Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host vlogger, podcaster and
speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how
relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual
non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love.
This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know
about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado,
let's welcome your host, Crystal Welch, and dive head first into
this episode. Hello people, I am so happy to
bring an exciting guest to you today.
I've been waiting to meet her for a long time.
She is prominent in the cuckold space and a great podcaster.
So she is Venus Cuckolders and she's the host and the host of
Venus Cuckolders, which you can find Venus, I think it's Venus
cuckolders.com. Is that correct?
Yes. OK, so you can find her there,
and she's also the founder. We want to talk about this a
little bit later because this might be of interest to some of
you. She established Venus
Connections, which is a unique I I've not heard of another one
anywhere, but it's a unique matchmaking service designed for
loving cuckold relationships. So if you want to know more
about that, definitely be in touch with her because she she
is the woman that you're going to want to listen to and she's
really credible in the in the space.
So I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome.
I think this is going to be a fun chat.
So the idea that we had, because she's an advocate of cuckoldry,
as am I, I thought it would be a good topic to take up why more
women might want to consider cuckoldry as a relationship
alternative to if if you're monogamous now or if you've
tried maybe polyamory or some other form.
We want to go through some of the benefits I think.
I think that's what I have a couple ideas of why more women
are hesitant about cuckoldry, and I I want to know your
thoughts on that too. Venus, because I know you have
some, I think primarily women, are afraid of shame.
I think that's one thing that keeps them from pursuing looking
into this a little bit deeper, and I think the other major
reason I probably got this from Doctor Ley.
They're afraid if they proposed cuckolding to their partner that
it might interfere with that primary relationship.
And so I think we we can take on both of those and maybe offer
some ideas about how to navigate that just to open up the
conversation in case they're curious and how to how to
champion that conversation forward.
If anything that we make, anything we say today makes
sense, which hopefully it will. That's our goal.
So Venus, I would love to know, why don't you go ahead and tell
her guests, I would like to know how did you become a
cuckoldress? That's the first tier of the
question. And then a longer question I
want to get into a little bit later and much deeper is what
are the joys and the benefits that you personally have gotten
out of this lifestyle choice for yourself?
Well, first of all thank you Crystal for having me on the
show. I'm just so happy to be able to
talk about my favorite subject and I think that this is going
to be a wonderful conversation because yes, there are so many
reasons why women really should think of a loving cuckolding
relationship as an option. So to start out your with your
first question like how did I become a cuckold?
Just how did I get into this? I actually knew that this was
the kind of relationship I wanted before.
I knew what it like that it was even possible.
I knew about swinging, I knew about non monogamy.
But I had always thought that there had to be this level of
equality as far as if you're allowed to do that, then I'm
allowed to do that. And it was constantly a very
like setting those rules, limits and boundaries where everybody
was comfortable. And so I thought it was a always
have to meet in the middle kind of thing.
And I knew I didn't want that. I was just like, you know, I
just want to be able to do what I want and have someone really
happy to for that. And I just was like, I'm never
gonna get a guy to sign up for this.
Like, there's no way, there's no way that a guy would agree to
that. It's not fair.
The unfairness of it is what I thought.
I would never find a guy who would sign up for that.
But then I matched with this guy on Tinder, and he started
telling me about this kind of relationship, and he didn't use
the word cuck or cuckold right away.
So he was just talking about, like, how he really enjoyed the
fact that I had no plans on being monogamous, that I wanted
to sleep with my friends with benefits whenever I wanted and
stuff. And so he's very intrigued by
that. And then eventually he did use
the word, the word cuck. And I was like, I don't know
what that is, but all right. And then then when I learned, I
was like, Oh my God, are you serious?
This sounds. Really a thing?
It's really. And I but I thought it was just
like, I thought he was just very unique.
And it wasn't until him and I broke up that I started looking
online and researching this. Not really researching, but just
looking up that cuckold thing. And I was like, holy shit,
there's a lot of guys out there that are down for this.
And so that was like a big moment for me because like, I I
had no idea it existed. And that was one of the reasons
why I first started blogging, 'cause I was like, if I didn't
know it existed, I bet there's a bunch of other women that don't
know it exists either as an option for a relationship.
So as far as your your second question, what I get out of it,
there is so much benefit to women in this kind of
relationship because you get your loving and adoring partner
who you love with all of your heart.
And you also get these the ability to explore your
sexuality on your own terms with whoever you want in combination,
which is usually not something that you would ever like,
connect the two with. Like you want to sleep with
other people or whoever you want, whenever you want, if you
want. And he's not only going to be OK
with it, and he's not just going to be settled for it and say
it's OK and he's not going to give you a bunch of rules and
say, well, OK, you get to do that, but I get to do this kind
of thing. But he's he's actually going to
like, cheer you on like celebrate like, yes.
And the more you are like that, the more he is happy and
fulfilled. And I was just so when as a
woman you have that, you have that, you have this loving,
adoring, loyal partner who will celebrate you for the sexual
being that you are. And So what it really does, I
think at the end of the day, this kind of relationship
empowers women to ask for what they want and get what they
want. And that's not something that we
are used to doing. And yeah, so there's.
