1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:06,440 Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host, Blogger, podcaster, 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,280 and speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,920 relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual 4 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,640 non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love. 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,440 This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know 6 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:24,240 about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado, 7 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,160 let's welcome your host, Crystal Welch, and dive head first into 8 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:34,120 this episode. Good morning, Crystal Welch 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,520 here. I'm so happy to be bringing you 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,440 an exciting new episode. Today I'm interviewing Miss 11 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,000 Nookie Notes. Which don't you love that name 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,960 Nookie most people call her. Nookie grew up in the lifestyle 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,880 and around people of every color and bent. 14 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,480 Her primary fetishes are communication and behavior 15 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,800 modification. She's a lifestyle dominant who 16 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:01,280 runs her relationships and she is a very hedonistic in the 17 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,360 bedroom. We love that she's the owner. 18 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,080 She is the owner and developer of a new kinky education and 19 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,800 dating site called Dating kinky.com. 20 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,400 Please go check that out. She is an educator. 21 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:22,080 So many of our my followers have questions and you are a great 22 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,720 resource for them. So I thank you so much for being 23 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:31,520 here today. All right, let us launch here. 24 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,440 I have a million questions. So I'm going to try and get as 25 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,560 many of these in as I can. So tell me this, I was 26 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,720 intrigued. Your description about growing 27 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,480 up in the lifestyle, Tell us a little bit more about that. 28 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:49,280 So I my parents were Swingsters, swanky folk, I guess. 29 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:56,200 So I grew up in a home where a lot of the people who came to 30 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:03,680 visit were, you know, trans folk or gay or leather or polyamorous 31 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,120 or in power exchange relationships. 32 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,479 And I was never, like, indoctrinated. 33 00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:12,800 They never, like, sat me down and told me about the kinky 34 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:18,240 birds and the bees or whatever. But when I finally stepped into 35 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,880 a fetish club at 19, and I thought to myself, holy hell, 36 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:26,480 these are my people, it began to dawn upon me. 37 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:32,480 Wait a minute here. Now I know what was going on. 38 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,400 Now I get it. You know, that is incredibly 39 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,640 fascinating. I've never met another person 40 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,520 who grew up in that. And that is a question that 41 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,840 comes up from so many people like people that might have 42 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,840 children that want to engage in this lifestyle. 43 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:52,680 Like what did your parents tell you to sort of shield you from 44 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:58,840 all the graphic detail but also let you know that it was, you 45 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,320 know, it's it's how they're going to run their friendships 46 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:06,320 and their adult lives and tell us from a kid point of view how 47 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,520 all of that played and what did they say? 48 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,080 So it's interesting because, you know, I keep thinking back and I 49 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,800 guess they just said that, you know, people love each other in 50 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,440 lots of different ways. And, you know, my parents were, 51 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,840 they were more swanky or open than polyamorous. 52 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:30,720 So there wasn't a ton of, like, there weren't sleepovers from 53 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,240 other people and stuff like that so much when I was around. 54 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,200 And I also didn't have the Internet. 55 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:43,080 So I wasn't like, maybe as savvy as a lot of kids are today. 56 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,400 One of my girlfriends does have two sons. 57 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,720 One of them is 18. I think the other one is 24 58 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,200 right now. And I have been privileged to 59 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,440 sort of be a part of their lives for several years. 60 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,760 And she would use the writings that I have written over the 61 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:07,880 years that were age appropriate for her teenage son and read 62 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,560 them to him and talk to him about, you know, different types 63 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:16,480 of lifestyles or sexualities or whatever based on what she 64 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,440 thought might be important to him as he was at whatever stage 65 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,680 in his life. The older son actually came out 66 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,400 to the venue that we ran together when we ran a kinky 67 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:32,440 venue and he started his journey there and she knew that he was 68 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,880 meeting people that were, you know, good players and able to, 69 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,640 you know, set him right on the journey. 70 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,880 So I think it's really just a matter of you know, where are 71 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,160 you and how are you going to raise your kids. 72 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,800 I was just raised to be open minded and to believe that 73 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:53,880 everybody has a right to love and happiness and I think that 74 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:59,840 just paved the way for anything. Wow, that's incredibly 75 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,280 inspiring. And I wish we could clone you 76 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:07,080 and your parents across the US right now because we badly, 77 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,720 badly need some more of that. I'm going to be calling on you 78 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,800 too, so I encourage everyone to go to Nookie's site, Dating 79 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,920 Kinky. There may be resources for you. 80 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,760 I know I've gotten a lot of questions of people about how to 81 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,720 talk to their kids. In fact we I'm a cuckoldress. 82 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:28,000 My husband has is currently fighting for custody of a trans 83 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:35,520 girl and to get her out of Texas and so so we are looking for 84 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,360 those kinds of resources ourselves. 85 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,000 So I'm gonna probably be tapping you on the shoulder, Nikki 86 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,320 'cause you are definitely Nikki with the. 87 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:46,360 Parents I know because there's there's some amazing people out 88 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,320 there. Yeah, yeah. 89 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,480 And it's. Yeah. 90 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,560 So anyway that's a side note, but that's a great resource for 91 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,600 all of you who are listening because these are real things 92 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,800 and that's exactly what we have planned to do because we're 93 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,000 going to continue our lifestyle. But we are more polling too. 94 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,880 So we will have you know and we have talked about doing it much 95 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,560 like you just described. We are. 96 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,200 We've engaged in this lifestyle for a very long time. 97 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,000 We never discussed it with him. He was born boy, but identifying 98 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,240 as girl because, you know, a my husband didn't have custody and 99 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,400 his mother's a very radical fundamentalist Christian who, 100 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,280 you know, her head explodes at the mere mention of anything 101 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:32,080 that's not celibate, you know, which is not us so. 102 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,680 Yeah. So, yeah, So, so anyway, that's 103 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,000 really, really helpful. And I'm. 104 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,640 I'm excited. I'm excited about that and 105 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,480 really happy that I know that about you too, 'cause I can, I'm 106 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,640 going to be sending you other people who need your particular 107 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:50,680 kind of expertise, I think. So let's talk about dating 108 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,360 Kinky. Now, you created that website. 