The. Live and listen, gentlemen that
be of freeborn blood, I shall tell you of a good Yeoman of
name of Robin Hood. Robin was a proud outlaw whilst
he walked the ground, so curtsy and outlaw as he was, one was
never none afound we think we know the outlaws of Sherwood
Forest, their leader a dispossessed and outlawed Earl
named Robert or Robin who fought with Richard the Lionheart in
the Third Crusade and returned to live in Sherwood Forest.
He had companions named Alan, Tuck, John and Will and loved a
woman named Marion. Robin makes him abide by his
code of non violence while they wait for King Richard to return
and the end of the usurpation of his King's brother Prince John.
Sometimes he's a fox and sometimes.
So I say Maid Marian should have also been a lion.
God damn you Walt. Why was she a fox?
It doesn't make any sense logistically anyway.
They survive by poaching and banditry, sharing most of what
they steal with the poor. But that's the thing, he has
always ever been just a fantastical legend, fascination
and a story of hope, a story of freedom and a story of magic.
This, my friends, is but one of those stories.
We begin our little tale in Sherwood Forest, as many of
these stories of Robin Hood often start.
We see a merry campfire abiding by Fife and flute, and we see a
group of outlaws sharing in tales of revelry, merriment,
mirth, and we see them all wondering what their next big
score is going to be. Maybe they're bragging about
some of the big scores of old, like, oh, you know me, I'm the
biggest outlaw in the land. I've stolen from every rich
person here, and I've given to every poor person there.
Some are maybe a bit more humble, like, yeah, I stole from
an Abbey one time and someone's like, what the fuck's wrong with
you? All we see at the current is our
little outlaws making merry as they await their boss to come
back from a local town for news of new work.
So whoever wants to start by telling some tall tales about
themselves certainly can. Ibacea d'amour, the lovely
French noblewoman, her radiant golden hair flowing and a breeze
that is not affecting anybody else at the campfire is is
dancing. We have, as we said, Fife and
flute. She's probably doing a little
merry jig and singing and performing an impromptu opera
about her own exploits, which I will not attempt to perform
myself, but will summarize as effectively.
She she describes how she had a a whirlwind affair with a woman
named Juliet and that they had they they stormed the streets of
of Perry, France, until her cruel parents came to take her
away and sent her to a convent. And in response, Hypatia, she,
she, she leaves it on a bit of a cliffhanger, as she explains,
sort of, you know, well, we got her out of there and there were
no survivors in kind of a, a funny way that implies fewer
people probably actually died. And she concludes her opera by
claiming that this this actually is the true story that
Shakespeare based Romeo and Juliet on, but he had to change
Hypatia to Romeo because it was too unbelievable otherwise.
When are you going to just make do the opera thing to the the
thing where we killed a wizard is so much more interesting.
I Wizard is a strong word, I think we I'm pretty sure we
killed an old man in his bathrobe.
I. I patient we literally went
through the time warp. Again so.
Cool. Hey patient, how many times do
we have to explain magic? To you well.
You can keep explaining it because it's.
What did you think that thing at the with the lady at the lake
was? I think there are there are
probably things in this world that I don't understand, but I
just feel like there's probably a more logical explanation than
magic. Little John in the bag raises
his tankard. Amen to fucking that.
I'm choosing but I don't agree. You, you would love to keep
talking about the time warp. What the hell is that?
I say, by the way, having a little Moat of fire floating in
the air. Next to me.
Salvador Antonio de La Rosa is an early 40s wandering performer
whose demeanor does not give performer but gives wandering.
They are not very cheery, however you see them be able to
twist words in the way where people will get on their side no
matter what. They are wearing clothes that
have seen better days. They have been sewn back up
together in some places the the frilly collar is more color than
frills at this point. They have kind of like shoulder
length kind of messy WAVY hair, dark brown eyes, dark tan skin
and in their breast pocket of their coat, they do have a rose
on them. Just always which y'all have
seen maybe magic or maybe just tricks come from it, depending
on your views of magic. And they're kind of they're
nursing a drink sort of. They've had a drink in their
hand. They only take some some of the
time, but they're just looking incredulously as y'all keep
saying, Time warp. There is a larger woman like
standing behind him and she like keeps taking like a sandwich
she's eating and trying to like put it through the fire to like
toast it up That like Sal is. Like, oh, just OK, keep it right
there for a moment. Thank you.
Starts like just Nami. So time warp as in there were
these people who came from a different time and went through
this whole. Camelot.
It was Camelot. This King guy, it's very
complicated. I don't remember all of it.
She just kind of like. Walks up and like plops down.
Like face first in the dirt. She'll be fine.
I'm fine, she'll be fine. All right, far be it for me to
interfere. I got her teddy would go over to
sister and just like pick her up so teddy like it's so tiny with
her tiny hand trying to grab on her to like help her out.
But she has ginger style hair Ebony skin.
Her hair is always up in 2 buns so it looks like like bear
heels, which is why she's called Teddy.
She has a nice like golden eyes. And yeah, I was like, that is
what Teddy looks like as she's just trying to assist.
All right, come on. Yeah, you're like pick picking
up this very large nun who's in like a patched up habit that's
cinched at the waist with a multi colored sash and just has
like this massive growler in her hand that she she will not part
with, which is just adding to the weight of trying to pick her
up there and like. Avene, come on.
I'm. Going to dev go.
And help rolls over to the other side.
No. OK, OK.
Why don't you just not eating the dirt?
That's fine by me. All right, Hun, I'm coming.
I'm good. She's lying on her back, just
like raising the growler, cheering to no one in
particular. Little John also stands up to go
help. She hasn't spilled a drop.
It's very fascinating. Why would I?
That's a part foul merit. I've told you this.
Standing up from a log, or he was sitting by himself, not
eating, not drinking, just kind of sitting pensively, is Sir Kay
Penwick, former knight, now outlaw.
He has he still has his armor and his large shield.
Both are kind of getting a little rusty, hasn't been taking
great care of them due to not having the resources he would
have had on the castle grounds. But he is a a middle-aged
looking gentleman, though his age is not quite middle-aged
yet. Well, middle-aged for the Middle
Ages, but he's he, he's mid 30s. Oh.
I was going to say 14. Damn he looks awful.
He really got. Aged.
He has he has balding red hair, a full red beard, kind of like
little blue fabrics poking out from under his armor here and
there get getting a little flabby.
And he has a large Blue Shield with two silver keys facing in
opposite directions. And that he kind of sets it down
gently walks over to where Teddy and Augusta are and just kind of
tries to use his night muscles to help Teddy lift up this nun.
And it's like, all right, I think that's quite enough.
We have to be in tip top shape for whatever we run into next.
So let's just get you back on the log.
Ready Teddy on three, 1-2 and three.
As Penwick has as his back turned, Merritt has gone over to
where he was sitting and left his shield and just taken the
shield and moved it to another bench, a long bench where some
other folks are sitting already just to fuck with him.
Like what are you doing? Just fucking with him.
Merritt is she tries to look and as androgynous how she has.
She has dark brunette hair that she is just messily chopped it
all off herself, but clearly sunscreen should exist in this
time because she has some sun damaged skin just covered in
freckles. She does intentionally smear
some dirt on her face, and again, everything about her
raggedness, anything about her outlaws appearance is very
clearly intentional and she's trying a little too hard to look
messy and dirty. But mid size of those who knew
her before our previous adventure, she still looks
young. She still looks like a young
woman, but she does look a bit older than 18, almost as if she
spent a few extra years in Camelot compared to her
companions. She is in her early 20s now and
it's just here to shit clearly. Just fucking around, finding
out, yes. As Sir Penwick like picks up
Augusta and says that we need to be in tip top shape, Augusta's
going to try and like steal something off of him.
