Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got my 2 little
partners here with me. I've got the Barbie.
Hi and I've got Liv. Hi.
No British accent today. Good morning.
Barbie, can you do the British accent good?
Morning, good. Morning.
I'm supposed to. You sound like hands on Gretel.
No. No, no, Pinocchio or something.
Who is that? No, the gingerbread.
Man, you sound like the gingerbread.
Oliver Twist, That's what I was thinking.
Oliver's Yeah, I was thinking, Oliver, please.
I don't not. My cum drop buttons.
Have. You seen that for sure.
I don't know what we're talking about.
All right, we're just going to go with Moe and Curly today are
the 2 Stooges. All right, bitches.
So let's get into the nitty gritty.
We're going to talk about some people today.
I like people. I.
Was going to say I. Don't.
Great. Let's talk about some of our
favorites or some of our worst experiences in the dungeon.
Let's do worst that's more fun. We've already talked about our
worst on here. You know what?
Not everybody remembers all of your words, you know, Because.
The worst for me is that this, this the shitter that took seven
years off my life. That's.
Oh God, that's. Almost so bad that like, we'll
take half the podcast to explain what happened.
That's so bad. About that one recently.
So bad. Yeah.
Yeah, that was. Truly horrific.
And the fact that my best friend was there, I was like, Oh my
God, the first time I bring her to the dungeon and it's that I
was like, you know what? Not bringing my friends around
what I. Was going to say, why did you
want to torture your boyfriend? Mia, I did not know that was
going to happen. I didn't know it either, but you
always expect the worst. I didn't.
I was like this will be cute and fun.
It was. Not fun.
This girl's trauma bonding. It was not cute and fun.
It was horrific. It was.
It wasn't terrible. It was it was awful.
And he had so many rings in there.
They just kept oozing out. OK, so this goes back to men who
don't do enemas, but see, I really think he wanted to shit
on you. He.
Didn't know he was purposely shitting, I swear to God.
I really think. Because I I've pegged my fair
share of men and you know, a little poop happens, but like,
shitting on the floor doesn't happen unless you try.
Yeah, no, Bree and I saw someone and we always called him the
painter because he always came in white painter clothes.
But in actuality, he would always paint the shit out of the
dungeon because, yeah, painting hasn't painted the shit.
It's an old expression. However, he would go and come
in, he would lay down, he would stroke his Dick when Bree would
fuck him in the ass. And the last time he was here,
she put this ginormous, you know, 12 inch Dick in his ass
and just started pounding the fuck out of him.
And it was not projectile. It was one solid.
Log Oh my God. And it came out.
Like and. Bree was about to throw the
fuck. Oh my gosh, it was.
An extra 6 inches on that Dick. But as he came is when his
ejaculated shit projected from his asshole at the same time.
It was like, yeah. It was a lot.
I, I actually, we were talking about this person before the
podcast started. We were talking about I took
from somebody else, the one you saw a few times.
I was seeing him and I was pegging him and he like really
wanted to use a strap on. I just couldn't find 1.
So I was like, I got to do it manually.
I got to do it and I had him on the Gurney and I was.
Picking him and. When we were done he stood up
and there was just like brown spots around on his butt and up
his back. I was like, now what in the
hell? Is that and.
He's getting dressed and I'm staring and I'm like, does he
have like moles? He needs to get checked out.
He had shit and it had gone up his back and he put on his
clothes. It's too late for me to say
anything. He was gone.
The clothes are on. And so he left and I looked at
the Gurney and I was like, I'm going to bleach the fuck out of
this. Thing 90s like if.
You're going to take something in your ass, Skip a meal, enema
douche. I don't know, take a shit before
you come get fucked. It's really easy not to shit on
the. Table.
It's so easy not to shit on the table.
Almost every Horror Story is going to have to do with someone
shitting on the table. Yes, without.
Like without permission. Yeah, totally.
Now, Liv, what do you think your worst experience has been thus
far? She peed on my hand.
I haven't cut for a few moments. All right, so Liv, tell us one
of your worst experiences thus far in the dungeon.
It's still going to be that guy with the piercing blue eyes.
Tell us. That he would just be like stare
at me deeply in the eyes and breathe heavy.
I do that. I have piercing blue eyes.
Yeah, but it was crazy. It was.
Like kind of traumatic. I hated it.
And he came in twice and I was like, no.
And she didn't tell me it was me, the same guy.
So when I walked in, I was like, oh.
Did Mia ever tell you about my very first like session in the
dungeon? It was a a man that she hadn't
seen before. And he came in, he had a
ponytail and an eye patch and he came in and he definitely was
hoping we were hookers. Like Mia was talking to him and
he like come. And I was like, so like, it's my
first time in the dungeon so I'm like nervous.
