Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
Dungeon. I am your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
and today I have with me a special guest.
You know her Kit Bond. Well, hello Mistress Mia.
It's nice to come back again. Always a pleasure.
So Kit, I've got some comments that remain on the podcast.
One said wow, I fell in love with this episode.
It was about being free and cross dressing with Rick.
This is such an important and thought provoking information.
Mistress Mia. Me being a Sissy maid and a
father, this conversation opened my mind other possibilities.
This may be the best podcast about BDSM.
Thank you Mistress Mia for being out content and giving me a mind
vacation. I hope someday to meet you with
my significant other just to talk.
Have a great day. I thought that was terribly.
Sweet wow. Wasn't that nice?
Yeah. Then we had another comment and
this is when we talked about the love of Latex and he said love
your podcast and you talk about strap on harness for extra extra
large dildos and where to buy them.
I'm a size king and struggle finding the right harness for my
wife to wear. Thanks so much Todd and Amanda.
So Todd and Amanda, I will say this that she shed supplies on
fat life. You can look them up.
They always post pictures of the two of them and their strap on
play and the wife of the couple has a harness.
She's a curvy woman, but she always has these monster cocks,
so you might want to reach out to her.
I think she they sell great products, etcetera, etcetera.
So that'd be a good shout out for them as well.
The next comment was from Darren.
He's like this is on the penis pump fucked up Friday.
I did with poor Charles. I actually sucked his nuts up
and the penis pump. He says, well, I'm not well
hung, but I have that pump. Sometimes it sucks one of my
balls and oh fuck, that's rough. So I thought that was sweet and
then we have two nice little emails.
He said. Mistress Mia, I'm really loving
your podcast. I'm into ABDL, this is adult
baby diaper lovers and I'm grateful for your fun and
positive attitude towards my hard to understand love of
diapers. It is just refreshing to hear
someone giving an honest and thoughtful description.
I felt so much shame and guilt for this fetish I never chose to
have. I tried repeatedly to stop
having these desires to be put into diapers and it was very
difficult to accept the side of myself.
I don't want to bring anyone down with my story.
It really has been a serious, lonely one and shame filled
existence. My own mother had punished me
when I was 8 or 9 by making me wear diapers for misbehaving.
It was so traumatic and humiliating having to wear them
in front of my brother, my sister, and my parents.
My feelings changed after that. I became very curious about
wearing them. I would get excited just seeing
commercials for diapers on TVI didn't understand why, but I
knew I could never tell anyone about my strange desire.
So, Mr. Diaper Lover, I will say that your mother is a wretched,
horrible person who needs to burn in hell.
However, what parents don't realize and how they love to
fuck up their children is their prepubescent years.
Between the ages of eight and 12 is when they're most impacted by
a lot of sexual desires. And whether you're rubbing
mama's feet and later on develop a foot fetish or, you know, Mama
spanking you or giving you enemas because of bad behavior,
You know, it it comes down to it in the end of, yeah, this is,
you know, kids looking at me kind of funny.
But you know, this is from all the experiences that I've had
with other people that, you know, they've talked about their
experiences when they're 8 to 12 years of age.
Listen if your parents are giving you enemas.
Yeah. Probably need to report assault
to the police. They don't need to be touching
you like that. Well, this is back in the 70s,
so. It shouldn't be a thing for
anyone who has that problem. Yes it should not have been a
thing but it fortunately it was. And here is an e-mail that was
on fat and this is from a Scifun 98 that's CYF UN98.
He's a 63 year old male sub, he said.
Hi Mistress Mia, thank you for taking the time to reply.
I was away on vacation and recently returned to the daily
grind. Of course, on my 45 minute
commute I picked up on listening to your podcast.
Imagine my surprise when you read my e-mail.
You totally made my day and made me forget the hell week I've
been going through. Thank you.
By the way, you have my permission to use my Fetlife
name as well as my first name and location if you so desire.
I especially like the episodes where you recapped the party.
Great insight for those who cannot attend.
Sort of like the quote UN quote Who were you threads after
parties? Great reads in my opinion.
Well, thank you, Sai. I totally appreciate that.
And you know, if people want to reach out to you on fat, they
obviously know you're a fun little freak.