109 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,120 What were your goals and objectives? 110 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,560 I mean, what were you trying to accomplish when you started it? 111 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,440 And how is that going? And how are how who are your 112 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,520 followers now? Who Who's shaping up to really 113 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,880 be following your your education and your? 114 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,840 Program. So I originally starting started 115 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,080 dating Kinky because the sites that we have available to us and 116 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,760 the apps that we have available to us as Kinky folk. 117 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,360 Tended. Towards being kind of sleazy and 118 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,080 that life isn't a dating app, right? 119 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,000 It's a community. It's a it's a Facebook for kinky 120 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,960 people. So I was trying to put together 121 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,880 a dating site where pink kinky people could connect with each 122 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:43,360 other and that was set up specifically to connect kinky 123 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,880 people and part of that. I've always been a fan of 124 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:53,880 education, and I believe that connecting people is one step of 125 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,040 the process. And then giving them the 126 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:01,120 education to make the most of those connections is the other 127 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,960 step. And so we have a very full 128 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:12,200 education calendar and library. We have over 400 videos now, 129 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:17,200 replays videos and audios, 400 videos and over 400 audios. 130 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:21,640 So they we have replays in both video and audio format on a lot 131 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,640 of different topics. And so I find that the people 132 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:31,080 who come to dating Kinky are people who are either looking 133 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:36,360 for education and then they sort of find their way into dating if 134 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,679 they don't already have partners. 135 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:42,200 Or they're people who are coming to find those partners and 136 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,480 somehow they stumble into the education and have the 137 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:50,920 opportunity to grow and become more of who they are. 138 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,920 That is excellent and and I'm very much aligned with that too. 139 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,960 I'm I'm on a passionate mission. I believe in sexually empowered 140 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,680 women, but I'm also looking to depornify cuckoldry. 141 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,280 I'm so. Tired of. 142 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:10,400 Just just the sex aspect being talked about when there's so, 143 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,560 so, so much more to it. There's such richness there and 144 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,880 so much to be excavated. So I'm really thrilled that you 145 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,600 are, you know, the foundation of your program. 146 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,880 It sounds like it's education, and I'm thrilled about that 147 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,840 because it just can't be enough of it. 148 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,800 And given your background, you have a tremendous amount to 149 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,240 offer. In my opinion, so. 150 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,440 I'm not hoping on the on the cuckolding. 151 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:40,760 I when I first stepped into it, you know, it was the era of 152 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:45,440 Tumblr cuckolding and all the memes and everything. 153 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,120 And when I looked at it, I'm like, I don't think this is 154 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,480 going to work. But, you know, I I kept looking 155 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,480 and I kept learning and I found what I call, you know, the 156 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:01,280 nookie in the cuckolding. And there's just so much more to 157 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,480 it. There's so much more to it, and 158 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,840 I'm always going to be supportive of other, especially 159 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:12,400 other women who who get it because I think it's the the 160 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:16,600 charge is up to us to demystify all of this stuff and to 161 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:21,000 normalize it and to try and remove the best that we can. 162 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:25,760 Remove some of the shame and the slut shaming and the shame in 163 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,680 general out of it so that people can see what's actually here and 164 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:34,080 what they might be able to take away for themselves and develop 165 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,000 their own, their own lives with. So that's cool. 166 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,400 Now I'm going to ask you another question. 167 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,920 I understand that you and Miss Scarlett have started a bull 168 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,400 friend life, which I was fascinated to see. 169 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,760 She's another great, a great voice in the lifestyle. 170 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,960 And tell me, tell us what boyfriend life is about. 171 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,160 How did you, what's the idea behind it? 172 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,800 What are you guys trying to accomplish and where do you see 173 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,760 that thing going? Well, I mean, first of all, I 174 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:05,560 absolutely adore Scarlett. So I wanted to do something with 175 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,760 her and with that amazing energy that she has. 176 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,720 So there's that. And the other thing is that she 177 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:17,320 and I and I, it feels like you both agree that there's a lot of 178 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:25,800 depth to cuckolding, hot wiping stag and vixen, even the MMS 179 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:33,200 threesomes that has been unexcavated. 180 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:40,040 It's been, it's been overlooked in favor of, you know, by women 181 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:47,960 in the three summer swinging world or masculine focused 182 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:54,720 multiples or open drives. And so and then the other thing 183 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:58,880 was, of course, bull friend rather than focusing in on a 184 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:03,400 bull, I'm not completely I never have been completely 185 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,600 comfortable. With. 186 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:10,080 Calling a human that I'm connecting with a bull, It's the 187 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,920 word that we use, so it communicates. 188 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,480 But she and I got together and we're like, we wanna do 189 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:22,840 something that's different. And so Bull Friend to me pulls 190 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:28,960 in that third energy. But also the idea is to humanize 191 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,880 it, because we're humanizing things in this. 192 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,440 We're not, we're not fetishes. We are people that are coming 193 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,760 together to meet the needs of all of us. 194 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:45,800 And how can we do this in the way that is collaborative? 195 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,000 And so we started that to sort of like keep in touch with 196 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,040 everybody who has these interests. 197 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:57,200 And we are working on some educational content. 198 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:02,640 We've been doing interviews with bull friends who, you know, have 199 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,320 the opportunity to really talk about their part of the 200 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:11,760 experience. I learned something from each 201 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,560 one that we've done. The very first one, I realized 202 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:19,840 that although I've always considered my bull friends, like 203 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:25,760 humans and growing into friends, that there are definitely things 204 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,400 that I could do a lot better in, you know, how I make those 205 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,880 connections and how I interact with them. 206 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,480 And so that's been super exciting. 