And of course if you are already in a relationship and you and
you bring in cuckolding, it's just going to amplify the love,
the trust and the communication that you have.
It's and your sex life is going to be the most fun ever.
Yes, you have. You have entered the Unicorn.
The Unicorn zone, Yes. Oh, that's very, very
interesting that you thought of the idea before you knew about
the thing. I mean, that's really
fascinating to me because that just tells you that there's.
And actually, I've been doing research recently that backs up
what she just said about women are in fact looking for other
ways, other alternatives to monogamy.
And I'm going to share a little bit of that with you.
But I just wanted to respond back that it is kind of like
Unicorn land when I have talked to women who have asked me, you
know, why are you doing that or what's that all about or what
what do you get out of that? You know my quickest down and
dirty answer it it is exactly the cake and eat it too scenario
where you know, most women I know have always dreamed of a
loyal, loving, devoted, you know, partner who supports you,
doesn't try to compete with you and just, you know, just loves
you in that way. It's not that easy to find in
today's world in in my experience.
And I've been married a couple times and man, I fell out with
monogamy big time. And no.
And I just knew that I would never go back because you know,
I ended up alone most of the time.
It was lonely and not connected. And I thought why would I have
all of the obligations of monogamy and none of the
benefits, you know, of a partner that's never there.
A partner who's not really interested in what you're doing,
a partner who is not really interested in you at the end of
the day. I think that's that's a lot of
women and a lot of their relationships.
And so I actually advertised for a cock.
I knew what it was. I had never had an ongoing
relationship with a cock, but I knew what it was.
And I actually put an ad on Craigslist saying, hey, I'm a
busy professional, I I would like to be hooked up with a
cuckold man. And that's about all I said.
I didn't. Bother to describe myself or you
know, really nothing. I just thought, ah, this is an
experiment. Nobody will probably, well
Craigslist and for anybody that ever used it back in the day.
You know if you are female posting, you know, I'm a £300
gorilla and who were female, you'd still get 40 responses out
of there. So I left, I left that little ad
up about, I don't know, 10/15/20 minutes and my husband actually
responded to it. He was the first one to respond.
We decided to go have a drink and I thought, well just be
interesting, see how this happens.
And we just clicked. We just talked a mile a minute.
We had had some similar experiences with marriage and
monogamy. I asked him, you know, why would
he respond to an ad for a cuckoldress?
And his his explanation was he had been a swinger for a period
of time with his ex-wife. But he realized that the joy
that he really got was in watching her not really
participating. And I'm like you in that I
didn't know a man like that existed.
I figured all men, if they have opportunity, especially like at
a swinger party or something like that, they're going to be
jumping on everything they can jump on.
Not true. Not every man is designed that
way. And and as it turns out, I I
don't know how you're. I've got the impression, I mean
a good portion of my followers are cuckold, cuckold males or
men that want to be. And it's probably 1000 to 1.
They're all clamoring to figure out how do I find a woman that
will cuckold me. And so women, this is something
that we want you to hear. These delightful men are out
there and they're and they're looking for you.
And they they are loyal, they are loving, they are attentive.
All the things that you always thought relationship should be.
I personally never found it till I was with a cuckold male.
And and you know, there's not a chance in the world that I would
ever leave him. I mean, why would I?
Why would I have, I have everything.
I have everything in the world and I gotta.
Add a new. Lover on deck on Friday, with
any luck here, So, and he's excited, he's gonna go skiing.
He doesn't even stay here. He's gonna go skiing.
He goes, I hope you're in bed with, you know, Joe Blow over
there, you know, when I get back from skiing.
So I said well that's what I hope too.
So anyway, it's fun, it's playful.
It's been tremendously satisfying at the communication.
I'm sure Venus has a lot to add in terms of the communication
that it requires at the tail end.
I think both of us can offer, you know, what we've learned in
terms of how do you broach the conversation, how do you
introduce, if this is an idea that's intriguing to you, how do
you sort of introduce it to your partner or somebody maybe that
you've just met? How do you go about that?
And I think that might be helpful for people, but I wanted
to share just for a second this the research that I recently
found and this is a big research study.
They it, they took queries, it was over a 10 year period and
they took anonymous web queries on Google, basically Google
questions, hundreds of thousands of Google questions.
And the result was showing that the words related to polyamory
and open relationships have significantly increased over
time. I've had a perception that
that's happening. I know Venus has had a
perception that that's happening, but this is the hard
research. It is in fact happening.
It's here to stay. But here's another interesting
aspect about that does not include swinging.
So women are not really interested in swinging so much
but Poly but CNN and possibly Cup Holdery if they learn a
little bit about it, might be right in their wheelhouse
because this is where all good things happen from my from my
opinion. So anyway it's it's it's been
really really an interesting journey and more and more
people, especially women, are looking for alternatives to
monogamy. And so that's why I thought this
conversation with Venus, who's been in this space for quite a
while, would be really valuable to talk to because she's a,
she's a real voice in this space.