So you just like us and I'm certainly glad you enjoyed the
podcast. So today Kit and I are going to
talk about something really interesting.
It's mainly about the experiences of having a dominant
role in your life and then being a submissive or a slave in the
in the Dom lifestyle and how you actually get to deal with that
and how you have to, you know, kind of put your life in
perspective. So OK.
Yeah. So I think that people don't
realize how difficult it is to be a sub.
I think that the general idea out there is that a sub is
someone who can kick back and just endure whatever sensation
they want within their comfort level, and that's it.
They're the receivers of what they want.
So essentially they're a taker, not really a giver.
That's just been my experience. I just think that people tend to
think that about them, and they don't really think about what
goes on outside of the scene, outside of the flogging and the
nipple torture and the biting and the things in your butt.
All these fun things at some point end.
And when they end, what you have are two totally different
people. You have a person who says I'm
the boss in the scene because you're OK with me being that
thing for you, and you have another person saying I'm
comfortable with you doing that. I think that would be enjoyable.
So for our purposes, that's our dynamic.
And yet we can't neglect the fact that these people probably
have a similar vanilla life in terms of their status in life or
their experiences. You know, there's plenty of Subs
out there that they own their own businesses or their
positions of management or some of them are even probably even
politicians or prior military members.
It's particularly difficult for people like that because what
happens is they develop these these social characteristics
that people tend to liken to doms more than Subs.
You know, for instance, just assertiveness.
Would you think to see assertiveness in a sub that's
not. Yeah, That's not usually a
canonical theme in being a sub. Anything from assertiveness to
just really, it's the auspices of assertiveness, you know,
intelligence, knowing what you want, being able to draw hard
boundaries, you know, between you and other people.
These are things that are pretty much expected in Doms and not
really expected in Subs. A sub is just expected to be
docile, probably even just, you know, demure really in their
mannerisms. So.
And, you know, I hate that, you know, in the lifestyle, so many
of the times that we've been out, you know, engaging with
people and, and there's DOMS and they automatically, you know,
disregard a sub and not, you know, not acknowledging them as
a human being. You know, it's like, oh, there's
sub slave, fuck them. You know, let's treat them like
garbage. You know, it's like, no, that's,
that's really not your role. That's not your position to do
so. You know, I've had different
things like that over the years when I've had a sub in the past.
And you know, someone's like mistreating her.
And it's like, wait a minute, you don't.
She's not your sub, you know? Yeah, I mean, something happened
just recently, a special sub in your life.
We're not going to name them, but you know, someone came over,
you know, and I felt like they were really disrespectful to
this person, and they didn't want that disrespect at all.
And the reason why it was it was so shocking really is because
that person, although they identify as a sub really in a
vanilla sense, definitely had a lot more power and authority in,
in, in the context of their engagement.
And this person who was visiting did not belong being so
incredibly uncouth to this sub who did nothing to them.
Yeah. And that's the kind of
engagements I'm talking about, the kind of engagements where,
like you said, we just data dump the idea that they're human.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's, you know, it's cool. And to so many people, yeah,
it's cool. You know, I can, you know, I can
treat someone like a slave or a sub because that's what they
want. But it's like, yeah, they want
certain people to treat them like that.
And that's why you have certain dynamics and people don't
realize that. I do have a theory of why this
happens. Go for it.
I'm all about theories. Yeah.
I mean, and, and this is really not based in anything.
I haven't really polled opinions on this.
There's no research on this that I'm aware of.
Yeah, I think over the years of experience this, I've seen it.
I think that this happens because there's an implication,
particularly when you're in a kink space, whether that's a
dungeon or someone's hosting a party at their place, whatever
it is. I think that when you go into
this space, a lot of people are going with the assumption that
there's implicit consent to treat people a certain way.
We also see this with the dominance as well.
How many times have you heard a Dom is called Sir or mistress?
And it's completely unacceptable to those people because that's
not your dynamic. OK, granted, that's not probably
nearly as offensive as basically being called human scum, but
yeah, I mean, like, I'll definitely die in that hill.
It's not. They're not the same.
Yeah. And yet they are overstepping
boundaries and, and comfort levels.
