Hey Scooter, what is that? You're looking at, bro, it's a
game. Master Monday.
This could blow. It's a great place for cool
dudes. Like us, who leg a master
Monday. Want to chat with the cast and
fans just like me radical later scooter.
I gotta go. But I'll gun right now, later
Tommy. Bro, I said I don't go any time
anymore. It's Tom now a bogus.
I'm sorry man. I work at a bank.
Welcome to game master Monday, the podcast replay, a different
table, top RPG. PG in a different system, in a
different setting with a different cast.
Every episode today, we are playing Noble Beauty in the
tower by Noam Barbarian games. And my players are Jenny nordine
playing Dame ability first name. Wire God, you you're in timeout
for a month and and Evan often backer playing whiskey the gray.
I love it. Today, we are playing at Noble,
Beauty in the tower, by our good friends.
At gnome Barbarian games, this is a little game where you to
get to fuck with each other a little bit.
Don't read too much into that. We are, we still doing phrasing,
we are always doing phrasing and Noble Beauty in the tower.
You two are competing nights, Dame's people who want to court
a beautiful princess, As played by Yours Truly, it's gonna be
hilarious for the players reference.
Her name is Princess lockpick writing that down.
Princess lockpick is her name and we have a few rules to go
over for the game. So you the audience know what's
going on. And for the players reminder to
play this game they're going to be alternating taking turns but
the actions they do are going to be happening in real time.
They're not going to be responding.
One Another We're assuming that what they do happens at the same
time on your turn, you can make one of four moves climb which in
this game you want to climb 50 meters.
Whenever you say, I'm climbin here climbing two meters, you
can Court me, you can try to seduce me, read me, poetry tell
me how gorgeous I am whatever you need to do to win my
affection. At after you do that you will
roll. One d-10 to see how many
approval points you get, if You earn 50, before you reach the
top of the tower, you're going to smooch Ville the real city in
Ohio. If the third you thing you can
do is malign each other. So you can talk shit.
Make them look bad to tell the princess, hey, that person
they're no good, they smell and then that person will roll a
d-10 to see how many approval points they lose.
Because if you don't have 50 approval points by the time you
reach the tower, who knows what might happen?
And just like real life, just like in real life, all of us
married folks out there. Remember if I mean the tower
approval points before you could get married and being thrown off
a building. And speaking of throwing off
buildings, The Last Action, you can take on each other is
called, Yeet your you eat. Oh no, if you are within one
meter of your Rivals, you may attempt to throw them from the
tower, forcing them to begin again, from the bottom doing
this action, you can do rock paper.
Sirs with the Rival in question, to see if you succeed.
So if you ever want to toss each other and you're within tossing,
Striking Distance, you can make the other person start over.
Golly, I'm in rude. Now, as we advance by 2 and our
version of the game today, we will adjust that number to be
within 2 meters of each other like that.
So that would there's no weird odd numbers and that's all there
is to it. Climate our Make me in love with
you. Any questions?
Simple romance, simple romance for this?
Our Valentine's Day, special ebony, you get to go first.
Okay, whiskey, the gray who I just need to set this scene?
Please do is in a three-piece gray pinstripe suit as a lady
would back in this time period naturally.
She's So accompanied by her seed Ryan, because he was available,
it was yours. What I described Ryan, Ryan is a
brunette, mercy and a half foot tall.
Average males Steed. He's left loved and he didn't
graduate horse school, right? But he's a nice guy.
Why? We all know Ryan, every lesbian
has a Ryan in her life and this is whiskey.
And this is whiskey, the grace whiskey, you ride your Noble
Steed. A Ryan who, I believe was on the
basketball team, but this on and not was playing, he was on.
Yeah, yeah, you know, he got the, the Jersey but didn't have
to go in and do minutes. Exact big benchwarmer guy, you
approach a large 50-foot, tall Stone Tower with no stairway.
And a beautiful. Evan, exactly your type.
There she is. Staring out the, you know, the
top of this house. Well, I'm saying you Evan, the
players type O to make it more appealing for you.
This is the Big B we do on game master Monday.
We don't do physical appearances for NPCs, we say your type
anyway, she's gazing out the window, you know, like that
scene in Rapunzel or Aladdin or every other Disney movie.
And and she's It's like sighing into the day into the clear blue
of the clear blue sky on a Tuesday as trapped women
normally do another Wednesday of just the same shit.
Whatever recording on a Wednesday.
What day is it? Whiskey.
Just give him a nice, you know, that the next tap that you do a
whore, right? You don't have to face but you
do a nice tap on the neck. Yeah, yeah.
And say, see you in a bit. So yeah, I'm gonna come back
with a hot babe. So be ready.
He likes the tub straighter like straightens his neck out.
Right stretch their neck again like entangled.
Anyway, exactly. Two meters climbed and pulling
up at the exact same time that all this is happening and in my
red-hot convertible Steve, he's a, he's a retired racing horse
so I'll pull up in my red-hot convertible.
Steve named accidents waiting to happen.
Happen who is a retired racing horns.
It doesn't have a Confederate flag, painted on the front of
his. No, thankfully, no.
And it doesn't not a Dukes of Hazzard horse because this is
not that kind of show. Oh, damn, take that Confederate
sympathizers. No room for you here.
