1 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,280 Hi. Welcome to the latest episode of 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,880 Call Me Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,960 and I've got with me my 2 favorites, Madame Liv and Lil 4 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,560 PO, Master Viper. A. 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:18,000 A. A. 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:26,120 Yo-yo yo. You know, I went through an 7 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:34,920 edited Friday's episode and holy shit balls we laugh so fucking 8 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,160 much on that episode. I hope no one said. 9 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:41,040 God I wish they would quit fucking laughing so much. 10 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,840 I don't care if they say that I had a good time it. 11 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,600 Was too as. Much as this is for like the 12 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,360 general public, it's also for us. 13 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,840 And we get to have fun and we get to release our thoughts. 14 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,760 And if you don't like us, happy. So sorry. 15 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,520 Alright, I like that note. So anywho, Speaking of notes, we 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,840 have two emails. This was quite funny. 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,080 I don't think people realize that I get multiple emails and 18 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:08,240 multiple texts every day and I really try to find the time to 19 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:13,520 respond as quickly as possible. And so when we were expecting 20 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,360 different people to come yesterday to the dungeon and I'm 21 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:21,960 juggling what I am, I get this e-mail on fat and this this 22 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,800 gentleman he requested to see live, okay. 23 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,240 And I said, yeah, you know, she, you can see her today at 11:00. 24 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,080 And he's like, no, I can't do 11. 25 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,840 I said, OK, well what time he's like, I don't know, I've got to 26 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:38,720 get stuff to do an enema because he wanted to do some anal play 27 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:43,680 and I'm like, oh, lucky live. But I told him, I said if he 28 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,840 wanted that, then he has to do an animal. 29 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,800 And it's a really critical thing and people don't get this. 30 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,000 So if you want to come in for ass play, in the words of Lady 31 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,840 Velvet Steel, I don't want to play with your shit. 32 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,680 I want to play with your ass and that's it. 33 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,360 So people have to realize you have to fast at least 4 hours 34 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:10,720 minimum because we don't want to strike an oil Chamber of shit. 35 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,920 We have one gentleman and he contacts me all the fucking time 36 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,320 and poor Barbie got stuck with him last time and you know he 37 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:24,920 wanted to see Barbie but his asshole became a quick lava cake 38 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,800 of fucking disgustingness and we had to put the trash can like 39 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,560 and he was like oh he completely obliterated to the oh excuse me. 40 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,120 He was completely oblivious to the fact he. 41 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,360 Obliterated that room is what he did. 42 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:47,080 He obliterated the room and he was oblivious to it, but he. 43 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,600 Fucking wasn't. He pretended to be, yeah. 44 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,040 But. Anywho, in the continuation of 45 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,880 this e-mail he tells me he has two enema. 46 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:03,160 So I tell him I said you get a warm enema bottle from the store 47 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:07,240 and instead of using the contents you throw the contents 48 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,160 out and you get distilled warm water. 49 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,200 I said flush it three times until it's clear. 50 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:20,560 But I mistyped instead of saying until clear my phone picked up 51 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:26,280 don't eat. Until your ass is no longer 52 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,680 eating that enema. OK, I see. 53 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,040 Where you going with that I. Know it was a mistype. 54 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,000 It was a mistype. I couldn't. 55 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:40,480 Don't eat it anyway. So like I asked, don't eat. 56 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,960 So I thought that was very amusing. 57 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:45,800 I. Like it? 58 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,560 I like it. You know, instead of saying, oh, 59 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,400 Mistress Mia, I get it, this is probably a mist type. 60 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,680 No, I'm not going to eat my enema before my shit. 61 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,440 But but we do have a gentleman and he wants to come in this 62 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,760 week at some point, but the week is almost over, so probably have 63 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,080 to be next week. And I said I'm pretty much the 64 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,120 only one who do toilet toilet training. 65 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,960 What's up? With you today, it's toilet 66 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:13,800 training. It's. 67 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,320 Toilet training in obliterate that. 68 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,680 Toilet. And. 69 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,280 Really getting made fun of right now. 70 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,240 Like I just lost my dog 2 days ago. 71 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,760 Hey don't bring that up. You fuckers are making fun of 72 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,360 me. Fuck you, hey. 73 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,640 The dead dog card. Kind of shine and you're lying. 74 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,480 How about you come to work and actual clothes that belong? 75 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,560 To. You you wear something that 76 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,160 covers too. Where are you wearing? 77 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,080 Yeah, you can see my Tatas anyway. 78 00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,200 Hey, I'm just sitting over here enjoying the conversation, 79 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,400 y'all, Y'all keep going, keep going. 80 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,400 It's happening so fast, I don't know what's going on. 81 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,360 OK, all right, so let's get serious for a moment. 82 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,280 Stop making fun of your mistress Mia. 83 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,080 OK, so. No promises. 84 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:18,800 She said I'm a dog, damn it. So there's this gentleman and he 85 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,280 is absolutely, it's just a sweetheart. 86 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:23,800 He's been writing the podcast and myself for the last year. 87 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,360 I told him that last October when I went to a wedding in 88 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,600 Vermont that I would make time. I would more than happy to come 89 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,120 and see him, but he at the time just wasn't available. 90 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,920 You know, our our schedules didn't mash. 91 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,840 And so you know, he's proceeded. He's continued to write me 92 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,680 during this time, but his name is Tony and Tony really 93 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:49,080 struggles a lot with his own self worth, his value, 94 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,600 depression, etcetera. And he's never told his wife 95 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,360 really all of his kinks, which is a lot of like forced male 96 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:01,720 bisexual, you know, aspects of his sexuality and you know, 97 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,400 there's various things. I'm sure there's more there that 98 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,280 he really just hasn't revealed with everything, right? 99 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,480 But anyway, he writes me and he's like hello Mistress, happy 100 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,640 Labor Day. I hope you had a great weekend 101 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,600 and even better summer. I wanted to get your opinion on 102 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:20,400 something given your years of experience in the dungeon. 103 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,320 I consider you an expert in the field. 104 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:26,560 On top of your masters in BDSM kink, you're also a kind and 105 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,280 caring person, so your point of view means something to me. 106 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,840 Do you believe there's a correlation between submission 107 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,360 and depression? We've talked about this in the 108 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,840 past. I do enjoy degradation and 109 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:41,520 humiliation. I've also been into hypno and 110 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:46,080 forced intox videos. He does poppers, that kind of 111 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,720 thing. He said. 112 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,760 I came across a particular video from a content creator that 113 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,240 makes hypno popper intox videos with degradation and 114 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,560 humiliation. Verbal abuse sounds like a 115 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:02,360 perfect combo for me. Afterwards, even I thought it 116 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,640 was a bit intense and it had me taking a look at the bigger 117 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,280 picture. I added a link to the video 118 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,200 below just in case you're curious. 