1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,600 Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress. 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:11,200 I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got with me Madame Liv. 3 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:15,320 Hi guys. This lady on the TV is just 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,520 acting up. She's like got that whip, but 5 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,000 she's like spanking herself with it. 6 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,840 I'm like what the fuck? It's quite funny 'cause you 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,080 know, on Bar Rescue there's been a couple of episodes where 8 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:32,680 they've, these bar owners have, they're in vanilla world, you 9 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,360 know, but they've tried to incorporate BDSM. 10 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,280 Jon Taffer does not have that shit. 11 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:42,440 Like people are offended by doing this shit. 12 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,840 They had BDSM. Oh yeah. 13 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,160 Really. Oh yeah. 14 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,280 Because you're in a vanilla lifestyle and you come to a 15 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,320 vanilla bar and people are doing a scene. 16 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,880 It's not like they're advertising that it's a fucking 17 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,840 BDSM club. So it just seems like a just a 18 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,880 sex thing. Yeah, and makes people feel 19 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,720 uncomfortable. Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo. 20 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:09,520 So Speaking of making people feel uncomfortable, we've done 21 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,640 one night stands, we've had them. 22 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,360 Has there been? Haven't lived if you. 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,480 Haven't. Has there been some or one? 24 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,920 Maybe they've just felt you. Like what the fuck did I think 25 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,400 about that? Oh, yeah, several actually, but 26 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,720 one that just keeps popping into my head. 27 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,880 We met on a dating app and we went out on a few dates, but his 28 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,720 wife had recently died. Like it was been a year, but he 29 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,000 was really caught up in it and he just, I was thinking, you 30 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,600 know, let's be a perfect for like a one night stand or just a 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,040 sex buddy. It would have been nice, you 32 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,320 know? So I take him back to my house. 33 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,080 And I did not realize, because he's wearing so much clothes, 34 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:54,400 that he had a really odd body with a lot of, like, folds. 35 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,880 So I had to like, yeah, to like go under to see it. 36 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:04,760 And ever since that night, and I did as a pity fuck, it really 37 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,720 was because I was kind of grossed out. 38 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,440 Been there, done that. OK, this was a pity fuck. 39 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:12,520 And then literally, and he'll probably still message me every 40 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,360 now and then. I can't believe you did that to 41 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:18,040 me. And I thought you liked me and 42 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,320 all this stuff. I'm like, I met you like twice. 43 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,080 I was just going to have sex with you. 44 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,600 Like, why would you think that I want anything more with you if 45 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,720 you're talk about your dead wife constantly, You know now that we 46 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,400 can't talk about your wife. But that's literally the only 47 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,600 thing he wanted to talk about. He's still caught up in it. 48 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,720 So I was like, well, you know what? 49 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,440 You need help. I need to get laid, let's do it. 50 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:44,560 But he got 2 like into it. So despite the folds obviously 51 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,280 had lost a lot of weight being depressed probably lost a lot of 52 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,600 weight quick. So he had, I think he. 53 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,600 Just had weight and I just didn't notice it. 54 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,160 Gotcha. He didn't have. 55 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,240 Flat page like there was no weight, he just had weight and I 56 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,160 didn't notice it. Gotcha because. 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,080 I'm like, I like a bigger guy, you know, like a burly man. 58 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,080 Yeah, I like that. Yeah, but it's not like that. 59 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,240 Yeah, so was it the sex, even gut? 60 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,640 Oh, sucked. Oh, it's too bad. 61 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,760 I made it. I just turned around and didn't 62 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,880 let it let him do his thing. Wow and. 63 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,840 He thought he was like grade AI was just moaning too good I 64 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,320 guess. So he thought he was like the 65 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,400 best of the best. He's like, Oh my God, I did so 66 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,320 well and I was like, dude, I barely felt you. 67 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,000 I was just this is an ego boost only for you. 68 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,400 Oh Lord. Yeah, and he rode his motorcycle 69 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,280 over too. And my mom lives not far, like 70 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,680 in front of me, you know? So she heard that big ass 71 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:40,200 motorcycle at freaking 10:00 at night, Come to my house, leave 72 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,880 like 30-45 minutes later. Literally only had sex with him 73 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,800 once. Wow. 74 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,120 Yeah, and he got obsessed. I don't like that. 75 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,400 Wow. Yeah, I have to ask you a 76 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,040 question. So we wouldn't reveal this 77 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,240 information of who he may be, but I'll have to ask you after 78 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,560 the podcast. OK. 79 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:06,920 Yeah. So question on this note, is 80 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,920 that your worst experience? The fact that he contacts you 81 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,640 and says I can't believe you ghosted me? 82 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,519 You know, I've had a lot of experiences, but like, I have 83 00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:19,399 one. There's no judgment. 