You know, I would never go up to a Dom, I don't know and start
throwing titles at them in a kink space because I realize
some people are just not comfortable with that.
It means something to them. Maybe not the same thing as me
or the same thing as you, but to them that means something.
Now for a sub, it's it's kind of, it's the difference.
The difference here is that, you know, when you're going in these
spaces, let's suppose you're a common sub who's got, you know,
you got a collar on. Maybe you got like a mask on.
You're clearly in a situation where you know, you you probably
are prepared to receive some level of humiliation and
degradation perhaps. But that doesn't necessarily
mean that you want it from every Tom, Dick and Harry.
It probably just means that you're doing it for really the
amusement of their own Dom. So.
I do think that the reason why we see this a lot is because we
have this assumption that as soon as we go into a kink space,
there's a mode of behavior that's expected.
You're expected to quote, act like a sub, Someone's expected
to quote, act like a Dom, whatever that means.
Your mileage may vary. And that's why we start to see
these strange behaviors and these strange preconceived
notions that we're, we're going to go into, you know, that's
just, that's just what I got. Yeah, I'm with you on that.
You know, and we talked about this the other day.
We were saying that, you know, in particular communities.
Definitely not ours. No, not ours.
But you said to me, you said, you know, Mia, when you started
doing parties, you know, and you post them on Fat life, 10 plus
years ago, people were questioning you and they talk
shit and everything else. I'm sure.
I said, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, they did.
And she's like, well, you know why that is?
And I'm like, why is that? And you said, because I'm a
woman and you're not a sub. And I'm like, oh, rut row raggy.
Yeah. It just it dawned on me because
I I thought male chauvinist. No, they can't be that
chauvinistic, but yet they really are.
Yeah, there's a lot of people that have, I'll call it certain
pathologies that I think are being masked by appropriate
levels of kink. I do think that there are some
chauvinists that like to pass themselves off as Doms.
I think there's some Miss Andrus that like to pass themselves off
as mistresses. I think there's some, you know,
racists out there that like to claim that their kink is race
play. That's been a huge contention.
And the worldwide community. Yeah.
I mean, I, I think that there are definitely people in the age
play community that have no business being there because
they low key really do want to diddle kids.
Yeah. I mean, that's within the realm
of of reality. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
absolutely. It's kind of like we're the
church and they fall back on religion as an excuse.
But you know, back to the main topic is the fact that, you
know, in my life, you know, I, I always represent myself as a Dom
and that that is really the encompassing of my entirety and
my life, you know, And so I know that, you know, my husband, you
know, he has a very demanding job and you know, in this life,
you know, our dynamic clearly he is, you know, my submissive and
my GIMP and you know, but you know, he's brilliant.
And so a lot of people then misconstrue that, you know,
well, Dom's are automatically smart and Subs are automatically
stupid. You know, it's like, God, what
time are we living? You know, trust me, I've, I've
met a Dom one time and she was a complete moron, you know, so
it's interesting. It really is.
It intrigues me how people, you know, just put this label, you
know, and automatically make assumptions.
So that's just my take. Yeah.
I mean, that kind of cuts into what we should be talking about
today regarding this topic is that there's a lot of
preconceived notions about a sub because the thought here is, you
know, and I don't, I don't think this is entirely unfair.
I think it's totally normal for the average person to think
this. What?
What person in their right mind would want another person to
have some level of control over them?
Yeah. You know, you have to wonder.
Yeah. You know, you have to wonder,
why would you ever subject yourself to something like that,
to the control, the humiliation, the degradation, the pain, you
know, the extremes. Why would you do that?
I mean, could it, Is it something about you as a person?
Is it something in you that's broken?
What is it? I think that that's a fair
question for all of us to have. Even though nobody wants to
admit that. No one wants to admit that we
still pathologize BDSM. Oh, yeah.
And you know, that's the thing too.
You know, we've talked about what I just said earlier, the
prepubescent. No one wants to talk about that.
You know, it's like, hey, we're kinky as fuck.
Well, well, Mia, why are you a Dom?
Why do you enjoy, you know, kicking guys?
And they're, they're nuts, you know?