So, and one of the quotes from this study was the more
empowered women become, the more you'll see women saying I'm done
with monogamy. I think we believe that to be
true. I mean, you believe that to be
true, Venus, I believe that to be.
True, I really do. I think that we'll see a real
change in the in how women consider a non monogamy to be
palatable. I mean I think that the more
that we talk about this in a relationship lens, the more
attractive it becomes to women. And I think that monogamy is or
non monogamy is not for everyone though there I think that
monogamy really does suit certain people and that is
totally OK. Not saying that everyone is
suited for a non monogamous relationship.
However, I do totally understand how when women are given the
opportunity and the permission to just ask for what they want,
they're going going to say what they want.
And that includes sexually. They want more than just one
person trying to give them everything, which is a real
challenge. So and it's never going to
happen. Never going to find that one
person is will give you literally everything.
Except for a cut. Actually, that's really true.
I mean, how many time have we heard that from psychologists
and therapists? You know your expectation that
you're going to find one person that's just going to fulfill
every possible need that you have.
It's not possible. And I'm here to tell you and
Venus is here to tell you that that's not true.
We have, we have found a unique space.
And I agree with you totally. It's not for everyone, but
interestingly, in this study it said that typically, you know,
we we make an assumption that men just want never ending
amounts of sex wherever they can get it and whoever will lay
still for them. It's not necessarily true, but
what they found in the research is that women lose interest in
sex in monogamous relationships sooner than men do, between one
and four years. Women are already needing some
variety. They're needing something
different. They want a different kind of
stimulation. Don't necessarily want to leave
their partner or or maybe not at all, but they they just want
something different. And this I found very
fascinating that it's much longer for men.
It said that men are, you know, their statistics are saying that
they're long term partners. It's 9 to 12 years for men
before they really get bored. So if you're in that
relationship slot that everybody's happy right now,
good on you go for it. But you might just be heads up
to at some point in the future, one or the other of you.
And according to the research here, it's going to be the woman
is going to want more sooner. And so how will you address
that? How will you address that?
Well, it's not very surprising. When you look at the orgasm gap,
guys are going off every fucking time and we're getting off like,
maybe what, 30% of the time. Yeah, if we're lucky.
If we're lucky. If we're lucky, yeah.
And. And they can get off with almost
nothing. Yeah.
It's. Pretty simple.
Show them your boobs and they'll have a you know they'll and I.
It's crazy, but women want variety, novelty, advantage,
ensure. That's what we want.
And I think one of the might be one of the holdups of why more
women haven't actually looked into this, is that A, they
didn't know it existed. B, they don't know how to go
about it, but B and then they might judge themselves, or
they're afraid that they're going to be judged for wanting
more when they might be married to a a loyal, nice man.
And those are all completely legitimate concerns.
I think they're workable if if you're interested in working.
What it requires I think is a just a profound honesty an
authenticity and and a willingness to be really
vulnerable and share with your partner that you love them
dearly and you would also like a little variety from time to time
and and see how it plays. You know some of us we want a
little variety like every day. We can't get it that often but
but but you know, isn't it nice to be with a partner that if you
you were lucky enough to find it every day you could and they'd
be just as happy as can be? My husband is never happier than
when I'm with somebody and just really enjoying myself And he
is. I've.
I've asked him about that. It's really a perfect example of
compersion. What gets him off is to see me
happy. He's thrilled he's thrilled to
see me thrilled and he and he knows that he doesn't.
We're we're like really comfortable with each other.
We've been together a long time. I love him with all my life.
But that thrill factor you know it does diminish over it.
It does for everyone, you know. And that's the the thing that a
new person can bring to the table and I think that it's it's
valid. It's valid, is that is that sort
of in your experience to Venus? Yeah.
So I think when I first started in this lifestyle, I really, I
jumped in head first. Like, there was no hesitation.
There was no, but why or like, I don't know that there was not no
questioning. And I was.
I literally felt a sense of relief that I had finally found
this kind of relationship that I felt like I wanted and needed
for so long. And so it was hard for me to
understand why women would be not feel the same.
It's it was hard for me to relate in that way.
But over the years, I've begun to understand that there are a
lot of different blocks that women have when it comes to
wanting this kind of relationship.
And it depends if it's single women, it depends on what stage
of life they're in. In the matchmaking program,
there's no women in their 20s. Actually, no.
There's one, but she's late 20s and so I think that women in
their 20s, they either don't know that this exists or they're
just not ready to ask for what they want in a relationship they
don't have the confidence to. I don't know.
Yeah, And so if they're single, I think it really depends on
that. But if you are coupled and your
husband or boyfriend brings this up, because let's face it,
that's usually how cuckolding relationships start off, is that
they, you know, it's a couple that's been together for
monogamous for a very long time, or even swinging or.
And then the husband brings it up.
Hey, I'd really like you to sleep with other people and
unfortunately that is the wrong approach.