But it does have the trans flag on its ass.
Hell. Yeah.
It's all totally. Yeah.
So day Mobility would Dismount your horse with the little
staircase that comes with the Hummer of horses.
He drops down, I think that's like really silently.
I would feed him an apple and say to him back soon, you can do
whatever. Were you want just be back by
bedtime? Your horse looks at the other
horse. Ryan's.
Like so they are going to get it on and I'm terrified and I would
have said two meters and you want to send it to meters?
All right. Only 48.
More to go. Here we go, and they're off.
I'm going to glance over to my left because I took the Rope
just everyone's aware of where we're at.
Thank you. Why do they need more to the
left? I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a
slight. I roll at Dame.
Oh shit. And Yell up at m'lady, m'lady
lockpick laughing. That's right, princess lockpick
princess. I know I am a mere 2 meters off
the ground and you know, it's gonna be a bit but I just wanted
to check in and make sure that you're leaning more of the
lesbian bisexual route, just so I don't waste my time.
My day, if so, really looking forward to it.
She like a over the edge of the, the castle.
It's just like, yeah, no definitely.
I lean that way. Okay, cool.
Listen. I've been locked up here for
quite some time. My preference is a
long-forgotten at this point. Any hole will do.
I I look over at Dame and give a nice daiki thumbs up.
Solidarity! Thumbs up back at ya.
A lesbian not of acknowledgement.
Are you say it to you? Do we have the same Barber.
This is great because I'm a, you know, saying this as an actual
lesbian. So, it's finding and right.
Meanwhile, a flashback off in the distance.
You two at the same hairdresser, giving a thumbs up the
hairdresser, looking into the cam.
Going there. Sure are a lot of them in this
town, but he's to zoos back to the present, another thumbs up
and then I am going to take my thumbs up and pop it in and do a
thumbs-down even Gladiators and say, Something super spicy,
something else to it. Again, the audience you my do.
Shit has been got Just some most spicy that is so much funnier
than anything you could actually say.
They say show, don't tell, but by God.
But what if we didn't either, and it's so spicy, Dame is taken
aback, my God. Are you maligning the Dame?
Yes, okay, yes, Dame liability. I'm currently have zero approval
points, my God, and to get an early start on the making, you
look bad train. Whiskey has said something spicy
about you. Please will the d-10 to see how
spicy only scovilles, really want this to be a 10-6.
You have negative, 6 approval points to start the game off the
fuck that the princess looks over her.
Her window sees the thumbs down. Here's the spicy comment and
ghost. Why you thinking of a person?
I just met her hardly and that's that's Onto You Dame.
Well, I shan't have my good name, be tarnished by something
spicy. I may try to woo the princess
who try to recover your points and I gotta I gotta make myself
look good or than something spicy.
So I'll try to court her. Okay.
Oh princess lockpick despite what my arrival is saying.
My fervor for you shall not go unchallenged for your eyes to
the most beautiful thing these fields have ever had to gaze
upon them for the past. However, old you are. 27.
Hell yeah roll a d-10 sure Hina nine you recover, a whole bunch
of your points or now at three so she she responds to that.
Of course you look stunning as well.
She talks fancy that but here we are.
And that's you. Evan fans, self off seeing that.
I'm clearly offended. I definitely thought she was
gonna be more into me and it's fine.
And so I'm going to go ahead and just hope for the best later in
my wooing and you abilities. I'm gonna go to more M to
morning a little bit close. Oh sir, she sees me she's gonna
be more. Whoo you know why that girl can
climb? She's already 4 meters off the
ground that's like for a reason it's not sure they're all 1.25
meters tall give or take to save myself from this embarrassed.
Coming down, right great. They're both four meters off the
ground. Now back to uff.
Okay, we're trying to ascend at our here.
Do you mind? We got things to do princess
climbing moment. Okay, I am whiskey.
The gray not to bring it up again but my designer suit that
just so happens to have a beautiful bouquet of flowers on
that inside pocket. Oh no, right?
Right? What that all suits?
Come with ya in this era and I'm going to try to seduce the
beautiful princess. I am going to wash out.
Whoa, whoa holding on to a rope one handed one handed
impressive. Say, hey princess.
Look what I can do with one hand.
Okay, well, you know, okay, hey, that's very sweet.
I'm very high off the ground. I'm going to send someone down
to get the flowers but I just might take them away.
It's the thought that counts. Truly, this is the most
attention. I've gotten like the whole year.
There's nothing that a dragon here anymore.
I don't know where it went but I don't know how to get down.
I don't care either. All right, so you were Justice
For Those. This thing of scorekeeping here
you are now both 4 meters off the ground and both have three
approval points where exactly the like damn I didn't you m,
great. Do you want me to do then?
After taking a shot of whiskey whiskey, always has Whiskey on
hand, all the same. Look up, it Dame's ass. 2 meters
above me and I say not today and I climbed to M.
Hey, all right Seymour. M Dame.
Well not to be undone. Hmm, I'm gonna I'm gonna do some
of lining because we can't be even I have to win this for the
senses heart. I have To seduce her.
Damn it. I think I would I would just
look over at Whiskey. Look back to the princess and be
like listen she can't even catch flowers, she threw them
thinking. She would be able to throw them
up at least 48 meters. This Is War.