119 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,000 So I recently have been thinking how I view myself and myself 120 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,480 image. Recently I've been thinking 121 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,760 about how I view myself and myself image. 122 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,800 I came to the realization that I don't think I like myself at 123 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,520 all. I judge myself harshly for the 124 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,040 mistakes I've made and not having the balls to do what I 125 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,040 need to do to be a better person. 126 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,320 I then began looking back on different actions in my past and 127 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:37,560 realize that self loathing has been around me for a very long 128 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,640 while. I personally think my sub traits 129 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,040 kick in stronger when I feel depressed or anxious about 130 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,560 things. At times it makes me wonder why 131 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,000 I'm attracted to humiliated and degraded. 132 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,760 At times I just love it. Other times I wish I didn't like 133 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,120 it as much as I do. It's like a catch 22. 134 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,040 I feel like I need it but I'm afraid I might be harming me. 135 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,200 I didn't mean to have this letter ramble on like this. 136 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,400 I guess I never put my thoughts on paper, so to speak like this 137 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,400 before. It's been bouncing around in my 138 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,480 head for like a week or so and I'm very curious to hear someone 139 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,400 else's opinion. I apologize for dumping this on 140 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,600 you. And you don't have to respond at 141 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:21,000 all if you don't wish to. Anyway, he said PSI don't mind 142 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,800 if you use this on the podcast either. 143 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,400 I think your show is a vital part to other kinky people out 144 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,440 there. If I can help people that, that 145 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,840 would be great. There's just a couple of emails. 146 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,280 We'll continue and I'll read on and then then after we're done, 147 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,520 we'll well, feel free to you can tell me your side of everything. 148 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,919 So I said, I wrote to him. I said, Tony, First off, thank 149 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:43,240 you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate you putting 150 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,080 me in such high regard. I will tell you that in my past, 151 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,800 I've worked with mental health for a number of years and being 152 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,720 in diabetes and for over 30 years at this point, I would 153 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,280 have to say, yes, there's a correlation between submission 154 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,840 and depression. No one wants to admit that 155 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,920 typically. But in the mix of it all, I see 156 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,680 drug abuse, alcoholism, addiction, depression, chemical 157 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:10,160 imbalances, etcetera. I think that we as gangsters get 158 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,800 into the lifestyle because of needing the outlet to express 159 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:17,040 ourselves openly and freely and in some being submissive, they 160 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,280 go back typically to a place of trauma or go to back to a place 161 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,920 that makes them whole again. Is it possible we all have some 162 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,160 chemical imbalances or some depression? 163 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,520 Sure. But when you start talking about 164 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,560 humiliation and depredation, that typically is centered 165 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:36,120 around abuse, child or different types of trauma. 166 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,280 Normally it's an abusive parent or someone else. 167 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,760 And there is, there's always another person or an adult who's 168 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,000 the enabler and not the protector. 169 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,760 Tony, don't feel guilt or shame for anything. 170 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,640 None of this is your fault. You have to do in life what 171 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,000 makes you happy and what helps you be you. 172 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,520 Please feel free to contact me anytime. 173 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,560 Please feel free to tell me your story. 174 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,120 Warmest thoughts your way, Mia. Then he's this mistress. 175 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,360 Thank you for writing me back. I didn't know you worked in 176 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,080 mental health also. That's amazing. 177 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,360 I really thought what you provided in the dungeon was a 178 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,360 gift and now add that on type. I generally think that you want 179 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,560 to help people. That's not something I usually 180 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,480 see from someone in your line of work. 181 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,760 That's why I put you in such high regard. 182 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,200 I still regret not meeting you in person when you were here 183 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,760 last year. As for my story I mentioned 184 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,280 before about the babysitter, they expose me to porn at a 185 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,640 pretty young age, like 9 or 10 years of age and I think now how 186 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,200 that affected me especially being the father of a 10 year 187 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:41,360 old boy myself. As for trauma or abuse, I didn't 188 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,960 really have it. My father wasn't a St. but 189 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,840 definitely was not abusive. My parents divorced when I was 7 190 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,600 and my father turned drugs and into a full blown addict by the 191 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,440 time I was 16. I don't speak with them as a 192 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,520 result. But no sexual abuse or physical 193 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,360 abuse. That's why it leaves me so 194 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,600 confused at times why I am the way I am, why things pique my 195 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,320 interest. So I really appreciate you 196 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,360 taking the time to write me. You really help people so much. 197 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,840 Thank you again for helping me so I continue. 198 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,080 I know. Not me, it's. 199 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:15,320 Not me. It's your kids going to school. 200 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,640 Yeah. OK, let me see. 201 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,160 I said. Tony, my dear, if given the 202 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,320 situation with your father was was that scenario, then maybe 203 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,600 you just send her some guilt, maybe thinking at a younger age 204 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,760 that you could rescue the man who was closest to you or at 205 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,760 least should have been. I think the biggest thing is 206 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,480 letting go and forgiving yourself. 207 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,160 And if there's a way that you could communicate with your 208 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,760 father now, maybe comfortably get in touch with him without 209 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,320 without ill feelings and gain closure. 210 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,440 If you can do that, think about doing that. 211 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,480 Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, especially not knowing 212 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,760 what your father endured as a child himself to become who he 213 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,800 is. But think about it this way. 214 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:05,240 By men want the love and or acceptance of other men for a 215 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,120 reason. The humiliation stems from maybe 216 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,560 guilt of not being able to change your circumstances. 217 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,600 The fucked up babysitter was obviously a predator in the 218 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,960 making and if we have no other vices and considering you didn't 219 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,240 become an addict like your father, sex became the next 220 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,000 logical vice. And then I said again, our pass 221 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,600 will cross one day and I'll gladly meet you and we can 222 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,000 finally talk in person. You have to know you're a good 223 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,280 man and I'm sure a good father and husband. 224 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,440 Do not demean yourself or devalue yourself for something 225 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,360 you feel shame for. Too many factors come into play 226 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:42,680 in our lives that make us who we are, and despite our kinks, 227 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,440 we're pretty amazing. I include you in that statement. 