Says that's the wrong approach. Or saying to a single woman, I
really want you to cuckold me is also the wrong approach.
And so if you use that kind of approach, you're going to get a,
you're going to get strange responses.
And funny enough, the most common response from women who
are married where their husband brings this up is they think
that it it is some backdoor way of him trying to get permission
to sleep with other women. And so they're very hesitant and
untrusting of that. Then that is a very, very common
first reaction. And but there's other things.
I mean, for a woman who is been in a monogamous relationship a
long time, she's very comfortable with her husband,
she's comfortable with the sex. She's comfortable with her
skills. She is, you know, all of that.
And then to think about Okay. Now I have to go and sleep with
other people who maybe we'll want something different
sexually and or these are complete strangers and I won't
feel safe or I'm going to catch STIs or how do I even find
somebody like there's just all of this kind of looming
pressure. Will my husband?
Yeah. Will my husband reject me if I
actually do this? You know, the idea might sound
exciting to him, but if I do it, is he going to then reject me?
Yeah, this this idea that it could be damaging to her
relationship. These are some some things that
we automatically think of. Like.
Yeah, he likes it right now. But what about when we're in a
argument and where he's really upset with me?
Is he going to weaponize this? You know, that kind of thing?
But yeah, that. But there's also like, what if
other people find out like slut shaming, all of that sort of
stuff. And so there's a lot of risk
there with women and they don't. We don't always say we don't
talk about those things. We just knee jerk reaction.
No, that's fucked up. I'm never doing that.
Don't ever bring it up again. Kind of a thing.
And it sucks because there needs to be that kind of open
communication, but an approach that encourages that.
Yeah. And if you have that kind of, if
you have that kind of communication with your partner
now, I think your chances of having a productive discussion
about this are very good. I mean there's a ton of
information out there. You know, go through and listen
to some of the Unisys, podcasts and and reader blog, you know, I
have 1:00. There's a lot of information out
there, people sharing their experience, that you can, you
know, listen to that with your partner and then discuss what
you hear. You know, how did that sound and
how did that feel to you? It is, it is not a solution for
a relationship that's struggling.
Yeah, it's not. Say that louder for the ones in
the back. Yeah, yes.
If if your relationship is struggling and your
communication leaves something to be desired, this is not for
you. You have to fix that part first.
If you get that part fixed, where you both can be open,
honest, authentic and vulnerable with each other, you have a very
good chance. Even if you don't pursue this as
a lifestyle, you have a very good chance to have a really
fruitful discussion about it that will help your relationship
evolve. I mean, at the end of the day,
that's how we, my husband and I both see this.
This has been a tremendous evolutionary growth for our
relationship and we just wouldn't have it any other way.
I mean, we'll be like this till we die because nothing else has
even come close in terms of the intimacy, the vulnerability, you
know, just the connection that it has built.
It's 1000 times more than anything I've ever had.
And I'm not young. I've had a few relationships in
my life. So that's the encouragement.
And that was all really good advice to Venus in a way to
approach that discussion so that you, you and your partner can
just remain open minded, just open minded to it and see what's
there for you. Well, to be specific, I think
for for men to approach their partner about this, they usually
make the same mistake, which is the I want you to sleep with
other men approach because in their mind they're fixated on
that part of cuckolding. But what they don't realize is
this is not just about his sexual fantasies or even hers.
This is about her exploring her sexual being and feeling and
going through that journey of sexual empowerment.
Really, that's what it's about. And so if he approaches her with
that kind of language, the sexual empowerment, the sexual
exploration, the ability to really build confidence in that
area or that arena, I think would be a really more
productive conversation when it comes to introducing cuckolding
to your partner. Because then it is really truly
more about her, which it it should be, it should be about
her. It's it shouldn't be just about
you getting your rocks off because you've been fantasizing
about this because you've been watching porn.
I mean, this is a relationship. This is and it.
Otherwise it's what is it voyeurism.
Like, you know, it's a relationship.
You can't have cuckolding without the relationship.
You can't. I mean, you could role play,
sure. But I mean, at the end of the
day, this is the relationship and it will affect your
relationship for the better. It will as long as you, you
know, communicate a lot. Like, I mean a lot.
A lot. You check in a lot you're going
to make. You're going to fuck up and make
mistakes. But you need to have a solid
foundation of love and trust and communication built already, so
that when you do stumble, you're not going to completely fall.
Yeah, great, great advice. That was great advice right
there. I think she really encapsulated
the the meat of that. And I think you're exactly
right, the men that make mistakes with this, because I
think more men still watch more porn than women.
Generally speaking, cuckolding is one of the most, the top, one
of the top rated search searches in porn.
So there's a clearly a lot of interest in it.
So men might you know they might discover it over there and then
we won't might get questions like how do I make my wife do
this really wrong approach Really really really really
wrong really wrong start start to frame this as wouldn't it be
lovely if my wife could fully be fully free and express herself
and. Ask her what she wants.