Yeah. Right.
Evan down and -1 approval points.
Damn, they're the print the Princess lockpick says I am
still sending but yeah, I down good point but that is a solid
point. It's fun playing a princess of
Asturias is a great game to GM. All I have to do is be sassy
reactionary princess. I love her with a good guy on,
right. She's got a guy.
There's like a random guy in the tower.
He's hit hard, but our, she doesn't ring a bell.
He has to climb the wall. That's not what to her than
going. All the way back down to get
this, gotta eat something now, right?
Yeah, that's true. That's true.
Kitchen is on small one and system floor. 50, I hate my job.
And my life mother said they had a doctor about I don't know.
I watched a bottle. What the bottle?
I'm going to respond with it. You're gonna ask me.
I'm gonna oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am going to, you know what? I know, we're just like at the
beginning, but I'm gonna try to eat you.
Oh my God. Yes.
All right, here we go. I am so offended.
For the three audiences. Reminder, Evan and Jenny are now
going to on the podcast play Rock.
Paper, Scissors. So you're just gonna have to
take our word for it. It's already ready to shoot.
Fuck it is scissors, beating paper Jenna you are heated to
the bottom of the ground after to let me and I want everyone to
know that I did. That's a good point.
I should have also thrown
scissors but now next time will be like now I know.
How are you? If I had HP to sit really suck,
your horse. Looks a cute disapprovingly.
No actually making it happen. How could you hit accident?
Waiting to happen. It's smoking smoking a cigarette
because my horse totally just fucked it, you're already
post-coitus. How this happened, only climb to
6. M, the racehorse.
He's fast. That's fair.
Dale Earnhardt over here. Find 2 m into M Evan, you not
have a 4-meter Advantage. Hmm.
Okay, I'm gonna how many times you m?
Just keep that space. There we go.
Jenny to more meters. Yeah, then right on my heels, a
hole for me is here, that's like three people designer.
He'll know my designer heels. I am going to try to seduce to
gain back some more of my love. All right, let me have it.
Your friend said dear princess lockpick is your name this and
you can pick my lock any day half rhyme.
Go ahead and roll the d-10 for me.
Thank you. So now I'm at least not in the
neck, if you're out of the negatives, you have won approval
point. Is he was a half rhyme.
I have time for a little more rhyme that I've gotten in awhile
but not a lot of rhyme Jenny. How high up off the ground?
Am I for M solid? I climbed to more meters.
I know you're it. 646 M. Yeah.
Alrighty. And it is the first person to
clear 10 meters. It's Gettin.
It's Gettin Hot in Here. Getting spicy.
All right, did your date. I gotta catch up.
I gotta get to more M falling down behind you.
What you gonna do? Oh shit.
She's climbing. Oh God, oh my God.
Okay. Okay.
I'm gonna, you know, I know I'm losing ground here, but I gotta,
I gotta try to give my seduce points because we gotta get 250.
Yeah, the 50 points. Yeah.
And the dice have not been very benevolent to I think in the
review. Very rude, guys, my 9i.
I'm gonna try to seduce you again.
All righty, I am going to say, Seductive.
Dear princess. Yes, I know you've been stuck on
a tower for so long so long but I promise, I'll get you.
Take out food whenever you want and I'll let you control the
remote. Wow, that works on me all the
details. What is it?
Takeout food, and the remote. What era are we?
I appreciate the gesture. You now have three approval
points. We're not on the same page yet.
I yellow. You are very far but Thief me.
How will you ever recover, Jenny?
Perhaps I too should flirt princess considering.
I'm still very far down. Poetry is the is still going to
be the way to go here? I think dear princess.
Hmm, roses are red. Violets are blue.
Sugar is sexy. And so are you?
Oh my God. Roller d-10 nothing children's
nursery rhyme. I'm sexy.
And their Works. She is never heard of nursery
rhyme in her goddamn life. Wow.
What a day early, I got a half ride and now to whole Rhymes in
the same poem. Well, Jenny like a substantial
jumping approval there. Evan, you're up you were at 42
meters remaining and 1100 people flights.
I'm gonna give a big eye roll because I just, I'm not, I feel
like the princess and I are just like, really not aligning.
Yes. I just feel like she doesn't
understand me and to seduce her. I'm actually going to order her
a Starbucks latte deliver. Yeah.
Okay. You know what?
Okay, a green horse carrying a pageboy upon it arrives.
In the page, gets off, checks to scroll, like Squints at the
tower, with the stroll, again, pulls out like a medieval cell.
Phone. Fuck you.
It is like yeah. Is it are you at 2400 or is it
2408? I can't tell on the side.
You hear that? That you hear the princess
called then it says zero, you're in the right place.
Please Brave me the drink. He pulls out a rope and starts
climbing. It might be a while.
He's a very scrawny man, he goes right, because if you don't get
there in 50 turns, he might win. He cannot roll for seduction.
Point know, he can only climb, he's on the jacket on the clock.
Can't seduce a princess on the clock.
And new Challenger has appeared the Starbucks page boy.
How will I get my drink? Which will surely still be warm
by the time it arrives? The water buckets situations in
his teeth as he's climbing. Drafter is back with like
leather and he's like mumbling to himself like it's okay
Clarence. You're saving up for med school.
