Romancing the Dungeon is a softcore DND podcast about
heroes navigating their daily lives while looking for love in
a world full of peril, monsters, and heartbreakers.
This show is intended for mature audiences as it contains adult
themes. Hey Ivan or Nate or Herfeste,
can I ask you a question? Content warnings for specific
episodes can be found in the episode description.
We won't be pushed over. OK, so I'm looking for fear.
If you actually what you should know before that is.
This is what's been happening. There's a sharp whistle that
cuts through the air and all of you can hear footsteps.
We need to move. What's What's the occasion?
Get this, I'm on the run. I'm going to try, for the first
time in my life, to dream. You come here, no invitation,
and you wish to speak to me on the same level.
And it just says one word without certainty, ma.
Blood of my blood. You will ensure Rich stays away
from her. He has potential.
He's behind that door. The girl you threw everything
away for. As you reach under the door,
somebody on the other side puts their hand on yours.
She is mine. Are you lonely, miserable, or
just plain horny? Well, you've taken the first
steps to solving your problems, at least your dating ones.
Welcome to D8 devoted, desired, dreamy or dirty dapper dates for
dejected daters. My name is Roz Grapers, founder,
CEO and love wizard, and honestly, it's absolutely
freezing in here. My nips could cut glass.
If only I had a strong lean former knight scout turned
disgraced to traitor fugitive to warm me up.
If only I had a strong, lean former night scout turned
disgraced trader fugitive to warm me up.
All right in there, Ross. Starting to get warm somewhere?
What's one thing you absolutely cannot do?
As in, you've tried and you suck at it.
And since it's probably going to take a long time a festa, we'll
start with you. Wow, I'll have you know that I'm
mediocre at most things, but I really cannot make a potion.
They all turn out to be poisons. I've tried.
I shouldn't be trying anymore. That answer was fairly mediocre.
Exactly. Via 2.
Every time. I can't really.
And well, I never really learned how to do a cartwheel because my
Atmos get in the way. Oh no, you just get stuck on
your head. Yeah, it's really uncomfortable
actually. Oh my God, that's hilarious.
Oh my God, do a cartwheel right now.
No, I can't. We've just done.
Rule for optimatics. In complete honesty, Roz, I
suppose giving up, I just can't do it.
I set my mind to something and come hell or high water, I get
it done. I'm.
Not strange, I'm not cold anymore, but my nips are still
kind of hard. Yeah, I, I, I don't really know
if it's appropriate for this format.
There is one thing I, I, I really struggle to do, and I
have looked into ways to get around that.
Apparently you can get some ribs removed, but I'm just not sure
about the sort of invasive procedure like that.
But yeah, it's, it's it's we'll just, we'll just say I'm, I'm
bad at it for now. I'll get back to you on that.
That is also hilarious to watch by the way, those attempts.
Just so you know. Where else?
A lot of rocking back and forth, I'll.
Just say OK, it's a cartwheel. Nate, Vesta and Koda, you are
darted out of your sleep. The there is you hear AJ, it's
not even muttering. He's it's, it's almost like A1
sided conversation. He's clearly speaking to
somebody. He is set up in bed in what
appears to be some kind of trance.
His eyes are closed. It's, it's like he's sleep
talking. But the the gaps between him,
him saying stuff and then he clearly is waiting on some kind
of response or reply. And any attempt to kind of like
jostle him awake are there's no response.
And just as the door kind of opens and Holly comes through
and some of the kids are are with her, you see him kind of
There's a gasp of air into your lungs, AJ, as your eyes dart
open. Morning.
Are you OK? Yeah, I was just talking to
Margold Wolver, the third in my I dreamed for the first time.
Holly just kind of like and we're out and she just gets back
out and she closes the door. Good news and bad news.
Good news. Not an orphan.
Bad news. Son of a hag, I.
Don't know, I think of Festa even takes a couple of steps
back at this. I am, the way they put it was
made of how does succession work in Galeshire blood or election
blood. So I'm the Prince because
Dreyfus the 3rd is my father, but the Queen wasn't my mother.
I'm made of Lady Margot the Third, who's actually the sister
of the nightmare hag that we fought in your head in the
Temple of Nan. So I guess that makes her my.
Aunt, I'm just going to take a love table a moment.
When you say it like that, it makes it sound like dynasty.
Yep, Who shot Arjun? Thea.
Oh yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Which sorry. Clodagh is just frantically
rifling through her notes now. Not bad for a night's work.
That's pretty good, KNIGHT.
So who the fuck are you? J Leah Steele, former captain of
the GAIL Shire Night Skates, current Prince of GAIL Shire and
son of Margo's over the Thirds. A Vesa just kind of looks at
Nate like, do we trust this? Do we want to run?
Like what hags? I I don't think it just been
doing well for a while. I think you look a little, you
still look a little bit sleepy. No, it's, it's, it's, it's all
in here. And Cloud is going to gesture to
her notebook. You're you're the blood of the
king. Yeah, His only living heir.
Well, I don't know, because actually, oh, my best friend
Rich is going to be king. So no responsibility on my
shoulders, thankfully. But I don't know if I'm related
to Rich. I don't think so.
Rich is a shader guy, Alf and I'm I'm a human boy.
Well. I'm a really.
There's a I'm in there. Yeah, in where?
Right here in this prophecy that Kappa gave me.