So I'm like sitting on one side of him and Mia is like sitting
kind of facing him. And he was like, so is this like
a happy ending? And he looked at me and Mia
went, no, I think he was like, oh, I see, Wink, wink.
And I was like, no, dude, we don't do that.
It's an. Unhappy ending, yeah.
And then he was like, we're like, So what are you into?
And he kept so he was like, I'm into sissification.
And we were like, cool. And we went to like go get some
pantyhose or a skirt. And he was like, what are you
doing? And we're like, you said you're
into sissification. He's like, no, just verbally.
And I was like, oh, so you don't know what that means?
And then like, so we he basically just wants to be like
called a woman. It was weird.
And so he was so weird, they. Were like, you want to suck that
Dick? He's like, yeah, but like not as
a guy. And we were like, huh?
He's like, I'm not gay. And I was like, what?
And he's like, I just really like sucking Dick.
You have a Dick I can suck. And we're like, yeah, let us
pull down our head without our hard 8 inch cock for you.
So we ended up just like making him like suck on a dildo while
he jerks off and then he goes, can I watch porn?
We were like, yeah, sure. And then so Mia was like, what
do you want to watch? He knew the title of this like
porno by name. It was like bang, blow, like
group something. Yeah, blow, bang something.
And it was like the very specific handle of like the porn
video. Yeah, let Let's describe the
blow. Bang.
Tell us. It was, it was like a bukaki,
kind of. It was like a girl in the middle
sucking a bunch of Dicks. And I was like, I bet you wish
you were that girl, Han. He was like, yeah, I don't like
not. Gay, not gay.
He was like. He was like, I want to suck a
Dick, but as a woman sucking a man's Dick.
But I'm not a woman, I'm a man. And I was like, that's between
you and whoever you pray to. And you're I was.
Going to say you and your fucking mind.
In his mind he wanted to be a hot 25 year old chick sucking
Dick. Also he was really bad at
sucking Dick. Oh God, he was.
So I could. Feel the teeth through the
dildo. Damn.
I was like God, it was like sticking a dildo down a blender.
I was like I was trying to dodge the teeth, go back to the dildo.
I did. I was expecting to pull it out
chunks. And then he came like a little
burst of like dust. It wasn't even Tom and he was
no, and I'm making fun of him because he was an asshole to me
and Mia. He was really fucking rude and
he's never been back. Yeah, that, that was an
interesting afternoon. It was so bad that Mia turned to
me and went, I promise. Yeah.
I mean, it was like, I'm going to scare this girl.
Because you know, what people don't see from my point of view
is when people reach out to me via e-mail or via text, you
know, they'll describe some type of, of session that they would
actually want. And it would consist of, hey,
you know, I'm into sissification.
This is what the guy told me. So, you know, sissification
again, is where a man wants to dress up as a woman.
Now, there's also forced feminization, same thing, but
we're doing it forcefully. Like, we know you want to dress
up like a Sissy whore. We know you want to put on
panties. Don't be such a fag.
You know, it's that kind of shit.
But this guy, you know, they give you this illusion of what
they really want. In actuality, they come in and
they're not what they want. You know, they think it's
something else. Yeah, go ahead.
And buy a hand job or something like that.
But they want someone to jerk them.
Off. Yeah, no, we're not doing that.
No, we're too mean. Not nice enough you.
Can jerk them off with my sandpaper and lemon juice.
Yeah, I did jerk a guy off with. I took a goth spike choker
inwards around a Dick and he was like, Mistress, can I fuck it?
And I was like, yeah, and he did it.
So he did it. Himself.
I seen that guy. You saw that guy?
Yeah, that's my guy. Yeah, I said that I like was
that guy that she's talking about?
Yes, I see him again. But the best part when Barbie
did it? Oh.
I would not. I would.
Are you sure it's the? Same guy.
The guy that you got put the needle in his Dick, Yeah.
That guy? Yeah, she has.
She has a weird view on what kind of men she likes.
OK. You both have really weird views
about what kind of men you like. Yeah, I'm telling you, I do.
Not have weird views. You kind of do.
I feel like I have had sex with very attractive men in my.
Life. The last one I saw, yeah, that
motherfucker was. Yeah, that.
Yeah. Yeah, he should.
He should be in film, yeah. Maybe, yeah, he's like a Top Gun
type of guy. I.
Think if we sweet talk him enough he would.
I think we could convince him to come film.
Something. Oh yeah, I'm sure.
He's, you know, make sure he's. You know, like Ken Barbie in a
few days. Oh, yeah, Barbie and Ken, we, we
actually went to a different sex party together once.
