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Hi, welcome to the latest 
episode of Mistress Mia's 

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Dungeon. 
I am your Hostess, Mistress Mia,

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and today I have with me a 
special guest. 

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You know her Kit Bond. 
Well, hello Mistress Mia. 

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It's nice to come back again. 
Always a pleasure. 

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So Kit, I've got some comments 
that remain on the podcast. 

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One said wow, I fell in love 
with this episode. 

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It was about being free and 
cross dressing with Rick. 

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This is such an important and 
thought provoking information. 

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Mistress Mia. 
Me being a Sissy maid and a 

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father, this conversation opened
my mind other possibilities. 

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This may be the best podcast 
about BDSM. 

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Thank you Mistress Mia for being
out content and giving me a mind

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vacation. 
I hope someday to meet you with 

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my significant other just to 
talk. 

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Have a great day. 
I thought that was terribly. 

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Sweet wow. 
Wasn't that nice? 

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Yeah. 
Then we had another comment and 

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this is when we talked about the
love of Latex and he said love 

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your podcast and you talk about 
strap on harness for extra extra

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large dildos and where to buy 
them. 

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I'm a size king and struggle 
finding the right harness for my

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wife to wear. 
Thanks so much Todd and Amanda. 

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So Todd and Amanda, I will say 
this that she shed supplies on 

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fat life. 
You can look them up. 

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They always post pictures of the
two of them and their strap on 

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play and the wife of the couple 
has a harness. 

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She's a curvy woman, but she 
always has these monster cocks, 

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so you might want to reach out 
to her. 

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I think she they sell great 
products, etcetera, etcetera. 

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So that'd be a good shout out 
for them as well. 

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The next comment was from 
Darren. 

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He's like this is on the penis 
pump fucked up Friday. 

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I did with poor Charles. 
I actually sucked his nuts up 

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and the penis pump. 
He says, well, I'm not well 

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hung, but I have that pump. 
Sometimes it sucks one of my 

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balls and oh fuck, that's rough.
So I thought that was sweet and 

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then we have two nice little 
emails. 

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He said. 
Mistress Mia, I'm really loving 

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your podcast. 
I'm into ABDL, this is adult 

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baby diaper lovers and I'm 
grateful for your fun and 

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positive attitude towards my 
hard to understand love of 

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diapers. 
It is just refreshing to hear 

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someone giving an honest and 
thoughtful description. 

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I felt so much shame and guilt 
for this fetish I never chose to

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have. 
I tried repeatedly to stop 

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having these desires to be put 
into diapers and it was very 

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difficult to accept the side of 
myself. 

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I don't want to bring anyone 
down with my story. 

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It really has been a serious, 
lonely one and shame filled 

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existence. 
My own mother had punished me 

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when I was 8 or 9 by making me 
wear diapers for misbehaving. 

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It was so traumatic and 
humiliating having to wear them 

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in front of my brother, my 
sister, and my parents. 

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My feelings changed after that. 
I became very curious about 

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wearing them. 
I would get excited just seeing 

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commercials for diapers on TVI 
didn't understand why, but I 

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knew I could never tell anyone 
about my strange desire. 

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So, Mr. Diaper Lover, I will say
that your mother is a wretched, 

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horrible person who needs to 
burn in hell. 

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However, what parents don't 
realize and how they love to 

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fuck up their children is their 
prepubescent years. 

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Between the ages of eight and 12
is when they're most impacted by

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a lot of sexual desires. 
And whether you're rubbing 

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mama's feet and later on develop
a foot fetish or, you know, Mama

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spanking you or giving you 
enemas because of bad behavior, 

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You know, it it comes down to it
in the end of, yeah, this is, 

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you know, kids looking at me 
kind of funny. 

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But you know, this is from all 
the experiences that I've had 

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with other people that, you 
know, they've talked about their

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experiences when they're 8 to 12
years of age. 

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Listen if your parents are 
giving you enemas. 

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Yeah. 
Probably need to report assault 

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to the police. 
They don't need to be touching 

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you like that. 
Well, this is back in the 70s, 

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so. 
It shouldn't be a thing for 

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anyone who has that problem. 
Yes it should not have been a 

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thing but it fortunately it was.
And here is an e-mail that was 

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on fat and this is from a Scifun
98 that's CYF UN98. 

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He's a 63 year old male sub, he 
said. 

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Hi Mistress Mia, thank you for 
taking the time to reply. 