OK, OK, OK. I think we all just need to back
up. We need to.
What's the prophecy? Are you going to murder us?
Don't worry about you. Hey.
What's this diary in my? Back there is kind of a knocking
on the the barn like the distillery door, it is a barn,
but it is their distillery and housekeeping like the IT is you
just hear kind of mom said to start with breakfast.
Yeah, OK. Leave it at.
The door. The door opens and like Mike is
kind of ushered in and he's trying to carry most of it.
I'm behind him. Nook and Bronner are kind of
behind and they're carrying like a jug and like some cops.
But he's the tallest, umm, of the three.
He's the youngest. Actually, Mike is the youngest
of the three of them. But they are, they're kind of,
they're shuffled through and they're like, they go over and
they put it on like a little table where there's some
cherries and stuff. They're all looking at AJ.
You're right, kiddos. What the heck?
What is a hack? I don't know.
I am like a terrifying magic infused itchy feet.
That's not what I oh, do you know what a hack is?
I don't think the kids need to know what a hag is.
Oh, OK, you. A hag is basically like a big
scary woman that invades your dreams and can kill you while
you sleep. Mike just starts wailing and the
other two are laughing. Getting flashbacks?
Oh, they're not going to invade your dreams.
Yeah, as long as you're good. Are you?
The two that are like freeze up and they go and like Mike is
just kind of like he's just sniveling into him and he wipes
his snots with his fur and there's just you can see it.
You're a good boy, Mike, right? Yeah.
And then he kind of points over at like AJ.
Yeah, he's not a good boy. And then, like, Bronner kind of
steps forward and she's like, yeah, but like we heard you say
that you're like, you're made of a hag, so does that mean you're
a monster? No, look, he has killed some
people. But so is my dad.
My dad's probably killed more people than that fella anyway
because they're. I know he killed like a whole
village. It's crazy.
He's all traumatized about it. Sorry, was that insensitive?
A little sorry, that's alright. What I was going to say is just
because someone looks monstrous on the outside.
Oh, like that one? And he points over at a festive.
And I mean no but. I love playing kids.
I didn't do the darndest thing. You do that when you're playing
adults as well. Yeah, but the voice changes
slightly. When it's adults, you get
Psychic Diamond 20. That'll learn you.
Just because something looks monstrous or feels terrifying
doesn't mean they always are. Like a like a Mountain Lion.
They are dangerous and you shouldn't approach them, but
it's just their nature to go hunting, exploring in their
territory, so it's just shows some respect when you're in
their land. My daddy says you just piss on
the tree and they won't come by because you mark your territory.
I mean, sure. And Nook just goes over.
He starts pissing on your like, rucksack.
Whoa, get. A little.
Out of here, that's my territory.
You just give it back to me. No.
He's just, again, his pants are kind of he's waddling over like
it. He's just grabbing onto the
rucksack. I unzip my pants and I piss on
the rocks. Get out of here.
I'm going to go to. But that is actually Nate's now
all. Right.
Well, you can dry this off. It's kind of a little rubbish.
Oh, look at me. I'm going to grab a what's in
the jugs, water, coffee. It's just kind of coffee, but
it's been Dragon's breathed up. So there is that.
There's a hum of booze off of it.
I'll pour myself a cup, turn to the grip and goes.
If anyone wants to not piss on my shit and continue our
conversation, I'm going to sit outside and I'll walk out.
The kids go out so like, yeah, having kind of done their
morning chores and brought you breakfast and messed and annoyed
with you enough. The Nook Prana and Mike shuffle
out and they start again. They're running around the air
and they're playing games and they're moving stuff for
Pocheen, who is like, he's not like he, he's busy doing his
stuff. Like you're you ask for room and
board. But son, your business is your
business. His business is his business and
that's fun. You see that himself and Holly
are constantly kind of checking the perimeter.
They are kind of, ever since you had said people may or may not
know the location, they are being a bit more mindful.
And you do see them kind of swapping kind of places and
tasks and OK, so the kids are told to sit there and keep an
eye on stuff and then inevitably they run off.
But you, yeah, if the four of you are kind of just sitting out
in front of there, there is there's like kind of a small
smattering of like ramshackle furniture where obviously after
a long day inside, they come out for a breather.
Small little table that you can have your breakfast pickings
kind of as the four of you sit around to.
Answer your question. No, I'm not going to kill you.
I would never. I mean, I've heard that before.
From me. No from others, but I haven't
been able to trust many people and I don't know how you feel
about somebody I've decided to trust not being who they said
they were. I.
Thought he didn't know, did he? He's only just found out.
Well. Sure, what do we know what he
knew? Well then, why would he tell us?
Does anything make sense at the minute tonight?
Anything that's been happening. No, but he's a friend and he's
been there for us and I don't know why you don't trust him
now. I mean, what's the chance that
anything that's come on us since we've met him has to do with
him? We've run into so many hags
since we've met him. We met hags before.
If you guys want I usually go for like a brisk jog in the
morning. Anyway, if you want to discuss
because I understand if you don't want me around that's but
I am here to help. OK, fine.
I can tell I'm outnumbered. That's whatever.
Avasta, if I turn, if I become monstrous, if anything gives you
the impression that your life or anyone's life here is in danger,
put me down. I will.
All right, fine. So what are we doing?
