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Let's start with a sentence that
has probably appeared in almost 

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every writers draft at some 
point. 

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She was devastated. 
There it is. 

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Clean, direct, technically 
useful, and very often not quite

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enough. 
Now, the problem with she was 

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devastated isn't that it's 
wrong. 

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It might be absolutely accurate.
Your character may in fact be 

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devastated. 
She may be standing in the 

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kitchen holding the letter, the 
teacup, the phone, the divorce 

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papers, the funeral program, the
small ceramic badger her 

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grandmother left her in the 
will. 

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Whatever misery based object 
we've handed her, she may be 

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thoroughly devastated by it. 
But accuracy is not the same as 

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emotional power. 
When we write she was 

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devastated. 
We've given the reader the 

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conclusion. 
We've told them what the 

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emotional verdict is, but we may
not yet have given them the 

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experience. 
And that's the difference we're 

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talking about today. 
Because very often, when 

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emotional writing feels flat, 
overwrought, or oddly distant, 

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it's not because the writer 
doesn't understand what the 

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character is feeling. 
It's because the writer 

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understands it so well that 
they've skipped straight to 

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explaining it. 
The writer knows the character 

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is heartbroken, furious, 
ashamed, lonely, relieved, 

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terrified, overwhelmed. 
So they put that on the page. 

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And then they put it on the page
again. 

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And then, just in case the 
reader has wandered in from 

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another room halfway through the
scene and missed all the 

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emotional furniture, they 
explain it one more time and 

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listen. 
I say that with enormous 

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affection, because this is a 
deeply normal drafting habit. 

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When we care about a scene, we 
want the reader to care too. 

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When we know a moment matters, 
we don't want the reader to miss

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it. 
So we underline it. 

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Then we underline the 
underlining. 

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Then we add a small neon sign 
that says important feeling 

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here. 
But emotional impact doesn't 

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usually come from naming the 
feeling over and over. 

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It comes from giving the reader 
enough specific evidence that 

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they begin to feel it for 
themselves. 

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So in this episode, we're going 
to talk about how to write 

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emotion without explaining 
everything. 

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Not how to ban emotional words 
from your writing. 

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Not how to remove every sentence
that says he was angry or she 

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felt lonely, or they were 
afraid. 

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That's not the aim. 
I'm not here to whack your 

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manuscript with a wooden ruler 
every time the word sad appears.

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For one thing, I don't have the 
upper body strength. 

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For another, it would be bad 
advice. 

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Sometimes naming an emotion 
directly is exactly the right 

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choice. 
Sometimes a short, simple 

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emotional statement gives a beat
clarity. 

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Sometimes it creates rhythm. 
Sometimes it lands with real 

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force precisely because the 
writing has been restrained up 

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to that point. 
But there's a difference between

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using emotional naming 
deliberately and relying on it 

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because the scene itself hasn't 
yet created enough emotional 

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evidence. 
That's what we're going to 

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explore. 
By the end of this episode. 

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You'll understand the difference
between explained emotion and 

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experienced emotion. 
You'll know why emotional 

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explanation can flatten a scene.
You'll have a set of practical 

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tools for creating emotion 
through behaviour, body 

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language, thought patterns, 
sensory detail, dialogue, 

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avoidance, contradiction, 
setting, objects, silence, 

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action and subtext. 
And we'll look at before and 

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after examples because nothing 
says craft podcast like lovingly

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taking a sentence apart and 
putting it back together with 

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slightly better lighting. 
The big idea is this. 

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Your job is not to hide emotion 
from the reader. 

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Your job is to make emotion 
happen inside the reader. 

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That's the work. 
Let's define our terms. 

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Explained emotion is when the 
prose gives the reader the 

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emotional conclusion. 
She was sad, he was furious, she

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realised she was lonely. 
He felt ashamed of what he'd 

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done. 
They were overwhelmed with 

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grief. 
These lines tell us what the 

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character is feeling, and again,
there's nothing inherently 

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wicked about them. 
They can be useful. 

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They can Orient the reader. 
They can keep the prose moving. 

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The trouble begins when the 
scene relies on these labels 

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without giving the reader much 
else. 

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If the only evidence I have that
a character is furious is the 

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sentence he was furious, then I 
understand the information 

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intellectually, but I may not 
feel much. 

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It's a bit like reading a 
weather report that says there 

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was a terrible storm. 
Fine, I believe you. 

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But I'm not wet. 
I'm not hearing the windows 

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rattle. 
I'm not watching the garden 

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furniture make a desperate bid 
for freedom down the road. 

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Experienced emotion works 
differently. 

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Experienced emotion is created 
when the reader receives enough 

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specific evidence to infer 
what's happening emotionally. 

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That evidence might come from 
what the character does. 

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It might come from what they 
notice. 

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It might come from what they 
refuse to notice. 

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It might come from the words 
they can't say or the words they

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say. 
Instead, it might come from the 

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object they keep touching, the 
person they avoid looking at, 

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the laugh that comes out too 
brightly, the silence after a 

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question, the way their thoughts
begin to fragment, repeat, or 

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circle. 
Experienced emotion gives the 

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reader something to participate 
in. 

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Instead of saying she was 
lonely, the scene might show her

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setting out two mugs before 
remembering there is no one else

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in the house. 
Instead of saying he was 

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ashamed, the scene might show 
him straightening the already 

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straight picture frame because 
he can't meet his daughter's 

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eyes. 
Instead of saying she wanted 

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him, the scene might show her 
remembering every ordinary thing

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about him except the one thing 
she's trying not to remember, 

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the warmth of his hand at the 
small of her back. 