207 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,120 So we're yeah, it's it's mostly, you know, education and 208 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,160 connection. We're going to be building a 209 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:47,160 community to bring people together on Discord. 210 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:52,520 So we have mutual spaces for everybody and then we have Cuck 211 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,120 spaces for the cucks to talk about what they're going 212 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,400 through. Or the Cuck wannabes. 213 00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:02,600 We'll have, you know, femmes spaces, We'll have king spaces. 214 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,360 And that way we'll have the opportunity to both talk 215 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,120 generally about the lifestyle with everybody and also to talk 216 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,520 more specifically about the lifestyle with the people who 217 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:17,160 inhabit our roles. That is very, very exciting and 218 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:22,720 I think you guys have identified we took a light run at that. 219 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,400 Actually Scarlett helped me a while ago to do something like 220 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:31,920 that on Telegram. But I we it didn't hold together 221 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,640 just because I don't think I had a big enough vision for it and 222 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,720 didn't have the time to develop in the way that you are doing 223 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,720 that. And I think you've identified a 224 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:45,880 space that's badly needed, and I don't know anybody else that's 225 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,240 doing it precisely that. And so we need, we need all of 226 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,440 us, 'cause we all have different perspectives, we all have 227 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,440 different different methodologies and different 228 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,840 interests, but they're all compatible. 229 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,320 I mean, it all comes under the banner of a sex positive 230 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:07,880 community where we can honor and respect everybody else's deal, 231 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:12,560 whatever it is, and learn and learn from, teach what we know 232 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,840 and learn from others that that know other things. 233 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,000 And that's exciting. That's really exciting to me. 234 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,280 I think that's great. So congratulations on that. 235 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,680 I joined. I'm in. 236 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:27,560 OK, now we have. The next thing that I want to 237 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:32,280 talk about is a program that's upcoming year in June called 238 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:36,960 Women in Charge Female Lead. Tell me about that. 239 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,840 OK, so this is pretty exciting for me. 240 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,760 Over the past several years, we've been hosting 3 online 241 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,800 weekend events per year. So everything is online. 242 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,680 You don't have to go anywhere. You can attend in your pyjamas 243 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,920 if you want to, you know, no travel fees. 244 00:15:55,920 --> 00:16:02,840 It's it's it makes it so much easier to access and this one is 245 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:08,160 specifically focused in on FLR femdom and women in charge 246 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,880 relationships. So it's a, you know, it's a 247 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,560 fantasies meets reality type of situation. 248 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,680 So for the femmes that consider themselves dominant, it's about, 249 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,640 you know, taking their dominant skills to the next level, 250 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,800 learning to dominate safely, creatively and confidently and 251 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,760 encouraging growth, learning and discipline within their 252 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,520 relationships and building and guiding the relationships that 253 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,560 they feel like they could thrive in. 254 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:46,840 And for the submissives of all genders, it's about we'll be 255 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:51,440 talking about how to really submit in a woman LED dynamic, 256 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:57,840 how to find the right dominant partner, how to learn and train 257 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,200 to please that dominant partner in the best way. 258 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:07,480 What kind of submissive are they, You know, What are the 259 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,319 pieces of submission including things like cuckoldry? 260 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:19,880 Scarlets will be hosting a panel on women centric non monogamy, 261 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,359 so that'll include cuckolding, but it'll also include, you 262 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:28,600 know, the reverse harem with the woman in the center and and 263 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,840 multiple men in you know, a more committed type relationship and 264 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,960 so on and so forth. So we're going to be focusing in 265 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:41,840 on a lot of what I like to call the parallel fetishes as well 266 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,760 and the lifestyle bits and pieces that all sort of come 267 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,040 together including like Darren Infinity is going to be talking 268 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,640 about chastity for Penis Havers, right? 269 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:58,120 So we're going to be touching in on a lot of specifics, but I am 270 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:03,600 actually going to be teaching a six hour workshop on Saturday 271 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:08,400 for all of those who are interested in this type of 272 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:12,000 lifestyle, a woman LED lifestyle starting from the very 273 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,600 beginning. And you know, how do you shape 274 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:23,360 the life that you want your best life with the woman in charge as 275 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,560 the central focus? And I'm super excited about that 276 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:32,080 because I mean, I I live an amazing life. 277 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:37,080 And I know women, some women who live amazing lives as well, And 278 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,000 I've gotten the chance to talk with them. 279 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:44,360 And then I also know quite a few people, dominant women and 280 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:49,040 submissives, who adore dominant women, who are really struggling 281 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:54,400 to find their identity and to express that in such a way to 282 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,840 create the life they want, either with the partner they 283 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:03,160 have, or to find that partner and shape that life together. 284 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,040 Well, you said a whole lot right there. 285 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:11,080 And yeah, I'm really excited. That's that's a lot. 286 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,840 That's a lot. And I will say just as an aside 287 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,720 to my followers too, I will be doing a segment on Nokia's 288 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,120 program here on the importance of financial independence for 289 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,080 women who want to be sexually independent. 290 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:30,280 They are inextricably linked. Oftentimes that gets missed by 291 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,880 both men and women and it's incredibly important. 292 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,360 And so I'm really happy to participate my little, my little 293 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:41,520 piece of that. But I think also well 6 hour 294 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,520 workshop that is really cool and it can encompass so much. 295 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:51,360 You know what I love about the idea of doing an online, what 296 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,560 would we call that an online event like that? 297 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,520 Is that it? That Will it have the 298 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,320 opportunity to be interactive in some ways? 299 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,880 Will it be questions and answers and stuff like that, 'cause I 300 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,080 think it's gonna, I think it's gonna inspire a lot of that. 301 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,640 And so it's great that your presenters who make themselves 302 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,520 available to answer specific questions, 'cause that's when 303 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,360 people really take stuff away. One of the questions that I get 304 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,840 a lot from my followers. I would say my followers are 305 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:27,680 predominantly male. Males who want to be couples or 306 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,520 who want to be submissive or. Both. 307 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,320 They may be in a relationship or or they're looking for a 308 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,720 relationship. But universally, the one of the 309 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:42,160 major major questions I get it every single week is how do I 310 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,840 get my woman to engage with me in this. 311 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:51,120 And so any education along those lines, you know, I I answer only 312 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,320 in a cursory manner because I I don't have. 313 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,720 I would spend literally all day every day interacting, which I'd 314 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,600 love to do with my followers. But there there's certain time 315 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,800 constraints, but you know the the main things that. 316 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,960 I book on the topic at one point. 