Every tip counts. I climbed you say, great.
And the response to your to M Dame and climb to me.
Excellent. Damn it fuck dammit.
Wow. Mike went.
Okay I'm 40 meters down. Hmm, I gotta do something.
And whiskey is 38. My options are few.
You mustn't say, you have four options.
All right, to M. All right, you are, you are neck
and neck, neck and neck. Climb to me.
This isn't working. This is like something drastic.
This is like watching the the hardened attack episode of
Pokemon to the to Metapod hardening.
Liability. I gotta seduce.
All right, I gotta do it. I gotta warn her.
You gotta run of the game running out of things to
compliment. I'll compliment her hair.
That's not nothing. Like to hear.
Oh, my hair. It's very pretty long.
I like it. Who does your hair?
Oh, the barber? Well, the same Barber.
I go to is only the one that's amazing.
He does it very well. Thank you.
There we go. That was easy.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
She's very narcissistic. She's like, well, no one ever
talks about my hair, many people have asked me to throw it down,
but it's all that long. It's only like 2 meters.
It goes down to the small of my back, but not a lot.
Snot 50 meters. Well, Jenny of 20 approval
points. Hell yeah, I am the best at
seducing forever for the reminder.
You all wanted the dye system with us.
Oh my God. I am going to use this Ginny's.
Dice next time Fair. Do you want?
One got a whole bag. Oh my God.
Let's see. Well, From.
From what I'm seeing, besides the princess likes to be
seduced. Very how do you say simply the
dice respond to Simplicity? Let's see, you're not.
The princess is fault. I'm just dumb, tastes are all
over the place. Who knows?
It'll work on me. It's I said, I'm a random number
generator and so I am going to yell up dear princess, mmm, You
look totally snatched in that outfit work.
Oh my God, it's a 66 vest. I've done she like, tosses her
hair behind her psyche. Thanks babe.
You got a heater. I gotta eat.
Oh, shoot. Here we go.
Ben yote once by the marry Lady I must eat back.
Reaching up a full 2 meters with your very long arms to eat
whiskey, the gray down towards the bottom, Rock, Paper,
Scissors, Shoot, fuck, you dropped me, and then picked Rock
and Jenny, pick scissors, betray Saying their earlier commitment
to a bit. You topple.
Right? Back down to the bottom of the
tower horses. Now smoking, two cigarettes.
How are you? This is why you were tired deal
with it. I've seen some shit.
Listen, lady, you're trying to seduce the princess.
I've already gotten my feel okay, my Philly.
So it's because Ryan's like I saw a balloon Squirrel since
it's a nice guy. Okay, I think he likes me, he's
really nice. Cranes are used to the celebrity
or celebrity, he's like never won a race.
He like Silas famous. It's like I landed Carson
kressley anyway. And thank you, thank you.
That's the horse. Seen moving on the oven for
sightseeing, it's fine. but dust rise from me Shaped, I Take my
lead with joy and I'm going to try to work on my seduction.
You do have room for improvement.
So how do you? Okay okay.
Will you dinner to bring that? No I mean like room for
improvement was the wrong phrase.
I mean like you do have a nice decent distance.
Now to be able to focus on that, you know, here's the thing about
dating women. Okay?
So sometimes you try things and they don't work and you have to
try something else. And sometimes those Don't work
either. So maybe you're wondering
yourself is this is exclusive detaining women.
By the way, is it hers and me? I'm married.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm gonna try to seduce again. Okay?
Ready? Hey princess yeah, yes Queen.
So I'm thinking like once I get up there I could get a
reservation to like brunch and we can share like a bottomless
mimosa and try to get to know each other better.
It's been a while since I've had a brunch.
That sound. Okay, so it's a yes that if you
roll high enough, sure. Okay.
Okay, just give me a second, yeah.
For sure, for sure. I'm not doing anything.
Hey, all right. I made a reservation the the
princess look soberness. Yeah, that sounds great.
I would love to do that and then quietly to herself she turns
around and faces a mirror a single tear down her cheek just
like brunch. It's been so long, a croissant
Mimosa perhaps the performance by a drag queen. 14 meters down
and want to prove a point behind.
Okay, well, I'll check back on you later Silas.
You're right. Okay, here we go.
There we go. Whiskey.
I look down. Dame is literally sweating from
the climbing that she's having this aggressively pulling over a
full plate. I just remember, that's why I
wore a three-piece suit and not All right.
What is that stainless steel? What is that?
It's metal. I don't know who forged it.
It's my uniform a flashback. A blacksmith looks up and
something's wrong. My work is not appreciated fast
forward. Well, I can tell gasping.
Even the prince of oh damn And that was me talking shit, right?
Yeah, roll a d-10 Jenny. Thank God.
Wow, that was a really good burn but I don't think less of her
for it. A Working Girl.
Perhaps mine your move. Although I can probably guess.
You know princess, hmm. I don't even think that whiskey.
The gray has a job. How will she ever support you?
Oh, dear, a question for the ages, the most expensive thing
you own. Monsieur.
Le D 10. Oh wait, yeah, the victim rolls
there. So bad at talking shit.