And and and I could support her in that and and if you have that
in mind before you ever open the conversation take that approach
like I would love for you to feel like you're free.
That you're you know empowered to make decisions for yourself.
I assure you that I won't persecute you or you know give
you a you know a back slap for doing this.
You know. But it it is a focus on the
female choice because that old saying you know when what is it
when mom is happy. Everybody's happy.
That is really true. If you're married and your wife
is unhappy, I promise you she's going to make you unhappy too.
Yes, we have an amazing ability to spread that.
If you know when things aren't working well, we can, We can
throw that out there. By the same token, when we have
a devoted man that is truly devoted and and genuinely
supports our freedom and our joy and our excitement and the
experience of desire which is so heady to me, that will bind you
to him. I mean, I I can't even.
I have not found the words to express how bound I am to my
husband because he's given me this freedom and really freely
given it and expecting absolutely nothing in return
that maybe you can watch once in a while or get involved in just
got away. But other than that it's my it's
my deal and I get to do it exactly how I want, when I want
with whomever I want. I mean is that not a cake and
eat it too situation. I mean, I don't know what you
how you could come closer in a relationship for women than
that. I mean, I yeah, I don't.
If it's out there, I don't know what it is.
Yeah, I think that it comes down to women sharing their stories
with other women for this to really gain traction with the
women, Because you're right, they're not out there watching
porn. They're they're not watching
cuck porn. They're certainly not.
Like, maybe they've, a few of them have seen it, but they are
not the ones doing the searches for cuckold porn.
They're just not. I think that the fantasy land of
cuckolding has has really, you know, taken this and run with it
in a. A Very.
Different direction, Honestly different but like it.
It's a unique direction and and and it no longer kind of like
resonates with the reality of it because the reality is so much
more intricate and it's so much more emotional and all of those
things are just difficult to be able to portray on a on a screen
in a film. So, but they, the women are not
out there looking for cuckold porn.
And when it comes to singles who are looking for a relationship,
this kind of relationship, that's why you have so many
single guys. I'm like, Oh my God, I want this
as part of my relationship because this turns me on so
much. And when they come into my
matchmaking program, they have this whole long list of things
that they must have in our in this kind of relationship.
I must have interracial, I must have a size queen.
I must have humiliation or teasing.
I must have FLR like they've got they know exactly what they
want, what turns them on, they know what they don't want.
All of that. The women, on the other hand,
they have not been watching this cuckold porn.
They don't know if they've had a previous relationship like this.
Then they want to. They want something similar.
That's all they know, right? They they're willing to learn
more. But they that's their starting
point, is what they had before. And then you have, surprisingly
enough, most of the single women in my matchmaking program have
no experience in this kind of relationship.
None. So they have just learned about
this dynamic and they're like, like how I was, Oh my God, this
suits who I am. This sounds perfect.
And so for those women, though, they don't have the years of
experience of watching cuckold porn, They don't know what turns
them on. They don't know what turns them
off. They look at this through the
lens of a relationship only and their lens of a relationship
that promotes their own sexual freedom and celebrates it.
And so you have two people single men and single women
arriving at the cuckolding dating door in from 2 completely
different directions and and and the men not realizing that the
women don't view it in the same way.
And so we have this real disconnect and that's why I
think it's a real turn off for the single women out there when
they're constantly bombarded with the fantasy aspect from the
men. Because we're just like, I want
to get to know you as a person. I want to date like you know,
like a real relationship. Like I need that first and then
we let's build on all the fun stuff.
But there seems to be this like avalanche of these are my my
fantasies, this is what I want. Everything like that from the
men. And so part of the matchmaking
service is a three-week educational program that the men
and women have to take. And so we can understand, hey
there is this disconnect. And hey, for the guys who
arrived with this big long list of I want this, I Want that,
you're going to have to put that aside and realize it really
depends on who you fall in love with.
Really. Band.
That's a quote load of great advice right there for everybody
that's listening. She really just put her thumb
right on it. The cuckold relationship, I
mean. And I think most women I've
professionally, I've dealt with women almost exclusively my
whole professional career. I spent 25 years as a financial
advisor with women, as I know women how they think.
I know what goes wrong in their relationships because I worked
with them on the divorce side. I know, I know what happens
there. And women, I think an awful lot
of women are like you and me. We just want loving, healthy,
connected relationships with people that respect us and don't
try and put us in a box. But she's exactly right, and I
hope you guys that are listening hear that part.
That cuckolding really isn't about the sex nearly as much as
it is about the relationship. The sex can happen a million
different ways. The commitment to this kind of
relationship is I want to be in a deeply, profoundly intimate
relationship with my partner, and this is an Ave. possibly to
lead us to that. I think a lot of women are
interested in that, but men, but men, you cannot approach it like
it's just some sex trick or you will turn them off and and you
and you'll lose them. It's like we're speaking two
different languages and you got to kind of figure that out and
be like, oh, OK, like let's switch this up a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. And you'll have A and you'll
have a lot better results. And then at the end of the day,
everybody is then happy. But yeah, you said a mouthful
there. I'm so glad you that you shared
that because I knew that you were getting some kind of
specific information from the people that are looking for
this. Obviously they've joined your
matchmaking site and they're saying help me execute this,
help me find out how to do this and and that's really great
information, the fact that they have to go through a three-week
program, God, well. Yes.