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The reader puts the pieces 
together, and because the reader

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has done some of the emotional 
work, the feeling belongs to 

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them too. 
That's why the take away for 

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this episode is give the reader 
evidence, not just the verdict. 

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So why does emotional 
explanation sometimes flatten 

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the scene? 
There are a few reasons. 

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First, it can give the reader 
the answer too early. 

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If you tell me in the first line
of a beat that a character is 

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devastated, you may have removed
the pleasure and pressure of 

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discovering that devastation 
through the scene. 

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It's a little like someone 
leaning over during a murder 

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mystery and whispering it's the 
vicar. 

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Even if the vicar is indeed up 
to something, part of the 

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pleasure is getting there. 
Emotion works in a similar way. 

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Readers often want to sense the 
feeling before it's named. 

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They want to feel it. 
Gathering. 

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Second emotional explanation can
repeat what the scene is already

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proving. 
If a character slams the door, 

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deletes the message, throws the 
flowers in the bin, and tells 

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her ex, you can keep the cat, 
but don't you dare pretend you 

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know what I gave up for you. 
We probably don't need the next 

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sentence to say she was angry. 
We know the line doesn't deepen 

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the moment, it just labels it. 
Third explanation can reduce 

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complex emotion to a single 
word. 

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Most strong emotional moments 
are not one clean feeling. 

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A character might be angry and 
embarrassed and relieved and 

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still in love. 
A character might be grieving 

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someone they also resented. 
A character might be ashamed of 

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wanting something they also 
believes they deserve. 

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When we reach too quickly for 
one label, we may flatten all 

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that complication. 4th over 
explanation can make the 

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narrator sound as if they're 
standing outside the scene, 

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interpreting it for us. 
Instead of feeling embedded in 

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the characters immediate 
experience, we feel as though 

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someone has paused the action to
explain what everything means. 

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This is especially important in 
close third person or first 

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person, where we often want the 
emotional experience to feel 

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immediate, partial, messy, and 
alive. 

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And finally, too much emotional 
explanation can prevent the 

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reader from participating. 
Readers are not empty buckets 

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waiting to be filled with 
feeling. 

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Readers are active, they infer, 
they connect, they notice 

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patterns. 
They enjoy putting two and two 

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together, especially when the 
writer trusts them to get to 4 

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without installing floodlights 
around the equation. 

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When we explain too much, we 
don't just clarify. 

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Sometimes we rob the reader of 
discovery, and discovery is one 

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of the places where emotion 
lives. 

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Let's be kind about this, 
because over explaining emotion 

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is not a sign that you're a bad 
writer. 

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It is usually a sign that you're
drafting. 

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Early drafts are where we often 
explain the scene to ourselves 

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before we know how to dramatise 
it for the reader. 

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You might write she felt 
abandoned, because that's the 

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truth you've discovered. 
Good. 

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Keep it for now. 
That sentence may be doing 

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useful work for you as the 
writer. 

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It's a signpost. 
It tells you what the scene 

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wants to create. 
Then, in revision, you can ask, 

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right, How would abandonment 
actually show up here? 

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Would she keep checking her 
phone? 

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Would she make too much food? 
Would she tell everyone she 

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prefers being on her own? 
Would she suddenly become 

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furious about something tiny 
because the bigger hurt is too 

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dangerous to touch? 
This is where the scene starts 

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to come alive. 
Writers often over explain 

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emotion because they're afraid 
the reader will miss the point. 

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That fear is understandable. 
You've spent months, maybe 

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years, with these characters. 
You know the history, you know 

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the wound. 
You know that when he refuses 

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the cup of tea, it's not about 
tea. 

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It's about the entire collapsed 
architecture of his childhood. 

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The reader does not know that 
yet, so the instinct is to help,

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possibly too much. 
Writers also over explain 

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because they don't yet trust the
reader's ability to infer. 

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But readers are very good at 
inference when we give them the 

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right evidence. 
They don't need everything 

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interpreted. 
They need enough to go on. 

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Another reason is that the scene
pressure may be underdeveloped. 

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If the character is just sitting
around feeling sad, the prose 

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may start explaining sadness 
because nothing is forcing the 

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feeling into action. 
But if the character has to pack

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up their dead father's house 
before the estate agent arrives 

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at 4, grief has somewhere to go.
It can move through objects, 

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choices, arguments, delays, 
avoidance, physical labour, 

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small discoveries. 
Emotion gets stronger when it 

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has to act under pressure. 
Writers may also over explain 

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because they know the 
character's emotional state, but

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not the character's active 
desire in the scene. 

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Emotion is not a substitute for 
scene purpose. 

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A character can be devastated, 
yes, but what do they want in 

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this moment? 
Do they want to get through 

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00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,280
dinner without crying? 
Do they want their sister to 

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apologise? 
Do they want to hide the letter?

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Do they want to be touched while
also being terrified of being 

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touched? 
Once we know what the character 

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wants, emotion can push against 
desire, and often writers over 

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explain because they haven't yet
discovered what the character 

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is. 
Avoiding, denying, hiding or 

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trying not to feel. 
Characters are rarely 

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emotionally tidy, thank 
goodness. 

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Otherwise fiction would be a 
very short and well organised 

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pamphlet. 
People often reveal emotion by 

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resisting it. 
They joke when they're 

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frightened, they tidy when 
they're grieving. 