It seems they both value employment in some capacity,
admirable, I view them equally at this moment.
If I were to put a number to it, probably about a 19 each, wow,
wow, wow. There's no stronger.
Either of us may come and go with the wind.
It seems. Oh your neutralness it would
take me some getting to know you to think about it.
More this point, drapes page, where are we having?
Okay. For I am going to climb great.
I climb great. I am going to throw my hat into
the seduction ring. Yet again, here we go with a 12
meter leads. He seduces.
Hey girl, you're looking super like youthful today.
Thank you. I honestly cannot wait for you
to teach me your skincare routine.
Oh, it's swell roll, a d-10, I was about to give it to you for
free, Dave. Wow.
Okay. Okay, so you've now cleared, the
the median threshold here you're above. 25 is what I'm saying.
I need you to tell me princesses Skin.
Yeah. So check this out.
Yeah you see I can't do it. Fucking check this shit out.
The the princess somehow the Advent of teaching a skincare
routine to a potential romantic partner, has awoken something in
her. Her hands for those who can't
see, have been probably been holding against my chin.
They come down and grasp the edge of the window sill, she
leans over for the first time you can see a torso exactly your
type. And that's or so and then she
looks down and and just makes the red eye contact with you and
ghost. It's It's so easy.
You're not going to believe this.
All you have to do is one have been exposed window at all times
that fresh air constantly. Hit your face second.
And this is important. Wait for the drains cup.
The water in your hands and to Splash it on you.
This is the Middle Ages. This is what we do for skin
care, buddy. And as you can see her face,
it's working glistening shiny. In the healthy way, Jenny.
I climb dramatic, pause and climb.
I'm really thinking about my options here, because now I'm
in, not only the bottom of the barrel, both date-wise and rope
wise, I gotta work on both of those things while thinking
about climbing, mmm-hmm It's like line just, you know,
because I've been so busy climbing and seducing, I yelled
out it Dean. No.
You are an end to me 10 meters off the fucking dress.
Yeah. He's at 40 10.
Okay, cool. What is it kind of options?
Yeah, just kick her down. Okay, so now that I'm more aware
of the situation, thanks for that info game.
I climb great Dame, Dame, ability, and dang building
fucking fun. If only it were true.
I gotta you gotta Court. Oh, princess hmm.
Yes. Could potentially want for
nothing. I was thinking about my skin.
Yes, once I reached you, first, might I add, oh, confident.
Are you the nicest puppy that you could ever dream of the
nicest one? I've said so many, uh, nice
puppies. They said, Rudy All the land
they told me and open but a puppy sways. 3 does not sorry.
Oh, I'm a cat person. Damn it.
Well, And also occasionally, a bird person.
Sometimes I sing to them out the window and they come to my
window sill but that gets old after a while.
So primarily cats Okay, okay, I can do.
I'm babbling. Good cats.
I overhear the conversation since we're on ropes.
It's it's wrong. No sound barrier.
Sound barrier. Okay I'm stopping you from
hearing here. I am very excited about the news
because I too am a cat person. Yes.
And I remember That I have a cat.
He's my vet of course you do time for the bouquet, invest for
the cat, and there's lots of fun.
Before the French Revolution, where they decided that women
should not have pockets arm, hold the rope and take an
adorable well-mannered cat, and throw it up.
Are you? Spread.
It's okay to cattle, white honest.
Yeah. And if you don't know, those
cats are also really good at climbing.
I, I say, hey girl, the moon and I look at this cute little cat,
wow, it's name is Freedom. Because it's what you want.
The most red, white and blue who has the world?
It's okay with you. I'm gonna send the cat up with
your latte. Put on the adjacent row, right?
There's the third rope. Don't forget the third rope
won't get there eventually, I'll tell you one.
It's a Jew. The cat still makes it.
I'm excited about the capital. Yeah you had to put it on the
Starbucks rope and she looks down like he's not far off the
ground yet I'm carrying a pot of coffee, I promise.
We'll get there eventually. Okay.
I'll be here. It's not, like I've been doing
anything for the past 27 years. Why are you so brushed?
Now, you know, because you might actually make it It's opposed to
what? Yes, I do.
I'm high. I write liability was here on
the wall and then you gotta try it.
Money doing. Try to show her my boobs.
I have to know, Flash the princess.
So she think my boobs are nice time to see if time to see if
the dice hurts my feelings. I think invoking religion upon
showing boobs is a bad idea because I rolled it to smoking
religion. I said, please God.
Oh my God was against your premarital.
Boob showing you are 38 meters away, she can't.
Yeah. She's like, okay, what?
Pardon that? I had five.
Yeah, we take those. That's what are the kindest way
I can do a show boobs in order to, she can't she didn't sit
down, and we're not gonna body same anyone here.
That's fucked us or as nice as anyone elses, if you could have
a, can be seen, which is hard to see from 38 meters away.
Exactly. Sure and and is inspired.
Oh my. But also educated, you know,
more about me than you did five minutes ago.
I'll show my boobs. What are you 24 meters?
What a game. What a game.
Well, she can vary see those. She looks down as he has Bazinga
my goodness. I have not seen many invite.
I've all the ones I've seen why was she does it, the Avery wolf
thing the bigger eyes bulging out.