228 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,600 So take a deep breath every time you start to think negatively of 229 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,240 yourself and say to yourself at least three good things about 230 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,120 you. For one, you're smart, kind, 231 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,200 understanding, and devashly handsome. 232 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,760 This man's fine as fuck. You deserve to be happy, Tony. 233 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,040 Don't find fault in something that doesn't exist. 234 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,680 You are a beautiful soul. And then he writes me back. 235 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,040 Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to me. 236 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,680 I'm the kind of guy who bottles things up sometimes, and I don't 237 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,160 always face the things standing in front of me. 238 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,800 Just taking those 5 minutes out of your day to respond really 239 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,600 means the world to me. I know I'll find that self love 240 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,680 and forgiveness soon enough. Tony. 241 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,680 And one final e-mail I did write to him today. 242 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,040 I said Tony, you know I'm your friend and although we've never 243 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,840 met, I still think of you as such. 244 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,320 I'm here for you anytime you want to talk things out. 245 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,880 But yes, find that self love and acceptance within yourself. 246 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,240 I know your family loves you because they see all these 247 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,320 amazing attributes of you and you want to be a strong 248 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,400 individual and parent for your son. 249 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,240 Never slight yourself and don't turn the mountains you've 250 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:53,280 climbed into small little hills. Just keep growing, find your 251 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,560 inner strength and know you were loved and cared for. 252 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,800 Your friend Mia, I love it. You love it. 253 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,840 You did a great job, Fred. Thank you. 254 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,400 Thank you. Yeah, I my heart just goes out 255 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,600 to this man. He sent me, you know, pictures 256 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,160 of him and his wife. And like I say, he's he's a 257 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,560 damn, he's fine. But you know, Poe live, you both 258 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,600 have your own chemical imbalances. 259 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,800 You've all struggled with depression. 260 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,240 You know, I went through a severe depression, you know, at 261 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,000 a point in my life, but it was a situational depression. 262 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000 I didn't have to live with this every day. 263 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,360 All right, So what advice would you all have to get to Tony 264 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,400 Hope? Would you like to go first on 265 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,200 that one And then we can get to live? 266 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,080 Sure. First of all, I really 267 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,800 appreciate the way that he is diving into himself. 268 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,840 Actually self examine, that's where a lot of people kind of 269 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,280 fall flat. Maybe they on a very surface 270 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:49,160 level go, OK, this is what I do and dive deep into it to figure 271 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,480 out, OK, well, but why do I do this and OK, then why do I do 272 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,920 that and then kind of follow the rabbit trail bound. 273 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,120 So kudos were even beginning to do that because that's very hard 274 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,680 to. Self analyze yourself. 275 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,240 Various. I mean, I understand what he's 276 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,160 saying. He mentioned in there something 277 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,080 about forgiving himself. Through what you were reading, I 278 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,200 didn't find anything that he needs to forgive himself about. 279 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,760 I find there's things that he needs to accept about himself, 280 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,720 but forgiving that, saying that he's at fault. 281 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,520 There's situations that happen that maybe put him in that state 282 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,280 of mind where he wants those things or needs those things in 283 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,960 his life, but that's not something that you have to 284 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,080 forgive yourself over. No, I think he he in correlation 285 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,920 to that statement. I think at the beginning of it 286 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,240 he was saying that he didn't have the balls to do what it 287 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:37,280 takes to improve his life and do what he had to do in order to 288 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,440 better himself. So like earlier in life. 289 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,440 Yeah, so I think he's blaming himself. 290 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,480 OK, OK, well, you, but you can't hit, but you can't see. 291 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,800 And just the fact that he's willing to analyze himself and 292 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,600 try and figure out things. Absolutely. 293 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,280 Yeah. So I understand you're saying 294 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,840 basically what you're just saying is that you would have 295 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,520 wished that you had figured this out years ago. 296 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,080 And hindsight's always 2020, so yeah. 297 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,240 Always just move forward. Don't look back. 298 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,200 They're just exceptionally hard. Oh, yeah, definitely. 299 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,520 There are still things that have happened in my past. 300 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,560 I will literally talk out loud and go, oh, here's here's what I 301 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,920 should have said, here's what I should have did. 302 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,720 And almost like rehearse it over and over again so that the 303 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,360 situation never happened again. I know exactly what I would do 304 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:24,000 and how I would respond to it. But even then, unless you're 305 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,640 actually put into that situation, you don't know if 306 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,560 you're going to have that stuff come to mind or it's waste. 307 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,880 It's wasted energy, you know, walking towards peace. 308 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,960 But I feel like with his his feelings, if he feels like 309 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,920 there's guilt involved, I think submission and BDSM can help him 310 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:45,240 get to know himself better and be able to maybe get a sense of 311 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,680 release in it. And once he releases that 312 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,720 feeling, he can then walk forward in it. 313 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,080 Yeah, I agree with that. And I think that Liv always has 314 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,600 the best advice to people. And you always say journal. 315 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,319 And he said in the e-mail that he's never put his words down on 316 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:06,920 paper, you know, versus an actual e-mail. 317 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,599 So he hasn't really put his thoughts down. 318 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,480 And I think, Tony, I think the best advice to write in your 319 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,520 journal. But Liv, don't you agree? 320 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,920 You always talk about people writing in the journal. 321 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,359 Yeah, a lot of, I mean I benefit from it too. 322 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,359 Like I will think I'm well, even whenever came. 323 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,800 Let's start back over. I read my journal recently. 324 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:29,000 I put all my thoughts onto the paper and then I reread it. 325 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,640 And then you kind of look at yourself. 326 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,080 You can either be like, wow, that's ridiculous. 327 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,440 Why would I feel that? Or, you know, you kind of like 328 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,040 see a little bit more self reflection, like, wow, I'm 329 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,280 talking to myself like that. Or you could see where you went 330 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,680 wrong with something, you know, just you could see things a 331 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,280 little clearer whenever you read back. 332 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,960 I don't necessarily recommend doing it through typing because 333 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,080 you don't really go back to it. You just type it all out and 334 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,320 your mind is it's gone, which is good. 335 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,080 It's some sort of like you let it go, but there's something 336 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,120 about just writing it down. It's painful and you know your 337 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,680 fingers will start hurting, but all of it is connected. 