84 00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:20,360 It's judgment. I'm. 85 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,360 Not scared, I'm not sure but I had this one guy that I hung out 86 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,840 with two days. Whole stream freaking. 87 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,680 He was the best. We played car games. 88 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,800 I was actually trying to like him. 89 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,600 I was like, wow, we would. He's got like this huge acreage 90 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,080 we're talking about doing like farming. 91 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,000 And I was like, Oh my God, I could live on this land. 92 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,560 We were just kind of like. Yeah. 93 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:43,480 Two days of just talking and I wouldn't have sex with him 94 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,000 because I liked him. Yeah. 95 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,280 Then I finally had sex with him. He had a really small Dick, but 96 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,720 I was like, I could work with it. 97 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:53,400 You know, it's not bad. And then the next day, I really 98 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,640 don't remember what happened, but he had like a pop off. 99 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,240 Like he would got angry, like to the point where he was like 100 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,440 threatening to throw because I left my kayak at his house, 101 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,760 threatening to throw the kayak and on the side of the road that 102 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,120 he'd find my shit on the side of the road. 103 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:10,560 And I'm just like, who are you? I don't talk like this. 104 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,240 Why are you talking like to me like this? 105 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,760 Like, why is this your, your thought process to do like, you 106 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,280 know what I mean? Like, I don't, I don't remember 107 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,760 why he got angry. I could probably ask my friend, 108 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,200 my best friend, 'cause he was there for that whole thing. 109 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,160 He would help me go get my kayak 'cause I was scared. 110 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,720 To go over there, you got to tell me that's crazy. 111 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,440 Yeah. That one, that one kind of, 112 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,240 yeah, that one scared me. That one, I stopped going online 113 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,400 after that 'cause I was like, I was scared so I would I wouldn't 114 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,160 do it the same way I worked a little different, but if you 115 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,320 think about it, when I met my current boyfriend, I met him in 116 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,880 the middle of the on his lake. I shouldn't have done that, but 117 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:49,000 at least it worked out. Wow, you didn't go and meet him 118 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,000 at a public place, you went to his property. 119 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,680 Where did we meet first? No, I think I literally he took 120 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,440 me out to the property. Oh, OK. 121 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,800 It was like in the middle of the night. 122 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,680 Jesus. Christmas. 123 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,960 I know. And I told him I was like, I 124 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,920 make bad decisions and here's one of them. 125 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,600 I could have died. You gotta die is. 126 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,680 Right. I only hung out them for like 3 127 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,680 times and I stopped talking to him because I found or. 128 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,760 No, I hung out three times but talked to him for a while. 129 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,120 Yeah, but once I found out he was still on dating amps when we 130 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,240 had just got done talking about we were going to start working 131 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,360 towards each other, I quit. Talking to him, yeah. 132 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,120 I'm surprised it worked out the way that it did. 133 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,080 That crazy because it could have definitely never seen him again, 134 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,120 Never had this life or nothing. Wow. 135 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,840 He wasn't a one night stand though. 136 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,880 Yeah, that's. True, that's true. 137 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,600 I was. Actually kind of scared though, 138 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,400 because he talked about how much people he was with. 139 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,800 So I was like, you're scaring me. 140 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,720 But he was, he was nice because he kept staying open. 141 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,080 Like he was just telling me all this shit. 142 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,360 I was like, oh, maybe one day I can tell you my shit. 143 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,440 That's why I liked him. I was like, I want to tell you 144 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,560 my shit too. That's funny. 145 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,120 Do you have a bad story? Oh, God, I always have bad 146 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,400 stories. Of course. 