How are we? Where are we going?
How are we finding? Are we finding?
Feel what? Well, I want to know about this
prophecy, whatever it is. So right when we were leaving,
Bobo called me back and LED me through this other passageway to
to Kappa. And he he told me a lot of
things that I don't really know how to make sense of just yet,
but I tried to write down as much of it as I could remember.
And then she's going to hand you her journal that she's written
the prophecy down in. The circle spins unbroken still
through night and dawn, against all will. 2 lovers born to tear
apart, to break the world and shatter the heart.
In spite of love, in spite of hate, they weave the threads
that bind their fate. A heart once whole, now cast in
shards, split by the fire. Burned and scarred, The
smoldering flame must light the way through endless night and
endless day. Twin souls lost in each other's
gaze. One will lament as the other
plays. The undreaming sleeps.
A heart on ice. The Queen's shadow pays Bates
cruel price. One will fade, the other too
late. Through their fall.
The circle's gate, the. Whispered song of First One's
born. A fleeting note before the
storm. She guards the path.
It marks its end both messenger and world's last friend.
Meddling forces veiled and sly, discarded lovers weave and lie.
The House of Three will fall to 1 to twist the carrots and
obscure the sun. They watch the moon's in
flickering light and shifting sands where shadows bite.
The one who knows all hidden deep on quiet winds their
secrets creep. The eternal bride waits, her
sorrow deep. A lover stolen Kindles wrath to
reap In storms of beasts surveys from high, a fortress failed
Beneath the darkening sky, the hollow sovereign will reign no
more. A shattered helm has blood to
restore the sacred haven. Its roots are bled for.
A twisted relic In shadows they will wet.
The Forsaken hare wanders through dreams, haze, bound by a
love that drifts and decays. Each Shard of heart not colored
bright, a piece of pain, a Shard of light in hearts, a flame like
sunsets glow, A withering drought, a river's flow.
The bitter bite of autumn's chill.
Green ivies grasp upon the hill, a rose that chokes with thorny
vines. A Violet sky where fear
entwines. A quiet sea, the calmest blue,
the pale Dong light where love breaks through the circle, spins
The tail unfolds through fractured cells and shattered
holes to mend the shards and break the toll.
Seek the truth. Seek the heart made whole.
I don't even remember. So Clodagh recites Kappa's
prophecy, and again a silence kind of hangs in the air as you
ponder or reflect on what the words might mean.
Do you understand it, Clodagh? I mean some of it.
He Bobo called me the whispered song.
But if that's true, it means I'm of first ones born and I'm
supposed to guard the path. What are you the 1st of?
That's what I don't know. What?
What path? Path to what?
I don't know. Give me a Wisdom saving throw,
Nate. Natty 20.
Oh yeah. Deep in the recesses of your
mind where Ivan has retreated, Ivan clearly hears Clodagh say I
am First one of First One born. And it's a thing of like.
The words hit him. Ivan worshipped the First Ones.
The First Ones were gods, deities, immortal beings,
people, energy charged with taking care of things.
Clodagh is potentially a descendant of Hadonna or
Asmodian or Chaff or Nan or Brogue or any one of these.
And immediately on hearing this swap.
The first ones are the old cards.
I have him. Yeah, I know.
But do you know which one built the Grove?
Long, long after you, Yeah. Nothing to do with you, Yeah.
That is, fortunately, after my time.
Are there no stories at home about who built the Grove or how
it came to be? Surely that was passed down, no?
We it's the way it's told. The Grove has always been there.
I only just learned that we were essentially guarding most of
Asmodean's heart, and now it's gone.
Quillow has it. What?
Yeah. Where's the other half?
Do we know? I've no idea.
I mean, some of the shards are and she rattles her bag here.
And you can hear the sound of the tinderbox with the little
pieces inside. And then I don't know.
The rest are scattered around. Who knows where?
Do we have any idea how many there are or because Marilla was
like testing some of them but I don't know are those still?
Are they not the ones from the Cotton Rabbit?
There was some blow in the Fortress of Aptitude as well
that Festa mate, Kaya and Thea had come in contact with.
Wait, so you've you've got more of them?
Well, I've seen more of them and there was one in Ivan's ring and
I think we. In the castle as well in the in
the basement. Destroyed that.
Wait. Well then, we can't make the
heart whole. Isn't that the whole point of
this thing? That's what it reads to me.
I think I need. I think I need to go home.
But Quill is out there somewhere.
Yeah, but my friend asked her. He's he's kind of a specialist
in these kind of things and he knows how to read prophecies way
better than any of us. Is the Grove a safe place to be
right now? I have no idea.
When I left it was falling apart.
I don't even know if it's still there.
Is that because the heart was taken?
I think so. This this rot that set in, it
was destroying everything. Do we know of any other rot or
any sort of plague or something akin to what's happening in the
Grove happening anywhere else? You haven't heard any news of
that sort, but it's not as if there's peace between visage and
guilt Harp. It's not a besties, it's we've
stopped killing each other. It's the only place I can think
of where we could find actual answers, but that doesn't mean
we all have to go. How will we know if you do find
something? Sure, we're on the road, we're
on the run. How are you ever going to reach
out to us again? Well, that was my next question.