Oh yeah, booga. Bet you weren't expecting that
right? Full, frontal nudity on a test
where you can see, everything? Welcome to the today.
The middle of the episode, I'm your game master.
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I feel like I made this. Well, it's not looking great so
far, and then is almost halfway there and only 90 proven points
away from sufficiently, seducing her, and you've been needed
twice. I've seen better, I will my line
Seven. Okay, here she goes.
You have yeah, there are better boobs 900, maybe if you climb
higher, I will write we, what am I?
You are you have client a 24 meters here, 26 away, you've 34,
approval points. I gotta get more approval.
I gotta raise my ratings. This is how you date people.
You gotta check in with your partner, like hey, how many
approval points do I have currently?
We're showing my boobs enough for you with under 50.
I don't know. No, I'm going to climb.
All right, Jenny. I to climb.
Okay, we're going to do just like a little back-and-forth of
climbing for a second. I'm gonna climb go.
Okay, crying, hi. Climb assignment 30, right?
If I climb one more time, you so that you could if you 50 meters
away so you are 20 meters away now.
Now I'm 20 meters away. Correct?
Okay, okay. I'm going to climb, okay?
I've been closing in, go in for the kill, going for the love
kill. Okay, I got to because I'm
losing the climbing game. Yeah, Jenny at this point is
just like if I can just if I get the numbers down, I can prevent
her from climbing. Yeah.
This is the long con of the game.
Never hitting the point. You got to use strategy.
Yeah. Look at her, she can't even
climb a rope properly. Oh, I mean, sure, she's getting
distance, but her form is atrocious.
Educate me. I educate with the d-10.
Okay, three. If you say so, I roll my eyes.
Since you've been heated so many times, not my fault, I'm just
bad at rock, paper, scissors. I am gonna use a little bit of
game Masters privilege here, because one of the things in
Noble Beauty in the tower is if you malign a too often to
middling results, the princess can get annoyed with you.
So And start flirting. And considering this is, this is
a malign where you have a very severe disadvantage and of the
low roll. I'm going to save the princess
says, you know your father down and she is no my pride and you
haven't and she has not Fallen. I removed from you three
approval points, my points. No, I re I use the mechanic.
Where the princess? It's annoyed of the milliner.
No. All right.
Evan, you're up. I am inspired by the princesses
just like nobility and her courage to stand up for what she
wants. You know what I mean?
And just to stand up against Bad maligning, cheers.
I am just so inspired by the princess.
I am going to seduce her again. Here we go.
Hey girl. Hey, hi cutie.
Hi cutie. I know I'm getting closer to
where you're at. Yeah, yeah, ways than one just
from where I'm at. I, I just like, can't wait to
share like a closet with you by the Sweet Melody time just like
you, but I like that for like lesbians.
It's like a really big thing because we get to share clothes.
So like as a lesbian that's like the biggest, you know.
Sure. Sure.
A5. I have such a nice closet to
being a princess. Looking forward to this through
it getting she blushes. All right, Jenny.
It's not looking ideal for, you know, don't give up with either.
Greg, looks down the ropes. This is don't give up.
Just fucking give up Dame and I know that your horse fell in
love before you, but that doesn't mean you can't.
We cut to the horses, the third cigarette, I got a huge
cigarette pack. All I'm saying, is that, I mean,
it's just like one of those things where it's like, yes,
it's like, finally, like I win her, but it's like more fun of a
winner. It's like someone else.
Will someone sir? I know it's confusing, but if
you could just like, not give up.
She's in love and competitive. I can only fall in love.
I beat someone when I climb into it.
I climb I climb again. But how far away now she is 14
away, excuse me, 16 away. Flirt you're gonna flirt gonna
improve your own station, okay? Because otherwise my maligning
aren't going to good. We are good.
No brain cells. The higher I go up on the tower
cloudy, it's hard to breathe. That's a tower in the mythical
land of Denver Denver England, the White Cliffs of Denver.
Iraq. That's a good one.
Come on. Yes, I've been summoned once
again the spot I've been in the entire day.
I know that I have not been doing well, but if you choose me
instead of whiskey the gray, what promise, huh?
27 then I promise it will be the greatest years of our life.
Uh-huh. Okay.
How many men will be phenomenal? I had some well, that little
silver that I would ice feels about it.
I'll take a 6. I'm like it.
Thanks take a 6. The the princess imagines a
honeymoon quietly to herself. Oh darn Evan whiskey the gray.
Holding on to the Rope. Two hands and sides of your feet
like to do any climber. I mean, yeah, you you knew more
than I did. I'm not going to assume
everybody that's listening to the podcast.
Is claimed her opreis? Probably not, he personally, I
haven't. Okay, but we all need to accept
in this situation. That climbing.
The Rope is not easy whose shoes on, okay?
Okay. And following and we're all
exhausted here, you know what I mean?
But I just I need a little bit of Grace.
You know what I mean? Right.
But it Grace and so I am going to there's a little ledge in the
brick and I'm just kind of kind of lean in a little bit.
Because I was wearing these designer Louis Vuitton and
they're just like really exhausting to be climbing in.