And I'm like, well, I got a little man hate sometimes, you
know? And it's that interior feeling
of, you know, what things were like sometimes when I, I know
that cringe look, but no, I, you know, it's in its entirety.
I really like to. I get where you're coming.
From yeah, you may get you. Yeah, you get.
But some people may misread that, obviously, you know.
No, but it's honestly just because I really do enjoy making
people happy and, you know, doing what they like.
You know, like you, you said you touched up on right race play.
God forbid I'm not a racist, you know, I have blackened
MyHeritage and everything else. But if a guy comes in and wants
race play, I'm cool with that because that's what they want.
I really just like making people happy.
Yeah, I think that on both sides of the slash here, at its core,
we, we do want to make people happy.
Obviously there are people out there that don't.
That's not their goal. They have ulterior motives that
you definitely see this among a lot of sadists.
There's some sadists out there that really are diagnosed as
sadists. And the only thing stopping them
from going over your boundaries is that they just don't want to
go to prison, you know? But yeah, at its core, I think
most people want to make their partners happy.
But, you know, as far as why someone would want to be a sub
and, and what people think there, I think that the general
consensus is people will look at a sub and they assume the person
is lost. They need guidance.
And that's why they're gravitating towards a dominant.
They're lost. They don't.
They don't know how to basically adult, as they call it today.
They they cannot accept the kind of autonomy they need to be a
functional person. Or worse yet, they're broken.
They're broken something. Don't you hate that term?
Yeah, it. Sucks.
Yeah. It's the idea is that a lot of
people, I think, believe that a sub, at least on some level, is
someone that that isn't a whole person.
They're not. There's something wrong with
them and they're even, there's even like an idea that Subs are
even infantile. The idea that you need someone
to basically be like an adult figure in your life telling you
what to do, how to dress, how to eat, how to behave, where to go,
when to go. These are, you know, these are
parenting kind of tasks. These are these are the kinds of
things you expect a parent and a child to have together, not two
adults who are responsible and well adapted to their situation.
And yet we have so many Subs out there who they really don't have
anything wrong with them at all, except that they just like the
role. Yeah.
So that's where I think the whole kind of this weird
discriminatory idea about Subs comes from is the idea of, well,
wait, what do you want to be a sub?
Could it be that there's something wrong with you?
I mean, if you're one of these people that can't really be
responsible person, a whole person, then I surely I have
permission to treat you the same way as your Dom.
I mean, you see this sometimes with kids too, when a kid is
acting up and their parent is not around to correct them.
Sometimes other adults will say, hey, did you think about what
you're doing? What do you do right now?
You need to stop. I'm gonna go tell your parents.
Yeah. They they take on like a pseudo
parental role even though they're not their parents.
And this is how I see some outside Dom's kind of going at
Subs. They don't.
They don't even know. They don't even know.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they forget these were
adults. They can, they can absolutely
put you in your place real quick.
Yeah, my personal favor is when I see Subs that they run into
these issues and just because they look like a sub, they act
like a sub. It's assumed that you could
treat them that way. And that dominant finds out
later on, oof, that sub was the host of the party, That sub was
a best friend of the host of the party or was a staff member for
the host of the party. And here they are treating them
in such a way they wouldn't treat the average stranger.
Yeah. Yeah, it's just that whole ass
out of you and me, you know, of the assumption role.
It's so crazy. It really is.
Well, that's always an interesting topic.
Yeah, and and it there is a flip side to this.
I do think that the opposite end of this is a dumb is already
given the benefit of the doubt because given the benefit that
because they identify as a Dom until of course they behave a
certain way and people start to take note.
But generally, if you walk into the scene as a Dom and you look
halfway decent and you carry yourself halfway decent, it's
assumed that this is the responsible person.
This is a safe person because they they've had to practice
great restraint to be in that role.
This is someone who's disciplined and they have their
shit together. You know, this is someone who
has a regular job, a car or a house, robust relationship.
They probably have kids. Meanwhile, you know there's so
many Doms out there that just they don't have their shit
together. Oh my God, yeah.
Because they've seen that far too often.
Because yeah, they're people. They're people.
It's normal. It's OK for a Dom to have
problems. It's OK for a Dom to you know,
struggle in their life just like it's OK for a sub two as well.