Like what? I don't know like.
What do you got I guess? He's like insinuating I'm not in
tip top shape because I'm drunk, which is not true.
If two player characters oppose each other directly in a skill
check, they both roll. The character with the highest
result succeeds. That's a 12.
Parallel 6. What?
What do you have on you that I could swipe?
I have a total of 2 gold and I'm in armor so I don't have
pockets. Sure.
But I have I have two gold. I only spent 13 so.
You've got you've got a satchet of gold and that's about it.
I. Have an assassin of gold.
I probably have my hand axe on me too.
That's probably belt loopable. So yeah, I got 2 gold and a hand
axe. I Augusta's gonna swipe the the
two gold as like you're picking her up and putting her on on the
log and then just pockets it and goes.
I'm always in tip top shape. In tip top shape.
All right, well, Grant, you lose 2 gold.
I wrote it down and Augusta. You get 2 gold, so hey, there
you go. You now have two more gold to
spend, if you so desire. Pen we can't like turns around
at the post getting robbed and it's just like I I understand
that the nobility and royalty have a sour taste in the mouth
of outlaws. I cannot take things personally.
I'm going to breathe through it. Where the fuck is my shield?
I'm just sitting on a branch and like laughing.
You know, these guys have gotten a bit too big for their britches
ever since that silly quest I sent them on a year ago.
My bridges are perfectly tailored, thank you very much.
They speak often of a wizard they slew.
Yeah, I remember the job well. It was peculiar to say the
least. Got it from a shady old man in
the streets of London, as many of our jobs often come through,
and it was a very simple request to kill a man named Merlin.
And they went and they killed a man named Merlin to the best of
my knowledge. And things have been a little
different around here ever since that happened.
Augusta asked to keep his hat as like to prove it, but somebody
said we needed proof for the reward.
I'm just saying it's a little bit difficult to say that you
killed a man without any proof that you've killed the man.
In the nights God, we would bring limbs.
And I'm glad you didn't do that. There weren't any of those left.
Look at what? It was timey wimey magic.
Sheets like can we use that time warpy majigger and like get a
like evidence. No, we are not to mess with
time. Why not?
Time it that. Listen, that was a year ago.
It's in the past. Well, the time warping thing
does not make that that. Unless we use time magic and
it's now. Yeah, we don't.
Know how that works? No.
No, no no no no no. Listen, we are the most skilled
and amazing outlaws this side I of wherever we are and we need
to stop thinking about old things and focus on our next
big. Score except for one.
Robin Hood bursts from the shrubberies, as often does your
boss. He's back home from his
honeymoon of a year ago. Maid Marian, of course, is, you
know, still spending their her evenings in the summer home
because, you know, if she stayed in England at all, she's pretty
sure that her royal family would try to get her back.
And Robin's like that's I don't want to have to rescue you every
5 minutes. So just be silly.
So, you know, she's vacation against me.
But Robin, of course, he has a business to operate.
He has outlaws to feed. He's got rich people to steal
from. You know, it's a whole work,
work, work, this sort of organization here.
So, you know, hard to get a way to tend to the the kits and the
wife and all. Robin Hood is holding a scroll
and a fresh batch of gold that he just pilfered from somebody,
most likely, you know, some rich asshole.
It's a good thing you mentioned to me even though you didn't,
because I've got work, chaps. Work Harousing.
We can carouse anytime. We've got people to steal from
Richard the Pilfer Lads. You wouldn't believe it, but I
was captured. But I lived and I was set free
by myself because I'm awesome. Here's here's the stitch.
I was kidnapped by Prince John. He's done too.
Happy with our exploits and our our goings about and comings and
goings. But here's the thing.
He gave me a job for my freedom. I thought you said you you've
released yourself. Yes, by taking a job.
Oh, I get it now. Listen, not all of my stories
can be fantastic. Well, this one is rather
mundane. All of my stories are pretty
fantastic. I don't know.
Well, if it helps any, I still, you know, fired an arrow out the
castle walls, attached a rope to it, slid down the whole shebang.
Made London admire me, You know, the usual stuff.
Point being, he wants us to kill a man.
And I said listen, Robin Hood and his band of merry men do not
kill. That is our number one policy.
That's literally our last job though.
Our. Last job was to also kill a man.
Listen, when was that instituted?
Because I have been in breach of contract.
No, she's joking. None of us have killed anybody
intentionally. Continue, please, Sir Hood.
He like, puts his hand on his shoulder, Merritt and goes.
Listen, I heard what happened about the wizard.
I'm not mad, I'm not disappointed.
I'm just befuddled. That's an That's an appropriate
emotion, and Hypeisha has not broken the code at any other
time, I swear. From what we've been told, it
was a friar's idea. He.
Just kind of like side eyes talking.
He's like, no, look at me, man. Right.
Regardless of whom's idea it was and whom's it was not, and whom
killed whom and what happened there, the point is we've been
given a contract to kill again. I'm going to say not kill when,
you know, perhaps capture alive so that the Prince can do with
him as he pleases, so that this time, you know, things can go a
little less fuck up a bull. He's asked us to kill a man
named Merlin. We already did that.
No. No, no, you're out of date.
Listen, you've been gone for a while, but we actually covered
that. We did that one.
Check it off. But Liz.
Here's the problem I understand. Let me see that scroll.
Does it unroll to this? The longest hat and the longest
beard, I'm guessing. Yeah, it unrolls a very long
hat, a very long beard, a wanted size.
This. Is definitely the one.
Am I looking, I'm looking at Salvador and Teddy since we were
the newer recruit, since the last time these these three had
this adventure. And I'm like, does this seem odd
to you? Because there's two
possibilities here. Either one, they're lying about
the thing they did last year or two.
Time is repeating itself. I'm more concerned I didn't
think they were capable enough. I.
Was going to go with History repeats itself.
They were able to actually get to the time time magic.
Time magic is the most dangerous type of shit that you even like
in school. I didn't go to school for magic,
but I stole the books from people that come to school.
Right. My magic is indeed real, that I
can confirm. I'm just saying that these three
you see more committed to bits than they do adventure.
So it it puzzles me that they slew a wizard.
South S Look at this. Look at this.
What is to scale? It's actually that tall.
Salvador And what do you mean to scale?
It's a piece of paper. It is very big.
It's. A very long.
Pad I just want to say what is a good bit if not an adventure in
itself. Brotherhood's like points to
you. I like his style very.
Good. Thank you.
Jesus Christ. So we're killing.
Murder. Is that where we're going next?
What? I would rather.
I think that's a bit much. Even is it Berlin or Jesus?
Yeah, I would really rather not kill our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ. I don't think Jesus was known
for having such a big. Hat.
I don't know. Have you talked to him?
Not recently. Oh.
OK, can confirm in All in all the murals I've seen no hat.
Yeah, no. Well, he did have the.
Crown of Thorns, but that was very that was short.
It's a. Crown Concerta hat.
Of course a crowd is. AI think we're getting a little
lost in the weeds here vis a vis killing things.
I patient draws for rapier. How dare you?
Me that's headed you. You see what I mean right?
With the whole bits thing. I do understand.
So we're killing Merlin. We're killing Merlin.
We are not. Going to kill him.
We'll try not to this time, but can we steal his power again?
Here's a game plan. We're going to incapacitate him.
We're going to. Subdue.
The man, we're going to make sure that he can't do any
magical bullshit. We're going to bind his hands,
bind his mouth. Seal his power, yes.
Shelve that like his whole life and.
We're going to bring him back and deal with this in a very
bizarre fashion that I don't think I've ever actually done
before. We're going to deal with him in
the full justice of the actual law.