317 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:12,840 Well for somebody for how to essentially how to to create a 318 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,400 woman LED relationship out of the relationship you have or out 319 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,680 of a relationship that you're moving into. 320 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:28,840 And what I would say for those who are in a relationship is 321 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,800 that it's going to be really difficult for you because you 322 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,880 already have patterns of behavior within your 323 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:44,320 relationship that you are going to have to overcome alone and 324 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:51,360 start serving and behaving in the submissive manner that you 325 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:56,080 want to live in. Without her buy in, you're going 326 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,520 to have to show her how this benefits her. 327 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,160 And it's a little different with cuckolding. 328 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,400 I'll talk about that in just a second, but I'm going to show 329 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:11,000 her how this benefits her and engage her in the process 330 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:18,920 without asking for what in her eyes is probably freaky shit to 331 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:23,720 get you over that hump, right? And with cuckolding, it's it's a 332 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,040 little bit harder because then you've also got the aspect of 333 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,880 open sexuality. And if you married somebody 334 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:36,040 who's not openly sexual to begin with, or if you partnered with 335 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:40,440 somebody who's not openly sexual to begin with, the idea of 336 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,720 cuckolding could be incredibly distressing to them. 337 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,640 Now if you're getting into a new relationship. 338 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:54,560 So a lot of people will say, you know, go for swingers, go for 339 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,600 women who have been slutty in their lives, etcetera, etcetera, 340 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,160 etcetera. I would say it's worth looking 341 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,360 in those pools because a lot of people do come from the swing 342 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:11,320 world, but those pools are also people who tend to really, 343 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:16,120 really value the Uber masculine man, the people who end up being 344 00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,840 bull friends. So I would suggest looking 345 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:25,000 specifically for women who are open minded about sexuality and 346 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:30,720 value both the sex aspect of things but the human and the 347 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:35,160 connection as well. Because and and just using 348 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:40,560 myself as an example, when I met my cuckold, he was my 10th man 349 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,920 ever, right. So and I, I will tell you we 350 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,680 have gone way, way beyond that in the years we've been 351 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,880 together. But I was open to the sexuality 352 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,840 and the key for me. And this is what I hear from a 353 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,000 lot of women in different words and different ways from 354 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,120 different backgrounds. The key for us and Crystal, you 355 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:09,840 can tell me if you feel this is the connection with our cuckold 356 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:15,600 is what drives so much more of our sexuality. 357 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:20,560 It's like our cuckolds fill us up so much that our cups runneth 358 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:25,880 over and we have so much sexuality to share with others 359 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:31,040 and that's a huge key. So being open to sexuality is 360 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:35,680 the place you want to begin specifically for a cuckolding or 361 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:41,360 even a super sexy based kink dynamic in my opinion. 362 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,680 Yeah, no, I think you're dead on, right? 363 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,320 I I do. I think that that is the key. 364 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:52,440 I just had a conversation with somebody this morning trying to 365 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:56,320 figure out how to get his girlfriend on board here and I 366 00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:00,480 said, look, don't try that. First of all, what you want to 367 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,520 do, don't. Don't try and get her to do 368 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,560 anything. Yeah, that's a badass. 369 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,120 Yeah. What I would suggest is, you 370 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,760 know, get a, you know, as you said, you may have to do, they 371 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,600 may have to do some inner work on themselves. 372 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,160 What is your level of communication with her to begin 373 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,200 with? Read some things. 374 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,120 Read some things. If she's open to communicate 375 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:29,000 with you and she wants to build intimacy with you and she wants 376 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,200 to and you guys are working toward that consciously 377 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:39,480 together, then you are in a good position to bring her along to 378 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,000 what your interest might be. But I would suggest and see if 379 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,120 you agree with this. No key. 380 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:48,800 I usually what I point people to is my website, your website, 381 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,640 Scarlett's stuff. Watch some things, Listen to 382 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,720 some things, read some things with your partner and then 383 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,640 discuss it with him. What did they hear there? 384 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,800 What was intriguing to them? What turned them off? 385 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,000 What? What you know? 386 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,000 Is there anything in that that we just listened to that we 387 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,280 might experiment with like that? And I said the one thing that 388 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:15,440 will ruin your relationship is to try and manipulate your woman 389 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,760 or try and get her to do something. 390 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,560 It's not the point and you will fail. 391 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,040 So this is the opposite. It's the. 392 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,280 Opposite the head relationship or cuckolding to try to force 393 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,960 her to do something for you? Yes, yes. 394 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,880 Exactly like hello. I, I, you know, I get that. 395 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,440 I get that conversation quite a bit. 396 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,760 And you know, somebody will say, how do I talk about these 397 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,120 things? How do I talk about kink, you 398 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:49,400 know, with my partner? And the first thing I say is how 399 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,200 comfortable are you talking about everything? 