And I interview every single person.
So I spend an hour with each person in the program getting to
know them and what who they are and what they want.
So it really has given me some incredible insight into the men
and the women who are seeking this kind of relationship and
why and where they're coming from, like their background and
how they were, you know, what it interests them about it, all of
that sort of stuff. It's absolutely fascinating.
I believe it is the only program of its kind in the world that I
know of. So it's just so interesting to
be able to have all of this insight from from these members.
It's just it's like wow. And I believe the whole thing
about like the women are the ones who are searching for these
terms of non monogamy and stuff like that.
And I I totally believe that I did hear somewhere that for a
long time swinging was the most common searched term and now
it's actually been replaced by cuckolding.
And so the someone was saying like cuckolding is the new
swinging. And I'm like, I believe that,
'cause I feel like it's just exploding in the last few years.
Well, and it's very telling in this story, what they what they
quoted specifically was polyamory.
That should tell you a lot about what women 'cause this is.
This is what women are looking for.
They're looking for a relationship.
Your cut dynamic may or may not be polyflavored.
It doesn't matter. But they're not looking to just
swing swinging was not included in those search terms.
People are not looking for that. They're looking for a type of
relationship. And I think that the, you know,
that combined with the fact that cuckolding is now one of the
most searched terms, But this was very surprising to me that,
you know the polyamory and consensual non monogamy are
being researched extensively, not swinging.
It's very interesting to me. That's very interesting because
it. Is a switch.
It's a switch. Yeah, but it, like I said it is,
it's going to be women sharing their story with other women for
this to really gain traction. Because if you go online and and
search cuckolding, you're going to come up with all sorts of
crazy stuff. Because let's face it, 99% of
all of the cuckolding content online is produced by men and
made for men for male consumption.
So this is not for us and it is not made for us.
It's not, it's not with for women in mind.
And so yes, it turns on men a lot and is sure it might turn on
some women and stuff, but it this is not, this was not
created for the woman's reaction.
It just was not. And so the more content we have
online, like you were saying your blog and your podcast and
all of the other amazing incredible women articulate
women out there who are expressing this in a very kind
of real way, it's going to be that that brings women to a
place where they could say oh OK, that's that doesn't sound
all that weird. Like if you just talk about it
as A1 sided open relationship and that's it.
Like, never mind the. Like kinky stuff, like just A1
sided open relationship where he's monogamous to you and you
are not to him and you both love it that way.
Period. You talk about it like that in
simple terms and women can relate.
They're like, Oh well that sounds amazing.
Delicious. Yes, delicious.
Sign me up. I just want one of those.
If we have those conversations in a very normal way like that
and and you know, phrase it in a normal way like that, then I
think that that more women will be interested in it.
But it's also reaching those women is another difficult.
Thing And so that brings us to why Venus and I both podcast and
write and discuss because you know, this is for me, I, I it's
it's an act of service. I found such joy here.
I can't imagine sitting on this and not sharing it with you
know, I'm just starting now to talk to my friends.
Which is weird because, you know, in the early stages I felt
so guarded, like I didn't want any of our close friends to know
that we're doing this thing. And I'm coming out of that box
because I'm seeing that this in a many ways is going kind of
mainstream. But I don't.
I want to share the joy. I mean, if I think of all the
women that I coach through divorce, I'm trying to think
back. You know, I I couldn't possibly
put a number to it. But how many of those women
could have possibly stayed married?
I include myself in that group. If I would have had this kind of
an arrangement, I probably wouldn't have divorced before
because, you know, he could go do his thing and travel and be
gone a lot. And, you know, I do my thing and
you know, we just do life a different way.
But you know, the default for most people is to cheat and
divorce. So when you look at and when you
look at that, you know people get married with an expectation
of monogamous marriage, 50% of those fail and another 28%
cheap. So when you're in a, when you're
in a construct that has a 78% failure rate, is that a
construct that's worth pursuing? I mean do you want to bank your
whole future on that? And so those are some of the
questions that you can you can think about on your own and
possibly talk with your partner. And this is one other thing that
I I've shared on almost everything that I've that I've
written or potted on one of my I'm a huge fangirl of Estera
perel. I think she's just such a she's
just such an astute relationship expert.
But she said something. I heard her a couple years ago.
It was in one of her Ted talks. She said all men and all women
have two core conflicting needs. We all have the need for safety
and security in our relationships and we all have a
need for change and adventure. And how you reconcile those two
will determine the strength and or the happiness of your
relationship. And it's that quote that she had
is absolutely borne out in these statistics.