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I was away on vacation and 
recently returned to the daily 

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grind. 
Of course, on my 45 minute 

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commute I picked up on listening
to your podcast. 

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Imagine my surprise when you 
read my e-mail. 

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You totally made my day and made
me forget the hell week I've 

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been going through. 
Thank you. 

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By the way, you have my 
permission to use my Fetlife 

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name as well as my first name 
and location if you so desire. 

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I especially like the episodes 
where you recapped the party. 

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Great insight for those who 
cannot attend. 

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Sort of like the quote UN quote 
Who were you threads after 

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parties? 
Great reads in my opinion. 

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Well, thank you, Sai. 
I totally appreciate that. 

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And you know, if people want to 
reach out to you on fat, they 

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obviously know you're a fun 
little freak. 

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So you just like us and I'm 
certainly glad you enjoyed the 

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podcast. 
So today Kit and I are going to 

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talk about something really 
interesting. 

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It's mainly about the 
experiences of having a dominant

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role in your life and then being
a submissive or a slave in the 

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in the Dom lifestyle and how you
actually get to deal with that 

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and how you have to, you know, 
kind of put your life in 

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perspective. 
So OK. 

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Yeah. 
So I think that people don't 

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realize how difficult it is to 
be a sub. 

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I think that the general idea 
out there is that a sub is 

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someone who can kick back and 
just endure whatever sensation 

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they want within their comfort 
level, and that's it. 

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They're the receivers of what 
they want. 

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So essentially they're a taker, 
not really a giver. 

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That's just been my experience. 
I just think that people tend to

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think that about them, and they 
don't really think about what 

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goes on outside of the scene, 
outside of the flogging and the 

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nipple torture and the biting 
and the things in your butt. 

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All these fun things at some 
point end. 

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And when they end, what you have
are two totally different 

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people. 
You have a person who says I'm 

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the boss in the scene because 
you're OK with me being that 

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thing for you, and you have 
another person saying I'm 

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comfortable with you doing that.
I think that would be enjoyable.

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So for our purposes, that's our 
dynamic. 

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And yet we can't neglect the 
fact that these people probably 

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have a similar vanilla life in 
terms of their status in life or

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their experiences. 
You know, there's plenty of Subs

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out there that they own their 
own businesses or their 

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positions of management or some 
of them are even probably even 

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politicians or prior military 
members. 

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It's particularly difficult for 
people like that because what 

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happens is they develop these 
these social characteristics 

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that people tend to liken to 
doms more than Subs. 

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You know, for instance, just 
assertiveness. 

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Would you think to see 
assertiveness in a sub that's 

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not. 
Yeah, That's not usually a 

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canonical theme in being a sub. 
Anything from assertiveness to 

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just really, it's the auspices 
of assertiveness, you know, 

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intelligence, knowing what you 
want, being able to draw hard 

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boundaries, you know, between 
you and other people. 

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These are things that are pretty
much expected in Doms and not 

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really expected in Subs. 
A sub is just expected to be 

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docile, probably even just, you 
know, demure really in their 

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mannerisms. 
So. 

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And, you know, I hate that, you 
know, in the lifestyle, so many 

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of the times that we've been 
out, you know, engaging with 

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people and, and there's DOMS and
they automatically, you know, 

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disregard a sub and not, you 
know, not acknowledging them as 

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a human being. 
You know, it's like, oh, there's

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sub slave, fuck them. 
You know, let's treat them like 

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garbage. 
You know, it's like, no, that's,

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that's really not your role. 
That's not your position to do 

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so. 
You know, I've had different 

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things like that over the years 
when I've had a sub in the past.

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And you know, someone's like 
mistreating her. 

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And it's like, wait a minute, 
you don't. 

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She's not your sub, you know? 
Yeah, I mean, something happened

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just recently, a special sub in 
your life. 

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We're not going to name them, 
but you know, someone came over,

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you know, and I felt like they 
were really disrespectful to 

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this person, and they didn't 
want that disrespect at all. 

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And the reason why it was it was
so shocking really is because 

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that person, although they 
identify as a sub really in a 

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vanilla sense, definitely had a 
lot more power and authority in,

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in, in the context of their 
engagement. 

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And this person who was visiting
did not belong being so 

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incredibly uncouth to this sub 
who did nothing to them. 

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Yeah. 
And that's the kind of 

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engagements I'm talking about, 
the kind of engagements where, 

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like you said, we just data dump
the idea that they're human. 

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Yeah. 
Yeah. 