338 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,440 Yeah, I think that's a great way to do it. 339 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,240 But I'm like, PO, I'm it's like, what does he have to forgive 340 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,760 himself on? And it's like, you know, the 341 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,520 humiliation degradation, a lot of people love that. 342 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,240 But anytime I've come across people who love the humiliation 343 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:21,280 degradation, it's usually someone who endured some type of 344 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,600 kind of like a push back, you know, growing up as a kid, you 345 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,840 know, getting that, you know, you weren't, you weren't worthy 346 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,080 enough, you don't deserve this, blah, blah, blah, I feel. 347 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,200 Like it would be opposite. See I I the opposite way as 348 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,840 well. Yeah, to take and be like 349 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,680 smothered with that. You're awesome, you're great, 350 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,520 you're fantastic. And you're like, no, I'm not. 351 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,960 I have all these other qualities. 352 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,960 I'm trash. And he needs to be told that 353 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,920 he's trash because he knows that he is trash when he's not trash. 354 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,320 But that's why you feel about yourself. 355 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,920 So you wanted somebody else to validate that for some reason, 356 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,640 and it releases it in your brain? 357 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,200 Yeah, yeah, like I said, I've already got so many negative 358 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,480 thoughts in my head already, I don't need another person saying 359 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,840 it out loud and validating that thought. 360 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,040 Yeah. Remember you saying that before? 361 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,520 It's just just something about, you know, that, you know, 362 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,560 embarrassing situations that's totally different. 363 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,600 That's just a a momentary thing where it's like, you know, 364 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,960 everybody laughs, that kind of thing, whatever. 365 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,320 But if it's true, like something about my character that you're 366 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,360 pointing out, change. Oh, that. 367 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,680 I don't believe that anybody should be pointed out for things 368 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,520 that he can't or she can't change. 369 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,120 You can't point out something about their eyes, their nose, 370 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,200 their lips, that but their weight, the way that they're 371 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,880 talking to themselves. These are things that they can 372 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,040 change. You can work on things about 373 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,120 yourself, but things that you can't change. 374 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,480 I think it's just rude. Yeah. 375 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,840 And it's disgusting to just be mean to somebody. 376 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,600 We don't want to be mean, No. Like so if that's what you want, 377 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,720 power to you somebody. Support you can be mean. 378 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,680 I get it. I understand that those people 379 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,160 are out. That's why I leave that up to. 380 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,480 Yeah, she's good at it. What am I good at? 381 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,080 Being mean. Oh, like, you know, they want 382 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,000 that, you know? Yeah, they. 383 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:56,600 Want that? Yeah. 384 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,080 When they come in saying that they want it, yeah, you're like 385 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,880 game fucking on. Yeah, it's game on, isn't it? 386 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,840 Yeah, problems with that. I will say that the people that 387 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,280 I've always come across, especially local people coming 388 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,080 to events or whatever, submissives or people coming 389 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,440 into the dungeon that have been submissive, I've never 390 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,280 specifically said, hey, you have depression. 391 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,320 But it's usually if they want humiliation, degradation, 392 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,360 there's obvious depression. There's obvious things that 393 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,400 they've experienced and basically ruined aspects of 394 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,360 their life that they regret because of addictions or, or 395 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,240 other things. So that was his question. 396 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:38,040 Do you think BDSM submission is correlated to depression or 397 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,960 mental health? You know, I don't think a lot of 398 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,400 people want to say yeah. Yeah, You know, I would say 399 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,080 mental health, not always depression. 400 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,400 You definitely have some traumas or something going on. 401 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,720 But I could see where he's coming from because if you're a 402 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,800 submissive, that means you're gonna get praised for, you know, 403 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,080 looking at somebody else's needs and supplying those needs. 404 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,080 And if you're not feeling too good about yourself, you can 405 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,400 look at how at least you're treating other people around you 406 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,080 and going, hey, I got a little bit of a high just knowing how 407 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,960 happy I made that other person. Yeah. 408 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,080 So I could see the correlation between the two. 409 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,720 It's proving yourself, yeah. It's proving yourself. 410 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,480 And being constantly validated, yeah. 411 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,640 I could definitely understand it, and you have someone who's 412 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,440 solely paying attention to you because you're meeting their 413 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,920 needs so well that how can they not solely have all their energy 414 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,080 and their mental focus on you at that moment? 415 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,760 Oh yeah, I could definitely see where there would be a 416 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,840 correlation between. It and it's definitely needed. 417 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,400 I think it should be a talk about things throughout 418 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,880 anything. It doesn't have to be just like 419 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,440 a kink. I think BDSM is therapy. 420 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,440 No, definitely. It is very and very much so, 421 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,960 therapy. And that's part of his, man, the 422 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,000 emails that come back and forth, that's kind of what I, I sense 423 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,360 is he's trying to figure out how to release some of this negative 424 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,960 energy that he feels about himself. 425 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,920 Instead of looking at it as I need forgiveness and I can look 426 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,640 at it as the experiences that you experience here can actually 427 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,280 help you take back that power. Sometimes that power is not 428 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,720 going to be given back to you. You have to take that shit back. 429 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,880 Yeah, there's been some situations here at the dungeon 430 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,520 where I, I took that shit back. They don't get to have it 431 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,160 anymore. And by doing that, it allowed me 432 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,320 to be able to go OK. And there's a lot of things that 433 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,920 happened in the past that today I'm like, yeah, it happened, but 434 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,760 it doesn't affect me on a daily basis now. 435 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,600 So in a way, you kind of forgave yourself. 436 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,720 I think it's the opposite way. I forgave the other person 437 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,040 because I back at the power and I figured out that didn't kill 438 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,840 me. Maybe it was just because it 439 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,160 happened at a certain age that it's morphed my brain into 440 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,280 thinking, not necessarily that they weren't wrong, but it was 441 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,200 worse than it really was in a way. 442 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,880 And then when you recreate that situation and you choose to put 443 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,200 yourself in that situation, sometimes you can be like, hey, 444 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,840 actually kind of enjoy that here. 445 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,040 Again, not saying that what they did initially was right, and it 446 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,120 may be one of the reasons why you enjoy it is because your 447 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,120 brain needs to rewire itself to be able to accept whatever it 448 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,240 is, but I guarantee that's when my pants look. 449 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,120 Yeah, well, like with my mom making me cut grass and stuff 450 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:53,840 and little tedious stuff, I feel like it kind of makes it funny 451 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,560 in a game versus kind of like a torture. 