Women, you know, you, you initially go into the
relationship, you want to build your nest and so your your main
goal is safety and security and you get your nest all built and
everything's good. And then eventually for one or
the other, and it sounds like mostly for the women, it happens
first she this need for change and adventure starts to assert
itself. It's not like it wasn't there,
It's been there all along. But you know that first one to
four years, maybe just safety is the key thing.
Eventually that other need is going to assert itself.
And so for everyone listening out there, this is just an
option. It may not be for you but I
would encourage you in order not to cheat or not to divorce
consider that you have both of those needs and and start to you
know start to talk about some ways that you can address them.
You might come up with a whole new way and if you do I hope you
let us know because Venus and I would like to know we'll we'll
challenge you to find anything better than cuckoldry But hey
we're biased because we're already in the club but but
anyway I think that's that's I wish I would have had that
perspective all the years that I was in divorce finance because I
think it could have altered some of those outcomes when people
decide that the only way they can deal with their frustrations
is to divorce or cheat and the cheating usually you know leads
to divorce. So anyway, those are some of the
reasons. But any parting thoughts that
you have, Venus, what are you, what do you think?
What would you like people to most take away from this today
and the gift that you've given? And thank you for spending your
time. I I so appreciate you.
Oh yes, of course. I I'm so happy to be here.
Well, just to touch on what you just said about safety, I think
that that is key. We are never going to have a
world where women can ask for what they want unless they feel
safe to do so. And let's face it domestic
violence is is huge and for some women bringing up this subject
is dangerous. And so I think and also for
single women who who like myself, who put ourselves out
there and we speak openly about in you know fostering and
encouraging sexual empowerment and women.
We by doing so we automatically put a target on ourselves from
the hatred and vitriol from these male supremacists out
there who really despise women, who who take on this this kind
of empowerment. And so I think that we in order
to really have this as a as a as.
A an option for women. We need to provide a space that
is safe for women to want this and so, and I bring that up
because I find that safety is not something very often thought
about, talked about or considered in this lifestyle.
Which is really shitty because it's a big part of it.
Whether it be the safety of your relationship, your emotional,
emotional safety, your health and well-being, your that
physical safety, all of those kinds of things are necessary.
And so I think that we, while speaking about this kind of
relationship dynamic, do really need to foster that kind of
culture of safety within it for women to really feel comfortable
in this role of asking for what they want and getting what they
want. And and and I just.
I'm also saying that because for the listeners, for all of the
men out there, I do really want you to be aware that this is a
significant challenge for women. Still to this day, we still have
to worry about our safety a lot just by random stalkers and
people who just want to kill you because you're a woman and all
of these kinds of things. Just please be aware that this
is a thing. And I would love if more of the
men who really do love and want and appreciate this kind of
relationship to really stand up for the women out there who put
themselves out there and help them out when they're having
issues with safety. So that's why I'm saying that.
But for a take away for for people, when it comes to loving,
cuckolding relationships, I I just there's just one thing for
the single guys. Please just focus on a
relationship and not a sexual act And that's the key.
So in the matchmaking program these guys are not allowed to
talk about cuckolding in the first bit at all and that's so.
And they have the hardest time with that because they're like,
but I want to talk about it and even and the women want to talk
about it too. But unfortunately you have to
build a relationship first. That's the way that you have to
do the order in which you have to do it.
And so and for the couples out there who who are thinking about
the incorporating this or for the guys, the husbands who want
to bring it up to the wife, again focus on her.
This is about her. And if you do that, if you
invest in her and her confidence and her empowerment, then you
will get everything you've ever dreamed of.
But that's the that's the road you need to go down, is to focus
on her. Great, great advice, that is.
That was incredibly powerful. I am.
I'm glad you brought up the safety aspect, 'cause that is a
real thing. It's not a fantasy.
There's everybody's heard of the incel males out there and they
are true woman haters. And so we do.
We put ourselves on the line in an effort to try and help other
people find another way that they can have healthy and
satisfying relationships without all the drama and all the
trauma. But that safety issue is really
a big one. And also your main point of
understanding that this truly is about relationships.
It's a relationship style. It's a relationship dynamic.
It can include, you know, various sexual practices.
But that's not really the point. The point is freedom.
The point is empowerment. The point is respect the, you
know, consent, all of that stuff, all of that stuff.
If you provide a safe haven and a a safe place for your your
woman to feel that way, I'm telling you it'll come back to
you in spades. It will come back to you.
It'll come back to you in ways that you can't imagine.
Yeah and how many guys have I talked to who brought this up to
their wife and their wife tried it out loved it and and and you
know it's been a really sexy and fun and all this fantasy come
true stuff. But how many guys have said the
most unexpected amazing thing that has happened is witnessing
their wife really come into her own sexuality in this way, to
really that confidence, that ability to like just, you know,
ask for what she wants in a way that he's never seen before?
That is something that I think is rarely talked about in the
male fantasy world of cuckolding.
Really, it is. Yeah, Isn't it?