I mean, it took me so long to find you guys this time and
you're was there was literal posters of your faces
everywhere. So we need to make up a plan for
somewhere we can meet in the future by a set time and go from
there. Going to regret this but will I
volunteer my parents house? I love how you all looked at me
because I was like, well, definitely you're a festive
parent. Is that OK?
Like is that OK? And all of her siblings?
Are you prepared to pay eight people at once?
I've flirted with myself as myself so I think I can manage.
I live for this. All right.
It's me, Timmy. Steve there.
You are fuck you and. Your friend Steve.
Sorry. This is one of those sessions,
folks, where I'm sitting. Back like, I don't know, I'm
thinking I'm not good at riddles, but I do think we need
to return whatever that thing was.
So I think we should find Thea and her mom and hopefully Quillo
drag their asses back to the Grove.
As people are talking, Ivan's going to rummage through his
knapsack to find the diary that Thea gave him.
Yeah, you have, Ivan. You have all of Via gave you her
eternal and her Diaries and her notes because she felt it would
help you connect with herself and a Festa in a way that you
hadn't been. I think it's probably fair that
bits and pieces that people are talking about, you're like, I've
heard this mentioned before and what Dork was writing about
this? Oh yeah.
King Killer dork. So yeah, you you are rifling
kind of through kind of pages and kind of stuff that she has
mentioned, but it's kind of like it's it's it is her diary, but
it's not kept in like there's a huge gaps.
It's like she's not writing in it every day.
She hasn't been something. Notable happens.
Yeah, it's that thing of kind of freaking through the pages.
There was there was something here and you remember because it
really pissed you off. Oh gosh, I didn't mean to do
that. I feel so bad.
I know I got a lot of information, but jeez, I better
write down what I saw though as quick as I can.
And then there's it's bullet points Asmodian and there's an
angry face over Asmodian fell in love with one of the first ones
had Donna heart and gave his heart to her.
She took it and discarded him from someone new and then in a
different color ink. It's Ivan written in brackets,
leaving him broken hearted. Became consumed with revenge
through his own will. Became a first one, one who
knows all. They fell in love again, but the
cycle kept repeating. Battles near world ending,
channeled raw emotion into weapons, all but destroyed him
and all of the other First ones. Shards of weapons still exist in
the world, is used, First Ones can return, and the circle will
begin and repeat. Who are these other First ones?
How many are there? Did Hadonna want us to find
these shards and start the cycle again?
Why were we picked? We just seem to keep messing it
up. I sort of, as I, as I read it,
I'm like, you know, again, I sort of go, there's something
here and I sort of show everyone so that they can read it so that
they know the same information that I do.
I, I'm not quite sure we're actually messing things up.
I think this is just the prophecy playing out, but
there's a cycle that needs to be broken.
So if we put the shards back together, that starts the cycle
again. So are we better off just
leaving it be? That's grand.
You can't ask me that's. Right.
Am I right? Am I right?
Or do we start the cycle with a heart that we've made?
Start a good cycle that's. Very positive of you.
How do we? You mean make a new heart or
just influence the shards? I don't know how this works.
Well, if if parts of this heart have been broken and destroyed,
maybe we need to make a new heart.
Or maybe I've always heard time men's a broken heart.
Well, this thing has been broken for as long as the Grove's been
around. Can we put the shards like do
they fit together the ones we have?
I don't think so. Well, we can't touch them.
I think the cycle begins and ends with Adonna.
I don't know if Osmodian is a parrot of all this.
Not intended. Yeah, but like, how do you make
yourself a first one? That's insane here.
With the power of the shards. She kind of holds the bag away
from herself. I'm already.
Part of it. I don't know.
I think, I really think I need to speak to Aster.
OK. Do you take the shards with you?
Would Aster know about that? I mean, he he's, he's literally
probably the wisest person I know apart from my nan so.
How many people do you know? Counting you guys like 10 Oh.
We're in great hands. There's something Ivan, having
read the diary and having heard the prophecy, it's the only
thing I'm doing, and then I'm shutting my mouth.
You fucking idiot. But it is like as you're
listening to Chloe and FS, the kind of talking about the shirts
again, it's a thing of you're you're reading, you have the
page open in front of you and you you've fixed through.
So there's there's a lot about AJ.
She didn't do any editing. She didn't RIP.
Any of this page so. At all.
Oh my God, his butt. There's a couple of those bits
and pieces I like to strengthen his shoulders.
And again, you can clearly see that on any kind of downtime.
She was musing about information she had kind of gleaned from
books or from even talking to you and learning a little bit
about who Ivan is. Another quiet night in this
hotel, waiting for our audience with the King.
At least during the day, AJ brings us on these really lovely
tours of the city. I haven't got much else to do
this evening. I'm looking over my notes from
all we have found out over the last while, and I still have so
many questions. Are the shards actually part of
Asmodean's heart? How do we know that?
Or does each one represent a different first one?
If he's one who knows all, why couldn't he stop it?
Was it the black Shard? The black Shard made Ivan forget
who he was. Each of them seemed to have
their own effect. How many different shards are
there? What happens if we gather them
together? Does this mean a God level war
will happen again? Who do we actually help here?
Should we let the cycle start again?
Is there a way to break the cycle?
It feels inevitable in a way, and it trails off.
There's a question scratched out at the bottom that you kind of
string to see. Should I ask AJ if he would like
to go for? And there one who knows all
who's written for the second time in Via's notes.