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They criticize when they're 
ashamed. 

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They talk about the weather when
they want to say please don't 

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leave. 
That resistance is gold. 

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Because when a character tries 
not to feel something, the 

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reader often feels it more. 
So let's get practical. 

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If we're not relying only on 
emotional labels, what do we use

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instead? 
We use evidence. 

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Not random decoration. 
Not a tray of gestures tipped 

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into the scene like craft 
confetti. 

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Specific evidence. 
Evidence that comes from the 

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character, the situation, the 
relationship, and the pressure 

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of the moment. 
Behaviour is one of the 

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strongest ways to create emotion
because it shows feeling in 

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motion. 
What does the character do not? 

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What do they feel in the 
abstract, but what action does 

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that feeling produce? 
A grieving character might wash 

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00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,040
the same plate three times. 
An angry character might become 

236
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,520
suddenly terrifyingly polite. 
A lonely character might leave 

237
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,160
the radio on in every room. 
A frightened character might 

238
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,080
check the lock, walk away, then 
return to check it again. 

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00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,160
The key is specificity. 
Generic gestures tend to feel 

240
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,000
thin. 
Clenched fists, racing hearts, 

241
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,640
tears pricking the eyes, a lump 
in the throat. 

242
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,520
These things happen in real 
life. 

243
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,600
Of course. 
Cliches are often cliches 

244
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,920
because they contain some truth.
The trouble is that they've been

245
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,800
used so often they can become 
invisible. 

246
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,360
So instead of reaching for the 
first physical gesture that 

247
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,960
comes to mind, ask what would 
this particular character do in 

248
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,120
this particular situation? 
A restrained character may not 

249
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,400
throw the glass. 
He may set it down very 

250
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,640
carefully. 
A people pleaser may not shout. 

251
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,600
She may offer to make coffee 
while mentally composing 17 

252
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,800
different versions of the 
argument she'll never have. 

253
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,160
A proud character may not cry at
the funeral. 

254
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,280
He may refuse help carrying the 
flowers even though his hands 

255
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,480
are shaking. 
Behaviour turns emotion into 

256
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,760
evidence. 
Body language and physical 

257
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,560
response can be powerful, but 
this is where many writers 

258
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,560
accidentally create what I call 
the anatomy parade. 

259
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,680
The heart pounds, the stomach 
drops, the palm sweat, the 

260
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,040
throat tightens, the knees 
weaken. 

261
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,320
Before long, the poor character 
sounds less like they're having 

262
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,200
an emotion and more like they're
being assembled from spare 

263
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,760
parts. 
Physical response works best 

264
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,520
when it is specific, contextual,
and sometimes contradictory. 

265
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,120
Fear doesn't always make someone
tremble. 

266
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,760
Sometimes fear makes them very 
still. 

267
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,200
Anger doesn't always make 
someone loud. 

268
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,720
Sometimes anger makes them quiet
enough to frighten everyone in 

269
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,840
the room. 
Desire doesn't always make 

270
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,680
someone move closer. 
Sometimes it makes them step 

271
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,680
back, think about the body as a 
place where the character's 

272
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,600
public self and private feeling 
collide. 

273
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,200
Maybe she smiles so hard her jaw
aches. 

274
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,960
Maybe he keeps his hands in his 
pockets because he doesn't trust

275
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,800
them. 
Maybe she sits on the edge of 

276
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,480
the chair, as if the room hasn't
given her permission to stay. 

277
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,480
The body can tell the truth the 
character is trying to manage. 

278
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,720
Emotion changes the shape of 
thought. 

279
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,000
This is especially useful in 
close third person and first 

280
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,520
person. 
Fear often fragments thought. 

281
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,280
It jumps ahead. 
It narrows possibilities. 

282
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,880
It becomes repetitive. 
Not the alley, not now, not 

283
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,400
again. 
Grief may circle. 

284
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,440
It may return to the same 
ordinary detail because the mind

285
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,680
cannot take in the whole loss. 
His shoes were still by the 

286
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,360
door. 
Brown laces, one frayed end. 

287
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,800
She had meant to replace them. 
Shame may deflect. 

288
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,240
It may look for excuses, 
technicalities, someone else to 

289
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,520
blame, anything to avoid the 
centre of the wound. 

290
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,520
Anger may sharpen. 
It may become precise and 

291
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,840
prosecutorial. 
It notices flaws. 

292
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,520
It builds a case. 
Loneliness may drift. 

293
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,240
It may linger too long on other 
people's noise, light, warmth, 

294
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,400
routines. 
When you're revising an 

295
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,840
emotional scene, don't just ask 
what the character thinks, Ask 

296
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,920
how the emotion changes the 
pattern of thinking. 

297
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,520
Are the sentences shorter? 
Do they repeat? 

298
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,160
Do they become more analytical? 
Do they avoid the obvious thing?

299
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:46,280
Do they fixate on one detail? 
The mind has body language too. 

300
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,760
Emotion changes what a character
notices. 

301
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,360
This is one of the most useful 
tools in the box. 

302
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,280
A lonely character might notice 
the second chair at the cafe 

303
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,640
table, the couple arguing softly
over the bill, the neighbor 

304
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,240
laughing through the wall, the 
untouched side of the bed. 

305
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,960
A grieving character might 
fixate on ordinary objects that 

306
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,000
suddenly feel unbearable. 
A toothbrush, a shopping list, a

307
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,560
receipt for milk, the dent in a 
pillow. 