I don't know what game is doing if like she's been wearing like
full boots this whole time but why me his heart what your shoes
situation Dame sabatons. But let me tell you, I just
realized it would be climbing fully clothed with boots on and
it just seems aggressive. So, I'm going to kind of lean
into the stone wall, you know, me and kind of get some pressure
off my feet per second. And well, I'm taking pressure
off my feet. I'm going to look up and seduce.
Of course you like you deserve to win after all.
That was incredible. So I mean, if I'm if I'm
interpreting correctly, is the boot coming off?
No, I'm leaving the boots on. I'm just kind of shaky on my
own. Okay, I'm just gonna you're
showing some ankle. Yeah, sure.
Twist my ankle a little bit. Is the Middle Ages?
Yeah, that's true. I mean, boobs are nothing back
in the Middle Ages, right? Everyone inside this is hanging
out but angles. So I'm just kind of like doing a
little twist of my ankle and and A light Breeze comes through.
Yeah. Your hair looks amazing.
Yeah. And I'm like, hey girl oh oh my,
she's like they'll do know that but the Pervert leaned out the
window like yeah because she's been called to them.
Right? I had to sit down, I mean, so
did I, but I'm literally climbing a rope for you, so I
couldn't, but can't wait to sit down with you soon.
All that d-10. That's your ankles do for,
that's our five. Okay, she, she she pulls out a
paper fan, and this is like, is it, is it summer, what month is
it that the Starbucks kid It's February, Malay say hello and
seasonably warm heart rate is up and no central heating being a
stone tower. Right?
That's truly aligned Windows. Yes, open for some reason.
Knows no curtain. No door.
Yeah Jenni. Yeah, I climb.
All right, great. Here we go.
Ivan. Okay.
Getting getting very close to climb.
I'm mmm. Evan is now a mere 10 meters
away from Victory. She could spit on me.
Is that? Is that your move mr.
Starbucks. Boyd Gaming fast.
I wasn't keeping track of him, but I just want to remind us
all. He's there, I steal him.
I don't know what move, that would be, but I trust you.
Can I eat to the boy? That takes me to get some energy
out to blow off some steam. Yeah, why not your courtship by
maligning out this Starbucks boy?
I'll accept that. I like said that let's twist the
mechanical so you're gonna do rock-paper-scissors against me
now. Yeah and if you beat me you can
roll to malign Evan. I'll do it if you lose though.
He's Heating. Ting you so.
So that's what I'm. That's what I'm laying down.
You versus the Starbucks boy. You're using the heat mechanic
in order to malign, but it's going to be the pastor fail of
the Heat and just know that if you do, you do get the lunches
poured over you, which means it's going to ruin your hair?
Well, no, because he's bringing him if he would fail to malign.
So the coffee unspoiled, if you eat the boy though.
Yeah, he's in the Gipper. So yeah, that that's that is my
proposal to you. Should you choose to eat the 26?
M? Give or take.
All right, here we go. More you Rock, Paper, Scissors,
Shoot. No.
Folks, I did scissors and seated paper.
So you go to fight the Starbucks Squire and he does oh hell no.
Grabs you by the lapels and throws you down the tower, he
looks in the camera. Does anything for the Lord
Starbuck and continues to climb land flat on your back the
horses. Five cigarettes.
Now you missed the fourth one twice more Choice, one accident
looks at you and goes what you want me to do about it
herself. If we're being honest, I am
literally shocked, just, you know, one feels for, you know,
our fellow lesbians pour one out, the pursuit of love and
whiskey. Whiskey takes a moment of
silence passes on her trip. You're gonna pass your turn.
I can't you a moment of silence. Debbie.
She's 40 meters ahead of you. She's mourning you taken.
Okay, okay. Well now well now she's gaining
on me. So now I do to M fuck her.
Just pencil you down for a whole bunch of climbs for a while.
Okay, okay, okay, Devin I also climb.
Okay. All right.
Right now on Storage Wars, boat for Jenny.
Yeah, yeah. Whole three people.
You do have to, it's part of your idiom.
Hey girl. Hi, you're very close.
She'll a extends. Her are the kind of a short arm
not 4 meters long for sure, right?
Right. You know, she's so beefy right?
Like a lean cut, she takes care of herself, she exercises, which
is not a bodybuilder, she knows how to climb.
I'm a rough sea cancer. Climb a rope.
Yeah. So we ski holds up and in a
magician's swish of the rest. Yeah.
Holds up a little box, little box.
And then because just holding the Rope of the other arm,
right? Flicks open the little box with
their thumb and hope you're all following along.
Yeah flips open the box of their theater of the mind and in the
little box is two matching promise rings.
Oh my God improv baby. Trust me, they love a promise
ring way too early in the relationship.
Friendship bracelet, have you met a lesbian?
I promise box. Will that d-10 a 3?
A 3 or 3 socially? I'm so close to reaching a
darling. I just can't.
Maybe if you get a little closer and flip the Box a little
cooler. Well yeah.
I'll I just wanted you to see it.
Oh yeah, I trust you for sure. I'm gonna give it to you later
but I just wanted you to know kind of where it's at.
It's like not an engagement ring but just kind of I want you You
know that like like an exclusivity thing?
Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, I'm not seeing anyone.
Jenny. Yep.
All right. Back to you.
Yeah. Mother is speech in you.
I climb. I gotta get a little closer.