All right. Bye.
Weird, right? Weird.
For me, you don't think that's going to cause problems for the
rest of us, maybe who all have some kind of legal trouble?
Listen, you I I will be the one personally delivering Merlin to
Prince John. You won't have to get your hands
dirty with the actual going. Are we working in the service of
a king? Fantastic.
Question. Fantastic question.
Well, you know how my wife, Miss Maid Marian, was vacationing in
Spain? See, they've got my wife.
Oh. That seems like he had a very
bad honeymoon. So Maid Marian is in Prince
John's custody. Correct, and I have no clue
where. And he let you go, correct?
He assigned you to kill Merlin. Correct.
Does. He want to not do that in
exchange for Marian's freedom. Well the way I figure it is, if
he wants this thing dead, I figured it's only proper to have
him kill the thing. He's not exactly a warrior king.
No, no, Royals won't do that. That's why they have people like
us. Yeah, you make him look like a
coward, and that's smart. Is it?
OK, never mind, I'm back on. See, you see what I'm doing with
this, though? I was like, we're going to
embarrass the man. It's like, oh, you want this man
there, but we couldn't kill him the last time.
You kill him yourself, then? Yeah, if you're so smart.
I think we should also kidnap his wife, but we can shelf that
for later. No, no, I'm totally on board
with kidnapping his wife. That's what you're doing while
we get Merlin. Actually, I'm coming along this
time. Oh.
So the reason I want to come along this time is because,
well, last time I understand you did kill him, and I'm not
discounting or discrediting any of you for that, but I'm just
saying, I'm just saying that this time around he's apparently
not dead. So I just kind of want me it.
Just seemed like we did a bad job at the killing part.
I'm just saying still. Alive.
I've never killed a man who didn't die, so this must be
different. Stunned silence in the
congregation. Almost just stunned.
Mouth open like yeah man. I mean you have a point type
patient people usually do die when they are killed.
It's it's common knowledge. And it baffles me, then, that
this man, in fact, is not that. Oh, I have an idea.
If your idea is necromancer. What if?
What if he's OK? Not necromancer?
What if he's a younger version of the one we killed?
How in the world would that happen?
He knows that he will. He he performed a divination
ritual and he found out that he would die if he went ahead and
did this tiny whiny thing at the age that he planned on doing it.
So he was like, fine, I'll just do it now when I'm younger.
You're a genius. And just to be clear, we're
we're, we're trusting the drunk nun, the runaway bride and
disappointed high patient, whatever the fuck this is.
Don't be so rude and grumpy. And I throw your own sack of two
gold at your face. When did you hit that?
Because I'm always on top of my game.
You stick in the mud. OK, fine.
We'll take we'll take Teddy with us.
Teddy is very capable. I am cracks knuckles.
And we'll take Sal, who is quite adept at sorcery.
Yeah, you know it's better when you use my actual.
Name than yes. And I guess Penwick can come if
he insists. I I do.
I do insist, actually. I would like Penwick to come.
Penwick is, how you say, sad. Oh.
You'd make a good distraction. OK, sad.
I've been through a lot, all right.
Yes, and I want you to have some adventure and excitement.
It was fun last time. Because I'm your friend and I
care about you. Remember all those things, all
those wonderful adventures we went through in the last year
together? My training course, yes.
Yes. Robin, are we leaving now or?
Promptly would be preferred, yes.
So last time we ran into Lancelot on the road I'm
walking. So I suppose if we've all got
our equipment prepped, we should be getting to go.
Shall we Chance? Robin is marching you all
through Sherwood Forest on the way to the prison keep of Lady
Maude. That seems rather familiar to a
couple of you, so Robin is going to go ahead and give a little
bit of explaining here. He's like, well, The funny thing
is he, he described to me exactly where the wizard has
been. Lady Maude is this up and coming
noble who's been up and coming for I think her whole life and
she's been kept up in her, her prison keep for, for many, many
years. Kind of a kind of a downer of a
of a woman, if you ask me. Sort of a dour lady doesn't
really go out much. She's the heir of Claude Dubar,
Baron of Wickfield. That part isn't as much as
important. But apparently we've been
hearing reports from some of my spies in the forest that several
men dressed in armor have been patrolling the castle and there
have been out cries and someone says Lady Maud has even been
killed and her husband has been gone missing.
It's been kind of a bloody mess if you ask me.
But point being, some unnatural storm clouds have been gathering
over the keep, so I figure hey, it's a good of places I need to
start looking for this man as any considering from your
stories, that's where we found him the last time, so why not
check there again, eh? When you say men in armor, are
we assuming Knights? I would rather assume Knights,
yes. They might not be from the local
court, they're probably of the round table.
There there is that possibility I suppose.
It could be French, we don't know.
Well, some of the Knights in the round table were French.
They could be more French than that.
French Knights, they don't come to England very often.
I mean if we want this time I could try and divine where he
is. I think a a direction to go in
would certainly be helpful, but from from from dawn to dusk the
the best the best thing we did last time was improvised.
So I bet if we just if we just March in a random direction.
Do you think she's restocked her storeroom since we were there?
It's it's been a year, it's possible.
How are you going to Divine, Sister?
So just just confirming here, you're saying you're doing
you're doing fortune telling or how are you doing?
This Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm gonna do fortune
telling, I think. All righty.
What question are you asking? What is the question that you
were opposing to whatever divination device you're using
here? Like where is Merlin?
I guess OK. So, Jenny, question for you as
the GM in this scenario, has Augusta met Merlin?
Here's gonna be here's gonna be two answers to the question.
Number number one, you remember meeting a man named Merlin a
year ago? Yes #2 You've seen a picture of
this man today. OK, those are those are the 2
answers I'm gonna be able to give you regarding have you met
Merlin? Before.
So here's why I ask. Because it can be a source of
disadvantage on the role if it's considered that the fortune
tooler has never met the person the question is about.
So that is why I ask. I'm gonna say it's not gonna
give her disadvantage on this one.
Hell yeah. So 2D6 plus your divination,
ma'am. So that is an 8 on the with that
and I think the. Way she like.
Casts this. OK, you know how like some
fortune tellers use like tea leaves?
Cool. She pours some of her alcohol
into out of the growler into a different cup and like shakes it
up and then looks at the foam that is created from doing that
and then taking a shot of it and then doing it again.
And then I think I'm like actually muttering like.
Where's this stupid fucking wizard?
OK, so you divine from your little Forbes and telling here
that the wizard is in a very tall tower in a prison keep.
He's in the same place, I swear. That just.
Heads off in that direction. He's in the same fucking place
as last. This man really needs to get
some new material if it is indeed the same man.
It is. And you're sure of this?
Yes, because it would have been harder to do or see in my third
eye. I've never met a wizard I didn't
trust. I respect you.
Off we go, jets. You haven't met many Wizards.
Wait, you've never met a wizard? You didn't.
So you trust every wizard you meet?
I feel like that's going to get to a lot of.
Trouble. It has.
It is. It has gotten me into a lot of
trouble, yes. All right, well, he owns it.
His wife has gone missing like three times at this point.
The Robin gets into trouble all the time.
Listen, my entire life has been nothing but trouble since day
one. Accurate.
You should work on that. No his classes.
You know, I'd rather like it. It's it keeps life exciting.
So Lancelot was part way down the road here.
Allegedly allegedly he was to Lancelot.
As we walk down the road, do we encounter Lancelot or do we
reach the keeps unobstructed? Bizarrely, you do reach the keep
unobstructed. This is weird.
It's different from last time. I was standing next to Teddy and
just kind of whispering to her, like, if it is in fact Sir
Lancelot, I'm going to need to compose myself.