147 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,680 Yeah. You know, that's the thing when 148 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,880 you've you've had multiple partners over the years, there's 149 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,840 always been like those. Are the one night ones or the 150 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,680 ones that are quick? Yeah. 151 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:09,080 So Speaking of that, so I had this one guy and he was very 152 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,760 sweet. He joined the military. 153 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,080 He lost all this weight very, very quickly to join the 154 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,840 military. So he had an apron, stomach 155 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,440 skin. So it was a big flap, right? 156 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:25,680 And even like around his pubic area, all that skin just kind of 157 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,640 hung and he didn't really even have a big Dick. 158 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,480 That was really hard. Yeah, it was sad. 159 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,280 Yeah. So I thought to him, I thought 160 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,080 to myself, I'm like, you know, I'm going to give him a break. 161 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,720 He seems very nice. It was, again, it was a pity 162 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:47,480 fuck. So I was like, OK, I wonder how 163 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,560 many people he slept with, You know? 164 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,560 Well, he told me he slept with a few people and I'm thinking 165 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,360 there's no way. Like he doesn't know how to do 166 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,640 oral sex. He's really a shitty kisser, and 167 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,320 if a guy is a shitty kisser, 9 times out of 10 they're going to 168 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,240 suck in bed. Yeah, absolutely. 169 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:11,880 Right. So I went and I just gotten 170 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,560 this, this new bedding, you know, you know, women, you know, 171 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,360 when we don't have pets and all that good stuff, we can have a 172 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,320 nice comforter with matching curtains and everything else. 173 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:27,600 So I had this really nice set at the time it was like $600.00 and 174 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,240 I think I got it for 150. What does Bitch do? 175 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:36,080 Oh my God, Well this comforter, I couldn't put it in my wash 176 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,960 because it's too thick, so I had to go take it to the dry 177 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,039 cleaners, OK. And it got to the point where I 178 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:44,000 was like, fuck it, I'm only going to put it out for 179 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,720 decoration, you know, and I'm going to just put a sheet over 180 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,680 it. And so he comes over and the 181 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:57,080 first time I sleep with him, I get to where I'm like, I'm like 182 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,080 sucking a stick a little bit. And it, that was nothing as a 183 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,520 challenge. I mean, it was nothing. 184 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,080 I was like, lick, lick, Deep Throat, done. 185 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,600 Deep Throat. Yeah. 186 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,160 Take care. Barely made it to the UV little. 187 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,840 Yeah, exactly. Needless to say, I rode a stick 188 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,960 for a second and I was like, this guy, he can't hang, he's 189 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:21,720 getting ready to explode. And within 30 seconds, I mean it 190 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,360 happened so quick. I was like what the fuck just 191 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,880 happening that. Sounds like a virgin. 192 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,520 It was terrible. Yeah, he was total virgin. 193 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,160 I think he was a virgin. I think I took. 194 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,960 A sharing. Lied, I think he lied big time 195 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,800 because that poor boy exploded like a little bomb went off boom 196 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:43,960 and I was like, oh he sucks so bad and so he's like, oh I'm I'm 197 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,120 really sorry, I'm really sorry. Can I do something for you? 198 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:52,120 I was like, no, because it's kind of like he's going to suck 199 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,080 at the rest. So it's like I'm not even going 200 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,960 to try to teach him how to do anything else because oral sex 201 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,680 skills were horrendous. It was so bad. 202 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,280 I was like, Oh my God, I'm not supposed to feel teeth, please 203 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,000 stop. So that was that. 204 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,240 So I let him come back a second time. 205 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,800 This time he barely got undressed. 206 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,720 He looked at me in my lingerie because I would go all out, you 207 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,520 know, I wasn't half assed in anything. 208 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,880 I look good. And you know what he did? 209 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:26,240 He come in his pants. He know he was. 210 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,080 He was fully undressed. His pants were down his ankles. 211 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,360 At this point I thought he could maintain. 212 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:37,480 He grabbed my comforter, wrapped it around his Dick real quick as 213 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,360 he was ejaculating, but he didn't even touch his Dick. 214 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:41,840 Oh, that's cool. And he was. 215 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,000 I mean, sucks that it was on your comfort, but yeah, you 216 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,600 could make a guy come just by looking at. 217 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,280 You apparently here. What type of bad reason is that? 218 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,480 Sounds like an ego boost. It kind of was. 219 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,040 I would, I would literally have sex with just the the thought of 220 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,720 that, like, wow, you could do that. 221 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,560 I could do that. One day you'll accomplish that 222 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,360 in the dungeon, I guarantee you. I've done it several. 