Isn't it so true? And I think the loyalty, you
know, I'm just trying to say, I'm trying to identify and it's
actually hard to put in words because it's so overwhelming in
some ways, the loyalty that I feel toward my husband and the
devotion that I feel right back toward him because he's so
freely given that to me. I mean that creates a bond
that's truly not breakable. It's I don't see there could be
any circumstance on earth that could ever bust us up because of
where we've gone. And it's because of this
dynamic. We would not be here.
We would not have this kind of relationship had it not been
built on a base of the idea of a cuckold relationship.
And so it's, I think it's a big deal.
I think it's important don't dismiss it.
Try it on mentally. You know read some things listen
to some podcasts. I think that matchmaking service
is brilliant. I predict that you're going to
be so busy that none of us will be able to talk to you anymore
because you'll be too busy. But I I'm so, I'm so grateful
for that because it is. I think it's badly needed and I
intend on referring everybody that I can find to you because I
know that you have the right ideas about what a loving
cuckold relationship truly is and all the benefits that both
parties get out of it. It isn't A1 sided thing, it's
only it's only one sided in one aspect, but the rest of it is
both sides all the way. Yeah, absolutely.
It's very much A2 Way St. and that's what people automatically
think. Oh, that's so unfair.
She gets to do all of that when he doesn't.
Why would you want that? When?
No, no, no, no, no. This kind of sexual fulfillment
and satisfaction, it definitely goes both ways.
Like it is. It's massive.
And I think there's this misunderstanding from a lot of
men that if they give their wife this gift of sexual exploration
with others, that she will lose respect for him.
Or, you know, she won't love him over time.
She won't love him. She won't feel connected with
him or what they don't realize. Yeah.
What they don't realize is what exactly you were just saying.
And that that kind of bond that you have is so strong because
you appreciate that he's given this to you.
You appreciate it so much because you know how much that
is worth And so trying to get that across to men so they don't
feel so insecure about about that step is important because
if you look online at porn and if you look at a lot of the porn
scripts and stuff, it is about disrespect.
It is about about degradation. And and I can understand how
they would think, Oh, well, you know, over time she would not
look at me like, like a partner anymore, you know, that kind of
thing. So there's a lot of work that
needs to be done. There's a long ways to go.
But I think that we're making good progress.
And I do think that it is going to come down to the women really
taking charge of this and taking control of it and saying, hey,
look, no, this is an amazing kind of relationship.
Let me share my story and with other women.
And so I think that's where we need to go.
Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more.
Thank you so, so, so, so much. I would have you tell people
where to find you, Venus, your website and your and your
matchmaking service so that they can go read your stuff and and
listen. Because you really have such
good, such good ideas and really in a very wholesome holistic way
which is priceless. Yeah, sure.
So venuscuckoldress.com is where you can find the podcast.
The podcast is on basically all of the podcast platforms.
So wherever you get your podcast from, you'll be able to find it.
The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast. And it is funny enough, my
little podcast about just cuckolding is like one of the
most popular in the world. Go figure.
So we want to talk about popularity of cuckolding.
I mean, that's all I talked about, yeah, there you go.
And and for the matchmaking service, it is
venusconnections.com and on that website there is a landing page
for women who are curious about learning about cuckolding.
So the the page is called What Women Need to Know.
And that is where men or anyone can send women.
Say, hey, you want to learn what this kind of relationship is all
all about, just go to that page. And it's just some videos.
I'm explaining it. I'm talking about them.
There's some resources for them to to look up.
You know what this is all about, the kind of thing.
So that's really important. So that's venusconnections.com.
You can also find me on Twitter. My handle is at Cuckoldrous V.
That you know, for guys that are just wondering how am I going to
learn how to talk about this correctly to my wife since
obviously I've been doing it the wrong way as she just pointed
out that page that she just mentioned for women, What a
great way she just took it off your hands, dudes.
Send them, send them over there. Let somebody who knows what the
heck she's talking about. Let her explain what women can
benefit from out of this. Because then it takes it takes
the onus off you. And but then you have a basis to
discuss that that's how you start.
That's how you start. So thank you.
I'm forever in your debt. Venus.
You guys can find me. I am at where am I?
I don't know. Where are you?
I am Beyond Monogamy is my podcast with Crystal and again
you can find that wherever you reach your podcast.
My website iscrystalwelch.com although you can find me on
medium too. I typically post there 1st and
that is I wish I knew. I think it's Crystal Welch 99,
but I'll clarify that if that's not right.
But anyway, those are some ways that you can reach out to us.
But she's got a boatload of great resources that will help
you at least learn about this and have a way to start
conversations and have a place for your partner to go to get
the right kind of coaching. It's just it's just golden.
And I'm so, I'm so appreciative that you spent a few minutes
with me. Thank you so much.
We're going to do this again. We're going to pick up some
other topic and we're going to keep rolling here one of these
days. But I really just appreciate you
making some time today for this. Thank you so much for having me.
Hugely, hugely valuable. So we're signing off guys.
Ping us if you have questions and that's it for now.
Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest
blog and podcast at C Welch Poly on Medium and find her on
Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are
always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the
show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
We appreciate it and we'll catch you in the next episode.