308
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,040
The trick is not to describe 
everything. 

309
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,960
The trick is to choose the 
detail the emotion would select.

310
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,360
If a character has just been 
rejected, they may not notice 

311
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,200
the beautiful sunset. 
Or they might notice it and hate

312
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,200
it for carrying on. 
If a character is anxious, they 

313
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,800
may become hypersensitive to 
sound. 

314
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,480
The lift cables, the phone buzz,
the scrape of someone's chair, 

315
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,080
the pause before an answer. 
Sensory detail is not there to 

316
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,600
decorate the scene. 
It shows us how the characters 

317
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,440
emotional state is organising 
the world. 

318
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,760
Emotion often appears most 
powerfully in dialogue when 

319
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,880
characters do not say the 
emotional truth directly. 

320
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,760
Real people are famously 
inconvenient in this regard. 

321
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,360
They rarely walk into a room and
say I'm currently experiencing 

322
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,200
abandonment pain due to 
unresolved childhood wounds and 

323
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,080
your late arrival has activated 
my deepest fear, which is a 

324
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,600
shame really, it would save 
everyone a lot of time. 

325
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,720
Instead they say you said 7 or 
don't worry, I ate already or I 

326
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,000
didn't realise you were still 
coming. 

327
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,440
The surface line is practical. 
The emotional truth sits 

328
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,560
underneath. 
Let's say a character wants to 

329
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,960
say I missed you. 
They might say there's soup in 

330
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,000
the fridge. 
Let's say they want to say 

331
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,040
please don't go. 
They might say you'll need an 

332
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,760
umbrella. 
Let's say they want to say you 

333
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,320
hurt me. 
They might say I'm glad you 

334
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,640
found someone who makes you 
happy. 

335
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,040
Dialogue becomes emotionally 
rich when the reader can sense 

336
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,360
the gap between what is said and
what is meant. 

337
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,160
Characters often reveal emotion 
by trying not to reveal it. 

338
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,360
A character who says I'm fine 
while alphabetizing the spice 

339
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,280
rack at midnight may be more 
emotionally compelling than a 

340
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,040
character who announces I am 
broken beyond repair. 

341
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,160
Avoidance creates tension 
because the reader can feel the 

342
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,640
pressure underneath the 
performance. 

343
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,280
Contradiction is especially 
useful. 

344
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,240
A character says they don't 
care, then keeps asking 

345
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,360
questions. 
A character says they're not 

346
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,560
frightened, then chooses the 
chair with it's back to the 

347
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,520
wall. 
A character says they've moved 

348
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,560
on, then recognises the sound of
someone's footsteps after 10 

349
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,080
years. 
Contradiction makes emotion feel

350
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,120
human. 
It also helps you avoid writing 

351
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,800
emotional states. 
As one note, most of us are 

352
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,800
walking contradictions on legs. 
Fiction should take advantage of

353
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,080
that. 
Settings and objects can hold 

354
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,920
emotional charge. 
A room can become unbearable 

355
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,200
because of who is missing from 
it. 

356
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,320
A coat can carry the shape of a 
body. 

357
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,520
An unopened letter can become 
louder than any argument. 

358
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,000
A chipped mug can hold a whole 
marriage. 

359
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,720
But the object has to be 
specific and active in the 

360
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:33,080
scene, not just she looked at 
the photograph and felt sad. 

361
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,280
What photograph? 
Where is it? 

362
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,440
What does she do with it? 
Does she turn it face down, then

363
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,040
turn it back again? 
Does she notice that the frame 

364
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,680
is dusty except for the place 
where someone's thumb has been 

365
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,000
rubbing the glass? 
Does she put it in the drawer, 

366
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,160
then take it out because the 
drawer feels worse? 

367
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,960
Objects are useful because they 
give emotions somewhere to 

368
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,160
gather. 
They make the invisible visible.

369
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,680
Silence is not empty. 
In fiction, silence can be 

370
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,440
packed with pressure. 
A pause after a question can 

371
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,320
tell us more than a page of 
explanation, provided the reader

372
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,560
understands what is at stake. 
He asked if she had read the 

373
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,599
letter. 
She folded the tea towel once, 

374
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,760
twice. 
What letter that silence is 

375
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,119
doing work? 
Unfinished sentences can also 

376
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,680
hold emotion. 
I thought you'd what Nothing. 

377
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,000
The danger with silence is 
vagueness. 

378
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,079
Silence only works when the 
scene has created enough context

379
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,680
for the reader to understand 
what the silence costs. 

380
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,680
If we don't know what the 
character wants, what they're 

381
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,400
hiding, or what the relationship
means, silence may just feel 

382
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,200
like an empty gap. 
But when the pressure is clear, 

383
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,560
silence can be devastating in 
the best possible literary 

384
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:42,440
sense, not in the I accidentally
deleted chapter 19 sense. 

385
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,600
Emotion becomes much more 
powerful when the character has 

386
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,120
to do something while feeling 
it. 

387
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,040
A character grieving in bed can 
be moving, certainly, but a 

388
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,200
character grieving while 
clearing out a hospital room, 

389
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,240
signing paperwork, choosing 
which of their partners clothes 

390
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,200
to keep, or pretending to be 
fine at a child's birthday party

391
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,720
has immediate scene pressure. 
Action forces emotion into 

392
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,720
choice. 
Does she answer the phone? 

393
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,560
Does he tell the truth? 
Does she leave the party? 

394
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,880
Does he open the letter? 
Does she kiss him? 