Teddy's just going to be like, I was like, how would you like me
to assist on helping you compose yourself?
I I have seen you in the ways of battle and communication and I
would prefer if we encounter a Lancelot type if you took the
lead and allowed me to back you up, because if I take the lead
it could get very dangerous very fast.
Got it. Her hands lit up in fire.
I hear you, winks. Jesus Christ, everyone, everyone
can do the fire. I.
Can't do the fire thing. I can't do the fire thing.
I could, but I don't like it.
And you're all listening, I see. Everybody, everybody hears this.
Listen. All I'm saying, all I'm saying
is I've trained all of my merry men to be adept in spy craft and
listening to things that ought not be listened to.
So you really, this is on you bud.
This is Lady Mott's Keep. I'm gesturing forever to present
it to everybody so you can go through the well to get to the
dungeon. Or I guess we could just walk in
the front door if we don't want to climb down the well.
We just. Walk in the front door.
Go. Yeah.
Last time. Climbing down the well was a
little dangerous. Why can I just ask?
I don't know if I don't remember if we addressed this.
Why is there no water in the well?
Because it's a secret passage. Next question.
If I may, there are in fact seven of us.
If we have two paths here before us, why don't we simply divide
and conquer? Because if Merlin could be
killed by three idiots last time, and clearly we don't need
six people to go and slay him, why doesn't one team raid the
supplies and one team killed the wizard?
I I'm happy to split the party. Which of us will be divided in
half? I do not like your phrasing.
Well, there's. 7 So if we want to go two ways, we have to it's
3 1/2. So I would assume Robin will be
going with the team who slays the wizard, correct?
I need to go and kill the wizard and get the proof.
Except we're not killing him. We're capturing him.
I'm going to be extraordinarily. Binding the wizard, I suppose.
Once you kill him, I'll bring him back and then it'll be sort
of alive again. Why don't you 3 looking at the
original crew, go to the dungeon and we'll go through the front
door. Yes, we'll, we'll, we will catch
up with you because we'll, we'll speed run this.
Henwick, You know Lady Maud sucks.
Lady Maud sucks. She deserves to be robbed.
I I will say Lady Maud has not been well.
She didn't suck at one point. Yeah, I mean, for a noble, she
was actually pretty OK She kept to herself.
When was that? It's been a while, about five
years. She didn't suck at one point
with all the gossips that she does now.
All right in the well with you, the lady.
Let us in fact examine Lady Maude's keep here, because
things might be a little different than you remember from
last. Time.
Oh no, my well constructed plan. No, my things, my plans and
things. So you see before you a A5 story
castle, you get a main level, a large second level.
And then like there's like this back buttress that ends in a
very tall tower, kind of similar to last time.
The main difference being there is a very large portcullis at
the very front of the castle guarded by two Knights and kind
of just peeking in past the portcullis because those things
are notoriously got a whole bunch of holes in them.
You can also see several Knights patrolling the inside of the
keep as well. There's also a large Moat around
the castle that wasn't here last year.
She must have been doing some investing because she was
getting robbed a lot. You know, Not not naming any
names or anything. All right, I, I, I, I've got
this. I definitely have an idea.
Love to hear Augusta's going to stroll up to one of the guards.
Hello, I'm here to bless your well with holy water.
The the two Knights, in, you know, very stereotypical
fashion, cross their Spears across the portcullis and say
none shall pass in unison. Well, I have to I have to pass
to get to the well. You don't understand?
None means none, they say in unison.
Oh, the none shall pass. They're giving you permission.
Oh yes, no, I am a nun. I shall pass.
No, what we simply mean is that nobody can come through these
doors, they say in unison. You're really confusing with
your phrasing. No, we're not.
You're just confusing us, they say in unison.
Were you given instructions that said a nun shall pass, or were
you given instructions that no one can enter?
Listen, all I'm saying is that you stay here and nobody enters
these doors. Are these nights where wearing
matching armor, or are the presume crosses on their armor
different colors or are they identical in every single way?
They're kind of matchy. Matchy 1 is wearing a a green
tunic with a Red Cross and the one is wearing a red tunic with
a green cross. Fascinating.
I don't know enough for Three and Lord to know what that
indicates, but. The Knights of Christmas.
Which one of you was Lancelot? Can you?
Lancelot said that he would let us in.
Neither of us, Lancelot. Lancelot is not here.
OK. What's your name?
We have boars the younger and boars the older is who we're is
who we are facing here. They will introduce themselves
as such one at a time. Boars and boars, OK.
Trust me, it gets confusing for us too, they say in unison.
OK, new plan. Can you bring some water from
your well out here and then I can bless it.
No. Why?
Like honestly, why do you want to enter?
We have been given strict instruction from our Lord and
Master not to let anybody in. And you, if we're not so
mistaken here, qualify as buddies who are any, so none
shall pass. Who is your Lord and master?
They both kind of walk at each other and shut the hell up.
I I want to go. OK, sorry, sorry.
They didn't. They didn't explain.
We're we're the well inspectors and you 2 are very much failing
at the first part of well inspection.
I I leave it and say say, say we're here for a Wellness check
that worked last time. Yeah, it's it's a group is
called Wellness Check. And like clearly you didn't get
the memo sent by the page because otherwise you would just
let us through. Now you are going to have been
in just quite much trouble with your Lord and other Lords as
well. If you don't check your well,
you're not going to be. Incredibly safe with.
You get the fuck out of here. I will have to kill you.
We have so many words in here. So many.
Well, that's that's that's. Another demerit on the Wellness
check. You can't kill the pet, the
messenger. We have been sent no such
information. 1 and 2 like that's clearly Robin Hood.
Hi, Hello. No.
It's not. Interesting.
Who's this? Interesting bro, Interesting
that. Was actually Robin Hood's twin.
I think I realized that lying our ass off isn't working this
time. And I kind of tug on Teddy's
sleeve a little bit and like make a little like I put my
thumb off to the side and I kind of like tilt my head and like,
we, we, we sneak off. Maybe if if Teddy comes with me.
Yeah, we can do that. How tall is this wall that the
Port Collis's block is like, yeah.
A story. Can we find a place where
there's enough blocked visibility?
I have a 10 foot pole. Oh easily.
Easily. I mean, this place is surrounded
by forests and it is dark and eerie outside despite it being
like a little afternoon. I'm gonna start doing close up
magic all. Right, that's the move.
Cheerio Mary Band out there. It's me, your audio editor
Grant, here to interrupt the action, rudely I might add, to
tell you about another podcast that's very good and very cool.
Let me tell you about our friends that this could get
dicey. Hello fellow TTRPG lovers, we
are This Could Get Dicey, a narrative and role play driven
actual play podcast set in our home brewed world.
Drew Gala playing the D and D5 E system.
Join us as we dive into the adventures of a mutant, a
vampire and a Bard touched by dark magic as they face world
threatening atrocities like the rise of a long forgotten deity
or someone putting mustard in oatmeal.
This Could Get Dicey publishes new episodes every Wednesday
with the last Wednesday in the month devoted to our recurring
talk show Dicey Deep Dive or one shots using other TTRPG systems
you can find This could Get Dicey on all podcast streaming
platforms plus TikTok, Instagram and Threads.
That's all for now, but remember, this could Get Dicey.
I love this. Could get dicey man.
One of my favorite finds in the past year or so.
Been working a lot with the crew from there.
So if you haven't checked this could get Dicey out yet then
bro. But like what the fuck?
Like Becky was on Castaway and Kenny was on the longing front
of a strange land. We've been hyping them up for
like cumulatively 10 total weeks prior to this episode.
So like come on go what? Go listen to it.