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And it's, you know, it's cool. 
And to so many people, yeah, 

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it's cool. 
You know, I can, you know, I can

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treat someone like a slave or a 
sub because that's what they 

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want. 
But it's like, yeah, they want 

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certain people to treat them 
like that. 

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And that's why you have certain 
dynamics and people don't 

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realize that. 
I do have a theory of why this 

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happens. 
Go for it. 

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I'm all about theories. 
Yeah. 

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I mean, and, and this is really 
not based in anything. 

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I haven't really polled opinions
on this. 

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There's no research on this that
I'm aware of. 

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Yeah, I think over the years of 
experience this, I've seen it. 

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I think that this happens 
because there's an implication, 

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particularly when you're in a 
kink space, whether that's a 

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dungeon or someone's hosting a 
party at their place, whatever 

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it is. 
I think that when you go into 

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this space, a lot of people are 
going with the assumption that 

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there's implicit consent to 
treat people a certain way. 

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We also see this with the 
dominance as well. 

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How many times have you heard a 
Dom is called Sir or mistress? 

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And it's completely unacceptable
to those people because that's 

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not your dynamic. 
OK, granted, that's not probably

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nearly as offensive as basically
being called human scum, but 

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yeah, I mean, like, I'll 
definitely die in that hill. 

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It's not. 
They're not the same. 

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Yeah. 
And yet they are overstepping 

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boundaries and, and comfort 
levels. 

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You know, I would never go up to
a Dom, I don't know and start 

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throwing titles at them in a 
kink space because I realize 

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some people are just not 
comfortable with that. 

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It means something to them. 
Maybe not the same thing as me 

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or the same thing as you, but to
them that means something. 

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Now for a sub, it's it's kind 
of, it's the difference. 

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The difference here is that, you
know, when you're going in these

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spaces, let's suppose you're a 
common sub who's got, you know, 

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you got a collar on. 
Maybe you got like a mask on. 

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You're clearly in a situation 
where you know, you you probably

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are prepared to receive some 
level of humiliation and 

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degradation perhaps. 
But that doesn't necessarily 

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mean that you want it from every
Tom, Dick and Harry. 

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It probably just means that 
you're doing it for really the 

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amusement of their own Dom. 
So. 

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I do think that the reason why 
we see this a lot is because we 

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have this assumption that as 
soon as we go into a kink space,

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there's a mode of behavior 
that's expected. 

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You're expected to quote, act 
like a sub, Someone's expected 

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to quote, act like a Dom, 
whatever that means. 

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Your mileage may vary. 
And that's why we start to see 

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these strange behaviors and 
these strange preconceived 

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notions that we're, we're going 
to go into, you know, that's 

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just, that's just what I got. 
Yeah, I'm with you on that. 

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You know, and we talked about 
this the other day. 

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We were saying that, you know, 
in particular communities. 

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Definitely not ours. 
No, not ours. 

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But you said to me, you said, 
you know, Mia, when you started 

226
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,760
doing parties, you know, and you
post them on Fat life, 10 plus 

227
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:02,880
years ago, people were 
questioning you and they talk 

228
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,480
shit and everything else. 
I'm sure. 

229
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,200
I said, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, 
they did. 

230
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,680
And she's like, well, you know 
why that is? 

231
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,680
And I'm like, why is that? 
And you said, because I'm a 

232
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:17,840
woman and you're not a sub. 
And I'm like, oh, rut row raggy.

233
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,920
Yeah. 
It just it dawned on me because 

234
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,560
I I thought male chauvinist. 
No, they can't be that 

235
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,200
chauvinistic, but yet they 
really are. 

236
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,600
Yeah, there's a lot of people 
that have, I'll call it certain 

237
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:36,080
pathologies that I think are 
being masked by appropriate 

238
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,160
levels of kink. 
I do think that there are some 

239
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,480
chauvinists that like to pass 
themselves off as Doms. 

240
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,120
I think there's some Miss Andrus
that like to pass themselves off

241
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,160
as mistresses. 
I think there's some, you know, 

242
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,800
racists out there that like to 
claim that their kink is race 

243
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,680
play. 
That's been a huge contention. 

244
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,040
And the worldwide community. 
Yeah. 

245
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,440
I mean, I, I think that there 
are definitely people in the age

246
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,360
play community that have no 
business being there because 

247
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,240
they low key really do want to 
diddle kids. 

248
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,960
Yeah. 
I mean, that's within the realm 

249
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,800
of of reality. 
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, 

250
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,520
absolutely. 
It's kind of like we're the 

251
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,320
church and they fall back on 
religion as an excuse. 