395
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,880
Does he pretend not to want her 
to? 

396
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,200
When a character has to act, 
emotion becomes dramatic. 

397
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,120
It affects decisions, it creates
consequences. 

398
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,920
It changes the scene. 
So if an emotional passage feels

399
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,360
flat, ask what does the 
character have to do right now? 

400
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,040
Not in life, generally. 
In this scene, what are they 

401
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,760
trying to get through? 
What are they trying to hide? 

402
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,680
What choice is becoming harder? 
Emotion gets sharper when it has

403
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,160
a job. 
Subtext is often misunderstood 

404
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,760
as make everything vague and 
hope the reader feels 

405
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,840
sophisticated. 
Please don't. 

406
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,640
Subtext is not vagueness. 
Subtext is when the surface 

407
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,320
action or conversation carries A
deeper emotional meaning. 2 

408
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,160
characters arguing about washing
up may really be arguing about 

409
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,320
respect. 
A character asking Are you cold?

410
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,840
May really be asking can I take 
care of you? 

411
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,600
A character saying you should go
may really be saying, please 

412
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,400
make it impossible for me to ask
you to stay. 

413
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,280
The surface needs to be clear. 
The underneath needs to be felt.

414
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,320
Good subtext depends on context,
pressure, and desire. 

415
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,280
What does the character want to 
say? 

416
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,880
Why can't they say it? 
What do they say instead? 

417
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,440
That little triangle creates 
emotional electricity. 

418
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,960
And yes, sometimes it also 
creates a scene where two people

419
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,320
discuss a broken kettle with the
intensity of a Greek tragedy, 

420
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,600
which, frankly, is one of 
fiction's great pleasures. 

421
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,800
Let's look at some examples. 
Example 1. 

422
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,280
Grief over Explained Version 
Mara was overwhelmed with grief 

423
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,840
when she walked into her 
father's flat. 

424
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,960
Everywhere she looked reminded 
her of him, and she felt 

425
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,920
devastated by the fact that he 
was gone forever. 

426
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,440
Revised Version Mara let herself
into the flat and stood with the

427
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,200
key still turned in the lock. 
The hallway smelled of furniture

428
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,880
Polish and the peppermint sweets
he kept in the blue bowl by the 

429
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,000
phone. 
His walking stick leaned against

430
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,560
the radiator exactly where he 
had left it, the rubber tip worn

431
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,200
to one side. 
She took off her coat because 

432
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,000
that was what she always did 
when she came in. 

433
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,640
Then she put it back on in the 
kitchen, his mug sat beside the 

434
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,160
sink with a Half Moon of tea 
dried at the bottom. 

435
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,400
Mara ran the tap, picked up the 
sponge, and stopped. 

436
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,440
He would have tutted at that, 
leaving a mug like that. 

437
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,400
She sat at the table and pressed
both hands flat against the 

438
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,920
oilcloth until the pattern 
blurred. 

439
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,160
Why this works better. 
The revised version doesn't need

440
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,200
to say. 
Mara was overwhelmed with grief.

441
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,840
Because the scene gives us 
evidence. 

442
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,280
The key in the lock, the smell 
of peppermint, The Walking 

443
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,480
stick, the mug, the strange 
little action with the coat. 

444
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,200
These details let the reader 
experience the absence. 

445
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,520
The grief is not explained from 
outside. 

446
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,440
It's built through what Maura 
notices, what she does 

447
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,720
automatically, and where she 
finally stops. 

448
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,680
Example 2. 
Anger over explained version. 

449
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,480
Jonah was furious that his 
brother had lied to him again. 

450
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,240
He felt betrayed and angry, and 
he knew he would never be able 

451
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,640
to trust him. 
After this revised version, 

452
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,360
Jonah read the message twice. 
Then he placed the phone on the 

453
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,560
table, screened down, aligning 
it's edge with the grain of the 

454
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,040
wood. 
Across from him, Caleb kept 

455
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,440
talking, something about 
traffic, something about how 

456
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,200
impossible parking was near the 
hospital. 

457
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,520
Jonah nodded. 
He moved the salt cellar half an

458
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,920
inch to the left. 
Caleb's voice thinned. 

459
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,280
You're being weird. 
No, Jonah said. 

460
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,040
I'm listening. 
He looked up then, and Caleb 

461
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,000
stopped talking all together. 
Why? 

462
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,480
This works better. 
This version avoids the obvious 

463
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,280
shouting and slammed fist 
version of anger. 

464
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,480
Jonah's fury appears through 
control. 

465
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,440
The phone goes screen down, the 
objects get arranged. 

466
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,040
His politeness becomes 
threatening. 

467
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,080
The reader feels the anger 
because the behaviour is precise

468
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,560
and slightly unnerving. 
We also get relationship 

469
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,480
pressure. 
Caleb knows something is wrong 

470
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,480
before Jonah says it. 
Example 3. 

471
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,120
Loneliness over explained 
version. 

472
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,200
After the divorce, Priya felt 
terribly lonely. 

473
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,480
The house seemed empty without 
Dan and she realized how much 

474
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,840
she missed having someone there.
With her revised version, Priya 

475
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,440
cooked too much pasta again. 
She stood over the pan, wooden 

476
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,080
spoon in hand, watching the 
water foam towards the rim. 

477
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,200
Enough for two, enough for 
leftovers, Enough, apparently, 

478
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,920
for the small village she did 
not live in. 

479
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,160
She drained it anyway, and 
tipped half into a container. 