400 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,880 Like if you can't talk about, do you know what you do that 401 00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:01,000 pleases your partner best? Can you rate the top 10 things 402 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,240 in order? Do you know what they fantasize 403 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,000 about? Do do they feel comfortable that 404 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,960 they can please you? Do they know what your fantasies 405 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,800 are? You know, Like if you can't even 406 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:18,800 say what things can I do that can please my partner in these 407 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:23,320 ten sexual ways and these ten non sexual ways for sure and 408 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,600 know without a doubt. That your partner would be able 409 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,400 to collect, corroborate. That you're not ready to talk 410 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:35,520 about King adding kink to your relationship or cuckolding to 411 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,320 your relationship, 'cause you don't yet have the communication 412 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,760 skills. And I talk about that. 413 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,280 I wrote a book called Understand Me Now, and that's an order. 414 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:53,520 And the idea that I talk about is I give you a series of steps 415 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,720 to Start learning how to communicate with your partner 416 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:03,600 and how to share fantasies in ways that are non threatening. 417 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,120 Because, you know, dumping. I've been dreaming about 418 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,480 cuckolding for the past 10 years and here are all the extreme 419 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:15,680 things I'm into on somebody who doesn't even know about it that 420 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,080 doesn't work, right? So how to build that 421 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,480 communication, How to start talking about sexuality? 422 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,040 And also there's also the parts of you. 423 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,760 Are you, are you really trying to force this? 424 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:35,640 Because a lot of people will say, well, I just know that she 425 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,160 would love it. Well, if she would love it, then 426 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:46,400 give her the time to come around for otherwise you're doing it 427 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,520 for you. You're. 428 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:51,840 Pushing it on her for you and that's you might end up creating 429 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:56,240 a cuckold dress that leaves you and find somebody who's going to 430 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,920 be there for her while she explores her life. 431 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,320 Because ultimately, you're you're you're creating a 432 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:07,840 monster. When you're creating a femdom or 433 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,080 a cuckold dress, you're you're show, you're not. 434 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,280 You're not giving her power, you are revealing the power she's 435 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:18,280 already had. And if she comes into that power 436 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:24,680 and you're not being the person she needs, you're gonna lose. 437 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,760 And why that's something you set him out. 438 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,880 No, nobody wants that. But that is such an important 439 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,880 point right there. I thank you for saying that 440 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,400 because that is just critically important. 441 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,520 I think a lot of this too, and when I when I field all the 442 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:47,120 questions that I do, we're in a society where it's been a 443 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:52,240 patriarchal society forever. Men have in many ways, and these 444 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,960 are generalizations which I don't like to do very often, but 445 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:59,480 generally men have have become entitled to women's sexuality, 446 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:02,440 and that's changing now, That's changing. 447 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:09,000 So that's one thing to recognize is that if you still hold that 448 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:13,360 old kind of antiquated idea that because you're the man you get 449 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,800 to dictate how your woman is gonna be sexual with you, you 450 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,760 are on the wrong track. Because the truth is, women, 451 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:25,960 women as a group have evolved beyond that many, many women are 452 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,400 rejecting. I mean, you wonder where 453 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,040 feminism has come from and femdom has come from and 454 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,320 sexually empowered females have come from. 455 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,640 It's because women are finally in the 21st century standing up 456 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:42,400 saying I own my body, I own my experience, I own my own 457 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:47,040 desires, I own my own methodologies, and you now have 458 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,240 to fit into that. That's a sea change for men, and 459 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:54,320 I get that it's difficult, but if you don't really embrace that 460 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:59,720 in its entirety to support and love your woman and really 461 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,560 excavate her, excavate your partner, who is she? 462 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,720 What makes her tick? What are the things that she 463 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,080 hasn't even thought about now that she might be wildly excited 464 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,160 about? But it's not about you dictating 465 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,640 that to her. It's about you excavating it 466 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,720 from her. She has her own ideas and her 467 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,360 own inclinations, and you guys can learn together. 468 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,400 But Nikki, you said the most important things, the 469 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:28,200 foundational communication, that's just so, so critical. 470 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,960 And with that in place, you have a very good chance. 471 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,840 But you also are now getting a sense that there are multiple 472 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,800 places that have really valuable resources. 473 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,200 And I'm going to ask you, Nuki, this is sort of a side note too, 474 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,080 but I have a resource page that I would love to include your 475 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,960 stuff in because it's stuff that all of, you know. 476 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,680 I'm not going to recreate all that stuff. 477 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:54,080 I've recreated some of it, but but I would love to include some 478 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:58,000 of your projects on my resource page so I can point people to 479 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,560 you and have a way to point them to you and and A and a place to 480 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,280 go because you've got some really good, you've got some 481 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,920 really good structure around all of that. 482 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,640 All right. So we're at our final fun 483 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:14,080 question. Tell me all about your recent 484 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,280 experience at that hotel takeover wild party down there 485 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:23,880 and. OK, so for those of you who who 486 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,920 do not know, my partner and I were just recently in Atlanta 487 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:35,400 for Splash Mocha and it was my first time. 488 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:41,640 It was our first time, my first time doing anything like that. 489 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,880 So just for those of you who aren't aware, I did not come 490 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:50,480 into cuckolding from swinging. I came into cuckolding through. 491 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,840 Kink. And like I said, I was. 492 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,560 And I'm I'm not saying this in a derogatory way. 493 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,280 I was not a slut when I started cuckolding. 494 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,720 I just, I didn't have it in me. In fact, I almost rejected it 495 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:07,680 because I've always found that it's more fun to have sex when I 496 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:14,480 have a connection. So naturally, going into a hotel 497 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:19,600 that is going to be full of people looking for and engaging 498 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:25,000 in sex was a little nerve racking for me. 499 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:30,320 I didn't know what to expect. You know, like I imagined it 500 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,400 would probably be a lot like the kinky hotel takeovers that I've 501 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:37,160 been to, where it's people of all shapes and sizes, you know, 502 00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:42,200 getting their freak on. And it was, but it was sex 503 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:48,240 instead of just kink. And that added a difference for 504 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:54,400 me because I'm not super evolved when it comes to, you know, sex 505 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,760 in public and so on and so forth. 506 00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,680 Like, I just haven't had as many experiences overall. 