And when he he had like paid my way in and I pulled up and they
were like, oh, you look like an actual Barbie.
And I was like, yeah, I do. And I got kids inside for you.
He doesn't go by kid, but he looks like a kid because we're
both blonde and we look stupid when we're out together.
I'm not going to lie. No, I don't.
No, you don't. Gosh.
He was a normal emasculated kid though.
He was in a spider man outfit so I don't know.
It was a Halloween party so shit.
Did you see the ABS of steel and his hot fucking man piece right
there? I was seeing something in the
spandex suit. Let's just say he does not know
what a dance belt is. Me.
Either. Tell him Barbie.
Oh, a dance belt? Like what?
Like the male ballet dancers wear under their tights so their
decades swinging? Yeah, it's like a jock strap.
I'd rather that they'd be flopping.
You saw his. Like a jock strap is a dance
belt. It's a little bit live.
His band mate was there. For you, yeah, Liv says she want
to see a floppin. And that's the fellow that
wouldn't fit in the penis tube, right?
The penis. Pump He didn't fit in any of the
cages either. Christ.
Yeah, when? Your Dick don't fit in a fucking
penis pump. Yeah, you got a big fucking
Jack. Don't eat a pump.
You don't. You don't eat the pump.
You don't? Chill out brother.
You're going over his right shoulder.
Exactly. Your Dick and go, you said.
Those things don't come in white, so good for you.
Oh God, I'm still, I'm telling you what, the biggest Dick I've
ever seen was this guy and he was fucking disgusting.
And it was when I met him when I was single and he fucking.
Pulled that shit out. From his jeans with two.
Ham like an omen. It was.
Crazy, how long was?
It. Oh.
Probably 16 inches. It was fucking ginormous.
It was. Supposed to show me that 14.
Oh, I'm going to show it. No, no, no.
It was 27. No, 26 inch Dick.
Yeah, I'm going to show it to you.
Yeah, I was on a date with a guy and he like unrolled a 26 inch.
I would like freak out. I'd be.
Like, oh, it was beautiful. God, Glock it.
It was beautiful. Thank you.
I clock. Out my vaginas off limits when
they're that big. Hey, you pump your stomach with
it. I don't want to put my stomach
with nothing. I mean you could take like 7
like at least some of it like. Liv, that's who we're going to
see if he wants to come in. The 26 inch.
Yes, I'm going to have him meet you when you're single now.
Wait, you know the 26 inch? I would fuck him.
I sucked his Dick. It was great.
Do what? Wait, you know the 26 inch Dick
guys when he comes in call me please.
Please, I have to see this monstrosity.
I'm going to show you a picture. Let me get him a video.
Whenever it happens for. Me.
Oh fuck yeah, I want to video that shit.
Kind of. Car I chop it.
No, don't let me do that. No, it's beautiful.
You don't do that. What is wrong with you?
I don't. Know I like CDT.
I like CBT. Too.
I love CBT. So back to we were talking about
the one that you both saw. The final part of the story was
he was bleeding and you were telling the story and you're
like, yeah, he was bleeding, but it was none of my business.
But it wasn't. When he came in to see me, he
was like, yeah, I didn't want that intense, you know, I wanted
to come in for a little bit more sensual.
That's why I came to see you, because he was like, it was
after you. He's like, I don't think I could
do it again. What's crazy is that he told me
he wanted it and I started. Very sure at the time I'm saying
when he wanted to come back, he didn't want it the same way.
Which is crazy because like, I am known for being a centralist.
And so when he came in, he's like, I want it really soft.
And I was like, OK, and I started soft.
And it just like talking it up. Yeah, like, yeah, you just kept
getting into it. So I kept going.
And then afterwards he was like, yeah, that wasn't very intense,
was it? I think he's he was trying to
downplay it because with me he was like with that like middle
of the road. Or is that like pretty intense?
I was like, dude, you know, that was intense.
Like no he. Knew because we came in.
He was like, I didn't want to come in for something intense
like that again, not saying that he didn't like what you did.
I was saying like he didn't want to come back in for.
It he visited prior. That he came in twice and man.
I mean, before at all, he might have gone somewhere else and got
something like, you know. The.
Penis or spikes in the ass. You have no idea what people.
Are he wasn't like bleeding profusely but I think one of the
spikes cut him a little. Bit there's the Dick right
there. That doesn't look like 26
inches. It's 26 inches.
That's not. It's not.
That's classic. Yes, that's not hard exactly
you. Could jump rope with that
talking. Thing what even?
Happened. That has to be a condition pass
pass out when he gets a boner. Yeah, that's why he actually had
a reduction. So all these guys are
wheelchairs? Wait, the 26 inch is a reduced
size? It was, yeah.