480
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,440
The lid didn't fit. 
Dan had always known which lid 

481
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,360
went with which container, a 
talent Priya had once considered

482
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,800
deeply unattractive. 
She ain't standing at the 

483
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,960
counter with the radio, one in 
the sitting room and the 

484
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,600
television murmuring upstairs. 
At 9, the neighbour's front door

485
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,360
opened. 
Laughter spilled into the 

486
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,440
hallway beyond the wall. 
Priya turned the radio up before

487
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,840
she could hear whose voice it 
was. 

488
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,920
Why this works better? 
The loneliness is created 

489
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,040
through routine, absence and 
sound. 

490
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,960
The pastor is doing emotional 
work. 

491
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,560
So is the wrong container lid. 
So are the radio, the television

492
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,640
and the neighbors. 
Laughter. 

493
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,880
We don't need the line. 
Priya felt lonely because the 

494
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,440
scene lets us feel the house 
trying and failing to be full. 

495
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,040
Example 4. 
Shame over explained version. 

496
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,960
Elliot felt deeply ashamed when 
his daughter asked why he had 

497
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:03,040
missed her concert. 
He knew he had let her down, and

498
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,000
he hated himself for being such 
a bad father. 

499
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,760
Revised version. 
Did you forget? 

500
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,520
Lily asked. 
Elliot looked at the program on 

501
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,320
the kitchen table. 
Blue paper, a silver star 

502
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,240
sticker in the corner, her name 
printed halfway down the second 

503
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,040
page. 
I got held up. 

504
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,600
He said you said you'd come. 
The dishwasher clicked through 

505
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,000
it's cycle. 
Elliot opened it, though it 

506
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,400
hadn't finished, and steam 
lifted into his face. 

507
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,000
Careful. 
Lily said automatically. 

508
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,920
He took out a plate too hot to 
hold and set it on the counter. 

509
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,720
I'll make it up to you. 
She gave a small shrug. 

510
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,920
Not angry, Worse than angry. 
Elliot reached for another plate

511
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,640
because the first one had burned
his fingers and he deserved that

512
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,640
at least. 
Why this works better. 

513
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,600
The shame is not delivered as a 
label. 

514
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,720
It appears through deflection, 
domestic action, and self 

515
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,320
punishment. 
Elliot opens the dishwasher 

516
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:52,840
because he needs something to 
do. 

517
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,240
The hot plate becomes a small 
physical consequence. 

518
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:59,400
He accepts Lily's not angry. 
Worse than angry gives us the 

519
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,880
emotional pressure without over 
explaining the whole history. 

520
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,640
Example 5. 
Desire or longing. 

521
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,160
Over explained version Clara 
longed for Theo, though she knew

522
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,560
she shouldn't. 
She felt a powerful desire for 

523
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,240
him and was overwhelmed by how 
badly she wanted to touch him. 

524
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,520
Revised Version Theo reached 
past her for the book on the top

525
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,520
shelf. 
He was close enough that Clara 

526
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,360
could see the tiny thread caught
on his cuff, close enough to 

527
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,840
smell rain in the wool of his 
coat. 

528
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,840
She stepped back, the shelf 
pressed into her shoulder 

529
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,840
blades. 
Sorry, he said it's fine. 

530
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,920
He handed her the book, though 
she had not asked for it. 

531
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,200
Their fingers did not touch. 
She made sure of that later, 

532
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,840
after he had gone, Clara found 
the thread on the floorboards by

533
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,200
her shoe. 
She picked it up and held it for

534
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,520
one ridiculous second before 
dropping it into the bin. 

535
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,200
Then, because apparently she had
lost all dignity and most of her

536
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,640
sense, she took it out again. 
Why? 

537
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,240
This works better. 
Longing often works beautifully 

538
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,880
through restraint. 
Clara does not announce desire. 

539
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:59,200
She manages proximity, avoids 
touch, notices tiny details, and

540
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,120
becomes absurdly attached to a 
loose thread. 

541
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,360
The scene lets us feel both 
wanting and self reproach. 

542
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,360
That combination is much richer 
than simply saying she desired 

543
00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:08,800
him. 
Example 6. 

544
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:13,160
Fear or anxiety over explained 
version Nadia was terrified 

545
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,400
about the interview. 
She felt anxious and convinced 

546
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,960
herself that everything would go
wrong. 

547
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,160
Revised Version. 
Nadia arrived 26 minutes early, 

548
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,240
too early to go in, too late to 
go home and change the shoes, 

549
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,720
which were suddenly wrong, too 
shiny, too loud on the pavement,

550
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,280
too much like the shoes of 
someone who believed in herself.

551
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,760
She walked once around the 
block, then again slower. 

552
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,360
At the entrance. 
She checked her reflection in 

553
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:39,240
the black glass of the door and 
saw only a pale Oval, a mouth, 

554
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,560
the collar of her blouse sitting
crooked inside. 

555
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,680
Someone laughed. 
Not at her, obviously not at 

556
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,200
her. 
They couldn't even see her. 

557
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,360
She wiped her hands on her 
skirt, pulled the door open, and

558
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:53,080
forgot for one blank second the 
name of the person she was 

559
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,640
supposed to ask for. 
Why this works better? 

560
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:57,920
The revised version gives 
anxiety a pattern. 

561
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,240
Time becomes distorted, the 
shoes become wrong, thoughts 

562
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,040
correct themselves and then 
panic anyway. 

563
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,800
The body responds, but not in 
generic shorthand. 