507 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:06,040 My partner and I, on the way back from Atlanta, we were 508 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:11,600 talking to our cuckolding buddies across the country who 509 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,199 also had kind of the same reservations that I did, Thought 510 00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:18,360 might it might not be as intimate as they wanted or, you 511 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,440 know, it might be kind of this meat market type of thing. 512 00:34:21,639 --> 00:34:25,320 And we were telling them, no, no, no, you're going to love it. 513 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,120 The people that run it are amazing. 514 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:32,639 The people that go are vetted and they're super respectful and 515 00:34:32,639 --> 00:34:37,480 there's a lot of really beautiful men there. 516 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,320 And the couples are so much fun to talk to. 517 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:46,440 And we just had a grand time and on top of it we got to meet 518 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,199 somebody who's only an hour down the road from us. 519 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,960 So that was super awesome. We connected wonderfully with 520 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,480 with him. We're planning to go to Houston 521 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,600 in November and we're we're going to try to see if we can 522 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:06,040 get a day pass to the event down in Fort Lauderdale in August, 523 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,600 'cause that's my birthday month and he's got family in the area, 524 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,840 so we might do that. But it looks like in November, 525 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,320 if things go well, I might actually end up teaching at the 526 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,400 Splash Mocha event. We talked with the organizers. 527 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:27,680 They have a a Dick worship class and my partner and I were like, 528 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,960 why isn't there a petting the pussy class? 529 00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:34,280 There needs to be like this is all about women. 530 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:39,280 We need to show how to please, let's see with you take take the 531 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,400 penis out of it. I mean all of those guys know 532 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,920 how to stick it in and fuck, but do you know how to use your 533 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,640 hands? And do you know how to use your 534 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,480 mouth to please your cuckold dress? 535 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,760 Or, if you're a bull, to please your lover? 536 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:56,240 And so we suggested that, and it looks like we might end up 537 00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,560 actually teaching that in November. 538 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:02,600 Thank you from all the women in the crowd. 539 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,400 Collectively, we hear the collective roar of the crowd 540 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,440 that it's. It's interesting to hear your 541 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,040 story. I went to my first splash Mocha 542 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:16,040 last November in Houston, which is where I finally met, where I 543 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,280 met Scarlett in person for the first time. 544 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,480 And I I felt exactly like you did. 545 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:25,720 I didn't think I belonged there. I'm not a swinger, you know. 546 00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:28,720 I've been locked in my house for two years with a pandemic and 547 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:32,920 going into a hotel with 1500 people that aren't masked or 548 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:36,520 vast as far as I know, you know. So I had all kinds of 549 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,240 reservations about it. And I had a very similar 550 00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,560 experience to yours. It was beautiful. 551 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,920 One of our friends put together a little cocktail party. 552 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,480 I'm sure Scarlett told you about that. 553 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:52,040 That was really wildly successful and we connected with 554 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:58,680 new friends, new couples and and to tell those other women who 555 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,920 might have similar reservations, like both nookie and I did you 556 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,280 don't have to do anything at these parties that you don't 557 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,240 feel like doing. And I'm very much a connector. 558 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,360 Very much. I don't. 559 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,640 I just am not the volume girl. That's not my I don't have any 560 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,440 judgement about people that are. It's just not my deal. 561 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:20,520 And so I thought, well, what the heck am I going to do with my 562 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,360 time there? I don't think anybody's lying 563 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,080 for a girlfriend. I thought, nobody's looking for 564 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:27,160 a girlfriend. At this thing. 565 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:32,280 But here's an interesting thing. The person who sort of picked me 566 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,800 graciously because I was too withdrawn, I think to like 567 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:40,600 choose Anybody, the very first thing he did, he was quiet. 568 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,120 He was thoughtful. He was commutative. 569 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,160 He sat me down, we sat down at a table and he goes, what kind of 570 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,240 experience would you like to have this weekend? 571 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:55,680 I mean, what an insightful, sensitive, tuned in, evolved 572 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,680 question there are. Amazing. 573 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:04,040 Humans in that space. Yes, and that is that is you 574 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,080 know what what what Nookie just said about them being vetted. 575 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:11,120 You know, the guys that are there, from my experience, know 576 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,800 how to freaking act. They know how to act. 577 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,680 They're not jerks. They're not pushy. 578 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,240 They're not, you know, they are looking to see what it is that 579 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:22,360 you want. And he did his very best to 580 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,280 deliver exactly that all weekend long. 581 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,400 And so he had, he sat me down and asked me what, you know, 582 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,720 what kind of experience I wanted. 583 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:32,120 I said, well, you know, I didn't think I was going to be here. 584 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,720 First of all, I'm a little, I'm a lot uncomfortable. 585 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,760 And I said if I was going to characterize the experience that 586 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,240 I want, that I'm going to respond best to. 587 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,520 I want a girlfriend experience. And he says, well, what do you 588 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,720 mean by that? And I said, well, you know, like 589 00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:48,640 I was a girlfriend, some affection, some communication, a 590 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,760 little, you know, some connection. 591 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,920 And he, he got it immediately and did exactly that. 592 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,640 And so we ended up having a ball. 593 00:38:55,640 --> 00:39:00,360 We had a ball. So I might, we might see you in 594 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,120 November at slash again. Yeah, it'd be really fun 'cause 595 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,360 it is, it is a very fun crowd and and there's some super, 596 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,960 super, super quality people that are regular attenders there. 597 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,680 OK, let's see, what else didn't we cover? 