But it's also in the prophecy. And just for the record, these
are actually Louise's notes as Via I asked her to send me what
she has been writing for Fias notes to her diary entries.
Nerd nerd. What?
Kind of person makes notes and. You made a fucking map.
Not even a paper map? Yeah, it's on canvas.
It's if it's going to last like weathered and like it's snowy up
here and it's nerd. Could have just laminated it.
Like a nerd. Let's put it between 2:00.
Hot Pocket Stones. As you've seen, my dry erases.
Meddling forces veiled and sly, Discarded lovers weave and lie.
A House of three will fall to 1 to twist the cards and obscure
the sun. They watch the moon's and
flickering light and shifting sands where shadows bite the one
who knows all. Hidden deep on quiet winds,
their secrets keep. I don't know, but I even I'm
starting to think your girlfriend's not the best person
in the world. That's all I got to say.
I mean that. Meddling forces?
Is this not the terror? Well, yeah, the Kurds, the House
of Three would be the three hags.
That's my house. With other other hags
controlling the terror or is it just the.
Well, but Marigold is the. Spider man meme.
Yeah, she was really annoyed that her plan didn't come
together. She was her meddling plan.
So Marigold to Hag, we know that.
And we know the Terror was involved, Hague.
We know the terror was involved in the King's death.
Yeah, and. Margol to organize.
Yes, so yes. So yes, yes the the hangs are.
There was another guy. Employing the tarot at least.
And the shifting sounds with shadows, by the way.
Could that be all? Right, slow down one piece at a
time here. You never answered when I asked
you if Visage was like a desert country.
And he won't now either. No, but like we'd know I.
Mean AJ would know that anyway, yeah.
Is it? Is visage like a?
Dry desert. It's kind.
Of sandy, marshy, sort of where you've patrolled, where I've
patrolled down by the Bayou. I don't.
Know about you, but. That's going to be in my ear.
Get that jar of grease. Further north?
Sure, like past Visage. There was a guy, a guy in a
black suit. He had the Copper Rabbit in my
dream Tin Thai. He looked like the lead singer
of a jazz band. Claudia just locks up of Esther.
Hi. You gave it to Adam.
We got into the prison, didn't we?
Because that helped. That's not my fault.
Can't. Can't you get it back?
It's yours still. You didn't give us.
That was the whole plan, No? I mean, Cloda can physically
take it back, but then I don't know if there'll be any Cloda
left. What?
Well, I mean, Adam is, you know. Booby trapped the copper rabbit.
Well, no, just Adam will kill you.
I mean, we've got a lot of people trying to kill us right
now. Yeah.
Yawn. He doesn't scare me.
Hello there. Yes.
What's the bit about the shards? I think it it breaks down all
the different. Can I actually, it's this thing
of like, oh, would we know? Like you haven't, you've heard
stories, you know, of the world and stuff like that.
Like it's known that Rotam is mountains and forests and like
frozen glades. It's known that it's swirling
black is like this huge. Depressing.
See, you've heard of Mistian. You may not have been to these
places, but you've all read books like and.
Everywhere. Not Asian.
My books have pictures. But like like that is the
Tindersons have gone on holiday like that you've so.
And Segment would never not gloat about a new place she'd
been to a. 100% and like that, AJ, you have military knowledge
of Visage Ivan Spur. Arcanum.
It's for battles. See.
It's for Kappa. Roll for psychic damage, David.
It's for Dreyfus, royal dad of Benfed.
Disease prancing the dungeon. Ivan, you've travelled the
world. Like, fine, it's drastically
changed, but like, you remember sprawling deserts, Claudia,
you've done nothing. I was in the Grove.
Which literally is important. And I ruined.
I didn't ruin it. Sick man ruined.
And now she's done. Good dessert nail emoji.
So to answer that question, because I, I think that's,
again, it's a fair, I'm doing my best to not be like, no, the GM
telling you everything. I think that's a fair question.
So yes, you are aware that there are vast sprawling deserts in
Visage that the southern edge closest.
And it's one of the reasons why the war between the two kingdoms
like Visage was a winning. But topographically Galeshire
had the advantage. The southern borders, uh, of
Visage and the Dragons back mountains, uh, it's marshland,
it's swamp. It is, it's what stops Galeshire
invading, because to move a military through that is it
takes months and months. And between the actual lay of
the land itself and traversing it, sickness, everything that
comes with moving through marsh. There again, the swirling black
is is rumoured to be a a living sentient sea and it doesn't
really like people fighting on it.
So maritime battles are not the easiest to conduct.
So again, you would know those bits and pieces.
The river that flows over the Dragon's back mountains that,
uh, culminates in the Dragon's tear waterfall in Galeshire,
originates in Visage. And that actually is believed to
traverse the entire empire, uh, some of it disappearing
underground only to resurface in the marshes.
And they are kind of in the heart of that continent.
There is a sprawling desert. Just see Ivan go.
Excuse me, Sorry, I'm still here.
Nate's back. Beautiful.
Holly is from Visage. Maybe she might have some
information for us, Give us a sense of.
From an asker. Yeah, yeah, we got nothing.
Yeah, why not? We they're around, right?
Yeah, she's currently on watch Patching is in and out of
distillery, like, oh, don't mind me, just don't make some useful.