He come along, but now. I would have to ask if I haven't
seen him in a long. Time.
If it's doable, I'll do it. Fuck yeah, it's doable.
And what's adorable? My body, my heart is 26 inches
from my vagina. I don't.
Want it's adorable poop my heart.
Look, look. How adorable.
He is OK. He's cute, he's.
Cute. He's like a little baby cute.
Yeah, he's baby cute. He's adorable.
Wiener. With a fucking Wiener.
Yes, all the difference. I'd fuck that little baby.
Yeah, I'll pull him up on Facebook and you show a recent
picture of. Him.
He's adorable. He's a full body pig.
Zoom in on the crotch will tell. Oh.
My God, I want to zoom in on the belly.
Because he's going to have a print no matter what he wears.
That's what I'm saying. Like, is he like taping it to
his leg and just hoping that they don't notice?
If I had that, I would not tape it.
I would walk around wearing white pants and he's like.
He probably would be tired of it.
It probably scares a lot of girls.
Never mind. Fuck yeah, they're the ones that
weren't. No.
What? You.
He's adorable. No.
Because. He looks like a.
Hobo in a suit. He's.
Not a hobo in a suit. He's adorable.
God, you're so mean. I'm sorry.
My. Gosh, no problem, he might
listen to this. I'm not saying shit.
Look, he looks cleaned up there. He looks good.
He's got a nice clean beard. You.
Forget what you were married to. OK, I'm not married to him no
more. Look, we all make a mistake.
He's. Four people.
He cleans up this one. Yeah. 3 1/2 I love it.
Yeah, there's. People in this room, we have 4
this week. Don't make a there's.
A lot of. People I.
Feel attacked? Got a little y'all, can't see it
but we got a foot rub station going on in here.
I forgot we were recording. This is go round and round and
round. Here we go.
This this podcast is definitely more conversational than our
usual ones. And this is where we need a.
Piece. Whose penis cast is at I?
Guess is Barbies. No, it was.
It was a gentleman that it was a gentleman that came to the party
several years ago and his mother was here at the same party.
Oh, yeah. And I had to say, hey, your mom
is here. And he's like, I know she's
inside. I'll stay outside.
Did they both know each other was?
There no. I had to fucking leave.
I'd leave. I would run a Actually if my mom
showed up here, I'd think she was stuck.
Oh lawyer you stayed low on. You're right.
Make my mom leave. I was gonna say this one here is
always telling me, you know, I wish my mom would like follow me
here one day so I can like lure her into the dungeon so you can
beat the shit out of. That kind of thing, that's not
media, no. We're talking about getting
jumped. We're talking about a holiday.
No, I'm not talking about shit. Yeah, I fell down at the party
and I still have a knot on my leg from.
That party was so fun. Well, you brought your entourage
with you and they were fun people, but they, I don't know,
it's just to me, it just was there was a vibe that I just.
I wasn't getting a house party vibe.
Like it wasn't giving like how it's like gay before.
Like usually like you come in and you're like sex party kinky.
Like there's cool stuff like this one.
There's cool stuff happening, but it wasn't as like fantasy as
it used like as it as it has been before.
Yeah, this one was like really like social.
It's just this podcast just mean you defending ourselves from
them. They sat us down.
They've done nothing but berate us.
And you all lured Charles in, so it's more or less.
Synergy is really nice for the room.
I I agree. I agree.
He's a ray of sunshine. Yeah.
Yeah, I got you. I literally.
He's like a lamp with some good aura, Yeah.
It's shining off your head. He.
Shining off your head. Alright, right now.
So go back to this. So what has been your best
experiences in the tangent? I like to speak.
Jesus. Where I got to stick the needle
in his Dick and he said Mistress can I fuck it?
OK. So that was your favorite him
again? OK.
It's gonna be me and you're not really sorry.
I'm really bad with me and Liv are going to be fighting over
that guy. Oh yeah, a puppy Yeah, I'm
fighting for. It he's not, he wasn't a puppy
when I saw him. No, he was a puppy for her.
Yeah, he was a puppy. He's done like one or two
sessions. And he was like a power
struggle. It was nice.
Oh. I know.
It was the same guy because he talked about you the whole time.
Yeah. Because he told me he loved me.
He loved me. Too.
My gosh. Because he was like, did you
ever fuck a guy? Look at me.
And I said no. Oh my Lord.
TuneIn next time to mistress me as podcast.
Exactly. Next time we'll have a topic.
I don't know, We'll sing and we'll give it a whirl.
Anywho, all right, so this has been the latest episode of.
Call me Mistress. Barbie.
Call me Mistress. There we go.
You say it better.