The fuck? That's all I got for you this
week. Go check out our friends at this
could get dicey and strap in as you are thrown back into
Sherwood Forest for the rest of Sherwood.
Killed the round table. So you 2GO off.
Should we do a full lap before we try to get over the wall?
Yes. OK.
Let's get a close of our surroundings.
I'm definitely like monkeying way more than I need to, like
climbing trees and stuff to try and get a good look at
everything as we're moving around the keep.
Yeah, OK, tasty on the ground. So taking a look around the
castle here, the interesting part is that there is a sewer
grate through the Moat. It does look to be, you know,
breakable. You know, it's just wood, not
steel, so you could use that as a weigh in.
It's. Kind of sticky, but if we try
the pole vault I look at the Moat on the other side of the
wall. I was like, I'm sure then we can
make it over. It should we try to go ourselves
or go back and get the others to come with us.
We should do it ourselves. OK.
Because of all of us. These very suspiciously.
How hard is it to get this wooden grate off?
Do I need to have Teddy do it? I would say we need to make a
check of some description to break it.
I have athletics. Yeah, so roll 2D6 and then if
you have just one Athletics, add one or however many plus. 8.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
So this wooden grate does, in fact, bust open.
It's not exactly difficult to do.
It does kind of smell weird in here.
But you are able to go ahead and sneak in through that grate into
what appears to be part of the dungeon.
We're going to take a brief aside, though.
We're going to get to you guys in a minute because you're doing
a lot of cool stuff. We're going to check back into
the port. Call us here really quick.
Is this your card? No.
Oh, shit. OK. 1. 2nd, you've been asking
us if it's archived for the past five minutes.
Well, I think you're just lying at this point.
I think you're just lying. No, you showed us the Six of
Cups. You've not.
Wait a minute 5. Penwick just kind of like parts
the other three and walks up to the boars kind of brandishing
his shield. And I'd like to do a luck check
to see if my my history of being a knight earns me good favor
here perhaps. That would be a very interesting
thing to do. So I, I think what you're trying
to get at is you're trying to like, be like, spend a lot to
discuss with me who you might know as a knight.
Yeah, yeah. That's, that's what I'm angling
for here. I can spend a luck on that.
OK, Yeah, go ahead and spend 1 luck for me here to to use that.
Good thing you're here. Check.
I have 9 luck so now I'm down to 8.
I'll get you. OK.
So First things first of all, Sir Penwick, these two Knights
would know who you are. Hello fellow Knights.
I believe that an audience is demanded of me, and if you would
allow myself and my compatriots to then so forth, I think I can
offer something of value to your master.
They kind of look at each other and they look back at you.
It's like, well, thou art part of our Lord and Masters table,
so we have to abide by this. Very well.
You may pass. I'm sorry, what the hell did you
just say? Nothing important.
Carry on. And they and they give the order
to two other Knights in the back to raise the portcullis.
And it's, you know, a loud clunking thing and it raises all
the way up and you're able to pass all the way in.
So we go in. I'm going to look at them to
like. You should check your.
Helmet and the Six of Cups is going to be in their helmet by
God, they both say at the same time, and they both somehow have
a six of cups. All right, well, luckily the
buffoonery is granted as entry to the keep.
I'm sure Merritt and Teddy have found their own way in.
I'm sorry, we're not passing over the your part of the round
table part. A lot of tables around.
And they did not specify round table specifically, Robin
interjects. They said they're part of my
master's table, which does make me wonder what the fuck.
Look, look, look, listen. There, there, there is an
unspoken, understood brotherhood to those who take up the mantle
of night, even if it's for opposing masters or different
varieties. So perhaps my, my, my order, if
you will, my, my sense of authority has allowed them to
see me as a as a member of the, the Brotherhood in arms, if you
will. I said you passed the vibe
check. Yes, the the vibe check if you
will. No need to concern yourselves.
Knights are kind of dumb. Augusta like it's real close to
you, like like not like way invading your personal space and
like squints. Very close, sister.
I don't believe you, but OK for. Now and then it's just like
walks off her head like turns to stare at you, the whole.
The important thing to know about me is I am loyal to Robin
Hood and that is my objective. That is my course, That is what
I am doing. I see point being first and
foremost, we still have to get on top of tower to, you know,
abscond with he's just like walking around, you know who.
And into the cellar to steal things.
That is a wonderful objective, perhaps secondary, tertiary to
that. Where the hell have all the men
gone? I I believe that Merits and
Teddy went to scale a wall while Salvador was distracting them
with card tricks. Excellent.
In that case, I believe it would be prudent for some of us to go
and find them as well so that we could all regroup, perhaps check
the dungeon, check pretty much anywhere.
But yeah. Perhaps merits most trusted
compatriots who know the lay of the land better than Salvador
and I. Pretty sure merits going to go
straight for that seller. You want to send all of us who
know the place in One Direction and all of you who.
Don't. OK, it's fair enough.
One of you then, perhaps. I don't know.
I'm not a leader by any means. I'm just footballing.
Here I am. All right then, you choose.
What am I talking for? I don't know God personally.
Gusto, do you want to go with find merit or do you want to go
do the other thing? Gusto's like putting her growler
out and kind of just twirling around really fast and then
stops and is pointing towards the wall she goes.
I guess that's towards merit. Very well.
Splendid. I shall I shall accompany our
our lovely companions into the the rest of the the key.
Very well. So it's Penwick, Salvatore,
Hypatia and I. We're going to go upwards and
onwards, which helps us rather famously because apparently they
know you. Well, though those two did
apparently. Or know of me?
Heard of me? Listen, the Pennwick Knave has
gone far and wide. Yeah, that's the problem.
And then sister Augusta, you'll be on the lookout for Merritt
and Teddy. I was like a hawk.
Well, stay out of trouble, sister.
I believe in you. No.
So we emerge from the sewer into the dungeon.
So you guys are in the dungeon, which does have a stairway which
leads up to the main level, kind of near the back.
So Augusta, are you going with Robin Hood and Company up to the
second level? Because that's where they're
going to be going, or where are you going to try to peek around
to? See, are you going to wait to
meet us or are you going to like head down, assuming that that's
where I would have gone. I think Augusta's going to like
walk along the wall for all of like a minute and a half, be
like not here and then head towards the cellar to go steel
ship. Good plan, good plan.
We go to the dungeon briefly here.
It is a little spooky down here, very poorly lit.
You emerge kind of covered in filth.
I'm not going to go ahead and describe everything that happens
in a sewer grate in the in the in the bottom part of the
dungeon here you can hear little chittering noises coming from
the the dungeons cells. You can hear like little noises
and little Snickers and giggles and ne'er do well type activity
sounding things. You can hear a couple of nights
at a table playing cards like it's like and I stabbed him in
the fucking head. No way you didn't stab him in
the fucking head. No, I absolutely did.
I've still got the marks on me Lance showing that I stab him in
the fucking head. You know, things of that nature.
You appear kind of next to the storeroom.
There is a large iron gate guarding the storeroom, which is
a damn shame and it hasn't stopped you before.
Apart from that, that's about all you'd be able to really see
is the you are directly in the storeroom area, but not in the
storeroom itself. You can hear from the next room
over some nights and then in the little prison area you can hear
some chittering noises and giggling.
So last time there was a priest being kept prisoner down here
and we never really figured out why, but now there's more.
People down here, yeah. Should we break them out?
I I mean, if we break them out, they can help us, right?
Yes, yes, yes. And last time the storeroom
wasn't locked. Well, no, wait, it was.
And we stole the keys, I think. I don't know.
It's been a few years. Yeah, Timey wine year.
It's been timey wine Me. I get it.
Yeah, 500 years for you guys. Yes, yes, yes.