252
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:25,600
But you know, back to the main 
topic is the fact that, you 

253
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:31,200
know, in my life, you know, I, I
always represent myself as a Dom

254
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:36,640
and that that is really the 
encompassing of my entirety and 

255
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:43,600
my life, you know, And so I know
that, you know, my husband, you 

256
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:50,080
know, he has a very demanding 
job and you know, in this life, 

257
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:56,240
you know, our dynamic clearly he
is, you know, my submissive and 

258
00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:01,200
my GIMP and you know, but you 
know, he's brilliant. 

259
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,960
And so a lot of people then 
misconstrue that, you know, 

260
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,880
well, Dom's are automatically 
smart and Subs are automatically

261
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,920
stupid. 
You know, it's like, God, what 

262
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,360
time are we living? 
You know, trust me, I've, I've 

263
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:22,280
met a Dom one time and she was a
complete moron, you know, so 

264
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,120
it's interesting. 
It really is. 

265
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,560
It intrigues me how people, you 
know, just put this label, you 

266
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,560
know, and automatically make 
assumptions. 

267
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:37,080
So that's just my take. 
Yeah. 

268
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:42,200
I mean, that kind of cuts into 
what we should be talking about 

269
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,080
today regarding this topic is 
that there's a lot of 

270
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:51,920
preconceived notions about a sub
because the thought here is, you

271
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,520
know, and I don't, I don't think
this is entirely unfair. 

272
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,200
I think it's totally normal for 
the average person to think 

273
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:57,800
this. 
What? 

274
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,720
What person in their right mind 
would want another person to 

275
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,079
have some level of control over 
them? 

276
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,720
Yeah. 
You know, you have to wonder. 

277
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,079
Yeah. 
You know, you have to wonder, 

278
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:14,119
why would you ever subject 
yourself to something like that,

279
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,119
to the control, the humiliation,
the degradation, the pain, you 

280
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,520
know, the extremes. 
Why would you do that? 

281
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,200
I mean, could it, Is it 
something about you as a person?

282
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,000
Is it something in you that's 
broken? 

283
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,640
What is it? 
I think that that's a fair 

284
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:33,520
question for all of us to have. 
Even though nobody wants to 

285
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,240
admit that. 
No one wants to admit that we 

286
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,920
still pathologize BDSM. 
Oh, yeah. 

287
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,040
And you know, that's the thing 
too. 

288
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,760
You know, we've talked about 
what I just said earlier, the 

289
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,120
prepubescent. 
No one wants to talk about that.

290
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,000
You know, it's like, hey, we're 
kinky as fuck. 

291
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,920
Well, well, Mia, why are you a 
Dom? 

292
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,960
Why do you enjoy, you know, 
kicking guys? 

293
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,920
And they're, they're nuts, you 
know? 

294
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,480
And I'm like, well, I got a 
little man hate sometimes, you 

295
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,520
know? 
And it's that interior feeling 

296
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,640
of, you know, what things were 
like sometimes when I, I know 

297
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:12,520
that cringe look, but no, I, you
know, it's in its entirety. 

298
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,640
I really like to. 
I get where you're coming. 

299
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,880
From yeah, you may get you. 
Yeah, you get. 

300
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,680
But some people may misread 
that, obviously, you know. 

301
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,440
No, but it's honestly just 
because I really do enjoy making

302
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,720
people happy and, you know, 
doing what they like. 

303
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,760
You know, like you, you said you
touched up on right race play. 

304
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,640
God forbid I'm not a racist, you
know, I have blackened 

305
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,840
MyHeritage and everything else. 
But if a guy comes in and wants 

306
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,360
race play, I'm cool with that 
because that's what they want. 

307
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,480
I really just like making people
happy. 

308
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,520
Yeah, I think that on both sides
of the slash here, at its core, 

309
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,840
we, we do want to make people 
happy. 

310
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,400
Obviously there are people out 
there that don't. 

311
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,720
That's not their goal. 
They have ulterior motives that 

312
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,800
you definitely see this among a 
lot of sadists. 

313
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,080
There's some sadists out there 
that really are diagnosed as 

314
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,520
sadists. 
And the only thing stopping them

315
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,000
from going over your boundaries 
is that they just don't want to 

316
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:13,120
go to prison, you know? 
But yeah, at its core, I think 

317
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,640
most people want to make their 
partners happy. 