452 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,440 No, it was more of a mental torture because it's not, well, 453 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,120 I mean, you would get physically hurt, get little tiny scissors, 454 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,280 but it's more of mental because, you know, you're never gonna 455 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,560 finish. Little pair of scissors cutting 456 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:08,840 the grass, you're never gonna finish. 457 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,280 And then she would make fun of you to the other parents. 458 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,240 So this is what she does for her to a kid. 459 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,960 So you're just like. And be proud of it. 460 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,720 She was proud. That's the thing that they're 461 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,960 proud of that action. And then he just messes with 462 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,000 your mind to go, well, if they're so proud of that, maybe 463 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,200 they're they're great if they can boast about it to other 464 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,080 people and other people are like, Oh yeah, you did this. 465 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,840 It almost makes you feel like, OK, maybe it was acceptable and 466 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,760 maybe maybe I did do something that I do need to forgive myself 467 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,680 for that. I need forgiveness for him 468 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:34,960 because. Yeah, I look back. 469 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,400 I would be grounded for some dumb stuff. 470 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,520 So I don't think that I was, I don't think it was right. 471 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,200 But the other parents would send their kids over and have their 472 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,520 kids get this treatment as well. Yeah, and like I said, and 473 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,280 that's just validating the the person who's wrong in this 474 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,440 situation. Yeah, same way. 475 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,840 I mean, I was, you know, whipped, spank, beat, whatever 476 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,680 you want to call it because I make bad grades. 477 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,600 But she never once tried to get me a tutor. 478 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,520 She never, she never put me on medication for my ADHD. 479 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,800 She never tried to give me any kind of counseling. 480 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,280 She never gave me any kind of outlet for it. 481 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,440 She never really studied with me. 482 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,240 So it's like, OK, you're gonna leave it all up to a 7-8 year 483 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,200 old to figure out you. Shouldn't be punished. 484 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:15,760 For it and you know it's not going to work. 485 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,960 I don't believe in punishment or unless you just latently like 486 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,400 not doing your work or something. 487 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,320 But to be struggling? No. 488 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,360 Yeah, but it's. Been a recent asked question. 489 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,800 But even if it's a thing about OK, they're not finishing the 490 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,240 work, OK, so I know for an hour after they get home from school, 491 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,680 an hour, an hour after I get home from work, we both, we need 492 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,000 to sit down at this table. I need to look and see what you 493 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,440 did that day. Look at your papers. 494 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,040 Make sure that you got it done because ADHD makes us have a 495 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,520 terrible memory. So it's not your. 496 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,440 Decrement in the bottom of your book bag that's. 497 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,680 How it was. There you go. 498 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,440 I'm. Homework. 499 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,600 Yeah, yeah. And you really legitimately 500 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,600 think you don't. Yeah. 501 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,640 But you know, then you, you know, at the end of the six 502 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,000 weeks, you know, or the 9 weeks now, you know, the teacher would 503 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,440 start right now, you know, names and all the things that and all 504 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,160 the assignments that were missing for all the students. 505 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,320 Oh my goodness. Mine would always have like 16 506 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,760 check marks of just all these assignments that I was missing 507 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,440 and yeah so. How did we get on that subject? 508 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,480 What's that? Because you 2 are both 509 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,360 vocalizing your childhood trauma with your fucking horrible 510 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,920 mother. Yeah, well, I think we we got 511 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,760 because we were talking about, you know, how it past actions 512 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,680 can lead to making you think that you were wrong, whereas it 513 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,000 was actually not saying you weren't a little bit wrong, but 514 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,280 I'm saying that that age you don't even have a fully 515 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,240 developed brain. Therefore how can you really 516 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,440 hold yourself accountable? I mean, it's the same reason 517 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,680 that the judicial system that, you know, the 12 year old does 518 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,200 something wrong. We don't just put him in jail 519 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,480 forgiving, you know, there's, I feel like. 520 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,840 OK, so we talk about forgiveness and I want to say that I forgive 521 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,200 her, but when we talk about it, I still get angry about it. 522 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,480 So I'm like, and then she'll, you know, deny it. 523 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,440 But then she's such a great grandma, so she just assumes 524 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:45,480 that that's how she's always been. 525 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,680 And so it makes it a little bit harder to get a little bit more 526 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,160 validation that, hey, this maybe did happen to me. 527 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,200 I'm sorry, fuck her and I really like her even now less the more 528 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,720 you talk about it. You were the most selfless, 529 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,200 forgiving, kind person I think I've ever met. 530 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,080 You are very happy there's not a mean bone in your body. 531 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,880 There's never a malicious thought. 532 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,760 You're always so kind and compassionate. 533 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:08,920 Don't make me cry. It's true. 534 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:13,600 You're so understanding, You're so understanding, You're so kind 535 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,280 and you're so good. And yet, God, you had a horrible 536 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,200 fucking mother who did something like that. 537 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,520 And I just, I hate her worse. I really do. 538 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,760 I think that's just horrible. And you know, you don't have to 539 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:23,760 forgive her. Fuck her. 540 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,880 And I don't care if she's a good grandparent now or not. 541 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,160 Fuck her. I mean, you know, she's a poor 542 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,560 grandma. She was a horrible fucking 543 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,320 mother. And she knows what she did. 544 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,720 She knows it. She knows. 545 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,800 She knows she doesn't even like talking about anymore. 546 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,040 She's divorced about it and tell her friends and now she does not 547 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,320 talk about it of. Course so just like she don't 548 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:42,760 brag about how she used to be a stripper. 549 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,600 Fuck her. I'm sorry, Fuck that bitch. 550 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,160 I'm sorry. You know, I just, I have such a 551 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:53,440 hard time ever thinking about being horrible to a child, let 552 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,400 alone an animal, you know, because I they're like puppies 553 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,080 and kids are like right there with me. 554 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,600 You know, I just, I can't, I cannot imagine. 555 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,560 I can't imagine. I was just talking to my 556 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,640 boyfriend the other day and we were talking about my childhood 557 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,920 dog, which you were just asking me about if I loved another 558 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,080 animal like that. My curtain dog, yes, my 559 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,960 childhood dog. I don't remember what that 560 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,240 animal did because he's he's a dog, an animal, but my stepdad 561 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,120 kicked him out the door and he rolled down the stairs and I 562 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,600 always well, you know, I still heard about the squirrel. 