223 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,840 Times you. You just started. 224 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,480 You'll do it, I promise. OK. 225 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,560 I promise it'll happen. Well, I'll lose some weight. 226 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,640 It'll be good. What weight do you? 227 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,760 Even have my mashed potatoes. Oh my God, you have a little 228 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,320 tiny tummy. That's it. 229 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,840 God, stop. Sometimes it pokes out, 230 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,960 especially when I'm wearing like the the whole get up. 231 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,800 You'll be fine and. Everything's real tight, like a 232 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,520 little piece of my Mashed potato be hanging out. 233 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,000 I'm like, oh God, suck it in. Look, when you when you can put 234 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,040 everything in a pair of panties, you're. 235 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,160 Good. You see how big my panties are? 236 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,320 I got some granny panties. I don't even know how I got this 237 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:48,520 job. You're not right. 238 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:58,080 Oh my Yeah, you could only explain. 239 00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,000 Yourself. Calling you back. 240 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,880 Oh, my God. Yeah, of course. 241 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,120 Yeah. You know you never. 242 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,080 Had that experience for yeah. Are you wearing black or red? 243 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,440 Black. Yeah, I 9 times out of 10 I wore 244 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,840 black. I like black too. 245 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,120 Yeah, makes me feel like smoky and sexy. 246 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,520 Yeah. Like mystery. 247 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,240 I have this one red satin nightgown though, and it's kind 248 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,960 of like a leisure little nightgown, but it has the black, 249 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,480 you know, lace up top and it's sleeveless. 250 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,720 So when I get into that, you and me, you can take a picture. 251 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,000 I'd be like. Kid, I was just thinking that. 252 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,280 I was like, look. At this live. 253 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,680 Get your hair done. Real cute. 254 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:35,640 Yeah. Yeah. 255 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,280 You like the blowout thing? That my little thing I have. 256 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,560 Get your hair blown out. Put on a little makeup. 257 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,120 Yeah. Some red lipstick to match your 258 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,800 red outfit. Absolutely sexy shoes. 259 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,000 We'll do some dungeon pictures. Totally. 260 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,760 Yeah, I. I've done my my sister's boudoir 261 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,040 pictures and they turned out great. 262 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,080 I bet. Yeah, she. 263 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,040 Printed out my pictures and put them in his wallet. 264 00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:02,800 I have no doubt on your little Sheen camera and printer. 265 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,040 I love that. That's cool. 266 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,120 Hey, it works, right? Yeah, it's. 267 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,720 Great. It makes it really easy. 268 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,280 I gotta get more paper now I think about it. 269 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,560 All right, so any other one night stands that's gonna stick 270 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:15,320 out to you? I don't know. 271 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,520 Not ones that really stick out because they all kind of blend 272 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,240 together eventually. They do. 273 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:24,200 I should have kept my one list. I had a list of like my first 274 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:28,920 100. You whore I was. 275 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,840 Total whore I was. Total slut. 276 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,760 Oh my. God, that's when my boyfriend 277 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,160 likes me. But, you know, once you're in 278 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,680 this miserable marriage for six years and you're married to a 279 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:43,120 psycho after that, you're kind of like, yeah, let's do this. 280 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,480 Whatever the book I want. Exactly. 281 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,520 And I didn't want to get married. 282 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,440 I didn't plan on any of that. I just wanted to live my life, 283 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,280 run my business. I thought I had all the plans 284 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,760 together. And then I fall in love again 285 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,720 and it's damn you starts a whole other direction. 286 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,080 That's good, though. It's it's nice and fabulous when 287 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,200 it when it turns like that and it comes naturally. 288 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,600 Yeah. Oh my God, I've never 289 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,400 experienced that until now. And that was great. 290 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:10,720 Right. Yes. 291 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,000 I was like wow, I didn't this like movie shit. 292 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,040 So I'll tell you another funny story. 