And like he is kind of pitching past and he's occasionally
listening kind of like kids these days and like he's he's
really not ours. The man who wants to make moves
and make money. That's it.
But yeah, Holly is over kind of watching the kind of the road
towards the back onto the bootleggers trail.
Someone should probably watch the roads so I can like tag out
just so we don't get snuck up on by those 4 whistling people.
Yeah, I'll cover while you talk to her.
OK, yeah, we try to swap. Yeah, like if you if she'll.
Ah, OK. And she and puts the crossbow
when you're out. Give me a strength saving time.
Oh God. Saving, Yeah.
Oh God, that's a three. Yeah.
Down I go, Yeah. It's that, it's that thing of
it's so it's just a little crossbow and you all just see a
fester fall over the crossbow fires in it like.
Steve. No.
No, Steve.
Steve. He's now gone.
Nobody could bring him up anymore.
He's. Dead.
He fucking better be. Yeah.
And she kind of like, she kind of just you and she kind of
walks away with AJ. She full on loops you like your
arm around you and she's nuzzling into you a little bit.
I Nate comes the other side and grabs her arm and nuzzling her a
little bit. Don't ruin this for us.
She's chuckling men. It's my lucky thing.
Patching look. And again, she kind of like she
throws herself on AJ and then she throws herself on an agent.
Oh, like, oh, like she's muscle. Like it's full weight.
Like she's full, Like, oh. Jesus.
So Nate had some questions for you about Visage.
Visage. Of course this happens a lot.
Men get stupid. Oh no, I think that's just him.
No, it's me. No, it's just him.
You're so beautiful and your accent is is ugly.
And you said it was home visage. We bundle race.
What were we talking about, AJ? He wanted to know.
I actually don't know why you needed Holly.
You had questions about Visage that you assumed I didn't have
the answer to. Is there like a there's there's,
Is there just beautiful eyes? You are too.
You're a flirt, Mr. Nate. You're a flirt.
My husband will get very mad, but I like that.
I just there's there's a is there, there's a desert?
Is there a desert? Oh yeah, visage.
And like, is it like windy there?
Maybe like maybe like a quiet wind of some sort.
No, there are colossal sandstorms that could wreak
havoc. But yeah, you wish to go.
Yeah. I mean, I just there's like.
Sub breath. Well, you know.
Poaching. What was the word you used to
describe Mr. Nate? A wolf you hear from inside the
yes, yes, he is not a wolf here. He's going to go to the Dragon's
cheese deserts. Yeah, because they're, well,
hey, there's a secret organization and they're trying
to kill everybody and I'm just going to take them down.
And I'm just bringing my friends along to come and chill while I
do that. And so I think they're probably
there if I mean, if you were in a secret organization and you
were going to like, is there like a good spot in the desert
for like a secret organization to set up camp or like some old
magical ruins? Or just like, are there any
legends in the area that you remember from like when you're a
kid or just like now or you know, just.
Oh, it's a children's story. But you seem like the kind of
fellow that enjoys a children's story.
I'm partial. Come here.
And she like, she takes her head into her bosom.
I like, it's that thing like she starts like the way she would be
telling the story to her children.
And then I'm going to jump up like legs up.
So she's kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that. She's full on, like cradling
you. Yeah, like a little bit like
that. We have a a story of a how was
the word tall building tower, tower, Yes, a tower.
And a great wizard who had all the books in the world there and
he kept it secret. He kept it locked away to
protect all the books, all the stories, all the knowledge to
himself. Until one day a little girl came
and she knocked on the door. Bang, bang.
And she knocks on the kind of the the arm for the chairman.
She's given a little sound effects and she calls out.
Monsieur, please, I wish to know all the secrets.
There is no answer, but the door opens.
The first time in many years. The door opens for her and she
goes inside and she finds an old man surrounded in mountains of
books and she asks him to tell her the secrets.
And you know what he says there? What did he what did he say?
No one man can know it all. And what did she say?
She stole a book and she ran out at the tower.
And the man, the wizard, was very upset.
And they say that is where the screeching storms come from,
that he hid his vast library, his tower of books, deep within
the Dragon's teeth. But that's just a children's
story. Yeah, you tell it again.
She does. She, if you want her to sell it
again, she does this time for anybody listening.
And again, it takes her a bit of time because she's embellishing
and she's adding new things. And this time it's not a little
girl, it's a whole flock of children that kind of come to
learn the story. This time, she names the wizard
Talek. As you're pondering this story,
I'm fully falling asleep around sucking my thumb.
Is anyone else kind of like Did we Hear?
This one she's got. I see him close down AJ and I
can see his little light bulb moment going off over his head.
I've been in that library, it's not that impressive.
Actually. Yeah, this fucking guy who was
there. Oh, I forget.
In Talox Town you weren't on the tour, so it's forgivable that
you don't know this information. She would have third wheeled it
though, if she was allowed a festa.
Yeah, you are. You're just keeping watch.
And like occasionally you kind of hear kind of, I don't know,
she looks really mean. And her first smell too.
Mom said that because she's a fire Knessy, there are friends
can explode and there's just this is a kind of chuckling
laughter because they're saying it loud enough to be heard, but
you actually like if you're looking for them, can't see
them, OK. Can I kind of sleight of hand,
put my arm down next to me and actually like just fire off a
little bit of like fire behind me?
Yeah, I won't even. I don't even.