I think it's completely unfair we hold doms to a higher
standard. Wouldn't hold a normal person.
Yeah, that's entirely true. It's not fair, you know?
They're expected to behave better than their Subs, which
has never made any sense to me because the way I see it is you
both should be behaving appropriately.
Yeah, at the same level. Yeah, absolutely.
You know, I've seen at parties where, you know, you've see this
dynamic and people still disregard Subs.
So if they'll be, you know, on a collar and leash, they're
automatically thinking, Oh, well, they're they're free for
the taken, you know, and then people don't realize, hey, you
know, treat it like a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, you
know, even if they're not, you know, treat it like, Hey, this
is, you know, someone's significant partner on some
level, you know, just back the fuck off.
Yeah, I mean, and it's been, it's it's strange to me because
I feel like if you spend any, any length of time, you know,
you spend more than 5 minutes with any sub or any Dom.
This this is like common sense. Yeah, this is common sense Shit.
Yeah. OK.
Like right now, I actually know a sub right now that, you know,
they work in the medical field and they have a Dom.
Of course, what ends up happening is, you know, the Dom
has a question or an issue with, you know, basically maintaining
their health. And, you know, a perfectly
capable person who works in medicine, albeit is a sub is
trying to tell them, oh, I know what's going on.
I think that you should do this. You know, that might make you
feel a little bit better. The Dom doesn't listen to them.
What they do is they go and they they ask a friend or family
member that also works in medicine.
The only real difference between them is 1 is a sub and the other
is is another person in another type of relationship.
Yeah, that's got to be incredibly frustrating for them.
I can imagine so. So they're not credible because
they're your sub. On the contrary, I would think
that because they're your sub, they should be more credible.
They have your interests in in mind.
Yeah, definitely. Devoted to you on a level that
exceeds that of a boyfriend and girlfriend, theoretically.
Theoretically, yeah, but. That's not how this goes.
They they don't listen, they don't take some for some people,
they don't take your advice into consideration.
Look, they'll listen to you, they'll be polite, but it's like
through 1 ear and out the other, you know, like I know I know
another sub. Here's here's another one.
This sub had been they're on a strict diet and yeah, you know
who I'm talking about. They're on a We all struggle.
We all struggle with this. It's hard.
Yeah, it's hard. You know, we live in America and
our diet sucks. Yeah, it sucks.
You know, the sub is on a diet and good for them.
They're trying to do what's right for them and, and, and be
healthy, Right? And, you know, they have a Dom,
and this Dom doesn't really seem to care about what they put in
their mouth or whether or not they get off their ass that day.
Sure. It's just how it is.
And the thing about it is when they're trying to diet and
they're trying to do what they what they're supposed to be
doing on a restrictive diet, to me, that's a level of discipline
that's unusual. I mean, if you're in America and
you're trying to diet, really. Strict.
Oh God, yeah. It's hard.
It's hard.
So kudos. Anyone out there who's trying to
lose some weight in America like you're, you're you're doing an
uphill battle. Yeah.
And and no one should be gaslighting you about that.
So you got one over here trying to diet and the other one doing
whatever the hell they want to do.
Meanwhile, you know they're a Dom, right?
So they're doing what they want to do and this one's trying to
lose weight. They don't see, they don't see a
purpose in trying to lose weight as well and trying to mimic that
kind of discipline because let's face, you know, this Dom I got
in mind, they could lose some damn weight.
They need to, they do some. Some people really do need to
lose some weight around Oh. Great.
Agree. It starts to get into your,
your, your quality of life. No, you gotta lose some weight.
So the problem is that, you know, this particular Dom, you
know, laughs at the sub whenever the sub says, when are you going
to start dieting with me or working out with me?
When are we going to work on this together?
Laughing and, and doing whatever they want.
And they think it's absurd. Why?
In my opinion, it's just hubris. It's just, well, I don't need
to. I'm the Dom.
I've already got my shit square. I can do whatever I want by
virtue of the title. I've already got my discipline
card. I don't need to work nearly as
hard as a SUB. A SUB has to work hard because
the sub really needs to prove they've got the same level of
discipline as a Dom. Yeah.
I mean, that's an outward performance.