293 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,480 I had this one night stand with this guy. 294 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:24,400 He ran a gymnastics gym for children. 295 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,320 And, you know, he kind of looked like, if you ever watched Jersey 296 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,560 Shore, he looked like a character on Jersey Shore. 297 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,520 So. So he looked kind of New York, 298 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,240 Brooklyn bougie. Yeah, yeah, 'cause I mean. 299 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,960 Fake tan white. Teeth. 300 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:47,320 Yes, yes. And so, interestingly enough, he 301 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,480 wanted to. We met, and I don't remember 302 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,160 where we met at the time. I want to say we met like at 303 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,840 Seville or one of those downtown. 304 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,400 Anywho, so I gave him my number and he called me one night and 305 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,400 I'm like, Oh yeah, you know, I'm home, come on over, you know, 306 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:09,720 And Needless to say, this guy was not that great in bed at 307 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,320 all. He was one of those that he 308 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,280 thought he was trying to get through a race, like he was the 309 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,960 running horse, you know, and wanted to pound me to death. 310 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,440 And I was like, Jesus, you know? I like that shit. 311 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,000 Maybe. Well, you know, sometimes 312 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,200 there's a there's a thing for it, but you know, it's like when 313 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,240 you're first going to know somebody, you know, and your 314 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,200 Dick's not that big and it keeps slipping out. 315 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,920 That's. That's probably why he's trying 316 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,000 to make up. The difference exactly. 317 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,200 Like if I do it really really fast you won't be able to tell 318 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,520 how big it. Is yes. 319 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:46,240 Yes, I'm sailing. Into this I'm like, Oh my God. 320 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:51,120 So we tried different positions. Finally, I think we settled on 321 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,040 the doggy position. Easy enough. 322 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,000 Yeah, go for it. He can't miss the hole, right? 323 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,120 Yeah. At one point he slips out. 324 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:05,880 He goes my asshole, and I want to punch him, you know, because 325 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,800 if your butt hole is not prepared for that and you have a 326 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,640 small butt hole as it is, it's not going to fly. 327 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,360 No, it's not. It sucked. 328 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,760 And so I'm like, you know what? I'm done, I'm done. 329 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,040 It's been great, blah blah. Blah blah, I don't know, a 330 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,000 pretty bad story, right? There. 331 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,160 It was terrible. Yeah. 332 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,680 So that was on a Friday night before Mother's Day. 333 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,040 OK. Uh huh. 334 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:33,320 I take my mother out that Sunday for breakfast, and we're 335 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,840 celebrating Mother's Day. We go to this restaurant when 336 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:40,720 they first open for brunch. I go in there and he's there. 337 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,600 I'm like, oh God, how awkward is this? 338 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,040 And he's like 3 or 4 tables away from me. 339 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,720 Like he's right there. He immediately sees me, puts his 340 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,600 hand up to the side of his face and I looked at him and laughed. 341 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,880 I'm like mother fucker, if anybody should be covering their 342 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,319 face it should be you because you fucking suck in bed. 343 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,240 So I was laughing. I was like, Oh my God. 344 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,680 And of course my mom's, what are you laughing about? 345 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:17,400 I'm like, I'm laughing at this idiot a couple tables over 346 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,280 'cause he thinks that I have an interest in seeing him again. 347 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,920 And I said it to where he could hear me, 'cause I was like, you 348 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,400 little fucking shit bag. There was nothing about me 349 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,600 wanting to fuck you and it was going to happen again 'cause you 350 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,720 suck. You know, I used to be like, 351 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,680 well, even when I was younger, I didn't like having sex. 352 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,440 I wanted to have sex before relationship starts. 353 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,600 Good. If you get in a relationship, 354 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:46,880 they're nice and like that one girl, Stephanie, yeah, they end 355 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,280 up being with their person and they end up being too small or 356 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,200 not good at it and won't learn because some people won't learn. 357 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,120 No, you can. Have a small Dick or even too 358 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,040 big of a Dick. And learn, yeah. 359 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,920 But some people just don't don't. 360 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,320 They want they need to check out the goods beforehand. 361 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,360 I used to think that was a gross thought, but after one night 362 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,440 stands, it's like, you know what? 363 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,640 I understand that thought. Well, you know, being raised. 