You want a sleight of hand, like to make it look Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So they can't tell that I'm.
I'm actually doing it with my hand.
Yeah. Oh.
Say the line professor. That's a natural one.
You fall on fart. There's.
No, it is. You all actually hear just this
fart and you. Set it.
Off yeah, there is just there is just gold and yellow flames
shoot out of your butt and like parching shouts from the no
naked flames and like the kids are like belly aching, but it's
kind of coming from under foot. Oh, tricky little fuckers.
Yeah, there's a small grate that you didn't.
You haven't noticed? I'm just, I think I'm just going
to stand directly over it. They start jabbing you in the
foot like full on like little sticks and little makeshift
little knives and little daggers that they've been given.
To be fair, now she's gone on like the training.
A training sword. She's gone on those like big.
Like, yeah, it's, it's not that they're.
Not trying to feel a bit of pressure, kind of, yeah.
They're just kind of yeah. And it's just really annoying
more than anything else as they are just kind of jabbing you and
poking you. Get off, get off.
I'm. Just going to start stomping on
them. OK, they it doesn't.
Whatever, it's fine. We don't we And they, you hear
their footsteps kind of petering away and you just hear actually
give me our perception check. Watch a Chinette wants this.
Stop. No, I just did my net one.
I don't need another one. Oh, it was almost a natural.
So anybody 15? You hear them say Secret hideout
anyway as they hit her off. Can I follow?
You can. It's a secret hideout and I'm
going to go to it and. I'm going to burn it down.
With your farts. Apparently.
Eating beans spring back segment I I I mean, you can see why her
parents and investors say I'm going to do her her trick for
the family get together with the healing pipes you're going to.
Sneak along behind him. Yeah.
So you want to go down into the grace and kind of follow behind?
Well, I was going to follow above ground if I can hear them
the. Whole way.
No way. Yeah.
So this is. Oh, it's an underground secret
hideout. Yeah.
Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, sure.
Fuck it. You slip kind of down and it's
you're like, you're crawling. Yeah.
It's like moving through kind of an air shaft kind of a
situation. And you do you hear like their
laughter coming and they're like, oh, no, it's farted.
The trekking kind of like, like chuckled back behind them.
And you do hear Mike like, like a couple of minutes like later
and like they're all kind of laughing and giggling and
playing. Oh my God, like this is
obviously you could lick the walls here and get drunk.
Yeah, she does. This is obviously where patching
is like pours out that so you are, you're like.
Sludging. Through it's cold, it's wet,
it's it's heaven. But eventually like you do, it
does kind of come out like you can see kind of light coming
through like another space like a little kind of great.
The tunnel continues because obviously this run out has to go
somewhere, but you the grate is kind of slightly Askew where the
kids have obviously slipped out. Stick my head up there.
It's strange, but everything has been strange here.
It looks like a temple. It looks as you poke your head
up you see 2 long tables covered with like mugs and glasses and
shot glasses, cocktail glasses see casks and kegs.
You see all manner of bottle shapes sizes it.
It's really strange, like as you kind of look around, you see the
kids are kind of like swinging kind of under some of the
archways and through like a small stairwell that leads up
the rays in the middle of the this large area.
See steps up towards it, back end of the wall.
There's just this long mural so that kind of crumbled.
Can't see much of it from here. But yeah, it it looks like there
was a party here. OK.
But it's it's very clearly a temple of some kind.
In the same way, you know, like when you walk into a religious
space. Yeah, kind of you that the
atmosphere is. I mean, the cottage in a barn.
Yeah, man's making moonshining and.
Then there's this. This.
Yeah. And it is nothing of like you
kind of get and there is, you can see tapestries get like
faded and musty and discolored, kind of hanging from the
ceiling. Some have kind of fallen where
they've wrought a sitting on the ground in piles and the kids are
just like running around. They're not breaking anything.
They're they're just chasing each other and kind of playing
tag. I think considering like the
prophecy and everything that we're trying to understand, she
takes a good minute to look at all the tapestries in the mural
and just try to see, is there anything here that makes light
of anything? Two things whiz past your head
like a a mud ball, like a muck slush ball, just like whizzes
past her and then one full on plants you into the side of the
head like there is just A and you just heard good job Mike.
And the two Mike's like as you kind of saunter in and it's like
you killed it. You killed Ferdie the dragon.
And they're like they are like holding his hands up and they're
like just full on like and like the kids are like, what are you
doing? Password.
Get out of my way. It's our Fort.
You're not supposed to be there. We'll tell Dad.
Does your dad know you're here? Touché OK, We won't tell him if
you won't tell him. Deal.
And like Brana, clearly crossed
her fingers in front of you. Don't forget I know how to get
here now, and I know about your secret alcohol tunnel.
Well when you fart, fire comes out your butt so and they like
they just run off laughing. Got it.
Character assassinated you, yeah, you kind of you're you're
going to take kind of a a look at kind of tapestries.
It just they look kind of more decoration than there's nothing
kind of like on them. Random scenes, colors, and yeah.
But the mural itself, it's, it's really interesting overhead,
like there is this, it looks like a window, but you're
underground and there is this faint light coming through it
like that kind of casts it illuminates the mural.
We know it. And you see like on, on the far
left hand side, it has just from the mountains shifting and
moving, maybe the odd explosion from the distillery.