318
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,080
But, you know, as far as why 
someone would want to be a sub 

319
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,840
and, and what people think 
there, I think that the general 

320
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:31,560
consensus is people will look at
a sub and they assume the person

321
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,520
is lost. 
They need guidance. 

322
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,080
And that's why they're 
gravitating towards a dominant. 

323
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,400
They're lost. 
They don't. 

324
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:43,560
They don't know how to basically
adult, as they call it today. 

325
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:49,920
They they cannot accept the kind
of autonomy they need to be a 

326
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,840
functional person. 
Or worse yet, they're broken. 

327
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,560
They're broken something. 
Don't you hate that term? 

328
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,360
Yeah, it. 
Sucks. 

329
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,800
Yeah. 
It's the idea is that a lot of 

330
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,200
people, I think, believe that a 
sub, at least on some level, is 

331
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,400
someone that that isn't a whole 
person. 

332
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,760
They're not. 
There's something wrong with 

333
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,240
them and they're even, there's 
even like an idea that Subs are 

334
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,880
even infantile. 
The idea that you need someone 

335
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,800
to basically be like an adult 
figure in your life telling you 

336
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:28,760
what to do, how to dress, how to
eat, how to behave, where to go,

337
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,880
when to go. 
These are, you know, these are 

338
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,640
parenting kind of tasks. 
These are these are the kinds of

339
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,440
things you expect a parent and a
child to have together, not two 

340
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,320
adults who are responsible and 
well adapted to their situation.

341
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,200
And yet we have so many Subs out
there who they really don't have

342
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,480
anything wrong with them at all,
except that they just like the 

343
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,480
role. 
Yeah. 

344
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,000
So that's where I think the 
whole kind of this weird 

345
00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,960
discriminatory idea about Subs 
comes from is the idea of, well,

346
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,840
wait, what do you want to be a 
sub? 

347
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,800
Could it be that there's 
something wrong with you? 

348
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:10,000
I mean, if you're one of these 
people that can't really be 

349
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:14,000
responsible person, a whole 
person, then I surely I have 

350
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,600
permission to treat you the same
way as your Dom. 

351
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,320
I mean, you see this sometimes 
with kids too, when a kid is 

352
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,920
acting up and their parent is 
not around to correct them. 

353
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,840
Sometimes other adults will say,
hey, did you think about what 

354
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,160
you're doing? 
What do you do right now? 

355
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,520
You need to stop. 
I'm gonna go tell your parents. 

356
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,600
Yeah. 
They they take on like a pseudo 

357
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,120
parental role even though 
they're not their parents. 

358
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:41,480
And this is how I see some 
outside Dom's kind of going at 

359
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,200
Subs. 
They don't. 

360
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,160
They don't even know. 
They don't even know. 

361
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,400
Yeah, exactly. 
Yeah, they forget these were 

362
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,600
adults. 
They can, they can absolutely 

363
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,760
put you in your place real 
quick. 

364
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:56,240
Yeah, my personal favor is when 
I see Subs that they run into 

365
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,200
these issues and just because 
they look like a sub, they act 

366
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,400
like a sub. 
It's assumed that you could 

367
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,960
treat them that way. 
And that dominant finds out 

368
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:10,640
later on, oof, that sub was the 
host of the party, That sub was 

369
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,960
a best friend of the host of the
party or was a staff member for 

370
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,760
the host of the party. 
And here they are treating them 

371
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,320
in such a way they wouldn't 
treat the average stranger. 

372
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,880
Yeah. 
Yeah, it's just that whole ass 

373
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,560
out of you and me, you know, of 
the assumption role. 

374
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,960
It's so crazy. 
It really is. 

375
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,200
Well, that's always an 
interesting topic. 

376
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,360
Yeah, and and it there is a flip
side to this. 

377
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:44,480
I do think that the opposite end
of this is a dumb is already 

378
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,480
given the benefit of the doubt 
because given the benefit that 

379
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,120
because they identify as a Dom 
until of course they behave a 

380
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,560
certain way and people start to 
take note. 

381
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,400
But generally, if you walk into 
the scene as a Dom and you look 

382
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,360
halfway decent and you carry 
yourself halfway decent, it's 

383
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,920
assumed that this is the 
responsible person. 

384
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:08,520
This is a safe person because 
they they've had to practice 

385
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,200
great restraint to be in that 
role. 

386
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,120
This is someone who's 
disciplined and they have their 

387
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,680
shit together. 
You know, this is someone who 

388
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,840
has a regular job, a car or a 
house, robust relationship. 