563 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,040 There's a lot of things where I just don't understand how people 564 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,680 should be able to keep animals if they treat him like that. 565 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,760 Now, he wasn't abusive like that with him all the time. 566 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,160 It was just that one incident that it was like that, but it 567 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,840 really stuck in my brain where I'm like, wow, I would never do 568 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:36,760 that to that poor baby. He. 569 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,000 Probably did other things when you weren't around that you 570 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,080 probably didn't see he. Probably didn't even know I was 571 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,160 on the porch. Because I mean anyone to have 572 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,600 done what he did with the squirrel. 573 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,800 In itself. Oh yeah, The squirrel, that one, 574 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,760 that was, yeah, that affected me very long term, yeah. 575 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,560 He's a horrible fucking human being, yeah, but him and your 576 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,880 mother deserve each other. So fucking. 577 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,240 I'm sorry. I hate both of them. 578 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,560 They're good. People now, I think. 579 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,200 I guess so forgive you. What you're saying though, there 580 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,760 are certain aspects of it and I think it's the same way with 581 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,880 with us as we had a certain development of our brain. 582 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,880 But time we get at this age, our brains have still continued to 583 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,280 develop and we learn lessons. Fortunately, they learn those 584 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:15,600 lessons. Later. 585 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,560 Later in life. Exactly and it just affected us 586 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,120 more. By the time that they have been 587 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:22,480 able to practice it with two or three kids and they get to those 588 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:26,400 grandkids, they somehow magically know how it works and 589 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,400 the magic formula algorithm. And then they get on you for 590 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,120 doing the same thing. Maybe that's exactly that, baby. 591 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,400 Yeah. But to bring it back, I guess 592 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,440 where I was going with it is that, yeah, there's going to be 593 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,320 stuff in your past that you're going to get depressed over, 594 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,800 that you're going to try to validate in your head. 595 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,440 You're going to think about it over and over again. 596 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:46,680 You're going to go, OK, well, this is it. 597 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:51,960 This is just, but use BDSM as a weapon to help you get over 598 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,800 those things versus an excuse for having to have a negative 599 00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,760 excuse to tell yourself, oh, I just need this and it makes me 600 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,880 less of a person. If you go from the mindset of 601 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,160 no, I'm doing this as therapy, it's going to help me in the 602 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,640 long run. I think you'll be a lot more 603 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,560 successful and you'll be able to eventually take back that power. 604 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,160 Yes. So Tony, you probably need a 605 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,080 really good therapist who's in the lifestyle who understands 606 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,240 things more, or you need to see see a really good fucking 607 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:25,520 dominatrix like the one here in Pensacola Live and me. 608 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,880 Or you just need to associate with, you know, people who are 609 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,720 in the lifestyle more. And sometimes that comes at a 610 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,520 cost of having to be vulnerable and be open and actually take a 611 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:37,920 chance that you're going to be rejected. 612 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,320 And for people like himself and people like me have, you know, 613 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,880 to identify with that. Like I was rejected so many 614 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,440 times throughout my life that like when it comes to situations 615 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,360 like this, you're like, I don't want to reach out these other 616 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,600 people and see if we have a commonality and that type of 617 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,240 thing. So I'm just gonna keep it all 618 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,560 bottled up. And then you analyze and 619 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,800 overanalyze yourself. And sometimes, you know, it's 620 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,000 still jump frog, you know, experiment. 621 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,800 Tony, you are good enough. Yeah, yeah. 622 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,000 And we can't wait to see you. I'm telling you, I'm gonna show 623 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,920 you a picture of him. He is so hot it's ridiculous. 624 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,160 Sorry, Tony, I keep focusing on that, but you're a hot 625 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:13,720 motherfucker. Jeez, you know, I just think a 626 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,040 lot of times when I've come across and it's usually like 627 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,720 submissive women in the lifestyle, a lot of the local 628 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,600 women that I see they, they've all done like self harm. 629 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,440 They have so much baggage. I mean, you can just see that 630 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,240 they have so much pain in their eyes and I just, I have a lot of 631 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,680 compassion for them. And and then I see, you know, 632 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,320 we're in the South and I see these guys who really can't be, 633 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,560 you know, weak. They can't be. 634 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,280 God, that's such a big one. It's true. 635 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,200 Yeah. Any, Yeah, them older people 636 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,760 will really push that on. On on the on the newer crowd. 637 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,160 They can't show vulnerability. And this is something 638 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,160 interesting too, when, you know, we've had this conversation 639 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:53,280 about my Sissy slave, OK, my my husband has grown. 640 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,040 I mean, we've been together for 13 years. 641 00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,800 And you know, when he came to 1st see me, you know, he's a 642 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,960 virgin, you know, and I've helped him in so many ways. 643 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,000 He told me the other day and he's like, you know, you've 644 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,320 helped me grow so much. I don't even think you realize 645 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,760 it. And it was only because I was 646 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,760 loving and supportive and I, I never judged him and I, I 647 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:16,680 always, I always looked at him and said, I'm not looking at 648 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:20,480 your faults, but I want you just to see yourself to be the best 649 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,960 version of yourself. Don't ever change for me, you 650 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,720 know, do things that you want to do for your own self and and I 651 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,480 will always tell him, you know, don't change. 652 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,960 Just stay who you are, be you are be be happy who you are. 653 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,440 But umm, I did that session where I told you I was seeing my 654 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,280 Sissy slave and I just adore him so much. 655 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:43,040 But I see pain in his eyes and I see the struggle that he has to 656 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,400 go through and I think about people like Tony and Justin and 657 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,400 people that have endured these things from fucking horrible 658 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,160 parents and that kind of thing. But I said to him as I'm, I've 659 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,000 had him shackled and handcuffed and everything and his anal hook 660 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,640 in his ass, you know, I gave him a hug and I told them I was 661 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,920 like, you know, you were perfect the way you are to me, the way 662 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,200 you are to yourself. You have to find happiness 663 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,400 within yourself. And you know, and I think that's 664 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,040 I think that's what is really important is finding happiness 665 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,080 and what makes yourself happy. So instead of blaming yourself, 666 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,440 Tony, for, you know, watching intox videos and doing poppers, 667 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,400 I mean, it's not like you're snorting cocaine off of a 668 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,480 hooker's ass and. Even if you weren't, and even if 669 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,360 you. Were you know, it's like there's 670 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,640 worse things I. Mean it's not Well, there is 671 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,480 worse things. Yeah, it's you. 672 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,520 Yeah. Be OK with you. 673 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,640 Yes, yes, if you like Snorton and don't let other people tell 674 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,240 you. I was going to say in 675 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,800 continuation of my thought, I was basically. 