564
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,160
The final moment for getting the
name puts the anxiety under 

565
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,120
immediate pressure. 
Now let's be properly nuanced, 

566
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,840
because direct emotional naming 
is not the enemy. 

567
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,840
Sometimes it works beautifully. 
It can work when the emotion is 

568
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,200
not the main point of the beat. 
If your character is irritated 

569
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,080
because the train is late and 
the real scene is about the 

570
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,760
stranger they meet on the 
platform, you may not need to 

571
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,480
dramatise irritation through 4 
paragraphs of ticket barriers 

572
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,240
and passive aggressive sighing 
she was irritated may do the 

573
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,800
job. 
Direct naming can also work when

574
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,440
clarity matters more than 
subtlety. 

575
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,320
Sometimes the reader needs to 
know where we are emotionally so

576
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,800
the scene can move. 
It can work when the named 

577
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,240
emotion arrives after enough 
evidence has already been 

578
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,920
established. 
For example, if we've watched a 

579
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,400
character avoid the hospital 
room, fold and refold A scarf 

580
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,960
and ask 3 unrelated questions 
about parking, then a simple 

581
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,760
line like he was afraid might 
land with force. 

582
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,760
The line doesn't replace the 
evidence, it gathers it. 

583
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Direct naming can also work when
the simplicity of the line 

584
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,760
creates impact. 
After a complex scene, a plain 

585
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,480
sentence can be devastating. 
She missed him, he was afraid. 

586
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,880
I wanted to stay. 
Those lines can work because 

587
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,240
they are not trying to do all 
the emotional labour alone. 

588
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,400
They arrive after the scene has 
earned them. 

589
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,520
Naming can also be useful in a 
moment of self recognition. 

590
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,280
A character may spend a whole 
scene behaving badly, 

591
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,720
deflecting, criticizing, fussing
with details, and then finally 

592
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,760
realise it wasn't anger, it was 
fear. 

593
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,720
That kind of naming can be 
powerful because the character 

594
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,360
has discovered something. 
It can also be useful when 

595
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:42,360
narration needs to move quickly.
Not every emotional beat 

596
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,920
deserves a full dramatic 
unfolding. 

597
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,080
Sometimes we summarise because 
the story needs to get from one 

598
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,040
important moment to another, and
direct naming becomes more 

599
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,400
interesting when the surrounding
evidence complicates or 

600
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,240
contradicts it. 
She was relieved is one thing. 

601
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,720
She was relieved, which was why 
she could not understand why she

602
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,280
kept checking. 
The window is another. 

603
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,080
The labels opens a question 
instead of closing 1. 

604
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,720
So when does direct naming 
become heavy-handed? 

605
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,880
It tends to become heavy-handed 
when the same emotion is named 

606
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,400
repeatedly. 
It becomes heavy-handed when the

607
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,600
prose explains what the reader 
already understands. 

608
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,840
It becomes heavy-handed when the
label replaces behaviour, 

609
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,920
pressure, or choice. 
And it becomes heavy-handed when

610
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,440
the narration tells the reader 
how to interpret the scene 

611
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,280
before the scene has earned that
interpretation. 

612
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,680
So here's the practical test. 
If you remove the emotional 

613
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,920
label, can the reader still in 
further feeling? 

614
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,440
If yes, you may not need the 
label. 

615
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,800
If no, the answer may not be to 
put the label back. 

616
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,680
The answer may be to strengthen 
the evidence. 

617
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,520
Give the reader evidence, not 
just the verdict. 

618
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,880
Here's a simple exercise you can
use on one of your own scenes. 

619
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,360
Choose a scene where the emotion
matters, not necessarily the 

620
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,440
biggest scene in the book. 
In fact, it may be easier to 

621
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,840
start with a smaller 1A 
disagreement, a goodbye, a 

622
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,800
moment of rejection, a moment 
where someone wants something 

623
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,560
and cannot quite ask for it. 
Then work through these steps. 

624
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,600
One highlight every named 
emotion. 

625
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,480
Look for words like angry, sad, 
ashamed, lonely, relieved, 

626
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:13,560
heartbroken, guilty, nervous, 
overwhelmed, frightened, 

627
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:17,600
disappointed, devastated. 
Also look for phrases like she 

628
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,480
realised, she felt or he was 
filled with or they were 

629
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,720
overcome by. 
Again, these are not crimes, 

630
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,920
they are clues. 2 Ask what 
evidence the scene gives the 

631
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,000
reader. 
If the scene says the character 

632
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,080
is angry, where do we see anger 
in action? 

633
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,840
If it says they are lonely, what
are they noticing? 

634
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,680
If it says they are ashamed, 
what are they avoiding? 

635
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,880
If it says they are afraid, what
choice becomes harder? 

636
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,920
Three. 
Choose one or two emotional 

637
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,680
labels to keep. 
If they are useful, you do not 

638
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,040
have to remove them all. 
Keep the ones that create 

639
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,840
clarity, rhythm, impact or self 
recognition. 

640
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,880
Cut or revise the ones that 
repeat what the reader already 

641
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,320
knows. 4 Replace some labels 
with behaviour, sensory detail, 

642
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,880
dialogue, object choice, or 
contradiction. 

643
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,440
Instead of she was lonely, try 
showing what she does in the 

644
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,800
empty house. 
Instead of He was ashamed, show 

645
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,080
what he cannot look at. 
Instead of they were furious, 

646
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,160
show how their politeness 
changes 5. 