598 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:19,480 I'm sure there's a million things, but I'm so grateful that 599 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,680 you have shared all that you're doing because I think it's 600 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,480 incredibly, incredibly valuable. Oh, I know. 601 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:28,600 Another question I have for you is I know there's a bunch of us 602 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:35,160 that are actively engaged in creating healthy sex positive 603 00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:41,800 community, no matter what your dynamic is and how do you see 604 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:45,360 how how do you see that we can what are the best ways do you 605 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,800 think other than what you're doing, what Scarlett's doing, 606 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,240 what I'm doing, what Venus is doing, what everybody else 607 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:52,480 that's in the space. I'm not talking about women 608 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,800 specifically because I think we're the ones that are going to 609 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:56,920 drive this. I do. 610 00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,760 You know, the men tend to go porn right away. 611 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:04,080 The women are saying no, let's be thoughtful, let's be let's 612 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:09,080 see what really is here for us, and let's see how we can make 613 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,120 the most of this. Those of us that have found joy 614 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:17,160 and female lead dynamics and cuckoldry and however it is that 615 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:22,680 we're running our deal, but how do you see us building and 616 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,640 developing that community in a way? 617 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,480 Like I'm I'm working on a project right now with Venus to 618 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:33,640 to shop from the rooftops, the the joys of intimacy in cuck in 619 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,960 in a cuck relationship. So we're going to be doing a 620 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:42,800 couple of moan talks about that just because we both are aware 621 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,440 of the fact that more women need to be heads up, more women need 622 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:51,200 to understand the benefits, the benefits of grabbing a hold of 623 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:55,120 their own sexual lives and their own sexual experience. 624 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,680 And and having having not not just settling for whatever comes 625 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:03,440 to them, but defining what they want and developing what they 626 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,920 want. And so I'm particularly 627 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,080 interested in how do we engage more women? 628 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,480 I think to me the the, the. The. 629 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:18,960 Challenge is that from my perspective, we don't 630 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:26,080 necessarily want to specifically engage more women from and 631 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:31,640 again, this is my perspective. What I want to do is I want to 632 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:42,840 engage more people who want to live the life they fantasize 633 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,480 about. So I think the challenge is like 634 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:49,760 when when you you talk about men going straight to porn, the 635 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:54,880 challenge is that they are fearful that they cannot live 636 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,760 that life, so they live it vicariously through porn. 637 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,120 Women are fearful that they cannot live that life, so they 638 00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:05,560 tend to shut themselves off so they're not judged by society. 639 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,760 What? Yeah. 640 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:17,800 So what I think we need to do as proselytizers is to engage those 641 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:25,600 people who have that little itty bitty, tiny spark of courage and 642 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:33,600 fan the flames and live by example and live joyously and 643 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:39,160 out loud and tell them, you know, 10 years ago, you know, I 644 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,920 was where you are. I was unsure and didn't even 645 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,360 know about cuckolding. And when somebody suggested it 646 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,360 to me, I'm like, I don't think this is going to work for. 647 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:50,520 And I took that step and here are the things I did and here 648 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,960 are the things that Crystal did. And here are the things that 649 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,600 Anne did and Venus did and Scarlett did and Anya did and 650 00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:01,320 and and and and and, and, and and here are the men. 651 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:08,840 Like on YouTube when people go to the dating kinky channel and 652 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:12,880 they see the chats that Ann Cuckoldras and Venus and I have 653 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:16,560 done about cuckolding and, you know, somebody says, how can you 654 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,760 be so cruel? How can you do this? 655 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:24,800 You know, answering them as compassionately as possible and 656 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:28,600 saying, I understand that you have been cheated on. 657 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:34,400 There's a difference between cuckolding as a consensual 658 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,600 fetish, where we collaborate to get our needs met and what you 659 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,760 went through. And I assure you that my partner 660 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:47,520 and I have no harm being done. In fact, we are. 661 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,640 We are strong and we are growing and we are amazing people 662 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,760 together and so, so much in love, right? 663 00:43:55,760 --> 00:44:01,480 So we need to, to meet all of this stuff and fan those teeny 664 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:08,720 tiny little sparks of courage into flames of passion. 665 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:17,400 To find and live our best sexual and kinky lives and to not with, 666 00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,840 especially within the frameworks of who we are as people and 667 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:25,040 within our relationships. To be ashamed of that which Anya 668 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,680 and I are are talking about and very slowly working on putting 669 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:33,320 together a project specifically about shame, because we were 670 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,000 talking about parenting earlier. And that's one of the things 671 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:41,280 that my parents never gave me. They never ever gave me any 672 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:46,400 shame around sexuality, right? That was that was that was a no 673 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:47,840 go. It wasn't even considered. 674 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:49,440 There was no reason to be ashamed. 675 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:52,600 As a teenager, of course, I was still awkward and ashamed. 676 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:57,800 But you know, as you grow up, you realize I this was not 677 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:01,600 indoctrinated into me. I don't have to be ashamed of 678 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,880 anything. And that frees you in so many 679 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:06,840 ways. Other people, they need to 680 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:11,600 unlearn those habits, and we need to provide steps for them 681 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:15,120 to unlearn those habits, and steps for them to open their 682 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:17,680 relationship to more communication and more 683 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,680 sexuality, or open their relationship to the kink they 684 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,080 want. Or even just to start fucking 685 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:26,840 having conversation over dinner. Right. 686 00:45:27,240 --> 00:45:30,560 Start where you are. We'll meet you where you are. 687 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,720 We'll help you with the resources to get to where you 688 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:38,000 want to be. You have to take those steps and 689 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,840 you have to do it with an open heart and an open mind and 690 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,840 authenticity. And not by sending messages 691 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,760 online. Like can you tell me how you 692 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,080 touched his Dick? Because. 693 00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,560 No, no, we. Can't tell you that. 694 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,840 We're not going to tell you that. 695 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,160 That's not what we're here for. Right. 696 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:59,560 Yeah, that that is, that is absolutely true. 697 00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:03,120 We. It's interesting. 698 00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:06,520 As you were talking, I was thinking about, you know, your 699 00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:11,040 simple question like do you discuss sex in your day-to-day 700 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,280 life? And well, think about the two 701 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:18,160 when I think of the challenges. And I'm going to address this in 702 00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:27,280 my in your event that so many women are hesitant or complacent 703 00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:32,200 about their finances, which hurts them and it keeps them 704 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,840 trapped. It's sex and money are the two 705 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:41,040 things that in most American families are taboo to discuss in 706 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,600 the family. For most families, they don't 707 00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:47,320 discuss either one. What are two of the most charged 708 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,600 important elements of a human life? 709 00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:56,000 And it's the two things that the average family here find so 710 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,120 difficult to talk about or discuss. 