I was like I can break the locks.
OK, you're going to lock that in.
You're going to break the lock. I was going to melt the lock.
That would be like that's. A lot more quiet.
Yeah, that would be like a pyromancy check.
Yeah, that would be like a willpower thing. 8. 8 is a
success that does. Exceed in six all righty Well,
you, you've got some pretty decent adeptness in pyromancy
and you figured that this will be the second quietest way to
open the lock. The first, of course, being a
lock pick if you had such a thing.
So the lock melts and kind of to the floor in a fiery pile and
walk the door swings open. Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak,
sneak. Sneak.
So in this room you see a a a pile of 30 gold.
You would see a set of chainmail.
You would see a Longbow and you would see a crossbow and that is
what is in the store room today. Because we are kind of in a
situation where it would be good to be alert of danger and such.
I don't know, maybe the hinges creaked.
I feel like we were very sneaky. But just in case the true seeing
can trip lets me it. It alerts the caster of
impending visitors, intruders and dangers.
And it lasts for an hour. I cannot be surprised for an
hour. So I'm going to spend 1
willpower to use my can trip and be alert to any danger around us
approaching. You are alert as fuck.
Every little noise in this room feels like it's amplified by
like 20. And notably, my pile of gold is
not trapped right. That is the main reason I'm
doing this, because it's kind of SUS.
I mean, it's a store room. Uh huh.
And the door was locked and they had Knights.
OK but it doesn't hurt to be SUS She's been.
Rocked ever before. OK, I scoop up the gold, now
knowing that it's not trapped. You do get this little tingling
in the back of your mind that says don't do that.
Oh, then I don't do it. You can use some armor, right?
Because I I was like, I have leather armor right now.
Like Teddy would show off the leather armor.
You think I'm the other? I mean they have the chainmail
here, do I get the tingly of don't do that when I reach for
the armor? You do I.
Feel Oh. The teddy would try to reach for
the crossbow. Should she do that?
You would you get that same tingling sensation of don't do.
That. I think this shit is trapped,
yeah. I don't like that tingling
feeling. I think she learned a lesson.
I think she knew that a lock wouldn't keep us out because it
didn't last time. Fuck.
Around that time if if Augusta is going into this area through
the stairs that they found before.
You you would run dead into the. Night do I show up I I just walk
into the night so as. You would, you would run dead
into the nights. So they're just like, like
telling stories of like the good old days.
And it's like, yeah. And then we, we, we, we went
across and there was like this big serpent.
And then I with a mighty swing of my.
Oh, hello. Hello.
What are you doing here and whom are you?
I'm a Wellness inspector. Oh, you're playing?
Cards and then she just sits down if there's an empty chair.
There absolutely is an empty chair.
Yeah, pulls it out, sits down. All right, what's the game?
And pulls out some cards like fans.
We were, we were playing privilege.
It's no real all. Right.
Everybody put your money in the middle of the board.
And she's going to put down to gold.
She's distracting them for us. The Knights, though a bit
baffled, will also go ahead and put in their money.
Great. What's a card?
I'm going. To I'm going to say this is
something that would exclusively deal with luck because you are
doing something really stupid. Sure, I love that for me.
OK so I do a saving throw for luck then basically.
Exactly, If you fail to saving throw for luck, you're going to
be fighting some nights probably.
I love this. OK, OK, hear me out.
Technically I I all right, because I just have to do this
like against my luck, which is 9:00.
So I have to roll under my luck and I rolled A5.
OK so I super pass. Super Pass.
So not only are you playing cards with the Knights, which
you've somehow swapped from their game of cribbage.
Good on you. You're winning like and it's not
even close. Great.
You just see Augusta pull like a giant pile of gold towards her.
Yeah, Wow. She was really fun playing with
all of you. No double or nothing.
I demand retribution one of the nights, like Allen's fist on the
table. At this point, would I see the
other two trying to sneak by? You would.
Augusta goes through like this, like a bunch of expressions on
her face of I want to walk away with all the gold.
I really should keep distracting them so they don't see my
friends. I guess I could win more.
Gold. All right, Double or nothing.
Double or nothing it is. Go ahead and make another luck
save for me whilst these two successfully sneak by.
That's another six. I mean, it's different numbers,
but it still adds up to six and that's under 9, so.
So you're you're, you're walking out of this like gangbusters.
You essentially you spent you you put in two gold, but now
you've gained back like 8 from both of these guys, so.
Great. It's just, it's just beautiful.
It's like Boldrick, I don't know about you, but I'm spent.
Yeah, me too. Fuck, I think I have some extra
gold upstairs in my quarters if I really want to keep playing
and this. I'll do a trip with nothing if
you bring more gold. They.
Just kind of look at each other's, like I was really
looking forward to getting a glass of meat.
Oh. Fuck.
OK, we'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.
I won't. And they both leave to get some
more gold. Amazing.
It's not Father Confessor this time.
You are from the other room where we snuck.
From when I take, I take all the gold off the table, put it into
my pack, get up, it's over. OK, what are we doing?
So you go to the prison area and instead of prisoners you see a
cohort of chuckling Imps. Like like Imps.
Like 6 little floating duties with big heads, small bodies,
wings and little teeny tiny little pitchforks.
Imps. Teddy, this wasn't here last
time. I was.
I wasn't here last. Time.
No, these weren't either. These weren't either.
So one of one of the other Imps like the biggest and most read
one kind of like the looks at the three of or the three of you
goes, well, this is a fascinating little turn of
events. Are you here to free us or bind
us? What's in it for us?
What? What does that mean?
What's in it for you? Well, what do you need Imps for?
What can you do? We got pitchforks, we got magic,
we got claws. Use your imagination.
Do you like to steal people's souls or something?
What? No.
Why? Why not?
What do you mean why It's not, it's not a thing that we are
paid to do. We can't do that.
We work for souls. We don't take it.
Look, I'm not here to, you know, talk about the hierarchy of why
Satan does what he does. But we we don't steal souls.
So why are you locked up? Oh, that's easy.
We work here and this is just where we.
Sleep Who summoned you? Merlin.
Because, like, you have to be summoned.
Merlin. Oh, that motherfucker.
Do you Do you like working for Merlin?
Pays well. Well, we we killed Merlin.
Yeah. That was suspicious.
That was suspicious out of. Hell, Oh my God.
Broke out of hell. Broke out of hell.
So were you. So you're locked up down here,
but you work for Merlin? Yeah, we're not locked up.
We can leave whenever. Got it, got it.
Got. It.
So how do you feel about Merlin? Also, do you think the king
sucks? We're, you know, we're Imps.
So first and foremost, we work for a guy who is decidedly a
king, you know, of his own power because, you know, rebelled
against God, that sort of thing. But not the king of England.
Oh no, yeah, that guy is super going to hell yeah, no 100%.
So you think the king sucks? OK, how do you feel about
Merlin? Well, he pays well.
How well does do you care about money?
How well does he pay? What does he pay?
In He pays in souls. In Souls.
Ames loves souls. Yeah, that guy.
That guy's got access to a whole bunch of soul.
It's like a whole lot. Nights.
Do you know how many nights at the Round table there were that
we're destined for heaven that are now going to hell?
We've got so much leverage. OK, problematic.
OK, not. Really not for us.
We like problematic down here. No, no, no, I get.
I get that. Where do you get into about 2000
years in the future? Is pledged her soul, so hers is
already spoken for. Goes up there.
Listen, I'm not saying that hell is a bad place.
Actually, we're the good guys. Now explain.
That OK, agreed to disagree, but.
You know you can agree to disagree all you want, I'm just
objectively right. OK.
Are they? So they're in a cell.
Yeah, and they're playing like demon cards.