389
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,280
They probably have kids. 
Meanwhile, you know there's so 

390
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,040
many Doms out there that just 
they don't have their shit 

391
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,480
together. 
Oh my God, yeah. 

392
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,160
Because they've seen that far 
too often. 

393
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,560
Because yeah, they're people. 
They're people. 

394
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,440
It's normal. 
It's OK for a Dom to have 

395
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,880
problems. 
It's OK for a Dom to you know, 

396
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:41,040
struggle in their life just like
it's OK for a sub two as well. 

397
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,680
I think it's completely unfair 
we hold doms to a higher 

398
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,400
standard. 
Wouldn't hold a normal person. 

399
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,480
Yeah, that's entirely true. 
It's not fair, you know? 

400
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,800
They're expected to behave 
better than their Subs, which 

401
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,560
has never made any sense to me 
because the way I see it is you 

402
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,560
both should be behaving 
appropriately. 

403
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,760
Yeah, at the same level. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

404
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,400
You know, I've seen at parties 
where, you know, you've see this

405
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,560
dynamic and people still 
disregard Subs. 

406
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,520
So if they'll be, you know, on a
collar and leash, they're 

407
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,320
automatically thinking, Oh, 
well, they're they're free for 

408
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,680
the taken, you know, and then 
people don't realize, hey, you 

409
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,160
know, treat it like a boyfriend,
girlfriend relationship, you 

410
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,480
know, even if they're not, you 
know, treat it like, Hey, this 

411
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,040
is, you know, someone's 
significant partner on some 

412
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,280
level, you know, just back the 
fuck off. 

413
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,560
Yeah, I mean, and it's been, 
it's it's strange to me because 

414
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:42,000
I feel like if you spend any, 
any length of time, you know, 

415
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,520
you spend more than 5 minutes 
with any sub or any Dom. 

416
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,000
This this is like common sense. 
Yeah, this is common sense Shit.

417
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:51,160
Yeah. 
OK. 

418
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:56,160
Like right now, I actually know 
a sub right now that, you know, 

419
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,160
they work in the medical field 
and they have a Dom. 

420
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,080
Of course, what ends up 
happening is, you know, the Dom 

421
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:08,240
has a question or an issue with,
you know, basically maintaining 

422
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,800
their health. 
And, you know, a perfectly 

423
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,560
capable person who works in 
medicine, albeit is a sub is 

424
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,760
trying to tell them, oh, I know 
what's going on. 

425
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,560
I think that you should do this.
You know, that might make you 

426
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,240
feel a little bit better. 
The Dom doesn't listen to them. 

427
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,360
What they do is they go and they
they ask a friend or family 

428
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,440
member that also works in 
medicine. 

429
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,760
The only real difference between
them is 1 is a sub and the other

430
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,160
is is another person in another 
type of relationship. 

431
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,240
Yeah, that's got to be 
incredibly frustrating for them.

432
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,280
I can imagine so. 
So they're not credible because 

433
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,360
they're your sub. 
On the contrary, I would think 

434
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,640
that because they're your sub, 
they should be more credible. 

435
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,640
They have your interests in in 
mind. 

436
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,120
Yeah, definitely. 
Devoted to you on a level that 

437
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,080
exceeds that of a boyfriend and 
girlfriend, theoretically. 

438
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,600
Theoretically, yeah, but. 
That's not how this goes. 

439
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,080
They they don't listen, they 
don't take some for some people,

440
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,240
they don't take your advice into
consideration. 

441
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,680
Look, they'll listen to you, 
they'll be polite, but it's like

442
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:11,360
through 1 ear and out the other,
you know, like I know I know 

443
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,160
another sub. 
Here's here's another one. 

444
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:22,720
This sub had been they're on a 
strict diet and yeah, you know 

445
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,880
who I'm talking about. 
They're on a We all struggle. 

446
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,840
We all struggle with this. 
It's hard. 

447
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,960
Yeah, it's hard. 
You know, we live in America and

448
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,720
our diet sucks. 
Yeah, it sucks. 

449
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,480
You know, the sub is on a diet 
and good for them. 

450
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,880
They're trying to do what's 
right for them and, and, and be 

451
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,400
healthy, Right? 
And, you know, they have a Dom, 

452
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,880
and this Dom doesn't really seem
to care about what they put in 

453
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,800
their mouth or whether or not 
they get off their ass that day.

454
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,480
Sure. 
It's just how it is. 