364 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,480 Like 30-40 years old. You can't. 365 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,560 Do it. I know. 366 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,600 But being being raised Catholic, you know, my mother was always 367 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,320 like, wait for marriage, you know, you don't need to have sex 368 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,920 before marriage, you know, blah, blah, blah. 369 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,880 She's very devout about that. And then at some point she kind 370 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,640 of lost direction after she got divorced and everything. 371 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:37,200 So she wasn't really as strict. But my thing was, I was 21 and I 372 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,800 waited till I was 21 to do anything, you know, smoke, smoke 373 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,520 weed, try any drug, you know, anything like that. 374 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,600 And so I was like, you know, I'm 21, I'll wait for a while. 375 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,480 I waited for love, try to wait for love. 376 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:57,120 And it didn't happen. So by the time I'm almost 22, I 377 00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:00,880 was like, I'm going to have fun, you know, they're. 378 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,960 Good for you. Yeah, next. 379 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,920 Thing ever be longing for it and you want to reveal you think 380 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,720 when you get older like I did that yeah not I didn't do. 381 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,440 That, you know, like that thought, OK, I'm going to tell 382 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,640 you one more story and then you can be like, OK, bye. 383 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,440 Call me mistress. See you later. 384 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,920 One more story. OK, So my friend and I, one 385 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,240 night we started doing something fun. 386 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,880 We met these guys, we went out on dates. 387 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,960 We weren't interested. We came back to my my townhouse. 388 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,120 We're sitting there and I said, you know what? 389 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,400 I used to go out with this guy who was in the military. 390 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,480 He was stayed in the officers quarters out on the base. 391 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,760 I said I have a great idea. This is what you and I need to 392 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,800 do. We're going to take turns with 393 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:52,920 how long we can keep a guy on the phone and see if they'll be 394 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,360 interested in enough that we want to go out with them. 395 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,760 Right, OK, that is some fun. But we'd have to basically call 396 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,640 and prank them to see if they could take the bait. 397 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,640 OK, OK, so she tried this once, tried it twice. 398 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,080 And I'm like, OK, I'm going to give it a whirl. 399 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,080 I call and I'm like, hey, is Michael there? 400 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,400 And he was like, no, I think you have the wrong number. 401 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,840 OK, so I did it again. Got a woman? 402 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,040 I'm like, yeah, I'm not taking the bait on this. 403 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,080 Sorry. I got the wrong number, you 404 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,600 know? And next thing you know, I call 405 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,200 and say, hey, is this Michael? He's like, yeah, this is 406 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,080 Michael. Ended up being a Michael IT. 407 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:35,840 Was a Michael and and I was like, hey, how you doing? 408 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:40,920 And we started talking and he's like, I'm so you know, you 409 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,920 originally asked for Michael. He's like, do obviously am I the 410 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,240 right Michael? I mean, like, do we know each 411 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,680 other? I said no, I was calling to talk 412 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,160 to my brother. Obviously you're not my brother. 413 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,960 I'm like, so are are you stationed there? 414 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,200 Maybe you know him? You know, I'm like, yeah, 415 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,200 Michael such and such. And I came up with some 416 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:05,120 ridiculous last name and he's like, no, I, I don't think I 417 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:08,960 know him. And I said, oh, OK, well, what 418 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,640 are you doing tonight? I'm calling the officers 419 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,400 quarters like I'm fucking an officer tonight, you know? 420 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,680 And Needless to say, he's like, well, you know, it's a Saturday 421 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,360 night. I'm, I'm here at the barracks 422 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,840 all by myself, you know, I'm an officer. 423 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,120 So I've got my own room. You want to come over? 424 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:28,880 I'm like, absolutely. I'm like, bye, Rachel. 425 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,760 I'll see you later. First first real guy you got a 426 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,600 hold of? First, yes. 427 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,640 And so we let you know I left. We left the apartment. 428 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,080 I, you know, locked up and I drove over to fucking base, met 429 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,720 Michael at the door and what do you know, he's got my favorite 430 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,480 car. It's like a 76 Stingray 431 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,960 Corvette. I was like, oh, nice car. 432 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,680 He's like, yeah, that's mine. I'm like, I like you already. 433 00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,240 So I fucked him that night. Fucking fabulous. 