And the cell isn't locked like they said, they just live here.
Yeah, they just live here. Cool, I'd like to lock the cell.
Do you do you have a lock to lock the door?
I have a lock pick. Oh, there's no lock on the door?
OK, never mind. I thought it was like built into
the door. Like it was like a cell door
that was like built in. We're not that fancy yet.
So we don't want to pledge our souls because we definitely
can't get as many souls as Merlin can.
And I feel like that's unethical.
We're not allowed to kill people is a thing.
You're not why? That's stupid.
Well, I think actually, Merritt, I think we might get around that
because if he's already dead. He is already dead, so, but
that's that's beside the point. That's only one soul, and we
can't provide as many souls as Merlin can I give you that.
I mean, you've got a whole band of men.
What's this about binding? Oh well, if you.
Offer us your soul, we can work for you for a.
While hard pass. Or you know someone, you know
soul someone. So, so so if we don't want you
to work for us, we don't want you to work for us.
But what if we just don't want you to snitch?
Yeah, snitches get stitches. I mean, what do you got to
offer? I mean, personally speaking, we
amps, we're not exactly, you know, we're union men basically.
You know you know how it works. Out right, there's some pile of
30 gold in the storeroom that we broke the lock off of.
You don't. Need money, but we need money.
There's a what? It's it's, it's cursed, sister,
don't. Owe, owe that money in the
storeroom. No, yeah, we're we're we're
guarding that. Yeah, no, we're guarding that.
So that's our job. So you don't want the.
Gold. I do.
Well, I know what you do. We're.
Just we're trying to get them to not snitch.
We're trying to get them to not snitch.
But if I show you a fireball trick, will you not snitch on
us? Please hold.
And then they go like, can you like confer to the other like 5
Imps and they're like shittering amongst themselves.
And then all six Imps kind of like hold on to the bars and
like look at you intently. What kind of trick?
Well, I can't just show it to you for free.
We got a shake on it. You know that shaking hands of
an imp is probably a. Bad.
I meant like I met like for like metaphorically and stuff.
No, you're not going to actually shake my hand, You're just going
to leave me hanging like that. You don't snitch and Teddy shows
you some sick ass pyrotechnics. You drive a hard bargain, OK,
but only if you show us the cool pyrotechnics.
Great. So in order for this to be
fulfilled, you need to not snitch first, which means we're
going to go upstairs and we'll come back and show you the cool
pyrotechnics. Let just hang on.
Hold on, hold a fucking second. The the logistically, that is
how it. Was otherwise you could just see
it and then snitch. But how do we know that you're
not going to just leave like all the way?
Because then we could snitch. Because we're not Imps and our
word is our she's a. Woman of God.
How about this? I'll show you only half and then
you get the other half. This works.
Cool. OK, I can.
I can. I can abide that.
Yeah, cool. So Teddy's going to like make a
shape fire into like a hand and like and then like high 5 all of
them with the fire hand. Hell yeah and they are like all
high 5. Beforehand.
See, that's just a little sneak peek for right now.
That's like dust off her hands. Ash falls out all right.
So you you'd show them the fireball trick and then I assume
you all scuttle. Upstairs well.
They're going to show them later.
If we go back to the storeroom, do I still feel like taking the
gold is a bad idea because they did agree not to snitch?
Well, they're not going to snitch on you that you were
here, but they still are here to guard the gold.
Fine. Interesting.
OK, is it, Is it like what if I did spend my points to make an
illusion of the gold and we took the gold?
That's an option. That's what I'm doing.
Now that illusion does let you do a 10 foot area so you could
also take all the other shit. The rest of the storeroom, too,
yeah. Great.
So we're going to rob the entire storeroom and then I'm going to
make an illusion. All the stuff is still in the
store. Super duper.
OK. That's for willpower, right?
To do that, great. All right.
And that is going to last as long as you are in the castle
all say for flavor. Great.
So you all pretty much easily are able to meet up with Robin
Hood, Suquet, Salvador, everyone's all back together,
the gang's all here. So I feel like we immediately
dressed Teddy in the armor, right?
That feels right to me. Teddy is our tank.
Let's go mess with me. I give, I give everybody 1 gold.
And you keep the other like 3025, yeah.
OK, wait. So yeah, there was 30 total.
Yeah, so how? Much gold did she get from the
soldiers? 08.
So we're at a total of 33 grand. Teddy Teddy's got like a sister.
Really. Up it.
Light up it. OK, fine, I give.
You one like Teddy like make it 10.
I use my fire. Oh what I use my fire.
I think we found the go. OK, so Sir Penwick, do you want
the Longbow or the crossbow? Well, what did you guys do while
we were doing all that? You have been able, with Sir
Penwick's permission, to be able to move unimpeded throughout the
castle. So right now, right now, where
you are currently situated is you are on the fourth level just
outside the tower. And this would be right when
they pop out. This would be about when they
pop in, yeah. Bag of shit to give us.
Yeah, I for forsake of time. There was nothing really in
between there and here, apart from a few nights that you
could, you know, talk to, but nothing really to say about that
except for, you know, you were able to pass through just fine.
And they let us pass through without him to catch up.
Well, here's If you said that you were with Sir K, you'd be
fine. Interesting.
Oh yeah, you missed a whole thing where the the guys at the
front said that Penwick is part of their round table.
Very suspicious. Well, part of a table that may
or may not be circular in shape. Sister Augusta, can you do that
thing where you see if somebody's like a ghost or like
if they have a soul? Oh yeah, I can do that.
On the next night, we pass. Hey, how's it going?
We're with Sir. We're with Sir Penwick.
Don't worry about. It oh oh, with with K yeah, OK
yeah, sure you can go ahead if you're with him, yeah.
That bitch have a song. It's like a necromancy.
It's a necromancy skill check I think right?
That is a 5 + 1, so 6. However, however, I'm going to
spend 3 wits to add 3 to it. Oh, daring, daring, daring.
Yeah, he's got a soul. It's totally lodged in his body.
Stuck in? Can't pull it out.
Wedged. Yeah, a lot of.
People don't know this but the soul is actually like right next
to the liver. It's really weird.
OK so I I can't tell if it's like promise to hell though.
Right. Yeah.
Is it? Is it condemned?
No, that's the no, it is not condemned to hell as far as, as
far as you know, totally. Fine.
That felt personal. Well, let me phrase it this way.
It's not condemned to hell because he sold it.
Whether or not he goes to hell on his own accord.
Anyone else's guess? Right, but it's not like Merlin
gave the students soul to hell. Or.
Yeah, You know, it's a, it's a you can still make good choices
and be a good guy kind of vibe. Not a predestined soul.
Hi Sir Penwick, here's a long hello for you.
Thank you there's. Devils in the basement.
There's what? I think they they called
themselves. Yeah, I gave them all high
fives. Yeah.
Do not make any deals with. Them interesting.
Interesting. It was an aircraft.
Contract, don't worry about it. You.
You did what? What Imps what?
Yes, so I think Merlin escaped from hell, except he might not
have escaped because the Imps like worked for him.
I think Satan just let him leave.
Would make sense for a Wizard of If this is the Merlin and you're
telling the truth, it would make sense of a Wizard of his caliber
to be able to do that when. Have I lied to you?
You many times this morning, in fact, my shield was missing.
I never said it was anywhere. Stealing is a form of lying
merit with. Your hands.
I should know. I go several times.
Your hands lied to me. What the fuck did you all do?
We told them not to snitch. Do you want a crossbow, Sal?
Would you like this crossbow? No, give it to the other person
that could shoot, OK. Fine, I hand it to Robin.
Stop looking at me like that, Sal.
I'm not the one who made the deal.