711 00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,760 And so we arrive screeching in our adult years. 712 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,560 We don't know shit about sex, and we don't know shit about 713 00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,840 money. And we might want to learn about 714 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,360 sex, but almost nobody wants to learn about money. 715 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:11,400 And then we're wondering why we're broke. 716 00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:13,520 And women are a big part of this. 717 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:14,960 So I'm going to March into something. 718 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,520 I'll probably piss some people off, but it's stuff that you 719 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:21,080 need to hear. Because these are the things. 720 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:24,200 If you're not completely conversant with your finances 721 00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,520 now, or your sex or your sexuality or what you think 722 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:31,120 might be there, you must be. If you're going to live a full 723 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:38,840 life, a full and happy and free life it comes with, you have to 724 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,720 be willing to not only learn about these things, but you got 725 00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:44,000 to March right into them. There's actually stuff you have 726 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:47,120 to do, and I think that stops a lot of people too. 727 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:50,320 They like I know for women am I I specialized in women in my 728 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:54,960 former career, and I know women in general love to learn, love, 729 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,200 love, love, love, love to learn anything. 730 00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,880 They not so much to do, not so much to do. 731 00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:07,400 I'm talking, I'm talking specifically about finance right 732 00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,800 here. They love to learn about it, but 733 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:13,360 they don't actually want to budget or anything else like 734 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,440 that. And then they wonder why, you 735 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:16,560 know, it doesn't always work out. 736 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,960 Anyway, I'm so, so, so glad I got to talk to you and 737 00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:21,960 understand a lot more about what you're doing. 738 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,040 So I think it's incredibly important work. 739 00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:28,720 And I would just welcome you to send me some links to your stuff 740 00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:31,680 so I can add you to my resource page because I will certainly 741 00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,800 point people your way. You know, I'm just here as an 742 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,640 advocate for the lifestyle. I never intended to make this 743 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:43,040 any kind of a business, but it's starting to get a little 744 00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,920 overwhelming now. So I'm starting to rethink all 745 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,480 of that. And you know what it needs to 746 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,760 look like. But I think you have a very, 747 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:55,480 very important perspective and a lot of valuable resources that 748 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,120 that the world in general could benefit from. 749 00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,360 And so I thank you, Thank you for the work that you do. 750 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:02,320 Thank you for spending a bit of time with me. 751 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,520 And please send me some of your links that I can add to my 752 00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:08,640 resource page. Absolutely. 753 00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,800 My pleasure. And one thing I do want to touch 754 00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:15,680 on real quick because I think you said something that hits a 755 00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,000 nail on the head. You mentioned sex and money are 756 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,160 the two things we tend not to talk about in American 757 00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:27,040 households. Those are also the two biggest 758 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,280 power struggles in American households. 759 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:34,680 Those are the two things that will create the biggest amount 760 00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:41,080 of power imbalance and fear and resentment, and that's something 761 00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,680 that I think is really, really key. 762 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:48,240 It is. Those are the two sources of 763 00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:49,920 power. So when we're talking about 764 00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:54,720 women who want to be in control and in command of their own 765 00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:58,080 lives, first of all, and in command of their sexual lives 766 00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,000 and in command of their financial lives, there's 767 00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,320 actually stuff you need to learn and there's actually stuff you 768 00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:06,960 need to do. And so I know collectively we're 769 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:11,520 going to do our best to lay that out in a way that people can 770 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,760 grab a hold of. But those two things, you're 771 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:17,440 you're exactly right. They're the two power centers of 772 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,800 a human life. You know, those two things 773 00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:24,160 dictate almost everything. And it isn't it ironic that 774 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:27,440 those are the two power centers and ironically the two things 775 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,480 that families have the hardest time talking about. 776 00:50:30,240 --> 00:50:34,480 And so, so here, here we are in our adult years trying to you 777 00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,560 know, make up for lost time and try and plug, plug the gaps for 778 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,360 some other people that might be looking for that freedom and how 779 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,560 do they navigate their way toward that freedom. 780 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,320 And I know that we'll we'll all do our best to to get them 781 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,560 there. So thank you again, Nookie. 782 00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,160 I'm so appreciative of your time. 783 00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:55,120 I know you're really hella busy and this has been great. 784 00:50:55,760 --> 00:51:00,800 I will be posting Nookie's stuff up on my resource page. 785 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,880 Please go check out her, you know, keep an eye out. 786 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:08,120 We'll be we'll be sending out some ads for her women in Charge 787 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:13,560 event and go to dating Kinky and and look at some of those 788 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,640 resources because she might have exactly the question that you 789 00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,600 have on your mind might already be answered over there and so 790 00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,760 I'm happy to share sharing is good. 791 00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:26,920 We can't all do everything you know. 792 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:30,560 We can only do our own part and somebody else picks up, somebody 793 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,880 else picks up the other stuff. So anyway, anything, anything 794 00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:38,680 else we need to to close with Nookie that we didn't? 795 00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:41,120 Cover. Not that I can think of. 796 00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:46,200 I think, you know there, I mean there's there's a million things 797 00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:51,800 we didn't cover, but we have all the time in the world and we can 798 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:55,160 move on in another connection, yeah. 799 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,400 OK. We will do that. 800 00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,480 Thanks again. We appreciate you being here and 801 00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:04,800 I'm excited for for everyone to hear this, this little segment 802 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,600 here because I think it's going to give there's a lot of food 803 00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:10,120 for thought in here and I appreciate you for that. 804 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:12,400 My pleasure. Thank you. 805 00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:14,480 All right. Till next time. 806 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,920 Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest 807 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:22,680 blog and podcast at C Welch Poly on Medium and find her on 808 00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:27,160 Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are 809 00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,840 always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the 810 00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:33,480 show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review 811 00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,360 wherever you listen to your podcast. 812 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,160 We appreciate it and we'll catch you in the next episode.