676 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,080 Like you know what? I mean, you want to. 677 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,560 Watch that crazy porn and people want to tell you that it's. 678 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,480 Wrong. In continuation of what I was 679 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:54,160 saying, both of you, you got caught up on the porn in the ass 680 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,280 and the cocaine in the ass and all that with the. 681 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,640 Clicker but. I'm just saying it's not as if 682 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,160 he's fucking a hooker with no condom and then taking it back 683 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:06,480 home to his wife. Yeah, this doesn't affect his 684 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:08,840 wife, right? You know, And if this part makes 685 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,640 him fucking happy, that's why we have people come to see us, 686 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,400 because they need this outlet. They need things like this 687 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,440 because other people aren't going to understand it. 688 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,920 And personally, we'd be doing, you know, Tony's wife a favor 689 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,400 who can't deal with this, who doesn't understand it like we 690 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,160 all can understand the situation. 691 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,640 So we could do a nice session. You don't need this forever. 692 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,520 No, you don't. This is not something you keep 693 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,000 around. You take it with you. 694 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,680 Absolutely. Absolutely. 695 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,080 You know what I mean? You get here, you're able to let 696 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,360 out all these things and then grow with it, and then 697 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,520 eventually you're like a little butterfly and we let you go. 698 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,880 And, you know, I was recently told by a submissive he's like, 699 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,480 you know, I want to be a Sissy because of my mother. 700 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,280 Don't die. It's because of how she treated 701 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:52,840 me. I said, yeah, it is. 702 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,640 You know, so it's like, does it really matter? 703 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:56,600 Doesn't Nope. It. 704 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,640 Doesn't matter at all. Doesn't matter if it makes you 705 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,240 happy and that's what you want to do, you'd be the best fucking 706 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,280 Sissy you want to be. That's it. 707 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,680 So yeah, gonna go back to your mother on that statement. 708 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,360 Your mother is jealous because you're fucking awesome mother 709 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:13,159 and she sucks. She's a good grandma. 710 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,400 She's you keep saying. Honestly, there was, there was 711 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,520 good things. It's not like my my whole 712 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,679 childhood was trash. She was, she was good at a lot 713 00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:22,440 of things. Yeah. 714 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,520 I don't think that she could. She needs something to take care 715 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,760 of. And she had to make me little in 716 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,880 order to take care of me because, like, making me feel a 717 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,880 little like I'm always on, like I have autism. 718 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,560 It's like, you know, I'm not on the spec. 719 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,880 But she didn't, she would just be like, oh, she, she can't do 720 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,000 this because of this. She oh, she's struggling with 721 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,760 this because of this. Like it was always a reason 722 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,360 versus hell. So I'm like, I always think 723 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,639 like, now I have an excuse. I had this little crutch I have 724 00:34:45,639 --> 00:34:47,800 to take with me and then I have to let it go be like, no, 725 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,520 nothing's wrong with me. I don't have an issue. 726 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,400 But yeah, I was really made to feel that way. 727 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,000 And once I told my sister that, like, I felt like the only way I 728 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,480 could get attention is if I was like that, That's the way I got 729 00:34:58,480 --> 00:34:59,480 the attention from. Yeah. 730 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,960 She would tell our friends about it. 731 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,200 Jesus Christ. Was she like but like the 732 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,520 smaller version of the Gypsy scenario? 733 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,800 No, it's if it is exceptionally small. 734 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,280 No, I do not think it had. I don't think it had anything. 735 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,200 Munch Housing. Yeah. 736 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:20,120 She attention though, she. Loved doing like projects with 737 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,840 me and having things like that. I really liked that about her. 738 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:23,960 She was really good at doing that. 739 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,840 And if I wanted something, if I desired something or if I had 740 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,760 like this, this thing that I liked, like I liked monkeys, she 741 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,920 would shower me with monkeys until I was sick of it. 742 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,400 So there were things that were good about her. 743 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,400 Again, so forgiving. I'm just saying I was speak only 744 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,120 I'll on her. She was a good person, you know, 745 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,160 because she wasn't very good at handling things because like how 746 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,360 her parents work, you know, like how they did it. 747 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,680 And then she was only going off of what she knew. 748 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,880 But you know and you know, everything follows through. 749 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:57,000 I get what you're saying. You know, that whole pizza can 750 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,520 be really great, but that one slice that has that Roach on it, 751 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,960 you know what I'm saying? Like it ruins the whole pizza. 752 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,640 Yeah, that fucking thing. Like, you know, they. 753 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,520 Just had pizza for lunch and that was now. 754 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,320 It's good helping, good helping. Who wants that last slice? 755 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,640 Sorry, this was a really like deep episode. 756 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:23,760 I need some laughter here. I ordered a pizza one time years 757 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,560 ago and I didn't eat it. It was kind of funny because I 758 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,120 just wasn't eating pizza at the time. 759 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:33,720 And of course it was my ex and he was eating it and I was like, 760 00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:36,480 he was a horrible person. Just a fucking horrible person. 761 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,240 He still wants to call and talk to me. 762 00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:41,440 I am telling you Tony, you're so much better than so much of the 763 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,720 scum that's in this world and he's one of the those people 764 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,640 that just won't die like a fucking cockroach. 765 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,680 But I was looking. I was looking at this box, a 766 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:54,240 fucking pizza, and I opened it up and I see a fucking dead 767 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:59,320 Roach skeleton baked into the fucking crust and I was like. 768 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,400 No, you didn't. I don't think that's what they 769 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,800 meant by stuffed crust. I thought, what are you about to 770 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,200 say, woman? Please tell me. 771 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,080 The. 2nd to him, yeah. You. 772 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,520 Let him eat it. I wasn't going to touch it. 773 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,480 Fuck him. This is a man that was so 774 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,000 fucking horrible. He threw my shit out in the 775 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,880 front yard. I can't tell you how many times 776 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,520 if I was I was working a double shift mind you, and I would have 777 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,520 to drive a power to and from. Some people scrub their toilets 778 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,560 with a toothbrush and give it back to him, so I mean. 779 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,640 He attempted to do that to me as well. 780 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:35,440 I'm just saying like he would. Pillow, I mean, he was, he was 781 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,680 next level crazy sociopath. I I can't stand him. 782 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,280 It's so crazy, so fucking crazy. And he and he texts me and tried 783 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,760 to call me. It was like 3-4 months ago. 784 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,800 Hey, can't we talk every day now? 785 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:51,800 Motherfucker, I divorced you. I don't want you in my life. 786 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,880 I didn't want to talk to you every day when we were married. 