Okay. You so you so just let you know.
You went out two meters away. All her breath, two meters away
and three approval points away. I got him a line.
Oh, oh shit. Oh shit.
All right, Moline away. That's a bit early for
commitment. Don't you think showing a
promise ring when you've just met her merely, 4th M ago unit
of time and I World mirror. There we go.
Why do I bother? Oh, wow, it's a one.
I did very much. We're verifying it.
She, she looks down and he says, pardon, you're so far away
Sasson to myself losing Does she still losing?
Yeah, she lost one. Approval point is at 46.
Now, hey, if she rolls of three right now, you just bought
yourself a turn? I guess.
Here we go. Hey girl.
Hello again. I feel like we're so close and
yet so far away I was going to say like physically.
Yeah. And you know, in like
spiritually princess, yes. Focus.
Hello close your eyes while focusing.
I'm closing my eyes. Okay.
And as she's listening. I Whistle in Little Adorable
Birds beginning. She did mention that she liked
Birds. She sure did.
I do like a little Danny won't think I did and just adorable
little cartoon. Ask, birds come and fill the
windowsill. And she opens her eyes and sees
the most beautiful birds. And, and I look up and I go baby
doll. I can summon nature for you.
I can do anything for you. I can climb this fucking tower
for you girl. It's an egg.
She is moved to see, is seduced. She is she's holding the bird in
her hand, and it's whistling the most beautiful tune, and he's
like, my God. Precious true love.
I can't imagine anything. Could possibly make me love this
woman. Last any return.
So she's 454. You have exactly one move at
then is I only have one possible move.
I could make Whiskey, the gray. I'm going to beat myself up this
goddamn and go right off of two horses.
Okay, fine. You you will let go of the Rope,
do it fucking do it, then scissors and paper.
How did this happen? You win or lose both myself.
You you let go of the Rope, you fall down backwards like your
honza Gruber off of the Tower and perfectly.
On my Steed accidents will happen.
And I write off merrily into the sunset.
When you land on the seeds, he opens his mouth, 6, cigarettes
fall out, and he rides off Ryan, looking longingly at the horse.
Says, wow, that was one of the horses I've ever met.
Sure. Wait for okay his fate.
Are you stealing Ryan? You both for the d-10.
Well, if it's any consolation, I'm sure loves the day.
The Dame liability may not have won the heart of the princess,
but she did steal a horse and my horse stole his heart.
If Ryan looks at the camera and goes hereö wedding.
It's like the end of the graduate with two horses.
Well then you have 54 approval points in your two meters away
and your rival weeded herself off the tower Starbucks.
Boy, I'm going to assume is closed.
I sigh the lack of competition and inspired me.
No but I am not one to let go of winning at least even if it's
now just against my My own Starbucks delivery.
Boy, I'm really close. So you'll be having a hot cup of
lukewarm cup of Starbucks. I climbed to meet you approach,
the top of the tower. There she is, Princess locked
pick, she is she is wearing an elegant gown that does look
weathered from the years. Perhaps she had to grow into it.
Who's to say and she goes, my chance.
Champion, I do have a question. How are we going to go home?
So I was thinking maybe we'd like moving here kind of open up
this wall over here but building may be an addition for my parent
babe. I love you.
If I spend one more minute in this goddamn Tower I will eat
myself. Surely we can find somewhere
else closer to your parents to live.
That doesn't require me being trapped in a literal Tower from
World of twenty seven, more years.
I show her that she has been receiving deliveries on a daily
and take her down the stairs. Oh my God.
Stairs the whole time and we walk off into the sunset as the
second. The delivery boy.
All right. I'm just gonna say you're
holding hands or walking into the sunset.
You share a passionate kiss, the Starbucks page, a rise of the
top of the tower, I have an order for a Miss La fille, the
myth. Fuck the guard comes from, I'll
take it. That is Noble Beauty in the
tower. Is the whiskey the gray for
seducing? Princess lockpick not that
anyone asked but her first name was Alicia and Alicia lockpick
that Lisa lock pick. Don't think about it until you
have a horse wedding to go to. We're starting to plan that we
can just just taken over here. I'm using two horses.
It's like it's a full-time job apart from my full-time job of.
Yeah, nice. Yeah.
I love this game folks. Number one Beauty in the tower
is made by our friends at known Barbarian games are good friend,
Kaylee Bruce, follow her on Twitter and please buy a noble
Beauty in the tower. As you can clearly hear it rips.
It's so much fun to play. And thank you both for playing
today. Thank you.
And it is at this moment that Jenny the real human being on.
This planet is realizing she can't flirt with for beans.
Mmm. So this will be very
interesting. Here we go.
So she's exactly my type. Yes she's somehow both of your
types Against All Odds. We have you know overlapping
interest. Yeah that's fine.
Same haircut place. Yeah.
Like in real life too. Oh shit.
Go on, take your time. Don't look at me.
Nothing like a podcast of nerds, trying to flirt.
You know, it makes it worse because it's you that I'm trying
to flirt with. No, it's not.
It's princess a lockpick. I'll find picture.
You ideal. Lady.
Maybe close your eyes. Yeah.
Yep. That's exactly what I'm doing.
Commit to the bit. I'm committing.
Okay.