455
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,120
And the thing about it is when 
they're trying to diet and 

456
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,840
they're trying to do what they 
what they're supposed to be 

457
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:55,640
doing on a restrictive diet, to 
me, that's a level of discipline

458
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,880
that's unusual. 
I mean, if you're in America and

459
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,720
you're trying to diet, really. 
Strict. 

460
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,240
Oh God, yeah. 
It's hard. 

461
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:03,400
It's hard. 
It's hard. 

462
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,080
So kudos. 
Anyone out there who's trying to

463
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,280
lose some weight in America like
you're, you're you're doing an 

464
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,520
uphill battle. 
Yeah. 

465
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,120
And and no one should be 
gaslighting you about that. 

466
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,400
So you got one over here trying 
to diet and the other one doing 

467
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,600
whatever the hell they want to 
do. 

468
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,720
Meanwhile, you know they're a 
Dom, right? 

469
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,080
So they're doing what they want 
to do and this one's trying to 

470
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,840
lose weight. 
They don't see, they don't see a

471
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,360
purpose in trying to lose weight
as well and trying to mimic that

472
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:36,000
kind of discipline because let's
face, you know, this Dom I got 

473
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,520
in mind, they could lose some 
damn weight. 

474
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:42,600
They need to, they do some. 
Some people really do need to 

475
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,240
lose some weight around Oh. 
Great. 

476
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,880
Agree. 
It starts to get into your, 

477
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,320
your, your quality of life. 
No, you gotta lose some weight. 

478
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,480
So the problem is that, you 
know, this particular Dom, you 

479
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,760
know, laughs at the sub whenever
the sub says, when are you going

480
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,280
to start dieting with me or 
working out with me? 

481
00:27:58,280 --> 00:27:59,960
When are we going to work on 
this together? 

482
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,840
Laughing and, and doing whatever
they want. 

483
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,320
And they think it's absurd. 
Why? 

484
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,520
In my opinion, it's just hubris.
It's just, well, I don't need 

485
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,760
to. 
I'm the Dom. 

486
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,560
I've already got my shit square.
I can do whatever I want by 

487
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,880
virtue of the title. 
I've already got my discipline 

488
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,720
card. 
I don't need to work nearly as 

489
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,360
hard as a SUB. 
A SUB has to work hard because 

490
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:25,440
the sub really needs to prove 
they've got the same level of 

491
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,520
discipline as a Dom. 
Yeah. 

492
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,800
I mean, that's an outward 
performance. 

493
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,960
There is no, you know, you just 
decided you want to, I don't 

494
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,040
know, do something highly 
personal every single day that 

495
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,680
no one could possibly see. 
You have to do, you know, 

496
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,280
certain levels of performance to
show the world, hey, I'm a 

497
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:51,120
disciplined, well adapted person
as well that has my own, you 

498
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,200
know, my own interests, you 
know, Yeah. 

499
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,640
So it's hard. 
Kit I used to date the sub. 

500
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,800
Oh my God, he had a body like a 
brick shithouse. 

501
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:09,920
He was Amerasian sexiest fuck. 
He had the best ass ever, 

502
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,080
sexiest fuck. 
Just saying. 

503
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:16,480
He was a discipline sub and damn
and he could cook. 

504
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,280
Just. 
You know, photographs and 

505
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,680
memories, that motherfucker. 
But you know what I'm saying 

506
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,120
right now, I'll tell my husband.
I'm like, get up, you fat fuck. 

507
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,040
Get to the gym. 
Oh my God. 

508
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:29,960
But he's not fat. 
He's. 

509
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,160
Super skinny. 
Wow. 

510
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,560
That's the funny part about it, 
yeah. 

511
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,600
So yeah, it's it's a 
motherfucker, It really is. 

512
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,240
But what other thoughts have you
had? 

513
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,720
So, so we talked about the 
preconceived notions of doms and

514
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,440
Subs. 
And here's where I think this 

515
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,480
comes into play with, with 
community dynamics. 

516
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:56,200
For anyone out there who decides
they want to engage in kinky 

517
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,920
activities somewhere outside of 
their bedroom, they want to go 

518
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:02,720
to parties or they want to go to
something that's organized 

519
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,520
right. 
Well, this becomes one big 

520
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:10,560
problem because you've got some 
people who are probably 

521
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,480
unbeknownst to them, making some
assumptions that can lead to 

522
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,120
some problems. 
You know, I, I could speak on 

523
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,080
that personally and I'm 
completely comfortable to do so.