OK, now you're shifting blame, which is another issue in and of
itself. OK, let's find this bloody
wizard. This bloody wizard.
We could put him back into hell, I guess.
I don't. Fucking know Robin, he's already
dead. Merritt.
That would be compliment very, very complicated for us.
If he's already dead, then how are we supposed to deliver an
already dead man to the? I actually actually do got this
one. I like where your head's at.
I'm I'm I'm assuming the answer, as it often is, is necromancy.
Actually yes, because I can't even compel undead, so if
Merlin's undead, we could just tell him what to do.
That would be neat if he were undead.
You know, that's pretty airtight.
I bet that will work with no hitches.
Not. Whatsoever, I feel as if all the
answers that we need are right behind this door and up several
flights of stairs into a tower. I just want to say real quick,
because I care about my friend Merritt, I think Monsieur
Salvador is correct. And you, you demonstrated
something of a worrying personality shift.
And I just want to make sure you're OK because I know you did
spend a little longer in that other place.
We were. So just, are you good?
Do you need to talk about anything?
This is how I've always been. Do you not remember the whole
lying our asses off to claiming to be Squires and Wellness
checkers and that? I remember you being a lot more
just like generally meek and nervous and now you're like,
like victim blaming and like pushing off demon contracts.
I just want to make sure you're not going to like lose, lose
yourself, you know, because I care about you very much.
Anyway, as long as we're good. Let's let's go up that
mysterious tower that I love so much.
You are actually able to move pretty unimpeded throughout the
tower, which again, should strike you as bizarre because it
is. Once you arrive at the top of
the tower, you feel the storm around you getting worse, more
discordant. The sound of ticking clocks are
backwards, forwards, slower, faster.
Things seem really, really bizarre up here.
You don't even know if you're still walking on floor the the
ground beneath you looks like clouds of glass.
When you arrive in the tower, it is a circling miasma of things
that should be, should not be, and have been and might be.
You can see horse drawn carriages mingling with the
giant metal machines that you've never seen before, buildings
that look to be made entirely out of refined, shiny stone.
You see just the fabric of reality itself coming undone,
and at the very epicenter of it is this tall wizard with an
extraordinarily tall hat and an impossibly long beard that goes
down to his feet. He turns around and looks at you
with cold, white unblinking eyes and says oh not you again.
That's right, motherfucker. We're back.
Can I knock something over? You you knock over a priceless
object I'm. Here to dispose of you and your
quackery. My quackery, my quack.
And still anarchy once again. Do you understand how much I had
to fight just to get back here? Do you understand the things
I've had to do? Do you understand the men I've
had to sacrifice and my own soul?
No, no, no, no. You do not get to play hero this
time. Robin Hood and your merry Men.
No. I'm going to send you where you
can never get me. Oh.
No, thank you. I just point of order.
Robin Hood did not play hero last time either.
He. Was I was playing hero in a
different adjacent story, but that is another time.
I mean, you kind of failed if your wife got kidnapped.
We had a lot of sex. I'm just.
I don't think that's a success. Can we stop?
He's doing some kind of fucked up ritual to send us somewhere.
I've I've been very quietly pulling out my Longbow and I'm
going to try and snipe him before he does goofy time shit
to me. Good plan.
Go ahead and try to roll. So that would be an archery
skill check for you, Grant. Yes, so I can add 2 to this
roll. Hell to the.
Yeah, if possible, as Merritt says, like, stop arguing and
let's fight Merlin, I would like to once again draw my rapier and
lunge at his heart as as Sir Penwick sets up an arrow shot,
I'm. Going to give you all the
opportunity to attack Merlin. I rolled a total of 5.
That's not good. So I'm, I'm going to like draw
my bow back and it's been a while since I've actually used a
bow and arrow and I just, I let it go and I watched the arrow
just like right over his tall hat and like, it's the it's the
biggest target. How did I miss the hat?
You watch the arrow fly through the fabric of time and squarely
hit JFK in the ass. Like you're going to say in the
head. And that's like, oh, it was,
yeah. He's like that.
That is a change. No, no, this was, he was like 15
at the time. He just had like a scar there.
That's why he hit the leg problems in the Navy.
Exactly. Yeah, as all this shit is
happening, Salvador takes the Rose and flicks it and turns
into a quarter staff. Oh, that's neat.
And then they're going to, they're going to.
They're going. It's actually their conduit to
do magic to shoot a fireball at this motherfucker.
While everyone is attacking, I want to try and use Compel
Undead to just tell him to. Stand still, don't do anything.
To like, let everybody else hit him.
OK. How does?
What do you got to spend for that?
Or is it just a? Check.
So I have to do a necromancy check first before I spend
willpower and then if I pass the necromancy skill check then I
spend 4 willpower to compel dead undead.
MC Radical, go ahead. That is 9 + 1, so 10.
So I passed the necromancy check and then I spend 4 willpower and
it lasts for 10 minutes. Here's the weird caveat.
Merlin doesn't feel like a corpse when you try this.
Shit. Interesting.
Do I still spend willpower then? So in this case you you spend,
you do your check and you realize him not being undead.
Try not to, you know, spend your willpower on the idea.
OK, then instead like I go like the cast and then I stop and go.
He's still alive somehow. Don't really know how that
works. So yeah, Teddy's also going to
attack. He's going to ask sister, like
sister Alex, me first. Like, you still have like,
alcohol on you, right? Always.
I hand you my my. Yeah, puts like she's going to
try to put some in her mouth and then like use her fire to make
the. Fire Go.
Bigger fire breath. A fire spit, fire breath.
So we have a fireball going off and then also like some fire
breath happening. Bigger fireball is what I mean.
Merlin did succeed his check. Oh oh.
As the fireball approaches the wizard and as you get closer to
his heart, you can feel yourselves and watch the
fireball slow down in real time, almost to the point where you
can almost feel your heart stopping because time no longer
exists for you. You watch each and every single
one of you fall through some sort of howling abyss.
You don't exactly know what is happening.
Things around you are changing, speeding up, slowing down,
looking different. The world itself around you no
longer makes sense in any way that you have come to know it.
Things are starting to happen that make your brain hurt.
But all of you, one Robin Hood excluded, wake up in the middle
of Sherwood Forest. But it doesn't look the same.
It doesn't sound the same. You hear blaring the horns of
trumpets. You hear like people conversing
in the middle of what appears to be a large cobblestone park.
And you see buildings, yes, but not made of simple thatched
roofs, but made of stone, Made of tiled shingle roofs, glass on
every window. This is bizarre.
Everything is terrible. But before you stands a man
holding a corn cob pipe and a deerskin hat and a companion,
kind of portly with a boulder hat.
And one looked at the other and says, my dear Watson, I believe
we've got something interesting upon our hands.
I was getting Simon shut the fuck up.
I did roll a crit on my back so I'm stabbing whoever the fuck
appears in front. You stab Watson in the stomach.
Oh my dear Watson, shut up. What's going on here?
So you're. Not the wizard.
I'm so sorry. Are you a wizard?
No, I'm a doctor. Close enough, but we'll say
that's fine for now. I I withdraw my rapier.
Oh dear Jesus. The.
Like victim blaming and like pushing off demon contracts.
OK, well that was because that was Rosalie's first actual play
that she ever had published. Oh, my nose starts bleeding.
Oh, OK. I'm blinking in another reality.
I just want to make sure you're not going to like, lose, lose
yourself, you know, because I care about you very much.
I'm sorry. The party with perfect clarity,
looks above themselves, sees us 7.
Anyway, as long as we're good, let's go up that mysterious
tower that I love just. Walks on a wall where this 4th
window come from. Why is it broken?
Anyways, up we get.