787 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,600 Well, it makes you think I want to talk to you every day now. 788 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,800 Exactly, you're like COVID times a. 1000 I don't. 789 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,160 Want that? No, he's a butt rash. 790 00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:04,640 Look, you can heal a butt rash. Still keeps coming back if it's 791 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,040 a fungus. That's right, he's like an 792 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,520 eternal itchy owl soul. Or a wart because they keep 793 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,160 coming back too. I got a wart on my finger 794 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,680 that's. Just a crazy sociopath that 795 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,680 there's no fixing him. You know your Rd. story. 796 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,560 Reminded me, and I think I've told you this story, I've 797 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,360 probably told the podcast, the story, but now that it's 798 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,520 following your story, it sounds a little bad, but it's always 799 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,960 been bad. But I'm ready. 800 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:32,360 For this let's. Hear it So me and my sister used 801 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,120 to share a room OK And I was sleeping in her bed for some 802 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,240 reason and me and her were sleeping right next to each 803 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:41,080 other. And I wake up we're all sweaty 804 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,720 don't know why it's hot in the room. 805 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,400 I turn over I look at her she has a big old Palmetto bug 806 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,560 sitting on her face. OK. 807 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:54,640 I lean over to her and I say hey hey I'm going to go ahead and go 808 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,640 back to my bed. I left her there. 809 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,080 With her face. And once I told her that when I 810 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:03,400 was an adult, she. Literally. 811 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,560 Brings it up every time she has a boyfriend and she says this is 812 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,120 the sister that left the Roach on my face. 813 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:15,480 Oh so you traumatized her for her whole life now? 814 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,400 Well, it traumatized me. What am I going to do with it? 815 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,800 One time I smacked her in the face because a mosquito and I 816 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,240 killed it and she still punched me. 817 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,920 What am I supposed to do? Fuck her. 818 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,120 What that Roach fighter? Who knows? 819 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,440 Roaches don't bite. Well, they're disgusting. 820 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:30,840 They are. They're a little bacteria. 821 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:31,920 Yeah, they're. Disgusting. 822 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,760 Lay eggs in your ears. I just don't like when you step 823 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:35,560 on them. They crunch. 824 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,360 Oh, gross. Nice. 825 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:38,440 Why didn't? You hear? 826 00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:43,360 That what the fuck do you? Do it with shoes or or with your 827 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,880 barefoot with shoes. I'm just saying step. 828 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,120 It on no Roach in my bare feet. I don't know what type of nasty 829 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:52,400 you know. My husband does. 830 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,480 I swear he's fucking Buddhist. He takes and gets the Roach, 831 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,520 picks him up and goes and takes him outside. 832 00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:00,680 With his toes. His toes with paper. 833 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,280 I'm gonna say I do that too. It's just it's off. 834 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,040 I had to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe when it's 835 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,360 outside. No, no, I don't need to do it, I 836 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,240 will. Just if there was a Roach I 837 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:13,840 would get my son to come get it. Now I have a boyfriend and we'll 838 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,080 probably both be running from the Roach, but look, I might get 839 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:19,040 anywhere. We're just not going in that 840 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,320 room for a while. Oh. 841 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,160 My God no. I want to see it dead. 842 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,640 I'm the same way with spiders so it's OK I get. 843 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,840 It Yeah. OK, so back on point on this. 844 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:28,960 Where are we? I don't know. 845 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:30,760 OK, Tony. You're great. 846 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,680 I had enough of a poet live. Never. 847 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,760 We love you. Forever. 848 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,000 Yes, Tony, we're all your we're your friends, and we are 849 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,680 certainly here to listen to anything you want to tell us 850 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,600 without judgment. Yeah, we will not judge you for 851 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,400 anything because we've all done some really freaky shit and some 852 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,480 of us have gotten paid to do some really freaky shit. 853 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:54,720 So it's true. Hey, whatever. 854 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,800 Freaky shit shit, there you go. And I'm very interested in where 855 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,240 he how this develops. Like said, he started on the, 856 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,320 the path of self self realization, self examination. 857 00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:04,960 And I'd, I'd like to know, you know? 858 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,640 Is he planning to come well? You know, he lives upstate. 859 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,880 He lives up on the East Coast, so he's not going to come down 860 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:13,560 to Florida. But, you know, if you ever 861 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,440 vacations here, I tell him when I go back up to Connecticut, 862 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,400 I'll certainly go and visit him. You know, we'll meet up. 863 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,440 So yeah. What air paths will cross? 864 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,680 There's nothing but the best for him and you know, keep, keep 865 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:24,840 going because you're on the right path. 866 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,600 Yeah, I told him oh, so long ago that we'd meet at a coffee shop 867 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,200 and then I would take his coffee cup and I would go and urinate 868 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:31,280 it. Excuse me? 869 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,800 I would take it into the bathroom and urinate in it and 870 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,960 then bring it back to the table and make him drink it for 871 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,600 humiliation, degradation. I think that got him hot. 872 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,360 You need to put it in a see through cup. 873 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,840 Everybody's gonna think apple juice. 874 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:43,480 Oh. Yeah. 875 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,080 See through cup, make him drink it in front of people. 876 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:46,720 Oh. Fuck. 877 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:47,480 Yeah. And he would. 878 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:48,560 Yeah. Yeah. 879 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,320 Nice and warm and not cold like regular apple juice. 880 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:52,560 Oh yeah. Do. 881 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,960 You think it's worse if it did, if it was warm or if you had put 882 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,440 like ice in it, it made it cold I. 883 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,680 Feel like if it had ice in it, it wouldn't taste that bad 884 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,080 because first of all it's watering it down. 885 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:07,080 Back to Tony. Sorry. 886 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,480 Yes, the outer I said it I. Tasted urine, but I will say 887 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,640 that mine is very clear so he'd be lucky to get mine and not 888 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,960 someone else's because there's a lot of stinky urine out there. 889 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,800 Sometimes at the end of the day, mine's stinky. 890 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,120 And I said it, Liz does not want to drink water all the time, so 891 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,520 we have to. Drink water on my boyfriend's 892 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,200 foot. It's the goal I have every time 893 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,680 I get out in the shower and. It kills his athletes feet like. 894 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,240 Yeah, that's why I do it. I do it for him and choose it, 895 00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,360 you know, I'll be like, like, you gotta roll your eyes a 896 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,200 little bit just to try to get it out, you know, like that. 897 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,360 And then you pee and yeah. That's sexy. 898 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:43,920 Nice. That's true love right there. 899 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,960 Wow. OK, well, let's go rub one out 900 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,920 after that conversation. All right, Tony, we love you. 901 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,080 You're great. Until then, it's been the latest 902 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,240 episode of. Call me Mistress.