647
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,680
Identify what the character 
wants in the scene. 

648
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,720
Emotion gets stronger when it 
pushes against desire. 

649
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,760
What does the character want 
right now? 

650
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:29,040
An apology, escape, control, 
comfort, the truth for the other

651
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:33,640
person not to notice 6 Identify 
what the character does not want

652
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,600
to feel. 
This is often where the good 

653
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,080
stuff lives. 
They may not want to feel needy.

654
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:39,720
They may not want to feel 
jealous. 

655
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,640
They may not want to feel grief,
desire, fear, tenderness, hope. 

656
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,680
The avoided emotion often leaks 
out in behaviour 7 Revise the 

657
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,480
scene so the emotion emerges 
through pressure and change. 

658
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,560
Something should shift. 
The character may not get what 

659
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,960
they want. 
They may get it and discover it 

660
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,200
doesn't help. 
They may fail to hide the 

661
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,720
feeling, they may hide it 
successfully, but at a cost the 

662
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,280
reader can feel. 
Let's do a tiny example. 

663
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,400
Original version. 
Sam felt guilty for missing his 

664
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,840
mother's call. 
He knew she needed him, and he 

665
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,440
hated that he had ignored her. 
Now the emotional label is 

666
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,120
guilt. 
Useful signpost. 

667
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,440
But what's the evidence a 
revised version might be? 

668
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,320
Sam listened to the voicemail in
the supermarket car park. 

669
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,120
His mother's voice was bright, 
too bright. 

670
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,800
The voice she used when she 
wanted him to know she wasn't 

671
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,880
asking for anything. 
Only me. 

672
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,920
No need to ring back. 
He stared at the trolley return 

673
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,200
Bay, where one trolley had been 
shoved in at an angle, blocking 

674
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,240
all the others. 
No need to ring back. 

675
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,840
The milk warmed in the boot. 
His phone stayed in his hand 

676
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,040
until the screen went dark. 
Notice that we haven't said 

677
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,040
guilty, but we've created 
evidence. 

678
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,080
The mother's voice, the phrase 
no need to ring back. 

679
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,160
The blocked trolley. 
The phone in his hand, the milk 

680
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,440
warming in the boot. 
The guilt is now happening in 

681
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,360
the reader, not just being 
announced to them. 

682
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,040
So let's bring this together. 
Strong emotional writing is not 

683
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,160
about hiding emotion. 
It's not about being coy, vague 

684
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,200
or so subtle that the reader 
needs a torch, a map and a 

685
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,200
postgraduate qualification in 
subtext. 

686
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,880
It's about giving the reader the
right evidence. 

687
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,520
When you name the emotion too 
early or too often, you may give

688
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,560
the reader the verdict before 
they felt the case. 

689
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,680
But when you show emotion 
through behaviour, thought, 

690
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,160
sensory detail, dialogue, 
avoidance, contradiction, 

691
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:27,440
objects, silence, action and 
subtext, you invite the reader 

692
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,640
into the emotional experience. 
They don't just understand that 

693
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,920
the character is grieving, they 
feel the mug beside the sink. 

694
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,520
They don't just understand that 
the character is angry, they 

695
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,120
feel the terrible calm of the 
phone placed face down on the 

696
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,280
table. 
They don't just understand that 

697
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,400
the character is lonely, they 
hear the radio turned up against

698
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,400
the laughter through the wall. 
So here's the phrase I'd love 

699
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,120
you to take with you. 
Don't explain the feeling till 

700
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,720
the scene has given us something
to feel. 

701
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,920
Or even shorter, give the reader
evidence, not just the verdict. 

702
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,920
And remember, if your draft is 
full of emotional labels, that 

703
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,600
does not mean you failed. 
It means your draft is telling 

704
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,800
you what the scene wants to do. 
Those labels are signposts. 

705
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,600
They're little flags in the 
ground saying there's emotion 

706
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,680
here, come back later with 
better tools. 

707
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,040
Revision is where you build the 
evidence. 

708
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,440
Revision is where she was 
devastated, becomes the key left

709
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:21,480
in the lock, the coat taken off 
and put back on, the mug no one 

710
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,360
will ever use again. 
That's where the emotion begins 

711
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,000
to happen inside the reader. 
And that is the real magic 

712
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,280
trick. 
Less look, she's sad. 

713
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,960
More, Oh no, I'm sad now. 
Which is admittedly a strange 

714
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,240
thing to wish upon your reader, 
but in fiction, that's often the

715
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,480
job. 
Your practical task this week is

716
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,600
to take one emotional scene from
your own writing and highlight 

717
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,560
every named emotion. 
Don't judge them, don't panic, 

718
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,600
don't set fire to the manuscript
in a symbolic act of artistic 

719
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,240
rebirth. 
Very dramatic but terrible for 

720
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,840
the carpets. 
Just choose one or two labels to

721
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,320
keep, then replace the rest with
stronger evidence, Behaviour, 

722
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,880
sensory detail, dialogue, 
silence, objects, contradiction,

723
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,600
pressure. 
And if this episode was useful, 

724
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,160
do follow or subscribe to Master
Fiction Writing. 

725
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,199
Leave a review or share it with 
a writer friend who keeps 

726
00:34:09,199 --> 00:34:11,880
explaining everyone's feelings 
as if the reader has popped out 

727
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,920
to make tea and missed the 
emotional point. 

728
00:34:14,159 --> 00:34:15,840
Thanks for listening and happy 
writing.