tolerate it. Sometimes you just need to speak
your truth on how you feel and stop bottling it up.
Because when you continue to let people put you down, it is just
going to continue to make yourself feel degraded.
And it's not a good feeling. But when you're able to even
just stand up and be like, you know what?
I'm going to put myself 1st and I'm not going to take that from
you. It feels so good because it's
like you got your own back. Sometimes it will feel like
everyone's against you. Nobody has your back, and when
everyone's putting you down, it hurts.
But when you're able to support yourself, stand up for yourself,
at the end of the day, I got my own back and I'm going to make
sure that I put me first and I take care of myself.
That is so powerful because again, you build a deeper
relationship with yourself like this, it's almost going to feel
like no matter what happens, you have yourself to fall back on.
And that's again what I teach in relationships, because when you
are going through a rough patch in your relationships, you
always will have yourself to fall back on.
You shouldn't be relying 100% on that person.
And it's not coming from I don't trust this person, but it's also
like I am independent person. I'm my own individual self.
I don't need someone that can still take care of myself.
Just because we are in a relationship does not mean that
we can't have our own individual lives and have our own things
going for us. A healthy relationship should be
that you guys are both growing. You are helping each other grow
more into a better individual. You guys are a team.
Going back to the family thing. If your family member is telling
you I don't like the way you dress, you can't do that.
And they're just like projecting all these things to you.
You can respectfully tell them, look, I don't appreciate this at
the end of the day, like I am still a human being.
I don't care if I am your family member.
Like you would not say this to anyone else.
Why do you think you can say it to me?
Just because we're family? You're supposed to be loving to
your family more than the other people in your life.
Usually like toxic parents or like family members.
They will be so nice, so fake to a far family, friend or like
just random people, but they will be.
So rude and harsh to their own family members, You should be
more loving to your family members.
And that really just shows like the more vulnerable and the more
you give to people, sometimes they'll take advantage of it.
And that's why you need to step in those boundaries, especially
in relationships. Guys like I talk about
relationships all the time because that's my favorite thing
to talk about. But really like if you are
spending so much time with someone and you're growing close
with them and they get comfortable with you, but almost
too comfortable to the point where they're disrespecting you,
you can't allow that. You don't deserve that, and you
are no longer going to choose to be the type of person that deals
with that. So when someone is trying to
piss you off or doing something you don't like, just tell them I
don't want to deal with this. I don't appreciate this, and
honestly, I don't know if I want to deal with this.
You can. You can even choose to leave
like, Oh my God, the amount of people that I've cut off.
Like, they just do something once.
And I'm like, you know what, I don't like you as a person
anymore Because if you're able to do this once, you're probably
going to do it again. And what's the point of me like
playing around and just seeing like, oh, maybe they'll change,
maybe they won't. Like, I just don't have the time
and energy for that. Obviously people do change.
Of course they do. Like, I literally help my
clients to have their specific person change.
Yes, people change. But are you willing to persist
through? That is the question.
You know? Because sometimes they're just
simply not worth your time and energy.
That's truth. OK, so to wrap up today's
episode, I want you to get clear on who you no longer want to be.
OK? Like, what are the behaviors
that you previously had that you no longer want to have?
Like, even write this down in a notebook or like in my workshop
too, You can download my workshop where I have this all
written out for you. Figure out who you no longer
want to be, then choose to decide who you now want to be.
And you got to step into that version of yourself.
This is where taking action comes in.
So people at first are going to view you as that old version.
They're going to try to take advantage of you.
They're going to try to get away away with things and that's
where you got to put them in your place.
Like, no, actually, I'm not that person anymore.
You can't do that. This is how it is now, and they
will be shook. And also, it really helps to
just thinking throughout the day as this new version, like I am
that badass version of myself that is able to stand her
grounds. Like, you can't mess with me.
I'm not going to let people walk all over me.
You want to be inconsistent with me?
Well, I'm not going to entertain that.
I have better things to do. Like that's the type of energy
you need to have now if you want to change yourself.
Concept of being someone that has boundaries set in place that
stands up for themselves. But that is all for today's
episode. Thank you guys so much for
listening. Thank you for everybody who is
rating the podcast Five Stars. It makes me so happy.
Thank you guys so much for listening and I will see you in
the next episode.