524
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:27,080
You know, when I first got into,
you know, this community, I had 

525
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:33,600
a huge problem, huge problem. 
You know, my background is 

526
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,440
military. 
My background has been in an 

527
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:42,520
industry where you have to make 
snap decisions for other people 

528
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:47,520
for for life and limb. 
You have to have a level of 

529
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,080
assertiveness. 
You need to be professional. 

530
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,840
And you know, it's serious, you 
know, And so I don't think 

531
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,200
anyone received that very well. 
They don't receive that well at 

532
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,320
all. 
No, because in their minds, if 

533
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:09,280
they identify as a dominant, 
it's you know, who are you to 

534
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,160
come off as more authoritative 
than me? 

535
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:16,160
Who are you to to make me feel 
intimidated or less than? 

536
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,040
Who are you to be more 
intelligent than me? 

537
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,600
How dare you even exist as 
someone who probably has 

538
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,640
objectively better qualities 
than me. 

539
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:30,560
It's just this arrogant idea, 
you know, a sub can't exist as 

540
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,840
the best version of themselves 
without offending someone who 

541
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,040
identifies as a dominant. 
I know there's people in this 

542
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,680
area. 
They, they're acutely 

543
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,280
uncomfortable with my 
intelligence. 

544
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,920
They're like, they think it's an
affront. 

545
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:49,520
You know, I've been called a 
fake sub many times by people 

546
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,480
because they think that the way 
I conduct myself is more in line

547
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,880
with a Dom and that irritates 
them. 

548
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,720
Why the hell would somebody 
identify as a sub, but they 

549
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,720
behave in a way I expect a Dom 
to behave? 

550
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,920
Because you're a normal 
functioning person that actually

551
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,240
doesn't act like a sub 24/7. 
Well. 

552
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,200
The thing is like, what is 
acting like a sub? 

553
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,040
That's the thing. 
There is no acting like a sub. 

554
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,440
Anyone is acting like a Dom. 
I've seen Dom's roll up to their

555
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,960
meetings with fucking 
skateboards and they're 

556
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:22,440
literally in their fucking 40s. 
I've seen this with my own eyes,

557
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,400
OK? 
I've seen people flip each other

558
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,320
off like they're in middle 
school. 

559
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:34,640
I've seen people engage in 
really stupid pilly fights like 

560
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,480
they're in high school and they 
identify as Doms. 

561
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,040
They go and they shit post on 
one clicks. 

562
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,040
Oh my God, I can't stand it. 
Can't stand? 

563
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,880
It they can't identify as an 
individual and carry themselves 

564
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,560
intelligently, you know, outside
of their cliques. 

565
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,080
I don't even understand that 
either. 

566
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,480
So yeah, I mean I can understand
why it would be uncomfortable or

567
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,960
intimidating, but the fact of 
the matter is, sub is their own 

568
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,600
person. 
You're going to get a mixed bag 

569
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:05,800
of stuff with Subs and doms. 
Some Subs are fucking stupid, 

570
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,160
they do dumb shit and they need 
to be managed all the time. 

571
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:14,520
Some Subs are so autonomous that
you're going to see them and 

572
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:19,000
their doms going at it head to 
head because the sub is actually

573
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,240
right and the Dom is not, and 
they can't admit that. 

574
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,280
You're going to get a mixed bag.
You know, I'm one of those. 

575
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,880
I'm going to tell you 2 + 2 is 
not 6, it's four. 

576
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,880
Like, yeah, I don't care about 
your role anymore. 

577
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,480
You're now inconveniencing me 
with your delusion. 

578
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,000
Like I can't play that game. 
Some people can and that's fine,

579
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:44,360
but I can't. 
So there is this toxic belief 

580
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:48,720
that there is a real sub and a 
real Dom and a fake sub and a 

581
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,040
fake Dom and, and really 
unfortunately, this, these terms

582
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,840
have not gone, haven't been put 
to death. 

583
00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:00,360
Yeah, so true, So true. 
Well, speaking about being put 

584
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,920
to death, let's end this 
episode. 

585
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:09,600
Get the dagger. 
Well, thanks, That was fun. 

586
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,239
That was fun. 
So kids. 

587
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,320
Well, adults. 
Are you sure? 

588
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,840
Maybe. 
Well, if they are kids, you're 

589
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,560
probably talking to Subs 
evidently. 

590
00:34:20,679 --> 00:34:24,800
Maybe. 
All right, so until then, may 

591
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,840
all your fantasies become 
realities.