434 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,240 It was great. He was only here for a short 435 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,360 time. I end up seeing him a few more 436 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,200 times. So technically it wasn't a wide 437 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,960 night stand, but initially I thought it was going to be. 438 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,080 That's cool. That's a good one. 439 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,320 I like that one. It was great. 440 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,440 Like a natural one. Fuck yeah. 441 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,480 Natural. Unnatural. 442 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,000 And he didn't pre come in my fucking comforter. 443 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,680 My God. Yeah, but it was a great story. 444 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,840 It was fun. Yeah, you got a couple good 445 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,600 stories. Oh, girlfriend I. 446 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,600 Like blocked my mouth. You can't. 447 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:37,040 You gotta dig deep. I gotta dig deep by that sticks. 448 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,560 Because I know I've had, I know I've had quite a few, but it's 449 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,480 just like I really blocking him out. 450 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,640 I feel like I remember that one guy that was a spear fisherman, 451 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,200 but like I remember having sex with him, but I know he had sex. 452 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,200 Oh. My gosh. 453 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,880 You know what I mean? Like, just like moments like 454 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:51,480 that. I was like wow. 455 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,680 Yeah. Well I just one popped up into 456 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:59,400 my head when I was younger. Young young people who know me 457 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,160 When I was younger I had this boyfriend and he cheated on me 458 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,200 by kissing a girl right in front of me and I was going to be a 459 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,920 bitch so I fucked his friends. Fuck yeah. 460 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,200 Invited them over to my house, got them to sneak into my 461 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,480 sister's window and I was had one in my room and was going to 462 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,040 wait for the other one like y'all can take turns. 463 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:19,880 I should have had them both in there. 464 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,080 I would have been able to get away with it. 465 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:26,200 But my mom heard or my dog heard something and ran outside. 466 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,800 Somebody's here, somebody's here, the dog and then my mom 467 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,080 walks in on my sister. She didn't lock the door or 468 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,280 nothing. Windows wide open, grown man 469 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,000 sitting on her bed. She said what the fuck? 470 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,800 I can hear it's going on in there. 471 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,720 It's like, God Dang, I can't hide it no more. 472 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,640 So my mom found out about all this and yes, I was fucking all 473 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,000 his friends. Wow, That was two of his 474 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,280 friends. I only had one left. 475 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:52,600 Wow, I didn't get it. I actually looked him up on 476 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,280 Facebook recently. He got a little chubby. 477 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,280 He's got four daughters now. That's. 478 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,480 Awesome. Yeah, I was like, yeah, that was 479 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,200 my horror. Story. 480 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,000 Oh my God, that's what we should do. 481 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,600 We should go back on guys we've had sex with. 482 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,160 Oh my God, and see what they look like and. 483 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,520 See what they look like on Facebook. 484 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,440 Oh my God, that's a good one. Got to remember some names 485 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:18,000 because I was like when I was younger, especially in freaking 486 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,880 middle school, people were, I was in the bathroom a lot with 487 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,480 like boys. I had a couple girls I kissed on 488 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,640 the bus, you know, like I was, I was a little hoe for sure. 489 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,760 I don't even know how. I don't know how I didn't end up 490 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,480 more Hoey than I was because of how I was in middle school. 491 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,320 Like you thought that I'd be bad, but I wasn't. 492 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:40,400 Wow, wow, that's awesome. Because I was getting fingered 493 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,280 by people before I even lost my virginity. 494 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,000 That's great. Yeah, we can go back on that one 495 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,560 day and just start looking up people. 496 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,400 Hey, I'm down. Yeah, that'd be fun. 497 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,320 I'm so down. I got to think of some names, so 498 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,040 I don't want to look him up. I'm going to be able to look him 499 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,960 up while we're on the podcast so we get the actual reaction. 500 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,960 I think that'd be really. Cool, that's awesome. 501 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,600 Look at this fat book. Or wow, he looked older. 502 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,400 Shit. It's going to be great. 503 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,920 I love it, I think it'll be a lot of fun. 504 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,640 I love it already. All right, so Liv, we got to 505 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,000 wrap it up. I know we've been talking 506 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,360 forever. Sorry guys, not sorry. 507 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,440 You love us, and that's why you're still here. 508 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,360 All right, so until then, this has been the latest episode of 509 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,640 Call Me Mistress.