Umm, some of the mural has kind of cracked and fallen and kind
of broken off and parts the scene are missing.
But they're in the middle of it, like underneath this kind of
light, you see this figure looks like a human old wearing kind of
like long kind of flowing robes and like a kind of a heavy kind
of over coat or like a shawl almost with kind of a hood on
it. And in one hand he's got this
huge crystal looking goblet and there's like a liquid sloshed up
into the air from it or and under his arm, he's carrying a
cask all around him. You just see this it, it looks
to be like it looks like a summer festival, just people
enjoying themselves. I want you to give me an
investigation check just for the kind of the, the little details.
Oh. Unnatural 20.
As you are kind of looking at it, an image flashes to your
mind as you catch one of the scenes depicted.
There's a woman again, she's got a goblet, and she's beautifully
in this kind of wonderful mosaic pattern standing there.
You'd recognize her image anywhere.
It's had Donna again, naked as heck, her hair kind of just that
wonderfully, kind of like it's falling to kind of cover.
And behind her there is a mountain of bodies writhing.
And they're done that. And she's very much sort of,
yeah, it's that. And all you can think of is herb
and the elixir. And as you kind of see the rest,
it like there is just it is there appears to be kind of all
these little scenes kind of what everyone just enjoying
themselves. And in the middle of the kind of
with the kind of mural taken in there in the centre, there is
kind of what would be an altar, kind of where an altar you would
expect in a temple. There's actually there's a
fountain with three spouts, and above it a crystal goblin and
scratched into the glass. One who likes an owl drink.
Professor. It's me.
Trying to the drop myself don't be going at it but when I do
quite an awful hard. In my mind I was like, how do I
make a tight man a? Dad has to fly on in the
morning. Try to do the 20 pints.
I take the Ranger's cloak off any man's back.
OK. I think she knows is around just
a minute more to see. Is there anything here, just
anything she's missing? Anything helpful, anything to
take with her? You've got a natural training on
the. I'm not going to ask you to roll
again. Yeah, I think.
I think you have a good sense of the space.
Yeah, Like you're not. You don't see any shards.
You don't see. Anything.
Anything like that? Like it's right here.
The answer's right here. Stick your.
Shards put it in this goblet. We shake it up a little bit.
I hug it. Yeah.
It's a Shard shaker. And done.
Easy. Baker.
You don't see anything kind of like with these little spouts in
the fountain, kind of like there doesn't seem to be any kind of
water or cast or I think connected to them.
But there are a little kind of levers to kind of release the
liquid and the water would pour into like little bowls kind of
like this kind of like almost like ice bowls.
Each one is labeled a sip of time, a drop of courage, a kiss
for luck. Can I pull the lever for the
luck? You kind of just, it's like a
like kind of a little tap. It's stuck a little and as you
pull there is just kind of a you hear kind of a glug sound and
the crystalline goblet fills and then a couple of drops just fill
the basin and then it stops pouring.
There is a sickly sweet smell, like a liqueur.
Perfect. I just hear that in the
background. Whispering.
Little Angel and devil both been like drinking, yeah?
No, Yeah, sure she would. She does.
In a constitution, saving. Room it up like a dog.
I get a 10 as the. Liquid, uh, touches your lips.
You can feel someone almost pressing against them and this
wonderfully warm cinnamon flavour fills your mouth and
there is just this kind of tingling.
It's like, it's like the first kiss from your crush, that
moment that kind of seals on your lips and the electricity
that's there. Everything, everything kind of
feels a bit blurry. Everything feels a little bit
warmer and you can feel the blood in your body.
You can feel it pulsing through you.
You feel alive, you feel warm, you feel hot, you are overcome
with lust. And as you kind of stumble
through there is there's something kind of like how long
has it actually been like and the mosaic of Hedonah and the
thoughts of herb and that just letting yourself go it.
Was a great body pile. Giving into it, you kind of
stumble back in through the great and as you are kind of
manoeuvring through it, everything starts spinning a
fester and you hear a wonderful whistle lifting on the air as
four Shadows get the drop on the Dragon's Breath distillery.
And that's where we leave this episode.
She was. Like.
Yeah, don't tell anybody. That's fine.
Yeah, I knew. You've been listening to
Romancing the Dungeon with Amber, Sam, Ben, Eilish and me,
Declan, your dungeon master. Our theme song Fight for Each
Other is by Steven Tynan, and I'll Be Sorry.
Title card podcast Artwork is by Dahi C Designs.
Is it obvious that some of my favorite NPCS tend to be kids
that they're just something about getting to be a
mischievous little shit head and having the the kind of I'm just
a kid, I'm innocent that I kind of like getting to lean into.
If you want to know more about DA Dungeon, if you want to chat
to some of the cast from Romancing the Dungeon, you want
to find out what we're up to, you want to see behind the
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That's it. That's all I'm going to have
time for today. Big thank you for listening and
I hope that you have a great weekend, a good week and we will
see you back here in two weeks time for another episode.
Mind yourself. Bye bye.
Vantage, the lay of the land. These were tops.
Oh AJ is not a top. You've got bottomography.
He's a side. I just do friend stuff Handy's
and watch that's got a T-shirt decent.
One, it's just real wind. It's not gay if I'm the wind.
Ketchup. Loves a blowjob.
This is why I'm recording sessions.