There is no, you know, you just decided you want to, I don't
know, do something highly personal every single day that
no one could possibly see. You have to do, you know,
certain levels of performance to show the world, hey, I'm a
disciplined, well adapted person as well that has my own, you
know, my own interests, you know, Yeah.
So it's hard. Kit I used to date the sub.
Oh my God, he had a body like a brick shithouse.
He was Amerasian sexiest fuck. He had the best ass ever,
sexiest fuck. Just saying.
He was a discipline sub and damn and he could cook.
Just. You know, photographs and
memories, that motherfucker. But you know what I'm saying
right now, I'll tell my husband. I'm like, get up, you fat fuck.
Get to the gym. Oh my God.
But he's not fat. He's.
Super skinny. Wow.
That's the funny part about it, yeah.
So yeah, it's it's a motherfucker, It really is.
But what other thoughts have you had?
So, so we talked about the preconceived notions of doms and
Subs. And here's where I think this
comes into play with, with community dynamics.
For anyone out there who decides they want to engage in kinky
activities somewhere outside of their bedroom, they want to go
to parties or they want to go to something that's organized
right. Well, this becomes one big
problem because you've got some people who are probably
unbeknownst to them, making some assumptions that can lead to
some problems. You know, I, I could speak on
that personally and I'm completely comfortable to do so.
You know, when I first got into, you know, this community, I had
a huge problem, huge problem. You know, my background is
military. My background has been in an
industry where you have to make snap decisions for other people
for for life and limb. You have to have a level of
assertiveness. You need to be professional.
And you know, it's serious, you know, And so I don't think
anyone received that very well. They don't receive that well at
all. No, because in their minds, if
they identify as a dominant, it's you know, who are you to
come off as more authoritative than me?
Who are you to to make me feel intimidated or less than?
Who are you to be more intelligent than me?
How dare you even exist as someone who probably has
objectively better qualities than me.
It's just this arrogant idea, you know, a sub can't exist as
the best version of themselves without offending someone who
identifies as a dominant. I know there's people in this
area. They, they're acutely
uncomfortable with my intelligence.
They're like, they think it's an affront.
You know, I've been called a fake sub many times by people
because they think that the way I conduct myself is more in line
with a Dom and that irritates them.
Why the hell would somebody identify as a sub, but they
behave in a way I expect a Dom to behave?
Because you're a normal functioning person that actually
doesn't act like a sub 24/7. Well.
The thing is like, what is acting like a sub?
That's the thing. There is no acting like a sub.
Anyone is acting like a Dom. I've seen Dom's roll up to their
meetings with fucking skateboards and they're
literally in their fucking 40s. I've seen this with my own eyes,
OK? I've seen people flip each other
off like they're in middle school.
I've seen people engage in really stupid pilly fights like
they're in high school and they identify as Doms.
They go and they shit post on one clicks.
Oh my God, I can't stand it. Can't stand?
It they can't identify as an individual and carry themselves
intelligently, you know, outside of their cliques.
I don't even understand that either.
So yeah, I mean I can understand why it would be uncomfortable or
intimidating, but the fact of the matter is, sub is their own
person. You're going to get a mixed bag
of stuff with Subs and doms. Some Subs are fucking stupid,
they do dumb shit and they need to be managed all the time.
Some Subs are so autonomous that you're going to see them and
their doms going at it head to head because the sub is actually
right and the Dom is not, and they can't admit that.
You're going to get a mixed bag. You know, I'm one of those.
I'm going to tell you 2 + 2 is not 6, it's four.
Like, yeah, I don't care about your role anymore.
You're now inconveniencing me with your delusion.
Like I can't play that game. Some people can and that's fine,
but I can't. So there is this toxic belief
that there is a real sub and a real Dom and a fake sub and a
fake Dom and, and really unfortunately, this, these terms
have not gone, haven't been put to death.
Yeah, so true, So true. Well, speaking about being put
to death, let's end this episode.
Get the dagger. Well, thanks, That was fun.
That was fun. So kids.
Well, adults. Are you sure?
Maybe. Well, if they are kids, you're
probably talking to Subs evidently.
Maybe. All right, so until then, may
all your fantasies become realities.